Where does a non-op trans person go to the loo?

 

Although this may be a short post, it poses a dilemma that can cause us problems if in the wrong place at the wrong time - Where can a non-op trans person go to the loo while traveling across the United States?

When I first started going out as Marian, I worried what people would think when I went to the women's room to relieve myself. In New York, I didn't feel that I had to worry much - even though I may not have looked as much as a woman than a man in a dress.  But I had serious concerns.  Over time, both my feminine presentation skills and my confidence in going out as Marian developed quite a bit.  Most of the time now, I think people see me as an oversized woman instead of a fat man in a dress.

I've traveled as Marian, having taken cruises to New England/Eastern Canada ports, to Eastern Caribbean ports (only getting off at St. Martin and St. Thomas), to ports along the California coast, and to Hawaii. In addition, I've traveled to Washington, DC and Chicago, Il as Marian.  But I know that I have to be careful where I travel, given laws that affect transgender people.  For example, GOP states have enacted laws that limit where transgender people can relieve themselves.  I was surprised to find that Texas (with its laws that prohibit gender changes on legal documents) hasn't yet (as far as this map shows) been enacted a bathroom bill.  (Maybe I can find a way to visit my friends in Texas after all....)

Soon, RQS and I may schedule a last minute cruise to New England/Eastern Canada on the same ship that will take us to Bermuda.  This will only happen if a co-op meeting has to be postponed.  I'm hoping that we can take this cruise, as it will be nice to cruise again as Marian. 

 

PS: I can say that I committed a criminal act in one of the states I've visited by going to the loo.  It's nice to be a criminal!

Booking a cruise

 

The above is a picture of the ship I was on when I took my Hawaii trip.  Some of the cruises I've taken over the years were booked by my former cruise partner.  Other cruises I've taken were booked using a large travel agency or directly through the cruise line.  Now, RQS and I are looking to use a local travel agent affiliated with a larger travel agency to set things up for a California Coast trip we are interested in taking.

Why use a local travel agent instead of using a random person from the cruise line or from a large travel agency?  In our case, we wanted to find out whether it was worth the effort to hand off some of the mundane arrangements to someone who gets paid by the travel suppliers.  And the jury is still out for me in this regard.

In the future, I plan to take trips which require much more planning than a simple cruise to Canada and back.  For example, I'm looking to take a Norwegian Fjord cruise.  One of the cruises I'm interested in starts in Southampton, UK  and sails to both Norway and Iceland.  Travel to countries in the EU Schengen Zone requires one kind of pass for US citizens, while the UK has its own travel requirements. If I am happy with the service an individual agent can give me, I will use that agent for more of my trips.  If not, I will need to find other ways that I can minimize the research headaches I must endure to travel where I want to travel.

Yet, not all travel questions can be answered by a travel agent.  For example, how open to gender non conforming travel is a destination?  In my case, I have skipped several islands on Caribbean cruises, so that I am not hassled by their customs personnel.  To get this information, I may need to ask friends in the LGBT community for help.  And then, I might end up contacting several tourist bureaus directly - but not using my normal snail mail or email addresses for requesting this information.

Hopefully, one day, I will be able to travel freely, to anywhere I want, as Marian.  Until then, it pays to be careful.

Thoughts about Gender Non-Conforming Travel

 

One of the things that a transgender person might like to do is travel.  However, when the name and image on one's legal identification does not match that expected for one's gender presentation, this can get a person into a lot of trouble.  There is still a lot of prejudice against us out there, and I have been a worry wart about going places where I might not be welcome.

- - - - - -

I live in a relatively liberal area of the United States.  Yet, there are many people who would hate me simply for being transgender.  The closer to coastal metropolitan areas one is in this country, the more likely it is that transgender people are accepted.  (This doesn't mean that we don't suffer due to societal prejudices.  It simply means that most people tend to respect our rights as human beings.)  The further away one gets, the less we are accepted and the more we are subject to discrimination (and worse). So, I have learned to be very careful about travel outside my region, as I could get killed if I am in the wrong region.

Now, I've been told that I would be relatively safe in the Dallas, TX area.  But I can't be sure of this.  So I will avoid seeing my friends in the Dallas area until I look more feminine than I currently do.  Yes, I'd love to meet my friend Stephanie again, but it will be much more difficult now that I have RQS in my life.  Kim (of Traveling Transgender) has had few problems with her interstate travel (from the Austin, TX area), flying across the country on her business trips.  Sadly for her, she doesn't travel as much anymore, and she no longer posts about her exploits.

When I had FCP as a cruise partner, I had the pleasure of beginning to cross national boundaries while in gender non-conforming presentation.  At first, I worried about how people would treat me on the cruise, and I found that there was nothing to worry about.  However, I didn't know how I'd be treated when I left the safety of the cruise ship and landed on foreign soil.  In Canada, I found that my rights were protected by law.  And on islands part of the EU (St. Martin), I had no problems as well.  Yet, I feared getting off the ship in places like St. Kitts, as they are hostile towards the LGBT community. So, I developed confidence in cruising, but realized that I had to do some research before getting off the ship at foreign ports.

Recently, I took a Hawaii cruise.  And this time, I heard the dreaded "S" word, instead of the welcomed "Ma'am".  This was not true in most cases.  But it was true where my ID came into use - such as at the airport.  Yet, people took my dress in stride, and treated me with respect.  Did this mean that my biological gender was not an issue?  Who knows?  But I had no problems with gender presentation on my last trip.

But what about future trips?

I am thinking of taking at least one of the following cruises next year:

1. Panama Canal, with stops in several Latin American countries, including Columbia.
2. Norway (and Iceland?), with routes within the EU and also Great Britain.

The stops on the first cruise concern me, as I need to do research before deciding to travel in Marian mode.  Are my rights protected in Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Panama, Columbia and other countries along the way?  Since Cartagena is a port that I want to visit, I need to know this as soon as possible.  Although I've reached out to Rhonda (of Rhonda's Escape), I've yet to hear from her about documentation she used in her travels.  Hopefully, I will be able to get more information from more sources regarding transgender travel to these ports, so that I can be safe when I make this trip.

In the future, I hope to do more and more of my travel as Marian - even if I have to preserve my Mario identity for purposes I've discussed elsewhere.  But to do so, I'll need more information, and I will document what I find out in this blog to make travel easier for the transgender people who follow me.

Ambivalence

I've talked about my ambivalence in regard to leaving my job.  RQS had to face a similar problem before she retired, and then dealt with it more quickly than I have so far.

One of the most salient points RQS made is that I need to be stimulated at work.  This job is putting me to sleep.  The big question is what I will do when I leave the work force for good.  I want to travel, but that takes money.  Until I figure out how to make travel pay my bills, I can only travel so much.  Yet, I can see myself producing a Vlog on surface transit (land and sea), documenting trips that are well worth taking.  There is a lot of competition in this area, and I have my doubts that I'd have enough interesting things to say to publish on a regular schedule.

Ideally, I'd know enough about LGBT travel to document my travels in female presentation.  Of course, there will be a lot of places that I will not be able to travel as Marian.  So I'd have to do my research beforehand, so that others could benefit from my work.

So much to think about....

I wish I could take this cruise again.

 

This is a cruise I wish I could take again.  Not only was it the first cruise I had taken in over 20 years without a travel partner, but it was a cruise on which I made a new friend.

- - - - - -

In my old blog, I documented this cruise in more detail than I will detail here.  Not only did I mention issues related to cruising with my former cruise partner, but the details of this cruise now seem to have melded with details from other cruises.  Instead, I'll note the highlights, and remember this cruise fondly.

In the past, FCP would either have someone drop us off at the cruise terminal, or park at the terminal herself.  This can be cost effective for short cruises when two or more people are traveling.  But it is not so for someone traveling alone on a long cruise.  For someone like me, it makes more sense to take the train into NYC, then taking a cab to the cruise terminal. If I spend $60 each way to get to/from NYC Pier 88, I have still saved $160 that I could spend on drinks onboard the ship.  Until I am traveling with someone again, I expect that this is the way I will go between my apartment in Croton and the Manhattan cruise terminal.

On this cruise, I met two people, one of which I still communicate with.  First is a singer, Katy Setterfield, with whom I had several great conversations before she left my ship to perform on another ship.  Sadly, we lost contact, and I haven't heard of her performing in public venues since then.  The other was my pen pal, LKC from Canada.  Although we haven't seen each other since this cruise, we've stayed in contact in the 3 years since.

There is a part of me that wishes that I did the cruise in Mario Mode.  That would have made it possible for me to visit the islands of St. Kitts, Barbados, St. Lucia, and Antigua.  But many of the islands hold LGBT travelers in disdain, and I didn't want to risk getting trouble in a foreign land.  So traveling as Marian eliminated some of the places where I'd have liked to get off the ship and walk around.  But if I had done this, I'd never have met the two people who made this trip enjoyable.