An interesting weekend - Two people for the price of one

 

This weekend was very interesting for me.  I had RQS up to my place for the first time, and next day, had the opportunity to visit my brother for the first time in months.  It was a high mileage weekend, and worth it for every mile I had to drive....

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I've been stalling RQS in having her come up for a while.  Although she was in no rush to visit, she understood how my depression of 2020-2021 would affect how I took care of the apartment, and my need to make it "presentable" before asking her to visit.  She finally made it here, and didn't not get repulsed by the state of the apartment.  Instead, she understood what I want through for the past two years, and saw the positive side in me getting things back in order.

RQS arrived in Croton at 12:30 pm, and then we went to my apartment for a bio break.  Once that pressing need was taken care of, it was off to do a Mid-Hudson valley loop.  Although it was a little dreary outside, we enjoyed a country ride with several stops along the way to New Paltz, and then back home via Poughkeepsie.  

Although Vicki wanted to meet RQS, her Mother's Day planning got in the way.  So we ended up having dinner at a local joint before going home for the evening.  Once home, I showed her some more of my wardrobe, as well as a sew swimsuit pictures like the one above.  RQS said that she wouldn't have recognized me in this photo if she didn't know me as well as she does now.

The next day, I dropped RQS off at the gym, and then went to see my brother.  We haven't seen each other in months, and this was the first time we've gotten together since last year.  (Without checking this blog, I wouldn't even remember when I last saw him.)  Things in his personal life aren't going that well, and he had the chance to share things with me that he hadn't had the chance to talk about in a while.

When I picked my brother up, I had no idea that we'd be driving out past Smithtown for a late lunch. Normally, when I lived on Long Island, I never went that far out except for a couple of drives to Orient Point.  Now, in the past 2 years, I've been out in the Riverhead area (and beyond) several times.  And I'm glad that I still remember my way around the island after living elsewhere for almost 40 years.

All too early, it was time to drop my brother off at home, and then go home myself.  I'm not looking forward to go to work in the morning, but I'll be glad I'm able to do so these days....

It's a fine day to do some house cleaning!

 

You should have seen this corner of the room before I started work on it!  There was a pile of assorted stuff where the fan is that had to be sorted through and dealt with - Keep, Donate, or Trash.  To do so, I had to make space in a second closet for the stuff I needed to keep.  So far, I'm at least $40 richer, as I found a cell phone holder that contained: (1) a $20 bill, (2) an MTA Metrocard for use on the subways, and (3) a blank check to be used for my co-pay when I visit my doctor.

At the time I wrote this, I still had the time to either go into NYC to catch a Broadway play at half price, or to visit my brother on Long Island.  So I'll talk about this (if warranted) some other day.  For now, I plan to keep up with my cleaning, then call CWS about getting together tomorrow.  At least, she understands the headaches of deferred house cleaning.

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A while back, I noted that I let things go to hell in my place shortly after the pandemic struck.  With the loss of two of the people I used to lean on for support, I had to build a new network from scratch - something very hard to do during the pandemic.  The mess that built up in this place was a direct result of the depression I was going through at the time.  Little did I know how bad this mess would grow.

Right now, my living room/dining area is a mess, and is filled with 5 large bags used for items I mean to donate to charity.  There will be more bags to go to charity in the near future, as I don't want to have storage containers (or shoes) in the other 3 corners of the bedroom.  Assuming that I were to get a new job (I'm waiting for the results of the interview.  I'm not counting on an offer, as I expect that age discrimination has already taken me out of the running), I will spend a couple of free days in a row to clean up this place.

Once I have this place tolerably clean, and have a place inside my closets for all of my feminine stuff, I will again have my cleaning lady come.  I'll bet that she will need an extra couple of hours (or more) to get rid of the dust, etc. that has accumulated over the two years since her last visit.

I decided to go to Long Island today.

 

As I've mentioned before, I grew up on long island.  If one were to find the Easternmost point in Queens County and walk South about 1/4 mile, you'd be in front of the house in which I grew up.   While in the neighborhood, I decided to see what it was like at the local shopping mall, Roosevelt Field.

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It's hard to believe that this mall is the 9th largest shopping mall in the country.  Yet, I think the mall could be in trouble due to the amount of vacant stores.  The pandemic and Amazon have taken their toll, yet the mall still survives.  It's not just a place to go shopping as much as it's a place to spend time participating in American consumer culture.  If we're not spending money in stores, we're visiting them to see what we can buy.

I found it hard to believe how many people were at the mall today.  If I didn't go near the food court, I wouldn't have noticed any evidence that there is a pandemic going on save for the lines to get in a couple of stores. Since this visit was in male mode, I was not going to explore the women's departments looking for bargains.  Instead, I explored some of the clearance merchandise, and avoided spending money at the mall.  

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Years ago, my late wife and I used to visit malls to kill time.  Now that I've gotten older, I find the lure of new things less compelling.  If I buy things now, they are either consumables, things replacing those that no longer fit, or are things replacing those that have worn out. Internet shopping is the future for me, as much as I'd rather shop in person.  Product displays no longer tempt me.  I know what I want, can find it with little help, and do not need the headaches of driving to malls to shop well.  Change has benefited me in more ways than I'd have expected....

And soon, I must make a hard decision....

My current dating situation reminds me of some advice given by Julius Henry (Groucho) Marx. He advised a young man that: (1) He should find a woman who knows how to cook, (2) He should find a woman who will care for you when you are sick, (3) He should find a woman who will laugh at his jokes, and (4) He should find a woman who is good in bed.  But lastly, Groucho advised: He should never let these women meet.  Given the juggling I've been doing over the last few weeks, I feel like the man to whom Groucho gave his sage advice.

Let's call the 3 ladies I've been dating, FH, MB, and FL.  If one of these ladies ends up being a long term "girlfriend", I'll assign a new name for ease of reference.  FH lives on Long Island, and doesn't drive.  MB lives in the Hudson Valley, has seen me as Marian, but I've only met her twice.  FL lives in New Jersey, knows about my feminine side, has seen me twice, and is already interested in spending a weekend together.  All 3 of these ladies might be good choices for me, but each one has some unknowns that could derail a relationship. Things have come to a decision point with one of them, and I have to figure out whether I want to move forward with this relationship, or take a pass and bet on one of the other 2 working out.

One advantage that my most recent round of dating has had for me, is that it has helped me finally heal from the wreckage of my last relationship.  During the worst of the pandemic, my ex blocked me from accessing one of the few groups meeting virtually that would transition to in person meetups later in the year.  Of course, she couldn't deal with my existence as Marian, and grew to hate this side of me over the last year we were together.  So she did her damnedest to blackball me from one group, but she wasn't able to blackball me from the other.  In the end, we wound up in the same place had we negotiated a settlement between us, but with much more anger along the way.  

Of the women I've dated recently, FH is someone I like.  But I'm not sure if we share enough chemistry to move forward. We like each other, but I think the habits formed during the first days of "pandemic dating" may yet get the better of us.  MB already accepts me as Marian, and has yet to see me as Mario.  What will she think?  What would it be like if we were to get intimate?  Would she mind if I were the one to wear the silky nightgowns?  And then, that leaves us with FL.  She likes this area where I live.  Yet, I think she might want to live closer to her family in New Jersey.  Could we find a happy middle ground?

So many questions.....

Chatting with my family.

I wish my real life family could have been like the Addams' Family.  They all were able to show love, manage their own lives, deal with adversity, and be their authentic selves.  Instead, we did not demonstrate love, were poor at managing our own lives, had a hard time dealing with adversity, and could not be our authentic selves.

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Today, I  spent the first half of the day doing nothing, then drove to Long Island to see my father.  This visit was much more rewarding than usual, as some family "secrets" were revealed that needed to be revealed.

I didn't get moving towards Long Island until 2:00 or so.  And my first stop was at Stew Leonard's to get lunch.  Normally, I'd pick up a fresh Lobster Roll and something to drink. But I thought the $3.99 Shrimp Roll special was good from Sunday through Wednesday, when it was only good on Tuesday this week. So I picked up a Pastrami wedge and finished it before continuing on my way. 

Normally, I'd have continued along Route 87 until I reached the Cross County Parkway, then headed South to either the Throggs Neck or Whitestone Bridge.  Instead, I made a major time-wasting decision - I decided to take the Triboro Bridge to Long Island, then the Grand Centrap Parkway to the Long Island Expressway to reach my dad's nursing home.  This more than doubled my time on the road, as I was stuck in traffic almost all the way to Roslyn.

When I got to my dad, we went downstairs to the lobby to chat for an hour. My dad gave me the heads up on what was happening in my brother's life.  Of course, I told him what was happening with me and GFJ.  Although there is no way that I'll tell my dad that I'm TG, I did say that some of the issues we're having have been there since the beginning of the relationship, and that others are communication related.  That was both true and protective of GFJ's privacy. Since my brother told me to call him when I was leaving my dad, I did so, and we agreed to meet at his office.  Originally, he thought we had enough time to get to Flushing for an Oriental dinner, but he had a 7:30 appointment he had to make.  So it was a quick dinner down the block from his office.

The first thing my brother did when we sat down to eat was to show me a video of a burning house.  Last night, around 1 am, his fire company rushed to a nearby house on fire and extinguished the fire before it burnt down the house.  He explained that the fire was in the basement, and if it was able to find a form of "chimney" for its burning gases to escape, the house would have had no chance of surviving.  Luckily, the firefighters were able to get in the house and drown the fire with (as he put it) less than a minute of margin.  Any later, and the fire would have escaped the basement and totalled the house.  Next, the two of us started talking about events in our lives.  My brother has family problems related to issues from two codependent addicts.  It is not pretty.  But it has allowed him to get to know his only daughter even better AND to enjoy the time he has left with her before she gets married and starts living in Europe.  All too early, dinner had to end, and I was back home in roughly 60 minutes.

Ending the week on an off note

I only had a visit to Arts Westchester on the docket for today,  Last week, I said that I'd be making a return visit - and my contact at AW forgot that I was coming.  So she wasn't prepared for me when I arrived.  Yet, there was work that I could do that involved miscellaneous office chores . And I did that work for a couple of hours, until there was no more work to do. On the way home, I got a call from WDJ telling me about the first meeting of her new meetup group.  It didn't go as expected, but what first gatherings go as planned?  I wish her a lot of success with the group, and then remembered to sign up for it when I got home.

As you can guess, there wasn't much to occupy my day.  Since I was very tired when I got home, I stripped off my clothes and took a nap.  GFJ would likely not be coming down tonight, as she wasn't feeling that good.  Hopefully, she'll feel good enough to go for her hike tomorrow (with dinner afterwards).  If not, I'd better start looking for a meetup to go to on Sunday.  Or, I should prepare to drive to Long Island (in male presentation) to see my family. No matter what happens tonight, I still have no idea about what I'll be doing come Sunday....

A weekend with GFJ away for a wedding

Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Normally, I'd be figuring out what to do when GFJ arrives.  But she's away in North Carolina for a wedding, and I have the weekend free to be in Marian Mode.  YAY!  Now to figure out what to do.

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Looking at the picture above, I don't like what I see.  There is way too much meat on the bones, and I stand out by being a large person.  To be honest, I need to watch my weight, and that's going to become a priority for me.

Even though I was awakened around 9 am today, I didn't even bother getting out of the bed until the afternoon.  I was finally able to confirm that my weekend plans with LK and the former clinical supervisor were off - LK had to work the night before, and would be too exhausted to meet for brunch on Sunday.  This made me glad that I booked a meetup for Sunday.

Late in the evening, I got a call from GFJ.  Seems like she received an email from an ex-friend that should have been sent directly to me.  (I won't go into details here.)  I'll have to respond to it shortly, as it deals with a friendship that is over.  But it also means that I'll be switching over to a new blog with a new name.  (I will supply that name soon, when I make my last post here.)

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Saturday came and I had two things on my docket - Visiting my dad on Long Island, then going to my High School's 45th reunion.  Given the mood I was in from last night, I wasn't certain that I wanted to go anywhere.

The first thing I did was to start cleaning up the mess in my room from before I went on my ill fated cruise..  Clutter was to be found all over the bedroom, and it must be organized before the cleaning lady comes next week. One of the byproducts of this cleanup is that I was able to find some dress shoes I haven't worn in a few years - perfect for use in presenting as Mario tonight.

Around 3:30, I started getting ready to drive to Long Island for my high school's 45th anniversary reunion.  And I left the house at 4:30, hoping I'd be able to make it to Roslyn by 5:40, so I could see my dad in the nursing home.  This was not meant to be.  Instead, I hit big time bridge traffic, and ended up killing an hour on Long Island before going to the reunion.

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I arrived at the reunion at 7:00, and accompanied several women on the way into the place. When we were young, the place was known as "Henry's" - a step up from being a dive bar, where the beer was cheap, the pool table  $0.25/game, and the grill sometimes open for a burger.  Now that it's known as the "Old Trading Post", it has gone upscale, and the food is of a much better quality.  We were one of two groups being hosted, and the only one under a tent to the side of the restaurant.  Even outdoors, it was hard to have a conversation, and that was just as well.  It was better to be forced to have lighthearted conversations than anything serious. 

Like my 40th HS reunion, I didn't remember anyone, save the class advisor.  But others remembered me for my intelligence.  At least two or three people commented on how they remembered me in class, and it made me feel good that others saw that quality in me.  Along with my voice, that was the quality that the class advisor remembered most about me.  But I got a kick out of meeting my "Name Doppelganger" (both of us share the same name, both of us use the same "familiar" form of our first names in addition to sharing the same last name) - she surprised me by sneaking up behind me to say hello.  While there, I got into several good conversations, including one with a former classmate who may try to connect me with one of his friends who might be able to connect me to a job.

All too soon, the night had to end before the place became quiet.  When I got in my car, I messaged GFJ, and she was bushed from her party.  So we agreed to chat sometime on Sunday.

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My alarms were set to wake me up around 8:00 on Sunday, so that I had the option of going to church before going to the Chuang Yen Monastery.  However, the night before, I didn't go to sleep early enough, so I decided to rest as long as possible before getting ready to go to the monastery - and I rested a little too long.  Once I got moving, I was rushing at a breakneck speed to get ready, and almost abandoned my plans to drive North so I could go back to sleep.

As you might guess, I went to the monastery, and arrived about 500 feet behind the meetup group.  So I was running a little to catch up - and did so, as they reached the lunch hall.  Once caught up, I paid for my lunch (a purely vegan meal), and sat down with our crew.

After 45 minutes, it was time to go on our tour.  Some of us (including myself) made the mistake of first going to the meditation room instead of the main temple.  But a few minutes later, we realized our mistake and joined the rest of the group at the temple.  And the tour guide (the same lady who guided us last time) gave a different presentation on how Buddhism "works".  She was very interesting, and I wish I had been in a better position to see her when speaking due to the sun being behind her.

When the tour ended, I decided to drive to Carmel and see what was playing at the local theater.  Luckily, "Joker" was starting just as I arrived in town, so I didn't have to wait for the movie to start when I arrived.  However, I did have to wait on line, as the ticket counter was also the concession stand, and the folk at the registers were doing double duty - selling both tickets and popcorn at the same time.  (This slowed down things for people like me who just wanted to see the movie.)  But I was able to get into the movie just before the film started.

For those who haven't read any reviews about the movie, "Joker" is a retelling of the origin of the Joker character in Batman films.  It isn't a pure retelling, as they change the origin story to reflect a mentally deranged person going off the deep end and turning into Batman's worst enemy. This is a better origin story than the original one, and I hope they reboot the Batman series with the look and feel of this movie.

Eventually, I had to return home.  Once back at my desk, I did a minor edit to a last email being sent to FCP, then sent it out.  I don't think there is any hope for a rapprochement between the two of us.  But if there is, she'll have to make the next move.