I never thought that I'd be saying NO to meetup groups.

 

Today's post will be a quick one, as I don't have much to say today.

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Recently, I've been saying "No" to attending meetup groups more often than I want to bother attending them.  This amazes me after all the "Sturm und Drang" I was dealing with last year.  

Right now, I'm bored with people.  Dating is a hassle, and there are times that I can't bother with the effort. Even though I feel a little lonely at times, the effort of leaving my shell often takes up more energy I want to expend in the process.  

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Could you say that I am depressed?  Maybe.  Yet, I feel like I'm still recovering from the disaster that was 2020. I was hurt by two of the people I cared about most  (In one case, I was not the innocent party.  But that's another story told elsewhere - such as in my prior blog, which is no longer available to anyone.) I spent so much energy trying to find ways to connect with people that I ignored the connections I already had.

Until things fully get back to normal, I don't know how well I can recharge.  But I know that being able to interact with the world as Marian will be part of the process.

 

Another cruise has been added to my bucket list

I stumbled across the above trip last night, and it's one I'll have to take in Mario mode.  Seeing Antarctica has been on my bucket list for a while.  Although this NCL cruise doesn't go to the Antarctic mainland, it is close enough to suit my wishes.  (I'm not going to blow the whole wad on a Hurtigruten cruise to this region, when I can spend half as much and still have a good time.)

Hopefully, I will have a new travel partner by the time I take this cruise.  However, I am not going to limit myself to NCL for a cruise in this region.  I could just as easily take the Princess cruise below:

This is a cruise that spends more time in Antarctica, allowing the cruiser to get a longer view of the beauty of that region of the planet.  This cruise might be the better deal of the two cruises, as it seems to have a broader scope of things to see on the trip.

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Bucket list trips are meant to be shared with someone.  I'm hoping that both of these trips will be available at year end 2023, so that I can choose between the two (or more) Antarctic cruises that may be sailing then. I only wish my late wife was still alive to share this experience with me.

 

Here's one cruise ship I won't sail on with a friend

Above is a screen clipping from a blogger whose posts I read now and then.  This woman cruises on the cheap and provides advice to people on how to take more cruises for less.  In this case, she notes the most unusual "bathroom" layout she's found on a cruise ship.

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Most cruise ships use a bathroom layout similar to that pictured on the left.  There is a toilet, a shower stall, and a sink in the same compartment.  Once in that compartment, one has complete privacy.  This is not the case on the Norwegian Epic, whose bathroom layout is illustrated on the right. The picture below should give you a better idea of how this looks from the inside.

What bothers me most about this layout is that I would have no privacy if a friend entered/exited the room while I was showering or relieving myself.  There is little reason for a layout like this, save to skimp on passenger space.

And this leads to the selection of a potential cruise partner.  Having cruised alone, and with 3 different women, I've learned that being in close quarters with the same person for a week (or more) can be better than sailing alone, or much worse than sailing alone.

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I have taken only 2 cruises by myself.  The first was a solo cruise to Alaska after losing my wife to cancer.  The second was an 11 day cruise to the Caribbean where I had a great time on the ship and made a couple of new friends.  Both of these cruises were taken in an inside cabin, and the only thing I can remember about the first cruise ship was how dark it was when the lights were out.  With the second ship, I don't remember the cabin much at all.  This, I think, was related to the mood I was in before taking the cruise.

My second cruise was taken with the girlfriend I had met shortly after losing my wife.  We were joining another couple who was celebrating their honeymoon and invited us to join then on the cruise.  (No, two couples, two separate rooms.)  I have stories I can tell about this cruise, but can't remember much about the ship, save for the main dining room where they served Baked Alaska on the cruise's final night. Then there was the cruise to Florida and the Bahamas I took with another (now) ex-girlfriend.  This was not a good cruise for the two of us to take, as it illustrated the problems that two people with two different styles would have being together - the activities on board and on shore days were not those that would bring the two of us closer together. Lastly, there were the cruises I took with my former cruise partner.  Although we had very different interests, we meshed well on all but one cruise.  We did different things, and got together for dining and for shows.  (I won't go into any detail regarding the last cruise we took together, as that was problematic from before the start. Even my Ex-Girlfriend said that going on that cruise was a big mistake for both of us, reminding me that I didn't want to go in the first place.  The former cruise partner was lonely, and needed something I could not give her in my role as a friend.)  Because I wasn't expected to entertain this partner, we got along well for our good cruises.  But on this last cruise, she exploded as she was dealing with too many stressors, with an action of mine catalyzing the explosion.  (I hope she does better with her next cruise partner.)

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Finding a compatible cruise partner can be hard.  First, you have to know whether the two of you have compatible personal habits.  ("How much space does he/she use in a cabin?"  "Is this person messy?" "Does this person snore?" are among the questions I might ask.)  Then, you may want to know whether that person needs to be "entertained" while on the cruise.  For example, I can do shore excursions by myself, and I can do them with someone.  But they have to be ones I want to do, and they will usually be ones I haven't done before.  You'll want to know whether a person is a night owl or an early bird.  This is important for the last night of the cruise, as the ship's crew is trying to get everyone off the ship as early as possible the next morning, so that they can make up the rooms for the next group of passengers.  (Who wants to hear complaints from someone who doesn't share the same sleep/wake cycle as you when dealing with the stresses of disembarkation and going home?)

Once you find this travel partner, get as much travel in as possible.  Cruises, land travel, etc. are fun, and best done with a friend.  Some of my best trips were shared with someone close to me.  Even now, I can still chuckle about a summer trip we took where we stayed in a hotel without air conditioning. (We didn't need it.)  I still want to return to a hotel on the banks of the Merced river, just outside of Yosemite park, where I stayed with a then girlfriend.  And I wish I could have traveled more with my wife while she was alive.  Now that I can have both money and time, I expect that I will be traveling again soon.  And I hope to have a friend with me with whom I can build memories.



What advice would you give to someone regarding travel partners?

 

 

We all have baggage!

I can still remember when people with money traveled with steamer trunks like the one pictured above.  These were sturdy items meant to take abuse - and many of these cases did.  Although I'm going on a cruise soon, the days of these trunks are long gone, and many have been repurposed for use as furniture. Even the luggage I had up to a couple of years ago is obsolete, as the goal now is to make a suitcase as strong and light as possible.  This allows a person to carry more items (usually clothing) in a suitcase, and still not get hit with overweight charges when taking a flight.

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Today, I am thinking of the problems I might have when I tall one woman that I live a good portion of my life as Marian.  Will she run away, as several other women have done?  Or, will she be intrigued?  How do I phrase things as not to scare this woman off?  The woman I want to reveal myself to has baggage of her own.  She has taken on a responsibility that few women would accept - all to help two people who are not in a position to help themselves yet.  So there might be a positive ending, if we could see things through to a positive ending. 

Right now, it's been over 2 years since a woman has shared a bed  with me, and I miss the experience.  Yet, this period has been one of growth.  I've had to learn NOT to lean on two people I once depended on - and I've come out OK.  (I wonder how well one of them is doing - but I'm not going to ask about it.)  It seems that losing important people in my life causes emotional growth spurts for which I see things differently at the end of the process.  

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I have more baggage than just being Marian.  But I only plan to show it to someone who is comfortable trusting me enough to see all of her baggage.  I wonder how long it will take for that to happen....

I sent out a letter

The other day, I sent out a letter to someone I once had as a close friend.  Although I was the person who caused the rift two years ago, I was recently pissed at her for  cursing me out for no real reason.  She perceived a slight from me when I disagreed with her labeling of an action of hers as a favor when it wouldn't be considered such by most people.  I figured that I'd bide my time, and waited to send my response to her.  

Now, my recent letter wasn't nasty.   No longer was I going to be apologetic for what I did, now that 2 years have passed. If we hadn't found a way to rebuild a burnt bridge, then why keep trying?  Instead, I simply needed to get some things off my chest other than my falsies.  Sadly, she is the type to anger easily, and never consider a form of reconciliation.  (No, I'm not looking for a friendship.  Instead, I just wanted to say a couple of things I felt she needs to hear.)  Nor is she the type to listen to what someone else has to say when she feels slighted.  Thankfully, there never was any sexual chemistry between us - I'd hate to have lived with her "Sturm und Drang" under the same roof.

Do I miss this ex-friend?  Sometimes, but not often.  I miss her even less now after she tried to make me feel bad for not having her in my life. There are times that I want to share something, then realize that this person is no longer in my life and not available for sharing. (I scattered the ashes of that former friendship months ago.)  Luckily, I have enough people in my life with whom I can share things, and I don't need this person anymore.

This ex-friend once thanked me for introducing her to another of my acquaintances, but did it in a way which felt like she was trying to rub salt into old open wounds. (This acquaintance now knows of what happened at the end of summer, and of this letter.) It would be nice if this ex-friend would think of how other people would think of her words and actions before doing anything, instead of speaking or acting on impulse.  Maybe, she might get the happiness she wants and deserves in life.  I hope she finds this happiness soon.  I just won't be there to see it.

 

 

Happy Birthday Someone!

 

I accidentally deleted my original entry for the day.  However, I found this birthday card, and picked it up because it reflected my sense of humor.

In many ways, birthdays don't mean that much to me. The reason they don't is that I rarely had someone to celebrate them with.  As a youth, I didn't have many friends.  In middle age, my wife had passed away, and there was no stable relationship with a person who cared to mark this day with me.  And now, its only meaning is to note how much closer I am to death.

Recently, I booked a cruise, and looked at the travel insurance price charts. Each year I get older, I have to pay more for the insurance I need for the cruise.  Then, I thought about turning 65, and having to enroll in Medicare.  So many things start to kick in as one gets older.  Social Security Full Retirement Age (FRA) Distribution starts for me at 66 1/2, and I have to start taking Required Minimum Distributions (RMDs) by the time I turn 72.  Each year denotes something, and not all of them are pleasant.

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There is a person whom I'd wish a Happy Birthday to, that I am no longer in contact anymore.  (She has said things about me that I won't repeat here - her anger regarding a screw up of mine hasn't dissipated in over 2 years.)  Hopefully, she'll see this and enjoy the sentiment of the card above.  

At least, I found this card funny....

As they say - Getting old is better than the alternative....

I broke down and bought something I could use at work.

Normally, I would not bother buying an MP3 player, as I already own a cell phone which can play MP3 files.  However, I figure that as long as I'm working where I work, it makes sense for me to listen to music (or radio) via an MP3 player which is unable to be used for taking pictures ot recording images.

Given that Apple no longer supports its original iPod music players, only 3rd tier Chinese manufacturers are producing units that suit my needs.  And that suits me fine.  This unit comes with all I need to carry my complete music collection with me when I go to work.  And even if I leave this job soon, I can carry it with me when I'm eventually called in for jury duty.  (The judges do not want people waiting in the jury selection area to be bothered by phones ringing, disturbing the selection process.)

I figure that having a unit like this will serve a limited function for a limited amount of time.  And that's fine with me, as I am tired of not having any stimulation while sitting at my work station.

 

PS: I had to return this unit, as it didn't play files saved in my iTunes format (M4A).
PPS: I ordered a replacement that plays M4A files.