Thoughts about Gender Non-Conforming Travel

 

One of the things that a transgender person might like to do is travel.  However, when the name and image on one's legal identification does not match that expected for one's gender presentation, this can get a person into a lot of trouble.  There is still a lot of prejudice against us out there, and I have been a worry wart about going places where I might not be welcome.

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I live in a relatively liberal area of the United States.  Yet, there are many people who would hate me simply for being transgender.  The closer to coastal metropolitan areas one is in this country, the more likely it is that transgender people are accepted.  (This doesn't mean that we don't suffer due to societal prejudices.  It simply means that most people tend to respect our rights as human beings.)  The further away one gets, the less we are accepted and the more we are subject to discrimination (and worse). So, I have learned to be very careful about travel outside my region, as I could get killed if I am in the wrong region.

Now, I've been told that I would be relatively safe in the Dallas, TX area.  But I can't be sure of this.  So I will avoid seeing my friends in the Dallas area until I look more feminine than I currently do.  Yes, I'd love to meet my friend Stephanie again, but it will be much more difficult now that I have RQS in my life.  Kim (of Traveling Transgender) has had few problems with her interstate travel (from the Austin, TX area), flying across the country on her business trips.  Sadly for her, she doesn't travel as much anymore, and she no longer posts about her exploits.

When I had FCP as a cruise partner, I had the pleasure of beginning to cross national boundaries while in gender non-conforming presentation.  At first, I worried about how people would treat me on the cruise, and I found that there was nothing to worry about.  However, I didn't know how I'd be treated when I left the safety of the cruise ship and landed on foreign soil.  In Canada, I found that my rights were protected by law.  And on islands part of the EU (St. Martin), I had no problems as well.  Yet, I feared getting off the ship in places like St. Kitts, as they are hostile towards the LGBT community. So, I developed confidence in cruising, but realized that I had to do some research before getting off the ship at foreign ports.

Recently, I took a Hawaii cruise.  And this time, I heard the dreaded "S" word, instead of the welcomed "Ma'am".  This was not true in most cases.  But it was true where my ID came into use - such as at the airport.  Yet, people took my dress in stride, and treated me with respect.  Did this mean that my biological gender was not an issue?  Who knows?  But I had no problems with gender presentation on my last trip.

But what about future trips?

I am thinking of taking at least one of the following cruises next year:

1. Panama Canal, with stops in several Latin American countries, including Columbia.
2. Norway (and Iceland?), with routes within the EU and also Great Britain.

The stops on the first cruise concern me, as I need to do research before deciding to travel in Marian mode.  Are my rights protected in Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Panama, Columbia and other countries along the way?  Since Cartagena is a port that I want to visit, I need to know this as soon as possible.  Although I've reached out to Rhonda (of Rhonda's Escape), I've yet to hear from her about documentation she used in her travels.  Hopefully, I will be able to get more information from more sources regarding transgender travel to these ports, so that I can be safe when I make this trip.

In the future, I hope to do more and more of my travel as Marian - even if I have to preserve my Mario identity for purposes I've discussed elsewhere.  But to do so, I'll need more information, and I will document what I find out in this blog to make travel easier for the transgender people who follow me.

Hawaii Vacation - Day 10: Waimea Canyon & the Na Pali coast

 

Waimea Canyon - when the weather is clear, it is stunningly beautiful.  However, I got there on a less than perfect day.  And it was still well worth the visit.

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This was a day that started by me waking up an hour earlier than desired.   This wasn't a problem, as I spent the time organizing my big suitcase for my return trip home.  If I do this trip with RQS, I will pack less stuff and flip a coin as to which gender presentation I use on the trip.  (When I get home, I'll say of word of thanks to Kim (of Travelling Transgender) for effectively telling me that I should have no problems presenting as female, but carrying male id.)

After leaving the ship, I was directed to an incorrect waiting area.  In a way, I was lucky this happened because I was one of the first on the bus and was able to choose a good seat.  But I felt a little sorry for the fellow who waited next to me, as little special care was taken to make it comfortable to get to and on the bus.

 

Once we got moving, we went to a small state park for a bio break.  While there, we could go to the fenced in area to view the blowhole associated with the park. Every few waves, we'd see the blowhole spout and this justified using the park for a bio break.  Before I go on, this was the first time I went to a stall in a women's room that did not reach 6 feet above the floor.  So I tried to be very careful about adjusting myself before leaving the stall.  Fortunately, I have developed enough confidence and skills in my feminine presentation (even in rest rooms) that I do not draw attention to myself.  So, I was in and out quickly, leaving enough time for the other ladies in the queue to take care of their needs. 

 

 

Next, it was off to Waimea Canyon state Park.  After an hour of driving we reached the park - and the views were well worth the time and effort to get there.  Of course, it was time for another bio break. And again, the stall only extended up to shoulder height.  I wasn't comfortable doing my business there, and was glad I was leaving my stall before the next woman entered the place.  So, I went up the "zig-zag" path to both viewing platforms, and I was impressed by the views of the canyon.  Although it was not as colorful as in the picture at the top of this entry, it was still impressive.

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I hate to contrast Waimea Canyon with the Na Pali coast.  However, I couldn't help but think that leaving port to view the coast today was a waste.  No, it was not because the coast isn't magnificent.  Instead, it's because it rained the whole time we cruised along the coast.  The few pictures I took weren't worth the electrons used to record them. This coast is best appreciated in clear weather, like most of the Hawaiian sites.  On this cruise, my enjoyment was marred by bad weather at the Haleakala Crater, Volcanoes National Park, and the Na Pali Coast.  If I can, I'll try to make it back here in the next 5 years or so.  

And now, back to packing as I leave the ship early in the morning....

By the time you read this, I will be home

 

This is the route of the cruise I am about to take.  By the time you see this post, I will be home and beginning to write entries to log what I did on my trip. But I am writing this entry on the day before I start on my bucket list trip.

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I figure that I will again leave my comfort zone by trying to "fly pretty".  Kim has documented many of her travels in her blog, "Traveling Transgender".  Sadly, she has not flown pretty to often lately, as life has happened while she was making other plans.  Hopefully, she will again be able to do so.  But if not, I will still be able to thank her for showing me that I can live the way I want if I am willing to make the sacrifices to do so.

Given that I still have an issue with how the airline has recorded my reservation, I still may have problems with Airport Security - even though I am a trusted traveler.  I hate the fact that the full version of my name is very masculine, when the familiar version of the name is good for both genders.  If I continue along this path of femininity, I will likely change my name to the familiar version of the name and look to have unisex versions of my image on my legal ids.

Relaxation will be impossible until I am in Honolulu.  Once there, I will be able to have fun.  Until then, I'll try to deal with the little things as they come at me, as it's all I can do to preserve my sanity when I'm nervous....

I wish I had a picture of me without glasses.

NCL notified me that I had to check in for my cruise.  Although I was ready and willing to do so, I did not have a picture of me available that was suitable - all of the shots I've saved on this computer in female presentation have me wearing glasses.  So I will need to wait until the next time I'm dressed as Marian before I can take a photo of me without glasses.

Getting all the paperwork in order before a trip is a pain in the ass.  This time, I have to take care of airline check-in procedures in addition to cruise line check-in procedures. Although taking care of things isn't that difficult, more can go wrong and cause me trouble when at the airport or in Hawaii.  So I want to be sure that I have gotten things right before leaving home to go on my cruise.

Right now, I have started to arrange both my carry-on bag and my toiletry kit for my outbound travel. Even though I may not need to take off my shoes or pull out my electronics and liquids (I have trusted traveler status), I still have to follow the rules for passing through a security checkpoint.  In short, I have to be prepared for the random "SSSS" printed on the bottom of my boarding pass, whether or not I am actually subject to special screening. And then, I have to wait to get on the plane. Once I'm finally on the plane, I must be ready to be uncomfortable for the next 12 hours.  I'm lucky that I paid for confirmed seats on the aisle, as I may have a little more room to stretch out now and then. And I won't be disturbing anyone as I get out of my seat to go to the loo.   

When I last contacted Kim (Traveling Transgender), she didn't have much advice for me.  So I will likely need to talk to the TSA agent before going through the security checkpoint and ask for appropriate screening.  After I have successfully done this once, I expect I will have little trouble on the return trip.  (I'll be sure to keep emergency information on hand, lest I get stuck at the airport.)  This will be a new experience for me - Flying Pretty.  Kim has done this many times, and has written about it in her blog.  Sadly, she doesn't write much anymore, as her job now keeps her "down on the farm" much more now than in the past.

If I felt it were right for me at this time, I'd do several things.  First, I'd change my name to use the familiar version of my first name (works for both genders).  Then, I'd get partial FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery) to make my face androgynous. And finally, I'd get some electrolysis done to remove my beard, and to eliminate the hairs on my back that I can't shave off by myself.  (If I had the time and money, I'd remove all the hair below the neck, save maybe my pubic hair.  But that's an expensive proposition.)  With these changes, I could get a wig styled in a way that I could go out as a female one day, and then use another wig (a toupee) for use when I want to present as a male.  Then, I could present my ID, and people would be looking at my face, and not the gender marker on the ID.

Compared to many other transgender folk, I still have it good.  I've found that most people don't give a damn about how ugly a female I am, or how fat a male I am when I present in the associated gender.  I have a girlfriend who says she loves me, and I will do what it takes to preserve the relationship - even if I slow down my journey on this transgender path....

 

NYC Subway Musicians

 

One of the things that made my trips underground bearable were the subway musicians who played at major subway stations.  Most of the people I've enjoyed listening to were located either at Grand Central Station or at the Times Square Station.  Sometimes, I'd even find musicians at 34th st/Penn Station and at 14th st/Union Square.  Most of the people who performed with the MTA's "Music Under New York" banner behind them were vetted by the MTA and were often worth spending a few minutes as pert of their audiences.

Why do I bring up the subway?  Well, later on in the week, I will be traveling to Downtown Manhattan to get my Global Entry interview.  Assuming all goes as expected, I will likely have my trusted traveler number that I can use for the next 5 years.  And this will be a trip I'll be taking in Mario Mode. 😒  

Once I get my Trusted Traveler Number, I will be contacting Kim (of Traveling Transgender) for advice on how to travel and "Fly Pretty".  No doubt, she'll have a lot of advice for a person who hasn't been on a plane for a decade.  (And I don't miss being on that plane either!)  Ideally, my first flight will be to Hawaii, with me wearing my breast forms, wig, and other feminine accoutrements.  Hopefully, I'll be able to breeze through security with my big tote in hand and spend the next 12+ hours in peace.

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Recently, RQS took a trip where she had to fly South for a weekend.  She texted me before the plane was about to take off saying:

Family of 5 behind me, 1 baby, 1 pre-school, 1 about 5, not speaking English, baby crying. Mom changed him on board, now he's tantrumming. Ugh! 

I responded:

Laudinum would help.

Laudanum is a tincture of opium containing approximately 10% powdered opium by weight. Laudanum is prepared by dissolving extracts from the opium poppy in alcohol. Reddish-brown and extremely bitter, laudanum contains several opium alkaloids, including morphine and codeine

Help a lot I'd say. :-)

(I should have added: "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the poison go down....")

This is a typical example of my humor.  And RQS enjoys it.  There is something about my morbid sense of humor that she finds attractive.  What it is I don't know.  But I'll take any laughs I can get....

 

 

There are so many trips I want to take, but so little time and money left to do them.

 

Lately, I've been thinking of the places I want to see and the trips I want to take. As much as I'd like a companion to travel with, there's a part of me that enjoys traveling alone.  Having been widowed more than twice as long as I was married, part of me yearns for having someone with whom I can build a history with. And there's another part of me that needs to chart my own path.

I'm not sure whether any companion I may travel with might accept traveling with Marian.  It's more costly per person to travel as a single than to travel with a companion.  And my frugality recognizes that I miss FCP for this reason (among others). But now, it's time for me to figure out which trips will be important to me and which trips I can take - preferably as Marian, if possible.

On my list, in no particular order or sequence are the following trips I'm giving a high priority:

• Great Britain and Ireland, with a week in London, returning on the Queen Mary
• Iceland (preferably on a cruise ship), doing the ring around the island.
• Panama Canal Cruise (old locks)
  
• Hawaii (already booked)
• Cross Country Train from NYC to/from Seattle
• Cross Country Train from Toronto to/from Vancouver
• Cross Country Car trip, seeing the USA in a car other than a Chevrolet.
  (The details of such trip have yet to be defined.)

Some trips (not on this list) will be done twice, once as Mario and (hopefully) once as Marian. The first trip would be to find out what procedures exist for entering and leaving a foreign land, as the last thing I need is to be hassled outside the USA because I prefer to travel as Marian.  

However, traveling pretty (as Kim might put it) is not my only travel related issue.  So is time and money. The cost of travel insurance for foreign travel gets more expensive as I get older, and I am already approaching 65 too quickly. Additionally, it seems like more demands are being made of my time these days, so I have less time available to travel. Finally, I now have a finite supply of money, and need to budget it carefully for the rest of my life.  So, the key to part of my future happiness is that I have to be ruthless in choosing my trips, as I want to be sure that I get the most out of the time and money I have left to me.

I'll miss my friends in Texas

 

I was supposed to catch up with my friends in Texas, but forgot all about it.  I'll miss both SB and JS, as they helped me get through the worst of the pandemic with their Zoom Meetups.  Sadly, all good things come to an end.  But this time, I know that all of us are in better places now than we were 15 months ago.

Do I want to see them in person?  Yes, but my problem is that I am transgender, and that Texas is not friendly to people of my ilk.  There may be some places I can safely go, as Kim from Traveling Transgender may attest, but Texas is a whole other place.  She has documented many of her travels in the past.  However, she hasn't been doing many flights while pretty these days.  (At the time I write this, her last blog post was over 7 months ago.)  I miss her adventures. 

Maybe I should write her for advice?

Up last night exchanging emails

Last night, GFJ and I were exchanging emails.  Both of us were saying the types of things we should have been saying when we were a couple.  Sadly, it was too late for anything, save to figure out a way to be friends - GFJ's big issue was my growth as Marian, and a feeling that being Mario in a romantic relationship wasn't as important.  Too bad that she didn't know Sirena, Stana, Mandy, and Kim - all 4 transgender ladies have found their ways to have traditional relationships while being able to get into their non traditional roles. 

Of the 4 T-Gals I mentioned, only Sirena does not have a web page of her own.  This is probably a wise thing, as I'm not sure of how many people know about her TG identity. So, I won't go much into Sirena's background here.  Most of my readers are likely to have bumped into her on Facebook in transgender and other communities.  (I won't give any more details here - I know what she does for a living, her real name, etc., and don't want to cause her any grief.)  Stana, Mandy, and Kim all have spouses who tolerate their feminine activities. And each have had to work things out with their respective spouses.

So the big question is - can we work things out to have a friendship?  Only time will tell.

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For the most part, I slept the whole day away.  This was not what I should have done.  But without anything to do on my schedule, why shouldn't I stay semi conscious until game night?

Around late afternoon, I received a message from Vicki #2, asking me if I wanted Opera tickets for Saturday.  I'm always up for a good freebie, so I said Yes!  And we arranged to meet for lunch tomorrow as well.  Vicki had a birthday party to go to, and wanted to see that the tickets landed in good hands.  And that they will tomorrow afternoon. Since Vicki #1 didn't respond to my message, I called her and she said she'd come with me.  So we'll be meeting Saturday morning, taking the train into NYC, and enjoying the Opera, thanks to Vicki #2.  (I'll be sure to pay for lunch tomorrow, and then some....)

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There was a prescription waiting for me at the drug store.  So I ended up getting dressed as Mario just to pick it up.  By the time I had changed back into Marian mode, it was a little after 8 pm, and I knew I'd be running a little late to game night.   When I arrived in Yonkers, we had half the usual attendance.  The hostess was already in bed, as she was going down to Weashington, DC for a conference.  However, the rest of us ended up playing a couple of games until 10:30 or so.  Then it was time for me to go home and rest.