Bored, not Board

 

For the most part, I wasn't in the mood to do much of anything today.  Although I got up at a reasonable time, it took a while before I got moving.  And when I did, I realized that I had to start packing for my cruise.  So, it was off to unload the laundry basket that has been sitting in my living room, and putting both underwear and socks into compression bags, then into my suitcase.  Yes, I could have done more packing, I figured that it would be best for me to simply develop a checklist, so that I can be sure to include what I'll need for my 7-day cruise.

4 pm came around, and I decided to get Chinese takeout (a big mistake) before the evening's co-op board meeting. I returned home, finished my meal, and then turned on the computer for a 6 pm Zoom meeting.  And this is where today's tedium came in.  We have a new member on the board who chooses to regurgitate what is being said, wasting time in the meeting.  (Sometimes, it's better to listen and not expect to pick up on everything going on in a business meeting.)  It felt that he was playing up to a teacher.  And then, he was trying to rescue a relationship without knowing why things were in trouble in the first place.  (As I said, sometimes it's best to just listen.)  I know that he was triggering some feelings, and I think it's that he wants to preserve a business relationship that we already feel may need to be broken. But enough of that....

While the meeting was going on, I was keeping my mind active by doing other things on my cellphone.  I've always had problems with long business meetings, as they are where minutes are taken and hours are lost.  As a result, I try to keep my mind active doing other things, and half-listen to what is going on when others are speaking. And today was no exception - even though I was the person taking minutes.  At least, I won't have to do this again until next month.

Another night of Drag Queen Bingo

Drag queen bingo.  It's not my normal cup of tea.  But it was part of a mid-week meetup, and I had nothing better to do this evening.  Given that there were 6 of us ladies there (myself included), it was nice to get together for something mindless and entertaining.

Like a typical Hibachi dinner, once you've seen a drag queen's performance, you've seen it all.  There is very little variation in the performance from show to show. But, in small doses, it stays a pleasant diversion when you have nothing to do.  And I certainly had nothing to do today. I was bored, so I might as well get bored with friendly people. And what is it about these performances that I find so boring?  With Hibachi chefs, it is the limit to the routines they can do with food being cooked. With drag queen performances, it is excessive exaggeration combined with lame sexual jokes.  It gets boring when one sees the same performer repeat an act with little variation from performance to performance.

Yet, I consider myself lucky.  I live in a state which protects the right of a drag performer to put on a show.  This is very important to me, as we've already seen several states ban drag performances in the name of public decency.  Who is being harmed by drag queen story hours at the local library?  The children?  I doubt it.  I'd rather have my young child read to by a drag queen than be given religious instruction by a Catholic priest.  (Yes, I know that 99% and more of the ordained priests are people I can trust.  But, in the past, the church has protected that evil 1% and rotated pedophiles from parish to parish and kept them from being held to account in a non-religious court.)  I've never heard of any drag queens molesting children, but I have heard of religious leaders doing so.

If I'm back by the time of the next show, I may end up going again.  In my way, it is a form of support for these performers, letting them know that they are appreciated.  And I hope that more people will join me in supporting their right to perform their craft without interference from the state.

A day to myself (sort of)

 

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

- Ferris Bueller 

 

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Today was one of those days that I did almost nothing ...at first.  But once I got moving, I was able to take care of an errand related to last night's overflow and take care of some food shopping I needed to do this weekend.

Lately, I've been hanging out in my apartment when I have nothing outside to keep me busy.  Friends have had to reschedule dinners, leaving days open for me that I couldn't fill with meaningful activity. And that gave me the freedom to take care of an emergency laundry run, cleaning the bath towels I used to sop up last night's mess.

When I started my laundry, I decided to walk outside to see if the neighbor's car was in the driveway.  It it was, I'd likely have nothing to worry about from them in regard to last night's problem.  But it wasn't there.  So I figured that I'd bring this up when I see them next, as I'd rather take care of things myself than to get the co-op involved.

After my laundry was done, it was time to go to Walmart to pick up a few things.  While in Walmart, TCL called.  I returned her call once I got out of Walmart, and chatted all the way to the nearby Stop & Shop. And that's where I bought food for the beginning of the week, so that RQS and I do not have to go out to eat as soon as she comes here on Monday.

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One thing I've noted lately is that I often do not have much to say.  I find that I'm healthier not having one former friend in my life, as her problems occasionally took on a life of their own in my head.  That's something I don't need at this stage of life.  I have enough on my plate, and it's enough to bore some people to sleep. 😉

 

I might be leaving the job soon - a short post

 

 

Believe it or not, I might be exiting my job soon....

As much as I enjoy going to work as Marian, it can not make up for the fact that I have one of the most boring jobs in the world.  I do what I can do to stay awake, but I have not been able to keep up the pace of work needed to make my boss happy.  So the first signs of being set up to be forced out are there - an open quota for the most tedious work I have ever done.

Will I be sad if I have to go?  A little.  I like being able to leave by my own choice.  But I won't miss having to get up by 6 am to get to work by 8.  I will miss the extra money the job brings in.  And in this age of $5+ gasoline, every extra dollar counts.

Ennui - It's part of what I've been dealing with for the past 2 years.

En·nui
noun: ennui

a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

"he succumbed to ennui and despair"

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I'm not sure of whether I was experiencing ennui before I broke up with my last serious girlfriend. But I certainly felt it after we broke up.  As BB King titled one of his songs, "The Thrill is Gone."  Or, it has been for a while for me.  It was important for me to find something to excite me, and I was lucky not to fall into the rabbit hole of abuse of mind altering substances.  I had to identify and confront my feelings during the past two years.

The act of going to work in Marian mode was a thrill at first. But now, it's simply a matter of personal comfort and preference.  The problem is that I want romance, and for that, I have to live in both modes. It doesn't bother me to go out as Mario.  It's simply that I prefer going out as Marian.  But this is not the cause of my ennui.

When I was young, a lot of things excited me.  Now, I take many things in stride, knowing that any excitement I get is only momentary.  My last cruise invigorated me, but it was a great let down when I had to come home and go to work the next day.  Now that I have a bucket list cruise on my docket, I an looking forward to the change of pace it will deliver.  I will be in a much better mood when I travel, as I will be a little bit out of my comfort zone - and being energized because of that.

Each time I go to work, I end up being depressed for the first part of the day.  The repetitive nature of my work puts me to sleep, and I want to be doing something different if I have to wake up so early.  Yet, by the time afternoon comes, I am more energized, and I can sail through the rest of the day without many problems.  Is the job worth the money I get for doing it?  I'm not sure.  Sooner or later, I will quit this job, and I know I will feel relief.  Yet, it may put me into the funk I felt in 2000 when the Covid shutdown took place.

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2002 leaves me looking forward to change.  I just hope that I feel more energized soon....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I never thought that I'd be saying NO to meetup groups.

 

Today's post will be a quick one, as I don't have much to say today.

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Recently, I've been saying "No" to attending meetup groups more often than I want to bother attending them.  This amazes me after all the "Sturm und Drang" I was dealing with last year.  

Right now, I'm bored with people.  Dating is a hassle, and there are times that I can't bother with the effort. Even though I feel a little lonely at times, the effort of leaving my shell often takes up more energy I want to expend in the process.  

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Could you say that I am depressed?  Maybe.  Yet, I feel like I'm still recovering from the disaster that was 2020. I was hurt by two of the people I cared about most  (In one case, I was not the innocent party.  But that's another story told elsewhere - such as in my prior blog, which is no longer available to anyone.) I spent so much energy trying to find ways to connect with people that I ignored the connections I already had.

Until things fully get back to normal, I don't know how well I can recharge.  But I know that being able to interact with the world as Marian will be part of the process.