Guess what came in today....

 

Guess what I unexpectedly found on my doorstep today.   A box!!! 

But what could be in it?  You may ask....

Inside, I found two boxes like the one below:

 

 Hmmm...  This is getting interesting.  Could it be something useful?

So, I opened one of them, and saw the following goodies, plus an instruction sheet:

 

This looks amazingly familiar....

But what could it be?

 

Yes, miracles do happen!!!   It is the replacement control unit for  my air conditioner!  YAY!

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As you can see, some disassembly/assembly is required.  And I do not plan to do this while the NYC Tristate area can expect several days of 90+ weather.  So the boxes will sit for a while, waiting for a "cooler" day for me to work on this project.

 

Getting out and about as Marian

 

Like many transgender people, I was very nervous when I went out in female clothing for the first time.  To transmit femininity, I always erred on the feminine side of things.  But this wasn't always the best thing to do.  Like many people of our "tribe", I had to learn how to be comfortable in the feminine equivalents of male garments.  In short, I had to learn how to wear feminine trouser like garments that say "female" without overdoing it.

These days, you'll find me going out in a pair of women's slacks, with a feminine top.  It says "female" without having to shout it out loud.  In the ugly picture above, you'll note that I am wearing leggings under that top.  And they are comfortable.  Now if only I had the curves to do what I wear justice!  Depending on what I wear, I can look good - or, look like a watermelon packed into a sausage casing. Either way, I am not happy with my appearance.

In the end, none of us look as good as we hope to look, nor do we look as bad as we fear.  I live in an area that tolerates people like us as long as we do our best to blend in.  I'll never be that pretty, but I make my way around.  And that may be the most important thing....

Interesting Reads

 

 

I'd like to  describe the job I now will likely hold for a few more days (at least, until my immediate supervisor returns from her Hawaii vacation.)

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Unlike my position at the US Census, people at my current job see me as an oversized older woman named Marian.  Only one person in HR officially knows my legal identity is that of a male named Mario.  Most of the tasks in the office are highly repetitive.  For example, I did QC on scanned documents.  This meant that I scanned the documents for blank pages, poorly scanned images, and other flaws that would require operator intervention.  Now, I perform document indexing.  This means that I will inspect a document such as (Disciplinary Suspension of Rudolph Guiliani's License to Practice Law) and then enter indexing data into a database where this document resides.  In both cases, I had the opportunity to do a little more than just do my job.  I took the opportunity to learn things people wouldn't normally learn by keeping my eyes open - and then keep my mouth shut about the details of what information to which I once had access. (I'll never be able to talk about personal data I may have gathered as part of my duties at the Census Bureau, and I treat the non-public data I've seen on this job in the same way.)  Privately, I might say a little bit more than what I've mentioned here - but not much.  The reason I reference the disciplinary action taken against Rudy Guiliani is that this is a public document, something which has been published in the New York Times.

Unfortunately, I can not say much more than I have done so far.  It has been a good experience for me, as it has shown me some of my shortcomings and my limitations.  Since I expect to be leaving this job soon, I am glad that I have been there for 6 months (so far), and I wish them all the best luck going forward.

Three meetups in less than a week.

 

This isn't going to be a long post.  But it notes several things which have happened in the past few days.  Take them for what they are, and read into them what you will:

1. Sunday, I saw someone at a meetup who tried her best to keep me away from several meetup groups she claimed as her own.  It was a pleasant interaction, and went better than I expected.
2. Wednesday, I decided to drop into a meetup where my "Hiking Partner" from Thursday night games was there for Trivia night.  I only wish I could have gotten there earlier.
3. Thursday, I went to a new meetup held on City Island.  It's been over 25 years since I've been to this restaurant, and the food was good enough to want to return much sooner than that.

In all cases, I went to these meetups in Marian Mode, and it was easier for me (and the group) for me to appear as a female.  At the Sunday meetup, I was surprised that one person complimented me on my dress AND noted that I looked happier than I've looked in a while.  (Compliments will go far with me. 😃)

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Over time, I've developed a more natural manner being out and about as Marian.  I'm hoping that newly out transgender folk can see my posts and learn from my hard experience....

Not yet ready

 

When I look at this face, all I can say is that I didn't look "ready for prime time".  I had someone cruising with me who was blind to the risks I'd face if I went on-shore at the wrong ports.  If I had had her with me when I cruised to some Eastern Caribbean ports a year or two later, I'd have been in big trouble.  The rules for LGBT travelers advise us to avoid these islands like the plague, because we (by our nature) are breaking their laws and their taboos.

So when I registered for a recent meetup, I wondered if a recent pattern would hold - would my ex-girlfriend continue to avoid me if I were to attend the same meetup?  If we attended the meetup, what would happen?  I had a lot to worry about, but all for naught.  It was a pleasant interaction - even though I was in Marian mode.  (It makes me wonder why she made all the big fuss about "owning" the meetup groups in the first place.  But that's another story.)

Why do I mention all of this?  Well, none of us are ever fully ready to take on needed challenges in life. If we are able to be fully prepared, then some things will no longer be a challenge to us.  I didn't think I'd be ready to see my ex, and it went off smoothly.  (Given the arguments we had after the breakup, a lot of things could have happened.)  But most of all, my feminine presentation is still far from perfect.  If I had waited until I was fully ready to go out as Marian, I'd still be in the closet.

Life is all about taking chances.  To live well, one must break out of one's cocoon and become a butterfly.  It's time to do so....

 

A date with my niece

 

As you can see, my niece is fully masked up.  In an age where we finally got an "all clear" for being vaccinated, there are enough A--holes in our society that are putting the rest of us at risk by remaining unvaccinated.  She can't wait for the day that she will no longer need the mask, and that she and her husband can visit this country together.

My niece usually puts her friends first, and tries to squeeze her aunt/uncle in as free time permits.  Today was no different.  So when I received her text telling me that we could meet after work, I jumped at the chance to do so.  However, I would have to go home to change into something comfortable and feminine before seeing her in NYC.  And this delayed my arrival at the Rubin museum, as I arrived there shortly after 7:30 pm.  (The museum is usually open until 10, so even an 8:15 ticket time is quite reasonable.)

While waiting for our tickets to be valid for admission, I mentioned many things regarding what I plan to do with my assets when I pass away.  (Hopefully not for a long time....)  And she knows NOT to let my brother into my place until it has been purged of things I don't want him to know about (yet).  She was surprised when I told her about a conversation I recently had with my ex, and she noted - why should I still bother with her, given the way she treated me last year?  (She is wise beyond her years.) And I noted - in spite of everything, I'd sill like to be friends.  Not the excessive intimacy (non physical) that my former cruise partner and I once had, but someone who I can chat with and occasionally have as an activity partner.  However, I doubt that this will happen, as the ex-girlfriend tends to avoid social events I plan to attend.

My niece and I  walked through the museum, and marveled that there is so much beautiful art in one place.  However, the focus on this category of Asian art (Himalyayas and Tibet) is very different from Chinese and Japanese art.  It seems to focus on the temporary nature of life and the impermanence of things in this world.  Things that Westerners may see as sexual may be seen as a unity of all "forces" of nature to the cultures of these areas.

All too soon, our evening had to end.  We walked back to Penn Station, where she had to rush off to a train.  I picked up some grub there, as I knew that nothing would be open at Grand Central.  And I was right....

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One thing I will comment on in a future post is a transgender person living in her authentic gender tends to live a relatively boring life once she isn't switching gender presentations on a daily basis.  With the exception of putting on a wig, shaving my body hair off, and wearing chest prosthesis, most of my life is that of a typical female.  No, I will never have the natural plumbing of a typical female.  But that's OK.  I am not looking to reproduce.  Yet, it would be interesting if someone called me pretty....

I'll miss my friends in Texas

 

I was supposed to catch up with my friends in Texas, but forgot all about it.  I'll miss both SB and JS, as they helped me get through the worst of the pandemic with their Zoom Meetups.  Sadly, all good things come to an end.  But this time, I know that all of us are in better places now than we were 15 months ago.

Do I want to see them in person?  Yes, but my problem is that I am transgender, and that Texas is not friendly to people of my ilk.  There may be some places I can safely go, as Kim from Traveling Transgender may attest, but Texas is a whole other place.  She has documented many of her travels in the past.  However, she hasn't been doing many flights while pretty these days.  (At the time I write this, her last blog post was over 7 months ago.)  I miss her adventures. 

Maybe I should write her for advice?