It's amazing - Life keeps throwing curveballs, and I keep fouling them off.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I'm a woman on the home front during the war years.  Yes, I have my female friends to comfort me, but the men that remained stateside all have problems not worth dealing with.  Today, I decided to write a message to DCD, telling him how I felt about him, as well as his relationships with others.  This message reads as follows:

DCD -  

Your ex contacted me first to find out where you were one day, as she couldn't reach you for a Friday shift. She then got into telling me how you were chronically late for shifts, and that you got fired from the job at the YMCA. She noted that she's moved on with her life, and wants you gone from her place. Yet, the other day, she came home and found you curled up on her bed. I have no objective way to know exactly what is going on with you and her, but it is unhealthy for you to live at her place or to even use her house as your mailing address. 

While on the subject of mailing addresses, she noted that you have had several P.O. boxes, that you have stopped paying, and that a lot of mail never reaches you. I know that you have changed your phone numbers several times, possibly because bill collectors are trying to reach you. In one case, they tried to send a service notice at her place, but you were not there. My advice to both of you is to cut the umbilical cord that holds you two together and start living your own independent lives.

Your ex made me aware of the fact that she told you not to call for assistance when your car ran out of gas, but to walk to the gas station and get a gallon or two to fill up the car. You didn't, and the car was taken from you. Can you bail the car out? Without income, I doubt it. I guess I will be on your long list of creditors, as you are already 6 months behind in payments. And without transportation, you will likely never be able to pay me back - like others who have tried to help you.

You need to ask for help. There are public shelters in Connecticut and New York. You are likely sick - the inoperable brain tumor for which you had radiation may be affecting your judgement. Get that help now, before you start spiraling down the path of helplessness and destitution. You have a habit of ignoring people's advice and going against their suggestions to prove you have good judgement - which you don't have. A while back, I asked you why you didn't try to get your child support lessened when you didn't have a pot to piss in. You didn't have a good answer. Right now, it is more important for you to only make commitments that you are certain to keep and not make those you only hope to keep if you are lucky. You should never have bought my car unless you were absolutely sure you could pay me back. Given your history, it'll be a miracle if you ever pay me back for the car. As they say - no good deed goes unpunished.
These comments are not meant to harm you. Instead, they are a last hope of getting you on a path where you seek help and get it, to rebuild yourself for the years you have left above ground. You can continue along this path of self-destruction. Or you can get help in rebuilding your life. The choice is yours. and only yours. You have burnt too many bridges among family and friends to get help from these sources. You may need to ask one last person (not me) to refer you to adult protective services for the help you need. But if you get that help, don't waste anyone's time. Start rebuilding your life., and take responsibility for your life and the decisions you make in it.

Marian

Well, I know he's a bit defensive, as I received the following:

I appreciate your support. As with my ex and her meaning, well, I get upset at the suppositions that are made. I may have burnt some bridges but I do not believe that my ex's or your knowledge base of my life gives you enough information to state that I have burnt so many bridges that I can not get get help from those resources. 

My wanting or not wanting to involve family and friends is a matter of my privacy and how I want to be seen by others. It disturbs me to have to explain this to you and as I have had to in past to my ex.

Defensive?  Yes.  And also a little upset, as I have called him to account for his own failings.  He's gone through a lot of shit in his life.  Yet, he has to learn to "Get Over It". Or simply, to climb his mountain of problems and conquer them.  One can either be a victim or survivor in life, it's all a matter of attitude.  DCD has to find that special power inside himself, harness it, and conquer all of his demons.  This isn't easy when you're approaching 60, and haven't a pot to piss in.

Did I handle things wrong?  I'm not sure.  Reading his response made me think that he's afraid to be honest with people.  He didn't challenge my core assumptions: that he is not able to handle responsibility that well, and that he needs help.

- - - - - -

Now, why did I say that I keep fouling off curve balls?

Well, the answer is simple.  The other day, my main credit card was compromised, and I'm finding it easier than expected (so far) to attach these accounts to a new credit card account. Today, I had to run out to several stores before a major snow storm arrives.  Couple all of this with having to think about DCD just before going away on a cruise, and it seems like I'm hanging on "at bat" as best I can.

Thank god for computerized fraud detection!

 

This is another short post, as I am tired and have to get up early in the morning to avoid an incoming snowstorm.  As I write this, I just got back to RQS's place after seeing a Broadway Play (more on that tomorrow), just in time for SNL's Weekend Update.  And shortly afterwards, RQS and I plan to go to bed, so that I can start getting up around 7 am.

- - - - - -

The highlight/low light of the day was figuring out how I will deal with the inability to use a now compromised credit card.A new card (with new account number) would be sent to me, but not before my upcoming cruise.  This will force me to spend a couple of hours updating the credit cards for all of my regular payments such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, Uber, etc. once I'm home.  One doesn't realize how many places where one uses a card for payments until one thinks of all the subscriptions and stored payment information that uses a selected account.

If the weather prediction wasn't for snow, I'd have planned on taking my time to go home.  Instead, I'll have to rush home and start on fixing things.  Keep your fingers crossed that no more accounts have been compromised.

It was 66 years ago today. (a short post)

 

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

(From "American Pie" by Don McLean.)

It's hard to believe that "The Music" died 66 years ago.  Much of Holley's music sounds as fresh today as when it was written - especially with modern arrangements.  Sadly, like musicians such as Glenn Miller, Otis Redding, Patsy Cline and Jim Croce, their careers were all cut short by airplane disasters.  Does this mean that I am afraid to fly?  No.  But I advocate for all musicians who want to be great to use surface travel whenever possible.

There are many great performers who have died way too soon.  Some by accidents, some by diseases, some by violent crimes, some by drug overdoses, and even (if it seems rare) of old age.  I can oly imagine the music that would have been made if Sam Cooke and John Lennon had not gotten shot.  I can only imagine what would have been created if Jim Morrison and Amy Winehouse had not abused drugs.  And, don't get me started thinking about all the artists we have lost in plane and car crashes.  When one lives his/her life in the public spotlight, one has a much higher chance of dying way too young.

Lately, the large conglomerates have been finding that it is cheaper to buy old media (old video and audio libraries) and repackage them for current consumption.  Today's musicians get almost nothing from recording contracts, as the payment per streamed song, movie, or TV show is so low.  TV Residuals are horrible for many. They get most of their money from performances and the sale of Merch. This is a shame, as new performers are having a much harder time breaking into the big leagues than they did when I was young.  In fact, my uncle (a 2-time award winner) could never have been a success today, as there are very few variety and comedy shows being made - everything seems to be a "reality" show these days.

 

So, if you like to see/hear certain performers, go out to see them and buy their Merch.  (Please note that I don't wear T-Shirts or buy that many CD's anymore.  But I will buy a book if one is displayed.  Blame that on being an old geezette who is trying to eliminate clutter from my apartment.)

An annoyance - just before I'm taking a cruise (a short post)

 

This is going to be a short post, as I don't know what to feel right now.

When I looked at my credit card account, I found a $2.00 charge that I couldn't explain.  I wasn't sure if it was a Patreon subscription I just selected.  But this evening, I got a message from my bank asking me to verify whether a transaction was authorized or not - it was not.  So now, I have to go through the headache of switching several auto pay charges from this closed account to the new account just opened for me.

I'm not going to worry about it right now.  I just hope that my other cards are not affected as well.  We'll see about that over the next few days.  Thankfully, this computer will have unlimited, non-streaming internet while on my upcoming cruise.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

DCD left the hospital, and again went to his ex's house.  His ex, N, texted me to say that she will drop DCD off at his mom's place in the morning, and let her deal with DCD's needs.

You can lead a person to work, but you can't make him think.

It'll have been 11 days so far....

 

By the time you read this, the Orange Snowflake will have been in office for 11 days.  I have my worries about this man and his worsening dementia, and the people who support him without question.  Will some people keep him in check?  Or, will he go F'ing nuts when power is restored to him?  Only time will tell.

Right now, people like Sarah McBride are biding their time until they have the power to change things.  It doesn't pay for her to challenge the GOP leadership to assert her rights.  But that time will come.  The GOP will eventually lose control of government, as they have done in the past.  For those of us who can blend in, my advice is to do so - but to be honest about who you are if anyone asks.  This might not be a viable option for many deep in a red state.  But it has always worked for me in the Hudson Valley and elsewhere.

The Orange Snowflake knows nothing about how tariffs work, nor does he have a firm grasp on anything essential to the running of government, save to put "Yes Men" with major flaws in positions of power.  He can not afford to have anyone challenge him - especially with the 25th amendment in mind. When confronted by one friendly reported on who would pay the tariffs he proposes, he acts like China (and other countries) would pay to sell their goods here without affecting the purchasing price paid by the American consumer.  The problem here is that he wants to use a machete when a surgeon's scalpel is called for.  Do we need high tariffs on European goods, where wages and other costs are similar to that in North America?  Yet, it would make sense to have high tariffs on Chinese goods, considering their low wages, and the use of Uighurs as slave labor. Universally low tariffs have caused the decline of American manufacturing, as it was cheaper to export jobs to nations with low wages and few worker protections.  In short, a broken clock can be right twice each day, and the Orange Snowflake's idea of tariffs shouldn't be dismissed out of hand - it should be refined by professionals, so that the right approach is used by the US.

I expect that the Justice Department to be politicized.  The Snowflake doesn't care about justice.  He wants revenge against his perceived enemies.  I'll be watching the news to see if he goes after the January 6th committee, as well as anyone who opposed him.  Most people who read this blog know that I use an alias when communicating with the Transgender community.  This doesn't mean that I can't be found if someone wants to go after me.  Instead, it slows down any potential attack on me.

It is likely that some Transgender people will be persecuted by politicians who are also religious zealots.  They  may consider fleeing the country.  Although it is illegal to enter Canada without going through a legal checkpoint, our border is mostly unguarded.  There are towns (and buildings) that sit on the border.  If one feels that they might be targeted because of politics, one might consider finding a way to reach the border without leaving electronic bread crumbs.  No cell phones or late model cars would be safe in this attempt.  Remember, Abbie Hoffman stayed on the lam for years using the alias of "Barry Fried".  This might be a way to wait things out if things go sour in our country.

Remember - most people don't give a damn about us.  This will work for and against us.  Try to use that knowledge to your best advantage....

A day I should have done more things, but didn't

I had only one thing to take care of today, and I was lucky to even get that in because of how lazy I was feeling.  Did I really want to go out in the cold?  No!  But I had to pick up RQS's dress at the cleaner's, so that she'd have it onboard the cruise we'll be taking soon.  That forced me to get out of bed and get ready to go outside.  And today might be the last day I can spend even part of my time in Marian mode.

- - - - - -

The first thing I did upon waking up was to get my head together and figure out what I was going to do for the day.  One of the things on my list was to check in with DCD's ex to see if he made it back to her place.  (This would trigger her dumping him back at the hospital, saying that the man is homeless and has nowhere to live - her house was off limits.)  No news on that front.

Next, I expected a phone call from a firm which provides dietary and lifestyle coaching.  My doctor recommended this organization's services to me, saying that they could help me lose weight.  Given that I'm going on a cruise soon, I said that I'd look to start things up when I return from my upcoming cruise.

And then, I finally got showered and dressed to attack the world as Marian.  I wanted to wear my sweater dress.  But to do so, I needed to wear some thermal tights.  One problem.  The flannel tights I have are not control top tights.  So I felt that everything kept slipping down in back as I moved.  (Next time, I'll wear a pair of control top tights and put up with a little bit of the cold.)  Once dressed and made up, I was off to the tailor's to pick up the dress. The last time I was at this dry cleaning/tailoring shop, a different lady ran the place.  Now, the place looks more minimal than in the past, and the former proprietor was gone. This was a shame - I liked the former proprietor, and wished I could have struck up another conversation with her.

Not having any plans of where to go, it was off to Barnes and Noble to look at some books and kill time.  I knew that when I got home, that I would have to start packing for my upcoming cruise, as I had to drop off a large suitcase at RQS's place this weekend.  Arriving home, I found a package from Lane Bryant which contained matching panties for a nightie she gave me for Xmas.  I intend to wear the set for her when she's up here for Valentine's day.

Finally, I got around to packing.  This was my least favorite chore for the day, as I would have to be out and about as Mario for over a week.  At least, RQS and I agreed on the shore excursions we plan to take in San Juan.

The Co-Op, The Bank, and DCD - - screw ups and disasters.

 

Over the past 12 days, I have had a cough that won't go away. It has eased off a bit, and I am confident that it will be gone soon.  At my worst, I felt like the model above - as if some angry force had lodged itself in the back of my throat, and I had trouble coughing up the crap in my lungs.

- - - - - -

Today, I cancelled a meetup, as I wasn't in the mood to be with a large group for dinner.  Instead, I wanted to play it safe and stay home.  Given that I had to go to the bank to transfer money for my co-op, I was going to be stuck in Mario mode for the day.  There was no longer any need to change back to Marian for the evening, so I took this as an opportunity to get little things done, such as 2 loads of laundry.

My first stop was the bank.  I was tasked with transferring a sum of money from an expired CD to our savings account.  A manager said that I could go to a teller to perform this transfer, and I did so.  15 minutes later, the teller moved money in the wrong direction and asked for help.  So, I had to wait another 10 minutes for the manager, and then she took another 15-20 minutes to undo the teller's mistake and move money to its proper location.  And even then, the manager wasn't absolutely sure she did the right thing, saying that she'd call in the morning to confirm that the transaction was correct.

Now, I could go back home after a quick stop at the local pizzeria for lunch, and I rested until 7 pm when I started to do my laundry.  Just as I was about to put my clothes in the dryer, DCD's ex called.  N wanted to tell me a little more about what was going on.  When she got home from work, she found him curled up on her bed, looking like he was one of the homeless found in the NYC Subway.  She took him to the local hospital, as something was very wrong, and left him there.  She told me of a second, inoperable tumor that was found in DCD's brain, and the radiation therapy DCD went through.  After his first brain surgery, radiation therapy, and the COVID epidemic, DCD was no longer the same person N fell in love with.  Now, all N wants is for DCD to be a ward of the state, so that someone better capable than her would take responsibility to see DCD is cared for.

I was able to finish my laundry and fold it before I called RQS.  I have yet to pack for my upcoming cruise.  That will have to wait until tomorrow morning.