I am getting tired of all of this.

 

Who'd have thought 2 years ago that we'd still be feeling the effects of the pandemic on society?  Over the past few months, most of us have been living "normal" lives.  Yet, there have been sporadic shortages which have affected our lives in ways we'd have never expected - such as the lack of computer chips creating a shortage of cars on dealer lots.  Although most people I work with don't fear catching the virus (we're all vaccinated, and the Omicron wave hasn't been as painful as expected), we still cringe if we see people who aren't wearing masks.

In 2020, I felt energized to go to work as Marian.  This year, it's normal - but the work exhausts me.  I still enjoy wearing a dress, and I'm much more comfortable wearing women's trouser like garments than I was in the past.  Yet, I'm likely going to call it an end of a career soon, as I'm simply tired of feeling tired most of the time.  I'll likely be in trousers more often, as I have reasons to spend more time as Mario these days.

Does this mean I'll be giving up my dresses?  Absolutely not!  It means that I again have a life that calls for the presence of Mario.  I have not changed.  My circumstances have changed.  And this will mean that my scheduling of Marian and Mario time will get more complicated, as I will be doing more switching back and forth between the genders, as I did years ago.

So what am I tired of?  It's not of being Marian.  I'm much more comfortable as Marian than I am as Mario.  But that doesn't mean I'm uncomfortable as Mario.  I'm simply tired of all the other energy sucking factors in my life that make it hard to enjoy the place in life I've worked hard to achieve.

I never thought I'd be feeling this way many years ago.  Is this what being old is all about?

Pussycat, Pussycat, where have you been?

 

Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?

I've been to London to visit the Queen.

Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there?

I frightened a little mouse under her chair.

 

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I may not have mentioned this before, at my place of work we will hire almost anyone capable of doing a very boring job.  Many of the positions would be perfect for functioning people on the autistic spectrum.  Today, one of these people made me think of the above nursery rhyme.

Years ago, my IQ was measured, and I scored high on two different tests.  Each put me into the top percentile.  (This explains many of the social problems I've had, as people like me tend to have a common set of issues that often go unaddressed well into adulthood.  But I digress.)  Yet, because of problems I had during my youth, I had to go to school for several years on the "Short Bus", meeting several youngsters on the spectrum along the way.

There is a person at my workplace who does not understand why people in London are eating dinner at the same time people in New York are having lunch. Compare that with me, a person who can explain why the clocks on GPS satellites run slightly faster than those on earth, and you'll find that I have a very hard time code switching to talk with this person.  So I'm polite, and leave the conversations with him to others.

 

Today, this fellow decided to try to have a conversation with me about the meaningless issue of the recycle bin exchanging places with the regular garbage bin - and I politely shut it down.  I didn't want a 10 minute chat with a person about this topic.  Later on, he made some comments to invite a conversation about a new corporate logo being applied to the break room walls.  Although I will agree with him that this change applies needed color to the room, it is a meaningless topic for me.  Once you get past saying that it looks nice, there is not much to talk about.  Yet, he wanted to say that it is unusual (it usually is on the first day), and have a 10 minute chat about the logo.  So, again, I shut him down politely, saying that it will become the new usual.  And then, I left the lunch area.

We all see different things in life.  To me, I saw a corporate logo writ large, while he focused on the colors.  I'm glad that someone has found a productive use for someone like him.  But I also wish that he wouldn't announce his every move so loud that you could hear it across the room.  Who needs to hear in a break room that he is eating lunch, when that is what people normally do around 12-1 pm?  He loudly announces that he is starting work, going on/off break, going to/from lunch, and going home.  About the only thing he doesn't do is shout that he is going to the loo to take a bio-break.  It's easy to understand why I try not to associate with him.  If someone gets on your nerves, you stay out of his/her way.  Yet, I have to say that he's lucky to never be able to understand how cruel this world can be.....

 

I may have dodged a bullet, but what type?

 

Today's post will be a short one.  And it involves transportation, travel, and a possible travel companion.

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At one time, FH wanted to have us spend a weekend away in Amish Country.  I'm glad we didn't do this, as we never got past first base with each other.  Any trip we would have taken would effectively have me being her chauffeur. And that's not something I want to be after seeing her for her real self.  If things had progressed far enough with FL, I'd have been glad to travel with her, as we get along well with each other, and enjoy each other's company.  Too bad she couldn't deal with Marian being part of my whole.

Recently, I met RQS, and she's already interested in taking a trip to Washington with me.  At least, I wouldn't be serving as her chauffeur - we'd be taking the train and splitting the cost.  She wants to do special things with me.  But is it too soon?  It's similar to the experience I had with FL, but yet, it's different.  So when I found ways of putting off a trip to DC, I felt good for now as if I dodged a bullet.  Yet, she will eventually want to do more things together, while I'm still trying to figure things out.  

My big question is: Am I trying to avoid the wrong kind of projectile?

Not having much to say at times....

 

One shouldn't talk much when watching a movie at the local theater.  Maybe that's why sell so much popcorn - it keeps you from talking and it carries a hefty profit margin. However, things are very different when two people are on the phone....

- - - - - -

When I met my late wife, it was after two marathon late night phone conversations.  We ate our fair share of popcorn at the movies, and it showed on our waist lines.  Although she is long gone, I remember the nature of these conversations well, as she rented the strangest combination of movies for the first date. If she were here today, I'd bet that she'd recall all the movies she rented and in which order they were played. However, none of those are traditional "Date Movies", and I will not mention any of the titles in this post (largely because my memory is shot).

Lately, RQS and I have been having conversations that can easily go on for hours.  And if I didn't have to get up so early in the morning, we'd probably talk through the night and into the morning.  Yet, we wouldn't have any substantive to say to each other.  Instead, we simply like the other's company.  It's way too early to say anything. CWS is still in the picture for now..  And I think that she will be in the picture until RQS is sure of her feelings about me in my female presentation....

A slow leak that has yet to be fixed

 

This morning, I found that the air pressure in my tire was dangerously low.  It may not have been this bad, but I knew I had to inflate the tire before driving to work.  So, off to the local gas station I went....  Arriving at the gas station, someone else was using the air pump, and he handed me the hose with about 30 seconds to spare on the vend.  The tire needed more air, so I dropped another 4 quarters into the machine, and filled my tire with 3 minutes of air.  Yet, this still may not have been enough.  You can bet that this car will be paying a visit to Mavis in the near future....

Now that I was late, it was a leisurely drive to the office.  I arrived 20 minutes late, but no one made mention of it.  If anyone complained, I'd say that I planned to make the time up at day end - which I did.  And it was another 8 hours of mind numbing work.  As usual, the first half of the day went slowly, but things went faster in the afternoon.  If I could only have the second half of the day, I'd be comfortable staying at this job for another 2 years.  But, with the agonizing mornings, I want to be out of there soon.  AARGH!

- - - - - -

And that leads me to thoughts on dating....

The other day, I told RQS about Marian and it is still something she has yet to experience before she can make any forward moves.  But things look good right now.  CWS may fall by the wayside, as she hasn't been available as much as I would like, given the time I have known her. Yet, I'm not closing any doors until I know how RQS reacts to Marian when she meets her in person.  (In this case, it pays for me to use the 3rd person for clarity.)  For me, it's a race to find the first decent catch that accepts me as Marian and Mario.  The one thing I will say - I will not "roach" either of these women.

Right now, I made a decision to suspend my OK Cupid account, as it would be way too tempting to swipe right and keep making superficial contacts with new women..  The way things go, I can get a refreshed list of women at any time if I need to go back into the dating pool.  No matter what happens with RQS and CWS, I think I'm going to take a break from meeting new women for dating.

 

 

PS: The tire is leaking air at a faster rate than in the past, probably due to the recent cold spell.  So it'll be off to Mavis on Thursday to see what they can do for me.

PPS: Mavis screwed up the appointment.  I'll have to put up with the leak for another week, or take off a day from work.

Here's a cruise similar to what I took in December.

I just saw the pricing of the above cruise, and figured I should mention it.  Given that we're less than a month out from the cruise, NCL has priced it to look like another "Unicorn" is out there for hunting. The key differences between this cruise and the cruise I took in December are: (1) the replacement of the port of Charleston, SC with Nassau and (2) my cruise took place on the Gem, while this cruise takes place on the Getaway.

If I were to take this cruise, I'd go for the mini-suite again, and possibly sail as Mario.  Why Mario, you might ask?  Well, I might want to get off in the Bahamas, and don't want any hassles with Bahamian customs.  At $749, plus taxes, port fees, and gratuities for a mini suite, this is a bargain!  But I am not interested in this cruise, as I was bored when I was in Nassau with XGFJ, and that there is nothing worth doing in Port Canaveral.

- - - - - -

My brother looks at auctions to occupy his time.  I look at cruise deals.  In this age of the pandemic, good deals keep coming around.  Although ship capacity is often limited to 50% these days, it is possible that added capacity will only serve to raise prices.  Recently, one video blogger prognosticated that when cruise lines start creeping back to sailing at 100% capacity, that pandemic suppressed demand will cause cruise prices to go up instead of down.  A cruise group he organizes had cabin prices double since he organized that group.

 

Right now, I expect that there will be a lot of last minute price drops until people get wise to the fact that cruise ships are no longer floating Petri Dishes. It's too bad that I couldn't take advantage of last minute discounts for the Hawaii cruise I'll be taking later this year. I simply love the idea of a good bargain.

On the topic of my Hawaiian cruise, I wonder if I will have a traveling companion by then.  If so, will she be comfortable with me sailing as Marian?  Who knows?  But it will be a very interesting situation of this were to come to pass.  And if it comes to pass, will I be able to get her a cruise ticket without putting the deal I have at risk?

- - - - - -

 

Originally, I was planning on taking my Hawaii cruise in Marian mode.  I am hoping that I will be able to do so later this year.  Keep your fingers crossed for me....

 

 

 

I'm sad tonight...

 

This is going to be a quick post tonight.  I had a very good day today and would like to talk about it right now.  But I am sad.  Two people I knew from my days hosting the AOL Widows and Widowers chat room passed away recently.  

I had a wonderful day with RQS, and I was able to being up the issue of being both Mario and Marian with her.  She's not yet completely sure how she feels, but she wasn't in a hurry to give me the bum's rush. When I eventually left her this evening, I drove home very carefully, as they were spreading salt for tomorrow morning's expected snow.  In NYC limits, they spread enough salt in some places that I first thought some other substance (think of loose gravel) had been dumped on the roads.  In Westchester, they had only started to spread salt, and I was stuck behind a salter truck for a few minutes before I was able to get around him and get home while I was safe to drive.

When I finally made it home, I read a text from a long ago girlfriend telling me that two people had died.  One I met on a date (it was only curiosity), and we became friends for a couple of years before she retired and moved to Florida.  Her death was sudden and unexpected.  If I lived in Florida, I'd have driven to her services and the shiva afterwards. But in New York, I don't even have her daughter's address to send my condolences.  The other lady I only met at W/W gatherings, but she was a good person for whom I wished the best.  With her, cancer finally took her life, and she will be missed by many.

So, instead of feeling happy for the good day I had, I feel sad because of the message that ended my evening.