Three Losses - one good and the other two sad.

 

Considering that my weekdays blur into weekends, and weekends blur into weekdays as of late, I often report on things that happen during the week on weekends and vice versa.  This weekend was one of those weekends where I celebrated one loss, and felt very sad about the other two.

- - - - - -

Most of my readers understand why I would buy a round of drinks for my TG friends if our most recent ex-president were to get convicted of a crime and get sentenced to prison.  Last week's award of $83,000,000 to E.Jean Carroll in her defamation suit against Trump made me almost want to buy that round of drinks.  The man is evil, and he won't stop until he is dead or in prison for life.  And in either case, he still poses a threat to this republic, due to the unhinged nature of his cult.   Hopefully, we will see a criminal conviction before the general election, if not before the GOP convention.  This way, we might see the GOP put up a candidate who is less likely to establish an authoritarian government.  Fingers crossed on that....

Next, was the loss of Melanie Safka.  Most of us know her by her first name, the singer Melanie.  When I was younger, I loved her music, especially the songs "Brand New Key" and "What have they done to my song?"  No reason was given for her death.  I only hope that it was painless and quick.  

Finally, the leader of one of the meetup groups I attended passed away.  From what I knew of her, she was a kind and generous person.  Sadly, she was found dead in her home this weekend, and I'll be sure to attend her wake this week.  Since she volunteered at one of the places I volunteered for, I know I might meet with some of the people I met at this organization.  She'll be missed both as a meetup organizer and (more importantly) all the people whose lives are better because she was involved in their lives.

I'm glad I don't work in the city anymore.

 

Lately, the temperature has broken the 90° mark, and people are sweltering outside. If I had still been commuting to the city, I'd feel as if I needed to take a shower to feel fresh when I got to work.  Even though I went to the City this past Monday, it is not something I'd want to do every day anymore.

There was a time where I would have been glad to put up with the headaches of commuting.  Not anymore.  If I can't get to work with a short drive, I don't want to consider the job.  I no longer need the money, and work is only something to keep myself busy.  Although I will do some volunteer work now and then, I would prefer to get a job that pays me - people care more for a person's work when they have to pay for it.  People don't care much for things that have not been assigned a specific value, and "Free" is something that is rarely valued.

And this leads me to think about the current day....

RQS and I have each been thinking about buying new mattresses.  My mattress has a sagging middle, while RQS's mattress has edges that no longer provide adequate support.  Too bad we couldn't combine our bad mattresses to make one good one.  Due to the weather, we won't be doing any mattress shopping until autumn, as both of us want to look at the Saatva mattress in their NYC showroom.  This will be an excuse for the two of us to take the subway into Manhattan, and explore the city a little bit.

In cooler weather, I'd feel no problem in going to RQS's place.  But when Summer comes, traffic gets fouled up even more the closer I get to RQS's apartment.  It seems that the combination of commuter traffic, stadium traffic, and airport bound traffic brings all the roads I want to use to a stand still when the weather gets warm.  RQS and I have an agreement - she takes the train up to see me during the summer, and I will drive down to her place during the cooler weather.  So far, this has worked out well for us.  It's too bad that we don't live closer to each other.  But this can be changed at some future date.

If I were still working in the city, I'd leave my car in Croton for weekends and stay at RQS's during the week.  Although my commute would likely have taken the same amount of time as taking the train from Croton, I'd have had the benefit of being with RQS all the time.  Since I am no longer working, I have to think about the day that I will no longer be able to drive.  At that time, I want to live in a place where both RQS and I will be able to get around without the need for a car.  If only such places were easy to find....

Gallery Sitting

Today was a day that I spent Gallery sitting for Arts Westchester. I was told in advance to bring a book, as not that many people would be visiting the gallery on a weekday.  So I was prepared for a boring day, which it was for the first hour or so.  And then, an occasional person or two visited the center, giving me a chance to talk with people and keep myself busy.

But first....

I had set my alarms to get me up early, and they worked their magic as desired.  However, not having enough sleep the night before, it took me a while to get moving.  After doing my daily routine, I was able to get out the door by 11 am - just enough time for me to make it to the gallery by noon.  

Just as the clock struck 12 (to use an old expression), the heavy metal outside doors to the gallery started opening.  But the lady in charge had a hard time opening the doors, as they were rubbing against the bottom of the door frame.  (Both WD-40 on the hinges and wax on the door frame might help, and I suggested this to the person in charge of the gallery.)  The lady (who I will leave unnamed) showed me around, and I started my shift at the gallery.

During the day, several people came in to visit the gallery, and one of them bought a coupe of scarfs. Another said that she wants to bring her small meetup group there soon. But this was not all.  A woman from one of my meetup groups came by to do her volunteer shift a couple of floors above me, and we chatted for a few minutes.  It seemed like "old home week" at times, as I also met another person who was part of the Arts Westchester volunteer program.

Finally, it was time to close things out for the day.  Women had responded to me as if I were a cisgender woman, and that's the way I liked it.  The more I get practice interacting with cisgender woman as a woman, the less I'll worry about my remaining masculine traits being a problem for me.
 

Someone mentioned an opportunity to me.

 

The other day, I got an email from someone at a place I once volunteered.  She asked me about some work that needed to be done at this place, mentioning that this may be a part-time position in the making.  I was pleasantly surprised about this, as I've needed an excuse to get moving each day and to get out of the house.  Assuming I'm the person who fills this slot, I will go to work as Marian - even though key people will know that I am trans.  It'll be nice to have regular interactions with people again.  If I'm lucky, I'll get the part-time position and put some extra cash in my wallet.

Looking back over the past few years, I've noticed that I have fewer reasons to get up in the morning. than I had 10 years ago.  Yes, I was at the end of a 30 year career with the bank I once worked for.  But I had already checked out due to the lack of opportunities left for me in the New York office.  When I was laid off, it was a blessing to me, as it freed me to explore being out as Marian much more often than I could have been in the past.

Getting through the pandemic with my sanity (or, at least, most of it) intact was a lucky thing.  Having lost both my best friend and a girlfriend, and then my father took a toll on me.  I was lucky to have a short term job at the Census Bureau, and then the document imaging firm the year afterwards.  Yet, towards the end, I was having problems getting up when I had no social commitments for the day. Do I miss that friend and the ex-girlfriend?  A little.  But I miss my father most of all. In many ways, the years of the pandemic sapped much out of me that has yet to return.

I have no problems getting up when RQS is around.  Having someone in my life energizes me, and gives me a reason to get up and moving.  Is this normal for an older person?  Many males tend to die within 3 years of retirement.  So, could my TG identity be a factor in keeping me alive?  Or, is it a good romance?  Who knows?  But I know that the idea of having both a solid romance and a part time job may be factors in keeping me alive for another 2 or 3 decades.

Seeing people from before the pandemic

 

As most of my regular readers know, I was a volunteer at The Loft for several years while I was in between jobs.  Today was the first chance I've had to visit since the beginning of the pandemic - and much has changed....

When I last was at The Loft, I was doing miscellaneous office work on a weekly basis.  Although much of the volunteer work is still needed, the overall vibe of the building has changed.  First, The Loft and the Church above it no longer operate a thrift store.  That died in the early days of the pandemic, never to return again.  Then, the organization which takes up the other half of the lower floor has expanded its footprint.  The Loft no longer feels at home in this building, as the church above has rented out another part of the building to a "fundamentalist" church.  After 3 years of this, The Loft is about to announce a development that I should not put into electronic ink until it is announced formally.  However, I can say that it is good news for people who have a hard time reaching the building....

It was nice to see a couple of the people I once worked with.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see them more often when I eventually leave my job....

Today was to be my last day doing a volunteer stint

Over the past year or two, I've been an irregular volunteer for both of the places for which I help out.  My weekend schedule had gotten in the way of me attending many Arts Westchester events. And my declining interest got in the way of helping out at the LGBT Center.  I needed something to motivate me to get up and out on a daily basis, and that involved both a sense of purpose and a desire to earn money. 

Since it looks like I'll soon be working at the Census bureau, I doubt that I will have any free time to do any volunteering for a while.  And this is just as well - I needed a break from my old routine, as I was getting more and more inclined to stay indoors all day.  This is not a healthy thing to do, as evidenced by my dad's former home life before moving into the nursing home.

- - - - - -

By the time I got moving, it was late in the afternoon, and I didn't have the time to do a volunteer stint AND make it to the Fun Time Friends meetup in Wilton, CT.  So I sent an email to the LGBT Center's volunteer coordinator to tell him that I'd either be in tomorrow or on Monday.

When I finally made it out of the house, it was a bit late for me to make it on time.  There was no way that I was going to take Route 95 from here, as rush hour traffic would slow things to a crawl.  Instead, I took the roads to the venue and made it to dinner only a few minutes late. 

Arriving at the venue, I sat down next to the organizer and we had a great time.  There was one woman there who could have been my sister, and she recognized me as well.  This is a very friendly bunch of people - possibly more so than the folks in Beacon.  (Just don't tell the Beacon folks that....)  While chatting with the organizer, I found that she had an interest in visiting Chinatown in the Spring.  So I suggested we do so when it's convenient for her - and we may do that when the weather gets warmer.  I could use as many friends as possible who know me as Marian, and not as Mario.  It would be nice to add a "sane" friend to my address book.

- - - - - -

Earlier in the day, GFJ called me on her way home from Baltimore.  While on the call, she had to hang up, telling me to call back when I was on the road to the meetup.  I did just that, and didn't get an answer.  Could the problem have been to a nationwide problem with Verizon Wireless?  Who knows?  When I tried to reach her on the way home from my meetup, there was also no answer for me.  Since Facebook Messenger shows her as inactive, all I can think is that she has a problem with her phone connecting to the outside world.  Hopefully, she made it to her meetup OK....

My plans had me going into "The City" this evening, but....

This place used to have an outpost in Beacon, NY.  It served relatively good Dim Sum.  But they couldn't make a go of their suburban location.  Luckily the original establishment survived, and that it takes credit cards.  Otherwise I wouldn't be able to meet there with one of my Facebook friends.

- - - - - -

The other day, I confirmed getting together with one of my Facebook friends for a Dim Sum dinner.  However, she needed a place which would take credit cards.  Since I'm "old school" and use cash for many of my transactions, we couldn't go to the Nom Wah Tea Parlor as planned.  So I had to hunt around online for Chinatown restaurants that I am moderately familiar with AND which take credit cards.  Even though I've never been to Dim Sum Go Go in Chinatown, I was at their former Beacon location.  So I figured that they would serve an acceptable meal at a reasonable price.

Around 3 pm, I moseyed to the LGBT Center and did my weekly volunteer stint.  Today's assignment was to tag contact list entries as having attended the 2019 Transgender Forum. And if it weren't for a long winded conversation I had, I would have completed this task by 6 pm.  Instead, 1/3 of my list was left to be completed.

From the LGBT Center, I drove to Pelham and missed another late train.  I wasn't worried, as the next train was expected around 6:30.  However, the train was not on time, as it was 15 minutes late. (BRRRR!!!!   It was awfully cold on the platform while waiting for the train.)   This was not the only problem.  Once on the train, we were further delayed by a situation which required police activity.  I felt lucky that my friend asked me to change our meeting time from 8:00 to 8:30.

Once I got to Grand Central, I took the express downtown and walked to the restaurant from the Brooklyn Bridge station.  Then I decided to wait inside the restaurant because I was 30 minutes early. And wait I did.  Little did I know my friend was trying to reach me on the phone I didn't carry with me, and wasn't going to leave her house until she reached me.  So I ended up giving up hope for a dinner for two, and enjoyed a Dim Sum dinner for one.  Because I figured that it was a typical signals crossed situation, I wasn't angry.  I wasn't even frustrated.  Instead, I realized that I screwed up a little, and it was a "no harm, no foul" situation.  So when I was done with dinner, I walked back to the subway and headed home.

I entered my apartment around 11:30 pm, and found a series of messages on my Facebook page.  My friend was trying to reach me, but this avenue was the one avenue I don't have available to me on my cell phone.  So I texted her, and we chatted online for about 30 minutes.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow, I'll be going into NYC with GFJ to see the American Gangster Museum.  After that, we'll go to eat.  I'm not in the mood for a serious conversation, as I expect to hear bad news.  And I don't want to deal with that bad news until after the Holiday season.  But if I have to deal with it, I will....


 

A little volunteering and a little clothes shopping.

The above picture was taken when I first started trying to dress androgynously.  I was not yet ready to wear a dress or skirt in public, nor was I prepared to present myself as a female.  I've sure come a long way since then!

- - - - - -

Last night was not a good night for sleep.  I woke up at 8 am with only 4 hours of sleep, and went back to sleep shortly after 10, waking up at 1 pm.  Of course, this meant that I was not going to get out and about early in the day as I had hoped.  Instead, I got to the LGBT Center for a 90 minute volunteer stint at 3:30-4:00, and left around 5:30.  This was truly non-eventful, as I wasn't that busy when doing my tasks.

Afterwards, I drove over to Catherine's in Paramus to browse the store.  I could use a new pair of leggings or two, but I didn't find ones I liked in my size.  So I ended up not buying anything today.  (I have my eyes on a scarf and a chenille sweater that go very well together.  The sweater is so soft and cozy, that I'll buy it as soon as it goes on sale.)  Since this will likely be my last visit before "Black Friday", I took note of the price points on garments I wanted to buy and will likely buy them as soon as they reach the point I feel they are worth my money.

- - - - - -

After I got back home, I chatted with GFJ for the better part of an hour.  She had just returned from Florida, enjoying a few days at a housing development ("The Villages") that they hope to market to potential snowbirds like GFJ.  However, GFJ will likely never move to a development like The Villages, as there is not enough there to make her comfortable living there.  As for me, if I ever get to the stage where I want to live down south part of the year, I'd consider living in a development like that - as long as I'm not stuck with excessive costs in doing so.

And the week started to get busy....

Last night, I saw GFJ for dinner to talk about the problems in our relationship.  Some of you can guess what they are.  But for now, I won't discuss them here.  I want to give her enough room to process her feelings - and discussing them here may not help things.

- - - - - -

Waking up this morning, I felt rested, but lethargic.  Checking my blood sugar levels, I knew why - they were a little bit lower than usual for this time of morning, and I knew that it was time to have something that would pass for breakfast.

Once I took care of this, I figured that I'd check my email.  I received a notice from a TV show filming in NYC that I had a confirmed ticket for tomorrow.  This was no good anymore, as I had dinner scheduled with Vicki #1. So I sent a response cancelling my ticket, and continued checking my emails.  It's amazing how much low-priority email is getting tossed into the spam folder.  Since I see them on my cell phone before they are folder-filed, I know that they have little value.  So I decided not to change my filters for now.

And then, I looked at my schedule....

The rest of my week looked like this:

Tuesday:
1. Volunteering at Arts Westchester
2. Dinner with the Beacon Meetup Group

Wednesday:
1. Volunteering at the LGBT Center
2. Dinner with Vicki #1 (Hudson Valley Restaurant Week)

Thursday:
1. Speech Therapy
2. Dinner with HWV (Hudson Valley Restaurant Week)

Friday:
1. (Possible) Volunteering at Arts Westchester
2. (Possible) Visiting MoMA with my niece.

Saturday:
1. (Possible) Visiting JS and seeing her Psychic.

Of course, many things end up filling in the gaps.  Chores such as laundry, shopping, etc. take up a lot of time when one has the time to burn.  And I burn it well....

- - - - - -

Around 1 pm, I drove to Arts Westchester to do a volunteer stint.  Today's task was to slice and dice information collected on a spreadsheet, and separate each organization's visitors into separate row entries, so that further analysis of that information could take place.  Unfortunately, the instructions given to me was a little flawed, as well as my understanding of those instructions. So I ended up wasting a little time (as well as having to do some rework) because of mutual misunderstandings.  But I got enough done correctly, so that I'll be coming back next week.

After this, I drove to the dining meetup in Fishkill, with a stop at BJ's Wholesale Club.  I figured that I'd pick up some plastic cups and paper plates I often use, killing time before the meetup. Once done at BJ's, I drove to dinner and found a parking spot near the restaurant without any problem.  (Sometimes, it pays to be a little bit early.)  Then I sat down across from a new member, next to one of our regulars, and across from WDJ.  Although it was noisy, I had several good conversations. And all too soon, dinner was over. 

Driving home, I tried to reach GFJ - but her line was busy.  She was chatting with her son about Thanksgiving issues, and called me back as soon as she was off the phone.  It seems like the big family Thanksgiving dinner may be called off due to family complications I can't go into detail here.  Instead, she may end up spending the holiday with both her sons at her youngest son's place.  Although she was originally planning on renting a car and driving 600 miles each way, I suggested that she look into Amtrak.  She could leave her car at my place, hop on the Lake Shore Limited, and reach her son's place about 16 hours later. (That should be enough information to guess where he lives.)  We ran the numbers for the trip, and doing this will cost less than the car rental.  Hopefully, that fare will still be available if she needs to use it.

- - - - - -

Once I got home, I turned on the political news.  And I found that the Democrats won big in the State of Virginia.  Of course, my curiosity was piqued.  Did my favorite Virginia politician win?  YES!!!!!

Danica Roem
Member of the Virginia House of Delegates from the 13th district

On November 5, 2019, Roem defeated Republican challenger Kelly McGinn, becoming the first openly transgender state legislator to be re-elected.

On the whole, this was a very good day - even though I found out that a job application I sent in was rejected.  (I didn't really want to work in a call center.  But it was a full time position in a firm which makes sure that transgender individuals are protected. So, why not email a resume?  It couldn't hurt!)

A visit to the doctor and more

Today, I had only two planned things on my plate - a visit to the doctor, and a volunteer stint at the LGBT Center.  I had already postponed my stint at Arts Westchester to Tuesday, so that I could have enough energy for the LGBT Center, and thought that this would be the end of my day.  Instead, I ended up seeing GFJ for dinner and had a mixed ending to a good day.

- - - - - -

Yesterday, I called my cleaning lady and arranged for her to visit my apartment today.  After 6 weeks, things were getting in need of her magic - and she said she'd be visiting this afternoon.  So I was very lucky to have a 9:30 appointment with my doctor, giving me enough time to change from my masculine presentation to my feminine presentation for the rest of the day.

The doctor's visit was booked to be my yearly physical.  Instead, it ended up being a "follow up" visit from July, as my last yearly physical was in December, not November as I had remembered.  Of course, this made the visit a quick one, and I was back in the house before 11:00 - enough time for me to change into my female presentation before going out to volunteer.

Shortly before noon, I left my apartment and took the slow road to the LGBT Center.  On the way down, I returned WDJ's call from yesterday, and we chatted for about a half hour about things I won't mention here.  And then I arrived at the LGBT Center for my weekly stint.

Today's task was simple - verify all entries on the published event calendar on Meetup against that in the center's flyer.  Catching an error or two, I fixed them without doing too much thinking.  But then, two other people came in - and they disturbed my short train of thought.  One person was an older woman who needed to talk with someone - and I was that person.  Then the other person came in, a young man, and got involved in the conversation that I was really not in the mood to have at the moment.  By the time I was finished with the event calendar, two hours had passed - and it was time to leave.

On the way home, I received a call from GFJ.  She wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner tonight.  So it was off to my apartment, then to change, and then to drive to Newburgh.  Of course, I had to change back to a male presentation for dinner before going out again.  I made it to the Flaming Wok Buffet at 7:00.  As usual, GFJ was a little late.  And for the next hour, we chatted about unimportant stuff. (One of those topics was the shutdown of my old blog and my relationship with my former travel partner.) Then, it was time to discuss "the elephant in the room" - our relationship.  Neither of us are sure where it's headed, but I figure it best to give her the time she needs to be sure of what she wants.  (I have ideas, but won't taint her decision process by mentioning them before her decision is made.)  She's a good person to have in my life.  But I have the kind of love that knows that I may have to let her go to have the happiness I want for her to have.  Hopefully, that won't need to happen.

Then, it was time to go home.  I was more alert on the way home than I was on the way to Newburgh.  That was good fortune.  I'm not sure I'd have made it home had I been as tired as I was in the afternoon.  I have mixed feelings after tonight's dinner, and so does GFJ.  But I won't let them get in the way of doing what has to be done in my life.

A Job Interview as Marian

I think I look better now than when I first wore this dress, or its sister in teal.  And I wore it to a 11 am interview at a not-for-profit art gallery.  This is a dress that makes me feel good, even though I might not buy it today because of its hemline.

- - - - - -

Unfortunately, I couldn't get to sleep until the middle of the night.  When I awakened this morning, I knew that I would likely fall out before dinner time.  So I took a little time to get ready, making sure that everything was in the right place and put together well.  And it was off to Larchmont for the interview.

Arriving in Larchmont, I had to park my car in a 2 hour lot located on a side street off the main business corridor.  This allowed me to walk by the house of a former boss.  Looking at his driveway, I figured that all was probably well with him as he had a new looking car in his driveway. If you're thinking that this could be anyone's car, I'd beg to differ.  My ex boss (who retired about 20 years ago or so) had a habit of buying new Cadillac Coupe De Villes every few years, whether or not he needed to do so.  In fact, I'd bet that he had less than 20k miles on each 10 year old car that he may have traded in since his retirement.  (His former commute was about 5-10 miles per day, and all of his trade ins were very low mileage cars.) Hopefully, he's enjoying his retirement and is still very healthy.

When I arrived at the gallery, I was greeted by 4 people.  (Unfortunately, I can't remember their names, or I'd have sent them all thank you emails.)  I would be one of two paid employees of the gallery, responsible for keeping the center open Tuesday-Friday (my shift) and Saturday (the other shift).  This means that I would not have the freedom to schedule my vacations any longer, as they only close down in August.  That is not the time I like taking vacations, and it would crimp my style.  With this being said, I feel I was a strong candidate in office skills, but not in retail skills.  They need someone who can run a store by herself, and I doubt I am that candidate.

As I was getting up to leave, I had an experience that only women can appreciate - my hosiery failed, and a hole formed on my inner thigh.  There went my original plan to go straight from the interview to the LGBT Center to do my weekly volunteer stint.  Instead, I went straight home and got comfortable for a while.

Later on, I got a call from an old friend.  Joanie had free tickets to a play, and thought of me. So I cancelled my attendance at tonight's dinner meetup and drove back to lower county to catch a train into NYC.  I met Joanie in Times Square, then enjoyed the play - even though we were seated on opposite sides of the theater.  After the play, we went to Shake Shack to grab a burger, and gabbed until midnight. 

Noticing the time, I said that I had to make a train. Knowing that the last trains leave Grand Central around 1:30, I still had a couple of trains I could still take home.  But I wanted to get out of town by 12:30, so that I could get home by 2:00.  While on the train, I had a quick message chat with GFJ.  (She had to get up early in the morning, otherwise we may have chatted more.)  And then, I was in Pelham.  Arriving at my car around 1:15, I got a message from Joanie.  She wanted to let me know that if I got stuck in the city, I could always stay in a spare room at her place.  That's always nice to know.  By 1:45, I was home in spite of the rain.  So I figured that I'd write this entry before collapsing for the evening - and did.

An Autumn Nor'easter is expected

When I started this entry, I was grateful that it isn't winter.  A storm like what was expected for this evening through Thursday afternoon would be a pain, but only consist of rain.  It would most likely get in the way of my daily events, but not cause me many problems after the storm ended.

Considering my lack of energy, I decided to bail out on volunteering for the day, and rested until it was time to get ready for dinner in Fishkill.  I expected that a few people would bail from the meetup because of the rain. But I didn't expect that I could be the only person there. So, I decided to brave the rain and drive to the Eleven-Eleven restaurant for a 6:30 dinner.  I arrived at the meetup a few minutes late, as it was hard to find a legal parking lot.  But there was nothing to be concerned about - no one's drink orders had been taken, and it would be a while before dinner orders were taken.

Sitting down at the far end of the table, I was able to chat with a new member of the meetup group.  But she wasn't my prime focus of conversation.  Instead, it was the two people to my right - a husband/wife couple who were interested in cruising.  And I had a couple of stories to tell.  However, it was hard to be heard over the noise.  This is not the place to go if you want a romantic meal.  Instead, this is a place to go when you want a pleasant night with someone, but aren't interested in heavy conversation.

As the gathering waned, WDJ came over to chat with me and this new member.  We were chatting for a while after most of our group left, and I chatted a bit more with this woman after WDJ left.  When the rain eased off a little, the two of us headed to our cars, and we headed to our separate homes.