Oh... Of course, dear! I'll lend you MY gun.

 

I always found this bit of dark humor funny.  What type of protection does this woman really need?

As I write this entry, congress has agreed on a framework for new firearms regulations.  It's not perfect, but it is movement which we've needed for a long while.  The American public is tired of a political system that is too calcified to get needed things done.  But that's not the focus of this entry.  It's a quick note to give you an idea of one of the issues that concern me.

- - - - - -

Today was my first day back at work after a weekend that seemed pleasantly longer than usual.  It was also the first day that I was able to put on a dress for a while.  And this felt natural to me, as if I was born to wear them.  

Last week, I received the first of my dresses from the Avenue.  I had ordered a Steel blue/gray dress and couldn't track it.  So, I mistakenly thought that I didn't order the dress and ordered two more.  Thday, the other two dresses came in, and I now have to think about how to return one, exchanging it for one in a different color.  There are two more dresses I want to buy, this time from Target.  Both are inexpensive, one of them being on clearance.  So I might just buy these two, and retire others I have in my wardrobe.  This way, I can have some "newish" dresses I can wear when I go to Hawaii later in the year.

While we're talking about Hawaii, the cruise line sent me an email directing me to send them my full LEGAL name.  Ever since 9/11, airport security has gotten tighter and tighter, and I've had to plan things for a mode of transport I haven't used in a decade and will need to use for my trip to Hawaii.  It's hard to believe that this trip will be coming up sooner than I feel it's coming, and that I soon will need to pay for this trip.

When I do take the Hawaii trip, I'll be sure to take a lot of pictures and post them here when I get home.  Hopefully, I'll feel comfortable taking this trip solely in Marian Mode.  (I'll have to ask Kim for advice on this....)

Some credit cards are not worth keeping

 

The other day, I decided to buy a new dress from the Avenue's site.  Given that an all cotton dress is a rarity on this company's site these days, I decided to jump on one in a color I liked.  I placed the order, and nothing happened.  When I say nothing, I mean nothing.  The original default credit card option I used was no longer on the site from what I could tell (I was tired and could have missed things), and the order was never placed, with no error or warning being given to me.

Some of you might be thinking that I logged on to a scam site. But this was the site I've saved in my bookmarks, and have used many times in the past.  So, what happened?  After looking around, I didn't see their card listed in approved payment methods.  Although the current site's server sends out web pages which reference their store credit card, it wasn't available for me to use.

What do I think happened?

Given the declining profit of  of store cards, I feel that the in-house card was quietly phased out.  I could very easily be wrong about this.  But when I redid the order and decided to buy two dresses of the same style, I noticed that the store card option was no longer listed in the payment options.  Could this be related to Visa/Master Card/Discover/American Express all offering cash back cards?  It could be, as store cards do not offer the same value in rewards as major credit cards do, and they can only be used in one company's operations.

I wonder when my other store cards will bite the dust....

 

 

PS: The order was placed, and I did receive the dress.   I must have been extremely tired when I placed that order.

By the time I got to try it on, it was sold out.

 

I was trying to find this dress at Lane Bryant, so that I could try it on and make a decision whether to buy it or not. Although the blue dress is in stock, the dress above is not.  This means that I may end up buying a different dress from Avenue in a similar color, or buy this dress in a different color.

It's just as well that they didn't have this dress in stock.  If it had been, I might have bought it on an impulse.  Over a quarter century since my late wife died, I understand the allure of shopping for new clothes.  It's fun to decorate yourself in new ways - something most men do not understand.  Although I can say no to most impulse purchases, there are a few items that shout "Buy Me!" that are very hard to resist.  And I've been lucky NOT to fall prey to too many of these purchase opportunities.

Given that my closets are overflowing with clothes, I think I got lucky in NOT being able to buy this dress....

- - - - - -

On other matters, the son of someone I know just earned his medical degree.  Congratulations!   Too bad that I will forever be on the outs with his mom.  Yet, when I was coming home from the store tonight, I asked myself - what did I like about this woman?  And the one answer that came up was that I thought that she accepted me as I am.  Yes, I ruined our friendship.  But in her angry attacks over the past 2 1/2 years, I found out what she really thought of me.  We didn't have that much in common.  But I liked her anyway.

- - - - - - 

Going to Lane Bryant, I had an hour long chat with TCL.  Towards the end, I told her of a conversation I had with FH, documented in a prior entry.  TCL agrees with me about FH - and I didn't even tell TCL who I was talking about.  Sadly for FH, she will never understand why I didn't jump at the opportunity to be her "Plus 1" for a wedding she's attending next weekend.  I can't imagine having to get dressed up to go to a party where I know no one but my partner and put my relationship with RQS at risk.

Thinking of RQS, I mentioned our minor problems in Washington, DC.  TCL realized that we passed an early test of whether a relationship is good or not.  We were able to deal with a situation of moderate stress and work together well to resolve a problem.  I still keep my fingers crossed each time we may encounter another situation that could cause us some grief.  Hopefully, we'll keep passing these tests as time goes on....

Time in my life

 

Tonight, RQS and I were discussing how tired I get after a full day of work.  My exhaustion makes it impossible for me to take care of things during the week.  If it needs energy, I am not able to respond the way I used to after a full day of work as a computer technologist.  I only get one day during the week to get things done, with almost nothing done during the week.  AARGH!   I can't wait to retire for good, and that will take place soon.  I have a date set, but won't announce it until I have handed in my paperwork.

There is a part of me that keeps looking for new dresses to wear.  I was very surprised to see this dress on Avenue's site, as it is all cotton, and not polyester as their usual wont.  Will I buy this dress?  Possibly, but I have several similar dresses in my wardrobe that would make this a superfluous purchase.  Do I want to waste money?  Probably not.  Only time will tell.

Where can a zaftig woman shop now?

It's sad to see a store chain die - especially when it is one that you depended on for clothing that fits.  In my case, it was Catherine's, a brand of the Ascena Group.  This firm also owns the Lane Bryant chain, and will be keeping many of their stores open.  Unfortunately, there will be no Lane Bryant stores near me, nor will there be any stores left that cater to the larger, plus size woman.

Over the years, shopping has migrated to the internet.  For many, this has been a good thing.  But I've yet to believe that this is the case with women's clothing lines.  There is little standardization in sizes, and one firm's size 2X could be another firm's size 5X.  This is one of the many reasons why I didn't like a former friend buying clothes for me.  Not only did this former friend's taste differ from mine in important ways, but she didn't know how to make sure something would fit me (or look good on me) once it was given to me.  Her heart was in the right place for the most part, but she didn't understand that I didn't want to get caught up in needless gift giving - her friendship was the gift I valued most, not the goods she gave me.  Since this woman is no longer a friend, I have the memories of the friendship and some of the little gifts I found use for.

In the past, I never thought twice of making a run to The Avenue in Newburgh, Catherine's in Paramus, or any one of the many Lane Bryant stores.  By the time you read this post, The Avenue will have been gone for almost a year, all Catherine's stores will be closed, and only a handful of Lane Bryant stores will be left open.  Even so, it was a shock to see the Lane Bryant in the Palisades Park Mall in West Nyack devoid of 90% of its merchandise.  I thought that was going to be one of the few stores that would have survived.  But with internet shopping the way it is, and the Pandemic hurting Mall sales, I shouldn't have been surprised to see this store being closed.

Luckily, I get a lot of paper catalogs from "successful" online sales outlets such as Woman Within and Ulla Popken.  However, once I lose weight, I'll probably internet order the plus size offerings from Talbot's and JJill.  Eventually, if I get to a size 18 and stabilize at that figure, I'll probably invest in a few Eileen Fisher outfits.  But that won't be for a couple of years....

I didn't plan on buying a new pair of boots. But they were so comfortable!

The other day, I decided to go to a meetup in Connecticut.  I could have spent the day with JS, but I said I was going to a Saturday meetup.  Yet, by the time I got moving, it was too late to go to the meetup.  So I ended up going to Catherine's instead.

Driving on New Jersey's back roads can take an extra half hour to get to where you want to go.  But when roads like Route 4 and Route 17 are jammed with holiday traffic, it actually makes sense to take back roads to get to the shopping malls.  And that's what I did on the Saturday before Christmas.

As I expected, they were having a "last minute" sale, with their clothing priced the same as it was on "Black Friday". So I looked over most of what was in the store, and I didn't see much that said "Buy Me!"  However, I saw a couple of sweaters I had previously bought selling for less than I paid for them previously.  Instead of buying a third in a color I didn't have, I went to the back of the store where I fount a pair of boots in a size 12-W.  Normally, I don't look at women's 12-W shoes, as they are usually a little bit snug on me.  But this time, the 12-W boot at Catherine's fit perfectly.  And at half price, the boot was perfect for my needs. So they jumped into the trunk of my car with a couple of pairs of socks that I can wear with other informal women's shoes.

Sometimes, its nice to be able to spend a little more than expected on something one didn't plan on buying.  I will likely get more use out of these boots than the ones I bought from the Avenue....

I went shopping the other day.

No matter what happens between GFJ and I, I figured that I'd play it safe and buy her a Christmas present.  Shopping to buy her a gift is the one type of lie I will tell her.  But if things go totally sour, I can always exchange the sweater for one in my size.  (That is one advantage of being transgender - I am familiar with the offerings in stores that cater to women, and know when something good is on sale at a reasonable price.)

A common complaint among many plus size cisgender women is they have nowhere to shop for clothes in person.  Dress Barn is closing (at the time I'm writing this) by the end of the year. The Avenue stores have all closed down, though there is still an on-line presence for that store.  That leaves a diminished version of Catherines selling clothing staples, and Lane Bryant selling more trendy clothing targeted to the younger plus sized woman.  While at the store, one of the salesladies mentioned some of the complaints (not at Catherine's) that former Avenue shoppers have, now that that chain has closed up shop.  These women feel that they have nowhere to shop anymore.

In that conversation with the saleslady, she mentioned that she liked the coat I was wearing, and that she wished that her store carried such merchandise. Although the store was filled with coats, none of them had the look of the classic wool coat.  She complained that district management had no idea of what customers wanted in the stores, and that no one listens to what is going on where it counts - in the stores.  I'm afraid that if this company keeps ignoring its front line, that it will end up just like the Avenue.  And that'll be a damned shame.

As it stands, I have a large enough supply of women's clothes to last me for a while (in my present size).  Hopefully, the owners of Catherine's and Lane Bryant will figure out how to make more money from their stores and keep more of them open....

A busy Middle of the week.

The day of the dead is coming up, and it gave me the inspiration to use this picture taken at a recent meetup to start the post.    Next time I'm in the place, I'll get a better shot of the painting....

- - - - - -

Tuesday was a busy day for me.  Not only did I have a LGBT Career Fair in NYC that I planned to attend, but I also had dinner with the Beacon Dining Meetup group.  I'd be putting in a lot of miles on the car by the time I was home for the night.

My alarm woke me up around 8:00, but I didn't bother getting up quickly.  Yet, I was catching up with things on my computer when the second alarm rang 30 minutes later.  So when I turned off this alarm, I dismissed all waiting alarms for the day, went back to the computer, and sat at my desk until 10:00.  Then and only then did I relax for about 45 minutes before I started to get ready to go into NYC.

I wasted a lot of time preparing for the career fair, and didn't have that many dresses available to me that I'd want to wear on an interview.  And I settled on a black dress that, accessorized correctly, could be worn formally or casually depending on the nature of the occasion.  So, shortly after 11:00, I started in to NYC, and arrived at the LGBT Center a little after 1:00.

This year's career fair was more crowded than in years before.  This time, it was even more focused for the needs of young adults (which is what I'd want if I were running things) and not old ladies trying to reenter the workforce.  My old employer was there, and I was tempted to stop by and chat.  But, given that if I were to end up getting a job with them (an extremely unlikely event), I'd lose my pension benefits.  And that's not going to happen if I can help it.  Unfortunately, this visit to NYC was a waste of time, save for something unrelated to job searches....

If I decide to take the subway into NYC, I usually try to park near Ex-GF-M's place.  The neighborhood is safe (as far as I can tell), and nearby parking is usually available.  When I returned from Manhattan, I decided to look inside the windows of her old place.  Inside, I saw that the old oak floors had been torn up (3 dogs not walked enough did a lot of damage), and plywood was laid where solid oak floors once were.  Ex-GF-M's brother was right when he said that the entire building had to be gutted - the place was a disaster with I last saw Ex-GF-M alive, and I can only imagine the problems that he and his sister are having dealing with the estates of Ex-GF-M's mother in law and Ex-GF-M.  I'm glad that this is not my headache!

Next, it was home to get comfortable for an hour, and then to make it to the Meetup.  I was lucky enough to be seated near two new members, and had an opportunity to speak a bit with one of them.  This lady (who I'll call R for now) is a divorcee and attends a few meetups, one of them being GFJ's dining meetup.  I'll have to be very careful about what I say when with her, as I don't want to relate GFJ's story in any way - for her privacy and mine.  The second lady (who I'll call D for now) and I chatted on our way to our cars.  Hopefully, both ladies will be back soon.

All too soon, it was time to leave.  I tried to reach GFJ again, but her phone must have been in use.  If my former friend and I didn't have our blowout, I'd have given her a call.  But I'm not going to do that.  Instead, I'll remove her number from my car's speed dial, and then find a way to block her calls if she tries to call me.  I don't need her drama, and she doesn't really want my friendship on reasonable terms.

- - - - - -            - - - - - -            - - - - - -

Wednesday came, and I didn't bother going to the bank in the morning as I planned.  Instead, I didn't wake up until 11:00, and dillydallied until 2:00.  Then I got dressed and went to the LGBT center to do my volunteer stint.  This week, it was checking out the prices of books, so that the center could sell the "valuable" ones via Amazon.  I've done this before, and it's a time consuming, mindless task.  But it does help, as they make a few dollars each time they sell a book.  Every dollar helps....

When I was done at the center, I went home and took care of some long neglected laundry.  By the time I was done, it was a little after 9:00, and I laid down to rest.  GFJ called me around 10:00, and we chatted for a while.  I mention this, as she will be going away tomorrow morning, and it'll be much harder for us to chat while she's away attending a wedding in North Carolina.

- - - - - -            - - - - - -            - - - - - -

I was already awake for a couple of hours when GFJ called me on Thursday morning.  She called at the wrong time - just as Perry Mason was about to reveal "who did it."  But I was not annoyed.  Instead, I was glad that she thought of me before spending another 6-7 hours on the road with her sister.

Eventually, I started getting ready to go out.  Around 12:30, I got moving and took my shower for the day and started getting dressed.  However, I had to start the day out as Mario, as I had to visit a bank branch to take care of a matter that required face to face contact with a service representative.

I was dressed and out the door by 1:15 or so.  Since the bank is down the hill from me, I figured that I'd be back home with more than enough time to change into Marian mode and make it to speech therapy - and I was right.  I met with the platform officer, and the bank paperwork took me about 15 minutes. I had everything ready to go, and all I had to do was answer the usual KYC (Know Your Customer) questions used to make sure I'm on the up and up (no money laundering allowed) AND to get marketing information so that they can sell me new products.

After a quick change, I was out the door as Marian around 2:30, and down at Mercy at 3:00.  No matter how much I mark 3:00 in my schedule, I'm likely thin that the session starts at 3:30, as that was the original schedule for the start of the weekly session.  This week, the session used a computer, a microphone, and some software to help show me where my voice was going.  I was well into the androgynous pitch range, reaching some tones that typical cisgender males don't reach.  So I have gotten much better since I first started down the path to have a feminine voice.

- - - - - -

Once done at Mercy, I decided to drive over to Central Avenue to see if the Yonkers Avenue store was still in business - it was not.  So I went over to the bookstore to get a cup of coffee and to kill time.  While there, I got into a conversation with a lady at a neighboring table, and our chat was going very well until her son called.  That was my cue to leave for game night.  So I bid her a fond adieu, and trekked over to Stew Leonard's to pick up something for the gang to nibble on. And then, it was over to play games.

As usual, I did poorly with the games.  But, I enjoyed myself.  Once done playing games, I chatted with the hostess about my recent interview and about my low-key job search.  She gave me some ideas of what to say in a cover letter, so that my resume would be seriously examined, in order to get me an interview.  If I could get that, I'd have a shot at getting the job.  After telling the hostess that I'm now interviewing as Marian, she noted that in many non-profits, that my transgender status would not be a problem.  Hopefully, she's right.  It'd be nice to get a job working as Marian on a regular schedule.