I still play hopscotch across gender lines

Unlike an acquaintance mentioned in a prior post, I have no intention of backsliding on my path to femininity.  Even though the AI generated picture above is only an aspirational goal, it is a good idea of what I'd look like after Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS).  And I want to look like this (as appropriate for my age) at some time in the future.

The big question will always be: How far can I go along my path and have RQS as my companion?  I'd rather stop at a point before she starts feeling uncomfortable than to go too far and lose her.  For me, having companionship at this stage of life is more important than being fully female.  The equipment between my legs is less important than how I present myself to the world.  Additionally, the ability to present myself to the world 24x7 as a female is not as important as having a partner at this stage of life.

So, where does this leave me right now?

Well, I am comfortable crossing gender lines as needed to get things done during the day.  For example, I have to do some tile shopping for repairs being done on my bathroom wall.  This is something best done while I'm in male mode.  Yet, I feel more comfortable in female mode overall.  

Yet, this can get a bit awkward when I need to be in Male mode part of the day, then Female mode for the rest of the day.  For example, I have electricians coming to my apartment several days next week. (I can't move all of the furniture out of the way to get all the needed work done on one visit.)  I'll need to be in male mode these days, then change into female mode after they have gone for the day.

For the most part, everyone in my apartment complex knows that I live a bi-gendered life.  But, I have to be careful which mode I use when I deal with the outside world.  If a mechanic sees me as a woman, they will either treat me as someone who doesn't know much about mechanical things - or worse....  Yet, presenting as a male can be just as awkward in female dominated spaces, such as makeup counters. 

Will this crossing of gender lines ever end?

I don't have a good answer to the above question.  If I didn't have to worry about RQS's feelings, I'd probably move much faster towards living 24x7 as a female.  Yet, I'd still want a relationship with my family, and that would likely mean that I would either have to out myself to the rest of the family or find ways to hide it....

My apartment is still a mess, but it is showing progress.

 

I have only so much physical and emotional energy to spend during the day.  But I can see some improvement in the apartment, now that I've cleared off both my sofa and thrown out a bookcase.  Now, I can put a subset of books back into one of the bookcases I've emptied, and restart work on my bedroom.

Why do I mention the state of my apartment so often?

Well, I want to get this place back into a shape where I can think of inviting someone other than RQS over again.  No, I do not have a goal of doing this.  Instead, I'd like to have this option open to me again - something I haven't been able to do since my late wife was alive.

- - - - - -

Right now, I have a box of books on the dining room table that need to be put back into a bookcase.  Assuming that the bookcase overflows, I'll start removing books from another bookcase to prepare for another donation to the library's thrift store.  I've already started another donation bag to be given to the local thrift store when it gets filled.  Until then, I have space where I can stash it where it's not in the way.

Once this place is devoid of much of its clutter, I'll then consider painting the place.  It hasn't been done in almost 30 years, and it's about time I do so.  This time, I'll hire out the job, and let someone else break their back to do so.  And then, the big expenditures begin.  I want to do some renovations in the bathroom, so that I have a new toilet, vanity and medicine chest (with lights above it).  To do what I want, I will also need some electric work done, so that I have an electric outlet or two in the bathroom.  

All of the things that I want to do involve money and time.  I doubt that I'll ever get this apartment done the way I'd like to see it done.  But if the job is incomplete, my heirs will have to deal with making the apartment ready for sale.  That'll be the price they have to pay to inherit from me.

 

 

 

PS:  I just got notice that the co-op's bank mandated electrical work is scheduled to start in my apartment a week from now.  AARGH!!!!  I don't have the time for this, and I can't put it off.....

Taking care of business (part 2)

Today, I had two things on the docket.  One would cost me some chump change, and the other some coin.  Either way, I had to present myself as Mario to the world.  It was just as well, as it looked like we'd have some scattered thunderstorms today.

- - - - - -

I got up at 8:00 am, so that I could make it to Mavis Tires for the New York's mandated yearly safety/emissions inspection for my car.  Reaching Mavis by 10:00 am, I was out of the shop an hour later, and proceeded home to nap, work on cleaning up some mess in the apartment, and to meet the handyman who'll do work on the tiled wall next to my bathtub.

Since I've been sleep deprived for the past few evenings, I took my nap first - and awakened by 3:30 pm.  I got dressed, and started to clean up my place when the handyman arrived.  As expected, he will need to tear out some sheet rock and replace it as part of his efforts.  So I gave him a 25% deposit for materials, and will pay him the rest when he returns over the weekend.  

Tomorrow, it'll be off to the tile store to see if I can get a box of tile similar to that on my 65+ year old bathroom wall....

- - - - - -

This weekend will likely be a "Cluster F" of scheduling headaches, as both RQS and I will need to be up much earlier than usual and stay in the apartment while work is done here.  I am not looking forward to this, but I have no choice, as the work needs to be done no matter what.  I am tempted to ask her if I could come down after work is complete (or, have her come here), so that she isn't as disturbed as she will be when the workers are taking up space in the bathroom.

Assuming that the work is done in one day (which I doubt), we will have Sunday free to do things for ourselves. But what might we do?  At least, I have several days to think about this, as tomorrow, I will have to go to a couple of tile stores to see if they have tile that matches the scheme of the remaining tile on my walls.

Taking care of business (part 1)

 

I had several things I had to do today: See a friend for lunch, arrange for a handyman to come and repair the tile in my bathroom, postpone dinner with Vicki, get my earlobe piercings looked at, and confirm my car's appointment for the annual state safety/emissions inspection.  And I was amazed that I got everything done.

But first....

My alarms were set to wake me up at 7:00 am, so that I could attempt to get free tickets for the 9/11 museum in Lower Manhattan.  It was worth it for me to try to wake up early to get these tickets, but I was doing it with only 3 hours of sleep.  So I'd likely be tired most of the day until I've had a chance to nap.  Still, I didn't get to the site using the correct link, so refreshing the link at 7:00 am still resulted in failure as I was never presented with the option of getting free tickets.  AARGH!  Yet, failing to get 9/11 tickets would be a blessing, as I would be able to take a much needed nap later in the day.

Now that I was awake, I started to work on a blog entry.  Working on developing a travel blog that will develop into videos is work, as I have to be thinking of scripts I can use to make 10-15 minutes of useful content on a regularly scheduled basis.  (It'll need more meat and less filler than in this daily blog.)  So I worked on something based on my most recent trip.  Even though I'm not happy with this entry, it's good exercise for me.

About 11:00 am, I started getting ready to see my friend MAR for lunch.  I hated to get showered, as I don't like risking getting the failed section of the tiled wall wet.  (It's covered with both duct tape and a tarp now, but there is still a risk until a handyman fixes it.)  After showering and getting made up for the day, I put on a dress I bought several years ago, and went out for lunch.  We chatted for a couple of hours, talking about many things.  I'm glad that she is taking my advice, and trying to develop skills that will get her out of the job she is doing and into something better. She'll never be a rocket scientist, but she's capable of doing something that will make it possible to afford to live on her own.

Next, I had to make an appointment with a handyman.  My downstairs neighbor (who I haven't seen in weeks) had given me the name of a person who worked in his apartment for a contractor that the co-op used to fix damage from a plumbing problem originating from my apartment.  So, I called him, and we made an appointment for this Saturday (although he'd want to stop by after work today - something I couldn't do while out as Marian. Instead, I have him coming by tomorrow, while I'm out as Mario.)  Hopefully, this fix will both be done the right way and won't cost me too much money.  

Now that this was taken care of, I drove to the tattoo/piercing shop to have the piercing specialist look at my ears.  I was having trouble with one ear because there was a little gunk blocking the hole.  The other ear's problem was caused by the hole starting to close - and she took care of that.  However, she couldn't widen the hole without using studs that I'd never be able to take off and put back on easily.  So I went with replacing the studs I used to wear.

And then, it was home for a nap after a quick trip to the supermarket.  I'll have a lot to take care of tomorrow, but I'll deal with it then....

Looking forward to new trips - a quick post.

 

As you might guess from my writing in this blog, I enjoy travel.  Right now, I have 4 planned trips in front of me:

1. A long weekend in Chicago with RQS and my Texas friends.
2. A Bermuda cruise with RQS.
3. A solo cruise to the Bahamas and back.
4. A Norwegian Fjord cruise with RQS in 2024.

Even with these trips planned, I am still trying to figure out ways to travel even more.  For example, I'd like to spend a weekend in Boston with RQS, and see things we couldn't see in our short stop there on last year's cruise.  I could always go back to DC with RQS, as she has relatives in the region that we both enjoy seeing.  And then, Philadelphia comes to mind, as I have not had the time to explore the city in my two trips there.

Unfortunately, travel costs money, and we have to answer a simple question: Where will all this money for travel come from?

The other day, I was chatting with my brother and the subject of my uncle's finances.  (No, I will not go into them here.)  But both of us had similar thoughts - we both want my uncle to enjoy the rest of his life as much as possible, and would rather that he spend it on him and my aunt, than for him to leave us a lot of money.  Yet, if we were lucky enough to inherit a few dollars, I would spend some of it on a bucket list trip with RQS.  My brother said that this was an excellent idea.

What will happen in the future depends on how my finances work themselves out.  If my investments do well, I will spend some of the proceeds on travel.  If not, I will dream about travel.  Either way, travel will be on my mind.  Hopefully, much of that travel will be as Marian, and not as Mario.

Apartment Cleanup 101

 

I find it amazing that my apartment once looked this "Neat".  But it is getting there again.  Because RQS and I have a virtuous circle relationship, it seems that when I work on cleaning up my apartment, RQS is inspired to work on hers (and vice versa.)  This weekend, I went to RQS's place for a change, and we did a little work on cleaning out junk from her place.

But first....

Last week, RQS expressed a desire for me to go down to her place for a change, and I said yes.  This decision was fortunate, as I have to get a handyman to come to fix the tiled wall near my bathtub.  So, I took care of several errands before driving to RQS's house, one of which included donating 2 large boxes of books to a local library's thrift shop, returning another book to my local library, and talking with my building's super.

Once on the road, I hardly hit any traffic, and I reached RQS's place earlier than usual.  RQS was waiting for me with a couple of lobsters to be cooked.  Yum!  It was a good evening for a lobster boil, and she noted that it was more enjoyable than eating lobster at any local restaurant.  Both of us were tired, and we decided to hit the hay a little early for our next day's activities.

- - - - - -

The sun came out, and there was more than enough light coming in through RQS's windows to cause me to wake up much earlier than usual.  After relaxing in bed for a while, both RQS and I (mostly her) proceeded to declutter her apartment.  By the time we were ready to go for dinner, she had a couple of boxes of books to go to the donation bins.  I was tasked with bringing her old bookcase down to the trash area, and her apartment looked much cleaner for the work put into it.

Next, we got showered and dressed, and off to "Curry Hill" for dinner.  Our first stop was at the bookstore, where I picked up a guidebook to Bermuda.  Then, it was off to Third Avenue for dinner. We found a nice place via Yelp, and were lucky to get seated without reservations.  RQS said that the food was a little better than our usual NYC go-to pace.  As for me, I felt that it was as good or slightly better.  But it was $20+ more expensive for a similar meal.  (It was worth it.)

Why did we go to "Curry Hill" instead of Greenwich Village?  Tipsy Scoop!  We wanted our booze infused ice cream.  And we got it.  Yum!  We paid for it though.  We couldn't find a bus that would take us back to the subway which would return home.  In the end, we walked over 1/2 mile to find the bus stop before going into the nearby subway to go home.

- - - - - -

Sunday came, and so did more apartment cleanup. While RQS was organizing things, I fixed a problem on her computer which prevented some things from printing.  Once we showered and dressed for the day, we delivered more stuff to the local donation center before I left for the evening.

Game night and seeing an old friend - a short post.

 

My friend was up from Florida this week, but neither of us had the time to get together on our own.  She is blissfully ignorant of politics, and had no idea of how the governor of her state is hurting transgender youth.  Once I mentioned things as they are in the real world, she was a little upset.   But then, most people prefer to tune politics out of their lives, as they don't see the value of knowing what's going on behind closed doors leading to smoke filled rooms. I'm not out to knock this friend, as she has a warm and loving heart.  What I am out to say is that she made it to game night, and I had the first chance to see her in several years.

Tonight's game lasted way too long, and I tuned out long before the game was over.  There were way too many things to keep track of in this game, and my mind wasn't up to it - especially with two strong minded fellows "arguing" about the rules of the game.  I was only going through the motions, so that I'd have a pleasant evening - which I did.

After game night was over, I chatted outside with my friend and caught up on things.  She knows I'm trans, and it doesn't bother her.  If I weren't attached, I could see the two of us traveling together.  But, I am, and want to keep it that way.  All too soon, we had to part.  She had to drive back to Connecticut, where she was staying until the weekend, and I had to drive back to my apartment.  On the way home, I caught up with RQS on our nightly phone call.  It'll be nice to see her again, and I hope that nothing gets in the way of doing so....