A cruising promotion watch-out

 

Although I have enjoyed my cruising with one cruise line, I am leery of booking my flights with that same cruise line after hearing complaints about their ticketing issues in several forums.  My experience with this line's air travel booking was merely acceptable, but it was not something which made me want to use this service again - even if it saves me money.

Today, I watched two travel agents discuss NCL's flight booking program, and realized that I got lucky with my flights to/from Hawaii.  If I had used NCL's hotline to get assistance when United scuttled the first leg of my flight to Honolulu, I might have missed the first day of my Hawaii cruisetour. This would have been a great disappointment, as I spent almost $9,000 to take this trip and would hate to lose a day in Hawaii due to a plane's mechanical failure.  Given that NCL will not guarantee that all passengers on a single booking will fly together, and that NCL has canceled tickets on the day of the flight, I will likely never use this service for myself again.

There are some travel agents that still consider NCL's "second person flies free" part of the "free at sea" promotion, and will consider this option for their clients. So it pays to understand what one gets as part of the promotion and what one doesn't get.  Although RQS and I will be taking an NCL cruise early next year, they will not be booking our flights.  I do not trust them to get the best value for us when we can't even choose which airport that we fly out of.  As I've mentioned, I live in Westchester county, and RQS lives in Queens.  It would be a hardship for us if our flight were booked to leave from Newark instead of La Guardia or JFK.  But NCL does not allow us to specify an airport if another airport is within 60 miles of where we live.

It's obvious that we'll be cruising with NCL again, as we already have two more cruises with NCL in the pipeline.  But, given the horror stories being reported in the NCL Facebook forums and now by prominent YouTube.com vloggers, I will no longer be taking my chances and letting NCL book my flights. 

 

Managing the contents of my closet

 

I'm one of those transgender women who love wearing dresses.  If I were born in a later generation, I'd likely want to wear different garments, as the cisgender women of my generation made their transition into preferring trouser-like garments years after I grew up.  In short, I modeled my clothing preferences on that of my mother, and I may always gravitate to those garments.

Unlike my mother, I enjoy wearing clothing with simple lines and strong colors.  Although I will wear patterns, I am more into solids - in either gender presentation. Although I have more patterned tops for when I present as male, it's only because these are the only tops available in my size. When presenting as a female, I prefer to let my costume jewelry do some of the talking. But I try never to over do it with  jewelry.

Over the years, I have bought way too many items of women's clothing, and I have had to purge some of these garments as they have gone out of style and no longer fit my needs.  Luckily, some charities have been beneficiaries of my purchases.  Today, I am gradually removing the cheaper garments from my closet, those garments which wore out quickly and were not meant to last.  In short, I'm trying to remove "fast fashion" from my wardrobe.

Shifting towards more sustainable fashion requires work.  Yes, I will continue to occasionally buy lower priced garments which I know will last a year or two. But I will not do this as often as I used to do it. (A gal's got to spruce up her wardrobe occasionally, doesn't she?)  The big question becomes: When I eventually get around to losing some weight, will my taste in women's clothing change and what will happen to my wardrobe when that happens?

A tempest in a teapot, but not without reason.

 

Transgender women in sports.  Much noise has been made regarding this topic, and much noise will continue to be made until we are accepted by society.  Yet, our detractors do have a point that must be addressed.  Without puberty blockers, trans women's bodies will develop differently than cisgender women, and the jury is out on whether this gives trans women an advantage in women's sports.

An article in science.org discusses World Athletics's decision to ban transgender athletes from competing in women's sports. The reason that many give is that there is not enough information on the advantage transgenders may have due to their atypical body development.  Yet, without being willing to gather that information, this becomes a "Catch-22" situation.  We have no data, so we won't collect that data.  AARGH!  Even cisgender females such as Caster Semenya are harmed by the athletic organizations, as she has a natural, but abnormal amount of testosterone in her system. And yet, most of the science-based discussions rightfully focus on fairness in competition, and not on a person being trans or not.

However, things seem to be very different in non-elite competitions, and this is where social prejudice sets in.  The "Redder" the state is, the more likely is it to have laws which hurt trans kids from participating in school sports.  Like their adult counterparts, trans children are the focus of communal hatred, as I believe these laws were passed to prevent trans kids from leaving the closet. But these bans conflict with Federal Title-IX laws, which are meant to give equal opportunity to all without regard to gender.  ESPN's website has an interesting article discussing how young trans athletes are getting caught in the debate on whether trans people should have the same rights as cisgender people - at least in sports.

In the end, "fairness" can never be a "one size fits all" policy.  We need to know how much of an advantage being transgender gives a person before and after puberty.  And we need to know where it doesn't give us an advantage.  So how do we get this information without competition?  Until the sports authorities are willing to collect this information, trans athletes will continue to be hurt as children and as adults.

Aloha 'Oe

 

Aloha 'Oe.  It's a song that will always remind me of Hawaii - and for good reason.  It will always remind me of places where I can relax and chill out, and not just in America's paradise.  But why do I start out with a thought about Hawaii?  Well, I've grown to realize that cruising is my favorite way to disconnect from the outside world for a while, and come out refreshed at the end of my trip.

Today ended a long relaxed weekend with RQS.  I drove her back to Croton-Harmon in the middle of the afternoon, and I killed a little time before returning home due to plumbing repairs that required water being shut off to the building.  By the time I got home, the repairs were complete, and I was able to take care of things at the apartment.

Around 6 pm, I put my dress back on and drove to Wegmans for a shopping trip.  $90 later, I had several bags in my car, and was ready to pack it in for the day.  And yet, my thoughts kept prodding me to do one more thing - plan another trip to Hawaii, and see things I couldn't see the first time around.  For example, it was too windy to visit the USS Arizona memorial when I was there, and it is a site I'd like to see.  Another thing I'd like to do is enjoy the Luau at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  I've seen the Luau on Kauai, and would want a different take on the ceremony.  And then, I'd like to get back to the Halealaka Crater and Volcanoes National Park when it isn't foggy or raining.

As I see it, going back to Hawaii with RQS in tow will be worth it.  The only question will be: How do we afford it?  

Lobster was one of many food truck selections we had today

 

RQS had a hankering for a lobster roll today, and I indulged it after taking care of some other business. But first....

Neither of us were in a hurry to get up this morning, and we took our time to get moving.  It was one of those days where I couldn't get up before noon, and RQS indulged my need for sleep.  It's just as well, as I felt more awake than usual after having an interrupted 8+ hours of sleep.  This would be my third day with RQS in Marian mode, and I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.

When we got moving, we first went to another furniture store to look at some more choices.  And again, the salesperson was all over us looking to make a sale. This sales person didn't bother me as much as she did RQS.  But we were still not ready to buy anything.  So it was off to Dobbs Ferry and the Lobster Truck.

It took us a little while to find our way to the train station, but we were rewarded by a multitude of food trucks at the riverside festival.  As much as I wasn't in the mood to spring for a couple of lobster rolls, I knew they would be a good value and that they would make RQS happy - so they were worth busting the budget a little.  And yet, we were both hungry afterwards.  So it was time to raid the ice box and finish off the Chinese food we left there

Since RQS decided to stay until tomorrow afternoon, I had to text DS to tell her that I couldn't make it for hiking.  I know she was upset, but what could I do?  I will always put my relationship with RQS first.  She is the only woman I've met in years that accepts me for who and what I am, and doesn't care much about what I wear.  She is a blessing, and I try to make her as happy as I can....

Seeing someone off that I wish I knew better

 

A little while ago, Vicki #2's spouse passed away.  Today RQS and I went to the memorial service held in their memory.

- - - - - -

Normally, neither of us likes to get up early. But today was different.  I woke up before the alarm, and I took my shower before RQS got up. By the time we were ready, we had a half hour to make it to Mt. Kisco when we noticed a slight drizzle starting.  So off we went in the steadily worsening weather to the memorial service.  We arrived around 10:30, with more than enough time to find parking in the small lot.  By the time 11:00 came, we were happy to have arrived early.

Several speeches were given regarding memories of Vicki's transgender spouse, (I mention this only because this was an important part of their identity) and by the time the service ended, both RQS and I wished we had the chance to know "the captain" better.  We stayed a little while at the post memorial reception, gave our condolences to Vicki, and we were on our way to our next stop, JC Penney in Danbury.

We arrived at the mall, and RQS started shopping for some things to wear on our upcoming cruise. Both of us were underwhelmed by the selection of products at the store.  RQS bought a couple of tops before we left. And then it was off to the furniture store to look at replacement sofas for my place and recliners for RQS's place.  Both of us were impressed by several sofas and recliners we sat in, but were put off by the omnipresence of the salesman.  He wanted to make a sale, and make it today.  But neither of us were willing to do so.  

Our next stop was at a Chinese restaurant that I visited with my former cruise partner.  As usual, the food was good here, and we had leftovers to eat later on.  Yum!  At least we didn't get caught in a deluge on the way home.

I almost forgot my anniversary - thoughts on being widowed.

 

There are several days during the year that I make sure I have a small drink - and they are all related to significant days that I shared with my late wife.  Today would have been our 38th anniversary, and there will always be a part of me that misses her.

How would I describe my late wife?  After 27 years of being widowed, many of the little things she used to have faded into the fog of lost memories.  Yet, I can still remember her saying things such as EN-Double A-ESS-T-EYE, and letting out her inner child much more often than I could. Yes, she didn't know how to cope with things at her office, as it was a small business that didn't bother with obeying important business rules, such as having a non-smoking office.  At the end of her life, she was angry because she was the only non-smoker in the office, and the only one that suffered with cancer in that office.

I'll never be sure how much she loved me, or whether she stayed with me because she feared that she'd have no place to go if she left me. I know that her problems  with money triggered my insecurities, and frustrated me until the day she died. Yet, I find it ironic that I may have more female clothes than she did when she died - and that I gave away 12-16 bags of those clothes to a local charity when she died.  I think she would have a big laugh if she were to see me and that closet today.

The other day, I made a short mention of my late wife to Vicki #1, and she went off into a diatribe on how my wife may not have grown with me, how we might have gone into couples' therapy and failed at it, and so on.  It was not what I wanted to hear, as I wasn't in the mood to be convinced that my life is better because my wife died - I know that, and felt a little sad because it is so.  I was simply subconsciously reminded of her, and reacting to that stimulus.

Yet, I'll always wonder now and then - what would have happened if my wife had lived?  And this is where Vicki and I agree - the odds are that we would have gotten divorced, and that I would have approached new relationships with a certain lack of trust. Could this be why certain divorced women are attracted to me as a friend?  Who knows?  But I don't think I'd be able to have my relationship with RQS if I had been divorced.  I needed the assumption of goodwill that only being widowed can bring to a potential relationship.

If there is something after death, I only hope that my late wife is having a good laugh seeing how my life has progressed so far....