Thoughts about a friend and her husband

 

I had lunch with a friend the other day, and noticed that she may be a little divorced from an objective reality.  A society needs objective rules to function, even if it means that some actions automatically give the wrong person the benefit of the doubt in legal issues.

My friend has been married for over 25 years.  She has been with this man through thick and thin.  One of the trouble spots in their relationship was when he was stopped by a cop and charged with a DWI (Driving While Intoxicated).  This caused him to lose his license for 3 years, and for my friend to drive him to and from work, all while going to work herself.  At that time, she told me that she'd divorce him if he ever was stopped for DWI again.  (Most of their property is in her name alone.)  She wasn't going to judge him - if he was out drinking and needed a ride, she'd pick him up - no questions asked.

Normally, when someone gets his/her license back and that person stays clean, there is no problem.  Things go back to a new normal, and the person has learned from his/her error.  (Or, that's the way things aught to be.)  Yet, there are some lingering consequences to a DWI that most Americans don't bump into until they travel to foreign lands....

Cruising has become my main way of recharging my batteries.  This friend would love to go on an Alaskan cruise with her husband.  But there is one problem - his DWI.  Canada considers a DWI to be a felony, and will not (in general) let Americans even travel through their country if they have a DWI. So, how does this affect my friend and her husband?  As I mentioned to her, her husband would have to apply for an exemption in advance of cruising through Canada,  For most people, this would not be a problem.  They recognize that laws are laws, and each nation has a right to set its own standards for how people are expected to behave and who is admitted to that country or not. . 

Most people consider that DWI and DUI (Driving Under the Influence) standards have to be objectively applied.  If a person drives while over the blood alcohol limit, he/she is considered to cause an accident if one occurs.  (The accident would not have occurred had the DWI driver not been on the road.)  My friend objects to this, as she claims that her husband drives safely - even after a few drinks. 

Unfortunately, my friend will not be able to take the Alaskan cruise that she and her husband would like to go on.  He would refuse to apply for an exemption to be able to travel through Canada.  She supports him, as she believes that the objective standard noted above shouldn't apply to someone like her husband.  Sadly, their pride gets in the way of reality - sometimes, one has to admit that one has been wrong, in order to overcome the penalties of doing wrong.

It'll have been 11 days so far....

 

By the time you read this, the Orange Snowflake will have been in office for 11 days.  I have my worries about this man and his worsening dementia, and the people who support him without question.  Will some people keep him in check?  Or, will he go F'ing nuts when power is restored to him?  Only time will tell.

Right now, people like Sarah McBride are biding their time until they have the power to change things.  It doesn't pay for her to challenge the GOP leadership to assert her rights.  But that time will come.  The GOP will eventually lose control of government, as they have done in the past.  For those of us who can blend in, my advice is to do so - but to be honest about who you are if anyone asks.  This might not be a viable option for many deep in a red state.  But it has always worked for me in the Hudson Valley and elsewhere.

The Orange Snowflake knows nothing about how tariffs work, nor does he have a firm grasp on anything essential to the running of government, save to put "Yes Men" with major flaws in positions of power.  He can not afford to have anyone challenge him - especially with the 25th amendment in mind. When confronted by one friendly reported on who would pay the tariffs he proposes, he acts like China (and other countries) would pay to sell their goods here without affecting the purchasing price paid by the American consumer.  The problem here is that he wants to use a machete when a surgeon's scalpel is called for.  Do we need high tariffs on European goods, where wages and other costs are similar to that in North America?  Yet, it would make sense to have high tariffs on Chinese goods, considering their low wages, and the use of Uighurs as slave labor. Universally low tariffs have caused the decline of American manufacturing, as it was cheaper to export jobs to nations with low wages and few worker protections.  In short, a broken clock can be right twice each day, and the Orange Snowflake's idea of tariffs shouldn't be dismissed out of hand - it should be refined by professionals, so that the right approach is used by the US.

I expect that the Justice Department to be politicized.  The Snowflake doesn't care about justice.  He wants revenge against his perceived enemies.  I'll be watching the news to see if he goes after the January 6th committee, as well as anyone who opposed him.  Most people who read this blog know that I use an alias when communicating with the Transgender community.  This doesn't mean that I can't be found if someone wants to go after me.  Instead, it slows down any potential attack on me.

It is likely that some Transgender people will be persecuted by politicians who are also religious zealots.  They  may consider fleeing the country.  Although it is illegal to enter Canada without going through a legal checkpoint, our border is mostly unguarded.  There are towns (and buildings) that sit on the border.  If one feels that they might be targeted because of politics, one might consider finding a way to reach the border without leaving electronic bread crumbs.  No cell phones or late model cars would be safe in this attempt.  Remember, Abbie Hoffman stayed on the lam for years using the alias of "Barry Fried".  This might be a way to wait things out if things go sour in our country.

Remember - most people don't give a damn about us.  This will work for and against us.  Try to use that knowledge to your best advantage....

Now, I have to find a different gift for RQS.

 

Recently, I tested the waters with RQS about the cruise I was going to gift her.  She had a reaction similar to mine as if I were sailing solo - getting on a cruise that sails to 3 mediocre locations and not getting off the ship is not a cruise worth going on.  So, I'll have to figure out what I want to give her within the next two or three weeks or so.

The talk about the cruise we won't take got us talking about a cruise we might take - a 7 night Eastern Canada / New England cruise sometime next year.  The cruise we're interested in will sail out of Boston and make port in two places we've never been to before - Sydney, NS and Eastport, ME.  Eastport is the one place from which we'd take a shore excursion - to a US national park in Canada!  You might be asking, how could a US national park be in Canada?  The answer is simple, Campobello is a piece of Canada only accessible from the USA, and FDR's vacation home was on this island.  So, both nations have made the Roosevelt home and grounds a national park, and both nations maintain it.

So my big question is: What should I get RQS for Xmas?

Rambling on a little....

 

When I have no urgent commitments for the day, I tend to do nothing.  Today, I did it well.  My energy levels usually don't start rising until the afternoon.  And then, it's often too late to do much of anything. This was my day today. With that being said, I still got around to doing a little reading - something I don't make enough time to do. 

One of the things I usually put off doing is laundry.  Most of us tend to put this task off until we have enough whites or colors to fill a basket, and do the laundry one load at a time.  Living in an apartment, I have to do the laundry within a certain time period during the day, and it's not convenient for me. So, it's a task I put off until I have no choice but to take care of it.  And that will be the first thing I do tomorrow.

Like many procrastinators, I tend to put off certain tasks that I hate doing.  In my case, it's dealing with people.  I have to figure out how to get rid of a sofa, and feel much more comfortable communicating with emails, than to pick up a phone and talk with a human.  (Could it be a fear of having "no" told to me?  Or, is it a simple case of ambivalence?  Who knows?)  I did make a call to the Salvation Army to see if they could accept a donation of my sofa, and if they could pick it up.  Unfortunately, their phone system has people call a central number, which then gets forwarded to a regional site - and that site was busy.  No provision was made to take a message.  Then, I sent an email to a local outlet of Habitat for Humanity to ask the same question .  And this time, I got a response - the person I need to reach won't be back until after the holiday.  Until I know how and when my sofa will leave this apartment, I can't buy its' replacement.  AARGH!!!!

Given everything, I shouldn't be in a rush to spend money.  I have bills coming in, and I shouldn't touch my 401k unless I need to do so.  At least, I have this option, where many people my age don't have my resources.  Right now, I have 4 known big ticket expenses to plan for:

1. New Car
2. New Sofa
3. New Mattress
4. Norway Cruise
   

Of these, I only plan to finance the car with a bank loan - everything else will be paid for out of current income or savings.  But, I won't get financing from a dealer.  Most can't be trusted as far as one can spit.  If I see anything questionable on the deal, I will walk away - as I did last year when a dealer in Goshen, NY decided to hide a bogus $900 charge in the contract. 

You'll notice that I've said nothing about my partner or being transgender.  As I've noted elsewhere, this blog chronicles my life. Being trans or having a partner are only parts of my life.  But I do take interest in current events involving the transgender community, such as Canada's recent advisory to those in the LGBTIQ community in regard to visiting the USA.  It's sad to know that our Northern Neighbor would protect my rights more than my country would protect mine....

A Busy Evening

 

As usual, I didn't do a thing all day - until evening came.  And then, I became active.  If the world started to wake up to get most activity done at night, I'd be in perfect sync with the world. But the world revolves around its axis, and not mine....

I was awake a little earlier than usual, but stayed inside my apartment until I had to get ready for dinner with my friend from the meetup group. When I left the house, it smelled like there was a fire nearby.  It's hard to believe that forest fires in Canada are causing the air pollution we're having in the Northeast lately.  It's even harder to believe that the particulates are enough for us to need to wear our masks again. But that day is here.

Reaching my friend, it took us a while to order dinner.  And then we discussed her wishes to change careers.  I'm not sure if she's going to make it, as she has a speech pattern that belies a slower intelligence for many people. But who am I to say?  It was a good conversation, and I think I was able to help her.  I'll find out when I get back from my vacation.

All too quickly, dinner was over, and it was time to go home.  Like a cisgender woman, I couldn't wait to take my bra off.  But it was going to be on for another 3 hours or so, as I was about to have a zoom chat with the friends from Texas with whom RQS and I are going to spend a long weekend in Chicago. So, I made it home, turned on my computer and waited....

Around 8 pm, the zoom started.  It was good that RQS is now a member of our chats, as it helps make her a 4th wheel for our group, having a good balance and moving forward to a good clip.  (How should I make a 4th wheel metaphor work when describing something that works well?)  Once we were done with the zoom, RQS and I had our usual daily chat. And then, it was to bed for the night.

Thoughts about Gender Non-Conforming Travel

 

One of the things that a transgender person might like to do is travel.  However, when the name and image on one's legal identification does not match that expected for one's gender presentation, this can get a person into a lot of trouble.  There is still a lot of prejudice against us out there, and I have been a worry wart about going places where I might not be welcome.

- - - - - -

I live in a relatively liberal area of the United States.  Yet, there are many people who would hate me simply for being transgender.  The closer to coastal metropolitan areas one is in this country, the more likely it is that transgender people are accepted.  (This doesn't mean that we don't suffer due to societal prejudices.  It simply means that most people tend to respect our rights as human beings.)  The further away one gets, the less we are accepted and the more we are subject to discrimination (and worse). So, I have learned to be very careful about travel outside my region, as I could get killed if I am in the wrong region.

Now, I've been told that I would be relatively safe in the Dallas, TX area.  But I can't be sure of this.  So I will avoid seeing my friends in the Dallas area until I look more feminine than I currently do.  Yes, I'd love to meet my friend Stephanie again, but it will be much more difficult now that I have RQS in my life.  Kim (of Traveling Transgender) has had few problems with her interstate travel (from the Austin, TX area), flying across the country on her business trips.  Sadly for her, she doesn't travel as much anymore, and she no longer posts about her exploits.

When I had FCP as a cruise partner, I had the pleasure of beginning to cross national boundaries while in gender non-conforming presentation.  At first, I worried about how people would treat me on the cruise, and I found that there was nothing to worry about.  However, I didn't know how I'd be treated when I left the safety of the cruise ship and landed on foreign soil.  In Canada, I found that my rights were protected by law.  And on islands part of the EU (St. Martin), I had no problems as well.  Yet, I feared getting off the ship in places like St. Kitts, as they are hostile towards the LGBT community. So, I developed confidence in cruising, but realized that I had to do some research before getting off the ship at foreign ports.

Recently, I took a Hawaii cruise.  And this time, I heard the dreaded "S" word, instead of the welcomed "Ma'am".  This was not true in most cases.  But it was true where my ID came into use - such as at the airport.  Yet, people took my dress in stride, and treated me with respect.  Did this mean that my biological gender was not an issue?  Who knows?  But I had no problems with gender presentation on my last trip.

But what about future trips?

I am thinking of taking at least one of the following cruises next year:

1. Panama Canal, with stops in several Latin American countries, including Columbia.
2. Norway (and Iceland?), with routes within the EU and also Great Britain.

The stops on the first cruise concern me, as I need to do research before deciding to travel in Marian mode.  Are my rights protected in Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Panama, Columbia and other countries along the way?  Since Cartagena is a port that I want to visit, I need to know this as soon as possible.  Although I've reached out to Rhonda (of Rhonda's Escape), I've yet to hear from her about documentation she used in her travels.  Hopefully, I will be able to get more information from more sources regarding transgender travel to these ports, so that I can be safe when I make this trip.

In the future, I hope to do more and more of my travel as Marian - even if I have to preserve my Mario identity for purposes I've discussed elsewhere.  But to do so, I'll need more information, and I will document what I find out in this blog to make travel easier for the transgender people who follow me.

Beware of accidental misinformation from a "trusted" source

The other day, I realized that I was getting confused when trying to figure out the exact window in which I needed to take my proctored pre-cruise Covid test.  So, I called up NCL and I was told that I could take my test on Tuesday for a cruise that sailed on Friday.  Technically, he gave accurate advice, but not complete advice.  The Canadian government's site requires that the Covid test be taken within 72 hours of embarkation, not 3 days before embarkation as could be implied by reading all the materials at hand.  Given that I had scheduled my Covid test for 2:00 pm Tuesday and my embarkation was scheduled for 1:00 pm on Friday, I should have been OK.  But what about RQS?  Luckily, RQS read things a little differently than the person from NCL, and we both were able to schedule our Covid (PCR) tests for Wednesday, fulfilling Canadian requirements to the letter. This incident taught us NOT to rely on call center personnel who have been poorly trained to answer questions requiring subtlety of thought.  We will now be much more careful in dealing with issues such as this, and ask more questions ahead of time when we have to deal with seemingly ambiguous issues.

I'm hoping that this is the last headache for us before cruising together.  I'm sure of one thing: Both RQS and I will be writing complaint letters to the CEO of NCL.  Even if nothing gets done for us, these complaints do get passed on to appropriate parties to act on (or not act on).

Another short post - the non TG issue of the day,

Recently, I have looked afar at what is going on in Canada.  But the importance of what is going on North of the border has hit home - Anti-Vax truckers are protesting pandemic restrictions and vaccination mandates by blockading Toronto, and as a restult, causing shipping problems across 2 nations.  It's now getting impossible to ship goods over the Ambassador Bridge connecting Windsor, Ont with Detroit, MI.

One person I know has had to change suppliers for goods needed to run a business.  This person is afraid of what will go missing next because of the supply chain problems caused by these protesters.  Can you imagine if this protest starts "infecting" the USA, where truckers could paralyze major cities by blocking key interstates?  

This is the tip of an iceberg in many ways, and I wonder what is going to happen in the USA due to the Canadian strike.  I'll bet that we soon see issues with our own truckers, and it could have a domino effect here.

What do you think?

I'm thinking of booking another cruise before my Hawaii trip.

 

The above is a map showing the ports on a cruise I'm interested in taking.  Given the uncertainties of the cruise industry at the time I write this, I'm not sure of whether my Hawaii cruise will become a reality later this year.  Although I've been to 4 of the 6 ports before, I'd take this 10 day cruise on the NCL Joy so that I could visit Boston (again), and to visit the ports of Charlottetown and Sydney.  (I'd also gain the 10 Latitudes points I need to achieve Platinum status if my complaint to NCL isn't addressed properly.)

The last time I visited Boston, I was on a cruise with my former cruise partner.  She insisted that I hang out with her son and his girlfriend (now wife), while I wanted to go to the Union Oyster House and to see the USS Constitution. If I take this trip, I will likely be able to do both activities I wanted to do on my last trip to Boston AND get back to the cruise terminal in time to return home.  It'll be interesting trying to go through a military checkpoint with a male id, while presenting as a female.  (And it'll give me a good idea of what to expect when I visit Pearl Harbor, later in the year.)  

However, this is not the only trip I might take.  There is a 5 day Royal Caribbean cruise out of Bayonne that goes to Halifax (NS) and Saint John (NS).  That'd be a much cheaper cruise for me to take AND it would give me an idea of whether I'd cruise with RCCL in the future.  Yet, there is another cruise that really piques my interest - a 16 day Princess Cruise out of Brooklyn to Greenland, stopping at Halifax (NS), Sydney (NS), Nuuk (Greenland), Nanortalik (Greenland), Qaqortoq (Greenland), and St. Johns (NL) before returning home.  The latter cruise may be a budget buster, and would likely require that I travel as Mario.  Saint John (NB) and St. Johns (NL) are not to be confused with each other.  The city in New Brunswick is not that interesting.  But visitors to Newfoundland praise its town.  So this place will be on my list places to visit as I plan future cruises. 

Unfortunately, many of the cruises I plan to take will cost some serious coin.  But it's the price I have to pay to make up for lost travel time....