Thansgiving 2022

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

I figure that I'd take a break from my usual posts to wish all my readers a happy turkey day.  I'll be spending the day with RQS, and we will be going out for our holiday dinner with me presenting as a female.  It'll be nice to spend our first major holiday together in the way I feel most comfortable. 

I'm grateful to have friends who accept me for who and what I am.

 

This is a picture taken on Thanksgiving Day.  The daughter of our Host & Hostess caught a female praying mantis and is keeping it in a tank in their living room.  I accidentally knocked the paper cover off the tank. And in the precious few seconds it took me to cover it back up again, the mantis had escaped. By the time we noticed it was gone, it has encamped itself on the fireplace mantle, from where the daughter got control of it again.

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This year's Turkey Day was much more pleasant than last year.  Instead of trying to find a nice restaurant to eat at within a day or two of the holiday then scuttling those plans for Boston Market takeout because of FH's daughter's issues, it was nice to know I had a place to go to and a nice place to share a meal with friends.  (Did I ever mention that FH lives in an apartment that depresses me, due to its paint scheme, its clutter, and general style?) 

I am very comfortable around the host & hostess of game night, and they know and accept me for who and what I am.  And I am grateful that they invited me (and other game night friends) over to their house to celebrate Thanksgiving.  I'm even more grateful that they were able to accommodate Vicki as my plus one.  

Yes, much of the day was centered around food.  But there was also a lot of good conversation.  And for the first time, no games.  It just wouldn't have been right....

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am very grateful that I have almost made it through the pandemic in "good health."  Although there are things I've lost due to the pandemic, I am happy that my brother and his family got through the worst in good health. I am happy that my real friends made it through the pandemic safely.  And, most importantly, I am grateful not to have infected by the virus.

Unlike many people, I didn't have financial worries during the worst of things.  I appreciate this luxury that I had that many didn't have.  The only important worries I had were for the sake of others.  And most of those worries didn't turn into problems.  The friends and family that caught the virus recovered from it and are mostly OK.  (I can't say for sure if any have/do not have any long term symptoms.)  

Other than this, I don't have too much to say.  I'd rather focus on having a good dinner with people I care about....

Something to be thankful for, but....

 

What can I say about this Thanksgiving? It certainly wasn't what I would have wanted or planned. Yet, I am thankful for it....

Without going into all the other options that didn't pan out, there was one option that opened up to me too late for me to say "yes".  But I'd have rather this option had not opened up.  My friend, TCL, had invited one of her friends over to have a Thanksgiving meal with her at a local restaurant.  This gentleman is a little bit of a flake at times, but TCL made sure that I understood that her friend had a very good reason to skip the meal - he had to be admitted into the local hospital.  Although I can't go into any more details, TCL was able to show me that his situation was serious, and that he needed immediate treatment and care.  I wish I could have then said yes to TCL, but I already had plans with FH and didn't want to break them.

Many people might not have known that Boston Market was open (in a limited way) for Thanksgiving.  People had a very limited choice of meals, as the stores were doing Thanksgiving Feasts to go. Lines stretched out the doors, and out to the back of the stores. Yet, they moved quickly, as evidenced by the one I was on.  After picking up 3 meals (1 each for FH, her daughter, and me), I was off to Forest Hills for dinner.

Once I reached Queens, I decided to look for plastic utensils, so that we didn't need to clean up anything. I ended up driving through Flushing, and the area is even more built up and more like a part of Asia than I remember it being.  (The heart of Flushing is one of New York's newer Chinatowns, and I wanted to see what has changed since I was there last.)  Eventually, I made it to FH's place, and I was extremely lucky to find a place in front of her door.  Even more so, I was lucky that the door was open to her building, since both the doorman was on duty AND that the temperature was in the 60s when I arrived.

Even though I bought 3 meals, the only thing FH's daughter wanted to eat was the Mac & Cheese bowl I picked up.  The girl (she's 21) is a very picky person, and didn't even want to eat anything else on the table.  Once dinner was complete, FH and I went to her cousin's house for an outdoors holiday chat, and I eventually dropped her off at her place a little before 9 pm.

Would I have chosen this day, knowing how things would be?  Probably not.  But I am grateful that FH is comfortable introducing me to her cousin and his daughter. And I am grateful that I had this place to be on Thanksgiving, a holiday I could have easily spent alone and depressed.

 

 

An amazing lack of good information

 

The other day, I found out that Mario was dropped from one meetup group without explanation.  As much as my ex girlfriend claims she didn't have a hand in it, I have my doubts - there has been way too many weird coincidences in the timing of things, as if she's trying to gaslight me.  So be it.  I'd like to bury the hatchet, be able to attend this group as Mario, and still be civil and friendly towards this woman. (She said she'd not mind if I did so.)  But she won't help me with membership in the group.  So, sadly, too much bad blood may have been spilled, and she may hold a grudge that won't go away. Or, just maybe, she's very uncomfortable seeing me in any form, because she has regrets herself? (I won't go into more here, save that I was only looking to attend the group only to develop friendships.  But I'd have also liked the chance to show her that we could be in the same place and that nothing bad would happen.)

So, on Friday night, I wasn't able to sleep much   And I wished I could cancel my Saturday date with FH, as we'd be driving up to Woodstock for the day, then driving back to Queens to bring her home, and finally back to Croton to sleep.  Yet, this trip was worth it, as she had a good time, and that she realized that it's an extra 100 miles for me to drive, just to bring her home.  We discussed our Thanksgiving plans, and it finally looks like I'll pick up dinner at Boston Market, then bringing it to her place for our feast.

After a long drive on Saturday, I was amazed that I had the energy to see JM on Sunday. For this date, I met her in front of her apartment, and then drove to Greenwich Village to enjoy some sidewalk dining before it got too cold to eat outside.  As usual, JM and I had a good time, and we will likely meet again.  One potential problem is here - will she run away when she finds out I live part of my life as Marian?  I know one thing - she seems to like what she sees so far.                        

 

 

 

 

 

Being Thankful

 

I'd like to wish all of my readers a Happy Thanksgiving!

This is one of the rare entries which goes out on (or close to) the actual date I refer to in the post.  Yet, it expresses much about how I feel lately.

Earlier this year, I lost my dad because of the pandemic.  Yet, I'm grateful that he was my dad, and that he had 92 years on this planet.  Life is way too short.  Yet, in the grand scheme of things, my dad lived a full life.  And, most importantly, he raised two children to adulthood and made sure that they had the grit to take care of themselves after he was gone.  For that, I am grateful.

My brother has turned himself into a person I respect very much.  Even though we are very different in style and personality, I'm grateful that we have a good relationship.  No, we wouldn't have chosen each other as friends, as we don't have much in common.  But he is a good man, and someone I'm glad to know.

I'm thankful that I recently had 10 months of work with the census bureau, as I was able to replenish my bank account for future use.  It's nice to know that I have money enough to afford another vacation when the pandemic restrictions are gone.

I could go on and on about things today.  However, right now, I am more interested in the Thanksgiving dinner I expect to have with someone who could become very special over time.

 

   !

Some dates and no prunes

 

No, this is not the Maitre D' at either of the places I ate this weekend.  However, by the time the weekend ended, my wallet was almost as empty as the place the "fellow" is holding.

FH has a job where she works a Sunday through Thursday schedule.  This means that we have both Friday and Saturday in which to get together.  However, she is too drained from her job to meet on Fridays, so Saturday become our regularly scheduled date night.  This left me free to do things on Sundays.  This weekend, I met with JM and had a second nice date with her.

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The weekend opened up on Friday night, with the tire pressure idiot light coming on after dark.  Unfortunately, I was not going to take care of this issue in the dark while dressed in a LBD for dinner with Vicki. So I drove to Milton, NY for dinner with Vicki, and figured that I'd take care of the problem in the morning.

Saturday came, and I had to find the tire pressure gauge before driving to meet FH. After inflating the tire properly, I drove to Yonkers to pick her up, and then to Rhinebeck for a nice day in the country.  From there, we crossed the Hudson to drive through Kingston and then through New Paltz.  (I wasn't going to say how well I know the area because of the ex-girlfriend, so I talked in generalities.)  I figure that one day soon, she'll likely want to stay over my place, and that we can go to Woodstock for another trip to the Little Bear.  But I digress.  By the time we made it back to Forest Hills, about 8 hours had passed and I was very tired. So I made it back to Croton, and then to bed.

The next day, I wasn't much in the mood to go out of the apartment.  However, JM and I had a late lunch date in Pelham, and I wasn't in the mood to cancel it.  When we got there, there was no way we were going to eat outdoors due to the approach of inclement weather.  It was already too windy to enjoy dining outdoors.  So we ended up eating inside, about 25+ feet away from the only other customers in the place. Again, we ate and chatted for 3 hours, and decided to meet again.  I wish I had met her before I met other ladies, as this woman is a great catch.  Yes, she's out of my league for reasons I won't discuss here.  But if she were to like me enough to have a relationship, I'd feel very lucky to have a woman I could talk with for hours at a time.  However, given my transgender nature, I always have to hedge all of my bets.

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It looks like FH and I will be spending Thanksgiving together.  Hopefully, it will be a very pleasant day.  I'll make sure that my phone is set to "do not disturb" whenever I'm with any of the ladies in my life.

 

Thoughts related to several conversations I've had over the past few days

I've documented issues related to the loss of a friendship, the breakup of another, and thought's I've had about things in general.  Yet, I've never tied everything together for general consumption.  This is my attempt to put things into perspective.

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I've been dating GFJ for a little over 5 years. And we have hit some problems in our relationship. Since I'm writing this entry before Thanksgiving, I am making the assumption that both of us will be with our own families during holiday season. (This is now true.)  I'd have been happy to have had the same kind of relationship that Vicki #1's dad had with his girlfriend - two people in love with each other, but not sharing a common living space.  Each of us would have had the freedom to live our lives as we see fit, but would have had the knowledge that each of us would be there for the other.  I do not know where this will end up, nor do I know if this situation is permanent.  But I do think that we were better off with each other being in our lives, and I think that separating on a good note leaves us many more options than I have with my former cruise partner.

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To check whether I was going nuts or not, I described the situation with my former cruise partner to several of my other friends.  Several of these friends would have liked to see me find a way to patch things up with her, as she was a close friend for several years. However, other friends noted that this woman's actions were abnormally controlling, even though they could be viewed as simple caring from another perspective.

I react very poorly to being controlled by others, and I would push anyone away who'd try to do this to me.  I guess this goes back to childhood, when my mother didn't respect that other people (especially her children) had opinions that differed significantly from hers.  I can still remember being on the phone with a friend, saying that the fancy service at one Chinese restaurant we went to was a little off putting to me.  My mom got very upset at this, as my opinion was very different from hers, and started an argument which resulted in my dad telling her off for one of the few times that I remember him doing so.  Incidents like this created a situation where neither my brother nor I have any pleasant memories of her.  Nor do either of us miss her, almost 20 years after her death.

My former cruise partner is a control freak, but this never got to me until a series of incidents on our last cruise together (documented in my previous blog).  Describing these incidents in detail to my friends, the one I consider my main reality check told me that she was now very glad that she never met my cruise partner.  The little incidents would have been driven her nuts!  Then, this friend said that she understood why I severed contact the way I did - the relationship could no longer nourish me the way it once did, and I didn't want to cause either of us any more pain.

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I also related these events to HWV (in passing) when we went out for dinner the other night. She and HWJ started asking me about romance and my transgender nature - intimate questions that I have no problems answering, when asked by people I've gotten to know a little.  It's amazing how little the average person knows about gender dysphoria, gender presentation, gender identification, and gender preference.  For most Cisgender people, it's way too easy to take many things for granted.

This was an educational conversation, as much for me as it was for them, as I was in the proper setting to talk about things.  Could I have talked this way with GFJ?  Probably not.  This is the kind of conversation which would have her walking away to give me more space to live as Marian - even when I gladly make the trade-off to share my life with someone I love.  (Thankfully, my dysphoria is very mild, as it allows me to live in both genders as needed.)  In a way, I am very envious of one of my Facebook friends I met at Fantasia Fair. She has a healthy relationship with her wife, a relationship which would only break up if she decides to transition completely, both socially and medically.

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Now we get to my recent conversation with Pat.  As I've mentioned, she's an idealist who thinks she is a realist.  She's a person who believes in leftist conspiracy theories, and will only accept the idea of impossibly large changes without plans, and not the incremental changes that realists like me promote.  There are serious problems with the world right now, climate change being one of them.  Although I believe in climate change/global warming, I still consider it an incompletely proven theory - the same way Einstein's theory became useful, even if not proven completely.  Pat is the type of person who will get involved in every Liberal cause, including Black Lives Matter, and then think she is "Woke".  Often, she doesn't have much of a clue about what is really going on, as she seems to always be looking for her Lefty Gold Medal to be pinned on her chest.  This will never happen, as she has no clue about how to affect any change, because she doesn't know how to convince people that change is needed.

Years ago, I learned that politics is a skill of making possible things happen, and knowing what things are possible and what things are not.  To break down the idea of "Separate but Equal" in the courts, many smaller cases had to be brought before the Supreme Court, building up a foundation to overturn prior court rulings.  Pat has no clue about this technique, and would have blown it by putting everything together in a single court case - and then losing it.  Society needs time to process major changes, it needs a plan to implement those changes, and it needs time to sell those changes to a large enough population who will support it.  Pat would destroy the world we live in with her ideals, as she would not pay enough attention to the details or planning needed to get any meaningful changes done.

With all of this, Pat understands why I severed contact with my former cruise partner.  I've grown enough to live without an important crutch in my life.  Yet, she doesn't understand that my growth also allows me to see her for what she is, and accept her as such.  At the age of 78, I doubt that she ever will grow any further - her mind is set in its ways, she distrusts everything the world has been built on, and she can provide no meaningful or effective steps that will make this world a better place.  All she can do is tilt at her windmills and bask in her "wokeness".

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As with everything I write about, it all comes back to me.  Years ago, I searched for any romantic interest that would have me for a partner.  I settled for my wife, a good woman, someone who deserved someone better than me.  It took me years after I lost her to cancer to then be able to appreciate a good woman when she came into my life.  And yet, I wasn't able to read GFJ's mind and give her the relationship security she needed. (No, there is no way I could have read her mind.  But this is a problem with many relationships - not enough quality communication.)  Whatever happens with GFJ and I, I feel I have learned something I might be able to bring into another relationship (if I ever decide to pursue one again.)

Thanksgiving - And nothing got in the way to mar it except traffic.

I'm not sure of what I can and should say about today.  Nothing bad happened.  But part of me would rather have stayed in Westchester and taken advantage of an invite I had to spend the day with my friends from Game Night.

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Not sleeping well last night, I set the alarms to get me moving around 11 - and slept through my favorite TV show of the day.  I prefer the fictional courtroom drama of Perry Mason to the real life political drama going on today.  There is a part of me that always wants to see justice done, and real life doesn't provide enough of that for my taste.  By the time I finally got out the door, it was 1 pm, and I was about an hour late.

My drive to Long Island was uneventful until I reached the Bronx.  From there, traffic slowed to a crawl, and I was forced to get on side streets to make it to the bridge.  Once I was across the bridge, I went back onto side streets again to make it to my brother's place, arriving there at 3 pm, when I was expected at 2.  This was not a problem, as my brother had already picked up my dad from the nursing home, and the turkey was almost cooked.

We chatted about many things, and brought my dad back to the nursing home around 8.  One area of discussion covered addiction, choice of mate, and how relationships flounder. And that gave me an opening to discuss my criteria for choosing my late wife, my issues with Ex-GF-M, and some of the issues GFJ and I are having with each other.  (By my mention of complacency in the relationship, I avoided the need to talk about my transgender nature.) He touched on similar issues he had with his wife.  And we both (at different times) brought up our problems with my niece to make sure that she knows when to cut and run from a dysfunctional relationship.

Eventually, it was time to go home. And I hit only one small traffic jam on the way home.  On the whole, it was a good day - especially, since my brother was able to open up to me and that I didn't have to see my sister in law as expected.  (Nothing against her, save that her presence would have gotten in the way of my chat with my brother.)

Did I go to the first day of the Trans Forum? Nooooo.....

As usual, I've been having a hard time getting to sleep at night.  Last night, I was to blame, as I was editing this blog and taking care of little things well into the "third shift".  So when I woke up this morning, I turned off the alarms and stayed in bed until the afternoon.  As a result, I skipped today's session of the Trans Forum being held at the LGBT Center, and  gave myself a few more hours to rest before going into NYC to see my niece at the Rubin museum.

Around 3 pm, I started getting ready to meet my niece.  Although I took a little longer than usual to get ready, I was out the door by 5:10 pm, with an expected ETA at the museum of 7 pm.  Sadly, this was not to be.  At several points along my way, there were unexpected jams that made it impossible for me to conveniently reach Pelham for a train into NYC.  First, the Southbound Sprain Brook Parkway had a several mile backup leading to the Route 287 exit.  Once past the exit, it took several miles for traffic to resume highway speeds.  Once in Yonkers, traffic jammed up again, forcing me to bail at Tuckahoe road. So I decided to get on Route 87 - another mistake, as the exit for the Cross County Parkway was also backed up much more than usual.  Instead of a trip that gave me 15 minutes of wiggle room to reach the museum, I was running over 30 minutes late. When I finally reached Pelham, the 6:15 train had just left.  I had to wait for the 6:33, which itself was delayed getting into Grand Central.  It took 45 minutes to reach NYC, and another 20+ minutes on the Subway to reach the Rubin museum. 

My niece and I finally connected with each other about 45 minutes late - on a day that she was running an hour early.  At least, she was the one waiting on me for a change.  One thing we noted on this visit to the museum - it seemed as if there was less space being devoted to exhibits than usual.  But we still enjoyed the place, even though we were focusing more on our conversation than the art itself..

While walking around, we talked about many things.  One of these things was her family situation.  She was very uncomfortable thinking about it, so I dropped the topic as soon as I got the information I needed - it looks like my brother and my niece will be cooking for Thanksgiving this year.  So I'll have to do something for dessert.  (Maybe another batch of Chocolate Almond Brownies?)  What surprised me was that my sister in law might be there.  (I won't go into the reasons why I am surprised right now. Let's say that my brother didn't feel safe with her in the house a few weeks ago.)  Hopefully, I won't see her eldest son.  (He's a waste of genetic material, and offends me with his lack of basic intelligence.) I don't want to treat him with more respect than he deserves.

After we were done with the museum, we walked over to A Salt and Battery - a wonderful British style Fish and Chips place.  No atmosphere, but great fish.  And it was there that I talked about my situation with GFJ, as well as the situation with my former cruise partner that caused us to end our friendship.  My niece was shocked about this cruise partner's actions, having the same feelings that Vicki #1 had when I told her the full story. And my niece understood (in a different, but healthy way) why I had to disconnect from this woman and go on my own.  (My niece had to leave home for several years due to the insanity at home. As a result, she's not the kind of woman who'll put up with bullshit from anyone.)

All too soon, it was time to go home.  I accompanied her to Penn Station, where she caught a train home.  While I was on my train home, she texted me and told me how lucky she was.  The train after hers derailed as I remember her text, and all later trains were being backed up on the main line of the LIRR.  As for me, I had an uneventful trip to Pelham, and an uneventful drive home.