I really didn't need to do a "half and half day" today

Today's entry will be a short one.  There were only two things on my docket and I don't have too much to say about either one of them.

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The first thing I had to take care of today was to get my fingerprints taken for Census Bureau employment.  Since the paperwork said that my photo might be taken, I decided to go to New Rochelle in my female presentation.  It took me a while to find the room where fingerprinting was being done and found out that the photo wasn't being taken at the moment.  So I chatted with the fellow for a few minutes, and then drove home in the rain.

When I got home, I relaxed for a little while, then changed into a masculine presentation. Around 3 pm, I walked to our co-op's "board room" and attended the business half of the meeting.  When we were done there, we adjourned to a nearby restaurant for our end-of-year dinner meeting.  This was a very pleasant gathering, and likely the last board meeting I can guarantee that I'll be there for.

Around 9 pm, I returned home to find an email from the Census Bureau in my mail box.  They forwarded me the forms I'd need to fill out before I can be onboarded.  It looks more and more likely that I'll be employed soon, working as Marian.  I can't wait!  (I only wonder what GFJ will say when I tell her the news.)

A quick stop at Arts Westchester, then off to a meetup in the rain

I feel that I photograph terribly.  No wonder why one of my ex girlfriends never wanted pictures taken of her.  Luckily, I have a couple of photos of her to remember the time we spent together.  However, I doubt that we'll ever bump into each other again.

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Just as I was about to leave for Arts Westchester, I heard two men working in the apartment downstairs from me.  From appearances, the two young people and child that occupied the apartment for 6 months did some damage to the place as they left, also leaving unwanted furniture behind.  Already in female presentation, I walked into the place and started to take pictures until I was asked to leave.  But there are some issues that will need to be taken care of before anyone moves into the apartment.

You'll note that the deck has rotted away.  We have a program to replace all failing wooden decks with more durable material.  However, with no one living in the apartment, there is no one who would complain about this safety hazard.  Therefore, I intend to report this to the co-op board for further action.

Here, you'll note that the glass has a crack, and the window will need to be replaced.  If we get extreme weather, it is possible that the window will fail, allowing outside elements to get into the apartment, causing damage to the building.

And finally, you'll note that the wires to the thermostat have been disconnected.  The light switch below it looks like an amateur installation, not being done by a licensed electrician.  Unfortunately, I did not get the chance to examine things further, as I was asked to leave after taking these pictures.

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I got to Arts Westchester just as the monthly meeting was ending.  Since my only reason to go there today was to drop off a review of the performance of the Westchester Collaborative Theater, I accomplished what I needed to take care of.  After a quick stop at Barnes and Noble for a cup of coffee, I decided to drive to Catherine's to see if I could pick up a second sweater. 

Driving along Route 95 wasn't too bad until I got to Stamford. And from there, it was one long traffic jam to the suburbs of New Haven.  I entered Catherine's while the two employees were taking their dinner break, telling them that they didn't have to stop their meal while I was in the store.  Looking around, I didn't find much that I was really interested in without discounts (I forgot my discount coupon at home - aargh!) other than the sweater I was looking for.  So I put the sweater on the counter and continued my browsing.  When I meandered over to the bras (there were two there that I should have bought while they were half off) the saleslady asked me if I wanted a bra fitting.  (I guess I passed well enough today to be taken as a cis female.)  I declined, but made sure to chat with her for a while before buying the sweater.

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Once done there, it was back to Norwalk for dinner.  While in transit, I stopped by a Mobil station for gas.  I mention the brand and the pit stop because I had problems paying for gas on the way to Catherine's.  When I selected "Pump 3", the phone app mistakenly opened up the pump on the other side of the highway and not my pump. (The location said Route 95 Southbound, where I was at a Northbound pump.) So I cancelled the transaction, and proceeded to drive to the store.  On the way back, I decided to buy gas at the Southbound pump - and everything worked correctly. 

Although I expected to be late for dinner, I was only a few minutes late.  Luckily, I saw the organizer of the meetup at the bar, and she told me where the group was sitting.  It was a smaller group today, but we were able to have better conversations.  All too soon, dinner had to end and I had to make the drive home. 

At least, I made it home safe, after driving on roads which I don't like driving on following heavy rains.

Weekends aren't what they used to be.

No picture can do this artwork justice - it is too large to be captured in a single picture.  To appreciate it, one has to get close to these giant pieces of rolled steel, walk around them and inside them to appreciate them for what they are.  As much as I think the artist (Richard Serra) is an asshole for his reaction to people who rejected his work (Tilted Arc) because it interfered with with their movement in a congested area of Manhattan, I will give him credit for having made interesting, engaging art with large pieces of steel.

You might be asking: why am I starting off with this picture?  It's because my weekend started off with a museum visit with GFJ.  And it's something we used to do more of in the early days of our relationship.

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GFJ and I planned to take the same train into NYC.  That meant that she had to make it to Beacon by 11:00 for an 11:10 train, and I would have to make it to Cortlandt 30 minutes later.  GFJ was expecting that I would meet her in Croton, and was very surprised that I got on the train 1 stop earlier.  We had a pleasant conversation on our way into NYC, with me making commentary on the little things I've noticed in my countless number of commutes into the city.

You'll note in the above picture, that the sign for the Museum of the American Gangster is almost an afterthought in the picture.  This is by design.  The museum is in a small part of the building which houses a Theater, a Bar, and a group of residences.  Who'd suspect the history that this building has unless s/he has taken the museum tour.

The museum of the American Gangster is a small museum with few artifacts.  If you were to go there and look at the main exhibit floor, you'd think you were being ripped off for the $20 admission fee.  And I wouldn't blame you for feeling this way.  I've been to museums which have had many more and better artifacts related to the American Mobs and Prohibition. (For example, one museum I visited has the car that Bonnie and Clyde were in when they were gunned down.  Another had bricks of grape juice, which when "improperly" stored and handled according to cautionary warnings on the box, would "accidentally" turn from grape juice into wine. And the Museum of the American Constitution in Philadelphia had a "Whiskey 8" motorcar on display.)

There are two redeeming things about this museum.  The first is that the is housed in a former brothel, and the tour walks you from the brothel area, through the speakeasy (now a legal bar), and ends in the ballroom of the speakeasy where the "Swells" danced the night away.  The other thing about the museum was the tour guide.  She gave a reasonably comprehensive history of the American Mob up to the 1970's in a 60 minute tour, and provided tidbits that my readings on the subject did not cover. (I love reading about vice in America, and enjoy visiting places such as "Miss Dolly's" (in Ketchikan, AK) for their immoral history.  (BTW - I missed "Miss Dolly's" on my trip to Alaska because of my then ignorance, and will go to that museum if I get there again.)

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Once we were done with the museum, we went to Chinatown, ending up at the Nom Wah Tea Parlor.  And that's where we gorged on Dim Sum.  YUM!   By the time we finished our meal, we had a single "meal sized" egg roll left, and I asked for it to be put into a doggie bag to go.  However, I wasn't really into bringing this treat home with me, nor was GFJ into doing it due to the length of our trips home.  If I had seen a trash receptacle, I'd have deposited the egg roll there.  But I ended up doing something that someone was grateful for.  There was a homeless person on the street begging for money - and he was very glad that I gave him that egg roll.  I guess providence was guiding me today without me knowing it.

Next, GFJ was interested in seeing Rockefeller Center's Christmas Tree.  So we took the train to Times Square, and walked to 50th street and over to 5th avenue.  The area was jam packed with people, and it was almost impossible to get a view of the tree.  But we were able to get a couple of pictures before moving on.  When we reached 5th avenue, we couldn't move any further.  Saks 5th Avenue's store Christmas Light display was causing people to pack themselves in like sardines to watch the animated display of lights.  When the active display ended, we could barely get into a position to make it to St. Patrick's Cathedral.

The last time I was at St. Pat's, the place was under renovation.  Tonight, I can appreciate why so many people consider the cathedral a special place (from a non religious viewpoint). It is a beautiful building.  But it is not a church I'd want to attend - if one were to attend services there, one is merely a face in the crowd.  This is not the feeling I want when I go to church.  About 20 minutes later, we left the church and went back to Grand Central for our train home.  We got there with about 10 minutes to spare before the train left - and had a relaxing ride up the river with nothing serious being said.

All in all it was a pleasant day, and it was the type of thing we should have done more often to keep things special between the two of us.

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Sunday came early, and I didn't.  I should say that the sun came out, and I turned off all of my alarms then slept until the afternoon.  This, I expect, should screw up my sleep patterns for the next week or two.

There was a basket of clothes to be washed, a basket of clean clothes to put away, and a pile of folded clothes on the other side of the bed waiting to go into dresser drawers - all waiting for me to take care of them.  Since my cleaning lady would be expected to come this Thursday for her monthly visit,  this would be the perfect day to straighten things up, pick up a Christmas gift or two, and make some productive use of my time.  But did I do most of this?  Nooooooo!

For the most part, I lounged around all day until 6:30 pm or so.  Eventually, I made it to BJ's where I didn't find what I was looking for (a pair of sweats I could give to my dad on his birthday and on Xmas), but still ended up spending $90 or so.  On the way home from there, I chatted with GFJ, and then picked up stuff at the supermarket before going home for the night.

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I don't feel bad about today's inactivity because I have a busy week ahead of me.  Tomorrow, I'll have an Arts Westchester meeting followed by a Fun Time Friends meetup. Tuesday will have me seeing people for a Census Bureau position, then attending the last co-op board meeting of the year.  Wednesday will be relatively free, as I only have dinner with the Beacon Dining Meetup Group on my schedule.  Thursday is dedicated to Lunch with BXM, followed by games in Yonkers.  (I may use the gap between these two events to either see a movie or to pass my my brother's place to check on things.) And Friday will likely be my weekly stint at the LGBT Center, followed by dinner with Patty.  Now, if only I could find some time to see about applying for Global Entry (and scheduling an in-person appointment), so that I can get a TSA Trusted Traveler number and expedited customs clearance when I return on an international flight.










  

It's hard to believe that after 30+ years, it may come to this.

Recently, I talked with my brother.  He has had a troubled marriage for a while.  Every time a major milestone in his life is about to happen, it seems as if his wife tries to sabotage things. The older they get, the worse the damage she cause to herself and to my brother.  He is at the breaking point, and is considering a legal action from which there is no return.

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About 31 years ago, my brother got married because his wife-to-be was slightly pregnant. (You can barely see her baby bump in their wedding pictures.)  From the beginning of their marriage, in retrospect one could see that they were sailing into stormy waters. There were the expected problems for a 25 year old man without a college degree on Long Island trying to make his way back then: jobs that didn't pay well enough to take care of his family, a career in a dead end industry, and real estate costs that were starting to go through the roof. But the worst problem was one that was not under his control - his wife's first son, his stepson.

My step-nephew is best described as a ne'er-do-well who got good at being a leech.  He is intellectually lazy, and his work ethic is less than nonexistent.  Even when given a job that paid well just to show up at the front door, he screwed that up.  He is an addict, and has hurt every one of his friends and family as a result of his addictions.  Every family member and friend who agreed to give him a place to live had to kick him out because he was stealing from them to feed his addictions.

During the course of their marriage, my sister in law developed her own addiction, and had to deal with the consequences of her actions.  Until recently, she was clean and sober for over a decade.  This is not an easy thing to do.  And then she took on the "responsibility" to house her eldest son again....

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You'll note that I have glossed over a lot of details.  If I stated too much, a casual reader might be able to identify my brother's family - and I want to respect his privacy.

This summer, GFJ and I went to a small gathering at my brother's place, and my sister in law did not show her face all day.  Supposedly, she was feeling sick, and needed to stay in bed.  With what I know now, I'd bet that she was nursing a hangover.

A few weeks ago, I'm visiting my dad in the nursing home and he tells me that there was trouble between my brother and his wife.  When I saw my brother afterwards, he opens up to me and says the same thing and more.  He's in a position where a divorce would ruin them both financially, and he's trying to avoid it.

My sister in law's addiction resulted in familial problems that have scarred my brother and his two children. In talking with my brother and my niece (in separate conversations), I have found that the love of a man for his wife and the love of a daughter for her mother has effectively been snuffed out.  My brother planned to do the "until death do us part" thing, because it was the right thing to do. And later on, he planned to do it, so that both he and his wife could avoid financial disaster.  My nephew went to the other side of the continent to escape his parents.  And my niece's choice of husband may have been a conscious way to live as far away from the fighting going on in the family homestead.  But now, I doubt the marriage will last more than another year or two.

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Divorce in late middle age is not something to be done on a whim.  GFJ knows this from her divorce settlement.  There was enough money saved and property owned to take care of 2 people together as they grew old.  But divided, those assets would provide for a less comfortable existence for each of the former partners. GFJ's financial status will likely be a concern for the rest of her life.  So when my brother mentioned divorce as a serious option, I knew that he was close to his breaking point.

My sister in law is destroying herself, and will take my brother down with her if he lets it happen.  I'll be there for my brother no matter what happens.  But I can't help but feel sad for my sister in law - her maternal instincts got in the way of her sobriety.  As for my step-nephew, he's a person better lost than found - and may he stay that way forever.

My plans had me going into "The City" this evening, but....

This place used to have an outpost in Beacon, NY.  It served relatively good Dim Sum.  But they couldn't make a go of their suburban location.  Luckily the original establishment survived, and that it takes credit cards.  Otherwise I wouldn't be able to meet there with one of my Facebook friends.

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The other day, I confirmed getting together with one of my Facebook friends for a Dim Sum dinner.  However, she needed a place which would take credit cards.  Since I'm "old school" and use cash for many of my transactions, we couldn't go to the Nom Wah Tea Parlor as planned.  So I had to hunt around online for Chinatown restaurants that I am moderately familiar with AND which take credit cards.  Even though I've never been to Dim Sum Go Go in Chinatown, I was at their former Beacon location.  So I figured that they would serve an acceptable meal at a reasonable price.

Around 3 pm, I moseyed to the LGBT Center and did my weekly volunteer stint.  Today's assignment was to tag contact list entries as having attended the 2019 Transgender Forum. And if it weren't for a long winded conversation I had, I would have completed this task by 6 pm.  Instead, 1/3 of my list was left to be completed.

From the LGBT Center, I drove to Pelham and missed another late train.  I wasn't worried, as the next train was expected around 6:30.  However, the train was not on time, as it was 15 minutes late. (BRRRR!!!!   It was awfully cold on the platform while waiting for the train.)   This was not the only problem.  Once on the train, we were further delayed by a situation which required police activity.  I felt lucky that my friend asked me to change our meeting time from 8:00 to 8:30.

Once I got to Grand Central, I took the express downtown and walked to the restaurant from the Brooklyn Bridge station.  Then I decided to wait inside the restaurant because I was 30 minutes early. And wait I did.  Little did I know my friend was trying to reach me on the phone I didn't carry with me, and wasn't going to leave her house until she reached me.  So I ended up giving up hope for a dinner for two, and enjoyed a Dim Sum dinner for one.  Because I figured that it was a typical signals crossed situation, I wasn't angry.  I wasn't even frustrated.  Instead, I realized that I screwed up a little, and it was a "no harm, no foul" situation.  So when I was done with dinner, I walked back to the subway and headed home.

I entered my apartment around 11:30 pm, and found a series of messages on my Facebook page.  My friend was trying to reach me, but this avenue was the one avenue I don't have available to me on my cell phone.  So I texted her, and we chatted online for about 30 minutes.

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Tomorrow, I'll be going into NYC with GFJ to see the American Gangster Museum.  After that, we'll go to eat.  I'm not in the mood for a serious conversation, as I expect to hear bad news.  And I don't want to deal with that bad news until after the Holiday season.  But if I have to deal with it, I will....


 

This was going to be a busy afternoon and evening

It's hard to believe that it's been over 8 years since I've seen Marilyn in proper perspective. Her fame was larger than life, but her life was shorter than she deserved.  Sadly, there is only one place this sculpture should be viewed, and I doubt it will ever make it to New York, where there are subways to give Marilyn a proper updraft....

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Today was the last day of this semester's speech therapy sessions, and I will miss them - even though they weren't as useful as prior semesters' sessions.  Coming off of two semesters with a mature student clinician and experienced clinical supervisor and now experiencing sessions with a pair of young ladies and an inexperienced clinical supervisor, I have become disillusioned to the process.  If I do this again, I will likely go back to having Saturday sessions, so that I can have the more experienced clinical supervisor monitoring my sessions.

Around 2:30, I drove to Mercy for the last time this semester, and had my last session with the w student clinicians.  It was pleasant but sad at the same time.  I won't go into too much detail about the session, save that they recommended full 1 hour sessions for next semester.  If this can be done at the same price I'm now paying, I'll consider it.

Next, was a trip to white plains for the Arts Westchester holiday party.  On the way up, I had the chance to speak with my brother before he flew to England.  Hopefully, he'll have a great time, because life in New York these days is becoming a disaster.  The holiday party was a pleasant diversion, as I got to meet several people I don't usually meet on a monthly basis.  However, I made sure to mention the possibility of getting the Census Bureau job to the volunteer coordinator, as I didn't want her not to know why I might not be attending meetings next year.

Once done there, it was down to Yonkers for some game playing.  Today, we played 2 rounds of Code Names.  It's not my favorite game, but it's nice to play once in a while. Again, I had the chance to relate my latest news to my friends there, and they are also keeping their fingers crossed for me.

On the way home, I chatted with GFJ.  We will probably fo into NYC on Saturday.  But the way she wants to go there precludes us resuming any closeness.  I feel she has made her decision regarding the two of us, and is waiting until after Christmas to drop the final bombshell.  It's sad.  If we had argued and got angry at each other now and then, I'd have been aware of her feelings and showed her how special she is.  But it looks like that ship may have sailed, and that I'd better soon get on with the process of experiencing my grief for something lost that shouldn't have been so.

Ambivalence is the order of the day

Lately, I've been caught in a web of ambivalent feelings.  Now that options are being made available to me, I have mixed feelings about my choices.  This may be a good thing, as 5.5 years of semi-retirement have taught me the value of having time to myself.

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Today started with a couple of calls, one of them being spam.  The other was a reminder that my iPad was ready to be picked up from the fixit shop, and that I should get there today. But I was tired from the night before, as I first went to sleep without my CPAP mask on, and then stayed awake until 5-6 am or so.  There was no way I'd be up and out the door around 10, so I let myself wake up when my body wanted to do so.

Around 1 pm, I moseyed over to the fix-it shop and picked up my iPad.  Then, it was over to the library to pick up some books that were being held for me. Unfortunately, only 2 of the 3 books were available.  But that should give me a head start in catching up on things, as 1 of the books looks like it'll be a heavy read.

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The other day, when I got the first call from the census bureau, I wasn't sure if I wanted the position.  My reason was simple - unless the money was too good to refuse, I didn't want to work as Mario again.  Instead, I wanted (and still want) to work as Marian.  But with the current anti-TG political regime in Washington, I wasn't sure about taking on the Office Operations Supervisor position. Did I want to go to work as Mario to earn a few extra dollars, or did I want to spend as much time as possible as Marian?

During the past week, I surveyed several people I knew from the TG community about whether I should: (1) Go to work as Mario for the duration of the job, (2) First go to work as Mario, and transition to Marian on the job, or (3) Start off going into work as Marian, even if it meant not getting the position in the first place.  Given that I knew of at least one cisgender male who goes to work in female garb, I figured that I needed to find out whether I could do so before starting the pre-employment process.
 
When I got home from today's errands, I returned yesterday's call asking whether I received paperwork. While on the phone, I took the opportunity to ask whether there would be any problems with me being gender non-conforming.  And I was told that this would not be a problem.  YAY!  Now, I am much more comfortable with the idea of taking on this position, as I can go in to work in female mode every day.