A run to Kingston to attend a spa's grand opening.

 

I haven't seen my friend Maria for over a year, and today was the chance to say hello and catch up with her for a few minutes.  The catch, the spa she owns with two partners is up in Kingston, NY, and we were in Croton.  So going to see her for a few minutes may not have been a cost effective trip.  But it was one I wanted to do to stay in contact with a person I think is worth the effort to know.

- - - - - - 

RQS and I got up late, and by the time we left the apartment was 3:15 pm.  This meant we could easily make it to the spa by 4:30 - 5:00 pm, and be able to have a leisurely drive home.  However, we forgot one thing - traffic.  Even with traffic, we were in Kingston (after a couple of stops) around 5:00 pm, and got to the address which was given to google maps.  One problem - the link I was sent had two addresses: the address of the business and the address of one of the owners of the business.  Guess where google sent us?  Certainly not to where we wanted to go, but to a nondescript home in one of Kingston's residential districts.

Once I realized we had a problem, I manually entered the spa's address, and google sent us through the back roads to get to the spa.  And even then we had a little bit of confusion before we got to the spa.  As we arrived, I mentioned that we were looking for Maria, and I was greeted warmly by Maria.  She introduced us to her boyfriend (when is he going to make her an "honest woman?") and showed us around the place.  Then RQS received a complimentary 15-minute facial before we left for home.  Hopefully, Maria will fit us into her schedule sometime early in the new year.

Instead of taking the thruway back home, we came down Route 9.  Even though it was pitch black outside, it was nice to see the lights in Rhinebeck on for the holidays.  On the way back, we stopped into a store to pick up a few sundries, and then stopped off at the bank and the supermarket before reaching home for the night.  

Hard to believe that we'll be on our cruise soon!!!!

Shopping as entertainment

 

One thing that many males complain about is the female style of shopping.  Males usually have a good idea of what they shop for, and go directly to what they want in a store, pick it out, bring it to the checkout counter, and leave the store shortly after they arrive.  Contrast this with the female way of shopping.  Most females will enter the store and browse.  Although they know what they want to find, they look at all the available offerings to see if there is something special that may have been overlooked, and then get to the products they wanted to look at.  It doesn't matter whether the woman buys the product or not, as it is the search that seems to count.

Although the above may be an exaggeration of how the two genders tend to approach things, the approaches may relate to our history as a hunter/gatherer species.  Given how males process visual input for moving things, it makes sense for males to focus on a specific target, hunt for it, and then "bag it" to being home to the family.  Females focus more on stationary visual input and the other senses, and this may have given them an advantage when gathering food.  The slight differences in color, smell and taste may make a big difference when gathering food, as being able to interpret the subtle differences in fruits and plants may be the difference in whether one eats poison or nutritious food.

When I started going out as a female, I retained a male way of shopping.  I knew what I wanted to buy, and didn't want to waste any time in doing so.  Now that I'm retired, my style has changed a little - especially in clothes shopping.  I'll browse through catalogs, as well as clothing racks to see if there is something that interests me, and buy things if I find them interesting enough and needed enough.  Shopping is more fun now, as I can openly enjoy using the products of my searches - especially when I'm browsing through a candy store, like the one above.

Can you imagine what I'd be like if I were a Size 18 again?

Cleaning up the mess in my apartment - a short post

 

RQS and I planned to do some cleanup work in my apartment today.  Guess what?  In less than two hours, she pronounced the place almost ready to have the cleaning lady start working in my place again.  The word "Almost" is the key word here.

- - - - - -

As I go into the nooks and crannies of my apartment, I find more things that can either be thrown out or donated to charity.  Today, we filled up another 3-4 bags for charity, as well as more bags of trash to be thrown out.  The dining room table is almost clear, and there are less boxes in back of the love seat in the left of this picture.  I couldn't have gotten this far without RQS's help, and I'll always be grateful for this help.  But I know that payback will come when I have to do the same for her at her apartment.

Once we finished dinner, it was time to go out and do some recreational shopping.  When I do this, it is always for things I could use, and not just for entertainment.  For example, today's shopping bag contained 4 LED light bulbs, Command Strips for damage free mounting pictures on walls, and a mouse pad that I can keep with my Chromebook computer.  On the way home, we stopped at Mickey D's for a treat before returning to my place.

On the whole, we accomplished more in 2 hours than I could get done in a week.  It's nice having someone around to help me be the best I can be.

A short weekend with RQS as Marian

Even though RQS and I were going to spend less time together than what has become usual, this was going to turn out to be a special weekend - we would be getting pedicures together.  Finally, a whole weekend together where I'd be in Marian Mode!

- - - - - -

Unlike the past few weekends that RQS came to visit, she had things to do before getting on the Northbound train to Croton.  Arriving at dinnertime, RQS said that she wanted to eat either Mexican, Indian, or Japanese (Sushi) cuisines.  And the first place I could think of was near the Walmart in Mohegan Lake - Wild Fusion Asian Sushi Bar & Grill.  

Arriving at the restaurant around 6:00 pm, we found that the restaurant was almost empty.  Shortly after being seated, our orders were taken - and then we were forgotten about for a while. Things had changed since I was last here with FCP several years ago.  While waiting, I noticed that the seating area which once existed in front of the sushi bar was now a staging area for to-go and delivery orders. RQS noticed that the restaurant had filled up in the time between our orders were taken and the time our dishes reached the table.  Although we enjoyed the food and would normally eat there again, the slow and inadequate service turned us off from going back anytime soon.

Our next stop was the above mentioned Walmart.  I had lost (or misplaced) my set of keys to RQS's place, and needed a replacement set.  So, I figured that we could stop by the Key cutting kiosk there, and be out in 5 minutes.  Well, RQS forgot her login code for the machine, and we had to recut replacement keys from scratch.  (This time, I saved the key info under my email address, just in case I lose the keys again.) 10 minutes later, we were off to the supermarket to pick up goodies for the next night's dinner.  After our supermarket visit, RQS looked at her seat and noticed something unexpected - the missing set of keys.  At least, I now have 3 sets of keys to her place, one of them on Mario's key chain.  That should be the last time I misplace keys to her place....

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and we took our time before going out to get our nails done.  Since RQS has pottery class this coming week, she chose to only get a pedicure.  I chose to get a mani-pedi, and was now committed to going out in the world as Marian for the next week or so. For the next hour or so, we enjoyed being pampered by the ladies at the nail salon.  

Our next stop would bring us across the river, and down to Paramus, NJ.  I wanted to have RQS look at a dress I was interested in, as I wanted to be able to wear it on my upcoming cruise to the Bahamas;  RQS wanted to look at some clothes that would help her refresh her wardrobe.  So, I tried to find the dress that had been in plentiful supply at the Lane Bryant in Pelham, NY, while RQS browsed the store for things she was interested in.  Although I found the dress in an out of the way nook of the store, it was not in my size.  RQS said that she liked the dress, and I made a note to buy it online when it hit my net price point.  RQS found two tops that fit her well.  This was a very productive trip.

And then, it was time to go home for the evening.

- - - - - -

When we got up, RQS said that she was taking me out for brunch.  It was nice to be treated for a change. But neither of us had much energy, and we didn't get to the diner until 1:30 pm.  As we arrived, the heavens opened up, and we waited a little before dashing inside to eat.  Luckily, the rain had eased off by the time we left the diner, and it was back to my apartment to pick up RQS's bags for her return home.  A few minutes later, it was time to go - and this was fortuitous, as there was a (unscheduled?) train waiting to take RQS into Grand Central.  (Later, I'd find that there were floods on the line North of Croton-Harmon.)  Although RQS would get home later than expected, I'll bet that her cat wouldn't leave her alone once she opened the door to her apartment.

A Holiday Weekend with RQS (Part 2)

 

Since this was Independence Day weekend, RQS and I had thought of going to a Fireworks display on Sunday.  This was not to be. We thought we'd do some furniture shopping in the afternoon,  and it made more sense to clean the apartment a little before going out. Once we spent 30 minutes in clean-up activities, we felt it a better choice to stay at home and watch movies all day.  Although we did go out in the evening to get some ice cream, this was a day that we paid attention to the weather and rested at home.

- - - - - -

Monday was just as warm as it was the day before.  But we had to go out - RQS left her shower cap at home, and it was time for her to take a nice leisurely bath.  (RQS's bath tub is only large enough for Billy Barty, and he's been gone for 23 years now.)  So, it was up to Poughkeepsie, where I did some sofa shopping, and then to Target for the Shower Cap.

On the way home, we stopped off at a supermarket for items needed for dinner.  Although I had some pork chops ready to cook, we still needed salad stuff and dessert - which we found at a reasonable price. Once home, I tried cooking the pork chops in a new way (for me), doing most of the cooking in a toaster oven and giving them some texture by searing in a cast-iron skillet.  Was my cooking a success?  Maybe.  But I learned to use more seasoning the next time I do this.

- - - - - -

Finally, it was Independence Day, and time for RQS to leave.  As Shakespeare said, "Parting is such sweet sorrow."  I didn't want RQS to leave, and yet I appreciated having space to myself again.  RQS got home safely, and her cat was all over her when she opened the door.

I brought TCL and RQS together for the first time - a short post

 

No, that is not RQS next to me.  Instead, this strong, silent critter  just made me want to show some affection for someone who is a little different.

But to be serious....

I've been trying to get TCL and RQS in the same place for a while.  But circumstances never permitted it.  Recently, I was able to schedule a shopping trip to New Jersey to take care of some errands for RQS, and then meet up with TCL afterwards to chat.  However, I had to make sure that I was presenting as a male 😞 for this meeting to happen.

First, RQS and I went to the pet store to buy some "pill pockets" for use this coming week when we planned to take one cat to the vet for its periodic fur removal. After that, it was off to Home Depot to get some blinds for her apartment. And then it was off to Dunkin Donuts to meet with TCL for coffee. Who knew that we'd be chatting for over 2 hours, until the shop had to close.  Now, RQS has seen TCL and understands how she can ramble on and on at times.  (I do it too, and have to watch out for when I do so.)

Later on, I received a text from TCL - she loves RQS and sees how and why we get along.  I'm sure that the two of us will be seeing her again soon.

By the time I got to try it on, it was sold out.

 

I was trying to find this dress at Lane Bryant, so that I could try it on and make a decision whether to buy it or not. Although the blue dress is in stock, the dress above is not.  This means that I may end up buying a different dress from Avenue in a similar color, or buy this dress in a different color.

It's just as well that they didn't have this dress in stock.  If it had been, I might have bought it on an impulse.  Over a quarter century since my late wife died, I understand the allure of shopping for new clothes.  It's fun to decorate yourself in new ways - something most men do not understand.  Although I can say no to most impulse purchases, there are a few items that shout "Buy Me!" that are very hard to resist.  And I've been lucky NOT to fall prey to too many of these purchase opportunities.

Given that my closets are overflowing with clothes, I think I got lucky in NOT being able to buy this dress....

- - - - - -

On other matters, the son of someone I know just earned his medical degree.  Congratulations!   Too bad that I will forever be on the outs with his mom.  Yet, when I was coming home from the store tonight, I asked myself - what did I like about this woman?  And the one answer that came up was that I thought that she accepted me as I am.  Yes, I ruined our friendship.  But in her angry attacks over the past 2 1/2 years, I found out what she really thought of me.  We didn't have that much in common.  But I liked her anyway.

- - - - - - 

Going to Lane Bryant, I had an hour long chat with TCL.  Towards the end, I told her of a conversation I had with FH, documented in a prior entry.  TCL agrees with me about FH - and I didn't even tell TCL who I was talking about.  Sadly for FH, she will never understand why I didn't jump at the opportunity to be her "Plus 1" for a wedding she's attending next weekend.  I can't imagine having to get dressed up to go to a party where I know no one but my partner and put my relationship with RQS at risk.

Thinking of RQS, I mentioned our minor problems in Washington, DC.  TCL realized that we passed an early test of whether a relationship is good or not.  We were able to deal with a situation of moderate stress and work together well to resolve a problem.  I still keep my fingers crossed each time we may encounter another situation that could cause us some grief.  Hopefully, we'll keep passing these tests as time goes on....

Random thoughts on a weekend day

I usually take care of shopping for the week on weekends.  When I'm at RQS's place I usually go to the supermarket on my way home.  This way, I'm able to pick up lunches for several days.  If I haven't done my laundry, Sunday is the day it gets done.  This weekend, I got a little bit done, but didn't have energy for anything else.

Yes, I've written about being tired many times before.  And I will likely do so again.  But I've noticed that when I don't have much at stake, I tend to do nothing - not forcing myself to gt up to do any of the things I need to do.  Is it old age, is it depression, or is it something else?  The root of my lethargy is a big concern to me, as I feel that as I approach traditional retirement age that I need to understand more about my health.

- - - - - -

Years ago, I could ride a bicycle all day, covering 50 miles without much thought other than the time it would take to do so.  Today, I couldn't even pedal a bicycle up the small hill that I live on.  Much of this can be explained by the weight I've put on over the years.  But that's not the only factor.  I never learned how to eat healthy, nor did I develop a taste for "healthy" things to eat.

One of the things I can do to help myself is to get outdoors more often.  Before I took my current job, I had no problem finding time to do this - even in the worst days of the pandemic.  Now, it's much harder for me.  I figure that things will get better once I finally retire for good, as I will both have no excuses not to get out and I will have the time (and energy) to do so when my body is ready to do so.

- - - - - -

In chatting with my brother for a few minutes, he mentioned that an operation he just had is healing nicely.  Hopefully, he'll still be glad that he took care of this when he has to go to work.  In many ways, he's in the same position I'm in - he can't ask a family member for help.  In his case, he'd prefer to ask a friend for help.  In my case, I'd need to ask a friend for help.  This will become more of a problem as we get older, as there will be fewer people around that we can ask for help when we need it.

- - - - - -

I could go on and on about little things.  But I'm not in the mood for regurgitating little things.  So, I'll end this entry here....

I just have no energy anymore

 

I have so many things to take care of these days, but I have no energy to do them.  I wonder if it is my not getting enough sleep, or something else.

- - - - - -

Throughout the day, I was doing whatever I could to stay awake.  I was finding that my body wasn't liking the routine of sitting at my workstation for hours at a time.  So, 4:30 didn't come quick enough for me (and the rest of the people at the office). But I was still tired after I got home, and ended up napping a little after cooking a couple of hamburgers for dinner.

While this was going on, I was supposed to call CWS to chat and figure out when the next time was that we could get together.  That didn't happen.  Additionally, FH was pestering about getting together.  She hadn't seen me in a while, and I think she was trying to get a ride for some shopping she wanted to do.  (After making noises a couple of weeks ago about the Omicron variant making NYC too dangerous to visit, she wanted to walk around a mall on Long Island.)  I mentioned Omicron, and suggested just dinner somewhere, or meeting next week.  And she countered with a grocery shopping expedition at Trader Joe's.  She was a little upset that I didn't jump at seeing her, but I needed a day to myself to recharge - and that was my plan for the first day of a weekend.

Dealing with women was not the only thing I had to do.  I still need to call NCL in regard to missing Latitude Point credits.  I still want to contact a woman from OK Cupid who is not a match for me, but who could be a great friend.  (We've chatted before, but cultural issues would make romance impossible.)  Then, I still have tickets to a Darlene Love concert to buy.  None of the many things I wanted to accomplish after work got done.  And I have to deal with Laundry tomorrow.  AARGH!

- - - - - -

Although I can easily switch between Mario and Marian modes these days, I often wish I could stay in Marian mode longer than I do.  But then, I'd never be able to date.  I'm willing to make this compromise in order to have a chance at romance. And, I'm just as willing to split my time in each mode, so that I can have romance.  

The big question is: How much energy do I have left in life?

Not much to say today

 

 

Today was a dreary day, where I wanted to stay in bed all day.  And for the most part, that's what I did until I had to get up and start taking care of laundry for the week.

- - - - - -

Normally, I try to get my weekly chores done on Sunday, as I reserve Saturday for being with friends. Some of these Saturdays, you'll find Mario going out on a date, hoping to make another love connection with someone who could become special.  Other Saturdays, you'll find me spending time with a friend, just to keep from getting too lonely.

Given that it was wet and foggy outside, I decided to go outside as Mario - only to shop for a few lunches I could eat during the week at work, and to go downstairs to wash a load of colors.  (I can do whites during the week, as I now spend 5-6 days per week as Marian, and don't need them as much.) Soon, I expect that I'll see the new resident in both of my modes.  But I was glad I didn't see her today, as her dad was helping her move in. (He used to work on my car until I got better scheduling of regular maintenance from other shops.)  Sometime later this year, I'll see if she wants to be part of the board, as she suggested that she'd be willing to help out with things.

Towards mid evening, I worked with a fellow board member, and showed her the ropes of using zoom for a meeting.  Now, she has the tools to run a meeting without my assistance - and that's a load off my back.

I keep making lists, but nothing comes of them.

 

One of the things I do at work each day while not looking at a computer screen is to make a list of things to buy and things to accomplish.  Some of these lists I make involve things I need to do now, and other things I need to do in the future- such as blogging about my future vaccinations.  This helps to keep my mind focused enough to get through the day at work, and to help set my priorities for the near future.

Some of the things on these lists involve people I want to call, so that I can arrange my social schedule for the next couple of weeks.  This can involve setting up an occasional date or two. Other things involve cooking, and and the ingredients I have at hand.  Often, I plan to buy salad and eat it, but I never get around to it. Other times, I plan to cook some pudding, but I never get around to it - the milk I have in the ice box always seems to go to waste. Very little of these things to do and things to buy ever get checked off.

With this being said, I feel that making these lists is a good thing, as I know what my priorities are.  The things I did not buy or did not do are not that important at the moment, but the ones I checked off the list were the ones that were needed to be taken care of most. 

So I will continue to make my lists and see what happens next.

The calm before the storm

 

Today was a day where I knew I had to do some shopping before the storm hit. I figured that it my last opportunity to go out as Marian before the storm.  So I showered, shaved, and made myself up before going out en-femme. After $85 spent at Wegmans, I have a well stocked refrigerator and some food that doesn't require refrigeration. If I don't lose power, I have soe ethnic food I can heat up and enjoy.  If I lose power, I have pasta and sauce to cook - allowing me to keep the refrigerator and freezer doors closed and keep the temperature at a safe level for a day or so.  Hopefully, I won't need to worry about having power over the next couple of days, as I am not in the mood to throw away food that spoils due to a lack of proper refrigeration.

As I write this, the weather forecast is calling for 12" (or more) to hit the NYC area. This will be the first big storm of the year, and the second one of the season.  It's too bad that I no longer have a cross country ski rig that fits me, as I wouldn't mind going out on the rail trail with freshly fallen snow on the ground.  (My ex likes to snow shoe through her 50 acre property, but that seems like more of an effort than it's worth.)  If I were in better shape, I'd go back to one of the cross-country ski areas of my youth and spend a day outside.

Tomorrow will likely be a day that I spend inside.  Maybe, I'll take the time to attack some of the chores. I'll let you know in my next post. But I can safely say that being transgender will likely not be the focus of tomorrow's entry....

- - - - - -

Many people in the transgender community look to a group of blogs for affirmation that they (the readers) can eventually go out in the world en-femme and not be looked on as men in dresses.  After a while, the novelty wears off, and real life begins.  My blog is a journal of a person who lives in both male and female worlds, and how I balance life between those worlds.

During this pandemic, I have not had as many opportunities to go out in the world as a female, as real world, in-person socialization has almost come to a halt.  So I cherish the times when I go outside and am treated as a lady approaching her senior years.  Hopefully, I'm setting a good example for those people looking to be out in the world, as I don't want people to think that their problems will end once they are out as transgender people.  My blog is a good example of how a person's problems can get more complicated because a person is "out".

I hope that my readers have learned one key thing about being transgender: One's problems do not go away because one is out.  Life goes on, but the rewards can be sweeter because one is living an authentic life.

 

Shopping can be an addiction.

 

There's a part of me that keeps looking for things to add to my wardrobe. But every time I start looking at the usual sites, I find it harder and harder to find something worthwhile to add to my wardrobe.  It's not just because I will need to find room for new garments.  But it is also because I have nothing much to do, and am looking for something to occupy my mind.  I'll bet it was this feeling that tempted my late wife too much, causing her to give in and buy clothes she did not need.

Luckily, I seem to have gotten my fill of actually buying clothes.  It helps that the stores I would go to no longer have a brick and mortar presence.  Otherwise, I'd still be buying new dresses for my closet.  Even so, I will need to replace my wardrobe piece by piece as I lose weight. If I'm lucky, and maintain some sort of discipline, I may get back to wearing a size 18W dress again.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

As has become a habit with me lately, I didn't get much sleep last night.  So I figured I'd check to see if a problem I was having renewing one of my prescriptions could be resolved online.  Unfortunately, what I feared happening happened - my health insurance was not properly renewed.  So I had to spend the better part of an hour, first thing in the morning, to get the problem resolved with the insurance company.  Of course, this problem can not be resolved by snapping one's fingers, or by a single keystroke.  Instead, I'll have to wait another 24-48 hours for the paperwork to make it through the pipeline. So I'll now have to wait for a call before I can make next month's payment. 

While killing time (I had a co-op board meeting to attend in the evening, I scanned some emails from my inboxes. There were several indoor meetups being held by the Fun Time Friends group - and I will be passing on them until after I've been vaccinated for Covid. But there were two outdoor meetups that I am considering attending: (1) at the Poughkeepsie Bridge Across the Hudson, and (2) at Muscoot Farm.  Both involve a little bit of walking, but I can always skip out on that if I want if I'm getting a little tired.  If I had my criticisms about my ex's favorite dinner group and the virus, I have more regarding this group. But I don't have to attend any indoor activities, and these outdoor activities will be in "my" neck of the woods.

Of course, I've been trying to keep up to date with the women I've been chatting with on the dating sites.  There are two that I might get along with, but have special needs adult offspring. I'm not sure if I could deal with those issues, given my personality traits.  However, there are two that things seem to be clicking.  One lives in Manhattan, and the other in New Jersey. It doesn't make that much sense for me to do anything other than talk, with the infection rate spiking around here.  This morning, I read an alarming statistic regarding infection rates on Long Island, and it implies things are worse than we are being led to believe.  No, it's not something one can worry about in itself.  It's because our government has decided that it can't get away with another lock down, and is trying to muddle through until vaccinations start bringing the infection rate down.  (Contact tracing may be of help, but the statistics imply that we may be beyond the point where tracing may be an effective tool to stop the spread.) However, there is also some good news.  From my conversations with one of these women, the NYC subway is virtually empty during many rush ours as of late, and it might make sense to do a museum run before things get worse.

 

I could have stayed in and do nothing, but...

 

A necklace.  Not one that would be worn by a pretty woman, unless she was King Kong's large size companion.  Given that it is holiday season and FH is still in the picture, I figured that she deserved a holiday gift.  So I bought her handmade necklace and earrings thru Amazon.  Unfortunately, I couldn't give her a gift without getting her daughter a gift as well.  So I had to get dressed and go shopping today.

- - - - - -

It's been a while since I have been outside my apartment as Marian.  So I took the opportunity to go out in female presentation for the last chance I'd have this week.  As I was leaving the apartment, I saw a box on my landing.  After checking who it was addressed to, I dropped it in front of my neighbor's door.  She opened up her door while I was in front of my mailbox, and her cat escaped.  So I ended up chatting with her for a sec before leaving.  

I could have driven to the Westchester Mall in White Plains.  But I'd rather not pay to park in their lot, even though it would cost me more to cross the bridge and shop in West Nyack.  And I think this was the right choice, as I was able to find a parking spot very close to the entrance and I was able to get FH's daughter her gift within 10 minutes of my arrival.  So I took the opportunity to walk around a relatively empty mall before driving home for the night.

Around 9 pm, I finally decided to make my crock pot lasagna.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, some might say), I was not going to be able to have it for dinner.  As a result, I ended up taking the lasagna out of the crock pot around 1:30 am, putting the lasagna into storage containers for future eating, and then into the refrigerator to be eaten over the next few days. (I had a little nibble, and it was something that will get better when reheated.)  Knowing me, I will likely have cooked too much.  But I'll know this for sure in a few days.