I was afraid I'd have to get my ear piercings redone - a short post

 

I bought the above jewelry in Hawaii, and it looks better on me than in this photo.  You'll notice that the earrings are for pierced ears.  Unfortunately, I hadn't worn any earrings in over a week and a half and I had trouble getting the hooks into the holes in my earlobes and gave up before going to dinner.

Getting my ears pierced was a big thing for me, as I had been afraid for a long while of the consequences of doing this.  Having studs in my ears would be obvious while presenting as Mario, and I didn't want anyone asking any questions.  I had thought about getting my ears pierced when I first started to go out as Marian, yet didn't do so.  A job that paid well could have been at risk, and the display of ear jewelry could have made my then bosses uncomfortable with me.  As it was, I was already on their hit list, and I was let go 10 years this coming May.

After being laid off, I was free to get my ears pierced, but still afraid to do so.  What would people think?  It took me another few years before I said "F**k It!" and stopped caring what people will think.  If I go to see my brother, my ears are unadorned.  But if I go out as Marian, I will try to hang something pretty from my earlobes.

Luckily, after I got home from dinner, I was finally able to get the earring hooks through my earlobes.  Now, I know that I have to do this more often, so that the hole stays easy to find and use.

Travel planning for next year and beyond

 

There are several trips that I want to take next year, and only one of them have been booked so far.

1. Norwegian Fjords Cruise (Booked)
2. California Coastal Cruise from LA (an excuse to visit my uncle)
3. San Francisco Long Weekend (an excuse to arrange a "Girls' Trip")
4. Bermuda Cruise (we didn't have the chance to explore enough)
5. DC or Philadelphia Long Weekend

Of these, the Norwegian Fjords Cruise is a must, as some of the most scenic fjords will be closed off to cruise ships beginning in 2025.  However, there are more trips that I want to take, and I see them taking place in 2025 and beyond.  Hopefully, an increasing number of these trips will be as Marian, as this is the identity in which I prefer to live.  But to do so, I will need to alter my legal identity to be more in sync with my gender presentation.  I figure that I have time to do this, as my passport has another 4 years on it.

- - - - - -

One of these days, I'd like to take a cross country car trip while I'm still physically able to do so.  Of course, that will mean that I must buy a car with a lot of life left on it - something I don't have today.  One of my friends from Texas does a few road trips during the year and finds interesting places to visit.  But, this requires planning, as one will need to schedule overnight stays carefully, so that unexpected detours/delays do not add to much to the expenses incurred during the trip.  Unfortunately, I would not be able to do this trip as Marian (save for being in the Northeast, Chicagoland, and the West Coast.  There is too much prejudice against transgender people in the "Red States" for me to risk being my authentic self in these regions.\

Eventually, I plan to make it back both to Hawaii and to Alaska, this time with RQS.  There are things I didn't get the chance to do the first time around that I want to do on my next time to these places.  For example, I'd like to visit the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor, as well as visit Juneau and to see the Mendenhall Glacier.  (I also want to visit Miss Dolly's when I visit Ketchikan again, but I digress.)  Yet, I can always say similar things about the cities and states I've visited, as I want to see the Money Museum at the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago, and have a bite to eat at the Hog's Breath Inn in Carmel, CA.

- - - - - -

Soon, I'll have to do some research to find out how much trouble I'd have traveling around the British Isles as Marian.  I'm told that it shouldn't be too difficult.  But I'm not so sure of that, as I'm fat, even for an American.  I still want to blend in, not stand out, when presenting as Marian.  Ideally, when we return from Great Britain, I'd be able to sail home on the Queen Mary 2 and be decked out in my feminine finest on formal nights.

Yet, I now have to worry about RQS's ability to travel.  She is 4 years older than I am, and I have to account for that in my plans.  When we make our travel plans, we'll have to plan to take trips with the more demanding physical activities sooner than later, as we might not be able to walk far in our old age. This last trip gave us an idea of what things will be like when one of us is unable to walk far.  And there is no way to prevent the natural deterioration of our bodies - only ways to slow down the declines in our abilities.

- - - - - -

Given that I seriously started to travel relatively late in my life, I have to build up as many experiences as I can, while able to do so.  I'd hate to find myself at the age of 90 and not having those experiences that would give the next quarter century of my life some meaning.

Hawaii Vacation - Day 01: Flying to Honolulu

When I first learned of Hawaii, it was as exotic to me as it was to the people who could afford to fly on the Pan-Am clipper.  It was the type of place that seemed so far away, and so different from the America in which I grew up.  So, when my Dad died, I figured that it would be good for me to take the small amount of cash I inherited and put it to use in having a bucket list experience.  This Hawaii cruise and tour is that experience.

- - - - - -

So, let me start at the beginning....

The night before the cruise, I took Google's directions to reach the hotel I'd stay at the night before the cruise.  This was a mistake, as the route had me going through one of NYC's worst jams - taking the exit ramp from the Major Deagan expressway to go onto the George Washington bridge.  This jam is caused by trucks slowly coming into the expressway from the far right, and having to cut over to the far left to take the bridge's upper level across the Hudson.  (9/11 screwed up a lot of things, and this interchange is one of those things.)  So it took me 30 minutes to travel less than a mile.  Due to the rain and poor road markings, I almost got into several accidents as soon as I crossed the river. I was very glad that I made it to the hotel safely, as I was concerned about my ability to drive safely in this weather.

After a night of almost no sleep, I headed off to the airport to catch my plane.  The first thing that was fouled up was that United wanted to charge me again for checked luggage, and I was not going to pay them a second time when I had the receipt that proved I paid for a checked bag.  So, after waiting about 10 minutes, this issue got resolved (for the outbound trip) and I proceeded to make it to the PreCheck line, where I had no problems getting through security,  (Given issues I discussed earlier, I had my concerns, and things worked in my favor for a change.)  But then, things began to change....

This was my first time "Flying Pretty", and I had problems that were unrelated to being gender non-conforming. My outbound flights had me flying out of Newark, changing planes in San Francisco, and landing in Honolulu at 3:45 pm local time.  Well, after an hour, they scuttled the flight, as they couldn't supply water to the lavatories.  There was no way that the pilot would fly the plane without water for the loos.  So I had to rebook my flights, and got a route that would go to Los Angeles instead of San Francisco for a connection to Honolulu.  One problem: I had to kill 3 hours at the airport before making my connection. I accepted this change, and rushed over to a gate 10 minutes away before my rebooked connection was complete.  (I had the agent at the second gate print the boarding pass for the second flight.)  

Eventually, I got on the plane bound for the coast, and we had a problem - a passenger had what could have been called a heart attack, and they were asking the passengers if there was a coronary specialist on board.  Luckily, that passenger was in stable condition, and the plane didn't have to make an emergency landing which would have kept me from making it to Honolulu.  What I haven't mentioned so far is that my bags were not on the same plane that I was on.  Instead, they were traveling to San Francisco, and then onto Hawaii.  Someone said that the bags would be at the airport before I was, and I was rightfully skeptical of that.

Once in Los Angeles, I checked my bag's status with customer service and they again said that my bag would be in Honolulu before me.  I was glad that I had a complete change of clothes in my carry on bag, just to be safe.  Then, I called RQS to catch up on things. After a nice chat, I killed more time at LAX, and then got on the plane for Honolulu.  And again, the pilot asked passengers if there was a doctor on the plane.  AARGH!

Eventually, I made it to Honolulu to find that my luggage did make it to the airport before me.  And then I finally heard the dreaded "Mr." word attached to my name when I was obviously presenting as a female.  Luckily, I got my ride to the hotel, and I was finally in for the night

RQS and I will be missing each other

 

Normally, I feel good for a while after RQS leaves at the end of the weekend.  However, this would be the last time we will see each other for about 3 weeks.  I'll be flying out to Hawaii for 11 days, while she will be visiting family in the South for a long weekend.   

- - - - - -

As I write this post, I will likely have returned from my Hawaii trip.  So we will be in the run up to Xmas, where we will be seeing family and friends.  I still have to find another gift to buy her, and she appreciates my frugality in finding a gift that will both bring her happiness whenever she sees/uses it and is something she'd consider good value.

Today, we ended up doing a simple shopping trip to Walmart, followed by a visit to a home furnishings store to get small gifts for my niece & husband, and for my nephew.  All 3 got mugs, as they will be easy to pack for their return trips back home.  Then, it was off to the nearby T-Mobile store to check on whether my plan is the Magenta Max plan.  It wasn't, so the store employee graciously changed my plan to give me greater value for the same price. (I'll now get free Wi-Fi on airplanes due to a new T-Mobile promotion.)  

Once we were finally done with stores, it was off to get a bite to eat.  As much as I prefer Burger King to McDonald's, I might have chosen the latter because of the woman manning the counter.  She could not operate the cash register, nor could she count how much money to give me in change from a $20 bill.  I was a little annoyed, but realized that fast food joints are now scraping the bottom of the employment pool and this woman was typical of the prospective employees left in the employment pool.

After finishing our burgers, I dropped her off at the train station.  Neither of us wanted to separate from each other, and the shortness of this week's visit made our parting a little sadder than usual.  Hopefully, we will feel equally as uplifted when we are together again....

Packing for a trip is such a pain in the ass.

 

Over the past few days, I've been packing and unpacking then repacking for my upcoming cruise.  I have to be careful of what to take with me in my carry on bag, as well as worry about the weight limits for my checked bag.  Additionally, I have to be a little creative in what I consider to be my "personal item", as I will want to carry more than the airline would want me to carry into the cabin.

- - - - - -

The other day, I got an email regarding my in-flight snack/meal purchases, and I didn't respond quick enough.  As a result, I got locked out of buying what I wanted, as my favorite selections were already  sold out.  So, I'll have to pick up a bite to eat at the airport while waiting for my first flight, then hope that the snacks I bought will be enough for me as I fly from California to Hawaii.

It's been over a decade since I've flown.  And though I'm told that I shouldn't worry about things, I can't help but worry.  Will I get into trouble due to an issue with my ID?  Will I get hassled because I am gender non-conforming?  Who knows?  As they say, "in for a penny, in for a pound."  Most likely, I'm worried about too many little things.  But then, I am simply trying to be careful because this trip is expensive, and one I won't be able to do again.

Once I'm out in Hawaii, I have a decision to make.  A while back, my former therapist passed away. When I wrote to him, his (ex) wife answered my letter and said I should look her up when I get to Hawaii.  I think I will send her an email in the morning, saying that I should be out there in a few days, and mention when I will likely be available for dinner.

One thing I know, the posts I'll be making in regard to this trip should have some very interesting photos.  I expect that the recent volcano eruptions will provide for some great pictures....

NYC Subway Musicians

 

One of the things that made my trips underground bearable were the subway musicians who played at major subway stations.  Most of the people I've enjoyed listening to were located either at Grand Central Station or at the Times Square Station.  Sometimes, I'd even find musicians at 34th st/Penn Station and at 14th st/Union Square.  Most of the people who performed with the MTA's "Music Under New York" banner behind them were vetted by the MTA and were often worth spending a few minutes as pert of their audiences.

Why do I bring up the subway?  Well, later on in the week, I will be traveling to Downtown Manhattan to get my Global Entry interview.  Assuming all goes as expected, I will likely have my trusted traveler number that I can use for the next 5 years.  And this will be a trip I'll be taking in Mario Mode. 😒  

Once I get my Trusted Traveler Number, I will be contacting Kim (of Traveling Transgender) for advice on how to travel and "Fly Pretty".  No doubt, she'll have a lot of advice for a person who hasn't been on a plane for a decade.  (And I don't miss being on that plane either!)  Ideally, my first flight will be to Hawaii, with me wearing my breast forms, wig, and other feminine accoutrements.  Hopefully, I'll be able to breeze through security with my big tote in hand and spend the next 12+ hours in peace.

- - - - - -

Recently, RQS took a trip where she had to fly South for a weekend.  She texted me before the plane was about to take off saying:

Family of 5 behind me, 1 baby, 1 pre-school, 1 about 5, not speaking English, baby crying. Mom changed him on board, now he's tantrumming. Ugh! 

I responded:

Laudinum would help.

Laudanum is a tincture of opium containing approximately 10% powdered opium by weight. Laudanum is prepared by dissolving extracts from the opium poppy in alcohol. Reddish-brown and extremely bitter, laudanum contains several opium alkaloids, including morphine and codeine

Help a lot I'd say. :-)

(I should have added: "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the poison go down....")

This is a typical example of my humor.  And RQS enjoys it.  There is something about my morbid sense of humor that she finds attractive.  What it is I don't know.  But I'll take any laughs I can get....

 

 

I'm thinking of booking another cruise before my Hawaii trip.

 

The above is a map showing the ports on a cruise I'm interested in taking.  Given the uncertainties of the cruise industry at the time I write this, I'm not sure of whether my Hawaii cruise will become a reality later this year.  Although I've been to 4 of the 6 ports before, I'd take this 10 day cruise on the NCL Joy so that I could visit Boston (again), and to visit the ports of Charlottetown and Sydney.  (I'd also gain the 10 Latitudes points I need to achieve Platinum status if my complaint to NCL isn't addressed properly.)

The last time I visited Boston, I was on a cruise with my former cruise partner.  She insisted that I hang out with her son and his girlfriend (now wife), while I wanted to go to the Union Oyster House and to see the USS Constitution. If I take this trip, I will likely be able to do both activities I wanted to do on my last trip to Boston AND get back to the cruise terminal in time to return home.  It'll be interesting trying to go through a military checkpoint with a male id, while presenting as a female.  (And it'll give me a good idea of what to expect when I visit Pearl Harbor, later in the year.)  

However, this is not the only trip I might take.  There is a 5 day Royal Caribbean cruise out of Bayonne that goes to Halifax (NS) and Saint John (NS).  That'd be a much cheaper cruise for me to take AND it would give me an idea of whether I'd cruise with RCCL in the future.  Yet, there is another cruise that really piques my interest - a 16 day Princess Cruise out of Brooklyn to Greenland, stopping at Halifax (NS), Sydney (NS), Nuuk (Greenland), Nanortalik (Greenland), Qaqortoq (Greenland), and St. Johns (NL) before returning home.  The latter cruise may be a budget buster, and would likely require that I travel as Mario.  Saint John (NB) and St. Johns (NL) are not to be confused with each other.  The city in New Brunswick is not that interesting.  But visitors to Newfoundland praise its town.  So this place will be on my list places to visit as I plan future cruises. 

Unfortunately, many of the cruises I plan to take will cost some serious coin.  But it's the price I have to pay to make up for lost travel time....

A quick note: I could be away for the better part of a month next year

 

The above is a cruise that I might be interested in taking with a friend who knows me as Mario.  Why so, you might ask?  Well, it's hard enough to pack for a trip as Marian, and I am uncomfortable flying into Vancouver in Marian Mode and having to deal with Canadian customs.

- - - - - -

The itinerary below would allow me to visit ports in Alaska I have yet to visit, and would also allow me to visit Skagway again as well.  (I shouldn't ignore that this cruise sails into Glacier Bay, one of the "Must See" places on an Inside Passage cruise. 

The tail end of this cruise ends up in Hawaii.  It's not as good as NCL's 7 day cruise around Hawaii, but it allows the cruiser to schedule his/her own tours of the same places which NCL's 11 day Hawaii Cruisetour goes to.

There is one person who has expressed an interest in joining me on this cruise.  However, I don't think it will come off.  It would be nice to take this cruise, but I am still aiming for the 11 day ALL HAWAII trip.  Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can make to Hawaii in 2022.

What would you do in my shoes?  Should I take the Alaska/Hawaii cruise, then spend an extra 3-4 days in Hawaii?  Or, should I spend the money on NCL's 11 day Hawaii Cruisetour?

 

 

 

 

 

I'm already thinking of booking another cruise.

 

I miss the world we were in when this picture was taken.  I had met both a pen pal AND a Vegas performer on this trip, and had a great time sailing alone.  This was a growth experience for me, as I was unable to lean on anyone for emotional support.

- - - - - -

The cruise I'll soon be taking will be fun.  But it will not be much "to write home about".  I was totally bored in one of these ports, and didn't bother to tender to the island in the other.  When a cruise line has to tender its guests to a private island instead of using its own dock, bottlenecks will happen.  And on the one time I was at this line's private island, they had a hard time getting on and off the island due to the weather.

If my cruise wasn't visiting Charleston, SC instead of Nassau, Bahamas, I wouldn't have taken it.  Nassau was only worth the stop if one wanted to waste time shopping for overpriced goods.  Port Canaveral was far from anything interesting or reasonably priced.  But Charleston is a more than adequate place to stop, as it has history worth taking in.  (Fort Sumter is the place where many consider our Civil War to have started.)

Unlike the cruise I took 3 years ago, the pandemic will always seem to be present in the background. When I get to the cruise terminal, I will be Covid tested before I get on the ship. Cruise staff will both be vaccinated and masked.  All passengers will also be vaccinated. Even if masking isn't required of passengers, most will likely be wearing them out of habit. It could be worse.  Could you imagine being on a mixed (vaxxed/unvaxxed) cruise and having to mask up at all times, then worry about which areas one can visit and what areas one must avoid?

Yet, the minor headaches of dealing with the pandemic haven't kept me from considering another cruise. Right now, I'm think of booking some sort of Hawaii trip.  But I could change that to an Alaskan trip at a moment's notice.  Until I am ready to make a commitment, I won't put any money down on a vacation.  Instead, I'll be tracking prices and hoping they go down.

Unfortunately, prices don't always go down.  Although the price of the cruise I'm taking dropped by $250 shortly after I booked the cruise, it is now the same price as when I booked it - under a slightly different pricing structure.  And therein lies the problem.  I'm not sure of how I can best perform price arbitraging on either a Hawaii or Alaska cruise.  But I want to do so to get the best price available over the next year.  And I hope I can do this effectively....   

All Circuits Are Busy

 

Tonight, I wanted to make a simple electronic to a vendor and ask some questions.  Unfortunately, each time I tried to place a call via my cell phone, I received a message instructing me to try placing the call later because all circuits were busy.  Luckily, I had more than one way to contact this vendor, and was able to reach him via the internet.

Over time, we have learned to place our faith in technology and assume that it will work for us when we need it.  This is not always the case.  Until Verizon was unable to deal with a strange noise on my landline, I was happy to continue using their "Twisted Pair" wiring to make landline phone calls.  Now, for a phone I rarely use anymore, I use a "Triple Play" service offered by my cable company. However, this phone is still the one way old time contacts know how to call me, so I keep it in service just to monitor the messages (mostly spam) left on the recorder.

For reasons that are no longer valid, I have two cell phones with two different numbers on two different networks.  When one network fails me, I can still make calls using the other phone.  Yes, it's a "Belt and Suspenders" approach, but it's one that may be needed as technology becomes more complex.

- - - - - -

Recently, I've been researching how to automate the monitoring of Cruise Prices, so that I can get the lowest possible price.  There are sites for airfares and hotel rooms that I've used in the past.  But none really do the job well for cruises.  I discussed this recently with a travel agent (the same one I couldn't reach in the first part of this entry), and he suggested that I book a cruise now to get the maximum fare I was willing to pay for a cruise, but then call to rebook at a lower price when the price eventually drops - his agency would help me get that fare if it was not a "new bookings only" price.  I will keep this in mind when planning my Hawaii cruise, as I don't want to spend more on a cruise than I would have spent before the pandemic hit.

There are three Hawaii cruises I discussed with this gentleman.  The first was the 10 day cruise tour offered by Norwegian. Second was an 18 day cruise out of San Diego on Holland American.  Third was a repositioning cruise from Norwegian that starts in Vancouver, heads up to Alaska, then ends in Hawaii.  (He was trying to get me to consider other options that would result in less Hawaii time.)  Right now, my heart is telling me to take the first cruise and pay what it takes to enjoy the cruise.  Yet, there is a side of me that wants to get the most bang per buck - something that may have frustrated my former cruise partner.  Now that I have to depend on my nest egg for living expenses, I have to use it wisely to avoid running out of money in old age.

When I eventually take my Hawaii cruise, I want to take it as Marian.  And I intend to have the money to do it in the right way....

Cruise prices don't always make sense.

 

Just for fun, I decided to price out a repositioning cruise on NCL to start in a month from the time this entry is made public. Although I have no interest in taking this particular cruise, it illustrates the irrationality of some prices available to the potential cruiser.

You'll note that all prices are for solo cruisers.  I have sailed (or will have sailed) in every category save for the Studio, the Spa, and the Haven.  If pricing for this cruise was completely rational, the Studio cabin wouldn't be priced as high as it is.  From what I can tell, it is a smaller version of an inside cabin with access to a "Studio Only" travel area.  (Singles can mix here.)  So, why is it priced more than the Inside cabin, the Oceanview cabin, and a Balcony cabin.  It costs almost as much as the Club Balcony Suite.  If I were taking this particular cruise, I'd spend the extra $124 and get almost 3 times the room to spread out AND have a balcony of my own.

Once one decides to go above the Club Balcony Suite level, prices start going into the stratosphere.  I can only imagine how much money I'd want in my bank account before I'd even consider a room in the Haven.  (When a suite there has more room than my apartment, the Haven is geared to people who have lots of money to burn.)  I've met people who have cruised in both the Spa and the Haven suites, and they loved them. For me, I'll wait for the excuse to take a very special trip and then drop the coin to make it special for me and a potential partner.

With certain exceptions, you usually get what you pay for.  Sometimes you get more.  And sometimes, you get less.   Before the pandemic struck, I found a Repositioning / Panama Canal cruise that I could have taken for $1000 - 21 days, New York to Seattle. Unfortunately, that cruise had to be cancelled on account of the pandemic. Later in the year, there was a 11 day Hawaii Cruise Tour (effectively 10 days of activities) that I could have taken for half the price the same package sells for today.  This, too, was cancelled because of the pandemic.  An ex girlfriend of many years ago was very sad about this, as she was looking to take this cruise with 3 of her girlfriends.  (I could only imagine what would have happened if we bumped into each other on the cruise.)

- - - - - -

I have been tracking the price of another cruise I've been interested in as it gets closer to sail date.  If I'm right, the price will drop another $50/stateroom class one or two more times before the ship sails.  However, I wouldn't want to risk losing this deal at this point - so I'll be buying my tickets soon....

 

 

A story of 3 couples.

 

Recently, a conversation with a person triggered some thoughts about personalities, and Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" came to mind.  So I figured I'd start off by noting the chorus to the song and see if it fits:

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you

You're so vain (you're so vain)
I bet you think this song is about you
Don't you don't you?

 

- - - - - -

Today, I got to thinking about general personality types for divorcees and widows, and I realized that much of the problems we have in choosing second (third, etc.) partners are related to how we filter our memories.  Widow(er)s will often put the late spouse on a pedestal, filtering out the bad memories.  Divorcees will often put their ex spouse in the demonic light of hellfire, filtering out the good memories. Not often enough will people see their absent/former partner in a balanced light.  The truth is usually in the middle of the extremes.

So I'll start off by relating three stories of relationships that ended and see what you think:

1. Several years ago, after breaking up with Ex-GF-M, I placed personal ads on OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish.  One of the women I talked with was a pleasant looking Brunette wearing glasses.  But from the beginning I knew that this person would be wrong for me.  She was going through her second divorce, with her to be ex husband sharing a house with her.  All she could do was vent about him and her first ex, and I realized that I didn't want to be the third ex in waiting.
   
   
2. When I was an active member of the AOL Widow/Widower chat room, I befriended a couple that were widowed before they met.  They married, but broke up (in part) because the husband put his late wife on too much of a pedestal.  That's not the loss I'd want to experience if I were to remarry.
   
   
3. One of my friends (who has passed away) stayed on good terms with her ex, and she (with current husband) and her ex (with current wife) would go on vacation together.  I never heard her say a bad word about her ex, but never did she go out of her way to praise him either.  He was a decent man, but someone she couldn't live with.
   

What I see is that in the case of the nasty divorce, one partner has no empathy for anyone but herself.  In the second relationship, the husband put too much of himself into his relationship with the late spouse, and didn't have enough left for his current spouse.  And in the third case, everyone found a happy medium.  Although the third couple must have had some nasty spats, they didn't label the other partner as evil or backstabbing.  They simply agreed that their relationship didn't work out and moved on from there.

- - - - - -

Friendships can end in the same way as couples #1 and 3.  For me, I'd rather be like the 3rd couple, than either of the other 2.  Sadly, this is often not the case.

Just before the pandemic hit last year, I received an email from the ex-wife of my former therapist.  Although she was divorced from her ex, she still loved him.  She just couldn't live with his demons.  She had nothing bad to say about him.  And, having met me in New York, she invited me for lunch at her ex's favorite restaurant.  Too bad that this place is in Hawaii - I'll have to make an extra effort to take her up on her offer....

 

 

 

Odds and ends - nothing uneven or ending about them.

 

 

First, I won't say much about a conversation I had today.  But if handled wrong, it could have led me (and the other party) down a rabbit hole of accusations, as someone else's problems reflected issues related to me that should have been addressed in the past.  Luckily, I managed to avoid the rabbit hole, and not get stuck with indirectly referencing my past.

Next, something my immediate supervisor said at the office today leads me to believe that they are gradually planning for my exit.  If that's true, I won't cry much.  In less than a week, I'll probably be happy about it, as I will have the freedom to book a "bucket list" cruise.  No, it's not the cruise I really want to take.  Instead, it allows me to get most of what I want out of a trip to Hawaii without breaking the bank.

Now that I've talked to the custodian firm for my 401k, I'm ready to take a couple of one-time distributions.  However, I must talk to my tax lady and a financial planner before I start this process.  If I were closer to the age I could start collecting Social Security without early penalties, I'd do so.  However, it pays for me to take some money out of the 401k, and let my SS benefits grow by 8% per year.  But this is not the only issue I have to deal with.  I need to find out what are my best options involving Medicare, as well as whether I can find affordable Long Term Care insurance.

Last night, I went to visit an ex-girlfriend.  No, I'm not talking about my most recent significant ex.  Instead, I'm talking about an ex with whom I broke up about 20 years ago.  We are still friends, and this was the first dinner we've had together since before the pandemic hit.  So we had a lot to catch up on - and catch up we did.  Although I had tasty leftover BBQ ribs to take home, they didn't make it to my car.  Sadly, I left them on top of the parking pay station before I went upstairs to fetch my car from the lot.  It was just as well, as the food in this place was a touch salty, and I didn't need to have any more.  If anything, I'd have liked to chat more with my ex.  Hopefully, next time, her husband will be there as well.  He is a great guy, and I know that they are better together than we ever could have been. 

Lately, I've been looking at taking a Hawaii cruise.  The 11 day cruise tour offered by NCL is way over priced, as they have taken actions which should help reduce the spread of the virus on their ship.  Unfortunately, reducing available cabins to limit the number of passengers has also resulted in excessive price increases.  So a cruise I could have taken for about $5,000 (after all expenses) before the pandemic would not cost me about $12,000+.  There is no way I plan to spend that kind of coin for a 10 day cruise tour with the route below:

Instead, I am looking at the following cruise being offered by Holland America.  This seems to be a much better current value, I could get 18 days on a cruise ship, but only 6 days in Hawaii instead of the 10 I'd get on Norwegian.

This cruise would still keep me in the $5,000 base.  But I would still need to deal with transportation, gratuities, and excursions.  Yet, this is the trip I will likely take, as I don't see the Norwegian Cruise becoming cheaper anytime soon.  I mentioned this to a friend, and she sent me a link saying that people of our age shouldn't be going on cruises at this time.  The one issue I have regarding this cruise might be the air travel needed to reach San Diego.  I hate flying, with all the TSA headaches.

However, I have a plan to help me minimize the effect of TSA on my travels.  If I can't avoid security theater, I can make sure I'm not on stage for long. There are two TSA Trusted Traveler Programs that I am interested in: Pre-Check and Global Entry.  For the extra $15, I'm leaning towards Global Entry - even though I've never flown outside of the USA.  (I have a niece that now lives in London, UK.)  With a trusted traveler number, I can breeze through security - and reduce the number of interactions I have with people who can hassle me at key points on my trips.  So, do I spend the $85 for Pre-Check, or do I spend the $100 on Global Entry?

As I now write this entry, I am watching "When the levees broke", a documentary on Hurricane Katrina and our government's inadequate response to the needs of the people in New Orleans and the rest of the region.  Why do I mention this?  We recently started evacuating American Citizens (and a few others) from Afghanistan, and we're showing a similar ineptitude.  Americans have short memories, and we do not learn from our collective past.  A hundred years ago, we suffered from the "Spanish Flu" pandemic, and we forgot those lessons.  And now we are making the same mistakes we made a century ago.  I've come to believe that we need the power of big government, but limit the size of the bureaucracy to allow leaders to implement quick and informed decisions.  But, if we get rid of the bureaucracy, we run the risk of incompetent, corrupt leaders steering America towards an authoritarian government.  

You'll note that I've rambled from short and simple things to ideas of a complex scope in this entry.  My brother complains that I can't help but talk of politics, and he is right.  As long as humanity has existed, our ability to communicate well has affected us at both micro and macro levels.  Communication skills and thought are involved in each of the items mentioned in this entry.  In the first case, I understood the hidden message meant to trap me into a discussion on someone else's terms.  In the case of the 401k, it illustrates my need to communicate with people who have information I need for planning my future.  In the case with my ex-girlfriend of 20 years, I realized that I couldn't communicate well enough to have a good relationship with this woman. With my cruise, the internet facilitates communication that I would have once depended on a travel agent to supply for my decision making.  And lastly, regarding government, we see that these issues affect all of us at both micro and macro levels.  There is a limit to how much information each of us can process, and not all of it makes us feel comfortable.  Last night's conversation may not have made me feel more comfortable about things which have happened.  But they made me more appreciative of what I have accomplished in my life.

 

 

 

An impromptu dinner with Vicki, plus some vacation plans

 

Both Vicki and I enjoy Greek food.  So Vicki decided to treat me for dinner at the new Greek restaurant in town.  Since this would be a last minute decision for me, as I expected to be very tired after work, I had to provide for doing two things.  First, I'd have to call Friedrich to check up on the status on my AC service call.  And then, I'd have to change into something comfortable and pretty for going outside in this weather. (I dress more warmly for work, as the AC is cranked up to counter the heat coming from the computers and imaging equipment found at every desk.)

I met Vicki at 7, and we decided to eat at an outside table.  (Inside tables were all taken.)  We talked about many things, including our former loves.  (She'll always wonder about one road not taken. And I'll always wonder if a former love really knew what she wanted when she met me.)  One thing we both agreed on is that I was lucky to only have had a "minor flesh wound" caused by my former love - things would have been much worse had we been living together or had been married when her real personality finally came out in an argument.  But enough on that topic - she'll never admit that I had valid points in our dispute, and it would be pointless to argue with someone resistant to acknowledging alternate points of view.

- - - - - -

Lately, I've been looking at future cruise trips.  All of these involve cruises to/in Hawaii.  The first of these vacations is the shortest (10 days), yet the most expensive.

This is a 7 day cruise out of Honolulu, coupled with a 3 day tour of its island's (Oahu) most popular tourist attractions.  It is only offered by one cruise line (NCL), as it is on the only American owned, staffed, flagged, and built ship operating at the present time.  I won't go into the reasons why most ships fly "flags of convenience" here. But this route is the only regularly scheduled route restricted to American flagged ships, and why it is the most expensive option on my list at roughly $6,000 for a solo traveler. (It was priced less before the pandemic, but post-pandemic prices have zoomed upward due to reduced capacity and pent up demand.)  Couple this trip with airfare, excursions, taxes, port fees and gratuities, and I could be spending $9,000 for a trip I could have once taken for under $6,000.  Right now, there is one important advantage to this cruise - all passengers must be vaccinated for Covid-19 before taking this trip.

Next on the list is a 15 night cruise out of Los Angeles.  This is on Princess, and has a much shorter time in Hawaii than the first cruise due to its foreign flagged ship.

Do I really want to spend more time on a ship and see less of Hawaii to save a few bucks?  I could cut down the money I spend to roughly $5,000 - and I can afford that with little trouble.  However, some of Princess's cruises allow unvaccinated passengers on board, and I don't want to deal with the hassles these passengers may present.

Second to last might be the longest cruise of the choices on my list - 18 days.  I'd be flying in and out of Vancouver, and then cruising to Hawaii on Holland America,

This might be the best option, as it allows for an overnight in Honolulu before the trip back to Vancouver.  Next to sailing on a ship that is based in Hawaii, this provides the most time in Hawaii that I can find at a reasonable price - in the $6,500 range for the vacation. 

Lastly, there is the most interesting option, a cruise that combines 2 bucket list trips into one: Alaska and Hawaii, leaving from Vancouver, BC and ending in Honolulu, HI.

I'd like to visit Skagway again, as well as seeing Juneau and Glacier Bay for the first time.  But do I want to pack for both summer and late fall / early winter weather?  Then, there is the extra factor that I would be leaving from a foreign port, and that I would want to travel in Marian Mode as much as possible.  Do I want to put up with these hassles? This could be a $7,500 trip without any extra plans. But there is an option for this trip that I haven't mentioned.  I could take the train to Seattle, spend a couple of days there, then another train to Vancouver, and spend a day there before the cruise.  I expect that this will add another $2,500 or so to the cost of this vacation.

Which option would you choose, and why?  Since I prefer to travel as Marian, I'd like to hear what you have to say....

 

 

 

PS: I have 3 travel guides for places I'll never have the chance to visit:

1. Molvania
2. San Sombrero
3. Phaic Tan

I wonder what you might have heard about these places.  Would you visit them, just for the unreal experience?

Lately, I've been falling behind with my posts.

 

 

No, the winter hasn't been getting in the way of things.  It's been the pandemic.  When one has nothing to do all day, it's easy to do nothing.  In many ways, it feels like the snow has locked all of us inside for the winter, save for the fact that there is no snow on the ground.

- - - - - -

It's been a long while since I've been to Provincetown. And I'd love to have the legitimate reason to be there on a day like this, when I could see one of my favorite places filled only with locals.  No, I don't want to get stuck there in bad weather.  Instead, I simply want to see the town as only locals see it - without any of the tourists around.

There are so many places I'd like to visit without tourists.  If I were an Italian, I might be able to see Venice without the tourist invasions which befoul the city. Supposedly, due to the pandemic reducing commercial activities, the waters in that city are becoming cleaner and less reminiscent of a cesspool.  In the United States, however, the pandemic has made it impossible to travel to some places on my bucket list.  For example, I was considering taking a repositioning cruise from New York City to Seattle via the Panama Canal.  The early days of the pandemic made that impossible.  Next, I was considering taking a Hawaii cruise/tour this past December.  Again, the pandemic squelched that idea.  Now, the same cruise/tour costs over 50% more, as the cruise line is now restricting projected capacity on these vacations.

If I stay healthy and am able to afford it, I will still take similar vacations sometime in the future.  Until then, I expect the days to blur together, forcing me to catch up on my posting when I get around to it. 

Vacation planning is a pain this year.

I love New England and Atlantic Canada for vacation visits.  Sadly, Canada is closed off until America gets the virus under control.  As long as Trump is in power AND the GOP has veto power over any reasonable ways to deal with the mess the pandemic has caused, I will not be able to take a cruise to Nova Scotia.  Luckily, most of New England is still open to us New Yorkers.

On August 1st, Hawaii is open to visitors again.  However, people must have the results of a Coronavirus test taken within the past 72 hours - no testing will be done upon arrival.  This means that it doesn't yet make sense to schedule a Hawaii vacation.  Yet, I may consider doing the research to flying to Hawaii, stay in Honolulu for a few days, and then travel to the Big Island for some more exploring.  If I do it this way, I may end up spending as much money as I would have on the cruise, but have a more flexible schedule to work with.

If I schedule the cruise in the near future, I have a question yet to be resolved - would the woman I've been seeing still be with me at that time?  I plan to tell her about my bi-gendered nature in the near future, as she has a right to know this about me before we get physically intimate.  If this woman can accept me in both modes, this would be a perfect trip for us, as she has never been to Hawaii.

Right now, I'm assuming that the Census Bureau will start laying us off sometime in September.  If my employment ends around Labor Day, I'll try to make vacation plans for Provincetown, MA, and spend a few days there.  If it's a little later, I'll skip being near the beach and spend a few days in Upstate New York.  (I still want to get back to the Baseball Hall of Fame, as well as other museums that are open there.)  If Pennsylvania is off the 31 state New York quarantine list, then I might decide to see Fallingwater if that site is open.

TCL and I have discussed to trip to Cleveland a while back.  We'd stay with one of her friends, and then visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  I would have to do all the driving on that trip, but it might be a nice thing to do if Ohio is off the quarantine list later in the year. There are may things we could see on the way out there and back, and we wouldn't have to worry about the expense of hotel rooms.

Hopefully, next year will be a better year for planning a vacation.  

Socializing in the age of the pandemic

There is a certain loneliness in the above picture that I can not define.  Is it that of these boats waiting to be used?  Or is it that humanity looks so far away in the scene?  Either way, this image is a fitting metaphor for what is happening in the age of the pandemic.

- - - - - -

In Mid March, everything seemed to stop all at once.  Within less than a week, public activity went from "drive" to "park" - and the social engine was left to idle for several months.  It took New York State (with the exception of New York City) 3 months to "flatten the curve" to a level where most socializing could return to a new "normal".  Outside the city, restaurants were allowed to reopen indoor dining rooms at 50% of capacity, museums were allowed to  reopen with social distancing protocols in place, and public gatherings of 50 people (or less) were allowed to take place.  The isolation of those 3 months has put a fear into people which will be hard to remove when a vaccine for the Coronavirus is found. 

I've noticed that several meetup groups have reverted to online Zoom gatherings, as their members are still afraid of meeting in person.  However, the meetup group I've attended in person is maintaining social distance for its in person meetings, and I expect it to shut down for the winter when it is no longer feasible to meet outside.  I'll miss that venue.  But I'll find ways to get by.

- - - - - -

Even in NYC, I see gradual signs of reopening.  Some museums have developed protocols which will allow them to admit visitors again.  This is a good thing.  All too many people are acting out of fear than anything else.  However, this is a good thing when we don't yet have a vaccine for the virus.

In the South and West, the virus is still out of control. The Zoom meetup from Texas that I attend shows no sign of going away.  Ever since the virus starting spiking there, my pen pal friend is more reluctant to go out of her apartment.  (I can't say this for the rest of the group.) And the rest of the gang has gotten so used to these virtual meetups, that I don't think they will abandon this way of socializing anytime soon.

Over time, I expect that people in the South and West will see enough suffering that they will also get comfortable with the idea of another economic shutdown.  They will not like being told that they can't go to bars, restaurants, theaters, and other venues where people get together in close quarters.  But they will do so eventually - when the pain from having reopened their economies too soon gets too much to bear.

- - - - - -

You might ask - how is this affecting me?  Well, due to problems with an ex girlfriend, I will not be able to attend virtual meetings of "her" dinner group.  I can live with that, because I have developed other ways to meet my needs to connect with people in case of another stay at home order.  Luckily, I live in the Northeast, where the virus is being kept at bay. This means, I will be free to travel when my gig at the census ends sometime this year. Although I am limited to driving to some place in the Northeast, it's better to be able to do this now, than worry about being quarantined in the future.

Yet, the pandemic is affecting me more in subtle ways.  For example, I've never been able to hold the woman I've been seeing in my arms.  She lives inside NYC limits, and I have to drive her to Long Island, so that we can dine "normally".  People who would normally respond quickly to communications inside a dating platform are a little reluctant to do so, as they know that dating itself will be awkward until they have been vaccinated for the virus. 

As my readers know, I enjoy cruising.  Since Hawaii seems to have gotten the virus under control, it may be possible for New Yorker's to visit there without a mandatory 14 day quarantine. If this is the case, it might still be possible for me to take my Hawaiian cruise this winter.  Hopefully, this will be the case.  I really want to get Lei'ed in Hawaii soon!

- - - - - -

For the most part, all of this could have either been avoided, or the impact of this could have been much less severe.  We have our president and his GOP loyalists to blame.  We paid attention to science in the Northeast, paid the price to "flatten the curve" and are relatively virus free.  Outside the Northeast, they tended to follow the proclamations of power hungry politicians and reopened things way too soon.  As a result, residents of 31 states (as of this writing) must quarantine themselves if they enter New York.  If the Northeast was a separate country, we'd be able to visit most of the world, as our infection rates are as low as Canada, the UK, and most of the EU.  But this is not the case - we get hurt because the rest of America is not acting responsibly.

Hopefully, enough people will be sick and tired of the mess we are in, and vote the current dysfunctional regime out on November 3rd.  Then, starting January 20th at noon, we can get to the business of ridding this country of this virus, so that we can get back to normal living....

I'm Back online again!

The above picture was taken on the Old Croton Aqueduct path.  Considering how many people have been out and about, now that the nice days are here, I usually have to travel far to find nice places to walk and get back into shape.

I've decided to reopen this blog, so that I can continue to journal my life as quarantine is gradually being lifted.  At first, I won't be publishing daily posts, as I don't have that much to say.  In addition, I won't have much to say about either of my two formerly closest friends, now that bridges have been burnt.

- - - - - -

To catch the casual reader of this blog up to date, quarantine has been hell for me, as I've been dealing with grief caused by the loss (not death) of my two closest friends, the death of my father, and the virtual shutdown of my social life due to the quarantine. I won't go into details, save that anger made me a person I didn't like being, and I had to decide to let go of many things so that I could move forward with my life.

Since I don't know if my ex will read this blog or not, let's simply say that before the quarantine, I had a couple of nice dates with a nice woman, but things didn't work out.  Lately, I've had some pleasant calls with other women, and it would be nice to see them after quarantine ends. 

Work at the census bureau has started to return, and I'm still adding money to my bank account.  If all goes right, I'll have saved up enough, that by the end of the year, I can take a Hawaiian cruise.  However, this poses several interesting issues.  I want to take the 3 day land + 7 day sea cruise tour deal, but an ex girlfriend from 23 years ago will be on that cruise with 3 of her girlfriends.  Should I take it and out myself to her first?  Or, should I simply go on the cruise and say nothing?  (I'm assuming that she will not recognize me as Marian.)  I'm gambling both that the net price for this cruise will drop due to cancellations, etc., and that things will open up for cruising in the fall.

- - - - - -

So much I could say, but not the time to collect my thoughts.  More later....



. 

Thinking of a Hawaii Cruise that I may have to postpone until late in the year (at best).

15 days of cruising, with an obligatory stop in Mexico to comply with requirements of the Jones Act.  As of December 2019, this was the cruise on top of my list, and I was about to book it when I started getting employment calls from the US Census Bureau.

- - - - - -

Given that it's not easy for an overskilled/underskilled 62 y/o person to find work, do I really want to drain my savings any more than I have to in semi-retirement?  If I had my cruise scheduled for this month (either December 4th or 19th), I'd likely have no problems with starting late. But with the census ramping up for its 1 busy year out or 10, taking a vacation early in the year doesn't make sense if one wants to stay long enough to prove that one is serious about taking steps down in rank to go back to work.

The Hawaii cruise is one that I could easily take presenting as Marian. All but one stop is at an American port, and I wouldn't need to get off the ship in Mexico.  This cruise is generally offered when the ship is not making Alaska runs from late spring to early autumn.  And this cruise will again be offered at the end of the year, when any census related employment would likely be ending.

I'm likely to take long weekend trips while employed, so that I can get that "vacation feeling" again.  Washington, DC is a place I could always go to without problems.  If I end up going there, I'll have the chance to see Meg and her wife again.  That's always a pleasure!

- - - - - -

Vacations are very important to me, as they allow me a break from the mundane, a change of pace that helps to refresh me.  I admit that each time I go out in the world as Marian, that it becomes a refreshing time to me.  But then, isn't this the case for most of us transgender folk?

I keep on checking out prices on the 15 day Hawaii cruise

Sometimes, prices go up when planning a cruise.  When I first started tracking the price of a 15 day Hawaii cruise out of San Francisco, princess.com supplied the following price for an inside cabin on cruise leaving in early November: 

• Base Fare          -  $1844 (includes $922 single supplement)
• Port Fees/Taxes -      241 
• Gratuities           -      225
  ----------------------------------
  Simple Cruise      - $2310

In the middle of November, the same site quoted me the following for a similar cruise leaving on January 27th:

• Base Fare          - $2180 (includes $1090 single supplement)
• Port Fees/Taxes -     241 
• Gratuities           -     225
  ---------------------------------
  Simple Cruise    - $2646 (an increase of $336)

For fun, I decided to examine prices that Princess could get for flights bringing me into San Francisco the night before the cruise, and leave late in the day that the cruise returns to port.  (I'd take an earlier flight if I couldn't connect with a friend during the day.  That would have to be arranged before the cruise.)

• Base R/T Airfare     - $300 (prices varied a great deal)
• Checked Luggage   -     60 
• Transit to LGA         -     50
• Transit from SFO    -      50
• Hotel in SF              -    200
• Transit from Hotel    -     20
• Transit to SFO         -     50
• Transit from LGA     -     50
  ------------------------------------
  Subtotal                  -   $780
  Simple Cruise        - $2646 (an increase of $336)
  ------------------------------------
  Base Total              - $3426 (before excursions)

By the time I'm done, I expect that this would be a $5,000 cruise. I'm not sure if I would want to spend this much when unemployed.  The Panama Canal cruise that I started monitoring a while back, again starts looking like the best of bargains.

When I first ran the numbers this summer, I figured that I should budget at least $4,000 for the trip.  Since then, the overall price has changed for this cruise and my expenses are listed below:

• Base Fare             -  $1698 (miraculously, no single supplement)
• Port Fees/Taxes     -     543
• Gratuities                -     315
  -------------------------------------
  Simple Cruise         - $2556
   
• Trip to NYC Pier       -     60
•  from Seattle Pier     -     40
  -------------------------------------
  Simple land cost      -    100
• Airfare (SEA-JFK)      - 250
• Trip JFK to Home        -  60
  -------------------------------------
  Minimum Cost        - $3066

Which trip would you choose?