Buying a new Refrigerator

I might have mentioned that I have a refrigerator that's on the fritz.  Although the freezer is working perfectly, the main compartment is unable to keep things cool enough for safety.  Something is wrong, and I cannot fix it.  So, I am replacing the unit before I have to throw away everything in the freezer.  (Even then, I still expect that I might have to toss some stuff because it's been stored too long.)

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Instead of car shopping, the first task of the day was to drive to the store where we made the salesman's day.  After telling him what we wanted, we were escorted to the appliances department where we were shown a group of refrigerators.  I asked only one question: Of all of these brands, which is the most reliable?  He answered that the Frigidaire was the most reliable, and I made my choice: Today's version of the same refrigerator that is in my apartment.  It was likely the quickest sale he'd make all week - and the week had barely started.

After this, RQS and I drove to Walmart to pick up some cheap Styrofoam coolers in which I could store freezer food while the new refrigerator is being installed.  If I'm lucky, it'll be cold enough for these containers to be left on my fire escape landing while the old refrigerator is taken out and the new one is put in its place.  By the time we were done, it was time to go to the train station to drop her off.

Once back home, it was time to rest before changing into Marian mode and going to a meetup in Mamaroneck.  Since this town was part of my old stomping grounds from where I worked for 25 years, I knew how to get to the restaurant quickly.  And yet, I was still late.  YGD had texted me to find out whether I was coming or not, even though I had left a message in the meetup's comment area that I might be late.  But I got there shortly after the text had been sent.

Once done with my meal, it was time to go home.  Luckily, I was on the road by 7:30 pm, as by 9:00 pm, I was out for the night.  Sleep was my companion for the evening, and with a brief awakening around 11:30 pm to get up to go to the bathroom and then to bed, I was out until the next morning.....

Forgetfulness

 

One thing many seniors notice as we age is that we have a harder time recalling things.  I fear extreme memory loss, as I would lose many of the emotional skills I've developed since I was middle aged.  

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We all have times where a word takes time to come to mind, where other mental pathways need to be used to access the right word to communicate an idea. As we get older, many of us get up and forget for a minute why we did so.  Given that people close to me have suffered with dementia, I can say that is one of my least favorite ways that I could progress to meeting my maker.

So, what does this have to do with being transgender?

Well, if I go too much further down my path, I could be in a situation where my body doesn't match what mind tells me I am at the current moment.  In the extreme case, I could see a totally feminized version of me thinking I was male, only because that is how I identified while younger.  That would be a form of hell for me and the people who would take care of me.

These are the type of thoughts that slow me in my path towards femininity.  If I were in my 20's with years to reprogram my mind, I wouldn't worry much.  However, I am in my mid 60's, and realize how important mental imprints are when a person ages.  In senility, the oldest memories are the ones that go last.  And this is what can keep me up at night.

Sometimes, one has to take a break to think a little

 

My original plan for this Sunday was to get up and get out of the house by noon, so that we could visit one or two car dealerships (Mazda & Subaru) to close out the weekend.  Well, that didn't happen, because we decided to stay indoors and not brave the cold.

However, I found that I might need to buy a new refrigerator soon, and I must start preparing for that day.  It's amazing how much food I have stored in the freezer, and how much I'll have to either store at a friend's place (or eat) before the ice box dies.  Luckily, I can afford to replace the refrigerator right now.  But I'm hoping that I can empty the old ice box before it dies.

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As I write this, I am watching "The Doors" on Amazon.  It's a good film, but it makes me feel sad.  No one would do an intervention for him, and he was a walking time bomb ready to destroy himself at any moment.  It seems like great musicians die of car crashes, plane crashes, drug overdoses, or gunshot wounds.  An unnatural death for a musician, as I like to put it, is to die in one's sleep at a very old age.  But why is this so?  I think greatness in the arts is often counterbalanced with a sickness in the soul that comes out in unhealthy behaviors.

I look at myself in my former career.  My greatest achievements took place when I was fighting off my worst demons.  When I started to get my act together and heal my soul, I got less interested in what I was doing. By the end of that career, I was just going through the motions - I'd been there and done that.

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I consider myself lucky.  Although I have lost most of my passion, I have peace of mind.  And this allows me to have a healthy relationship with RQS.  I am very thankful for that. And I am also very thankful that she accepts me for who and what I am, as most women would be scared of being in a relationship with a transgender person.

Car Shopping - Weekend #3

 

The above picture is an ad produced for a New York City area bank (which I ended up working for a few years after this ad campaign).  They wanted to show the public that they would lend money on any major car brand, then: Ford, Chevy, AMC, Chrysler, and Volkswagen.  Although more brands have appeared in the American market in the past 50 years, the process of buying a car is just as frustrating now as it was when I bought my first car.

This weekend, I wanted to take test rides in 3 cars: The Subaru Crosstrek, the Honda HR-V, and the Mazda CX-30.  Although all 3 would be good choices, I am leaning towards choosing either the Crosstrek or the HR-V.  Both are excellent cars, and both have all the options I want for a similar price.  RQS leans towards the Crosstrek because of its display.  I'm still torn between the two due to my prior experience with the Honda brand.  What I see as an advantage with the Subaru is equaled by my experience with my Honda Civic.

On Friday, I picked up RQS at the station, and we test drove a Subaru.  I was pleasantly surprised how good this car felt.  It was a car which I wouldn't be bumping my head into the door frame upon entering the car - and I like that.  Although a 15 minute drive is way too short to evaluate a car, it was enough for me to make it my number 2 (or even my number 1) pick. At the end of this test drive, I knew I needed to drive this car again before making a final decision.

Saturday came, and we didn't get out of the house until mid afternoon.  Our first stop was at a Honda dealership to drive the HR-V.  And RQS was equally impressed with this car.  It seems like this is an extremely popular model, as this model seems to be sold as quickly as it is delivered to the dealership. Once done with this dealership, we ended up at another Honda dealership.  This time, they had no HR-Vs in stock for me to drive.  In fact, half of the cars in this dealer's showroom were used cars.  How this dealership makes money I'll never know.

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I made an offer to DCD that he could buy my current car for book value.  Given that the car has over 200k miles on it, but has been well maintained, DCD figures the value to be about $2,500.  Since I am not going to be holding a note on this car, I wanted a check for this amount if I were to sell him the car.  Today, I found out that he is not able to get this amount of money from his bank, "The bank of Mom".  So, I guess I'll end up letting the dealer take my old car off my hands.

In the end, I expect to be $33k poorer than I am now, but with a car that's safer to drive.  The only questions are: (1) Which car will I choose, and (2) When will I drop the hammer on the deal?

Dinner with Vicki and RQS

 

This is not where we ate the other day.  But I'd have loved to eat here, just for the outdoor ambiance. Vicki, RQS and I agreed to meet at one of our usual go-to places, Lefteris Gyro for a dependable good meal.

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RQS and I had been car shopping all day when a woman who I met in Marian mode called.  I made the mistake of answering the phone in Mario mode, and then RQS came on the line and fouled things up a little.  I'll bet that this spooked the woman who could have become a friend before I had the chance to mention my TG nature.  When I called her back later on, I found that her voice mail response hadn't been updated since 2021.  

Around 7 pm, we met at Lefteris, and  had a good meal.  Vicki may have been a little surprised to see me in Mario mode, but that was because I had been in Mario mode to do car shopping. Our conversation got a little animated (not in a nasty way), as Vicki and I both have strong opinions and needed to express them as part of our conversation.  Of course, this might have disturbed a couple at the table next to us (they were giving Vicki weird looks), but it didn't matter to us.  We ended up being the last people to leave the place, and we left a good tip to make up for taking up a table for over 2 hours.

On the whole, it was a nice way to finish up the day, and I'd like to do this again soon....

Valentine's Day - Only the weather at first was cold

 

I won't say too much about Valentine's Day, save that I went to RQS's place and went out for dinner.  Well, I kept joking that I'd made reservations for two at a restaurant called "Der Weissen Schloss".  She knew my joke - I would never participate in White Castle's Valentine's Day gimmick, as that would kill a relationship.

RQS knew what I had gotten her as a gift.  But I didn't know what her gift would be.  I was pleasantly surprised by her gift - a pair of earrings, golden hoops to be exact.  She more than accepts me as Marian!  YAY!   I can't wait to wear these earrings for her someday soon.

RQS and I left for dinner around 6.  We had originally planned to go to an Italian restaurant 10 minutes away by bus.  With the cold, we decided to eat at a Thai restaurant a few blocks away from her house.  One problem - the place was closed.  So we tried a local Italian joint, and they couldn't seat us until 9 pm.  That wasn't a realistic choice.  So we walked to a nearby Indian/Nepali joint.  Although the food was good, it was not to my taste - I would prefer to try another Indian place if one was available.

By the time we got home, we were both cold and tired.  Blame the weather on that....  

Precious Time and Bucket Lists

 

When I was younger, I sometimes felt like there were never enough hours in the day.  Although I feel this less and less as I get older, I find that there are not enough days in the week.  Today was occupied by two things: Shoveling my car out from the snow, and a co-op board meeting to be held in the evening.  As I get older, I dislike shoveling snow more and more, and would prefer to have a garage where I can put my car in case of bad weather.  

Why might you ask that I'm complaining of not having enough time?

The answer is simple.  The older we get, the less time we have to spend.  And, we're also fighting the body's normal decay process as well.  I have less energy to spend on things, which means that it takes me more time to do the things I could do in less time when younger.

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Knowing that I have only so much time left to me makes me think - what do I want to do with the rest of the good years of my life?  The process of answering that question also spends a portion of the time I have left to me.  Although my apartment is a mess (being perfectly tidy is a low priority for me), I still want the creature comforts that money can buy for me - such as a working range hood fan over my stove.  Being serious, I've already generated a bucket list of things to do and see.  Yet, like in the movie, the Bucket List, I've found that many of the things must be done by more than one person, including the completion of that list.

I consider myself lucky that RQS has been with me for the past 2 years, as I have a companion for that ride into old, old age.  And I feel that she feels the same way about me, especially when I have opened her up to new possibilities in life.  Yet, I don't think that either of us will complete the things we want to do on our bucket lists.  There is only so much time, and it becomes more precious every day.

Fortunately, I am out to the world in regard to being transgender.  This takes a big load off of my mind. Overcoming the fear of wondering what people might think made it easier to pursue other things on the bucket list with much less fear, as I have found that most of us worry about many things needlessly.  If we were to ask ourselves "what's the worst thing that could reasonably happen?" in a given situation might free us up to do things we might not otherwise do.  Heck, I've had to deal with a stolen wallet last year, and I was able to recover from it.  Many of us have had to deal with broken limbs, or worse.  Yet, we recovered.  So, if these are the worst things that could happen, why not try to check off items on your bucket list before it's too late to do so?

I'd love to see your opinions on this....