Where does a non-op trans person go to the loo?

 

Although this may be a short post, it poses a dilemma that can cause us problems if in the wrong place at the wrong time - Where can a non-op trans person go to the loo while traveling across the United States?

When I first started going out as Marian, I worried what people would think when I went to the women's room to relieve myself. In New York, I didn't feel that I had to worry much - even though I may not have looked as much as a woman than a man in a dress.  But I had serious concerns.  Over time, both my feminine presentation skills and my confidence in going out as Marian developed quite a bit.  Most of the time now, I think people see me as an oversized woman instead of a fat man in a dress.

I've traveled as Marian, having taken cruises to New England/Eastern Canada ports, to Eastern Caribbean ports (only getting off at St. Martin and St. Thomas), to ports along the California coast, and to Hawaii. In addition, I've traveled to Washington, DC and Chicago, Il as Marian.  But I know that I have to be careful where I travel, given laws that affect transgender people.  For example, GOP states have enacted laws that limit where transgender people can relieve themselves.  I was surprised to find that Texas (with its laws that prohibit gender changes on legal documents) hasn't yet (as far as this map shows) been enacted a bathroom bill.  (Maybe I can find a way to visit my friends in Texas after all....)

Soon, RQS and I may schedule a last minute cruise to New England/Eastern Canada on the same ship that will take us to Bermuda.  This will only happen if a co-op meeting has to be postponed.  I'm hoping that we can take this cruise, as it will be nice to cruise again as Marian. 

 

PS: I can say that I committed a criminal act in one of the states I've visited by going to the loo.  It's nice to be a criminal!

The end of a weekend came with an oil change and tire rotation

 

Yesterday, RQS and I sat around the house relaxing until a little before dusk.  At that time, we went out so that she could practice her photography skills.  But this is not the focus of today's post.

- - - - - -

Today was the first day that I had to wear male clothes in a while.  In fact, I can't remember the last time I had to present myself as Mario.  And it felt strange to get dressed in trousers and a shirt, instead of a casual dress with a sweater nearby to keep me comfortable.  Yet, I'll be doing so for the better part of the work week, as I've scheduled 3 days worth of appearances for Mario:

• Monday: Get 6,000 mile car service (oil change and tire rotation)|
• Tuesday: Get fMRI for scientific study I'm participating in.
• Thursday: In-person appointment at NYC's Department of Vital Records or Department of Health  to get birth certificates  (for myself and my dad, each with an apostille for international use)

Although I might want to visit NYC's offices as Marian, it might be easier for me to present myself as being consistent with my legal identification.  Even if I were to dress as Marian on Wednesday, I will still a bit strange if I were to have dinner with RQS on Thursday as Mario.  

- - - - - -

Last night, I transferred my money and my ID into my male wallet in preparation to use it today.  When RQS and I got dressed to leave the house, I almost forgot it on my desk - I've gotten so used to going out as Marian with my handbag, that thinking about putting my wallet in my trousers wasn't an automatic part of getting dressed for me.

After dropping RQS off at the station, I relaxed for a little while before taking my car to the dealership for its 6,000 mile service.  Although I got there a little early, it took longer than expected before I got my car back.  And since I was in the area, I decided to stop at BJ's for a little (and I mean little) retail therapy.  By the time I left, I had tonight's dinner and some chicken pot pies I could eat over the next 2 weeks.

Tomorrow, I'll be driving to Queens to take care of the fMRI.  Sadly, I'll have to take the studs out of my earlobes for this scan, and I know I'll have a hard time putting them back in again.
 

Oysters with RQS

 

While at dinner in NYC, RQS and I discussed dinner plans for the weekend.  I suggested picking up Lobster at Shoprite, while RQS was thinking of Oysters at Whole Foods.  Guess what we chose - Oysters on Friday night and Lobsters on Saturday.  Yum!  (Just don't tell my doctor about this.)  Seafood would be the theme for the weekend, and all I might want to do was find some clam chowder or lobster bisque to make things perfect.

- - - - - -

I didn't get a good night's sleep before, and I woke up early on Friday morning having forgotten about our dinner choices for the weekend.  So, when RQS mentioned that she'd be coming up around 2:30 pm, I realized that I had to rush to get ready.  Like a typical woman, my dilemma was what to wear.  So I picked out a coral version of the navy blue dress I wore the night before and got ready to pick RQS up at the station.

Croton-Harmon station is undergoing major renovation.  The town is installing solar panels over the entire parking lot (at least, over the areas not prone to flooding) as a way of generating new revenue for the town.  This has caused major sections of the parking lot to be taken off line while the solar panels are installed above the parking areas.  (It'll be nice for many to be able to park in areas protected from inclement weather.  Sadly, this only helps those with preferred parking space permits.)  This week, construction took out the parking area that the local taxis normally use and this created a mess around the area where passengers usually depart the station and get to their rides home.  The taxi stands have been relocated to the far end of the station, people have to walk further to reach parked cars, and the pick-up area is much more congested than normal.  This made it hard for RQS to find me, so I had to call her to tell her where to find me.

Once in the car, we ended up going to Whole Foods for oysters.  Arriving at 3:00 (or so), the first thing we did was to order 3 dozen oysters and have them shucked for us.  30 minutes later, we were feasting on our trays in the store.  It's nice to be able to get oysters at $1 each on Fridays, as something expensive becomes an affordable treat.  Both of us found that 18 oysters each was a perfect midday meal to start a summer's weekend.

After finishing our meal, it was time to go home and relax.  Although we went out later for a ride, the oysters were the high point of the day....

Another NYC Restaurant Week Dinner with RQS

RQS mentioned that a restaurant in the Flatiron district had extended its restaurant week offerings, so that they end on the last day of the month.  Although this place (Sagaponack) had a $1/Oyster special for happy hour on Fridays, I suggested that we take advantage of the $45/pp Prix Fixe restaurant week offering on a Thursday.  This would be the second week in a row that I'd take the train into NYC to have a nice dinner.  But this week, I didn't feel bloated after dinner.

The restaurant week menu at Sagaponack isn't much different than its usual menu.  However, with Gambas de Ajillo (Shrimp cooled in a garlic and pimento sauce), Wagyu beef burgers and Peekytoe Crab Rolls on the menu, we just had to try the place out.  Although most of the diners simply dropped in for a table, we had made reservations for 7:30 pm.  Upon entering the place, RQS noticed that there were almost no males in the place.  (This would not be the case for long.)  And we were shown our way to the back to enjoy our meal.

Service was good, albeit a tad slow.  But we weren't rushed either.  Both of us ordered the shrimp for an appetizer, while RQS ordered the crab roll for a main course and I ordered the Burger.  If I say the shrimp were the best part of the meal, it's not because the other offerings weren't top notch.  It's because the shrimp had a wonderful flavor well above and beyond what we had a right to expect for an appetizer. Next came our main courses.  If I knew how good the crab roll would taste, I would have ordered that instead of the Wagyu beef burger.  Yet, the burger was cooked to perfection.  Dessert was either of two varieties of Panna Cotta.  It was a wonderful way to end a good meal.  We will certainly go to this place again.

RQS and I walked to Union Square holding hands all the way.  It's nice for two women to be able to openly show public signs of affection in NYC.  I don't think I'd ever want to leave the NYC region if I didn't have to - it's one of the rare places that allow people to be themselves if they don't harm others.  It's much better than any place below the Mason-Dixon line these days.

All too soon, I was on my way home.  It was nice to finally strip and get comfortable.

Politics: Another term for many flesh eating insects.

 

Huey P. Long - Former Governor of Louisiana.

Huey Long was a one of a kind politician.  He was a populist dictator in many ways, and someone who pissed off many of the wrong people.  Although he championed the cause of the poor white man and believed in checking the power of the former elite who once ran his state's government, he amassed unchecked power in his own right and could only be stopped by a bullet from an assassin's gun.

Why is this important?

Long's family continued to dominate his state's politics long after his death, and represents the danger of vesting too much power in one person and in one person's family. Today, we have a choice between "Honest Politicians" (def: One who when bought, stays bought) and others who will abuse power once they have it and destroy our political system for their own gain.

Given that I am a member of the LGBTIQ community, I am very concerned about what will happen if Trump gets elected.  How many people do you know that can go bankrupt several times and be considered a successful politician by his cult members?  How many of my readers know that he made $300,000 by endorsing an edition of the bible - a book that he never has read and never will read.  Every decision he makes is short term in nature, and is done to refresh his bank account or to indulge his desire for absolute power.  His alliance with hard line Christian Fundamentalists puts my life at risk, as I don't want to go back to living life as in the gender which I was assigned at birth.  Although I could go stealth, I don't trust that my privacy will be respected in any regime where he is the leader - I would not be safe if our community is hunted down as Jews were in Nazi Germany.

Sadly, many of the "Never Trump" Republicans have sold their souls to keep being elected and having their hands greased by people wanting favors.  They fear Trump's cult.  Even though many hate him, they are afraid of being voted out of power.  So, they mouth support for this evil man and make him stronger.  These people have as much use to me as a lone star tick, as I don't like what wither species can do to me.

Luckily, we have a good chance of keeping our former president far from the White House, now that Kamala Harris is the Democratic Presidential nominee.  The Democratic party is far from perfect - it wants to protect illegal aliens already in this country instead of shipping them back to their homelands. Yet, it does want to make sure that all asylum seekers get their day in court without having to wait for years due to an underfunded court system - a more humane way of dealing with part of the problem. We have a choice between humanity and inhumanity.  I'm choosing to err on the side of humanity.  How about you?

The older I get, the more I know when to get worried or not.

 

There is one big advantage to being young: The invincibility that one often feels propels us to take chances in life that older and wiser people might not take.  For example, when young, we often choose our mates on superficial characteristics.  For example: Is s/he good looking?  This question may have evolved as a way to determine the health characteristics of a person during the age that they are most fertile.  It also can reflect how high a status level a mate might have (especially in males), as both attractiveness and height can reflect both physical health and social position. 

But what questions should we ask as we get older?  What advantages do we have because we have successfully made it to old age?  This is where I feel that I have gotten better as I've gotten older.  Yes, my body is slowly breaking down as a normal part of aging.  But the memories and skills I've developed over those years have given me the insights to ask better questions when choosing a mate.

Lately, I've been thinking about how many big mistakes I've made in my life.  Some of these mistakes occurred because I didn't have enough knowledge to make wise decisions.  Others were made because I didn't have the skills to implement those wise decisions.  When I was young, I had low expectations - if the woman I dated accepted me and we didn't kill each other, then she was acceptable.  Can I say that I'd have married my late wife had I known what would happen in the future?  Maybe not.  But would she have chosen me had she known what would occur in our marriage?  Again, maybe not.  I could say similar things about other women I've dated.  But with RQS, both of us knew what we were getting early on in our relationship, and we have similar values with complimentary communication styles.  This makes having a healthy relationship possible, and we have yet to shout "Tastes Great!" or "Less Filling!" at each other..

Many men look for "a nurse and a purse" when they look for a woman in their senior years.  Women also look for the same, with emphasis on the purse due to inequality of wealth between the genders.  Neither of us wanted that.  We simply wanted companionship, with a little romance on the side.  RQS knew I was transgender from our second date, and I knew about her issues the day I met her.  We feel good when we're together, and I'm glad that she brings up issues for me to handle before they have the chance to fester and cause us problems.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to take advantage of the benefits of being old before the drawbacks cripple us and make it impossible for us to enjoy the rest of our lives.  After my mom died, my dad became less active over the years, and eventually not able to live on his own.  Neither RQS nor I want to have old age take away our abilities to live life without being in a care home.  The care home may be in our futures.  But until then, we will try to live as best we can.  (Albeit with me in dresses most of the time.)

- - - - - -

But what do I worry about?

Lately, I find myself worrying about the possibility that the United States will become a fundamentalist "Christian" autocracy led by a bombastic narcissistic grifter.  It's bad enough that this person is a cult leader.  Unfortunately, we have seen the mess he made of this country in his 4 years in power.  Now, he has had 4 years to learn how to cement his control over the country, I'm afraid of what he will do to anyone who is not a white, straight, christian, cisgender male.  As it stands GOP loyalists have turned the clock back to 1973.  I'm afraid that it will turn the clock back to 1925.  

If we examine the events that occurred to end the "Roaring Twenties", American society changed from being an optimistic, outward looking people to a pessimistic, inward looking people within a few years.  What will happen if the GOP gets full control of the country again?  Will they screw things up as they did in the 1920's?  Will America become more like Nazi Germany than the USA under the New Deal?  Who knows?  But this is what I worry about at night....

 

I did virtually nothing, save walk 3/4 mile.

 

Buying 3 exercise dresses has motivated me to go outside and walk.  Yes, I wonder if people see this T-Gal as just a fat woman trying to stay mobile, or whether they see this T-Gal as a man in a dress.  Given that I'm comfortable going outside as a woman in outfits like the photo above, I do so - and no one seems to be batting an eyelash.

I've found that in order for my face to look more feminine, prop glasses (no corrective lenses) are a must.  If I didn't wear them, people would focus on the parts of my face where I don't want any focus.  (Could facial feminization surgery be in my future?  Only RQS will be able to answer that in a few years.)

Over time, I'd like to find an inexpensive yoga studio near me where I could go as Marian and no one batting an eyelash.  I've come close, but finding a studio has not been at the top of my priority list.  Yet, my goal is to get back to a size 20-22 within a couple of years.  To do that, it'll take diet, exercise and maybe a few shots of a GLP-1 agonist.

Today, I decided to take a walk at George's Island Park.  I've yet to find the official hiking paths there, but I have found a few vantage points from which one can enjoy views of the Hudson River.  It was a little cool for me to be wearing just this exercise dress.  Next time, if it is as cool as it was today, I will bring a jacket I bought from the active wear section of Lane Bryant.

After I left the park, I had a nice conversation with TCL.  And then I called my brother.  I needed to find out the exact spelling of the name my dad used on his passport, so that I can request a copy of his birth certificate.  New York City has to do a manual search on birth certificates which have not yet been digitized, as they are in the middle of indexing the entire physical database of vital records and the year of my dad's birth has not been indexed yet.  

Tomorrow, it will be dinner with a new meetup group.  Wish me luck!