Did someone try to play games with me? You Bet!

Please note: This entry was started over two weeks before you are seeing this....  Things have changed since it was started, and I have edited out some of the stuff which no longer needs to be said.

As I've mentioned here, XGFJ and I have had a strange relationship.  We no longer see or talk to each other by phone. But we have communicated online.  Unfortunately, much of the communication came from XGFJ's revulsion at the idea of seeing me in female mode.

Towards the end of June, the organizer of the Mid Hudson Valley dining group meetup decided to step down without a replacement organizer.  I commented on XGFJ's announcement that she would like to attend my group's dinner, saying that it is a nice group and that we don't bite.  Totally innocuous, if I say so myself.  And then,  I wished XGFJ to have a nice lunch with the HV Live Music meetup group, and XGFJ got livid!  She blamed me for the demise of the MHV Dining group, claiming that I was pestering its organizer.  (If a polite request given 3 months ago could be the straw that broke the camel's back, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.)  She also claimed that that she had made a mistake, thinking that she had signed up for dinner with the Live Music group when she signed up for dinner with my group, claiming that she was pulling out of having dinner with the group.  (I don't buy this one bit, as our mutual friend "suddenly" had a new work schedule which kept her busy on Tuesday and Wednesday nights during July, and bailed out of dinner.)

The next day, I found out the truth of why the MHV dining group was shutting down - the organizer kicked out 17 people who complained about the group being closed to newcomers during the pandemic AND that others had expressed their opinions on this as well.  The (former) organizer is a little bit of a control freak, and didn't like having her authority challenged, from what I found out from my sources.  I now had proof that XGFJ was lying me - nothing anymore she could say to me would have any value.  When I mentioned to this source that there was someone in the MHV group who detested my presence (not mentioning that I am transgender), she said that this person should fuck him/herself, and that I should go to any gathering I want. 

Considering that I had never been allowed to enter the MHV dining group, I had a chat with the former organizer.  This is where I found out that XGFJ had blackballed me, so that she could avoid seeing me.  To me, this wasn't a big deal.  But outing me to several people was.  XGFJ betrayed me - I was outed to at least two (or more) people.  So after a late night exchange of messages, I told her that "she lost."  A day later, I decided to explain tings and sent the last communication I expect to have with XGFJ. I apologized for my part in destroying what was left of our friendship, and noted that if she had been willing to negotiate access to the meetup groups, neither of us would be angry with each other and that we'd be exactly where we are now, feeling good about each other. 

In regard to our mutual friend, I found it interesting that when I made an offer to take her on one of my rail trail walks, that she had a scheduling issue.  The reality of what happened is in her later communication with me - she wanted to make sure I say nothing about XGFJ if we meet.  Obviously, she values XGFJ's friendship more than getting together with me.  Even though I promised that I wouldn't talk about XGFJ if we meet, I doubt that we will have our birthday drink, as she knows her July schedule, but won't give me any open dates.  Since I haven't seen her in 5 years, it's no great loss.  It just would have been nice to get together for that drink.

As Vicki and I see it, XGFJ may have accepted occasional cross-dressing from me, as long as she could see it as "a guy in a dress".  Once my female persona became real to her, she had to leave - she couldn't accept being with a person who was bi-gendered.  Vicki and I agree on this, as XGFJ has shown an extreme aversion to seeing me in female form at any time. This is funny, as XGFJ once said that I should be proud of what I accomplished.  Since more people accept me than not in either presentation, and that XGFJ is out of my life, I should focus on making my feminine presentation as real as possible.

The other day, XGFJ responded to an email I wrote to her.  (See my last entry.)  I found it interesting that many of her comments were related to problems she had with me in our former relationship.  Why didn't she make things clear?  Vicki believes that just hinting at problems is not enough for me to see the seriousness of those issues.  Since Vicki and I have been friends for over 20 years, I tend to believe her over someone like XGFJ.  In many ways, I dodged a bullet.  I could be in a relationship with someone with whom I'd have to ration my time in female presentation.  But I could not be in a relationship with someone who can not make her needs understood or known to me.  For example, XGFJ complained in her email about me not helping her in the kitchen at her place.  What she never understood is that if I never entered another kitchen again, it'd be too soon.  I don't enjoy the process of cooking.  I barely can deal with the process of heating up food.  But I would enter a kitchen and help if asked.  Those requests rarely, if ever, came.  At least, I know some of the things to watch out for in a possible future relationship I may have.

I hope that one day, XGFJ and I will come in contact at some future meeting.  Will she immediately leave the meeting because I'm there?  Who knows?  But I am not going to be somewhere just because she's there.  She hasn't been a friend in many months, nor does she show any interest in being a friend.  If I am wrong, she'll have to be more open about it, as I have never been good at reading minds. 

Life gets even crazier

Most people who know me are aware that I am an avid Marxist.  No, not in the economic sense, but in the comedic sense.  Of the brothers, I would have love to have known both Groucho and Harpo - but for very different reasons.  Groucho was an underappreciated wit, and a man who, sad as it is, didn't seem to have a happy home life.  Harpo was the exact opposite.  He was a man who was cherished by all - including his wife and children.  No one in show business ever had a bad word to say about him.  If I had to choose between these two brothers, I'd have picked Harpo as a friend.

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Casual readers may be wondering why I start off this entry with a mention of the Marx Brothers. Well, the answer to this is that my life seems to be like a script from one of their movies - a thin plot coupled with a lot of insanity.

In my case, things with XGFJ may be coming to a head.  A while back, she threatened to expose me to my family.  But I blunted that threat.  The other day, I signed up for a meetup with "her" dinner group, and she signed up for one with mine shortly afterwards.  At the same time, a mutual friend of ours (who might be interested in dating me) signed up for the same dinner.  I told her that I'd be attending as a female, and she didn't mind.  (I'll bet she knows a little bit more about XGFJ's views than she wants to let on, as I caught her in a statement that XGFJ made to me.)  So, to have someone I could count on in my corner, Vicki decided to join me for this dinner with "my" group.

Sadly, I have to plan for the possibility of XGFJ going ballistic.  She threatened to out me earlier in the year for attending any of the groups - and refused to work with me on a reasonable accommodation for her discomfort in seeing me.  Now that I have blunted her weapon, I feel no reason to accommodate her feelings.  She left me because I was putting my female side more and more in public, thinking I was lost in a "pink fog".  This was never the case.  But without her making her real issue understood to me, she gave up on a relationship that could have worked.  Now that the relationship is defunct, everything I might have done for her while in a relationship is off the table.  And that bothers her in the extreme.

At virtually all meetups I have attended in the recent past, I have attended them all as a female.  It wouldn't make any sense to confuse people by showing up as a male and letting things slip up.  (What would happen if I referenced something that only that person and my feminine persona would know?)  However, I have also signed up for meetup groups as my male persona, as a male presence would be required there.  (Think of singles mixers, etc.) Two of those groups are known to XGFJ, as I attended them with her early on in our relationship. And my presence in any of these groups bothers XGFJ.

So what would you do in my size 13-W shoes?

PS: Our mutual friend also signed up for the theater group that XGFJ didn't want me to attend. Again, she'll be seeing me in female presentation, so I doubt she has as many problems with it as XGFJ.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Today was to be my last day doing a volunteer stint

Over the past year or two, I've been an irregular volunteer for both of the places for which I help out.  My weekend schedule had gotten in the way of me attending many Arts Westchester events. And my declining interest got in the way of helping out at the LGBT Center.  I needed something to motivate me to get up and out on a daily basis, and that involved both a sense of purpose and a desire to earn money. 

Since it looks like I'll soon be working at the Census bureau, I doubt that I will have any free time to do any volunteering for a while.  And this is just as well - I needed a break from my old routine, as I was getting more and more inclined to stay indoors all day.  This is not a healthy thing to do, as evidenced by my dad's former home life before moving into the nursing home.

- - - - - -

By the time I got moving, it was late in the afternoon, and I didn't have the time to do a volunteer stint AND make it to the Fun Time Friends meetup in Wilton, CT.  So I sent an email to the LGBT Center's volunteer coordinator to tell him that I'd either be in tomorrow or on Monday.

When I finally made it out of the house, it was a bit late for me to make it on time.  There was no way that I was going to take Route 95 from here, as rush hour traffic would slow things to a crawl.  Instead, I took the roads to the venue and made it to dinner only a few minutes late. 

Arriving at the venue, I sat down next to the organizer and we had a great time.  There was one woman there who could have been my sister, and she recognized me as well.  This is a very friendly bunch of people - possibly more so than the folks in Beacon.  (Just don't tell the Beacon folks that....)  While chatting with the organizer, I found that she had an interest in visiting Chinatown in the Spring.  So I suggested we do so when it's convenient for her - and we may do that when the weather gets warmer.  I could use as many friends as possible who know me as Marian, and not as Mario.  It would be nice to add a "sane" friend to my address book.

- - - - - -

Earlier in the day, GFJ called me on her way home from Baltimore.  While on the call, she had to hang up, telling me to call back when I was on the road to the meetup.  I did just that, and didn't get an answer.  Could the problem have been to a nationwide problem with Verizon Wireless?  Who knows?  When I tried to reach her on the way home from my meetup, there was also no answer for me.  Since Facebook Messenger shows her as inactive, all I can think is that she has a problem with her phone connecting to the outside world.  Hopefully, she made it to her meetup OK....

My day started with a chat while listening to Perry Mason

The one routine I try to keep every morning is to turn the TV to an "Oldies TV Station" and watch Perry Mason.  Occasionally, I'll sit at my computer desk and read my email wile the show is playing.  But I try to never get into a conversation while the show is on - it's a moment of sanity in the insane world I have to deal with.

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This morning, I was responding to email and messages while the show was on. And I got into an online chat with a friend while "my show" was playing.  I was not yet awake enough to chat on the phone, so I deferred the chat until later on.  And then, I went back to bed and rested for a while.Later on, I got moving and had a bite to eat.  Part of me wishes I didn't, as my scale says that I've gained a bit of weight since Thanksgiving and that I must get back in the habit of eating normally.

In the online chat, the subject of my former cruise partner (FCP) came up.  I mentioned that the main reason I cut off all communication with her was that I do not like being ordered to do things, and that she was trying to order me around as if I were her child.  You might recall (from my previous blog) that I got annoyed when she started to tell me how to cut a piece of steak. Well, I grew up in a household where my mother knew no limits of privacy nor where her limits of control were.  It is no coincidence that I moved over an hour away from my parents.  Unlike my brother, I never had to endure any unannounced visits from my parents, nor did I have to worry about my mother going into my closets, cabinets, or drawers when I was not around.  FCP pushed my buttons, and when she went too far, I knew that I would never go on another cruise with her again.

- - - - - -

I got delayed in doing laundry this afternoon, as I got into a conversation with our co-op's superintendent.  He's a good fellow, and we found out that some information regarding his employment wasn't transferred to the new managing agent from the old agent.  This put the co-op in an awkward situation, as we were not aware of this issue before our end-of-year meeting.  So we will be addressing this issue next month, in order to resolve the issue in an appropriate manner.

Once my laundry was done, I drove to Beacon for the dining meetup.  I was 15 minutes late, and was not able to sit with the main group of people.  Instead, I ended up sitting with one lady, her husband, and a couple of their friends.  This was the first time I got the chance to speak to this lady without her brother being around, as well as the first time I've gotten the chance to speak with this woman's husband.  It might have been fortunate circumstance that I arrived at the restaurant a little late after all.

- - - - - -

On the way home, I stopped at Walmart to find some sweats for my dad.  Unfortunately, the Fishkill store was sold out of everything near my dad's size.  So I may have to order some sweats online and hope they get here before Xmas....

I really didn't want to get up and out early, but....

After I got home from Church on Sunday, I decided to hunker down and wait for the end of the expected snow storm.  At the end of the first wave of snow, GFJ had 4 inches on the ground, while we had gotten much less down here.  Since the weathermen were predicting another 6 inches or so around here, Monday's activities were postponed or cancelled. So I was prepared for the worst when I got up this morning - and the worst didn't happen....

- - - - - -

My alarms were set to wake me up before 8 am.  This would give me enough time to clean off my car, then go inside to shower, shave, and get dressed as Mario.  Around 10:30, I'd drive to the outskirts of Peekskill, so that I could have an interview for a technology administrator position that was scheduled yesterday.  By the time I got outside to clean off my car, there wasn't much snow on the ground, nor was there much on my car.  Instead, there was about .75cm of ice covering the glass surfaces, which I proceeded to melt with a bottle of alcohol spray I keep in the car for this purpose.

The clock hit 10:30, and off to Peekskill I drove, reaching a site down the road from the resource recovery center on John Walsh Boulevard. (This is a part of Peekskill not connected to the downtown business district, and to be safe, I used my GPS to get there.) Once upstairs, I ended up waiting for about 10 minutes before my interview.  Although the interview went well, I don't think I'm the person they want for the job.  My skill sets are rusty, and I don't feel I was at my best.  What I found most interesting about the interview was the use of a script explaining what the census was and why it is done.  (I'll bet that they've had too many people over the years asking dumb questions that they should have learned in a Civics class - if this class was still offered in schools.)  The 2 questions I had, they couldn't answer - When would I hear back from them? and When would they expect me to start if offered the position? The fact that they couldn't supply that information says their ramp up process is flawed.

Once I was done with the Census Bureau, I decided to bring my iPad back to the place that installed a new battery.  I said that it wasn't working, and let the tech take the device in for analysis. Although he said that he'd look at the iPad right away, I'd be just as happy if he didn't have it ready until tomorrow morning....

- - - - - -

I left later than I should for tonight's dining meetup, and I was the last person there.  Everyone else was already seated, so I stood near a table or two, and chatted for a while with the groups at each table.  Unfortunately, there was one group that I didn't speak with much - and I'll be sure to catch up with them next week.  Because I was the only person sitting at a table with no one with me (about 7 or 8 people cancelled for the evening), the group at one table and I moved to a larger table, where we all had room to spread out.  I'm glad that the group's hostess thought of this - she is a nice lady.

On the way home, I called GFJ, and she called back just as I was hitting a Route 9 cell phone dead spot.  Once out of the dead spot, I called her back, and we chatted about things until I reached the Walmart in Mohegan Lake.  $20 later, I left the store and headed home for the night.

I don't know how I woke up without the alarm, but it was worth the effort to get out early.

It's always hard to get an oil change at Mavis these days.  The place is usually very busy, and that means business like mine gets pushed to the side to accommodate more profitable efforts, such as selling tires.  But if you get to the shop early enough, you can usually get in and out of the place before 10 am.  Instead of a trip for minor service costing me $500 at the dealership, my car can get what it needs for under $200.  And when one is living on a fixed income, the $300 is better in my pocket than in the dealership's till.

- - - - - -

Last night, I knew that I had to wake up early the following morning.  So I went to bed around 1 am, started the "white noise" maker, put on my CPAP mask, and readied myself for a few hours of sleep.  While I was semiconscious, my phone rang.  Seems that RO accidentally dialed me, and killed the call as soon as she started it.  But that didn't keep me alert for long, as I passed out again shortly afterwards.

When I got up, it was a couple of minutes before 7.  So I turned off all my alarms, took my shower, and went out the door as Mario.  I arrived at Mavis at 8, and asked them to look at my front end when they did the oil change and rotated the tires.  I was right, when I hit the curb last Thursday, I knocked the front end a little out of alignment.  So I was glad I got this taken care of before I ruined my tires by uneven tread wear. About $160 later, my car was ready, and I was ready to drive home.  So back to Croton I drove, and back to bed I went for a little while to try and catch up on a few Z's I missed the night before.

- - - - - -

Of course, with the coffee I consumed earlier, I didn't have a chance to catch those Z's.  Instead, I took care of a couple of little things around the house and took it easy for a while. But then, I realized that I may have an interesting set of schedule conflicts.  Either I will need to cancel my attendance at a FTF Meetup dinner or cancel my attendance at a Beacon Meetup dinner due to a dinner engagement with RO.  It'll be nice to be able to see her again this year, as she had some good news to share - her daughter is finally getting married!  YAY!

But I digress a little....

Around 5:00, I started to get ready for tonight's meetup by changing into my female presentation.  It took a little longer than expected for me to get out the door, and I barely made it in time to the Meetup's restaurant.  The usual gang was there, but I couldn't sit at the table I wanted to be at - the last 3 seats had already been taken, so I ended up at another table with other people I don't get the chance to speak with that often.

Originally, I figured that I would order a small dish and get out of the place for $25 or so.  Instead, I ordered the prix fixe 3 course dinner, and ended up spending roughly $50.  (I was glad I took a $50 bill with me, as it made it possible for me to leave a nice tip without going overboard.)  Of course, I fluttered between our 3 tables, chatting with people I wanted to chat with.  However, I didn't chat with all the people I wanted to chat with - the appetizers and main course came while in the middle of chats with friends.  (At least, I'll get to chat with these people the week after Thanksgiving.)

All too soon, the evening had to end.  So it was on with my coat, and back down to Croton and home. Although I can't keep up spending money at this rate without cracking open my 401k, I'm roughly where I expected to be today.  Hopefully, one of the jobs I'm applying for will come though, and I'll be able to stop the short term drain on my savings account.

It always seems as if I'm getting interrupted during my favorite TV show.

I can't help but wish I could trigger the tune "Park Avenue Beat" to play on the speaker when this entry gets opened.  It would only be fitting given the picture above.

- - - - - -

Today, I was fully awake when my favorite morning TV show came on.  And about 40 minutes into the show, I received a call that I didn't answer.  Seems like my cleaning lady wants to come 2 weeks early, as her next visit would coincide with Thanksgiving.  AARGH!  I have yet to pick up the cleaning supplies she requested on her last visit.  Luckily, I have a change of bed linens ready for her to put on the bed.

Around noon, I ended up going to the dentist, and I got some bad news.  A tooth that my former dentist was monitoring was about to fail, so my wallet will be $2500 lighter sometime next month.  OUCH!   At least I can plan for this expense, as well as another tooth that is likely to fail next year. Once done with the dentist, I went to a local pizzeria to get some lunch before going home to change into a female presentation for tonight's dinner. 

After I had changed, I performed a couple of errands before driving up to Fishkill for dinner. And at 5:45, I was on my way.  GFJ had called me while I was getting ready to leave, so I called her back.  She was on her way to her dining meetup - at the Culinary Institute of America, while I was on my way to the Dutchess Biercafe.  What was most unusual about our chat had nothing to do with its content.  Instead, we were able to keep talking, even though I drove through an area that I usually lose phone service along Route 9.  (T-Mobile has many more dead spots than Verizon, and I am still thinking of changing carriers almost a year after I started on their network.)  Both of us reached our destinations at the same time, so we agreed to call each other back after dinner.

Our meetup group had the whole of one room to ourselves.  It was very noisy, but it was fun.  WDJ sat at the table behind me, and we didn't get the chance to talk much.  Luckily, there were other ladies at my table with whom I enjoyed some nice chats.  Although the Biercafe had a restaurant week menu, I chose to order a dinner sized appetizer off the main menu - "The Best of the Wurst".  (I love German style sausages!)  And this was more than enough food for me.

On the way home, I stopped at Walmart to pick up cleaning supplies for my cleaning lady to use.  Since she will be coming tomorrow afternoon, I figured that I needed to pick up these supplies tonight.  Once out of Walmart, it was time for another phone call to GFJ.  She had still not prepared for her trip.  Hopefully, she'll do a load of wash, then dry it tonight, as she'll be very busy in the morning before she gets on the road....

And the week started to get busy....

Last night, I saw GFJ for dinner to talk about the problems in our relationship.  Some of you can guess what they are.  But for now, I won't discuss them here.  I want to give her enough room to process her feelings - and discussing them here may not help things.

- - - - - -

Waking up this morning, I felt rested, but lethargic.  Checking my blood sugar levels, I knew why - they were a little bit lower than usual for this time of morning, and I knew that it was time to have something that would pass for breakfast.

Once I took care of this, I figured that I'd check my email.  I received a notice from a TV show filming in NYC that I had a confirmed ticket for tomorrow.  This was no good anymore, as I had dinner scheduled with Vicki #1. So I sent a response cancelling my ticket, and continued checking my emails.  It's amazing how much low-priority email is getting tossed into the spam folder.  Since I see them on my cell phone before they are folder-filed, I know that they have little value.  So I decided not to change my filters for now.

And then, I looked at my schedule....

The rest of my week looked like this:

Tuesday:
1. Volunteering at Arts Westchester
2. Dinner with the Beacon Meetup Group

Wednesday:
1. Volunteering at the LGBT Center
2. Dinner with Vicki #1 (Hudson Valley Restaurant Week)

Thursday:
1. Speech Therapy
2. Dinner with HWV (Hudson Valley Restaurant Week)

Friday:
1. (Possible) Volunteering at Arts Westchester
2. (Possible) Visiting MoMA with my niece.

Saturday:
1. (Possible) Visiting JS and seeing her Psychic.

Of course, many things end up filling in the gaps.  Chores such as laundry, shopping, etc. take up a lot of time when one has the time to burn.  And I burn it well....

- - - - - -

Around 1 pm, I drove to Arts Westchester to do a volunteer stint.  Today's task was to slice and dice information collected on a spreadsheet, and separate each organization's visitors into separate row entries, so that further analysis of that information could take place.  Unfortunately, the instructions given to me was a little flawed, as well as my understanding of those instructions. So I ended up wasting a little time (as well as having to do some rework) because of mutual misunderstandings.  But I got enough done correctly, so that I'll be coming back next week.

After this, I drove to the dining meetup in Fishkill, with a stop at BJ's Wholesale Club.  I figured that I'd pick up some plastic cups and paper plates I often use, killing time before the meetup. Once done at BJ's, I drove to dinner and found a parking spot near the restaurant without any problem.  (Sometimes, it pays to be a little bit early.)  Then I sat down across from a new member, next to one of our regulars, and across from WDJ.  Although it was noisy, I had several good conversations. And all too soon, dinner was over. 

Driving home, I tried to reach GFJ - but her line was busy.  She was chatting with her son about Thanksgiving issues, and called me back as soon as she was off the phone.  It seems like the big family Thanksgiving dinner may be called off due to family complications I can't go into detail here.  Instead, she may end up spending the holiday with both her sons at her youngest son's place.  Although she was originally planning on renting a car and driving 600 miles each way, I suggested that she look into Amtrak.  She could leave her car at my place, hop on the Lake Shore Limited, and reach her son's place about 16 hours later. (That should be enough information to guess where he lives.)  We ran the numbers for the trip, and doing this will cost less than the car rental.  Hopefully, that fare will still be available if she needs to use it.

- - - - - -

Once I got home, I turned on the political news.  And I found that the Democrats won big in the State of Virginia.  Of course, my curiosity was piqued.  Did my favorite Virginia politician win?  YES!!!!!

Danica Roem
Member of the Virginia House of Delegates from the 13th district

On November 5, 2019, Roem defeated Republican challenger Kelly McGinn, becoming the first openly transgender state legislator to be re-elected.

On the whole, this was a very good day - even though I found out that a job application I sent in was rejected.  (I didn't really want to work in a call center.  But it was a full time position in a firm which makes sure that transgender individuals are protected. So, why not email a resume?  It couldn't hurt!)

Beginning the week on a high note

I spent the weekend with GFJ, and had the pleasant opportunity to see "Raise Hell: The life and times of Molly Ivins" on Sunday night.  Usually, it's GFJ who falls asleep during the movie.  But I missed a bit of the movie because I couldn't stay fully awake.  (Having just eaten a heavy dinner didn't help.)  What I saw of the film, I liked. And I hope to catch it when it comes to cable sometime in the near future.

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The next day, I accompanied GFJ to her dermatologist, so that a cyst could be removed from her left shoulder.  I'm glad I did so, as she didn't feel good about driving on the way back to her place.  She told me that the doctor had to dig deep to get all of the cyst out, and that she expected the wound to hurt a bit as it healed.

When I drove home in the afternoon, I could have called my GP to schedule my yearly physical.  I missed his office when I got home, as it now shuts down at 3 pm - and I got home at 3:45 pm.  (Dollars to doughnuts, based on his shrinking office hours, that he is readying himself for his eventual retirement. That's another story for another post.)  But I did make it to the drug store for my second shingles shot.  And this was something I had to do while presenting as a male.

Getting home, I played the messages on my answering machine that I couldn't play while away.  Once I got the phone number of the lady I had to contact for an interview, we scheduled an interview for next week -  an interview that I'll go to as a female.  Assuming that I work again, I intend to do so while presenting as Marian.  Although my legal identity may still be in Mario's name, I want to continue my path towards living my life as Marian and not as Mario.

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Tuesday came, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything.  JS and I were supposed to get together, but she cancelled out.  Seems like she needed to earn an extra few dollars tutoring a child today.  In our quick online exchange of messages, I think it's fair to assume that nothing has changed in her life, save that the assumptions she made to take the job in Brooklyn were invalid - her costs are higher than expected, and the commute is sapping the energy out of her.  Too bad that she didn't take her financial planner's advice and move to Florida - she'd be better off down there. This left me with one thing on my docket - going to the dining meetup.  Did I really want to get showered, made up and dressed?  That was the big question I had to address, and I had to address it by 3:30 or so.

Around 4:00, I ended up taking my shower and getting ready for tonight's dinner.  GFJ called me as I was about to put on my makeup, and I chatter with her for about a half hour.  (There went the extra time I needed to arrive early at the restaurant.)  But it was worth the awkward timing, as she's been getting tired earlier in the evening than in the past, and I wanted to chat while both of us were able to chat coherently.

A little before 6:00, I ended up leaving for dinner, and I got stuck in slow moving traffic along Route 9.  It didn't help that the driver just ahead of me was impaired.  No, I'm not saying that the person was drinking or drugging.  Instead, I think that he didn't have a clear view of the roadway's edge due to the rain, and had trouble staying fully in the lane.  (If he had also been swerving over the center double line, I'd have thought the person was under the influence.)  Even I was having trouble driving, given the darkness and the drizzle.  A hard rain might have been better, as people may have driven more slowly and followed a path set by the leader of the pack of cars.

Just before 6:45, I arrived at the restaurant and found a seat.  This restaurant did not know how to handle late arrivals for a large group, nor did it staff our area properly.  I had to get up and ask the waitress for the Prix-Fixe menu, as she didn't bring me one on my arrival.  She shouldn't be given a hard time based on my writing- the waitress was doing the job of two people, and had to deal with the needs of 28 people. Unfortunately, the restaurant was too noisy for my taste, and I had a hard time chatting with people.  To keep myself busy, I started reading articles on my cell phone.  (Where would we be without these devices?)  But, I was glad to be drawn back into conversations by my table neighbors, as well as by WDJ.

Our meetup broke up a little after 9:00, and I drove home through the rain.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to reach GFJ again, so I was glad that I spoke with her before leaving for dinner.  Arriving home without incident, I stripped out of my clothes and got into something comfortable for the rest of the night.

An Autumn Nor'easter is expected

When I started this entry, I was grateful that it isn't winter.  A storm like what was expected for this evening through Thursday afternoon would be a pain, but only consist of rain.  It would most likely get in the way of my daily events, but not cause me many problems after the storm ended.

Considering my lack of energy, I decided to bail out on volunteering for the day, and rested until it was time to get ready for dinner in Fishkill.  I expected that a few people would bail from the meetup because of the rain. But I didn't expect that I could be the only person there. So, I decided to brave the rain and drive to the Eleven-Eleven restaurant for a 6:30 dinner.  I arrived at the meetup a few minutes late, as it was hard to find a legal parking lot.  But there was nothing to be concerned about - no one's drink orders had been taken, and it would be a while before dinner orders were taken.

Sitting down at the far end of the table, I was able to chat with a new member of the meetup group.  But she wasn't my prime focus of conversation.  Instead, it was the two people to my right - a husband/wife couple who were interested in cruising.  And I had a couple of stories to tell.  However, it was hard to be heard over the noise.  This is not the place to go if you want a romantic meal.  Instead, this is a place to go when you want a pleasant night with someone, but aren't interested in heavy conversation.

As the gathering waned, WDJ came over to chat with me and this new member.  We were chatting for a while after most of our group left, and I chatted a bit more with this woman after WDJ left.  When the rain eased off a little, the two of us headed to our cars, and we headed to our separate homes.

A busy Middle of the week.

The day of the dead is coming up, and it gave me the inspiration to use this picture taken at a recent meetup to start the post.    Next time I'm in the place, I'll get a better shot of the painting....

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Tuesday was a busy day for me.  Not only did I have a LGBT Career Fair in NYC that I planned to attend, but I also had dinner with the Beacon Dining Meetup group.  I'd be putting in a lot of miles on the car by the time I was home for the night.

My alarm woke me up around 8:00, but I didn't bother getting up quickly.  Yet, I was catching up with things on my computer when the second alarm rang 30 minutes later.  So when I turned off this alarm, I dismissed all waiting alarms for the day, went back to the computer, and sat at my desk until 10:00.  Then and only then did I relax for about 45 minutes before I started to get ready to go into NYC.

I wasted a lot of time preparing for the career fair, and didn't have that many dresses available to me that I'd want to wear on an interview.  And I settled on a black dress that, accessorized correctly, could be worn formally or casually depending on the nature of the occasion.  So, shortly after 11:00, I started in to NYC, and arrived at the LGBT Center a little after 1:00.

This year's career fair was more crowded than in years before.  This time, it was even more focused for the needs of young adults (which is what I'd want if I were running things) and not old ladies trying to reenter the workforce.  My old employer was there, and I was tempted to stop by and chat.  But, given that if I were to end up getting a job with them (an extremely unlikely event), I'd lose my pension benefits.  And that's not going to happen if I can help it.  Unfortunately, this visit to NYC was a waste of time, save for something unrelated to job searches....

If I decide to take the subway into NYC, I usually try to park near Ex-GF-M's place.  The neighborhood is safe (as far as I can tell), and nearby parking is usually available.  When I returned from Manhattan, I decided to look inside the windows of her old place.  Inside, I saw that the old oak floors had been torn up (3 dogs not walked enough did a lot of damage), and plywood was laid where solid oak floors once were.  Ex-GF-M's brother was right when he said that the entire building had to be gutted - the place was a disaster with I last saw Ex-GF-M alive, and I can only imagine the problems that he and his sister are having dealing with the estates of Ex-GF-M's mother in law and Ex-GF-M.  I'm glad that this is not my headache!

Next, it was home to get comfortable for an hour, and then to make it to the Meetup.  I was lucky enough to be seated near two new members, and had an opportunity to speak a bit with one of them.  This lady (who I'll call R for now) is a divorcee and attends a few meetups, one of them being GFJ's dining meetup.  I'll have to be very careful about what I say when with her, as I don't want to relate GFJ's story in any way - for her privacy and mine.  The second lady (who I'll call D for now) and I chatted on our way to our cars.  Hopefully, both ladies will be back soon.

All too soon, it was time to leave.  I tried to reach GFJ again, but her phone must have been in use.  If my former friend and I didn't have our blowout, I'd have given her a call.  But I'm not going to do that.  Instead, I'll remove her number from my car's speed dial, and then find a way to block her calls if she tries to call me.  I don't need her drama, and she doesn't really want my friendship on reasonable terms.

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Wednesday came, and I didn't bother going to the bank in the morning as I planned.  Instead, I didn't wake up until 11:00, and dillydallied until 2:00.  Then I got dressed and went to the LGBT center to do my volunteer stint.  This week, it was checking out the prices of books, so that the center could sell the "valuable" ones via Amazon.  I've done this before, and it's a time consuming, mindless task.  But it does help, as they make a few dollars each time they sell a book.  Every dollar helps....

When I was done at the center, I went home and took care of some long neglected laundry.  By the time I was done, it was a little after 9:00, and I laid down to rest.  GFJ called me around 10:00, and we chatted for a while.  I mention this, as she will be going away tomorrow morning, and it'll be much harder for us to chat while she's away attending a wedding in North Carolina.

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I was already awake for a couple of hours when GFJ called me on Thursday morning.  She called at the wrong time - just as Perry Mason was about to reveal "who did it."  But I was not annoyed.  Instead, I was glad that she thought of me before spending another 6-7 hours on the road with her sister.

Eventually, I started getting ready to go out.  Around 12:30, I got moving and took my shower for the day and started getting dressed.  However, I had to start the day out as Mario, as I had to visit a bank branch to take care of a matter that required face to face contact with a service representative.

I was dressed and out the door by 1:15 or so.  Since the bank is down the hill from me, I figured that I'd be back home with more than enough time to change into Marian mode and make it to speech therapy - and I was right.  I met with the platform officer, and the bank paperwork took me about 15 minutes. I had everything ready to go, and all I had to do was answer the usual KYC (Know Your Customer) questions used to make sure I'm on the up and up (no money laundering allowed) AND to get marketing information so that they can sell me new products.

After a quick change, I was out the door as Marian around 2:30, and down at Mercy at 3:00.  No matter how much I mark 3:00 in my schedule, I'm likely thin that the session starts at 3:30, as that was the original schedule for the start of the weekly session.  This week, the session used a computer, a microphone, and some software to help show me where my voice was going.  I was well into the androgynous pitch range, reaching some tones that typical cisgender males don't reach.  So I have gotten much better since I first started down the path to have a feminine voice.

- - - - - -

Once done at Mercy, I decided to drive over to Central Avenue to see if the Yonkers Avenue store was still in business - it was not.  So I went over to the bookstore to get a cup of coffee and to kill time.  While there, I got into a conversation with a lady at a neighboring table, and our chat was going very well until her son called.  That was my cue to leave for game night.  So I bid her a fond adieu, and trekked over to Stew Leonard's to pick up something for the gang to nibble on. And then, it was over to play games.

As usual, I did poorly with the games.  But, I enjoyed myself.  Once done playing games, I chatted with the hostess about my recent interview and about my low-key job search.  She gave me some ideas of what to say in a cover letter, so that my resume would be seriously examined, in order to get me an interview.  If I could get that, I'd have a shot at getting the job.  After telling the hostess that I'm now interviewing as Marian, she noted that in many non-profits, that my transgender status would not be a problem.  Hopefully, she's right.  It'd be nice to get a job working as Marian on a regular schedule.