Dreams

 

For those of you who don't know me that well, I rarely dream when I sleep.  This could be due to an inability to go into deep sleep.  Or, it could be something else I've had for ages.  As long as I feel healthy, I don't care much, as a good sleep can be quite restful.

Years ago, I fell asleep on a train and felt that I was having a conversation with my late wife.  I felt wide awake and totally aware of my circumstances, and this dream made me feel quite good - until I asked one question: How could I be having this conversation when you passed away?  Then, POOF! she was gone.  

I've changed a lot over the years, and I can say that a lot of the time I've been a total jerk without realizing it.  Other times, I realized it after it was too late and couldn't stop.  And this leads to a dream I had recently.

Now for some background.

I met this couple at an AOL widows/widowers gathering about 26-27 years ago.  They eventually got married, and the gentleman adopted his wife's son.  This son has a visual impairment which will prevent him from ever driving.  As such, he will likely live near a big city for the rest of his life, due to transportation issues.  The day that the couple adopted their other son, their house caught on fire, and they were living in temporary digs for a year while their house was rebuilt.

At the time this was going on, I was dating Ex-GF-M, a woman who was morbidly obese. We planned to go to the couple's celebration of being able to return home, but I got the date and time wrong - but still arrived at the party late.  I didn't have the self esteem to simply leave my to be ex at the time - this is a big problem when a person has an unhealthy relationship glued together by a mutual addiction (food).  But I was aware of it, and was trying to get up the gumption to leave.

Well, I mentioned this to the couple (who were both obese as well), and was later cut off from being Facebook friends.   Could this be because I was a jerk in other ways without knowing it?  Could it have been because they saw my rejection of my then GF as an insult to them?  Who Knows?

Now to the present.

I have lost contact with this couple, and wouldn't mind being in loose contact again. The other night, I had a dream involving this couple.  They hadn't been on my mind for ages.  Could my subconscious be trying to tell me something?

So I wonder?  Should I try to reach out to this couple?  Should I address the elephant in the room from the past?  Again, who knows?  For all I know, it could be a signal that something bad has happened to them - but with no real evidence that this could be so.  Yet, I'd like to get some closure on the past.   And I'd like to apologize for being a jerk when I knew them.

Lunch with CCS (a quick post)

 

CCS and I got together for lunch today.  However, we changed the original location for lunch so that she could have more time for lunch, and still make an appointment near to the restaurant.

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Lately, I've been waking up early and not falling back to sleep after a early morning Bio-break. As a result, I wasn't necessarily interested in getting out of bed or having lunch.  But I did so, and got to Briarcliff Manor at 12:30 - and still was there a minute or two late.

Lunch was good, as my Gyro had enough meat and salad stuff in it to be tasty.  I should have had the rice with the gyro, as there was too much greenery on the plate to enjoy properly.  We caught up on what was going on in each other's lives, and she had a pair of tickets to offer for two Motown acts performing at Mohegan Sun.  So, I contacted RQS afterwards, and she said yes to rescheduling things we had planned for the weekend.  (And I was looking forward to a German dinner at Zum Stammtisch.)

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After lunch, I called my doctors office to get a prescription renewal.  (I'll have to call back for a yearly exam.)  Then it was home for a nap.  Although I planned to do laundry tonight, I didn't wake up in time to do it before the 10 pm deadline.  That'll be another task for the morning.

Lunch and Dinner with friends, interrupted by a walk around a mall.

 

Today was marked by two meals out.  Lunch was with MSJ (My friend from the imaging firm I once worked for) and Dinner was with Vicki #1.  I'm lucky I had extra money to spend, as I have another lunch scheduled for tomorrow.

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MSJ and I scheduled today's lunch, so that I could review and comment on her resume. For the most part, it is a good representation of her career, and had few areas needed changing.  The first was was to change her phrasing into

Action → Result

from

Result → Action

This was the easiest thing to do.  But then, we had to figure what could safely be pruned from her resume without significant loss of demonstrated skill sets.  And this forced us to leave in a job or two which she'd like to skip over, and forward fill some dates from self employment to allow her to omit an unwanted job.  Additionally, we changed a reference of a subsidiary to that of a corporate parent, to make her employment appear as she worked for fewer organizations.  

Hopefully, the edits I expect that she'll be making will help her get a new job.  We've scheduled another lunch to review her edits.

- - - - - -

Vicki called just as I was going to spend a little time at Woodbury Commons (outlet mall) to do some browsing.  Although the trip to the mall was a waste of time and car mileage, I was able to chat with Vicki for a while and schedule dinner for the evening.

While at the outlet mall, I found nothing interesting to buy.  Everything was either overpriced status brands, or clothing which would not fit me.  As I was walking back to my car, the front part of my right shoe separated from its base.  Since these were cheap shoes, I decided to trash them when I got home instead of fixing the sole with glue. To kill a little more time, I decided to write up meeting minutes for last night's co-op board meeting, and rest a little before going to the diner to meet Vicki.

- - - - - -

We met at the local diner, and both of us had the chicken.  She had grilled chicken breasts, while I had the roast.  Both were good.  And we grumbled about the short term mentality of the American public, and how America's greatest snake oil salesman will  likely hurt people like us.  It'll take a while for our anger to burn itself out.  But then, can you blame us given the radical changes he promises.  To make things worse, he will likely never be punished for the crimes he committed, as his party refuses to discipline him.

We left the diner around 8:45 pm.  From there, I took a little drive (adding more needless mileage to my car), and saw how Route 9A was being diverted in both directions onto other roads.  Needless to say, I took different side roads to get back home for the night. 

PS: One thing Vicki noted: When I'm with her, I defer to an alpha as a cisgender female tends to do.  When RQS is around, she defers to me in a similar way - regardless of my gender presentation. 

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Enjoy your turkey with family and friends. I'll be back tomorrow.

Seeing RO for a Bacon Cheeseburger

 

 

I looked nothing like this today. It would have been nice to go out in a nice dress, but the weather was too cool to wear anything other than a trouser like garment.  But I had to go out - I had to drop RQS off at the train station, then I had to drive to Parsippany, NJ to have lunch with RO.

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RQS and I got up early, and we were out the door in time for her to make a 10:42 am train.  From there, I drove out to Parsippany where I was running 30 minutes early.  So, I decided to run into Home Sense and do shopping.  20 minutes later, a new broom and dustpan found their way into the back of my car, and then I was off to see RO.

RO and I were meeting at one of the last Fuddruckers in the Northeast.  I miss this chain, as they always had great hamburgers.  However, due to corporate takeovers and mismanagement, the chain has shrunk to a fraction of its former size. Luckily, there is one near the halfway point between RO's place and mine  She was in the parking lot when I arrived, and we walked in together for lunch.

Although this outlet has seen its better days, it still serves up a good burger - but slowly.  RO ordered her burger and got it quickly,  As for me, it took a long while to cook my burger - and I ordered mine within 60 seconds of RO.  Eventually, we sat down to eat, and we caught up on each other's lives.  Both of us were scarred from the political polarization going on, and I feel I might have talked too much about things.  She's retreating from things that annoy her in a different way that I am doing.  So, I hope that I didn't say too much to upset her.

Eventually, we had to part.  But we didn't set a date for a next get together, as holiday season is coming up.  RO drove back to Pennsylvania, while I drove home with an unproductive stop at Lane Bryant in Paramus.  While driving home, I started getting sleepy.  So I ended up pulling off the road before getting home and napped for 30 minutes before making the last few miles home.

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A little later, I opened up my co-op's board meeting, and we conducted some important business.  First, we interviewed an applicant to purchase shares in the co-op.  And then we met with our soon to be former site representative.  None of us were really happy about the things being discussed, but they had to be discussed without delay.  Were we happy about things?  No.  But we did get what we wanted to do done before ending the meeting.

The weekend seemed way too short for us. (a short post)

 

Veterans Day.  Neither of us had any idea of what we wanted to do.  So, we ended up relaxing in the morning, then going shopping in the afternoon. To us, it was like having a second Sunday during the week, and we took advantage of it.

This was going to be a day spent as Marian, so I made sure to make myself look as nice as possible while looking comfortable. It was not a day to have one's legs exposed, so I decided to wear a pair of leggings under a dress I like using as a tunic top.  Is this what I would prefer to wear?  No.  But who likes having to wear fall/winter weather clothing?

Our first stop was the Mt. Kisco Target, where I bought a few items I would need for my makeup routine.  That's where we fond out that the CVS Pharmacy inside the store was so independent from Target, that the crew inside the pharmacy area didn't have a clue in which aisle RQS could find items she was looking for.  So, we trekked down to the CVS near the Mt. Kisco hospital, where remodeling got in the way of her finding the same items.  But she was in luck - those items were on the shelves, and made it into her shopping cart.

Then it was time for a rest before going out to the local Japanese restaurant to eat.  Both of us were full by the time we left the place, and both of us wanted sleep more than anything else. We were in for the evening, and felt good that we left the house when it wasn't needed.

Other than driving North, this was a do-nothing day. (a short post)

 

I had originally thought that RQS and I would have come up to Croton last night, and I'd be spending the rest of the weekend in Marian mode.  Plans got changed, as we ended up sleeping in Queens on Saturday, then running a couple of errands in Queens before driving North.

On the way back to my place, I called my brother's place and reached my sister in law.  Although she has her own issues, she gave me her interpretation of what is going on with her and my brother - and it's not good.  Hopefully, something will happen to bring them closer together instead of driving them apart.

Once done with my sister in law, we went to BJ's and put a major dent into each of our wallets.  And finally, we were back at my place.

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Seeing some of the TG blogs I often read, they are now running scared of the incoming administration.  I plan to be out and about as Marian as long as I feel safe.  But the minute I think it's not safe, I may shut down this blog - and pray for the best.  Until then, please don't despair.  Even when evil runs the world, it burns itself out over time.  We just have to be cautious in these troubled times, helping each other as needed when needed.