A pleasant surprise from distant friends.

 

The 2023 Chicago Girls' Trip.  This is where RQS and I got the chance to meet our Texas friends in person.  We all agreed that we didn't spend enough time together on this trip.

But first....

It's been a year since we were all together, and we've hinted to our friends that we should get together again soon.  For the most part, it's gone over like a lead balloon, but that's OK.  We'd still be friends, and chalk up their reluctance to factors beyond our control.

Tonight's conversation took a different path than usual.  Usually, RQS gets on quickly.  But tonight, I had to try calling her - with no response.  I was concerned that something might have happened to her.  She does live in NYC after all.  But no, all was OK.  She took a nap, and didn't wake up when her Alexa's alarm went off.  She has gotten in the habit of telling her device to let her sleep for 15 minutes or so, and does this while semi-conscious. So, around 8:30 pm, she came into the chat, and she told the story about her doorway being replaced.

After RQS joined us, I showed off some pictures from our Bermuda cruise, and then the chat shifted towards other trips.  (I won't go into detail here, as it is not my story to tell.)  And then I was asked: "Why don't I come to Texas, when I'd go to New Orleans."  I mentioned that New Orleans was a LGBT friendly island in a deep red state, while Texas doesn't protect my rights.  However, I noted that Texas didn't make me going to the loo a criminal act as it would be in Florida.  So I might end up spending a day or two in Dallas one of these years.  But first, people like Ted Cruz and Greg Abbott must be voted out of office.  Who knows, there may be a New Orleans trip in the cards for us in 2025.

And then we all had to go.  But we made plans to have another Zoom call between Election Day and Thanksgiving.  Hopefully, we'll have good news to celebrate that week....

Some random thoughts

 

Right now, I'm thinking about what will happen if Trump wins the election.  And it doesn't look good for anyone in the LGBTIQ community.  Recently, I  found a map of states which have passed "Bathroom Bills", and these tend to be the states which seem the most extreme in "traditional values".  One thing I've learned over the years is that when religion becomes too powerful (or too weak) a force in society, that society becomes more authoritarian in enforcing conformity.

Does this affect me?  You bet it does!  And it could get much worse if these religious radicals get even more power in a Trump administration.

Looking at the map, I found that my going to the loo in Florida was a criminal act.  Given that all trans people need to take bio-breaks now and then, it would be risky for me to get off a cruise ship in this state. This has placed an artificial restriction on how I visit this state - if I do visit it at all.  Just because I can still visit in stealth mode doesn't mean that I want to do this.  Instead, I'll avoid this state altogether, with the exception of when RQS and I visit her sister.

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Right now, my brother and I are looking to file paperwork to have dual citizenship with the US and one nation in Europe.  Both of us are doing this for completely different reasons.  Yet, both of us have the same goal - to have a place to escape to if the crud hits the fan in the United States.  Could this happen?  Sadly, the answer is yes.  When I see ominous parallels between this country and the Germany of 100 years ago, I get worried. Sometimes, it's just best to be able to get out of Dodge City before sundown.

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Not all is gloom and doom with me.  The other day, I had an fMRI done as part of a scientific study. Now that the study is underway, I received an Amazon gift certificate which is enough for me to replace a dying TV I have in the house.  The software I have to use on a daily basis is fun to use, albeit not excitingly so.  (I guess I am no longer into video games in the way I once was when younger.) 

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Dealing with bureaucracy can be a big pain.  Recently, as mentioned above, my brother got a bug up his behind that we needed to accelerate the progress in getting a second passport.  To do this, we need to get official copies of our birth certificates and that of our father.  I told my brother that I needed copies of our father's death certificate (I know how large bureaucracies work with official paperwork) before I went down to the city.  He forgot to send me this paperwork, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get our father's birth certificate for a few weeks.

My brother has way too much on his plate right nw, and he needs to feel that he's in control.  He told me of a problem that took 20 years to develop, and that he expects to clean it up in 2 years.  He may be able to clean up his firm's mess, but it will take longer for him (or someone else) to change the corporate culture that caused the problem.  He doesn't see that, as he focuses on the financial side of things and not the people side of things.

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RQS found a cruise to New England and Eastern Canada that we wanted to take in September.  Although I could afford to drop $1,200 on a whim, I knew that RQS spending this kind of coin now would get in her way of being able to afford next year's Alaska cruise.  After sending her some financial details, she realized that we would not be able to get the price of the cruise down to a level she could afford.  But damn!  The cruise was so near, and yet so far.

We certainly could use a cruise this winter.  I was thinking of taking a cheap MSC cruise and paying for RQS as a Christmas or Birthday present.  However, the cruises offered by MSC stop in Florida, and I certainly don't want to deal with Florida's bathroom laws while traveling as Marian.  I guess that we will need to find another trip to take early next year.

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When I bought my car, the salesman "helpfully" set up the radio presets in my car, as well as setting up my first service appointment.  One problem - I had to redo the presets to organize them the way I wanted and I had to schedule car maintenance earlier than he planned.  His "help" wasn't that helpful, as I now have a service appointment scheduled that I'll have to cancel soon.

While I'm thinking about my car, I shudder to think of how the auto companies will try to turn car features from purchase options to subscription options.  GM is trying to ditch Android Auto and Apple Car Ply, so that they can convert services provided by Google and Apple for FREE, and making the car owner pay for Maps, directions, etc when in the car.  I guess this may mean that I'll have to keep my car on the road longer than the 8 years I planned. 

Why do I want to replace my car within 8 years?  New York, like California is trying to force people to switch to EVs from ICE vehicles (EV- Electric, ICE - Internal Combustion Engine).  I want to buy what will likely be my last car while I can still get a gas powered vehicle.  I'll bet dollars to donuts that we will not have sufficient electric infrastructure in place to support the ICE->EV transition by 2035.  

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Enough for now.   I hope you enjoyed some of my thoughts.....

 

Where does a non-op trans person go to the loo?

 

Although this may be a short post, it poses a dilemma that can cause us problems if in the wrong place at the wrong time - Where can a non-op trans person go to the loo while traveling across the United States?

When I first started going out as Marian, I worried what people would think when I went to the women's room to relieve myself. In New York, I didn't feel that I had to worry much - even though I may not have looked as much as a woman than a man in a dress.  But I had serious concerns.  Over time, both my feminine presentation skills and my confidence in going out as Marian developed quite a bit.  Most of the time now, I think people see me as an oversized woman instead of a fat man in a dress.

I've traveled as Marian, having taken cruises to New England/Eastern Canada ports, to Eastern Caribbean ports (only getting off at St. Martin and St. Thomas), to ports along the California coast, and to Hawaii. In addition, I've traveled to Washington, DC and Chicago, Il as Marian.  But I know that I have to be careful where I travel, given laws that affect transgender people.  For example, GOP states have enacted laws that limit where transgender people can relieve themselves.  I was surprised to find that Texas (with its laws that prohibit gender changes on legal documents) hasn't yet (as far as this map shows) been enacted a bathroom bill.  (Maybe I can find a way to visit my friends in Texas after all....)

Soon, RQS and I may schedule a last minute cruise to New England/Eastern Canada on the same ship that will take us to Bermuda.  This will only happen if a co-op meeting has to be postponed.  I'm hoping that we can take this cruise, as it will be nice to cruise again as Marian. 

 

PS: I can say that I committed a criminal act in one of the states I've visited by going to the loo.  It's nice to be a criminal!

What I fear most as a transgender person

 

When I started this entry, I thought I could make it as long or as short as I wanted.  But life has a habit of throwing me curve balls, and I have a nasty habit of trying to hit them.  Luckily, I have hit enough of them to still be around to play again and again.

Lately, we've seen the governor of Florida attempting to censor both business and educational entities because they believe that all people have a right to be treated with dignity, and that we should not be watering down our history to avoid showing a past which is still uncomfortable for many to confront. This man, someone I consider as evil as our 45th president, has attacked his state's largest economic driver simply because the Disney corporation believes in treating the LGBT community with respect. Although I am not a fan of Disney or most of its products, I have to stand with the corporation as it fights this evil man.

Sadly, the governors of Florida and Texas reflect the feelings of a large part of the American population, and show how dangerous it can be for members of the LGBT community.  We've again seen a growth in "Bathroom Bills", laws which are specifically aimed at the transgender community.  We are often easy to pick on, as we usually stand out from the crowd by our appearance. M2F transgenders often have a masculine body build (facial features, hair/beard patterns, hands, feet, waist and hip development), speak in a deeper voice than cisgender females, and often wear wigs to deal with male pattern alopecia.  F2M transgenders tend to be smaller than typical cisgender males and have similar issues with body development as well.  Gender dimorphism is a problem for transgenders because it makes us easier to identify by intolerant people.

I've been careful NOT to travel in states where intolerant people are in charge.  But what happens if someone like Florida's governor becomes president?  I expect that America will become a much more intolerant nation, and that people like me will need to go into stealth mode.  People like Fran (who I've talked about in other blog entries) will be the first people to suffer.  But this will not be the end of things..  I will have it easy compared with people like Fran unless they take intolerance to its next step - using computers to sort through business records to find people ordering goods not conforming with one's assigned gender.  At that point, I will be leaving the USA, as to avoid the possible herding up of us "undesirables" into camps.  And if you think this won't be done, ask any Japanese-American (or his/her descendants) about the camps set up by our own government during WW2.

Yes, I have my fears.  And I don't think they are unreasonable.  We have a chance to stop this from happening. And I'm going to do what I can to help stop these people from gaining any more power than they already have.

Zooming with a Texas Friend

 

 

It's hard to believe that I've only met Stephanie once in person.  Yet, the two of us have developed a friendship thanks to Zoom and the Pandemic.

Today, Stephanie reminded me that we were supposed to have a zoom meeting this evening.  So, I set it up, and proceeded to get showered and dressed to spend the evening as Marian.  I ended up rushing to get to the post office before it closed, as I had a box to send to Pat at her care facility in Rockland county.  In the box was a photo shopped picture of my two gender presentations together, as if two separate people had posed for a formal picture on a cruise.

Once done with the post office, I decided to take a drive to Uncle Giuseppe's in Yorktown, to see how the store's new location looks.  And they did a great job with the space.  In the past, it housed a "Food Emporium" before A&P took over Shopwell and other smaller chains, causing the space to be empty for years.  Now, the store is much better than any of the supermarkets that previously occupied the space.

After killing time, I returned home and opened the zoom meeting with Stephanie.  As usual, we talked for a long time. Although she would like for me to come down and visit, I don't think I'll be visiting Texas anytime soon.  Texas is not a place where a TG like me can feel comfortable, given all the Radical Conservatives one finds down there.  The last thing I need is someone trying to cause me problems because I violated their "bathroom laws".

Sooner or later, I will have to get around to visiting Stephanie.  Only one problem - how can I make it worthwhile for RQS to accompany me on the trip?  Also, how would we describe our relationship with each other?