It's been a while, and I'm sure that WDS has fallen ill again (or worse).

I'm not sure of what to say about my friend WDS.  He was my best man when I got married 40 years ago  We were very close when we were in college, but we drifted apart over the years.  Both of us lost our wives to the same type of cancer.  Both of us had a strong interest in computers.  But he took a very different path than I did in life. WDS went deep into the technology rabbit hole, while I stayed closer to the business world.  He worked hard to avoid becoming technically obsolescent, while I stayed in a stable position with a dying technology.  Yet, our friendship lasted..

Things changed when our wives passed away.  WDS always felt that he should have been a sailor on a 3-masted ship, sailing the oceans and exploring new worlds.  With his wife, they planned to tour the country in a custom-built mobile home on wheels. That dream ended when his wife died.  I was with him when she took her own life, as she wanted to die on her own terms. She did not want to be doped up in hospice and kept breathing to please a society that couldn't let a woman die with dignity instead of in pain. 

Once his wife died (I won't fill in any of the blanks my readers might have), he was harassed by the DA in the city in which he lived.  It took 6 months for things to clear, and some valuable items were stolen by the very police department who were supposed to investigate the case. (I can vouch for one thing: WDS could not have prevented his wife's suicide if he wanted to.)  After things cleared, and his wife's death ruled a suicide, WDS left the NYC area for good and landed in Florida.

WDS and I had occasional contact via email after that, and he couldn't understand how I lost interest in the nitty gritty of technology.  To me, there was much more to life than making a machine get up and dance.  (If I were young, I'd likely have gone into robotics and made the machine dance.  But that's another story.) One time, when I reached out to him, he didn't respond.  So, I reached out to an organization he was associated with and sent out a feeler.  Still no response.  It took him a while to get back to me.  He had suffered a brain aneurysm, and no longer had the verbal ability he once had.  He was no longer able to speak, as he lost much of his brain's ability to quickly retrieve words and speak them. Instead, he was forced to constantly use a thesaurus to create sentences to express his thoughts in writing.  What would take him 5 seconds to say now took him a half hour or more.  So, I never had the chance to speak with him again.

The other day, I tried to reach WDS at his long term email address.  The domain he used was no longer in existence.  I had no other email address, but I did have a phone number.  So I texted him.  No response.  At this time, I'd bet that WDS has had more maladies, and may either be in a nursing home or has passed away.  Either way, if I'm visiting his neck of the woods, I'll knock on the door of his last known address (that I could find) and see if he's still alive.  If so, I hope he's doing well. 

 

A true "Bucket List" cruise.

 

This is a cruise I'd like to take someday in the future.  It's 28 days long, and it goes to ports I'll never have the chance to go on other trips.  One of my friends from game night has taken a 1-way 2-week cruise from New York to Iceland, touching at some of these ports.  But I'd want to do a round trip, closed loop cruise and spend the better part of a week in Iceland.

- - - - - -

Yesterday, I found out how much RQS receives in pension and social security benefits, and I realized that she has many more demands on her monthly income than I have on an income 20% more than hers.  She'd never be able to afford such a trip on her own.  So, if I were to book this trip, I might as well pay for her share of a cabin, as it would cost me the same either way.  

There is one problem with this cruise - The last time it's being offered (right now) is in 2026.  Instead of costing $6600/pp, a similar 2027 cruise will cost $11400/pp and last 35 days.  However, it will be a Solar Eclipse cruise, and the cruise line is charging as much money as they can for the privilege of seeing the sun disappear from the sky for 4 minutes.  Hopefully, the cruise line will offer something similar to the 28-day cruise in 2028.

- - - - - -

In 2027, I'm hoping to be able to take RQS on a Hawaii cruise.  Sadly, with the new Hawaii taxes that start in 2026, it will cost at least 14% more expensive than it was this year (ignoring inflation).  It will still be worth the money spent.  But it will likely be the last time I get the chance to visit this state, as there are no discount ways to cruise the Hawaiian islands.

There are so many cruises I'd love to take.  I'm lucky - I have already checked off 3 of the most common bucket list cruises, with more to go.  Hopefully, I'll have both health and money to finish off my list. 

I'm starting to pack for my upcoming cruise

 

I miss being able to cruise as Marian.  The Orange Snowflake is out to erase transgenders from the earth, claiming "it is all in our heads."  One problem - it is easier to change the body than to rewire the brain.  And even if it could be done, should it be done?  When the person who holds the presidency has no morality, no sense of justice, and no respect for others, then how can anyone cis or trans feel safe?

Safety for us trans people is important.  For those like me, we can go stealth and not worry much - but we still have our worries.  When presenting as a male, my whiteness helps keep me safe from the ICE raids going on in neighboring towns.  So, if I have to make contact with anyone from the Federal Government, I've decided to do so as a white male and assert my "privilege". This is not real safety.  I've been hassled by a TSA Officer before flying to London, simply because he had a bug up his ass.  Could you imagine what he'd have been like if I were presenting as a female for an international flight?

I remind people that Cisgender people are not safe.  The husband of one of my friends is an immigrant from the Philippines. He is not white, but he is a male US Citizen who has communications issues.  He lives in a town which has suffered ICE raids, and my friend (his wife) fears what could happen if he goes out during one of these raids. He could not advocate effectively for himself.  Given that we have deported US citizens caught in one of these ICE roundups, do you think he'd be safe.

RQS is a fair skinned black, somewhere in the mocha shade of skin tone.  She'd likely be tolerably safe, as she has an "American" accent. And that relative safety would likely extend to many "American Blacks" who speak with an "American" accent familiar to many ICE agents.  But that doesn't extend to their initial treatment by these "authorities", as there has been a different standard of justice for whites and blacks in America. I must note that Asian Americans may have similar treatment to American Blacks, but would be subject to similar risk factors.  Yet, even if I were a second or third generation Chinese American, would I feel safe if ICE was raiding a Chinatown neighborhood as they recently did in New York City?

The promise of the Orange Snowflake was to round up the criminals who were in the US illegally and deport them first.  Instead, he is aiming for quantity over quality, scooping up law abiding people (here legally or illegally) to make artificial quotas.  So, a wise gender nonconforming person can not feel safe in a society where every touch point with the Federal Government puts her/him at risk.

So, I've started my packing, and I'm disappointed that I won't be able to wear my summer dresses again. But, I still wouldn't do so on this cruise, as many of the islands in the Caribbean have similar backwards attitudes as our president.  I'll still be relatively comfortable and safe, but I won't be as happy as if I could present as my true self. 

 

 

 

 

 

She's going home, bye, bye....

 

I always feel a little sad when RQS goes home.  I love having her near me, but I also feel a little freer when I have the time to  take care of my own affairs without worrying about her feelings.  We have a good thing going, where our periodic absences from each other's lives makes the fondness grow stronger.

Today, RQS had to go home.  She had things to take care of at home, and I had things to do here as well. So, after relaxing all day (and having some of our leftover lobster), we got showered and dressed (me in a $5.00 dress I picked up at Burlington a few years ago) and prepared to go to the station. So, around 3:15, we left for the train station, me without my wallet in my handbag.  Well, after dropping RQS off, I found out that I left my wallet at home while I was on the drive thru lane at McDonald's.  AARGH!  You can guess how careful I drove home - I'm glad nothing happened on my way home.

Next, I was off to Walmart with my wallet in hand.  It was time for me to replace my car's cell phone charger.  When I brought the charger and cable up to the cash register, the credit card reader had problems with my card.  Why, I do not know.  But I ended up having to swipe the card instead of inserting the card to charge this to my account.  Later, I'd find out that my credit card company's fraud detection system had texted me about this transaction, and I okayed it.  Luckily, I had a second charge card for another transaction I'd make in the same store.

- - - - - -

When I got home, I found that RQS had a problem with her taxes. (I won't go into details here.)  When our tax lady looked into it, she found that Fran (who RQS used for her taxes 2 years ago) made a mistake, and RQS got flagged for a problem with her 2022 taxes.  OUCH!  This makes me glad that I had to do a last minute shuffle and find our current tax preparer.  I just wonder what tax year 2025 will look for me....

 

 

PS: The tax problem was with a previous tax preparer's mistake - The State/Local forms were not filled in correctly.  The person who did the taxes did this two years in a row.  I'm glad that both of us have someone good on the case these days - I almost got stuck using this person, and dodged a bullet with my taxes.

The remainder of a nice weekend (a short post)

 

But baby, it's cold outside...

Being serious, it felt cold outside.  It finally feels like winter is just around the corner, and the two of us finally needed our warmer coats to go outside.

- - - - - -

Sunday came, and I decided not to go to church.  Although I could have done so, I was not in the mood to shower and wear a dress on the coldest day of the season.  Instead, I turned off the alarm, turned over, and went back to sleep for a while.

When I finally got up, I proceeded to the living room to start my wake-up process and have a little bite to eat.  RQS was up about an hour after I was, and we relaxed most of the day.  Since we had to make a run to Kohl's to make an exchange, we knew we had to get out the door before closing.  (Little did we know that they were on Holiday Hours.)  So, we got showered and dressed (sadly, with me in Mario mode), and proceeded to Kohl's.  Thirty minutes later, RQS was out with her haul.  And then, it was over to Shoprite.

I've been to almost all of the supermarkets within a 30 minute drive of my house.  So I proceeded to the seafood department and ordered 3 lobsters.  These were feisty critters, and they likely had just molted.  We expected lobsters that would be easy to crack open and tasty to eat.  And we were right.  For the most part, we barely needed our lobster crackers, and we had some of the best lobster we ever ate at home.

Monday would come, and I'd have to drive her to the train station to go home.  But as Scarlett O'Hara might say: "Tomorrow is another day."

  

Guess who was the birthday gal! (No, not me.)

 

I rarely drive to TCL's house these days, as she is uncomfortable with me when presenting as female. So, I save the times I plan to see her for when I'm presenting as male.  This means that I visit her much less than I visited a former cruise partner when we were still friends. Today was a day I was presenting as a male, and it was a perfect day to visit TCL.

But first...

RQS's friend was in town today, and we had made arrangements to meet her for lunch.  Of course, this dictated that this would be Mario's day out. So I made sure that we'd see TCL for a belated birthday dinner.  While I was at it, I also scheduled my Covid vaccination for today as well.

Waking up at 9 am, RQS and I went to CVS, so that I could get my arm stuck.  Then it was off to a small diner in Yonkers where we'd meet RQS's friend (and family) for lunch.  This diner was tiny, and not geared for 5 people (plus infant) to have a leisurely meal.  Yet, we were able to get a table quickly and we were able to have lunch together.

RQS's friend started off by telling us about her sister falling ill overseas.  I won't describe the symptoms here, but she has been stuck in a clinic in Fiji.  Travel insurance does not cover her evacuation to America.  Instead, it covers evacuation to the nearest place where appropriate care can be given - Australia.  AARGH!  Now, RQS's friend is trying to figure out a way to get her sister home and under the care of American doctors.  Although we talked about other things, this was the overriding focus of our get together, and something still being worked on as we left the diner.

Next, we were off to New Jersey.  RQS had to go to Land's End to return a coat, and came out with another at a lower price.  (Everything was on sale at 50% of the list price.)  Once done at Lands End, we killed 90 minutes before driving to TCL's place to pick her up for a belated birthday dinner.

The 3 of us made it to a nearby Italian restaurant just before the crowds came in.  We had a leisurely meal, TCL being greeted as a regular at the restaurant.  Around 6:45, I got a subtle hint from one of the wait staff that they'd like to seat new people  (Don't think this was an unreasonable hint - there was over 15 people waiting inside the doorway, and another 15 waiting outside in the chilly weather.)  So, I signaled TCL after she finished the last bite of dessert that it was time to leave.  When I pointed out how many people were waiting to get in, she understood why it was time to leave.

It was a long day.  And an expensive one, as I dropped $250 on two different meals.  Yet, it was a good day.  RQS got to see her friend, and I finally got the chance to see TCL

Lunch with Maria - the only point of the day.

 

Years ago, I took a set of Boudoir pictures of my friend Maria, so that she could have something sexy to give her husband.  It was a fun evening, and I made sure NOT to view any part of her body that I couldn't see at a typical beach or swimming pool.  Neither of us were available at the same time - we were either both married, or one of us was "attached" while the other was available.  And yet, I don't think we'd ever have thought of each other as a romantic partner, as we never looked at each other as anything other than good friends who just happened to be in the opposite gender.

- - - - - -

The only thing on my docket for the day was lunch with Maria. We decided to meet at our usual place at 12:30.  Both of us got to Cold Spring on time, but we couldn't find parking close to the Cold Spring Depot restaurant.  So, I called her, and suggested that we drive to a diner in Beacon for lunch.  Fifteen minutes later, we were pulling into the parking lot and walking into the diner.

Maria was surprised to find me using a cane.  I noted that I don't always need it. But when I have to stand in one place for a while, it makes it possible for me to do so.  We sat down in one of the booths, and we caught up on each other's lives. I mentioned my two trips into NYC and our upcoming cruise, while Maria talked about her family and the problems she has been dealing with. As a grandmother, she should be able to give her grandchildren back to their mother at the end of the day.  But Maria has been doing the job of raising a second generation, while her daughter ducks the responsibilities of being a parent.  She's stuck doing so, and I hope that one day she will be able to have more leisure time to enjoy life. As it is, I may have said too much about Maria's life.  But, without seeing her face, and leaving the details of her life unsaid, I don't think she'd mind me mentioning this one aspect of her life, as she shares this struggle with many grandparents in our generation.

All too soon, we had to part.  Hopefully, we'll be able to meet again in December. I drove home, and took a much needed nap. And then, my day was over.  At least, I was able to wear my sweater dress again,