Where does a non-op trans person go to the loo?

 

Although this may be a short post, it poses a dilemma that can cause us problems if in the wrong place at the wrong time - Where can a non-op trans person go to the loo while traveling across the United States?

When I first started going out as Marian, I worried what people would think when I went to the women's room to relieve myself. In New York, I didn't feel that I had to worry much - even though I may not have looked as much as a woman than a man in a dress.  But I had serious concerns.  Over time, both my feminine presentation skills and my confidence in going out as Marian developed quite a bit.  Most of the time now, I think people see me as an oversized woman instead of a fat man in a dress.

I've traveled as Marian, having taken cruises to New England/Eastern Canada ports, to Eastern Caribbean ports (only getting off at St. Martin and St. Thomas), to ports along the California coast, and to Hawaii. In addition, I've traveled to Washington, DC and Chicago, Il as Marian.  But I know that I have to be careful where I travel, given laws that affect transgender people.  For example, GOP states have enacted laws that limit where transgender people can relieve themselves.  I was surprised to find that Texas (with its laws that prohibit gender changes on legal documents) hasn't yet (as far as this map shows) been enacted a bathroom bill.  (Maybe I can find a way to visit my friends in Texas after all....)

Soon, RQS and I may schedule a last minute cruise to New England/Eastern Canada on the same ship that will take us to Bermuda.  This will only happen if a co-op meeting has to be postponed.  I'm hoping that we can take this cruise, as it will be nice to cruise again as Marian. 

 

PS: I can say that I committed a criminal act in one of the states I've visited by going to the loo.  It's nice to be a criminal!

The end of a weekend came with an oil change and tire rotation

 

Yesterday, RQS and I sat around the house relaxing until a little before dusk.  At that time, we went out so that she could practice her photography skills.  But this is not the focus of today's post.

- - - - - -

Today was the first day that I had to wear male clothes in a while.  In fact, I can't remember the last time I had to present myself as Mario.  And it felt strange to get dressed in trousers and a shirt, instead of a casual dress with a sweater nearby to keep me comfortable.  Yet, I'll be doing so for the better part of the work week, as I've scheduled 3 days worth of appearances for Mario:

• Monday: Get 6,000 mile car service (oil change and tire rotation)|
• Tuesday: Get fMRI for scientific study I'm participating in.
• Thursday: In-person appointment at NYC's Department of Vital Records or Department of Health  to get birth certificates  (for myself and my dad, each with an apostille for international use)

Although I might want to visit NYC's offices as Marian, it might be easier for me to present myself as being consistent with my legal identification.  Even if I were to dress as Marian on Wednesday, I will still a bit strange if I were to have dinner with RQS on Thursday as Mario.  

- - - - - -

Last night, I transferred my money and my ID into my male wallet in preparation to use it today.  When RQS and I got dressed to leave the house, I almost forgot it on my desk - I've gotten so used to going out as Marian with my handbag, that thinking about putting my wallet in my trousers wasn't an automatic part of getting dressed for me.

After dropping RQS off at the station, I relaxed for a little while before taking my car to the dealership for its 6,000 mile service.  Although I got there a little early, it took longer than expected before I got my car back.  And since I was in the area, I decided to stop at BJ's for a little (and I mean little) retail therapy.  By the time I left, I had tonight's dinner and some chicken pot pies I could eat over the next 2 weeks.

Tomorrow, I'll be driving to Queens to take care of the fMRI.  Sadly, I'll have to take the studs out of my earlobes for this scan, and I know I'll have a hard time putting them back in again.
 

2023 Bermuda Cruise - Day 3 (Port Day)

 

Tuesday, November 21, 2023

As we were getting up, RQS had something important to say. Due to her ankle injury, whe probably would not be able to visit the Crystal Caves on this trip. I didn’t mind too much, as we can always visit them on a future trip. As usual, we didn’t get up until it was lunch time, and we went to the buffet - a big mistake. Normally, I won’t make a big deal about buffets. But I often eat too much at buffets, and today, I did just that. RQS, on the other hand, ate light, as she had GI Tract issues of her own. Once done with lunch, we left the ship and started our exploration of the Bermuda Dockyard area.

The Bermuda Dockyard area has been transformed into a multi use area. Yes, there is the old fort. But many of the old buildings have been repurposed into stores, restaurants, and even a museum area. Since RQS was unable to see the ship’s doctor while the clinic was open, we went to the local pharmacy so that RQS could purchase a cane. Since Bermuda is an archipelago in the middle of the Atlantic, prices here would be more expensive than on the mainland - and we both had sticker shock when she told me the price of her cane.

After leaving the pharmacy, we decided to visit the Clocktower mall and walk around a little. Thankfully, the cane was helping RQS a bit, as she wasn’t in much pain walking while using the cane. Soon, we decided to go back to the ship, and got caught up in the rain. So we took the free shuttle back to the ship and decided to relax. When we arrived at the pier, RQS almost misplaced her ID, and Bermudan authorities were expecting her to show it when we went back to the ship. Luckily, she had kept it with her cell phone, and we were soon onboard the ship. 

Once onboard, we made the mistake of going to the ship’s version of a restaurant serving pub food, and we suffered with mediocre service. Sadly, when we went to one of the ship’s main dining rooms later on, we also suffered mediocre service. This time, in both settings, the food was underwhelming - a significant drop in quality from the last time we cruised NCL.
 

Since we walked over 2 miles today, we both thought that taking the time to rest was a good thing, so we called it an evening after dinner. Hopefully, we will get to see Hamilton (Bermuda’s capital) tomorrow, and have the time to enjoy it….

2023 Bermuda Cruise - Day 1 (Embarkation Day)

 

Sunday, November 19, 2023.

We considered ourselves lucky today, as RQS had found the handbag which contained all of her ID needed for the upcoming cruise. So it was our “normal” travel routine or rushing to get ready, and hiring a car to get us to where we had to go.

Around 8:00 am, we got showered and dressed and ready to travel. While RQS finished her breakfast, I went out to buy a pair of sunglasses and get some extra money for our trip. With our bags fully packed and ready to go, we called a cab, so that we could take the 10:37 train to Grand Central. The train ride was relaxing, and we caught a cab to the cruise terminal, which got us there by 12:15 pm. Cruise check-in was a little annoying, as the counter agent asked RQS for her passport, and didn’t accept her passport card - normally, the only ID required for closed loop cruises.

 

 

By 12:45 pm, we were on the ship and ready to deposit our bags in our room. One catch - the rooms weren’t all ready for passengers yet. Walking to the cabin, we noticed these signs hanging on the doors.  I hadn't seen anything like them since my December 2021 Christmas cruise during the pandemic restart. We cheated a little, and dropped our bags off in our cabin, then went to the buffet to have a leisurely lunch. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, we were tracking the location of our checked luggage, as our bags hadn’t yet made it to our cabin. Just before the ship left port, RQS’s bag made it to the cabin, leaving the location of my bag still a mystery. Luckily, the tracker reported that it was in the ship’s hold (based on a nautical location ID), and my bag was placed outside our cabin just before dinner time.

Since I have a Platinum loyalty status with NCL, I get two “free” specialty meals when I cruise. But I couldn’t reserve these meals until I was onboard the ship. However, we had booked our cabin with the “free at sea” promotion, and this gave us two specialty meals that we could book. So we proceeded to the Brazilian Churrascaria onboard, and had an “Atkins Diet” feast - all the meat we could eat, and we did just that.

After dinner, we decided to take it easy and go back to our room for the evening. Unfortunately, on the way back to the room, a woman fell on RQS, injuring RQS’s ankle. For the rest of the evening, the ankle hurt, and RQS wondered if she’d be able to walk around Bermuda when we arrived on Tuesday.


What a way to start a vacation!

I just booked another cruise!

 

I saw this itinerary the other day, and said that I have to book it.  The best man at my wedding lives near one of these ports, and I would like to see him one last time.

But first....

Yesterday, RQS and I paid for our next cruise and decided to take this cruise early next year.  Both of us get to see people important to us, and both of us will be spending money that could have gone to a cruise in Marian mode.  This is not as much of an issue as it seems, as RQS is warming up to the idea of spending life with me, more and more in Marian mode.

I wish I could take the above trip in Marian mode.  Without knowing how any of the foreign ports deal with transgender people, I do not want to risk getting off the ship with government issued id that differs from my current gender presentation.  Hopefully, I will be able to rectify this at some future date. Sometime soon, I plan to research how many foreign ports look at transgender people, especially those who are either in the middle of physical transition, or those whose gender presentation disagrees with that on their government issued id.  In my case, I tend to play it safe with my travels, only getting off of a ship when I know my rights are protected by the locality.  When I have any doubts, I stay onboard and stay safe in my bubble until the next port.

Is it right that we should fear to live full lives?  No!  Sadly, we are not able to force others to treat us fairly.  But our money can do so.  Greed is an important motivator for many people.  If they can see profit in treating people with respect, they will do so.  For us to be free, it will be our money that has to do the talking.  In the future, I hope that it will be our money, and the size of our community that will make the difference for us when we travel to places on the route above.

Hawaii Vacation - Day 09: Luau in Kauai

 

Today's excursion takes place in the evening.  I booked a ticket to Luau Kalamaku, having no idea what to expect from this excursion.  And I hoped that this excursion would be well worth the time and money spent on it.

But first....

 

Since my excursion took place late in the afternoon, I slept late.  This was likely the best thing I could do, as I had to listen to my body and it was telling me it was time to rest.  Eventually, I got moving at a "civilized" hour, got showered and dressed, and made it off the ship for a couple of hours.  Unfortunately, I did not know of the shuttles that would transport me to and from the nearby shopping center, so I had to move slowly to stay comfortable.  After spending some time eating some ice cream and sitting in the shade, I caught the shuttle and went back to the ship to rest until the luau.

- - - - - -

I called RQS and chatted for a while and then freshened up to go to the luau  By now, I have gotten used to presenting my male ID to security while presenting as female.  Considering where many transgender folk are in their journeys, I consider myself to be very lucky.  Confidence in one's presentation is very important to being accepted in one's gender.  For example, there always seems to be a line for the women's room.  A nervous transgender will give off signals such as: "Will they see me as something other than female?"  "Will someone figure out what I am and cause me trouble?"  And I've silently asked these questions in the past when I was new to presenting as female.  Now, I stand in line with the rest of the women and chit chat when a woman wants to talk with me.  We're there to go and do our business, and being confident in how I do that goes a long way to being accepted as female and being treated as one.

Around 4 pm, I walked into the ship's theater which was being used to stage 3 groups of people going to the luau.  There was one person telling us about Hawaii, the Luau, and the Debarkation process to keep us occupied until our buses were ready to take us where we were going.  Since the ship was only 10 minutes away, we were all at the luau by 5 pm.

 

The luau consisted of 3 parts: General Entertainment, Dinner, and the presentation on Hawaiian cultural history presented in dance. The first part had performers singing various songs (including holiday tunes) to entertain us, and to get us used to the cultural history presentation to come.  I wasn't that impressed by this part of the luau, simply because I couldn't get into the performances - my mind was elsewhere, probably focusing on the dinner yet to come.

Dinner was served buffet style.  There were two meats available to eat - Pork and Chicken.  Both were very tasty.  But one does not go to the luau to rave about the food.  It is more like going to a dinner theater where the food is decent, but the performance is better than expected.  And that was true of the cultural history performance to come.

I was queued for the ladies' room when the show began.  Hawaiians, Tahitians, and others are cut from the same "Bad Ass" stock.  It took a lot of guts to explore the pacific in double hulled canoes and settle in remote islands - all without modern technology.  And this part of the show illustrated what these people went through to find, then settle Hawaii.  Although the show started off slow, it had an exciting climax with men dancing with fire in motion.  

All too soon, the show ended and it was time to return to the ship.  As usual, I had to get wanded by security, even though I had eliminated all the metal from my body.  My first stop was at the photography area, where I bought several pictures for display.  (I had to burn off the bulk of my $100 cruise credit, or lose it.) Then it was back to my room to relax for the evening.

I hate rainy, foggy days.

Normally, I try to stay in a single presentation for the entire day.  This makes things much simpler for me.  Once I move my ID and money into the correct wallet, I can be sure that I'm carrying all 3 needed items I need to show a police officer if my car is stopped.  (I also move my AAA card, as I've been in need of a tow while in my female presentation.)  This was not going to be a "half and half" day, as I only needed to be out as Mario for an hour, and I'd be out as Marian until I returned home late in the evening.

- - - - - -

Last night, GFJ and I were chatting around 2 am.  We caught up on the past day, and then she asked a question - Did Patty know about me being TG?  I told her that she may have had some inklings when we were going together in the early 2000's, but I was not out and about way back when.  I have to assume that GFJ is still sorting things out in her mind, and that my TG nature is an important issue to her.  

When I finally got up late this morning, I knew I'd have to present as a male for part of it.  There was a book (on hold) waiting for me at the library, and there was a prescription waiting for me at the drug store.  Since I could not do these things without revealing my legal identity, I had to go out as Mario for a couple of hours before coming home to change into my female presentation and go out as Marian for the evening.

Once home, I started getting ready to go out as Marian.  Off came the boy clothes, with a plan to put on the girl clothes before seeing JS for a movie and a bite to eat.  While at home, I decided to wrap gifts for my family and for GFJ.  However, I couldn't find the locking diary in the stores for the daughter of Thursday night's meetup's Christmas Gift.  So I finally broke down and subscribed to Amazon Prime, so that I could get her gift in my hands before the next game night.

While writing the earlier parts of this entry, I got a message from JS - her dog had to go to the vet for a canine emergency.  It seems as if every time we agree to get together, some event gets in the way.  Yes, I have often been unavailable on weekends, as I have always given GFJ first claim on my time.  (She is a special woman to me, and I've said as much to her.)  But now, I have the freedom to schedule weekend time with JS, and she still has excuses.  Given what I've mentioned about her and her family in the past, I'll bet that she is having serious budget problems as well as problems with her daughter.  And these problems are getting in the way of her having a healthy social life.  (These problems are also the cause of her former financial planner abandoning JS to her own devices, as JS would not do the things needed to get her life in order.)  As for me, I'd rather not allow JS to lean too much on me, as I don't want to be in a codependent relationship with anyone.

Now that JS had to postpone our get together, I had to figure out what to do for the rest of the evening.  Did I continue my preparations to go out as Marian and see a movie?  Or, did I do something else?  I ended up staying in for the night.....

Comparing prices on long and short cruises.

On a solo cruise I took last year, I found out about this cruise from a woman who planned to take it in 2020.  However, her mother needed eye surgery.  And in Canada, you take the dates you can get for non-essential surgery.  This means that she won't be on this cruise. But I may still go on it.

When I first ran the numbers this summer, I figured that I should budget at least $4,000 for the trip, broken down as follows:

• Base Fare          - $2298 (includes $1149 single supplement)
• Port Fees/Taxes -     543
• Gratuities           -     315
  ---------------------------------
  Simple Cruise    - $3360
   
• Trip to NYC Pier -       60
•  from Seattle Pier -     40
  ---------------------------------
  Simple land cost  -    100
• Airfare (SEA-JFK) -   250
• Trip JFK to Home    -  60
  ---------------------------------
  Minimum Cost    - $3870

Of course, things aren't always what they seem.  I decided to see what the current price for the cruise was listed for on vacationstogo.com, and saw that the cost for an inside cabin had dropped by $200.  This means that I'd still be close to $3,800 for the cruise without any excursions.  That wasn't good enough for me.  So, in late October, I checked ncl.com for the same cruise and got the following results:

• Studio Cabin: from $2,099
• Inside Cabin:  from $1,198
• Oceanview:    from $2,099
• Balcony:         from $2,399
• Mini-Suite:      from $2,849

You'll notice that having an inside cabin costs less than having a studio cabin.  There is more room in the inside cabin, but it does not have access to the studio cabin's lounge area. But the $1,000 difference in price from the time I started tracking this cruise and now is making me reconsider taking this cruise.  My net daily expense (excluding land/air transit) would drop from $160/day to $100/day.  My net minimum cost has dropped to under $3,000. This looks like a great bargain in the making.

Towards the end of July, I noted in my old blog that NCL practices yield management. This means that one can and will see pricing anomalies throughout the sales life of the cruise. Once within 90 days of the cruise, most of the people who have planned to go on the cruise have already made their bookings for the cruise.  And this is the period where price/value calculations start to create anomalies more exaggerated than the $900 difference between the studio cabin and the inside cabin above.  This is also the period where I start seriously tracking prices for cruises I want to take, so that I can pounce on a rare great deal.

Not all great deals are a result of complex yield management. Within the last month before the cruise, some lines (such as Princess) offer last minute specials.  I logged into princess.com priced a last minute 15 day Hawaii cruise (including air) from San Francisco leaving the first weekend in November, and got inside cabin price of $922/per person. 

• Base Fare          - $1844 (includes $922 single supplement)
• Port Fees/Taxes -     241
• Gratuities           -     225
  ----------------------------------
  Simple Cruise --  - $2310

Of course, airfare might have to be bought through the cruise line, as last minute airfares can be very expensive otherwise.  I expect that the Hawaii cruise would likely set me back close to $3,500, as I would want to take the shore excursions I wouldn't bother taking on the Panama Canal run. Considering that Princess can not offer 7 day Hawaii cruises that only NCL can offer, I'd bet that Princess will offer similar last minute deals on their Hawaii runs as the sale time for each cruise starts to run out.  So, if I want to do a Hawaii run, I may hold off until it is close to embarkation day and take advantage of any last minute discounts that may be offered.

Compare the NCL 7 day Hawaii cruise above to the Princess 15 day cruise mentioned earlier.  The NCL cruise overnights in Kauai (Nawiliwili) and Maui (Kahului), while the Princess cruise daylights these ports. The extra time in port gives the cruiser much more time to enjoy the two islands.  The minor (to me) drawback of taking the NCL cruise is that there is no gambling on the cruise, as gambling is illegal in Hawaii.  But the most important difference between the two cruise line's ships is that NCL sails with an American flagged ship, while Princess sails with a "flag of convenience."  This forces Princess to make a stop in a foreign port at least once per cruise. Thus, Princess must offer 15 day cruises with a single stop in Ensenada (Mexico) if it wants to service the Hawaii cruise market.

The difference between what NCL can offer for a last minute Hawaii cruise vs. what Princess can offer for a similar cruise becomes very interesting when I look at NCL's price for a Thanksgiving time cruise.  For the November 23, 2019 cruise, I got the following results:

• Inside Cabin:  from    $899
• Oceanview:    from    $929
• Balcony:         from $1,299
• Mini-Suite:     from $5,598 (includes 100% single supplement)

Let's factor in roughly $700 for airfare, $250 for port fees, $100 for land transit, $105 for gratuities, and another $600 for shore excursions, and my total expenses for a 7 day cruise would be in the $2,700 range for an Oceanview cabin. Since NCL offers this cruise on a weekly basis, I'd bet that deals like this may show up relatively often.

You'll note that I've focused on cruises that sail within the next 6 months which stop in United States and Canadian ports. Being transgender, I need to feel safe in those few ports that I go on shore - especially while traveling with an ID showing a male presentation but presenting as a female. The Panama Canal and Hawaii cruises are (for most people) "once in a lifetime" trips, and I want to take both before I get too old to travel.