I prefer to see reality than live in a fantasy world

 

The other day, RQS sent me some links to various "meetup" sites whose purposes are simply to enable people to make new social connections.  A couple of these sites were geared for females to make social connections.  So, I asked RQS how passable I am, and she noted that there are some telltales that I am TG.  In short, I am not 100% passing, but that's OK for most purposes - just not for all.

It's hard for people to see reality these days, much be comfortable with reality.  We live in an age where the people we once could count on to tell us things resembling truthful opinions now tell us lies we want to hear.  We have a president who is a pathological liar, and who is totally disconnected from reality.  We are in a war that no one wanted, save for two people: Bibi Netanyahu and Donald Trump.  And now, Trump is telling lies which conflict with themselves:  "We have won the war with Iran." and "We need more money to win the war with Iran."  Where is our objective reality here?   Trump is the leader of an American cult which, unfortunately, has taken control of our government.  At a macro level, much of America is stuck living in a fantasy world.  But what about us as individuals?

As an individual living in a society which has become untethered from reality, I find it harder to maintain a solid connection to reality. First, I need to find objective information about myself and the world I live in.  As a TG, I need to know many things: How well do I present? What can I do to improve my presentation? Where can I travel safely in my preferred presentation? How do I keep informed of significant events that could affect me?    Second, I need to make reasonable decisions based on the information I gather.  In the case of travel, I have to be absolutely sure of how well I pass, as I could be committing a felony in some states.  (I was in one Southern state where I had to go to the loo and relieve myself while presenting as Marian.  Technically, I committed a felony just by needing to take a bio-break.  Luckily, no one cared where I was.)  Even worse, I can't visit many countries as Marian, as my assumed gender preference would be considered illegal and punishable under their laws.  (We're seeing that in some American states today.)  I have to be sensitive to the fact that we now have a federal government hostile to TGs and the rest of the LGBT community.  So, I am glad that I sent information to a nation where a grandparent came from, so that I have an exit route available in advance.

One TG individual I know has been corrupted by the media she consumes.  Although she has lost the desire to get her passport renewed in her identified gender due to Trump's executive order, she still refers to his political enemies by the childish names he uses for those people.  Yet, she can't identify why these people are bad.  She sees the word "Socialist" and identifies all evil to this word and those who identify with it.  Yet, she can't identify what is bad about the word itself.  Even though she's unhappy with the cult leader, she still identifies with the values of the cult - even when the cult would treat her like crap.  This transgender woman is not alone in her fantasy views of identity.  Another transgender woman I met belonged to a conservative religious denomination.  When she moved to upstate NY, she went to attend another church of that sect.  The pastor said that she shouldn't attend again because she was TG.  Her identity conflicted with what others saw that her identity should be,  We all can make similar mistakes.  This is why we need to always seek objective reality, instead of seeking to feel comfortable living within our fantasies.

I ended up doing nothing until dinner

 

I didn't have much to do today, so I stayed inside until dinner time.  And then, it was time to get off my rump and do something....

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Although I went to sleep late last night, I finally had a full night's sleep with the exception of a few bio-breaks during the night.  (I wonder if this is a result of the new meds I'm taking.)  So, the 10 am alarm woke me up, and I had my bagel for breakfast.  (The other one will be eaten tomorrow.)  And then, I started watching YouTube videos.

Although I had plans to do laundry today, I decided NOT to do it.  Instead, I relaxed until the end of the afternoon, and then started to get dressed as Marian. This was not a day I wanted to spend much money for dinner, so I drove to a Halal food joint in Yonkers and got a combo platter.  Boy, was this platter filling!  But then, my stomach seems to be getting smaller.  So, I could have easily split the platter in half and brought the other half home as leftovers.

Next, it was off to Lidl to buy some food.  By the time I left, I had a full bag and was only out $24.  Not bad for an unplanned food run.  What is weird about the store is that if one uses the self checkout machines, one is supposed to let a gate scan your receipt before letting you go out of the store.  Luckily, someone else opened the gate, and I went through under her scan.

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Sometime tomorrow morning, I have to pack some clothes for my upcoming cruise and bring it to RQS's place.  (I'll have more to bring to her place in a couple of weeks.)  So, I'll have one big suitcase to bring with Mario's clothes, and a smaller suitcase to being for this weekend in Marian mode. 

Some of the things I like involve historical restoration.

Lately, I've been watching videos  regarding the restoration of a GM EV1, number V212.  This is a rare car in private hands (a small number of the production run was donated to schools and museums with the guts disabled).  Unlike those cars in museums, this car has no restrictions on its use, due to the way the car was obtained.

The YouTube channel "The Questionable Garage" is actively attempting to restore this car to drive able condition.  And it is fascinating to see what they have gone through to prepare the car to be restored to road-worthiness.   When I saw their first video, they explained how the car fell out of GM's control, and the problems that they'd have to face in restoring it.  One of the big problems was the windshield, as no other car used this exact windshield shape.  They noted issues with batteries, electronics, and other challenges that they would have to overcome to achieve their ultimate goal. (See this article for more information.)

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the current management of GM is taking an active role in helping to get this "one of a kind" car in private hands back on the road.  And they gave this project a set of parts from their very own "parts car" (including glass) to help in the effort.  They showed the history of both GM's work with electric cars and the batteries used to power them.  Strangely enough, it made me feel good about GM to see them help get the car back on the road.

Hopefully, more episodes about this vehicle will be available soon, as I'm hoping that the owner will take the car on the road during 2027. 

Lasagna - a dish Garfield and I both love.

 

Today, it was lunch with CCS in Ossining.  Given that I hadn't seen her in a month, I was hoping for a quiet time at a "Red Sauce Joint" in Ossining.  That was not to be, given the loud table behind me making it hard for us to have a nice conversation.

But first...

I had some new clothes to wear today.  So after shaving, showering, and applying makeup, I decided to wear them.  First was the sports bra from Rainbeau Curves.  That fit well.  But the leggings were one size too small.  (I'll save them for when I shrink a size - they were cheap enough to gamble on.)  Over this was another tunic dress from J.C.Penney.  I looked good when I drove to the restaurant.

CCS and I arrived at the same time.  It was crowded for a change, and we ended up sitting too close to the group of friends/office workers (?) who were talking loudly.  I couldn't hear CCS, and I had to ask her to repeat herself many a time.  We talked about politics, health issues, family, and other things of note.  At least, the Lasagna was as good as usual, and I had enough for leftovers.  Yet, I could barely keep track of the chat due to the noise behind me.  But the crowd left before we finished our meal, and we had a few quiet minutes before we, ourselves, had to leave.

After dinner, I went home to relax.  I made a couple of appointments with friends - one for coffee with a co-op board member, and the other with a friend from Dover Plains that I haven't seen in ages.  This will keep me busy for a while.

Catching up on my reading. (A short post)

 

This is the book that I've been reading lately.  Unfortunately, I have no more renewals left on the book. It means that I'm supposed to return the book to the library by the end of the day.  Of course, I'll do my best to finish the remaining 325 pages by tomorrow night.

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I keep hemming and hawing about signing up for a dinner group in NYC.  To join will set me back $20/month, and I'm not sure if I want to spend this kind of money, plus the cost of dinners, and the cost of weekly trips to meet new people.  It might be worth joining the group for a month.  But I'm not sure whether this kind of commitment is worth it.  Yet, it might be nice to go into NYC on a regular basis for a while.

Right now, I have several more hours to make this decision.  I'll write more about this soon.

Getting used to a reorganized kitchen (a short post)

 

I wish my kitchen was this useful.  Sadly, I have too much stuff in the kitchen to make it truly useful.  It would make things easier for me if I were to get rid of items I don't use.  But to do that would mean making hard decisions that I'm not ready to make right now.

This weekend, RQS straightened out my kitchen.  But I hadn't yet had the chance to use it.  Today was my chance.  First, I had to drop RQS off at the station to return home.  And then, I could go home to rest.  Given that it was a dreary day AND that I had no plans to go out later, I got dressed as Mario just to drop RQS off.  After a quick stop at the deli to get a breakfast sandwich, it was home for the day.

Once home, I took a needed nap, and then started work on reorganizing information I'll need to create another cruise tool.  So, that killed some time until dinner.  There was some salmon in the fridge, but I wasn't interested in that.  Instead, I was more interested in the "more than" half chicken from last night.  Cutting off the remaining right breast (RQS doesn't carve a bird well) and full left leg, I proceeded to prepare this part of the bird for nuking.  Next, I made some flavored rice, then cobbled up some gravy to ladle over the bird.  Finally, I warmed up the bird and had a hearty meal.

Regarding the placement of some items in the kitchen, I switched the garbage can's spot with the original place for the rolling cart, Now, I don't have to move the cart each time I want to get utensils from the drawer.  RQS is good at finding the energy to do this kind of reorganization, but not as good at figuring out a practical final state.  Maybe that's why we work well together - we complement each other in our areas of weakness.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to get out and (maybe) get my nails done.  Then, it should be another week as Marian.

Saturday, a trip to IKEA. Sunday, a brunch not eaten.

 

Saturday would be a day spent presenting as Marian.  But first, RQS decided to help organize the clutter which was my kitchen.  So, for half the day, I didn't bother doing much.  But at 4 pm, we ended up driving to IKEA to look for a rolling cart.  $143.00 later, I had the cart and other needed items coming home in my car with us.  Both of us knew NOT to work on any IKEA assembly (including simple ones) until after we had a chance to sleep and get some more rest.

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Sunday would be a day spent as Mario.  We had negotiated noon as a mutual time for brunch, as RQS's friend insisted that we meet no later than noon because her grandchild would need her 1 pm nap.  I was a little miffed, as I knew that the friend didn't want to bend or accommodate our needs.  But, since this friend was down from Boston, I said OK to having lunch at noon, missing church for the nth Sunday in a row. !0 minutes before we were to arrive at the diner, the friend called asking us if we could meet at 1:30 pm.  Both of us were annoyed.  We altered our plans for the friend, and now she wanted to change things.  Both of us were peeved.  Her friend didn't care what she was doing to our schedules.  Only her schedule was important.  So RQS said we'll have to get together another time, and we proceeded to have lunch on our own.

What to do next?  Well, we hung out until 5 pm, assembling the rolling cart we bought the day before, then drove to BJ's to pick up a rotisserie chicken for dinner, and then went back home to eat.  For the most part, it was an OK day.  But one that could have been much better if we had been able to keep our original plans for the day.