Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

 

It was just one of those days....

I had to take off from work to bring my noisy car to Mavis.  The car had exhaust system problems, and I didn't know bad or costly they'd be.  After an hour at Mavis, I was brought to my car and shown the undercarriage.  The exhaust pipe had failed from the point of connection to the catalytic converter to the muffler itself.  Not only did I need a new pipe, but I needed a new muffler as well.  Ouch!  To make things worse, they couldn't get the parts in today.  So I was told that the parts would be in tomorrow, and that I could bring the car in after work to be taken care of.  There goes the better part of $1,000 that I'd rather spend on something else....

Next, it was off to work for a half day, and home to catch up with my ex boss on a Zoom meeting.  He's a good man, and I'm glad to be able to talk with him now and then.  But for some reason, I feel a little depressed when I talk with him.  I guess it's because we're out of the element (work) that gave both of us a certain purpose.

Following this, I logged onto another Zoom meeting, playing games with friends.  I don't recall if I won any games or not, but I was glad to be able to make it.  In two weeks, we'll likely be shutting down for the summer.  And I'll miss the distraction that helped me kill time and keep from getting bored shitless.

 

A quick post about a long chat

I just finished chatting with the ex.  A lot was said about two people who were too stupid to communicate well and tossed away a good relationship.  Can I say a lot about it?  No.  But I do know that a conversation I had with someone else has triggered me to return a gift - and that will cause a fit. 

More to come....

 

 

PS: I later decided not to send the gift back to the former friend.  I'll send a letter to the former friend, and regift the gift to the friend I hike with. At least, she can use that gift (or she can regift it herself).

A pop, and my car told me that it wants to see the mechanic again.

 

The picture above has no relation to the story I have to tell today.  But I liked how the top looks on me, so I figured I would make it available for my readers to see.

- - - - - -

The car I drive is a bit under 8 years old, and it's showing its age.  As long as doing regular maintenance costs me less than buying a new car AND the car is reliable, I'll keep it on the road for now.  But today was a wake up call, that I should consider looking at my timetable to buy that new car.

A while ago, my car started to make a little bit of a "throaty" sound when the car was under stress - such as when I floored the gas to go up a steep hill.  This problem wasn't diagnosed by the mechanic then, so I've lived with it for a a couple of years.  On the way to work, I stopped at a light, hears a "pop", and heard a louder version of the "throaty" noise, as if I was driving a motorcycle instead of a car.  So I decided to schedule a visit to Mavis on Wednesday, lose a day of pay, and get the problem fixed ASAP.  I have no idea of what it is.  My brother and I have some ideas, but without proof, I will hold off any diagnosis until the mechanic has looked at the car.

- - - - - -

After I got home, I ended up calling up one of the women who responded to my ad, just so we could keep current with each other.  And we'll be meeting up next week if all goes right.  This week is already booked up, and next week is starting to get full as well.  Now if only I could find someone compatible to share my life with....

Sunday with RO

 

I like this peacock so much, that I figured I'd post his image one more time.  It's nice to be among the half of a species who gets to use color to attract the opposite sex.  (In my case, I'm not trying to attract anyone while presenting as female, but I enjoy looking as pretty as possible.)

- - - - - -

RO and I had made plans to get together today, and I wasn't going to break them to go on an early morning hike with my friend (YGD) from the Yonkers Game Night Meetup.  Luckily, it rained, so this made it easier for me to postpone getting together to hike, leaving me more time for things such as doing laundry.

I took care of some correspondence this morning, and then got busy taking care of errands around the place. When I first got around to doing laundry, the machines were already in use by one of my neighbors.  This made it critical that I get home from dinner early enough to do laundry.  But it also made it critical that I squeeze in a trip to Wegmans to pick up lunches for the week.  So I could have a time crunch if my dinner with RO lasted too long.

Arriving in Mt. Vernon 30 minutes later than planned, I found that RO had found a way to burn time waiting for me.  She found a place across from where she parked to get a manicure, and 30 minutes later, she sat down at the table - about a minute before I arrived.  The Bayou is a good place for Cajun food, and it didn't disappoint us.  We had more than enough food to eat, and both of us took home leftovers.

On the way home, I made a quick stop at Wegmans, then called someone who responded to my ad on OK Cupid.  We had a nice chat, and agreed to chat again later in the week.  (I took the long way home, so that we'd have more uninterrupted chat time.) And 60 minutes later, I was home unloading my bags and doing laundry between messages with friends.  

This was a day where the less I say means more in the long term....

Another Saturday, and I'm glad I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Some trans women feel that other prople want to see their "Cheesecake" pictures.  I'm a t-gal who takes this literally.  Here's a picture of the cheesecake I enjoyed tonight....

- - - - - -

But being serious....

After getting up late, I decided to do a little bit of cleanup and put some of my heavier winter dresses into a storage container, so that I would have room for more of my summer wardrobe.  And then, it was time to get ready to see FH.

I arrived at FH's place about 10 minutes late.  From there, we went to Forest Park to take a walk.  One problem - there was nothing worth seeing, as there weren't enough trees in bloom yet.  Se wasn't in the mood to walk for the sake of walking, so we took a drive around the pricey section of Forest Hills (where Patty lives) to see some pretty trees and nice houses from the comfort of the car.  Once we were done, it was off to the Milleridge Inn for dinner.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep seeing FH.  And the answer comes quick - until I meet someone more compatible, she serves my desire to date a woman during the pandemic. Now that the pandemic is easing off, I'm more aware of the incompatibilities that make me uncomfortable.  And I'm more aware that she is not the person I want to stay with too much longer.  She is not really interested in the things I'm interested in.  She likes to be a center of attention, always wanting to post pictures of her life on Facebook, instead of living it fully.  And, most of all, I don't think she understands, accepts or respects my TG nature.  So I will soon have to bail out of this relationship, in order to free myself for someone who is better for me.

The food at the Milleridge Inn was good, but the service was less than satisfactory.  They are ramping up to full capacity, and have yet to have enough staff on duty to service the tables.  I was far from happy that we had to wave at the wait staff to get their attention several times.  But I will not rule this place out for the future.  Instead, I will wait until they are ready to serve people in the manner they were accustomed to being served before the pandemic.

 

 

As we were going to the car, we saw this peacock walking around the parking lot of the Milleridge Inn.  FH wanted her picture taken with the bird, and I got several mediocre shots.  However, once I saw the bird, I knew I had to be extra careful while driving out of the parking lot.  Too bad that I couldn't take a picture of the "Peacock Crossing" sign we saw as we left the lot.

After a shopping trip to the drug store and supermarket next door, it was time to go home.  This is when FH brought up my TG nature and started making me feel uncomfortable with her statements.  So I tried to shift the topic away several times, and finally said that we will disagree on this. Then the topic changed with a little effort. By the time we got to her place, I was glad to drop her and her groceries off and then get back on the road to my home.

 

 

PS: I have yet to receive a response from my friend WDS.  Hopefully, he's still able to respond - even if only to tell me that he doesn't want to have me visit him.  

I woke up as the day went on....

 

Getting up in the morning is often a hard thing for me.  If I wake up early after going to sleep late, it's going to take several cups of black coffee to keep me awake enough to do my job.  Today was one of those days.

- - - - - -

I woke up early this morning, and didn't have enough sleep.  So, when I arrived at work, I was both sleep and caffeine deprived.  This meant that by the time my boss came in at 9:00 am, I was struggling to keep my eyes open enough to do enough of my job to justify my salary.  Thankfully, 10:00 am came quickly, and I rushed into the break room to ingest 2 cups of coffee into my caffeine stream.  By the time lunch time came, the caffeine kicked in, and I was able to make it through the rest of the day without incident.

Once home, I was wide awake, and left a message for Vicki to thank her for her help last night. I knew what I had to send to WDS, and knew that I had to be prepared to visit him if asked.  (I didn't realize that I sent the email to TCL instead of WDS last night.  So I sent it to him this evening.)  Since her husband was going up to "the farm", she was free to go out to eat. so we went to a Chinese restaurant that I used to go to with my former cruise partner.  

Vicki and I talked about a variety of things, WDS not being one of them, as we talked that through the night before.  The big thing was to give me ideas on how I could dress for summer at my office.  And I think I'll work with those ideas to find out what will look good on my body, as well as appear appropriately feminine while presenting as Marian.

Some more odds and ends, starting with Picasso's Last Words.

 

I decided to open this post with lines from McCartney's "Picasso's Last Words" because they fit the way I felt as I was getting out of bed this morning.

The grand old painter died last night
His paintings on the wall
Before he went he bade us well
And said goodnight to us all.

 
Drink to me, drink to my health
You know I can't drink any more
Drink to me, drink to my health
You know I can't drink any more

 

The reason for this clip was that a good friend of mine, WDS, struggled to write the email below:

I have not taken the vaccine; there seems to some kind of delay.

I had a stroke with two hemorrhages in the left side of my brain one week ago and spent three days in ICU. My right hand is numb often. The right side of my tongue is numb all the time. I lost half my vocabulary. To spell correctly, I must look up almost every word. Sometimes, I lose the ability to speak; when that happens, I can't pronounce any words, and I can't think of any words. Nuance is now gone. I have lost my appetite; last week, I lost 10 lb. I sure that I have lost more this week because my clothes are now too loose.

I do not know how much longer I will remain alive, but as my body shuts down, I think death is close to me.

I use a lot of time when I write replies. This one took me 25 minutes to assemble.

Sadly, I do not have either his phone number or snail mail address.  At the time I write this, I have no idea of how to respond to him.  Should I volunteer to drive to Florida to see him one last time?  Should I try to get a snail mail address and a phone number to be able to reach him by traditional means?  I don't know what to do, and I was bothered by this while at work today.

- - - - - -

Last night, I decided to do something I usually don't like doing - cook.  I decided to cook something extremely simple, yet a little labor intensive: Cook home made potato chips.  It's a bit of a pain, as I had to peel the potatoes, slice them paper thin (next time, I'll use a mandoline for this), then fry them in small batches until golden brown.  The problem - I decided to do this at 10:30 at night.  Although I had mixed results, I enjoyed the few chips I ate.

- - - - - -

 

The other day, I wrote something to XGFJ.  She misunderstood what I meant, and thought I might be taking a dig at her.  (I wasn't.)  However, I thought of the following witty reply which I didn't send:

 

If I were taking a dig at you, you'd have seen the shovel.

 

Obviously, this would likely have been misinterpreted in the moment.  (Later on, I mentioned this in the Zoom meeting with my Texas friends.  They laughed, as I would expect....)

But seriously....  When I think of XGFJ, I only would like to have her as an activity partner friend.  Dollars to donuts this won't happen because of her fear of seeing me and having her feelings for me kick in.  I liked her, but could never trust her enough anymore to risk a romantic relationship.  Any person who'd threaten to "out" someone to a person's 92 y/o father can not be trusted with things one confides in an intimate partner.   

Years ago, XGFJ used to ask me, "Do you have any complaints about me?"  In retrospect, I now do.  But will never bother to tell her this.  She never trusted me enough to be herself when we had a relationship.  She repressed enough of herself to have me around, that I never could help her with her needs.  Hopefully, this won't be the case in any future relationship she may have. 

 

- - - - - - 

This weekend, FH and I are going to try and make it to the restaurant we planned to go to last week.  I hope this happens.  It'll be nice to have a nice unhurried meal with her.

- - - - - -

Back to my friend, WDS....  I figured that I'd ask a couple of friends for advice on what to say to him.  I feel that I have to say something, but what?  I missed the opportunity to say goodbye to one friend sometime in the past few months.  At least, with WDS, I have the chance to say goodbye.  It's just figuring out how best to do it.

Speaking with TCL, it took me a while to get a chance to speak - and then she listened attentively.  But when I called Vicki, she ran off trying to tell me a lot of things and not thinking that I simply needed someone to listen to me while I think much of this out myself.  I guess that I'll have to interrupt Vicki and TCL more often, simply to get them to listen instead of talk.

In the end, I sent the following email:

Your news came as a shock to me, and I have some questions. Please take your time to answer them, as you need the energy to focus on your recovery.

1. What do the doctors say about recovery?
2. Where are you staying now? A Care Facility? Home?
   Can you give me an address and a phone number? Someone I can contact?
3. Would you like for me to come down for a few days?
   

I don't really want to go to Florida at the last moment. I will do so for WDS, as he was there for me when I needed him most. What are friends for? And this leads me back to a quick mention of XGFJ. Would she have done the same for me when we were a couple? I doubt it. I'm glad I didn't count on her when I was supposed to go for a colonoscopy last year. Even though she said she'd help me after we broke up, I doubt she would have kept her commitment once our dispute started. Over time, one learns who one's real friends are and who they aren't. In my case, I've learned a lot about the quality of people by how they manage their lives. If the worst happens to WDS, I will miss someone who I could trust with my life.