Saturday, March 1, 2025

It's amazing how many places a single credit card is used

 

A year and a half ago, I had my wallet stolen, and had to get replacements for all the cards I had in it.  This wasn't as much of a problem as it seemed, as I was lucky to have done everything right.  However, another card of mine was affected in a data breach, and I found that one of my auto-debits wouldn't work as expected.  Knowing that this would cause me a problem if I didn't resolve it quickly, I decided to get things fixed today, with a little more than a week to go until the next auto-debit.

- - - - - -

Last June, I signed up for a deal with Princess Promotions  where I would get "concierge service", a $3000 credit on my next cruise, $350 in hotel credits, and a 5 night premium hotel stay.  One problem.  This deal is not from Princess Cruises, but a sub par online travel agency using Princess' name and goodwill.  Given that I could get better deals for hotel stays from booking.com or orbitz.com, I realized that this deal wasn't so great and accepted that I would likely lose $500 in the deal.  What I didn't plan on is the credit card I used for payments would get compromised, and a new card number issued just before my last cruise.

Given that the next payment would be coming due soon, I tried to log on to see how I could change my payment method.  And no option was provided.  So now, I had to make a phone call to get this fixed, and I went through a gauntlet to get this done.  If it weren't for the fact that we were getting close to final payment date for my Alaska cruise, I would not have worried so much.  But now, this task is done, and I hope done properly.  Otherwise, I'll have to go through another gauntlet to get things fixed properly so that we can go on our cruise later this year.

- - - - - -

When the data breach occurred and my card got compromised, I had it connected to Uber, Lyft, Curb, EZ-Pass, OMNY, Metrocard, and other services.  I still don't have a complete list yet, but I'll stumble into them as new charges are made by these services.

It could be much worse....

Friday, February 28, 2025

I never used a debit card, and see where that got me.

 

As I've mentioned before, my brother and I own a rental property on Long Island.  After several years of renting the house to tenants, we made the decision to replace the washer and dryer as we refresh the place for our next set of tenants.  Today, I would have bought the above laundry set, save that the debit card for the joint account had expired.

- - - - - -

I was originally scheduled to meet RO for lunch today.  However, her sister is having health problems, and she must help her sister out in time of need.  But where did this leave me?  I now had a free day where I could order a washer/dryer combination and schedule delivery for a time convenient for me to be in Long Island.  So, I decided to get dressed as Mario and drive to Yonkers.

Once in Yonkers, I made sure to check whether there would be any problems with the card, as both ATM cards could be connected to both my personal and our joint account.  (I wanted 2 cards, so that my personal card would always link to my personal checking account, and that the "business" card would always link to the joint account.)  Well, when I went to the ATM, I found that the business card had expired.  Since I wasn't going to use my personal account for the transaction, I called my brother and told him about this glitch, and said that I'd send him the information about the washer/dryer that he now had to buy.

Since I no longer had to go into the appliance store, I figured that I'd go to the cell phone store and pick up some swag they were giving away.  Unlike past swag offers, they were not giving away this item at all of their stores.  I just got lucky and got mine at the store in Yonkers that was near the bank.  And then, I was on my way home for the night.

- - - - - -

Having arrived home, I rested for a while before opening the co-op board meeting.  It's now a pleasure to have meetings that last only 2 hours.  However, we still have a lot of problems to deal with, as we're still dealing with the fallout from our prior managing agent's mismanagement of things.  While on this zoom meeting, I received a message from DCD's ex girlfriend. (I'll call her NDC for now.)   His tumor has returned - bigger than ever.  So, I ended up chatting with her for an hour or so, and found out more details about his life.  His mom bailed out his car, but kicked him out of the house.  Now, he mostly lives out of his car, going to his ex's house to wash and clean up.  This has put some stress into her relationship with her current boyfriend.  She effectively has a grown up stray that needs taking care of, and she (with current boyfriend) have set boundaries for taking care of this stray.  Hopefully, when he goes into the hospital for his next surgery and for chemo, they will be stuck with the responsibility of finding a hospice for him to spend his final days.

While we're talking about DCD, I have to mention that NDC emailed DCD's mom to tell her about DCD's health concerns.  NDC feels that almost everyone in DCD's family orbit is a little F'd up to say the least.  His mom has a room which was prepared for her late husband to spend his final days, and won't let DCD stay there for his final days.  DCD's kids know that he's not long for this world, yet they won't renew contact with him.  (NDC has no idea of why DCD's kids hate him, but we think it's because of DCD's ex wife poisoning the well of affection between them.)  DCD's ex wife may have felt that she could have found a better man, and her resentment could have been the root cause of their divorce.  Strangely enough, DCD's ex was the only person in his current and former family to show an inkling of caring for each other.

When DCD dies, and I expect it to happen this year, I will attend the funeral (if I'm not on a cruise) in female presentation. NDC has only seen me as Marian, though she knows I'm transgender.  DCD's family will not remember me, much less realize anything is amiss.  It'll be a sad day, but it'll be the least I can do to pay my respects.

Thursday, February 27, 2025

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgenders?

 

Why are some people afraid and repulsed by Transgender folk?

 

The above question is something that has been on my mind as of late.  Could it be religion?  Could it be a lack of a strong definition of self identity?  Could it be fear of what others might think of us and do to us?  There are so many reasons, but I think it goes back to the urge to reproduce.

Reproduction is a major effort for most species.  In primate species, the male has it easy - impregnate the female and the absolute need for his existence has ended.  However for the female, her body undergoes changes to accommodate the dependent life within her and eventually expels that life.  But the female's role is not over, as she usually has to take care of her offspring until they are ready to reproduce themselves. In our species, we have evolved to have our males contribute to the effort of raising our offspring, providing an evolutionary protection the premature loss of a parent. (This will vary between cultures.)  I'll admit that this is an oversimplification of something all of us know all too well.  But I think it's the fear of wasting our chances to reproduce that is the root of the fear of transgender people.

The fear of transgenders comes from something people fear: we can break out of virtually all socially assigned roles if we want.  Gender is the first thing people ask about when a baby is born.  A humorous example of this is a joke from the movie Addams Family Values:

Family Members: "What is it?"

Gomez Addams: "It's an Addams!"

The beauty of this line is that the answer is perfectly correct.  But it is not what the questioner wanted to know.  

I believe that sexual preference, sexual identity, and external sexual characteristics are all forms of intersex conditions that are baked into the person while in the womb.  "Normally," the vast majority of people are born as, identify as, and prefer the genders which society would assign at birth.  Statistics show that the lesbian and gay population may be somewhere between 3%-5% of the population. Transgender adults are about 0.5% of the population, and the rest of intersex people are about 0.05% of the population.  Given that most people never have their genes analyzed, they never know whether they are among those who have male external genitalia but have XX chromosomes, or among those who have female genitalia but have XY chromosomes.  Let's not get into all of the potential intersex conditions here.  Simply put, science conflicts with cultural norms, and we're in the middle of a culture war against our will.

The recent edict from the Orange Snowflake looks to deny our existence.  Hopefully, most of my transgender readers have been able to file paperwork for federal government IDs long before the snowflake shut things down for most of us. But this is not just a problem that affects transgender people.  For example, I knew a cisgender female who was mistakenly identified as a male on a Tennessee driver's license.  If she had to fix this problem today, the snowflake's edict would make this impossible.

But what should one do if one is young and pre-op transgender?  My first recommendation would only work if one lived in a state which allows gender markers to be changed AND allows for amended birth certificates.  DO NOT GET FEDERAL ID UNTIL YOU HAVE CHANGED GENDER MARKERS ON ALL STATE IDS ON FILE.  For example, If you live in California, do not travel on aircraft, or travel outside the US until you have your gender marker updated on all documents you may need to file with the Feds.  If this can't be done in your state, get your name changed to one acceptable for males and females, then dress and present androgynously when applying for federal id. This way, you will likely be ignored (as you would want) when going through TSA checkpoints. But most important of all - don't be flashy.  Just blend in as much as possible until this reign of terror is over.

There is too much information on me that is available to the public.  Therefore, I can't go into hiding.  Instead, I can go stealth on my way out of the country.  Others don't have it this lucky, and might as well lead protests as long is prudent.  Remember, our borders will be protected against intrusions, and not against people leaving - for now.   

What happens when you can't leave for whatever reason?  What can you do?  As I see it, one will need to migrate to areas of the country where one can blend in with a crowd.  People in Northeastern and West Coast large cities tend to be more tolerant of people of different styles, as these regions have been hot spots for immigration for generations.  They have attracted the risk takers, people who are willing to live completely different lives than their pasts would ordain for them.  Yet, one will always need to be on the lookout for others who would cause them harm.  

I can't understand the hatred of transgenders anymore, as I have learned to accept people who are very different than I am as long as we both interact with each other respectfully and with compassion.  The other day, I heard Warren Buffett tell a story about people who survived the Holocaust.  He noted that his judgement of people is based on whether they would hide someone from being scooped up in a pogrom and be sent to their deaths.  A truly wealthy person would have many friends who would help him/her hide from danger.  Build up those friendships now, as you may need them in the future.


 



Wednesday, February 26, 2025

Now, we have proof that checks and balances no longer apply

 

This should be a short post.  As I write this, it is 3 weeks into the reign of the Orange Snowflake, and no one is stopping him.  If his party wouldn't do it, one might think that he'd listen to the courts.  But, as John Belushi might say: 

But Noooooooo!

This president is now ignoring the courts.  One can't say that this wasn't expected.  But not so soon.  The guardrails are off, and this country is heading into 4+ years of hell.  I can't say if Americans will rise up in revolt.  But I can say that ALL law abiding Americans should exercise their 2nd Amendment rights and form a "well regulated militia" (as mentioned in our constitution.  One never knows when one might need to use the powers of that right.

- - - - - -

Years ago, there was an uprising in the Warsaw ghetto.  Although it was short lived, and futile in one sense, the ghetto Jews kept the Nazis at bay for a good amount of time.  They practiced guerrilla warfare on their own turf.  This is the reason our founding fathers may have been thinking of when they wrote this amendment to our constitution - they didn't trust the government to act within the law, as they has just overthrown the rule of a malignant British despot.

Am I afraid?  Yes.  I never believed that our country could sit back and let someone like this take over. Sadly, we have history to tell us what could happen.  I hope that the "Pink Pistols" get a lot of new members soon, as I expect the LGB community will be next in the snowflake's crosshairs.



Tuesday, February 25, 2025

A snowy weekend - and I left my car at home.

 


I had planned to be with RQS this weekend, but this put me at risk of getting fined by my co-op.  By the time I would get home, I expected to clear off 7" of snow from my car and possibly get dinged with a fine from my co-op.

- - - - - -

Friday started with laundry - 3 loads of it.  By the time I was packed, out the door, and on my way to RQS's place, it was 2-3 hours later than expected.  I didn't make it to RQS's place until 7:30 pm.  Luckily, she had already started to cook dinner when I left the subway and transferred to the bus to her house. The rest of the evening wasn't that exciting.  We fell into our usual routine and watched a couple of movies before felling asleep.

Saturday came, and with it, the exterminator.  Each month, the exterminator is scheduled to take care of RQS's building, and today was the day.  Once his visit was over, it was off to the library to drop off some books, and then to one of our go-to restaurants for a bite to eat.  They were about to close, so we decided to get this food to-go and eat it at home.

Around 7 pm, the snow started to fall and I knew we were in for the night.  Although we weren't planning on doing anything this evening, it made me feel a little worried - if I didn't get home early enough on Sunday, I could have some problems with my co-op.  As they say, "the die is cast", and I would deal with things after getting home.

Sunday came, and there was less snow on the ground than expected.  Even with this, I figured that I should leave RQS's place a bit early, so that I could shovel out my car in daylight and move it back into my assigned spot.  This way, the co-op has less of an opportunity to ding me for not getting my car into the street so that the driveways could be cleared.  I left RQS around 1 pm, and made it to Grand Central in the nick of time to make the 1:50 train to Croton.  By 3:00 pm, I was home, and had a chance to finish this post before shoveling some snow....

- - - - - -

On other matters....

It looks like the Orange Snowflake is trying to put the LGBTIQ community back in the closet.  (Not that we didn't know this already.)  We've seen him give executive orders to (fr now) make it impossible to get a gender marker changed on federal documents, as well as erasing any statistics that refer to LGBTIQ's from federal websites.  This is the first step among many in which he intends to hurt us.

Why do I mention this?

Stalin made sure that no statistics were kept for his reign of terror.  It is estimated that 28 million people lost their lives in the gulags while he was in power.  We may not be able to stop the Snowflake from deleting our history for now.  But we can throw a wrench into his plans in regard to another at risk group - the illegal immigrants.  How, you may ask?  Get congress to act by requiring that accurate statistics be kept.  The public has a right to know how much the Snowflake's removal efforts are costing, as well as being able to know how many illegals of each category are being removed.  The more data we have, the more tools we can have to force congress to act when the time is right.

Right now, GOP members of the house and senate are afraid of losing power.  What they don't know is by surrendering their chambers' powers to the Snowflake and the SA Nazi (Musk), they are surrendering their own power and won't get it back.  We've seen this happen before.  But now, we can take a different path of activism.  Lawsuits can be filed in friendly federal courts, and slow down the march to tyranny.  I suggest that everyone buy copies of On Tyranny, and How Democracies Die to understand what is going on, and how we can cause the Snowflake some grief.


Monday, February 24, 2025

The apartment is a total mess, and I can't find the energy to do anything.

 

OK, this is only a slight exaggeration - I don't find my energy until the afternoon is half over, and it doesn't make sense to do many things.  Yet, I feel that my lethargy is getting in the way of life as I once knew it.

- - - - - - 

One of the problems I have is a reluctance to deal with people when advocating for myself.  It's my simple reluctance to have potentially stressful interactions with people coming to play.  By nature, I am not a dominant person.  Instead, I am a person who likes to head off in one direction with as little interference as possible.  And I have been lucky enough to have the resources to do just that in my adult life.

My lethargy gets in the way of me doing simple tasks such as doing laundry on a regular basis.  So, it piles up until I have no other alternative but to do several loads at once.  This can be a pain in the ass at times, but I've noticed it getting in the way of being social with others.  Yesterday, I had a meetup that I went to, but could have just as easily bailed out on it - I was tired enough to have stayed in bed a bit longer.

- - - - - -

With all that being said, I still find it energizing to go out in the world as Marian.  Being my true self provides me with the energy I need to go out and live life.  I wonder how many older transgender folks feel the same way as I do?

Sunday, February 23, 2025

Sometimes, the answer is simple.

 


A little over a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned an email I wrote to DCD.  The email was critical of his inability to be honest with people, or to manage the responsibilities which a normal adult would manage. And I think I know why this bothers me so much - I used to be a bit like DCD, and grew out of that stage of life. Sometimes, a person just has to grow up and act like an adult.  It took me much longer than it should have for me to be an adult myself, and I hurt the feelings of a lot of people along my way to adulthood (while legally being an adult.)  

- - - - - -

There is still a part of me where childishness exists, an ability to tap into my inner child and experience the world with a sense of wonder. Yet, the adult part of me is cynical and world-weary.  The other day, I had a conversation with my brother talking about how hard his adult life has been.  (He raised 2 children of his own, as well as dealing with his wife's son from her first marriage.)  Both the wife and stepson developed substance addictions, and my brother has had to deal with her issues for the better part of 3 decades.  Then he mentioned my issues, saying that I didn't have that easy a life.  In short, we both understood that life hasn't been easy for either of us and that we appreciate where we are in life.

When I was last with my brother, he handed me a letter that my dad meant for me to read after he died.  It was a good thing to read, as I felt it said something that my dad couldn't say while he was alive.  The letter read:

Dear Mario

Please don't mourn for me too much.

I know it will be tough for you, my not being there for you..

Always look back at the good times we had during our vacations.

Mom and I both loved you very much; we know this was no picnic for you.  But you were strong enough to manage it.

Always stay in touch with your brother and the family, as they will sustain you when things get rough.

Remember to keep your head about you before you speak and act.

This is not a lecture for you, but advice.

I love you very much, even though I did not tell you often enough.

Working to keep the wolf away from the door took up a lot of both mother's and my time.  We may not have given you the attention you may have wanted or needed.

However, we did care, and loved you more than you will ever know.

Keep fond memories of both mom and I in your heart and don't let things get you down.

Love Dad.

Well, I felt much better after reading this letter. No, it didn't change things.  Yet, it did say the things my dad couldn't say to me while he was alive.  My dad was the type of man who I was glad to have as a father.  He did the best he could, given that he had a limited education and had to always hustle to keep the same roof over our heads until adulthood.  And I think he was proud of the adults my brother and I became towards the end of his life.

- - - - - -

So, back to DCD....

He's turning 60 soon, and he doesn't have a pot to piss in.  He has no wife, no girlfriend, no career, and will eventually be unable to run home to his mom.  (She's nearing 90 years old, and I can't see her outliving DCD.)  He'll have to become an adult, even if that means admitting that he's unable to take care of himself and has to ask for help.

His answer is simple: He has to "Man Up" and be an adult while he can. Otherwise, I see him spiraling towards oblivion, dying alone with no one caring if he lives or dies.  Hopefully, he will make the right choice soon.




Thoughts about a friend and her husband

  I had lunch with a friend the other day, and noticed that she may be a little divorced from an objective reality.  A society needs objecti...