It's not just me. People are truly scared of the Orange Snowflake.

 

Tonight was the last Game Night before I go away on a cruise to Bermuda.  Finally, I had the chance to speak with the hostess about current events (she has a F2M trans child), and she is both scared and angry.

But first....

Today would be my last day out and about as Marian for the better part of a week and a half.  And I spent most of the day inside the apartment taking care of last minute things such as paying bills and throwing out some trash.  Around 5 pm, I started getting ready to go out.  I didn't want to get too fancy, so I took out a simple denim mini dress, as it was 80° outside when I was getting dressed.

As usual, I got to game night around 7:45, and was the only (trans) female at the table. The hostess was with her son at a Chess match, and wouldn't be back until 9:30.  So, it was 5 of us playing games in the kitchen until the hostess came home.  Once she arrived, I made the effort to engage her in conversation, and she noted that in less than 100 days, we have turned into a nation with is a cross between "the Handmaiden's Tale" and "1984".  We have gone from zero to 1935 in 3 months!  She noted that she is taking almost every trace of social media off of her phone, and keeping it bare bones, in case she crosses a border.  I noted that I have a burner phone, and I may bring it on my upcoming cruise.  And then, she noted the lack of privacy in smart watches, as they now can track a woman's ovulation cycles. These are scary times, and she could only talk so much before she got overwhelmed by her feelings and had to change the subject. Meeting her again made me think - as soon as I get back from the cruise, I'd better start back on the paperwork needed for a second citizenship.  I want my letter of transit while planes are still flying to Lisbon. (See "Casablanca" for its MacGuffin, the letters of transit.)  

Right now, we are seeing the early stages of authoritarianism take place in the United States.  The people close to the president were chosen not on their competency for their positions.  Instead, they were chosen ONLY for their loyalty to the president.  They defend the undefendable, only to stay in good stead with their leader.  Political, social and human rights are being destroyed to please their leader.  Legal non-citizen residents are being imprisoned and deported simply because they exercised a 1st amendment right to say things that make the current administration unhappy.  To make things worse, the president has hinted at throwing American citizens into the same gulags now being used to hold non-citizens.  Due process no longer exists, save when the judicial branch of government can get involved.  And even then, many in the system pledge their loyalty to the president and not to the law.

When will this stop?

The other night, I was watching part of a CNN piece on support for the Orange Snowflake in a rural area in the Midwest.  Although many were very unhappy with how his tariffs were affecting their businesses, they were not ready to abandon him.  "Let's give him a chance" one person said, as if his personal sacrifice would be rewarded in the long term.  The problem is that the "little people" are of no worth to the snowflake.  They are only tools to be used when he needs to exercise his power.  This wouldn't be so bad if the snowflake wasn't a malignant, narcissistic grifter.  It's so sad to see people get hoodwinked, then double down on being hoodwinked instead of seeing the snowflake for what he is - one of the greatest grifters of all time.

There is an old joke in the wine industry:

Q: How do you make $10,000,000 making wine?. 
A: Start with investing $50,000,000.

Well, the snowflake has made his millions by telling people to invest their $50,000,000, and leaving them with only $10,000,000 after he has squandered much of their money.  He doesn't want to acknowledge that his casinos in Atlantic City went bankrupt - a business which is usually a "license to print money".  Most of his other businesses have been scams that provide little (or no) value for money spent, such as Trump Water, Trump Steaks, and Trump University.  (The latter a known fraud which resulted in a $25,000,000 settlement to his victims.)  Both big and small investors have been scammed by this person, and now he's made the United States his final target.

What does the snowflake want?  First, I think he's motivated by extracting as much money as he can out of America, whether it is a series of sweetheart deals that have foreign governments pay him bribes in all but name (does anyone remember the Trump hotel in Washington, DC?), or whether it is by insider trading of anything valuable in the American economy.  Second, I think that he's looking to become an all-powerful dictator who can accept no challenge to his idea of current reality.  He's a man without principle, and will sell anyone and everyone out for short term gain.  He craves public recognition, something which was denied him in the hometown that despises him - New York.

How much am I concerned? 

Well, I will send in paperwork for my second citizenship and passport when I return from the cruise I am taking next week.  More importantly, I am worried about what border control will look for on my phone when I return from my short cruise, assuming I am targeted for things I have posted online.  Right now, I still have a presumption of "Due Process" as an American citizen.  But how long will that last?  More importantly, can it last with all of the people who have sold their souls to support him?

Even in retirement, I am still busy.

 

I originally had a very busy day scheduled for today.  First, I had to pick up a suit from the cleaners.  Then, I had to drive to Long Island to let the contractors in to replace a chimney liner, After that, I was supposed to drive to RQS's place to drop off the suit I'd be wearing on our upcoming cruise.  And, finally, I'd be driving hope to participate in a co-op board meeting.  If it weren't for the folk dealing with the chimney liner, I'd have spent the day in Marian mode.  Instead, it felt strange to be wearing trousers and not carrying a handbag.

But first....

After getting dressed, my plans had me picking up my suit at the dry cleaners.  I was there by 9 am, but no one showed up before I had to leave at 9:20.  Leaving around 9:20 would leave me enough slack time to compensate for the expected traffic jams I'd encounter on the way to Long Island.  And I needed every minute, so that I could get to the family homestead by 11 am.

Normally, after 9 am, southbound route 9a moves smoothly through Ossining.  Recently, NYS DOT crimped a 2 lane road to 1 lane just after the top of a long hill, causing traffic to back up for a mile.  There was no way I was going to get stuck in this jam, so I took back roads to bypass 95% of the snarl, and saved 15 minutes in the process.  Next, I encountered another traffic jam in another area which never backs up.  So, again, I took another highway south, avoiding the worst of this jam.  Finally, I made it to an East River bridge with 40 minutes to complete a 25 minute drive.  With a stop to pick up the day's lunch, I made it to the homestead by 11, where I waited for the chimney people to come.

At 11:30, the chimney people arrived, and they were gone by 12:30.  Not having a suit to bring to RQS's place, I decided to drive home for my next appointment - the co-op board meeting.  But first, I had to pick up my suit.  When I got to the cleaners, the lady behind the counter gave a lame excuse - she had to pick up (or deliver) something.  I wasn't going to get into an argument with this irresponsible lady.  Instead, I picked up my suit and vowed never to do business with this place again.  Instead, I'll go to one of the two other established places in town and be sure that I can pick up my clothes when I want/need to do so.

With a couple hours rest, I initiated the co-op board's zoom meeting.  We had some problems at first, and the applicant we expected had a hard time connecting with Zoom.  But eventually, we accomplished what we needed to do, and discussed board business that I can't report here.  Finally, at 8:30 pm, my day ended, and I could finally rest.

It's been quite a few years since I've been to this mall.

 

It's been quite a few years since I've been to this mall, and it will be even more until I go there again.  Most of the stores a subset of the high end outlets that cater to people with too much money to burn, and I have little interest in burning my money there.  Luckily, I tend to buy most of my clothing online, and can avoid the experience of this mall.

- - - - - -

When I moved to Northern Westchester county, there was a small local mall called "The Westchester Mall".  Although some stores were in an outdoor section of the mall, most people considered the indoor section to be "the" mall.. Alexanders (remember them?) was the lone anchor store, with several small stores in this section of the mall. When Alexanders shut down, so did the rest of the stores in the indoor section. About the only trace of the old mall that still exist is the unused indoor entrance to Alexanders, which now is unused by Mattress Firm. Walmart replaced Alexanders long ago, and another section of the property was developed for a bookstore, a supermarket, and a couple more big box stores.  As a result, the current complex no longer goes by the old name, leaving the mall in White Plains with the name on the sign in the above photo - they were very careful NOT to use someone else's mall name when developing the White Plains site.

Why is this so important?  To me, the lower and middle economic classes have much less money in real terms to live on than they did 40+ years ago.  The high upper middle class and the rich still have excess money to spend.  This may mean that malls that once catered to the lower and middle classes are dying out while malls that serve the upper classes will still survive. But what is the defining characteristic of stores in the upper class malls?  Service.  People with money need to feel pampered.  Money buys them comfort.  Once one reaches a certain level of wealth, one often wants to be attended to.  One doesn't want to manage the little things that take up a large part of other's lives/

Luxury is essential to the wealthy.  They can buy anything they want.  And that includes being pampered, having every desire met - even before it is desired.  Exclusivity is associated with luxury.  We see that in modern cruise ships, where people with money to burn are able to buy the "Ship within a ship" experience.  Although I have had small tastes of this kind of luxury, I am solidly in the middle class.  Yet, I wouldn't mind burning some money for this kind of experience - as long as it is a one time experience.  It would be nice to be able to get another taste of true luxury while I'm able to enjoy it. 

PS: One thing I noticed while in the mall was a sign at the Eileen Fisher store that noted that they support all people who want to wear their clothes.  Even though most of their clothing is way out of reach for me, I plan to buy things from their "Renew" store once I am in a size where their clothing fits me.

 

Lunch with a friend, then more cruise packing. (a short post)

 

I've always been a fan of Bugs Bunny cartoons.  The "Waskelly Wabbit" (as Elmer Fudd would call him) was one of the few well developed characters from the age of animated shorts, a character who would almost always triumph over adversity.  Today, I had lunch with a friend who is overcoming adversity in her life, and whom I feel certain with most challenges she may encounter.

Unlike past lunches, we picked up sandwiches at the local deli and went to a local park to eat them.  And there we caught up on what was going on in each other's lives, including all of the stresses we had to deal with.  She mentioned family issues, some of which involve her son being away at school, her husband's health, and an in-law family who doesn't want to understand what she has to deal with.  And later, we got to talking about my transgender nature in passing.  I noted that I always preferred the female role in life, the nature of women's social connections, and that my genitals weren't as important to me as much as the role I would play in life.  What I didn't say is that I would likely not have been married had I been a cisgender female, as I am too independent to be in a relationship only for sex (no matter what my orientation would have been.)

All too soon, lunch had to end, and I had to return home to pack.  Cinderella's slipper had fallen off, and it likely won't be found until Thursday.

 

 

Retirement can be the life of some people and the death of others

 

A little under 11 years ago, I was laid off by the bank I worked at for 30 years.  Before this happened, I was in total fear of what would happen next.  Today, I think of this as a great blessing.  Before being laid off, I was worried about what would happen if word of Marian got back to the bank.  Afterwards, I felt free to explore this part of myself and grow as a person.

Being retired has given me the freedom to be my authentic self.  I have traveled as Marian, and I have grown because I've done so.  When my legal identity is not revealed, I am able to call myself Marian, and people accept me as such.  I've found that people accept me more as Marian, in part, because I am more open as my authentic self.  Yes, some people clock me as transgender.  But I am usually treated with respect, as I live in a state which expects that people like me will be treated with respect.

At first, being retired meant that I had an excess of free time.  But this only meant that the ways I use my time and energy would change.  Now, I find that it takes me longer to get many things done, but I am much more relaxed in doing so. My time is no longer ruled by the clock and calendar, instead, it is managed by them.  There will always be events that take place on fixed times and days (such as going to church services), but most tasks can be done at my convenience.  If being employed is like classical music with fixed structures and tempos, then retirement is like jazz, where one has freedom to improvise around a known theme.

But this freedom isn't good for all people.  My former therapist was an alcoholic in recovery who always seemed in control of his life.  The structures he built in sobriety (exercise routines, AA meetings, and client appointments) weren't there in retirement.  As soon as he left his practice in White Plains for retirement in Honolulu, his life fell apart.  Within 5 years, his son was in danger of repeating his father's life, he had divorced his wife, and he finally passed away.  It is no secret that a large number of men tend to die within 3 years of retirement - employment gave these men a structure needed to live as long as they did.

So what do I recommend for people, especially men, for whom retirement is in the near future?  To be direct - social engagement in late middle age is hard for most men, and it is much harder for them to connect with others and befriend them.  This is where women tend to have it much easier - their lives are built around the social glue that keeps society together.  Who tends to take care of babies?  Women.  Who tends to take care of household responsibilities other than physical upkeep of property - Women.  Who tends to dominate the nurturing jobs in society, such as Nurses and Teachers?  Women.  And to do this, they tend to build up networks that most men wish they could do.  When a woman approaches another person (especially other women), sexuality is not part of the equation.  Only when she deliberately sends out signals of interest does sex come in to play.  Men tend to be much more isolated, as their connections are usually built around their careers and not about their families' connections with other families.

For us transgenders, we send out more awkward messages - especially when we first come out.  What women learn over a lifetime of being female, we have to learn in  a crash course in femininity.  So, finding new friends is much harder for us than for cisgender people.  I am lucky that I was laid off from the bank when I was 57, and had time to develop myself into a person ready for full retirement.  Yes, making new friends is still awkward for me.  Yet, at least, I have done so.....  

 

What does anger and hatred get us?

I read the following in a Facebook post the other day, and it is just as valid now as when it was originally posted:

Feminist News

The question was posed, "Why do people continue supporting Trump no matter what he does?" A lady named Bev answered it this way:

“You all don't get it. I live in Trump country, in the Ozarks in southern Missouri, one of the last places where the KKK still has a relatively strong established presence. They don't give a shit what he does. He's just something to rally around and hate liberals, that's it, period. He absolutely realizes that and plays it up. They love it. He knows they love it. The fact that people act like it's anything other than that proves to them that liberals are idiots, all the more reason for high fives all around.

If you keep getting caught up in "why do they not realize this problem" and "how can they still back Trump after this scandal," then you do not understand what the underlying motivating factor of his support is. It's fuck liberals, that's pretty much it.

Have you noticed he can do pretty much anything imaginable, and they'll explain some way that rationalizes it that makes zero logical sense? Because they're not even keeping track of any coherent narrative, it's irrelevant. Fuck liberals is the only relevant thing.

Trust me; I know firsthand what I'm talking about.

That's why they just laugh at it all because you all don't even realize they truly don't give a fuck about whatever the conversation is about. It's just a side mission story that doesn't matter anyway. That's all just trivial details - the economy, health care, whatever.

Fuck liberals.

Look at the issue with not wearing the masks. I can tell you what that's about. It's about exposing fear. They're playing chicken with nature, and whoever flinches just moved down their internal pecking order, one step closer to being a liberal.
You've got to understand the one core value that they hold above all others is hatred for what they consider weakness because that's what they believe strength is, hatred of weakness. And I mean passionate, sadistic hatred. And I'm not exaggerating. Believe me. Sadistic, passionate hatred, and that's what proves they're strong, their passionate hatred for weakness. Sometimes they will lump vulnerability in with weakness. They do that because people tend to start humbling themselves when they're in some compromising or overwhelming circumstance, and to them, that's an obvious sign of weakness.

Kindness = weakness. Honesty = weakness. Compromise = weakness.

They consider their very existence to be superior in every way to anyone who doesn't hate weakness as much as they do. They consider liberals to be weak people that are inferior, almost a different species, and the fact that liberals are so weak is why they have to unite in large numbers, which they find disgusting, but it's that disgust that is a true expression of their natural superiority.

Go ahead and try to have a logical, rational conversation with them. Just keep in mind what I said here and be forewarned.”

So, what does this mean for the rest of us?  Do we give in to our hatred and anger and become just like these losers?  Or, do we find ways of disconnecting ourselves from them in all ways and let them stew by themselves in their own anger?  I feel sorry for these cult members, but I won't forgive them.  They have choices they can make, and they keep making bad ones.  The best I can do is to put myself in positions where they can do as little harm to me as possible, for as long as possible.  But what do I suggest for civilized people as a whole?

I suggest total disengagement.  Advocate policies that protect our communities from their hatred, even if it hurts them in the long run.  Let them destroy their states as long as we can protect ourselves from them and their politicians.  Boycott their states, as the Canadians are boycotting America.  If it's easy to avoid doing business with firms such as Hobby Lobby and Chick Fil A, do so.  But this will not always be possible.  Many of the biggest firms are managed by people who benefit from targeting the weakest in our society.  So do business with them as little as possible.  

Right now, I have friends in Texas who I will not visit until their state recovers its sanity.  Since that isn't happening soon, all I can do is meet with them over a Zoom link.  It's not good, but it's better than visiting them as an unauthentic self to avoid persecution in that state.

 

 

Easter Sunday - A look backwards. (A short post)

 

By the time you read this, Easter should be a memory.  Yet, I find important to note that RQS and I both got dressed in our nice dresses and attended church for a change.  What I found interesting is how things have changed since we were children decades ago.  Men and women would put on their Sunday finest, and wear many of the same clothes that they could be decked out in before they were buried.  Today, people are much more informal, and we saw quite a few people wearing jeans in the church.

Is this bad?

Not really.  As much as I like getting dressed up for social functions, I appreciate the informality of the current age. We are much more socially relaxed now than in the 1950's when we were born.  (Politics is just as divisive, save that society is much more polarized today.  Who'd have dreamed that the Orange Snowflake would normalize hatred, anger, and nihilism among members of his cult and hijack one of the two political parties in the USA?  But I digress.)  When I watch videos of old game shows, I often see women in evening gowns and men in "dinner suits" (Tuxedos) as panelists for shows such as "I've got a secret" and What's my line?"  Today, with the exception of summer casual wear, it's uncommon to find women wearing dresses or skirts.  We have become a much more equal society than the one we were born into.

There are many among us who'd return us to the 1950's and the "Red Scare" era.  People would blacklist others, keeping them from gainful employment if they didn't toe the party line and hate communism with a passion.  Any defense of people holding contrary views were to be shunned.  Over time, we saw that the Red Scare was way overblown. Many lives were ruined because of our national fear.  Yet, we overcame that fear and moved forward to our current era where people again have lost faith in our institutions and civil norms.  We have overcome our fears before as a society and will do so again.

The message of Easter is a message of redemption and of life.  Let's hope we can remember it while we struggle to go about our daily lives.