Beginning the week on a high note

I spent the weekend with GFJ, and had the pleasant opportunity to see "Raise Hell: The life and times of Molly Ivins" on Sunday night.  Usually, it's GFJ who falls asleep during the movie.  But I missed a bit of the movie because I couldn't stay fully awake.  (Having just eaten a heavy dinner didn't help.)  What I saw of the film, I liked. And I hope to catch it when it comes to cable sometime in the near future.

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The next day, I accompanied GFJ to her dermatologist, so that a cyst could be removed from her left shoulder.  I'm glad I did so, as she didn't feel good about driving on the way back to her place.  She told me that the doctor had to dig deep to get all of the cyst out, and that she expected the wound to hurt a bit as it healed.

When I drove home in the afternoon, I could have called my GP to schedule my yearly physical.  I missed his office when I got home, as it now shuts down at 3 pm - and I got home at 3:45 pm.  (Dollars to doughnuts, based on his shrinking office hours, that he is readying himself for his eventual retirement. That's another story for another post.)  But I did make it to the drug store for my second shingles shot.  And this was something I had to do while presenting as a male.

Getting home, I played the messages on my answering machine that I couldn't play while away.  Once I got the phone number of the lady I had to contact for an interview, we scheduled an interview for next week -  an interview that I'll go to as a female.  Assuming that I work again, I intend to do so while presenting as Marian.  Although my legal identity may still be in Mario's name, I want to continue my path towards living my life as Marian and not as Mario.

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Tuesday came, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything.  JS and I were supposed to get together, but she cancelled out.  Seems like she needed to earn an extra few dollars tutoring a child today.  In our quick online exchange of messages, I think it's fair to assume that nothing has changed in her life, save that the assumptions she made to take the job in Brooklyn were invalid - her costs are higher than expected, and the commute is sapping the energy out of her.  Too bad that she didn't take her financial planner's advice and move to Florida - she'd be better off down there. This left me with one thing on my docket - going to the dining meetup.  Did I really want to get showered, made up and dressed?  That was the big question I had to address, and I had to address it by 3:30 or so.

Around 4:00, I ended up taking my shower and getting ready for tonight's dinner.  GFJ called me as I was about to put on my makeup, and I chatter with her for about a half hour.  (There went the extra time I needed to arrive early at the restaurant.)  But it was worth the awkward timing, as she's been getting tired earlier in the evening than in the past, and I wanted to chat while both of us were able to chat coherently.

A little before 6:00, I ended up leaving for dinner, and I got stuck in slow moving traffic along Route 9.  It didn't help that the driver just ahead of me was impaired.  No, I'm not saying that the person was drinking or drugging.  Instead, I think that he didn't have a clear view of the roadway's edge due to the rain, and had trouble staying fully in the lane.  (If he had also been swerving over the center double line, I'd have thought the person was under the influence.)  Even I was having trouble driving, given the darkness and the drizzle.  A hard rain might have been better, as people may have driven more slowly and followed a path set by the leader of the pack of cars.

Just before 6:45, I arrived at the restaurant and found a seat.  This restaurant did not know how to handle late arrivals for a large group, nor did it staff our area properly.  I had to get up and ask the waitress for the Prix-Fixe menu, as she didn't bring me one on my arrival.  She shouldn't be given a hard time based on my writing- the waitress was doing the job of two people, and had to deal with the needs of 28 people. Unfortunately, the restaurant was too noisy for my taste, and I had a hard time chatting with people.  To keep myself busy, I started reading articles on my cell phone.  (Where would we be without these devices?)  But, I was glad to be drawn back into conversations by my table neighbors, as well as by WDJ.

Our meetup broke up a little after 9:00, and I drove home through the rain.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to reach GFJ again, so I was glad that I spoke with her before leaving for dinner.  Arriving home without incident, I stripped out of my clothes and got into something comfortable for the rest of the night.

Thinking about a conversation I had at a recent meetup

Sometimes, a wig is just a wig.  And sometimes, it is something more.  In the case of an Orthodox Jewish Married Woman, a Sheitel is an essential tool to "preserve modesty" in a subtle way.  According to an article in the Forward, "Jewish law calls for women to cover their hair after marriage, and many religious women see wigs as a more subtle covering than hats or headscarves."  To many women wearing Sheitels, spending between $1,000 to $5,000 is excessive.  And these ladies are going elsewhere to get their wigs.

A former friend kept pushing me to go to a store specializing in supplying sheitels for the Orthodox community.  I couldn't see spending $2,500 on a wig - even if it would last me 6 times as long as the wigs I now wear (assuming proper care).  As much as the wig would look better for a longer time, I don't feel comfortable putting an extra $2,000+ into buying a wig, and having something go wrong several months into its expected lifespan.  I'd rather buy a new wig every 3-6 months or so, and have that extra $2,000 in the bank earning interest for me.

WDJ says that I can get a human hair wig much cheaper than that by going the Chinese route.  I'm pretty sure that I could do that given the article I just read.  This would be a boon to me and other M2F transgenders, as most of us want to look as pretty as possible.  And a woman's hair will always be one of the first things a person notices about that woman.  If I could be sure I was getting a wig that fit properly and looked good on me, I'd consider the Chinese route for myself.

I don't think I'm giving away any secrets when I mention that WDJ enjoys wearing her wigs.  (Since she occasionally makes it known to people at the meetup, I don't think she'd mind me casually mentioning this fact.)  Both WDJ and I were chatting with a new woman at our dining meetup, and the subject of wigs came up.  Each of us had stories about our wigs, and WDJ talked about her experiences in Facebook wig forums, as well as some of the purchases she has made over the years.  Given her experiences with some vendors, I may consider going the Chinese route when I decide to go with a human hair wig - as long as I have a few extra dollars to gamble.  Since I am a conservative gambler, I expect that I will likely get a good deal on a wig once I've done all necessary research on going the Chinese route.

Doing the scales

Doe, a deer, a female deer....   Most of us know that song from "The Sound of Music".  But most of us never have to think of what has to be done to hit a note perfectly, all the time, at will, without thinking about it.  My feminine voice has been a work in progress for several years. And I am now on the cusp of breaking out of the habitual way that males sound like males, even when speaking in a pitch more associated with females.

As normal for this semester, my Thursday schedule called for me to visit the Speech and Hearing Center at Mercy College for my weekly speech therapy session.  Although the two student clinicians say that my voice has improved a lot and that I am consistently speaking in a feminine pitch, I am far from happy.  I do not have that melodic prosody that a typical female uses in everyday speech.

The latest "take home" exercise I have been given is to record myself doing the "scales" (by humming and singing the notes). I'm not exactly sure of what this will do for me, but I am game to try anything.  In the past, I have recorded myself reciting the full text of the poem "Jabberwocky".  And I still sounded like a male speaking the words.  Vowels were not extended enough, and the tone of my voice didn't vary as much as a normal female's would when speaking the same words.

My voice is still a work in progress. At least, it's not the dead giveaway for me being transgender as it used to be when I started down this path towards an authentic feminine self.

An Autumn Nor'easter is expected

When I started this entry, I was grateful that it isn't winter.  A storm like what was expected for this evening through Thursday afternoon would be a pain, but only consist of rain.  It would most likely get in the way of my daily events, but not cause me many problems after the storm ended.

Considering my lack of energy, I decided to bail out on volunteering for the day, and rested until it was time to get ready for dinner in Fishkill.  I expected that a few people would bail from the meetup because of the rain. But I didn't expect that I could be the only person there. So, I decided to brave the rain and drive to the Eleven-Eleven restaurant for a 6:30 dinner.  I arrived at the meetup a few minutes late, as it was hard to find a legal parking lot.  But there was nothing to be concerned about - no one's drink orders had been taken, and it would be a while before dinner orders were taken.

Sitting down at the far end of the table, I was able to chat with a new member of the meetup group.  But she wasn't my prime focus of conversation.  Instead, it was the two people to my right - a husband/wife couple who were interested in cruising.  And I had a couple of stories to tell.  However, it was hard to be heard over the noise.  This is not the place to go if you want a romantic meal.  Instead, this is a place to go when you want a pleasant night with someone, but aren't interested in heavy conversation.

As the gathering waned, WDJ came over to chat with me and this new member.  We were chatting for a while after most of our group left, and I chatted a bit more with this woman after WDJ left.  When the rain eased off a little, the two of us headed to our cars, and we headed to our separate homes.

Half and Half - It's not just a dairy product

Long before my most recent cruise, I scheduled both lunch as Marian and a Co-Op board meeting as Mario.  This was going to be a busy day, as I had to prepare myself to go out as Marian, then change into Mario - all before 5:00 pm.  However, things changed when I received a message from my lunch date that she couldn't make it today - she had a basement flood to take care of, and would be waiting for her plumber to come during the day.

So I was now free until 5:00 pm.  What should I do?

Yesterday, I started cleaning out some of the clutter in my bedroom.  Since my cleaning lady is expected to be here on Thursday, I figured that I'd stay in Mario Mode for the day.  (I'd have rather gone out for lunch as Marian, but one has to adapt to changing times.) So I cleaned up a little more of the mess I had in my bedroom during the afternoon.

Around 4:00, I started to get ready for my co-op board meeting.  This was an event that I always attend as Mario.  (I'll admit, that if we were to call a second meeting for the month for reasons I won't go into here, I'd have mentioned that I'd consider attending as Marian.  That would have shut down the calls for a second meeting.)  Luckily, there was only good news to report - all was well with our financial status, and we're in much better shape than I thought we'd be in about a year ago. (I can't go into any more detail than that.)  Just before the meeting ended, HWV said for me to call her after she got home.  HWV wanted to see what my availability was for Hudson Valley Restaurant Week, and suggested that we go for dinner.

Later on, I finally got the chance to talk with GFJ.  She's home after a long weekend in North Carolina, and she's getting back to the daily grind again....

Sometimes, it's the little things that count

Sometimes, it's the little things that count.  As I reported in my prior blog, I had more unsatisfactory deliveries of my Freshly box than I had satisfactory deliveries.  All of the problems related to my Freshly deliveries were related to LaserShip and its Gig Economy business model - it is an Uber for last mile package delivery.  LaserShip is well known for poor quality delivery service, and the vast majority of its Yelp reviews only assign the company a single star - the lowest possible ranking.

So why do I start my first real post in this blog on something other than life as a Transgender person?  Well, not everything in a Transgender person's life focuses around gender identity, gender presentation, or gender manifestation.  Most of the time, our lives focus on the more mundane things such as commuting to work, buying groceries, getting together with family and friends, etc.  Once we start living our lives as our authentic selves, we continue to deal with our normal trials and tribulations in addition to the new headaches of people reaction to our authentic selves. Freshly delivery is one of those normal trials and tribulations - something I'd be dealing with whether or not I was transgender.

I had skipped a month's worth of Freshly deliveries, as I had a freezer full of both Freshly and Top Chef meals.  These meals needed to be eaten before any new meal deliveries were made.  Today was the first day in a month that a new Freshly delivery was expected at my door.  So I decided to check the Freshly site to track the delivery, and I found something that pleased me very much:

It looks like Freshly has finally decided to use another "Last Mile" delivery service to get their product to my apartment.  LaserShip would misdeliver my meals by roughly 12 noon.  CDL had not yet misdelivered my meals by noon, and I take this as a positive sign that CDL would rather its delivery men and women to get the job done right than to get the job done quickly.  However, only a track record of satisfactory deliveries will prove whether this is a positive development or not.  And today's delivery was a success - the Freshly box was found in front of my door at 3:00 pm, exactly where I wanted to find it.

I'm thinking about a Panama Canal Cruise, but can I afford it?

I have been salivating, considering breaking open my 401k a little to take this cruise.  If my balance breaks a certain level and stays there for a while, I may just withdraw enough cash to pay for this cruise (and the taxes on the withdrawal itself) to take this once in a lifetime cruise.

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So far, the people in my life are encouraging me to take this cruise.  I'd be away from home over 3 weeks, as I'd want to do some sightseeing in Seattle before going home.  Doing incomplete research (JetBlue prices for the return trip aren't posted yet), I figure that I should budget at least $4,000 for the trip, broken down as follows:

• Base Fare          - $2298 (includes $1149 single supplement)
• Port Fees/Taxes -     543
• Gratuities           -     315
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  Simple Cruise    - $3360
   
• Trip to NYC Pier -     60
•  from Seattle Pier -     40
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  Simple land cost  -    100
• Airfare (SEA-JFK) - 250
• Trip JFK to Home   -  60
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  Minimum Cost    - $3870

Of course, this cruise will cost more than that.  Add on a few shore excursions, a day or two in Seattle, souvenirs, and miscellaneous onboard expenses (such as drinks and laundry), and one will likely hit the $4500 price point for the trip.

If I don't take this trip next year, there may be another cruise I could go on.  A similar cruise to this one would have left NYC in January 2020, and deposited me in San Francisco.  This cruise was discounted last year, and it would cost me only $100 less than the cruise taking me to Seattle.

Ideally, the person who told me about this cruise would be on it.  However, she will be with her parents, as her mom is scheduled to have an eye operation then. (In Canada, they ration healthcare by forcing people to wait for non-essential healthcare procedures.  We ration healthcare by use of an irrational pricing and insurance structure.)  So she will not be able to take this cruise with her parents until 2021. 

Another consideration for this cruise is that it would be criminal of me to take this cruise, disembark in Seattle, and NOT see my nephew.  This means that I'd need to take one male outfit with me, so that I could see him shortly after I arrive.  (But where would I change clothes and remove my makeup and wig?)  Luckily, I'd be seeing him in less than 2 weeks, as my niece will be married in NYC towards the end of May.

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If I do take this cruise, I will need to hold my mail for almost a month and pay virtually all my bills in advance.  Can I afford this kind of hit to my pocketbook?  I'm not sure.  One expense that would go way down is food - I'd be able to skip buying anything to eat for almost a month.  There would be no Mickey D's, no diners, and no special dinners with friends. If I average $30/day on these expenses, I'd save about $210.  <mumbling "Big fat hairy deal."> So, my costs still remain in the $4000 - $4500 range.

Do I really want to take this trip?   Or, do I find a way to do a Hawaii cruise instead?




Note: As of 11/20/19, the price for the cruise has dropped $100/pp - a $200 savings for me.