The first major snowfall in 2 years

 

February 13, 2024 - a snowstorm to remind us of how much of a nuisance show can be.  And I had the wisdom to move my car from my usual parking spot to a visitor's parking spot to leave room for the plow to push all of the shoveled snow.

If we didn't get any snow today, I'd have been out shopping for a new car.   Since I was up early enough to to get out and about in the morning, I had nothing better to do than test drive cars.  Instead, I had to wait until the snow stops falling to shovel out my car and then go food shopping.  Do I like this?  No.  It's not that I mind snow.  But it is simply getting in the way of me doing things important to me, such as picking up a small Valentine's Day gift for RQS.  (She already knows what her big gift is.  But a woman should always hove something to open on V-Day itself.

Thinking of new cars, have you noticed that most cars being sold these days are in shades of white, gray, and black?  It is much less common to see cars painted red or blue, and even less in other colors.  Gone are the days where I could get a VW Bug painted in Yellow.  Even though one could never sell a new car equipped like the old Beetle these days, this car was fun to drive.  More important than that, the car was a good car to learn on, because it could take a beating and still keep soldiering on.

When I had my Bug, I practiced driving in difficult driving conditions.  The only time the Bug could be said to fail me was when I had to brake or steer on a slick surface - there was not enough weight on the front wheels, nor any power, to help keep me from sliding forward when I wanted to stop, or when I wanted to go around a curve.  It was a car best suited for summers on the California Coast, and not for winters in New England.

- - - - - - 

What cars bring back memories for you?

As cold as a witch's....

 

Today ended up being a stay-at-home day, as SJM had to postpone our lunch until next week.  That was OK with me, as I really didn't want to get dressed, go out in the cold to clean the snow off my car, then drive to lunch.  I was nice and happy in my warm apartment, and didn't want to change things or make any effort to do so.

- - - - - -

I figure that I have to fight off the lethargy that has taken over my life as of late.  And I plan to get out of the house tomorrow, if only to go to another meetup and get out in the world with people.  But that doesn't say much about today, does it?  For the most part, I did almost nothing of note other than watching videos and resting.  Could it be that I have a hibernation instinct?  I doubt it.  

Eventually, I had to take out the garbage.  So I got dressed enough to make it to the dumpster, brush the snow off the car, and get my mail from the mailbox before returning to my apartment.  While outside, I noticed how cold it was, and noted that it will be 10 degrees colder this coming weekend when I'm with RQS.  Given that it might snow again, I may just leave my car in a visitor's space while I use mass transit to visit RQS at her place.

Once done with the outside world for the night, it was on to a Zoom meeting with my friends from Texas.  We presented the option of getting together in the fall, but it looks like we'll have a better chance of getting together in 2025 when it is warm and dry.  (Or, at least, I hope so.) My one requirement is that if we meet somewhere, the place we meet must be LGBT friendly - especially to people of a non-conforming gender presentation. Although we talked of many things, I won't go into all of what we chatted about.  In short, it was nice to chat with these friends again....

Even though winter is almost over, it still seems very cold.

 

This is a view of Provincetown, MA that I've never seen in person - snow along Commercial Street.  Part of me would love to be there in the winter, when Summer's denizens have long been gone.  Yet, I'm glad I'm not there, as none of the things I love about the town are available without its Summer visitors.

- - - - - -

I've been in P'town during the other 3 seasons of the year, and love the vibe there.  This is when the artist community is in residence, and when one can enjoy the town to its fullest.  Years ago, I went there with my late wife, and stayed at a hotel at the far end of the main drag.  After she died, I stayed in the heart of town with Patty, my ex-girlfriend. And I've been there with other people close to my heart.

The only time I've been there towards the end of the season is when I once attended Fantasia Fair.  Even though I was there for only 3 days, I made some acquaintances I'm still in contact with to this day.

- - - - - -

Over the past few days, it was cold enough for some patches of snow to survive on the ground.  But it felt colder than that because of the wind chill.  If it were warmer, I'd have tried on some new tights from Sheertex to see how they feel.  Unfortunately, I will have to wait for a while - just like the people of P'town will need to wait for the tourists to come back.

Once the weather gets a little warmer, I will be back in dresses and enjoying the world outside.  I look forward to taking a day or two outside of peak season and take RQS there for a short stay.  Maybe she'll understand why I love this area - especially outside of peak season.

The first snow day in New York

 

We knew that it was going to snow today.  The question was: How Much?  And we found out by noon.  I went out to my car to find 5 inches of the white stuff coating my car, and knew that I had to get it out of the way for the snow plow to do its thing.  In short, the weather dictated my gender presentation for the day, and I don't expect that I'll be going out as Marian until Thursday.

- - - - - -

Once I brushed off my car and went to the deli for lunch, I returned home to find a parking spot that had been plowed out - but with two cars next to me that prevented a side of my spot from being cleared.  This will not be much of a problem for me over the next few days, but could become a problem if we have another snowstorm towards the end of the week.

 

When I got to my apartment, I found the "mystery dress" I ordered from Universal Standard.  The color shipped is a "Rose Clay", something a little too soft for my taste.  (I wish I could have gotten this dress in the color the woman is wearing in the above photo.) Yet, I think I'll get some value out of it this summer, as the fabric feels like one is wearing nothing at all.

Later on, RQS sent me a text.  She will be having her taxes done by Fran.  She (RQS) was getting her pronouns mixed up, as she was responding to Fran's masculine voice.  It'll be interesting to see how Fran measures up to RQS's standards.  Hopefully, I'll have referred her to a good accountant.

For the most part, it was a day to stay inside and do nothing - and that I did....

Game Night - The first of the new year.

 

Normally at this time of year, we'd have already had a coating of the white stuff around here and the above scene would be replicated at a nearby park.  Sadly for our reservoirs, we haven't had any snow yet.  But we have had more than enough "warm" days for any winter season.  

With the above being said, tonight's rain made me want to stay home instead of going to Yonkers to play games.  Since I am a regular, I decided to go - and had fun with the gang.  It's always nice to be with this crowd, as I always go as Marian.  And, as usual, I never seem to win any games, but have fun doing so.

Tonight, two of my favorite attendees weren't able to attend.  Given that one's parent is not in the best of health, it was expected that they would be taking care of that parent.  I missed the female half of the couple, as we always have interesting chats after the games are over.  (Yes, she knows I'm trans, and it doesn't matter to her.)  However, a couple of others that I wanted to see were there, and it was nice to see them again.

On other matters....

Lately, I've slowly made process in cleaning up my apartment.  Today, I made the decision to take two donation bags that were ready to go to charity, add a couple of comforters to those bags, and bring them to the donation center the next time I go out.  Additionally, I'm also finding a new home for a piece of luggage that I no longer use, clearing out even more space in my place.  But most importantly, I got around to hanging a poster my brother got me for Christmas - in the one remaining space in the apartment where it wouldn't distract from other things displayed in the apartment....

I'm sad tonight...

 

This is going to be a quick post tonight.  I had a very good day today and would like to talk about it right now.  But I am sad.  Two people I knew from my days hosting the AOL Widows and Widowers chat room passed away recently.  

I had a wonderful day with RQS, and I was able to being up the issue of being both Mario and Marian with her.  She's not yet completely sure how she feels, but she wasn't in a hurry to give me the bum's rush. When I eventually left her this evening, I drove home very carefully, as they were spreading salt for tomorrow morning's expected snow.  In NYC limits, they spread enough salt in some places that I first thought some other substance (think of loose gravel) had been dumped on the roads.  In Westchester, they had only started to spread salt, and I was stuck behind a salter truck for a few minutes before I was able to get around him and get home while I was safe to drive.

When I finally made it home, I read a text from a long ago girlfriend telling me that two people had died.  One I met on a date (it was only curiosity), and we became friends for a couple of years before she retired and moved to Florida.  Her death was sudden and unexpected.  If I lived in Florida, I'd have driven to her services and the shiva afterwards. But in New York, I don't even have her daughter's address to send my condolences.  The other lady I only met at W/W gatherings, but she was a good person for whom I wished the best.  With her, cancer finally took her life, and she will be missed by many.

So, instead of feeling happy for the good day I had, I feel sad because of the message that ended my evening.

The Snow Cometh - and Goeth

 

The above image was taken after a snowfall that took place several years ago.  The snowfall we're expecting tomorrow (as I write this) could be minimal or be a blizzard.  Either way, I'm placing my bets on us getting between 4" and 9" of the white stuff by nightfall tomorrow. If I were to fully transition, you'd see me out shoveling snow in an outfit similar to what I'll be wearing as a male: warm, layered clothing with a hat and gloves.  And this brings up an important point.  Transition is not a cure all.  It only helps to deal with the many issues we suffer in regard to our gender.

I am not looking forward to cleaning the snow from around my car (and off my car) when the snow stops. My car is usually parked in a spot where I am required to move it when the plows come.  This usually means that I must get out of my comfy jammies and then work up a sweat shoveling snow. This is a task that I relish less and less each coming year. And as I get older, this task will take an ever increasing toll on me.

However, the snow relieved me of a social obligation that I allowed myself to get into.  I don't mind seeing FH now and then, but I'm not always in the mood to see her when she wants.  I remember her comparing herself with MWL, trying to look as she (FH) would be the better recipient of my time. Neither of these women would be good mates for me.  But they both would be good activity partners now and then.

Right now, I'm focusing on CWS and RQS.  Both women are good ladies, but they each have things that could turn out to be deal breakers. And if it weren't for the snow, I'd be able to see at least one of them over the weekend.  Instead, I'll have to try to keep in contact with them by phone.  I just wonder how each will react when I eventually tell them about my bi-gendered nature....

 - - - - - -

The next morning/afternoon....

When I finally woke up (I couldn't get to sleep until 4 am or so), I looked out my window and the snow didn't look so bad.  Although I have to get dressed to clear off the car, it looks like I will not need to do much work to get my spot cleared out.

The weekend comes awfully quickly....

 

As I write this, they are predicting either 1"-3" of snow to 9"12" of snow.  No, I shouldn't have written this forecast as 1"-12" of snow, as they do not know which way the storm will track.  If it tracks away from the coast, we'll get 1"-3" of the white stuff on the ground.  If it tracks toward the coastline, we'll get the 9"-12" that will cause a lot of problems on Eastern Long Island.

In some ways, this storm will be a blessing to me.  Although I will not be able to see CWS or RQS, I will not be able to see FH as well, freeing me up to get back to work on cleaning up my apartment.  It will also give me the opportunity to sleep later than usual, and finally make a decision on whether I should stay at my present job, or move on with my life.

- - - - - -

A while back, I mentioned my friend WDS.  Well, he's recovering from an ailment he had last year, and is slowly regaining facilities that he had before his ailment struck him.  Today, I wrote him, and he was up to me visiting him - but I would need to stay elsewhere.  Neither of the two extra rooms in the house he rents is furnished.  And that's OK with me, as I'd have my feminine wardrobe with me so I could see YGM.

WDS asked me about what has been going on in my life, and the impression I get from him is that leaving my job would be no great risk for me.  He may be right.  So I plan to write to an out of state headhunter over the weekend, and see if they have remote work available.  If so, I could go back into my old line of work, and never need to leave the house to get a job done.  Wish me luck....

The first snow of the season

 

I wasn't in the mood to go to work today, and the snowstorm gave me the perfect excuse to stay home.  Yes, I could have gone into work.  But that would have gotten in the way of catching up on some much needed rest.  And I wasn't going to let that happen.

- - - - - -

The plow had come a couple of times during the night, and there was 4"-5" of snow on the cars in the parking lot.  Instead of getting up earlier than usual to both get dressed as Marian AND clean my car of the snow on top of it, I decided to stay in bed an extra couple of hours and get dressed as Mario for the task of car cleaning.  Luckily, the snow was still fluffy, and I could easily brush it off without trouble,   So, off I went to get a late breakfast (or early lunch, as it might be called), and then back to the homestead.  But I wasn't inside for long before the plow came one last time to clean out the parking lot.  So, it was back into the car, and off to an already plowed visitor's spot.

When I finally looked at my email, I received an email from my pen pal in Canada.  Seems like life isn't going that well for her.  Her mom is ill, and needs surgery.  And if she survives the surgery, they don't know how well she will function.  Afterwards, I decided to see what was doing with my former cruise partner's niece, as she was dealing with stage 4 cancer.  Sadly, her niece passed away before I had the chance to visit.  I sent a message to my former friend to tell her of Becky's death - and have not heard from her.  Just as well.  She'll never get over her hatred for me, and there is no longer any chance to patch things up.  There is one last message I have to send her, and I plan to do so in a couple of weeks. At least, no sane person can say that my last messages were nasty or those of a nasty person....

I finally got some work to do.

 

This was the third day in a row that I haven't slept well.  So if I didn't have my caffeine in the morning, I'd have fallen asleep while shadowing a more senior worker.  Luckily, I can have as much coffee as I want while on break or during lunch.  This means I can get as wired as I need to be to get through the day.

- - - - - -

It's nice to go into the office and be referred to as a "She".  Yes, there may be some people who shun me, but I haven't noticed that yet.  Instead, I showed a friendly appearance to my coworkers, and they have responded back in kind.  I still haven't decided if this is a place I want to stay at for the better part of a year.  But that's OK for now.   

My goal is to sock away enough money to pay for a Hawaiian cruise-tour on NCL sometime next winter.  Whether I go alone, or travel with a partner is not yet a material consideration for me.  YGM showed an interest in this cruise last year, and others may yet want to be a travel partner for this bucket list trip.  In the old days, my former travel partner would suggest a cruise to go on, and we'd plan things around that date.  Since we are no longer friends, the onus is on me to find a new travel partner for the bucket list trips.

Ideally, bucket list trips should be taken with a close friend or family member, as these are the trips one will want to talk about often.  When my wife died, I lost the one person who understood how I felt about San Francisco, as she was with me when I first visited the city.  Most of the trips I took with other women have been forgettable, as nothing much stood out about the places we traveled.  Yet, I can still remember a couple of the trips I took with my ex girlfriend from Rochester, simply because of the problems we encountered on our trips.  I'm glad that she's building memories with her partner of 22+ years, as they are doing the "until death do us part" routine without benefit of legal acknowledgement.

But I digress....

Today, I finally got some work to do after lunch.  And I was grateful to finally be doing some QA on scanned documents.  No, I can't tell you the names of the organizations we do business with. But I can say that they run the gamut of governmental entities, for profit businesses, and not for profit organizations.  Having meaningful work to do is a good thing, as it keeps my mind busy and awake.  (Now, if only I can stay asleep through the night....)

- - - - - -

Since tomorrow will be bringing a 6"-12" snowfall, I'm going to sign off for now and try to get some sleep.  More later....

I don't know what I did all day, but I made up for it at night.

 

Sometimes, I feel that this model of Linda Blair from the Exorcist looks more realistic than I do. But then, Linda was born to be a cisgender woman, while I am transgender.  I figure that there is very little I can do about my image, save to lose weight, get facial feminization surgery, and see if I have enough hair for transplants (and having this procedure done if possible).  Until then, I will not feel that I can be remotely pretty in my own right.

- - - - - -

Like this model, I could be in my jammies all day if it were convenient.  And with the snow falling today, I did just that. Television was the order of the day until it was time to get ready for a co-op board meeting.  And then the "fun" began....

First, I exchanged a few messages with my ex girlfriend, and she was in the office having to take care of some tasks.  A little bit later, shortly before 4 pm, she decided to cut out early, as the roads weren't plowed well in her area.  So this gave me an excuse to end our chat, and to get ready for the board meeting. Then, FH called me, and wanted to get together on Friday.  This way, she could take her ailing dog to the vet, and we could go to dinner afterwards. Next, TCL called, and I didn't have the time to talk with her, as the co-op board meeting was about to start. (I figured that we could chat later on.)  After a while, my brother called during the meeting. So I sent him a message to tell him that I'd call him back. (He was calling to tell me that a check deposited to our joint account had cleared, and that I could pull my share of the money out of the account.) And then, FL called to shoot the breeze. Here was another call that I had to put off until after the board meeting. Finally, TCL called again, and I said that I'd call her back after the board meeting ended.

You'll note that I haven't said anything about the board meeting.  Well, most of what goes on in these meetings are not for public consumption. We have a lot of work ahead of us for the next few weeks, and I figure that we will likely have a few vendor selection meetings coming up in the near future.  My new job may get in the way of my participation, as I expect that I'll be getting out of work at 5:00, and I won't have time to do anything until 6:00.  And then, I figure that I'll have to turn my video off, as I'll still be in my feminine presentation when I get home.

Eventually the meeting ended, with all attendees feeling exhausted.  I returned my brother's call, then texted FL, and finally got the chance to chat with TCL for a while. At least, I was finally able to schedule dinner with Maria for later this week....

It's always nice to help a friend with a problem or two

 

To quote Winston Churchill: "I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key. That key is Russian national interest."  The above picture may help answer the question posed of Churchill, as it is an Enigma from WW2.  Now to find the Riddle and Mystery....

- - - - - -

I opened this entry with the Enigma, as it was cracked with the use of early computers (and a touch of Alan Turing's genius) at Bletchley Park.  Learning how to use Google Ad services can be just as hard to master as the Enigma was to crack.  But with a little help, this is not as hard as it sounds.

Today, I visited a friend who was taking a course for her business.  One of the modules covered how to set up Google Ad Services to bring traffic to her business' web site.  My friend was quite confused, and reached out to me for help - and I spent the whole day at her place trying to make sense of things, then explaining everything to her, so that she could proceed on her own.  

While there, I found that she had a doctor's appointment the next afternoon.  One problem - they were expecting another 3"-5" of snow, and she didn't want to risk two things: (1) Driving home in bad weather, and (2) Having problems with the procedure being done to her foot that would prevent her from driving home herself. So she booked herself a hotel room in Mt. Kisco for two nights, and I drove her to that hotel on my way home.

- - - - - -

On the ride home, my friend commented that she thinks the reason that men are not interested in her is the chaos going on at her place.  This may be a factor, but I don't think it's the main reason.  Instead, I feel that it is her body.  She had problems fitting into my car, and then, we were barely able to buckle up her seat belt because of her hip size.  (This is why I didn't want to date this woman - I like her, but her body would turn me off if I had to be intimate with her.)  We all maintain fantasies of our attractiveness, but most of us have a good sense of the failings of our bodies.

Before leaving her at the hotel, we decided to have dinner.  There was a bar crowd (3-4 people) doing their best to obey New York's Pandemic Beer/Wine/Spirits law as it applies to restaurants - everyone was having a meal with their drinks, while they watched the hockey game on TV.  We were at least 20' away from the other patrons, and enjoyed an uninterrupted dinner in a restaurant that might be barely paying for its basic expenses.

Given that New York City will now be able to allow indoor dining at 25% capacity on Valentine's day weekend, I plan to make reservations at a restaurant on the NYC side of the county line that separates Queens from Nassau counties.  I figure that FH will feel much more comfortable at this place than the place we dined at last weekend.  It's not a fancy place.  But it's a place that's been in business since I was young.  So I think it'll be a good bet for us.

- - - - - -

I have to chuckle about strange coincidences.  The other day, a woman swiped right on my personal ad, and we ended up chatting on line for almost an hour.  Once she told me what she used to do for work, my ears perked up.  She has met me as Marian without knowing it, as she used to own a clothing store geared for plus size women. Now, she's interested in knowing Mario - even though she doesn't yet know that Marian is my other side.  It'll be very interesting if things progress to a point where I have to reveal this to her....

The aftermath of a snowstorm

 

 

After I finished yesterday's entry, a neighbor kept pestering me about not moving my car. To make a long story short, I was not aware that people in tandem parking spaces (like mine) should move their cars before a snow storm, so that plows can push snow into the far end of these spots.  And my neighbor wanted to give me a piece of her mind for not moving my car, when I was not in the mood to go out in the snow....

When the snow eased off around 8:00 pm, I shoveled out my car from 18 inches of snow, and moved it into a nearby cleared out space, giving the plows a better place to push snow. Then, I went inside to rest.  This was not a night I wanted to communicate with people, but I had to respond to the ex when she messaged me.  She was wondering why I was quiet, and I didn't want to say that I wasn't in the best of moods to talk with anyone. So we exchanged messages for a while then called it a night.

- - - - - -

Getting up in the morning was relatively easy.  For the most part, I've been waking up around 8-8:30, just in time to watch Perry Mason in its many reruns. Once I heard the plow come to do a better cleaning of the parking lot, I took a quick shower, dressed (sadly, as Mario), and went out for a long drive.  This would give our snow removal guys the chance to clean out our lot and push all the snow into the back of our tandem spaces. 

While out, I had the opportunity to see fresh snow on the ground and to enjoy the sunlight while I could. Passing by the side of the Old Croton Dam (now underwater), I couldn't help but stop to take the above picture.  It certainly doesn't look like it's in an area within 50 miles of New York Ciry, doesn't it?  As I returned home, I met one of my neighbors, and we discussed some of the problems with the property - such as the wood on his patio deck needing to be replaced.  I mentioned that we are prioritizing repairs as best we can, and that we can't do anything about his deck until the spring.

Once in the apartment, I was in for the day.  As the roads froze, they would become less safe to drive on. And I had no need to go out again.

 

Twas the day of the snowstorm, and all through the apartment.

 

Sooner or later, I'll have to get rid of all the clutter in my apartment. What you can see in this picture makes the place less cluttered than it is today.  I've just been too lazy to pick up my mess, something I've been for about a year now, for reasons I don't plan to discuss here.

When I started this entry, it was the day before the storm.  However, I scrapped what I started to write, and left only this picture taken several years ago in my apartment. I figure that I have a little less than two weeks left to take care of what I need to take care of before my schedule gets screwed up.

- - - - - -

Although I can't say that I woke up with the sun, I can say that I woke up before my alarms started to make their noises.  I was glad of this, as my doctor's receptionist called to reschedule today's appointment.  So now, I have an appointment on a traditional doctor's day to play golf - a Wednesday. But to be a little more serious, I was glad that I didn't have to try to call the doctor's office to change my appointment.

When I finally looked outside, there was only a couple of inches of snow on the ground.  If I didn't know that the forecast said that the worst of the snow was expected around noon today, I'd wonder what all the commotion was about.  It's amazing how some people could be though. I received a call from a neighbor hinting that I should move my car to make it easier for the plows to shovel snow to the area behind my spot.  (If I had thought about it, I'd have parked in a visitors' spot last night, but I'm not in the mood to clear off my car, just to move it to another spot today.)  This is the first time I have received such a call, and I was a little leery of moving the car while it was snowing - so I didn't.  (This woman called me a couple more times until there was way too much snow on the ground to bother with moving the car.)

By the time 5:00 pm came around, there was at least 12" of snow on the ground.  This is when I started doing something constructive for the day - Laundry.  So I figured that this was as good a time as ever to perform a task I've been putting off for a week.  And this was the high point of my day....

 

The calm before the storm

 

Today was a day where I knew I had to do some shopping before the storm hit. I figured that it my last opportunity to go out as Marian before the storm.  So I showered, shaved, and made myself up before going out en-femme. After $85 spent at Wegmans, I have a well stocked refrigerator and some food that doesn't require refrigeration. If I don't lose power, I have soe ethnic food I can heat up and enjoy.  If I lose power, I have pasta and sauce to cook - allowing me to keep the refrigerator and freezer doors closed and keep the temperature at a safe level for a day or so.  Hopefully, I won't need to worry about having power over the next couple of days, as I am not in the mood to throw away food that spoils due to a lack of proper refrigeration.

As I write this, the weather forecast is calling for 12" (or more) to hit the NYC area. This will be the first big storm of the year, and the second one of the season.  It's too bad that I no longer have a cross country ski rig that fits me, as I wouldn't mind going out on the rail trail with freshly fallen snow on the ground.  (My ex likes to snow shoe through her 50 acre property, but that seems like more of an effort than it's worth.)  If I were in better shape, I'd go back to one of the cross-country ski areas of my youth and spend a day outside.

Tomorrow will likely be a day that I spend inside.  Maybe, I'll take the time to attack some of the chores. I'll let you know in my next post. But I can safely say that being transgender will likely not be the focus of tomorrow's entry....

- - - - - -

Many people in the transgender community look to a group of blogs for affirmation that they (the readers) can eventually go out in the world en-femme and not be looked on as men in dresses.  After a while, the novelty wears off, and real life begins.  My blog is a journal of a person who lives in both male and female worlds, and how I balance life between those worlds.

During this pandemic, I have not had as many opportunities to go out in the world as a female, as real world, in-person socialization has almost come to a halt.  So I cherish the times when I go outside and am treated as a lady approaching her senior years.  Hopefully, I'm setting a good example for those people looking to be out in the world, as I don't want people to think that their problems will end once they are out as transgender people.  My blog is a good example of how a person's problems can get more complicated because a person is "out".

I hope that my readers have learned one key thing about being transgender: One's problems do not go away because one is out.  Life goes on, but the rewards can be sweeter because one is living an authentic life.

 

A trip to the supermarket

 

 

Normally, I would have no reason to go to a supermarket in Brooklyn.  But today wasn't a normal day.  FH has heard me talk about the Wegmans in White Plains, and she wanted to see the one in Brooklyn.  So, it was off to Brooklyn to fill up a shopping cart.

Driving the 8.5 miles from Forest Hills to the Brooklyn Navy Yard takes longer than one might think, as there is always traffic on the Long Island Expressway (LIE) and Brooklyn Queens Expressway (BQE).  But the worst part of the trip is finding a spot in Wegmans' parking lot. (We didn't know it, but if we spent more than $15, we could have our parking ticket validated for the paid lot next door.) Yet, once we found a spot, we had a short walk to the store.

FH was very impressed with the size of the store.  The closest she could come to a comparison was Whole Foods, and that was a smaller store with similar (above average) prices. She was impressed with the variety of foods available in the store, including things such as Lobster Mac & Cheese, Sushi, Heat & Eat Mexican, fresh fish and other foods not seen in her "local" supermarket.

A filled shopping cart later, we were ready to leave the store for home.  (No, I won't say how much she spent, but I think she was a wee bit surprised when she found out how much everything cost.)  At least, it was easier to get back to Forest Hills than it was to get to Brooklyn.  And it was much easier to find a spot around 7 pm, than it would be a couple of hours later.

After having some Chinese food upstairs, we settled down to watch "The White Tiger" on Netflix.  During the film, FH and her daughter had a disagreement, and I was caught in the middle of things.  Without saying much, I was there for FH as she talked about some private issues.  And then, we finished watching the film.  I was pleasantly surprised that this film had a plot I liked, a good script with acting to match.  FH thought that my surprise might have been a prejudice against Indian films (which could be true.)  But I countered that I don't like the typical Bollywood film that breaks into a musical number at the most inopportune moment.  (I dislike most Hollywood musicals, and Bollywood takes the idea of a musical a few steps further than Hollywood ever could.) Thinking about it, maybe my film watching bias is towards cultures with which I am more familiar.

And then, it was time to go home.  As I drove down the hill leading into Croton, a sudden chill came into the car.  It's as if cold air had been trapped close to water level, and once encountered, the car's heater couldn't warm up the inside of the car quick enough not to notice a change.  

Tomorrow will be a food shopping day, as a big snowstorm is expected Sunday night through Tuesday morning.  I guess I'll have to postpone my doctor's appointment originally scheduled for this Monday.

I was just about to start writing this entry when....

 

This is the view from my apartment window after a snowfall.  It's not pretty, but the parking lot looks worse after a day or two.  This most recent storm followed the usual path - pretty once the snow stopped falling, and progressively more sloppy as the days drag on.

With the exception of a visit to the doctor to get information on my blood tests (things look much better than expected for me), I didn't do much except for a run to Wegman's to pick up groceries. Since I was already out as Mario, it didn't make sense for me to change into my feminine presentation just to make a supermarket run.

So when I got back home, I settled in for the night.  And then some emergency equipment tried to make it through our poorly plowed parking lot to deal with an issue with one of our residents. Did I go out to check what was going on?  No.  Instead, I got a call from another board member asking me what was going on.  We chatted for a while, and then I started to eat the duck I was cooking.

Was this a wasted day?  Yup.  But without people to get together with (due to the pandemic), it's so much easier to make many days into jammie days. And I did just that today.

Should I talk about the snow that fell?

 

 

I didn't know what to start with first.  So I figured that I'd talk about the first major snowfall we've had in the NYC area this winter, then progress onto other things.

The weatherman predicted that we'd receive 12-18 inches of snow between 5 pm Wednesday and 12 pm Thursday.  Although he was slightly off with his numbers, he was "close enough for government work."  We were on the lower end of that range when the snow ended.  So, around 1 pm on Thursday, I got dressed as Mario and shoveled out my car.  From there, I made it to Croton Dam Park to take some winter pictures.  Part of me wishes I were about 55 years younger, and be one of the kids sledding down the hill in one of the pictures below.

There will always be a part of me that loves winter.  And I have gotten some of my best photographs during this season.  Of the shots I took today, I consider these two my favorites.  There is something about the approach to the bridge that always interests me, but this picture doesn't do the bridge justice.  However, I love the children sledding down the hill, and this picture captures some of the last people to enjoy the hill before the sun set for the day.  If I'm lucky, I'll be able to get more photos there before the magic of this place leaves, waiting for the next heavy snowfall.

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The day after I took the above pictures, I didn't wake up until noon.  (I couldn't get to sleep the night before, and was awake almost to sunrise.  When I did get up, I didn't do much of anything.  And this is why I plan to start looking for work.  It is way too easy for me to get used to doing nothing and getting depressed due to a lack of activity.

 

 

Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow. NOT!

 

As I write this, the snow is falling in front of my apartment.  It is not the blizzard that we're expecting later in the week.  Instead, it is that kind of snow fall that will require a relatively effortless task of shoveling out the car and getting it out of the way for when the plow comes. Unfortunately, this is not the kind of snow fall we're expecting at mid week.  I am seriously considering driving 150-200 miles from here, staying overnight, so that I can avoid the headaches of the expected blizzard.

With weather like this, I usually take the easy way out and venture outdoors as Mario.  If I had a more feminine body (especially, my face and my head), I'd be going outdoors as Marian.  I want to present as authentic an image as possible when I venture outdoors.  

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2020 will be known as the year of the Pandemic.  In the USA, it will also be known as the year that the public (for now) was able to save a democratic republic from becoming a corrupt authoritarian kleptocracy.  (Please, no comments from any stray Trump supporters who may read this blog.)  Our soon to be former president's base continues to be a threat to the LGBTIQ community.  So we're still in danger, if not from Trump, then from the people who make up his base.

The other day, I visited a person who was a "knee jerk" Republican.  Just the mention of the word "Socialism" makes him worry. So, he fears people like AOC and Bernie Sanders.  He'd vote for Trump, corrupt as he is, instead of for representatives who could keep the left most part of the Democratic Party coalition in check.  But then, this man lives in a suburban bubble where he never sees minorities, except when they get into trouble.  (Grand jury duty only served to intensify this man's biases against minorities.)  Although the man is a decent person, his attitudes have been shaped by the social bubble and media bubble that he lives in.

Most of my readers live in different social and media bubbles from the above Republican. We are among the people who are often demonized in their bubbles.  They call our news outlets the "lame stream media".  Why?  Because it doesn't reinforce their beliefs.  Years ago, we could count on the main stream media to cover the news and report it objectively.  Today, people get to choose highly biased news outlets, and never get the chance to learn objective truths.  This is not healthy in a democratic republic, as we need to acknowledge a single set of objective facts, and only then form opinions about those facts.  

This leads me back to the pandemic.  America has been a victim of its own politics.  Wearing/not wearing a face mask is usually a good sign of a person's political beliefs.  In the past, we had presidents who cared about public health.  Our current president does not care - and was (supposedly) struck by the coronavirus himself. Yet, he still models behaviors which are in opposition to those recommended by the CDC.  As long as people consider the danger of this pandemic to be a hoax, then we will suffer from it much longer than necessary. 

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A long time ago, I looked forward to snow.  Now, it is one of many things that gets in the way of me living my life.  Until it is cleared away, I intend to stay in my flannel nightgown and stay warm and cozy for the next few days.

 

Getting out too late to see the sun.

 

There are parts of me that should have been born in another era. For example, I would have liked to have traveled by train across the US in the age of peak passenger rail - even with all of the headaches of doing this kind of trip. I would have loved to see people such as Benny Goodman, Chuck Berry, and Dave Brubeck in person in their prime.  But I would have felt out of place, as well as being crippled, as my life has been defined by the ever growing importance of computers in our lives.

Today, I decided to stay indoors and watch old movies on the TV.  The selections I had to choose from would not have been available to me in a pre-computer age.  Not only could I select a movie I wanted to see from several libraries available to me. But I could view the movie without having to load film reels onto a projector for viewing.  While the movies were on the TV, I could surf the web from a tablet computer - something I never would have dreamed possible when I first came in contact with computers half a century ago.  So, the movement of the sun in the sky has much less meaning to me today than it would have meant had I been around a century ago.

When I finally took my daily shower, I knew that I'd be going out to the grocery store as the sun was setting, and coming home in the dark. My life is only loosely tied to the sun.  But it is still connected with the weather outside.  For example, as I write this entry, the weatherman predicts a small snow storm for tomorrow, where 1"-2" inches of snow will need to be plowed away.  A couple of days later, the same weatherman is predicting 12"-18" of snow to be dumped in my area of the New York City suburbs.  Since I hate shoveling snow, I've started to consider the idea of driving North of Albany, NY early that day, staying the night, and taking a leisurely drive home the following afternoon.  Is it worth the gas and driving to get out of shoveling snow?  Who knows?  But I'll make that decision in a couple of days, then plan accordingly.

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Lately, I've been in contact with someone I used to communicate with on a daily basis.   It's nice to be back in contact again.  But I'm being careful, as I don't want to be hurt or to cause hurt.  (It took 3 years for me to repair things with my brother, and it took the death of my wife as a catalyst for this to happen.  I don't want similar trauma to either get in the way of a rapprochement or a disconnection. )  I'll keep my readers informed as things progress.