Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Covid and how it impacted society

 

The other night, I met a friend who told me about how things are going at her job.  Although everything is OK on the surface, there is more going on than anyone would want to admit.  And this got me thinking....

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As of the time I'm writing this entry, we're about 2 years into the pandemic. Although the worst of the pandemic related disruptions are behind us, the ripple effects continue to this day. At the beginning, the government was sponsoring PPP loans to keep people "employed" when there was no economic need for  businesses to employ them. If a business took out this type of loan, it had to meet some strict requirements and then apply for PPP forgiveness of the loan later on.  One problem - no one knew how long the pandemic would last, and many small businesses couldn't afford the risk that they would be able to employ these employees at the end of the loan's term. (This is how I remember things, small business owners may be able to better clarify things here.)  America's "unlivable wage" structure combined with Federal Unemployment Insurance subsidies made it a better deal for many small business employees to leave the workforce and take the time off to develop skills for better paying jobs. In the case of one business I'm acquainted with, the business owner had to lay off it's one employee. The owner of the business was doing double duty for 18 months while the "ex" employee was taking advantage of government largesse - and I can't blame the employee for doing so.  Yet, more people needed this money than not, as they had no jobs to go to (think of restaurant staff) and no way to get new ones.  It made sense for these people to develop skills for new jobs with better wages and more stability.

Over time, things evolved into a "new normal".  Most of us got used to wearing masks in public spaces. Most of us got used to social distancing.  And most of us got used to the safety protocols needed to help slow down the spread of the pandemic.  Many businesses started opening up again, albeit in new ways. Restaurants developed new take-out models, and employed some of their former wait staff as kitchen employees for the duration.  Others created outdoor dining spaces. And still others were allowed to operate indoor facilities with reduced capacity. Yet, many cherished places continued to close, as they could not get enough business to pay their bills.

Eventually, the needed vaccines were developed, and things changed for the better.  Once enough people became vaccinated, we continued our evolution to a "new normal". Many businesses that had shut down due to the pandemic reopened.  In my case, I took my first cruise in 2 years at Christmastime. Yet, I noticed that things were different.  Fewer people were on my cruise than I expected. And this is typical - many people are still afraid of catching the virus, even though they have been vaccinated.  (I can't blame them, as I lost my dad to the virus in the early days of the pandemic.) Yet, with the symptoms of the virus in the vaccinated being much less severe than in the unvaccinated, I see the risks and severity of getting sick as that of catching a non-Covid flu.  Many of us are tired of having to think of the virus, and are finding ways to live our lives again.

And this sets the stage for the continuing ripples of the pandemic.  The friend who discussed her job with me noted that her boss was not in the best financial state.  Year to year holiday sales were still down, as many of his customers were not gathering in large numbers anymore. He was surviving, but slowly hemorrhaging money - especially, as he bought out his former partner just before the pandemic struck. The owner enjoys running his business, but his Covid-19 depressed financials may force him to close the business and put my friend out of work.  Many small businesses are hurting, as they can not generate the revenue to pay workers, or to pay workers enough to stay on their jobs.  Increased demand for workers have caused people to jump to better paying and more secure jobs.  They have learned their lessons from the early days of the pandemic, and do not want to be at risk again from a next pandemic.

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As for me, I've noticed that when I pass through Grand Central Terminal, that many dining venues have closed. Not only do people want to avoid eating at the terminal due to the virus, but people have no places to sit down and enjoy their food. Until recently, the magazine/newspaper stand at Grand Central wasn't open when I was there.  Not enough people were taking the train into NYC to justify keeping the place open.  But now, things are opening up again, and I am looking forward to an excuse to eat at the Oyster Grill again.

Yet, things have changed quite a bit.  Not only do I have to show that I have been vaxxed and boosted before entering a NYC restaurant, museum, or theater, but I have to pull out government id to prove that the vaccination record is mine. It's a small price to pay for "normalcy" in the new normal.  

There is a point where enough people have been vaccinated in society to allow for a herd immunity. Those of us who have been vaccinated paid the small price to allow this to happen.  But most of the unvaccinated people are freeloaders.  Their selfish interests have made it harder to attain this herd immunityAnd with their insistence that they remain unmasked in places where immuno-compromised people may be only helps to make things worse for all of us.  The new normal has shown us that there are a large number of people who don't give a damn about others - and who will hurt society rather than make small sacrifices to improve it.

I could go on and on.  This post was intended to be a short one discussing my friend's job and how Covid-19 affected it.  But things often change when I start writing an entry....

 

 

Monday, February 14, 2022

Dihydrogen Monoxide and other subjects

 

 
Recently, I had a chat with LK, and we discussed how ignorant many people are about objective facts that are important right now.  Many people take a quick Wikipedia/Google search on a subject and take it as gospel.  They do not even know how to search for peer reviewed scientific search easily ready by the general public to understand the science behind what is going on.  For example, she noted that her mom didn't know about Google Scholar, and didn't have a clue about how to find useful data in this area.

But we shouldn't limit ourselves to serious sites.  Many people can't figure out that the Onion is a satirical site, and not real news.   Even worse, they are often clueless when it comes to the problems with Dihydrogen Monoxide.  Many people are no longer capable of critical thinking, and it's frightening.  They now depend on 3 second sound bites from their political pundit of choice, and that's not good for a democratic republic.

We're seeing book bans in schools for materials which are total BS, save that they make you think. What is it about critical thought that some politicians fear?  Maybe that people would see that these leaders are selling us snake oil?

Sunday, February 13, 2022

Seeing an "old" friend.

 

It's been a while since I've seen my former student clinician from Mercy College that I used to develop my feminine voice. So It was a great pleasure to see her again and catch up on things.

But first....

I was a little depressed, as I noticed that my former cruise partner had deleted the "Congratulations" message I sent, finding out that she has a new grandchild.  So sad.  I doubt she'll ever let go of her anger towards anyone who may have hurt her (like me), and as a result, will never heal from her wounds.  I mentioned this to LK when we met, and she was a great "pick me up" when I needed it most.  And then we talked about her good news - her bun in the oven is healthy, and she can't wait to be a mom.  We talked about so many things in the short time we were together, and I'm hoping that we can get together early next month.

LK is a great person, and is now a great professional.  Yet, her pregnancy is getting in the way of her assignments (occupational prejudice), and there's not much she can do save to deal with it assertively.  She intends to continue working after baby leave, and I feel she will "easily" be able to handle the demands of both family and career. Hopefully, her partner will also step up to the challenge of raising a child.

I won't go into much more right now.  Maybe later on, if LK is OK with it.  (I learned at least that much from dealing with FCP.) 

Saturday, February 12, 2022

Sometimes, I think about what I lost and gained.

 

I haven't played with the above toy in ages, and I don't want to spend the money on a monthly subscription.  Yet, if I were an artist, I'd subscribe in a heartbeat.  And with what I did on this run, I have an idea of what I want if I go for Facial Feminization Surgery sometime in the future.

Why do I bring this up now?

After seeing Amy Schneider on Jeopardy, I can imagine myself living 24x7 as a female.  Yet, I have no need to do so. This group of pictures simply reminds me of the options available to me if I really desire them.

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But thinking of what could be also got me into thinking of what I gained and lost over the years.  For example, I gained and lost FCP's friendship.  She was very helpful in allowing me to grow as Marian. But she would likely have held me back from further growth.  I was lucky to stumble into a technology career that kept me well employed for 40 years.  Yet, losing this career due to obsolescence may have been one of the better things to happen to me.  It gave me the time and freedom to develop that part of myself that is Marian.  And even being married, then widowed, taught me that I could love and be loved - something I never would have dreamed of when I was young.

When I was young, I had all the options in the world.  Now, I'm playing out my cards.  With this being said, I appreciate what I have even more than I once did, because of what I've gained and lost through life's experiences.

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One of the transgender people I've met took advantage of her remaining male assets well into her transition - at least, until she had her bottom surgery.  To me, if one has enough gender dysphoria to need full transition, one should be very comfortable living with all the sacrifices one makes to have that transition.  Everyone has to make tradeoffs, and that transgender woman realized what she was losing in order to gain a life as a functioning woman.  I have to give her a lot of credit, as she had vocal surgery in addition to bottom surgery to be the woman she now sees in the mirror.  Another transgender woman has gone in the opposite direction, deciding to keep her "equipment", as she doesn't want to give up the ability to enjoy an orgasm.  These two women are playing out their cards the best way they can, and I wish them the best lives they can lead.

Looking at myself, I have lost potentially good relationships because of who and what I am.  Some of these women had no idea of what they really wanted when meeting me, and stayed around for much longer than they should have done if they had their acts together.  Yet, with romance out of the way, I have developed a better relationship with a couple of women, than had we clicked romantically.  Go figure....

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Life is a matter of tradeoffs, and we all make them.  We gain a lot, and lose a lot from these tradeoffs. I'm hoping that the choices I will be making in the future give me more gains than losses....

Friday, February 11, 2022

I keep getting closer and closer to leaving my job

 

This morning, I had an appointment to see my doctor - as Mario.  So I got up later than usual, and took my shower.  Normally, this wouldn't be worth mentioning, but we had a water main break yesterday and I wasn't sure if we'd have enough water for a shower this morning. Luckily, the town's water department worked all through the evening to reroute water supply, so that apartments in my complex had water. (For this, I give them thanks, as it was close to zero degrees last night.

The visit with the doctor went well, as he noted that my A1C level was good.  But he tweaked my meds, and changed when I should take one of them.  Afterwards, I went home to change into Marian mode and went to work.  Unfortunately, I forgot my MP3 player - and I had to tough it out through 4 hours of work without something to distract me.  Luckily, there was a meeting that burnt off 30 minutes of my time, so the day went more quickly than expected.  Even so, I felt as if my days of working full time are numbered, as I realized that I have lost my enthusiasm for doing this job.

A recent email exchange with my friend, WDS, helped me clarify what I want to do with the rest of my life. Last year, he had a medical issue which affected his ability to function and enjoy life.  Although many functions have recovered to some degree, his life is not the same as it was before.  This got me to thinking: Why shouldn't I enjoy how I spend my time for the rest of my life? (as long as I am able to do so, that is.)  I can do many things using a minimal amount of my savings, and turn on a couple of income streams when I need them. (I may be forced to turn them on earlier than I want to do so, but it's not because I need to do so.)

Since I want to take my Hawaii trip as Marian, I figure that I needed to get my Trusted Traveler Number as Mario.  This way, I can reach a security checkpoint, explain things in a minimally uncomfortable position, and "fly pretty" (as Kim would put it).  Yet, I will make a trip or two as Mario, so that I can determine whether it is worth it to see these places as Marian on another trip.

So it all goes back to the question: What do I want to do with the rest of my life, and how do I do those things?  Hopefully, I'll have a lot of pleasant experiences coming up....




Thursday, February 10, 2022

It's hard to believe that I haven't done any serious shopping in a while.

Recently, the above dress was displayed as part of an ad from Karina Dresses on my Facebook feed.  Given that this company is based in the USA and makes its garments in the USA, I had to take a closer look at their web site.  

Karina calls its products as the "Original Easy Dress".  Given that they have a decent selection of dresses each with multiple patterns on sale, it's worth my effort to get to know this brand a little more.  And, given that their one store is located about 90 minutes from me, it's just as much of an effort for me to visit their store as it would be to visit Universal Standard's store before it closed due to the pandemic.

Yet, with all the shopping options out there, nothing seems to say "Buy Me!"  I'm at the stage of wardrobe building where I want to carefully fill in wardrobe gaps, and not buy things for the excitement of receiving something new off the UPS truck.  I'm also at the stage in life where I should seriously get my act together and lose some weight before my health starts to deteriorate.  So, assuming that I start losing weight, I will need to refresh my wardrobe while I shrink - it doesn't make sense to buy things I don't need and won't be able to use for the long term.

I hope that once I start losing weight, that I can use the above image as a model for how I want to look.  Yes, I will need to have some plastic surgery, as my former cruise partner needed after her weight loss. But I will look so much better after having done all of this.
 

 

Wednesday, February 9, 2022

Ennui - It's part of what I've been dealing with for the past 2 years.


En·nui
noun: ennui

a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

"he succumbed to ennui and despair"

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I'm not sure of whether I was experiencing ennui before I broke up with my last serious girlfriend. But I certainly felt it after we broke up.  As BB King titled one of his songs, "The Thrill is Gone."  Or, it has been for a while for me.  It was important for me to find something to excite me, and I was lucky not to fall into the rabbit hole of abuse of mind altering substances.  I had to identify and confront my feelings during the past two years.

The act of going to work in Marian mode was a thrill at first. But now, it's simply a matter of personal comfort and preference.  The problem is that I want romance, and for that, I have to live in both modes. It doesn't bother me to go out as Mario.  It's simply that I prefer going out as Marian.  But this is not the cause of my ennui.

When I was young, a lot of things excited me.  Now, I take many things in stride, knowing that any excitement I get is only momentary.  My last cruise invigorated me, but it was a great let down when I had to come home and go to work the next day.  Now that I have a bucket list cruise on my docket, I an looking forward to the change of pace it will deliver.  I will be in a much better mood when I travel, as I will be a little bit out of my comfort zone - and being energized because of that.

Each time I go to work, I end up being depressed for the first part of the day.  The repetitive nature of my work puts me to sleep, and I want to be doing something different if I have to wake up so early.  Yet, by the time afternoon comes, I am more energized, and I can sail through the rest of the day without many problems.  Is the job worth the money I get for doing it?  I'm not sure.  Sooner or later, I will quit this job, and I know I will feel relief.  Yet, it may put me into the funk I felt in 2000 when the Covid shutdown took place.

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2002 leaves me looking forward to change.  I just hope that I feel more energized soon....


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The snow has mostly been cleared, RQS is home, and we finally Zoomed with our friends

  As of this morning, the above car was still snowbound and will be blocked in even more when the next snowfall hits.  However, my spots are...