It's hard to keep up with my friends and family, but....

 

Ever since I've been "post retirement" working, I'm finding it impossible to get together with many of the people I'd like to be with.  Last year, it was the pandemic.  This year, it's been work exhaustion.  What will it be next year?

What I find strange is that the older I get, the harder it is to meet with people.  Some of the people I know are dying off.  Some are moving away to retirement residences (in low tax states).  Then, some are taking care of others, and not able to get out to do things for themselves.  In short, everyone has a life, and we're all trying to make as productive use of our time as possible.

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Recently, I got together with FH after several weeks of looking for a time we could get together.  We had a nice day talking about life and catching up on things.  Of course, I wasn't going to screw up a day with MWL to spend a Saturday with her.  Vicki #2 is impossible to meet up with these days, as she has important family problems of her own that she's dealing with.  And I haven't seen my brother in what seems like ages.  We all have responsibilities that we have to manage, and I respect my family, friends, and acquaintances for doing just this.

The other day, I found out that a cruise I was thinking of taking was sold out. As a result, I realize that I now have an opportunity to see some people I haven't seen in years.  The first is a transwoman I know who has cancer.  I know her through a woman who once was a close friend.  If I see this transwoman, it will have to be soon, as I know what cancer can do to a person.  In better times, I'd offer a seat to this former friend on my trip. It's doubtful that the two of us could be civil long enough to visit my acquaintance - so I will not even suggest it. (Neither of us were pleased by our last communication, and I don't want a repeat of this incident.)  Since it doesn't make sense to gamble on being in this city just for the sake of visiting this acquaintance, I'll make sure that I'll visit the usual tourist spots and get together with someone I met on one of my cruises.  The second person I'd meet is a train buff who reads this blog.  It'd be nice to catch up with her in Baltimore when I finally get to visit the B&O Railroad museum.  If I was lucky on this part of the trip, I'd also get to meet a transwoman (and her wife) who I haven't seen since my only trip to Fantasia Fair.

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Several people I know have moved to Florida over the years.  I am not in a rush to go there.  But when I do, I will try to visit them.  Yet, assuming I do, I will need to make sure that my trans identity doesn't get in the way of doing things.  It'd be nice to see YGM again....

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Years ago, my wife and I went to the wedding of the daughter of my late uncle once removed.  (That is, my grandmother's brother's daughter, my cousin once removed.)  I don't remember much about that day, save that we didn't get to the church on time.  Since then, her dad, then her mom passed away.  My brother and I talked about going to visit her, but never did.  Hopefully, I will get the chance to see her soon.

 

 

 

I am totally exhausted from a job which requires little physical effort

 

One of the reasons I may quit my job is that I'm totally exhausted at the end of the day.  Although the job is not physically or mentally demanding, it saps the energy out of you.  If I can say one thing about this job it will be that I was given the chance to work as Marian, with only one (or two) people knowing that I am still legally Mario.

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Each day, I write out a long list of things to do - and then never get around to doing them.  It's part of my coping mechanism to deal with the boredom of my job.  Today, I was given the new responsibility of indexing family court documents.  (I don't bother reading what's inside these docs, as there is nothing I can legally talk about, nothing I want to remember, other than the fact that these documents pass past my eyes.)  Like another type of legal documents I've indexed, I look for two fields on/in each document, enter them into the database, and move onto the next document.  I am just a small part of the process.  Try doing this for 8 hours at a stretch, and you'll know how a job that requires no physical exertion can be exhausting.

With this being said, this work is an essential part of keeping our courts running.  The information in these documents must be preserved for "x" years, and warehouses would be bursting open if they had to keep all these documents in physical storage.  This is why my firm exists - to make the process of going paperless easier for the organizations that use our services.  And I'm glad I've been able to work for them for the past several months.

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Sooner or later, virtually all documentation will be electronic.  Then, the big consideration will be keeping the documents secure in electronic storage.  Can governments trust a private cloud?  What about private businesses?  Will the data repositories be safe from hackers?  We are entering a new age, and I'm not sure of whether we are prepared for the problems coming our way....

 

Game night came a little early this month.

 

The above picture has nothing to do with the subject of this entry.  I just thought it nice enough to be posted, and a reminder of travels I once made before the pandemic changed everything.

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Normally, game night is two weeks on, then two weeks off.  This month, the host made a minor mistake in scheduling, and we ended up getting together one week early.  That is more than OK with me, as I was there in time to play a game from the beginning AND play it until it came to a natural end.

The host and hostess of game night are good people, and I have signed some papers which should benefit their children if something bad were to happen to my family before I die.  Hopefully, this situation will never come to pass.  But it if does, I know of two people who will remember me even more fondly than they do now.  And this couple accepts me as Marian, not caring that my legal identity is still Mario....

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I've been going to game night for the better part of a decade now, and am considered one of the core group of people they will invite into their house to play games.  It's nice to be considered someone people wants to have around. 

Things can get to a healthy normal, but....

 

Yesterday, I had dinner with a friend who knows me only as Marian, but knows that Mario exists. She is 80 years old, and has had her vaccinations against Covid.  In passing, she mentioned that she has rarely gone out to eat with anyone since the pandemic started, and is masked going everywhere.  So I was very glad that she took the chance to have a bite to eat with me.

Both of us know the risks of being unvaccinated, and are very upset at when is going on in this country.  It doesn't take that much to reach a stage of normalcy - we've had it for a while in the Northeast due to our high rate of vaccination.  But this could end very quickly if a variant were to breach the vaccines' defenses and get most people sick (with symptoms).  At 80, my friend knows she has 10 years or so left to live a healthy life.  But what about me?  My dad lived to 92, and that gives me almost 30 years I should expect to live.

I know that I will eventually have problems getting out and about.  And at that time, I will have some hard decisions to make.

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The other day, I interviewed with the NYS Court System for a position.  Today, I got the rejection latter that I expected.  (Can anyone say "Ageism?")  Luckily, I didn't need the job, and I hope that it goes to someone who can be in that job for more than 5 years or so.

This event frees me up to plan for a Hawaii cruise later in the year.  If people get smart, they will get vaccinated and will wear their masks - and the number of sick people will drop to levels where I will feel safe in taking the cruise.  However, if people keep being stupid, I'll play it safe and book a different cruise when the illness rates are at a level I feel safe in booking a cruise.

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My friend Vicki and I have felt comfortable dining out throughout the pandemic.  When the authorities loosened restrictions enough for us to dine indoors, that's what we did.  But there are people who took unrealistic chances, such as members in one meetup group whose meetings I never attended and never will.  I only wonder how many of these people will feel if they are told to isolate themselves again.  Will they do so?  Frankly, it's hard for me to give much of a damn, as I am not part of the group.  However, what I'll miss is the chance to do things with Vicki.

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Life involves making choices and hoping for the best.  One has to make tradeoffs.  One person I know wants a soul mate to keep her from being lonely.  The woman I dined with last night wouldn't know what to do with a man if one were interested in her - she doesn't want to become anyone's nurse at this stage of her life.  She has chosen to be a complete person without a partner.  She has made some important tradeoffs to do this.  And I think she'll eventually die (hopefully, not for a long time) with few regrets in her life.  Isn't this the type of person that can inspire us to be better versions of ourselves?  I certainly think so.

People enter and leave your life for a reason - I just wish I knew what those reasons were.

 

The title of this entry may say it all.   

I once dated a woman who broke up with me, and then resumed our intimate relationship.  (I'm talking about Patty here.)  She may have been trying to get my attention, and then again, she may have had second thoughts about what she did after she did it.  When I finally broke things off later on, it was several years before we were in contact again.  And then, it was because she had a surgical procedure that prevented her brain from being starved of blood.  Recently, someone mentioned a symbolic breakup as a tactic for getting the attention of the other partner, and I would advise against it.  The partner may assume that the breakup is complete, and prematurely start the process of moving on.  In the case of Patty, we were able to reconnect as friends, and we still get together to this day.

Not all exits are permanent, as my experience with Patty shows.  However, some exits are permanent.   Years ago, I was close friends with a fellow who yearned to be a Lutheran Minister.  I was instrumental in his attempts to convince his parents that a career in Medicine, Law, or Accounting wasn't for him.  He demonstrated that a degree in Computer Science would always make it possible for him to find work, and his parents didn't protest too loudly when he followed his calling, getting his Doctor of Divinity degree, and set himself up as a local parish's minister.  Although his parents are long gone, and I haven't seen him or his wife in over 25 years, I can safely say that they should be proud of what their son has accomplished. Hopefully, I'll be able to take a long weekend at the Jersey Shore and visit him one last time (at his parish) before he retires.

Some exits are unpleasant, as in the case with one of my former friends.  I will not go into any of the details here, as I've talked way too much about her in the past.  In some of these cases, one wishes s/he could rewrite the past.  But that's not possible.  These are teachable moments - where one should learn what not to make, so that these kind of exits won't happen again.  Recently, I made a comment about one former acquaintance, noting that she spoke and wrote loudly.  This was one of the rare times where I wanted to disconnect from someone who could not be a true friend.  For the most part, I try to avoid unpleasantness, but it seems to happen no matter what I do.

Most of the people who enter my life enter as a result of some trauma they have experienced, or as a way to deal with some of the stresses they are dealing with.  I can say this is true about several of the girlfriends I've dated, but won't go into the details here.  Those people who have already gotten their acts together look for someone in a better place than I am.  As a result, I'm left to help others deal with their problems.  Sometimes, I can do so.  Other times, it's too much for me - as in the case of FH.  Her problems were related to her personality.  Yet, I found her interesting enough to hang out with for the better part of a year.

If you look at the picture at the top of this entry, it is the image of a British artist (Grayson Perry) after being being awarded his CBE title from Prince Charles.  I would love to have a woman support me in my endeavors such as his wife (pictured on his immediate right). This couple has been together for years, and have raised a beautiful daughter together. Luckily for me, I have been able to maintain a motley crew of friendships as people enter and exit....

Dumpsters and injuries

 

What would you do if you accidentally tossed your key chain into the dumpster?  That's the question I was forced to answer the other day as I was about to go out.  

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Imagine the following situation: 

It was a holiday weekend, and no help was available to me.  Getting in and out of the dumpster would be a problem, and I wasn't sure of how foul smelling the refuse deposited there would be.  I needed the keys to get back inside my apartment, and I was already running late to meet up with someone and go out to dinner.  What would you do?

Well, for a big T-Gal like me, I got to the front rim of the dumpster, applied all my weight, and tipped over a 800+ lb. dumpster.  It would be the only way for me to sort through the trash.  (Too bad that I didn't have a good way to upright the dumpster afterwards.  Thankfully, it was almost empty.)  In the process of tipping over the dumpster, I fell flat on my back and injured my tail bone.  Sitting would be very uncomfortable for the rest of the night.  

Eventually, I found my keys, and tried to find some people to get the dumpster upright again.  Sadly, I couldn't do this.  After the weekend, I will call my complex's super to see what could be done.  And if it costs the co-op money, I will reimburse the co-op for its expenses.

 

 

PS: I laid in bed all the next day to avoid aggravating my injury.  When I did have to bend or flex, my lower back reminded me that it was hurting and that I needed to take it easy. 

PPS: When I got home from work (following the long weekend), I noticed that the dumpster was uprighted.  I'll have to find out whether it cost the co-op any money to do this, and I'll reimburse the appropriate people.

 

 

So mundane...

 

One of the more mundane things I have to do each year is to get my car inspected.  It's usually not a headache, but I dread it because of the unknown - what expensive thing could be wrong with my car, and how quickly can it be fixed.

Today, I took my car in for its yearly inspection, along with an oil change, tire rotation, and wiper replacement.  And I got out of there for only the expected price.  No, this is not a negative comment about a bad mechanic.  Instead, it is a positive statement on how a reputable shop services its clients. After spending $2,000-$3,000 in the past year to keep my car in good operating condition, I expected that my car would pass inspection - and it did.

A friend in New Jersey felt that New York's system is much more convenient than the system used there.  That may be true.  But New Jersey's system has a bias towards honesty in its inspections.  The inspection stations have nothing to gain by failing a car.  The mechanics get paid no more or less if a car passes or fails inspection.  Contrast this with New York, where some inspection stations employ unscrupulous people out to make money from cars failing inspection.

What do you think about your state's method of getting unsafe cars off the road?  I'd love to find out....

 

PS: Shortly after I went out for the evening, the TPMS Warning (Tire Pressure Monitoring System) showed up on my car's display.  It looks like I'll be going back to the mechanic sometime next week if this doesn't reset by itself.