Dressing

One of the problems with being transgender is learning how to dress yourself so that you blend in with other women.  I've made more than my share of mistakes in the past, and I have been overdressed more times than I'd like to remember.  But learning from our mistakes is the best way to learn how to blend in with other females.  So, I realized early on that there is only so much a transgender self help group can give me.

I'm not knocking transgender support groups.  We need groups of people with which we can feel safe. But Transgender people need cisgender women to use for our patterns of femininity.  For example, I learned that I could never wear a dress like the one above to a casual function.  Instead, I would either need a very casual dress, or to wear some sort of trouser based outfit.  Additionally, we need to pattern our speech patterns and conversation topics on those cisgender women often use - and those do not involve most sports.  (Yes, women participate in sports.  But sports are not the focus of most women's lives.  Instead, it is usually their family lives that they will talk about with other women.)

Once a transwoman gets to a certain point, she must go out and make those mistakes one learns from.  And I have made a lot of those mistakes since I've gone out as Marian.  But now, I have to figure out what my next steps will be.  Soon, I expect that I will be getting my ears pierced.  This is a small step, but one that may be noticed when I go out as Mario.  Each step forward towards femininity is a step away from masculinity.  How far do you want to go on your journey?  As for me, I'm still figuring out that question for myself.

 

Bored Meeting

 

 

Unfortunately, I don't have time to write the post I planned to write today.  Last night's shareholder revolt board meeting fizzled out, but took longer than planned.

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One of the problems of sitting on a co-op board of directors is that much time is wasted for reasons that are hard to explain.  Last night's meeting is typical of our public meetings.  We were smart enough to gather a list of questions from the shareholders and to have prepared answers before the meeting.  And we held the floor to answer those questions before any questions from the floor were allowed to be asked.

Things went smoothly, and we were able to close out the public part of the meeting by 8:30 pm.  But we still needed another hour to complete other business left to the board from our last scheduled meeting. By the time I was done, I was fried - and still had another call to make.  At least, this call was much more enjoyable....

An unplanned co-op board meeting

 

This is not the image of anyone on our co-op board.  All of our members are unhappy about what has gone on as of late.  Yet, like people who love pain, we keep on serving our small community.

Why do I say this?

Although I an "out" to the board, I am not generally out to the co-op as a whole.  I never appear as Marian while representing the co-op at board meetings.  So I generally change into Mario mode before going to co-op functions.  Last night, I had to leave the video off at an unplanned zoom meeting, so that I could strip off my makeup while attending a meeting.

Tomorrow will be worse.  We have a planned meeting to address concerns arising from an unpleasant maintenance rate hike.  One shareholder has forced this meeting, and we must deal with a potential shareholder rebellion.  Luckily, we're using zoom for this meeting - and can cut people off at will.  Finally, a benefit we gained from the Covid-19 pandemic.  But I'd rather have shareholders who are all happy....

My only free day this week....

 

As most of my readers know, I live most of my life as a female these days.  Yes, I'm legally male, but that isn't stopping me from enjoying most of the things that have been traditionally reserved for females.  And yet, there are still things that keep pulling me to spend more time as a male - such as romance.  For that reason, I have my daily calendar marked up with "Red" and "Green" days.  Today, I noticed that I have some "Red" events scheduled after I get home for two weeknight evenings, and have two completely "Red" days scheduled over the weekend.

A while back, Fran told me that her decision to "Out" herself to the world happened when she had a meeting that required her to present as a male, but showed up for that meeting as a female.  Since I want to control my "Outings", I've had to develop a good method of scheduling my time to retain that control. (This is part of why I was so pissed off at someone a couple of years ago.  But I won't bore you with that story now.)  I don't mind outing myself to people - there are people with whom I've outed myself, simply because I felt there was little risk in doing so.

For the next few days, my evenings are taken up by zoom meetings, dinner with a new friend, and time with RQS.  There's not much "Me Time" left.  Vicki said that's normal and OK - it's nice to know that you're spending time with someone again. The reason why one goes to meetups is that one needs to occupy empty time in one's schedule.  "Me Time" can be found by removing unneeded things from the schedule.

Right now, I have created "Me Time" by dropping weekend meetups from my schedule.  And weeknight meetups are next to come.  Yet, I will miss the meetups, as they served a purpose when I needed to be with people more than I do now....

Looking at new vacation options

Lately, I haven't been able to dedicate as much time as I used to for this blog.  So, I apologize if the quality of my entries has suffered a little bit.

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For a couple of months, I've been tracking the prices of several cruises.  The April ones on my list have barely moved, and I don't expect to see any significant price drops.  However, I expect to see movement in the cruises scheduled for the second half of the year.  So I will start pruning this list, so that I can have more room for other cruises I might want to take.

Recently, MSC has announced a group of 2023 sailings out of the Red Hook, Brooklyn cruise terminal. Normally, I would not consider traveling to Brooklyn for a cruise, given the headaches of getting to the terminal from where I live. However, MSC will match the loyalty status of customers from other cruise lines as a tool to get them to start cruising MSC.  Since I expect to graduate into NCL's Platinum loyalty level with my upcoming Hawaii cruise, why not consider doing the loyalty match sometime next spring, and seeing if I can take a cruise with a new line?

My vacation options are not limited to cruising.  I am also looking at doing another cross country trip by train.  My nephew lives in the Pacific Northwest, and I've been looking for excuses to visit both Seattle and Portland.  So this might be a trip that hits two birds with a single stone.  In the Fall, I could see myself taking a trip to Chicago, onward to New Orleans, then back home - all on Amtrak.  Each leg on Amtrak could be done in coach, and my big expenses would be food and lodging in the two cities.

Lastly, I have friends from my Texas zoom meetup that I have yet to meet in person.  This is the least likely of my trips, as I'd have to do more traveling as Mario than I would like.  Since I am not enamored of the climate in Texas in regard to being transgender, I am not sure whether I'd be safe there in Marian mode.  Hopefully, one (or two) of them will make it up to NYC for one of their vacations soon....

We didn't go to The Automat.

 

Years ago, when I used to work in the NYC suburbs, I wanted to go to the last Automat to eat.  Sadly, by the time I had the time to do so, the last Automat had closed down.  Today, RQS and I were supposed to go into NYC and see "The Automat", a documentary about the Horn & Hardart Automat restaurants that used to dot New York City and Philadelphia. Unfortunately, the cold and raw weather, we ended up going to a local restaurant for dinner.  (We'll try to see this movie next weekend.)

RQS is warming up to the idea of having a bi-gendered boyfriend.  But then, she is also a person who could not find a traditional place in life, and has had to find her own non-traditional path.  Although I will not go into any details, RQS went to a good school and couldn't be part of any of the usual social groups because of her unique situation. Like me, she was a square peg that couldn't fit into a round hole.  Luckily this gave her time to study and figure out what she wanted to do with her life.  And from what I can tell, she was likely good at what she did during her career.  Yet, in the end, Covid brought an end to it.

Being with RQS is easy at this stage of getting to know each other.  I've already told her about my falling-outs with both XGFJ and FCP, and she hasn't yet run away.  Maybe, just maybe, I may have found a keeper....

Seeing a friend who will soon be doing a trip I want to take.

 

I had dinner with one of my friends tonight.  She has only seen me as Marian, and we discussed what is going on in our lives.   And she's about to take the transatlantic crossing that I want to take sometime in the next 5 years.  

Most of my readers may be unaware of this, but the Queen Mary 2 is the last of the great ocean liners.  There is an important difference between ocean liners and cruise ships: Ocean Liners are designed to cross the Atlantic quickly with maximum comfort possible.  Cruise ships are mostly floating barges meant to be destinations in their own right.  When the QM2 is eventually retired, Cunard may use a hybrid ship to make its transatlantic crossings.  But it will be a sad day when this last ship in its category makes its last run.

If possible, I want to take this trip in a female presentation. It will be more pleasurable for me to get dressed to the nines (as only a woman can) for formal nights on this ship.  And for this, I can use my friend as a sounding board.  Ideally, I'll be able to travel as Marian all around Great Britain and Ireland, and return to the USA in style.  

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Making the above trip requires time and money - something we discussed as well.  My friend asked me if I'd be willing to work at her business, and I said I might be interested in doing so - especially since I'd be able to do so as Marian.  If this comes to pass, I'll let my readers know what happens....