I now wish I hadn't booked an upcoming cruise

 

Before anyone gets any wrong ideas, I am still looking forward to my cruise.  But the conditions which made me select this cruise at this time have changed, and I would have preferred to be taking a different cruise with RQS later in the year.

But first....

My uncle passed away last night.  After 91 years on this planet, it was time for his soul to depart his body and travel into the unknown - whatever that might be.  He lived a long and successful life, having won more than one industry awards in a highly competitive and visible industry.  (Let's just say that you might have seen him win one of his awards 50 years ago, or so.)  He was always there for his family when he was needed, and I'll always be grateful for the assistance he offered when my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Last year, I chose to take a California Coastal Cruise, as a fallback if my uncle wasn't up to being visited.  Sadly, he had severely damaged his hip the autumn before, and it never healed enough to allow him to walk again.  (He fell trying to take care of a wife who was suffering with dementia, when his wife should have already been placed into a care home.)  When we visited Los Angeles last June, he had just been told that he'd never walk again.  With everything going on in his life at that time, I made it a point to try and visit him again while he was still above ground.  Today, I got the news that I was about a week or two too late.

Right now, the person in charge of my uncle's affairs has not made any arrangements for my uncle's memorial service/gathering.  I likely will not be able to attend this service if held before mid May, as my prior commitments preclude making any trips.  And, even if I could attend, I will not know any of the people who would be attending this service/gathering, as they are all industry insiders.

At least, there is one good thing to come out of all of this.  I will not need to bring along any male garments for my upcoming trip. (I'm sure that my uncle would have found a way to write a humorous story about this if he wasn't the person in the casket....)

It was a long weekend, and yet it seemed so short.

 

RQS came up here on Friday and left on Monday morning. The longer we spend time together, the harder it becomes for us to leave each other at the end of the weekend.  Soon, RQS and I will be packing for a cruise to Bermuda.  It'll be our first time there, and it'll be a chance to spend time together, away from our normal activities.  

It seems like the remainder of this year will be a busy one for us.  After our cruise, RQS will be going to see her sister, while I'll be cruising to the Bahamas.  We don't know how we'll be spending Christmas and New Year's Eve.  But I expect that we'll keep being busy well into the new year.  For example, I'm looking for an excuse to take a trip to the West Coast, so that I can visit my uncle in his nursing home.  When I was there earlier in the year, he wasn't up to seeing visitors.  This time, I am looking at taking a short 3-4 day cruise out of LA, seeing my uncle either on the day before or after the cruise.

I'm not too keen on visiting Los Angeles.  It's not the easiest city to get around without a car, and I am taking a risk that my uncle may not want to see me if I decide to visit.  Yet, he's in his 90's and doesn't have many years left to live.  So, I'm hoping I can visit and see him for one last time soon....

Sad News, with more to come (eventually)

 

Today's post will be a short one.  But it involves sadness caused by a situation that I have no control over, and frustration because I have limited access to information.

As I have mentioned before, both my aunt and uncle are in nursing homes for the ailments of old age.  When RQS and I were in Los Angeles earlier this year, we were not able to see my uncle, as he was just told that he'd never be leaving the nursing home due to his frailness.  Today, I finally heard from my uncle, and he is in a bad way.

Last year, my uncle fell and broke his hips.  From what I can understand, he is not a candidate for hip replacement surgery.  All they could do is patch him up.  He has been in the nursing home since then.  When I spoke to him in December, he still had the voice of a man who would resume his life as soon as he was certified able to do so.  Of course, this time never came.  In June, I talked with him for 5 minutes, and he still had a tolerably strong voice.  But it was one weakened by circumstance.  Tonight, he could barely hear me on the phone, and his voice sounded like someone with no interest left in living.

He is depressed, in part, because he has no children, and because his nearest relatives live a continent away.  Neither my brother nor I can hop in a car to see him.  If we were to visit, he'd have to hop on a plane, spend at least one night in LA, and then fly home after the visit.  This is why I scheduled a California Coastal Cruise for this past June.  If he was unable to see us, we'd still have a great time on the left coast.

After our too short phone call, I called my brother to report on things.  My brother gave me another tidbit of information which I did not have.  And I asked him to relay my concerns to my uncle's agent, as I do not have the agent's name, nor do I want to be the point of contact for information regarding my uncle's affairs.  (Also, I feel that my brother knows more than he lets on, and doesn't trust me with anything.  But that's another story for another day.)  Hopefully, I'll get more information soon.  But I know that in the long term, it will only be bad news.  And I feel sad about things that eventually must come.

California Vacation 2023 - Some Final Thoughts

 

As some of my readers might know, I chose to cruise out of Los Angeles, so that I could visit my uncle. When I originally planned this trip, my 90 y/o uncle was taking care of himself and his wife in comfort. Unfortunately, things changed since then.  In trying to care for my aunt, not setting limits, he fell and broke his hip.  Now, both my aunt and uncle are in separate care facilities, and my uncle was just told that he will never be able to live on his own again.  He was not in the right frame of mind for us to visit.

I'm glad that RQS and I scheduled a day of sightseeing in Los Angeles in addition to visiting my uncle, as neither of us thought that the day before the cruise was a wasted day.  Yes, we could have done more things if we had done more research.  But we accomplished a lot by visiting two museums and taking advantage of serendipity when we could.

We were both impressed by the level of service provided by Princess.  Yet, we were unhappy with the Princess App. The app was slow, and didn't always provide the information we needed. For example, when we needed to find out the hours for the main dining room, the app did not provide that  information.  When we wanted to find out what performers were in the main theater and the times of their shows, we could not find that on the app.  We were better served by reading the paper Princess Patter.  Not everything was bad about the app.  But Princess has a long way to go before the app can replace many of the things best done the old fashioned way.

This trip made RQS feel that we need to spend more time in California on our next visit.  Not only is San Francisco worth more than spending just two days there. But the same could be said for San Diego as well.  Only Los Angeles stands out as "a suburb in search of a city."  And who wants to visit a suburb when one can visit a city?

California Vacation 2023 - Los Angeles

The Birth of a Nation.  It was one of the landmark films of American Cinema.  But its racism gets me sick when I think about how the KKK is portrayed in this film.  Yet, this film is referenced in the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures as part of its exhibit of how African Americans have been portrayed in American cinema.

But first....

Last year, I contacted MWL (a woman I once dated) to find out which shore excursions I should take when in Hawaii.  Recently, she contacted me to find out whether I knew of some good places to eat in Los Angeles in her upcoming visit. And after her return, I found out that she used the mass transit system (mostly buses) to get around town.  So that gave me the idea that we might be able to use LA's mass transit system to get around town, and avoid having to use Ubers or local cabs.  I didn't know how bad a decision that would be, given our the experience we were to have in this city.  

- - - - - -

RQS and I made a decision to see both the Academy Museum and the Petersen Automotive Museum before trying to visit my uncle in the nursing home.  We asked people at the hotel how we could get to an active Metro station, and no one had a clue.  LA is a car culture, and almost no one uses mass transit.  This was evidenced by the directions we got to a metro station "only" 4 long blocks away.  After walking there in the heat, we found that the station was was under construction and wouldn't be open until next year.  So, we ended up deciding to take an Uber to the museums.

This was my first time using the Uber app, and it took me a bit of time to get things working.  Luckily, we had help from an Uber driver who was waiting for an airport call.  After I got things set up and clicked on the "Ride Request" button, someone else agreed to the fare before our Uber driver even got the message.  AARGH!  We wanted to give him the business.  But we got a driver with whom we had a nice chat, and he helped us fix an error in the destination address while on the way to the museums.

Once at the Academy Museum, we gravitated to the exhibit of Blacks in Cinema, and I found it very interesting.  Although I identify as White, I knew of some of the racism Blacks faced in American cinema.  But I didn't know how diverse the black cinema experience was.  I found it interesting that movies targeted to the African American audience had as many themes as those targeted to a White audience, and often noted that the films had an all Black cast.

 
Both RQS and I noted that this museum gave a superficial view of what goes into making a movie.  New York's Museum of the Moving Image and New York's Paley Center gives the visitor a better idea of what goes into making a motion picture (Movies and TV Shows).  But I digress....

 
When we were done with the Academy Museum, it was across the street we went to the Petersen Automotive Museum.  And it was here that the full history of automobiles was on display, using individual automobiles (and motorcycles) to show the art of personal transportation by motorized vehicle.  We spent a couple of hours here, and wished we had more time, so that we could visit "The Vault."  But that's something for another visit.

Next, it was off to my uncle's nursing home.  On the way there (via Uber), my uncle returned my call and said that he wasn't up to having visitors.  Of course, this is understandable, as he was just told that he will never be able to return to his home due to injuries sustained in caring for my aunt.  So we walked around Beverly Hills a little bit, and then went for dinner at a reasonably proced Indian Restaurant.

After dinner, it was back to the hotel to get ready for our first day on the cruise ship....
 

California Vacation 2023 - We're on our way!

 

The California Coast.  I haven't been here in a while, but surprisingly,  I wasn't feeling that great about taking this cruise.  My uncle might not want to see me.  I might not enjoy the visit to San Francisco. And RQS's cousin (in San Diego) and I might not get along.  So many things could go wrong, and I wasn't yet ready for this trip.

So it was with a little trepidation that I trekked off to RQS's place on the day before our flight.  I took the time to explain this to her, and she understood how I was feeling.  She was a little nervous, as she'd be leaving her 18 year old cat with the sitter for 10 days.  Even with these things on our mind, we were committed to this trip, and hoped to enjoy it, no matter what happened.

- - - - - -

The next day, it was off to the airport.  We got there a bit early and breezed through security, leaving us 2 hours to kill before the flight was to board.  When we checked our bags, we found that our seats had been changed.  Our plane was changed, and we were lucky to get compatible seat assignments to what we had on the original plane.  We boarded the plane quickly, accidentally cutting in front of the line. And this gave us the leeway to find space in the overhead bins for our carry-on luggage and my CPAP machine.  Given that we were told that there might not be enough space in the overhead bins, this was a stroke of good fortune.

About 6 hours later, we were in Los Angeles, and made our way to the hotel.  We found that by being a member of the hotel's loyalty program, we could get free wi-fi.  So I signed up, but the software wouldn't let me finish the demographic entry process.  This was a problem that the hotel's staff couldn't fix.  And this caused me to be charged for wi-fi later on.  (Mariott's Bonvoy software is crap, and I don't trust their programmers to get things right - avoid the chain and its partners if possible.)  

Being tired, we didn't bother to shop around for a restaurant, as there was nothing in walking distance of the airport hotels.  Instead, we ate at the hotel, and spent $120 for a dinner we could get at a local diner for $50.  You can guess how quickly we fell asleep after dinner....

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, I will have both gone to a doctor to see about my persistent cough and have gone on my California cruise with RQS.  And I'll have much to report when I get back.

I'm not one who is comfortable going to new doctors, dealing with new procedures, etc. when it comes to my health.  So, it took a badly abscessed tooth to get me going to a dentist on a regular basis.  It took me almost getting pneumonia to start seeing my internist on a regular basis.  It took a former girlfriend to get me to see a sleep doctor. And it took a former friend to get me to see a dermatologist (who I should see again soon). As you can guess, I am nervous about going to the Doc in a Box today, and may write another post about it later on.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow, we'll be flying to LA for our cruise.  On our one full free day in LA, we intend to see my uncle, and then do a little of the tourist thing.  Unfortunately, many of the attractions will close at 5 pm, not giving us enough time to do more than one museum or attraction.  But then, I never loved LA.  Its sprawl befits the description, "LA is a suburb in search of a city." I prefer to be in a traditional city.

Afterward, we will go on our cruise and stop in San Francisco for a couple of days. In a way, this trip is our way of connecting with family on the West Coast. First, we'll visit the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes. RQS won't mind that, as I was with her when she scattered her husband's ashes. (Of course, we'll spend the better part of the two days in San Francisco doing the typical tourist thing.) Then we will sail off to San Diego, where we'll meet up with RQS's cousin for the day. And all too soon, we'll be home.

It's been hard to identify why I am ambivalent about taking this trip.  And now I think I've figured it out.  It will likely be the last time I see my uncle while he's alive.  It may be the last time I visit San Francisco and go where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  It may be the last chance that RQS gets to meet her older cousin.  In short, it's a trip with a set of "Lasts" that is giving me a sense of sadness before it begins.

- - - - - -   

A while back, FCP criticized me, saying that I had nothing going on in my life. (I take this slightly out of context, as I don't want to rehash old wounds.)  I think she'd now say that I have a life of my own. It's far from perfect, but it's my life and I'm living it.

RQS makes me glad that she's in my life.  Unlike Ex-GF-M, RQS is willing to try new things when with me.  She is willing to get a little lost along the way, and explore what serendipity brings to us.  Unlike XGFJ, she's willing to force the issue and make me tell her how I feel.  And unlike my relationship with Patty, our relationship is built on solid ground - we both feel secure.  It's a shame that it took me almost 25 years to find a relationship that really works for me. But as they say, "you've got to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince(ss)."  

It's Getting Close

 

Soon, I'll be on another vacation.  Hopefully, the above picture will give you a clue to where I'm going, and what I'll be doing. The problem is that I'm a little ambivalent about taking this cruise.  My uncle is frail, and I'll have to take mass transit to reach him.  Additionally, I won't be able to present as Marian during this cruise.  So, it won't be as much fun as it could be. With that being said, I still think I'll have a good time.  I'll be on the West coast, and I have always felt good when in California..  And, yes, I'll catch up on my posting when I get back.  

This will be RQS's first time in California.  It's been over a decade since I've been to either San Francisco or Los Angeles, and I'm looking forward to being in both cities again.  In Los Angeles, there are a couple of museums I want to see after seeing my uncle.  In San Francisco, it'll be nice to show RQS around and to explore new places which I haven't gotten to yet. When we eventually reach San Diego, we will connect with RQS's cousin. Hopefully, we'll have enough time to see her and see a sight or two before returning to the ship. Once done with California, it will be time for the obligatory stop in Mexico for compliance with the US Passenger Vessel Services Act. Then it will back to Los Angeles and onward to home.  

Why am I ambivalent?  I think it's because there isn't that much that excites me about this itinerary.  San Francisco is not the city that I remember.  Los Angeles is still a suburb in search of a city. We will not be able to explore San Diego the way we'd like to do if we visited this city by land first. And, Mexico is Mexico - not a place that interests me.  At least, I will have the company of RQS on this trip. And that's what's important to me.

Wildfires in Canada and the Smog in New York

 

When I was young, people would make comments about the smog in Los Angeles, as the pollution from their cars and trucks made their air hard to breathe.  Today, as I write this, the particulate matter in New York's air is even worse than LA at it's worst.

Going outside is a risk for most of us.  The pollution index is higher than it has ever been.  Baseball games have been cancelled, and people are wearing N95 face masks which were put away since pandemic restrictions ended. When I go outside, it smells if there is a small wood fire nearby - even though there are many big fires over 800 miles away.  This is the scope of this disaster.  We're seeing a prelude to what we should expect as the effects of global warming take place.

Sometimes I wonder if the "Book of Revelations" is a simple metaphor for what is going on in the world.  No, I'm not thinking of the Bible as being divinely inspired.  Instead, I wonder if our planet was contacted by an advanced civilization who had the technology to predict what humanity would do to this planet and itself centuries in the future.  If so, could the "End Times" themselves be a metaphor for the challenges we have to face before things become simple and "easy" for mankind?  Assuming that is the case, we then have hope of getting through what may be the most interesting and challenging times humanity will endure, and come out the other side as an improved species when improved societies.

All too often, people look too closely at the arc of history.  If we look too closely, we see this smog as something to fear.  Could a different view mean that this represents a challenge to be overcome, a test that will make us stronger if we act wisely?

I'm not really sure of anything, but my Magic 8-Ball says: "Reply Hazy, Try Again."

But where do I want to go that's affordable and safe for me?

 

Until early next year, it will not be prudent to schedule more vacations than already in the docket.  Yet, I would like to find a couple of overnight (or weekend) trips we can make from NYC at a minimal cost. Given that we can get to most major Eastern cities at a reasonable cost on Amtrak, the cost of travel (in both time and money) will not be an issue.  Instead, it is the choice of where to go.

I expect that hotel stays will be the biggest expense for us, followed by dining, transportation and miscellaneous expenses. We've narrowed the list of places to visit to the following 3 cities: Boston, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC.  Boston and Philadelphia are cities I have not developed a feel for yet, so I'd like to explore them when possible.

What does this say about other cities?  My impression of many other cities is that they do not have enough attractions for us to spend a weekend in the city, and that we would need a car to get around because of the paucity of good mass transit.  In addition, many cities in the Red States are hostile to all but cisgender people. Although I will be flying to Chicago in the Fall, it is one of the few cities outside the Northeast that I have found have enough things to do and is safe for me to visit while presenting as a female.

Even if I decided to travel as Mario, the issue of mass transit is important.  Most modern American cities have evolved around a Post-WW2 Car Culture.  Mass transit has been neglected, as people seem to prefer cocooned commutes to work.  Years ago, Los Angeles had one of the best public transit systems in the USA.  Now, it is trying to replace what it lost in the 1950's.  When I visit LA later on this year, I will be reluctant to take buses to reach my uncle's current residence, and will spend much more money taking an Uber for the trip.  Unfortunately, all too many American cities have become like LA, and this limits my choices for weekend trips.

Luckily, this doesn't rule out travel to Canada, even if I have to take a plane to get there.  Although Mount Royal (Montreal) is a quick ride North for me, I don't want to visit a place which penalizes people for using English in what is supposed to be a bilingual nation.  In the USA, we're seeing the use of Spanish change us into a bilingual nation.  And for the most part, we accommodate Spanish speakers much more than Quebec accommodates English speakers.  Instead, I would likely go to Toronto, a great city and one worth exploring at leisure.  Having been there before, I can say that the Theater and Restaurant scenes in Toronto make the city a great place to visit.

Yes, I have my prejudices in where I will travel.  But who doesn't?   This New Yorker will only go where I feel welcome, safe, and where I can get around with ease.  

Dealing with snags when booking a cruise.

If all goes right by the time you see this, RQS and I will have finally booked a California cruise for sometime later this year.  Ideally, it should be a simple thing to call a travel agent, tell him/her what you want, and have the best possible vacation that fits your requirements.  In our case, we have complications related to seeing my uncle that must be addressed, and that's where the problem lies.

 

You will notice that the rate for the SUV is $87/day (plus taxes, etc.)  Given that airport prices are excessive, seeing a $240 total is reasonable for this rental.  However, the travel agent's quotes for this one item are excessive.  He got a rate of $235/day ($470 total).  Something is very wrong here!

 

I could go to a different rental company and get even better rates.   But I prefer to stay with a company that is nationwide in scope, has a high recommendation rate and charges reasonable rates.  Unfortunately, I feel that the travel agent didn't double check his work and gave us a rate for 9 days, and not 2 days.  (I could be very wrong on this. But RQS and I have both done our homework on this cruise, and have found that the other prices are reasonable for what we are getting.)

- - - - - -

Assuming we get this last snag worked out, we will be spending a day in Los Angeles with my uncle, 2 days in San Francisco, a day in San Diego with RQS's cousin, and the rest of the time soaking in hot tubs.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!