Hawaii Vacation - Day 02: Polynesian Cultural Center

This is the view from my hotel room this morning.  Tthe weather was warm, but not too humid.  And I was up at the crack of dawn to go to the Polynesian Cultural Center on the first of my 3 days in Honolulu, I feel that this is a practice run for the two days that follow, as I will need to be ready for each day at 7 am, instead of 8:45 am.  If how I felt by 4 pm is any clue, I'll be wiped out before I even get on the cruise ship. 

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As usual, I didn't get much sleep the night before.  But I felt that I had a restful sleep, and was ready to go out for the day.  So, I got showered and dressed, then picked up "breakfast" ar the ABC Store downstairs. (For those who've never been to Hawaii, the ABC Stores are all over Hawaii's tourist areas and sell both "tourist" and "non tourist" goods - all with a focus on serving the tourist.)  Today's breakfast was more tasty than yesterday's overpriced airport sausage and egg sandwich.  It was a dish with eggs, bacon, spam (?) and rice.  It was yummy, but not something I'd want to eat on a regular basis.  And then, it was off to the meeting area for those on our cruisetour.  

NCL packages 3 days touring Oahu with a 7 night cruise.  It's a good deal, and I highly recommend this way of visiting Hawaii for the first time.  There were 30-40 people who, like me, opted for this travel option, and NCL representatives were trying to make sense of who was and wasn't there.  I thought they had checked my name on the list of attendees, as they had given me an ID tag for the 3 days of Oahu touring. But later on, I found a message from NCL telling me that I missed the tour.  Once everyone was supposedly accounted for, it was off to today's first stop - The Dole Plantation.

The Dole Plantation is not much of a destination as it is a good place for a bio-break on the way to the other side of Oahu.  Inside the main building are 20+ separate stores, most of which are selling tourist goods made somewhere other than Hawaii.  The only thing I bought these was a pineapple ice cream cup, and then it was off to our second and main destination - the Polynesian Cultural Center.

The center is a park dedicated to show the commonality and differences of the 6 main Polynesian cultures: Samoan, Hawaiian, Tongan, Fijian, Tahitian, and Aotearoan (Polynesians of New Zealand) peoples are represented here, and cultural demonstrations are performed for visitors.  Is it real?  Is it fake?  To me, it's like visiting the old World's Fair, where people of different nations demonstrated things that defined their cultural identity.

When touring this place, you will notice places where traditional culture clashes with modern building codes - and modern codes win out.  Hopefully, all my readers will get the chance to visit this place, as it gives a typical main-lander an idea of what Polynesian culture is and what it isn't.

Once done, it was back to town.  And this is where I'll leave off for the day.

Hawaii Vacation - Day 01: Flying to Honolulu

When I first learned of Hawaii, it was as exotic to me as it was to the people who could afford to fly on the Pan-Am clipper.  It was the type of place that seemed so far away, and so different from the America in which I grew up.  So, when my Dad died, I figured that it would be good for me to take the small amount of cash I inherited and put it to use in having a bucket list experience.  This Hawaii cruise and tour is that experience.

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So, let me start at the beginning....

The night before the cruise, I took Google's directions to reach the hotel I'd stay at the night before the cruise.  This was a mistake, as the route had me going through one of NYC's worst jams - taking the exit ramp from the Major Deagan expressway to go onto the George Washington bridge.  This jam is caused by trucks slowly coming into the expressway from the far right, and having to cut over to the far left to take the bridge's upper level across the Hudson.  (9/11 screwed up a lot of things, and this interchange is one of those things.)  So it took me 30 minutes to travel less than a mile.  Due to the rain and poor road markings, I almost got into several accidents as soon as I crossed the river. I was very glad that I made it to the hotel safely, as I was concerned about my ability to drive safely in this weather.

After a night of almost no sleep, I headed off to the airport to catch my plane.  The first thing that was fouled up was that United wanted to charge me again for checked luggage, and I was not going to pay them a second time when I had the receipt that proved I paid for a checked bag.  So, after waiting about 10 minutes, this issue got resolved (for the outbound trip) and I proceeded to make it to the PreCheck line, where I had no problems getting through security,  (Given issues I discussed earlier, I had my concerns, and things worked in my favor for a change.)  But then, things began to change....

This was my first time "Flying Pretty", and I had problems that were unrelated to being gender non-conforming. My outbound flights had me flying out of Newark, changing planes in San Francisco, and landing in Honolulu at 3:45 pm local time.  Well, after an hour, they scuttled the flight, as they couldn't supply water to the lavatories.  There was no way that the pilot would fly the plane without water for the loos.  So I had to rebook my flights, and got a route that would go to Los Angeles instead of San Francisco for a connection to Honolulu.  One problem: I had to kill 3 hours at the airport before making my connection. I accepted this change, and rushed over to a gate 10 minutes away before my rebooked connection was complete.  (I had the agent at the second gate print the boarding pass for the second flight.)  

Eventually, I got on the plane bound for the coast, and we had a problem - a passenger had what could have been called a heart attack, and they were asking the passengers if there was a coronary specialist on board.  Luckily, that passenger was in stable condition, and the plane didn't have to make an emergency landing which would have kept me from making it to Honolulu.  What I haven't mentioned so far is that my bags were not on the same plane that I was on.  Instead, they were traveling to San Francisco, and then onto Hawaii.  Someone said that the bags would be at the airport before I was, and I was rightfully skeptical of that.

Once in Los Angeles, I checked my bag's status with customer service and they again said that my bag would be in Honolulu before me.  I was glad that I had a complete change of clothes in my carry on bag, just to be safe.  Then, I called RQS to catch up on things. After a nice chat, I killed more time at LAX, and then got on the plane for Honolulu.  And again, the pilot asked passengers if there was a doctor on the plane.  AARGH!

Eventually, I made it to Honolulu to find that my luggage did make it to the airport before me.  And then I finally heard the dreaded "Mr." word attached to my name when I was obviously presenting as a female.  Luckily, I got my ride to the hotel, and I was finally in for the night

Merry Xmas!

 

Merry Christmas!

(My regular blogging will continue tomorrow.)

By the time you read this, I will be home

 

This is the route of the cruise I am about to take.  By the time you see this post, I will be home and beginning to write entries to log what I did on my trip. But I am writing this entry on the day before I start on my bucket list trip.

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I figure that I will again leave my comfort zone by trying to "fly pretty".  Kim has documented many of her travels in her blog, "Traveling Transgender".  Sadly, she has not flown pretty to often lately, as life has happened while she was making other plans.  Hopefully, she will again be able to do so.  But if not, I will still be able to thank her for showing me that I can live the way I want if I am willing to make the sacrifices to do so.

Given that I still have an issue with how the airline has recorded my reservation, I still may have problems with Airport Security - even though I am a trusted traveler.  I hate the fact that the full version of my name is very masculine, when the familiar version of the name is good for both genders.  If I continue along this path of femininity, I will likely change my name to the familiar version of the name and look to have unisex versions of my image on my legal ids.

Relaxation will be impossible until I am in Honolulu.  Once there, I will be able to have fun.  Until then, I'll try to deal with the little things as they come at me, as it's all I can do to preserve my sanity when I'm nervous....

The last full day before starting my trip.

 

Today started with a lack of sleep from the night before.  And I had a 10 am appointment at Mavis.  AARGH!  So I stumbled into consciousness, got dressed, and went to Mickey D's before my car's appointment.  I had a feeling about what would be wrong with the car, and I am not sure if they got it right.  They claimed the problem was a TPMS sensor, and 2 hours + 100 dollars later, I was out of the place.  What a way to start the morning.

Next, it was back home to organize what I packed in my luggage.  And I was able to make some space in my luggage, so I could close both bags without effort.  Unfortunately, I will need to unpack/pack at least 3 more times, and I will not be looking forward to this part of my trip.  There are still so many things I need to do for the trip, and I know I will be under prepared in many ways.  As long as I have my clothes, my makeup, my wig, my CPAP machine and some money, all will be OK.

Since this trip will be made in female presentation, I'll be sure to have a full makeup kit with me However, I won't have a chance to do any touch up for at least 13 hours - and I may be showing some stubble by then.  Thankfully, I'll be able to hide this by wearing a face mask until I get to the hotel. And then, the fun begins....

I'm hoping to meet the widow of my late therapist.  She will likely be surprised to see me as a female. But I will explain that I never felt comfortable discussing this with her late husband.  And I hope that we will continue our chat in the way we expected when I last exchanged emails with her.

Sadly, my time in Honolulu will be too short.  But then, this is a problem in any visit to the Hawaiian islands.  There is never enough time to explore all of the islands, and never enough money to do the explorations right.

I can't trust my car

 

For the past few years, I have been having trouble with slow leaks coming from one wheel of my car.  Every so often, I'd have to run over to the air pump and inflate the tire to full capacity.  This has become quite annoying, and I think that there is a flaw in the rim that prevents the tire from getting a perfect seal. Sadly, the tire shop had to be told about one rim that had gotten mangled in the past (how it happened, I have no idea).  And that rim was banged back into shape.  So if it was this wheel that is having problems, I still may end up buying a new rim and installing the tire on it to see what happens.  Until I find out for sure, I'll have to be ready to find an air pump in the coldest of weather....

My car will be 10 years old next year, and I've been averaging a little over 20k miles/year on the car.  Little things need replacement, and the car is showing its wear and tear. Until things change at the dealerships, I'm going to try to avoid buying a replacement until 2024.  Hopefully, this will be a wise move.

I'm glad that RQS comes up to me more often than I go down to see her.  Yet, I know that I will need to start driving to see her soon, as it wouldn't be fair for her to do all the commuting.  Ideally, I'd have a small car to drive to her neighborhood and have a larger car to drive around here.  So I've started to limit how much driving I do, so that I can make this car last another year.  The last thing I need is to call AAA when I'm in female presentation, as all my ID is for my male presentation....

RQS and I will be missing each other

 

Normally, I feel good for a while after RQS leaves at the end of the weekend.  However, this would be the last time we will see each other for about 3 weeks.  I'll be flying out to Hawaii for 11 days, while she will be visiting family in the South for a long weekend.   

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As I write this post, I will likely have returned from my Hawaii trip.  So we will be in the run up to Xmas, where we will be seeing family and friends.  I still have to find another gift to buy her, and she appreciates my frugality in finding a gift that will both bring her happiness whenever she sees/uses it and is something she'd consider good value.

Today, we ended up doing a simple shopping trip to Walmart, followed by a visit to a home furnishings store to get small gifts for my niece & husband, and for my nephew.  All 3 got mugs, as they will be easy to pack for their return trips back home.  Then, it was off to the nearby T-Mobile store to check on whether my plan is the Magenta Max plan.  It wasn't, so the store employee graciously changed my plan to give me greater value for the same price. (I'll now get free Wi-Fi on airplanes due to a new T-Mobile promotion.)  

Once we were finally done with stores, it was off to get a bite to eat.  As much as I prefer Burger King to McDonald's, I might have chosen the latter because of the woman manning the counter.  She could not operate the cash register, nor could she count how much money to give me in change from a $20 bill.  I was a little annoyed, but realized that fast food joints are now scraping the bottom of the employment pool and this woman was typical of the prospective employees left in the employment pool.

After finishing our burgers, I dropped her off at the train station.  Neither of us wanted to separate from each other, and the shortness of this week's visit made our parting a little sadder than usual.  Hopefully, we will feel equally as uplifted when we are together again....

Packing for a trip is such a pain in the ass.

 

Over the past few days, I've been packing and unpacking then repacking for my upcoming cruise.  I have to be careful of what to take with me in my carry on bag, as well as worry about the weight limits for my checked bag.  Additionally, I have to be a little creative in what I consider to be my "personal item", as I will want to carry more than the airline would want me to carry into the cabin.

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The other day, I got an email regarding my in-flight snack/meal purchases, and I didn't respond quick enough.  As a result, I got locked out of buying what I wanted, as my favorite selections were already  sold out.  So, I'll have to pick up a bite to eat at the airport while waiting for my first flight, then hope that the snacks I bought will be enough for me as I fly from California to Hawaii.

It's been over a decade since I've flown.  And though I'm told that I shouldn't worry about things, I can't help but worry.  Will I get into trouble due to an issue with my ID?  Will I get hassled because I am gender non-conforming?  Who knows?  As they say, "in for a penny, in for a pound."  Most likely, I'm worried about too many little things.  But then, I am simply trying to be careful because this trip is expensive, and one I won't be able to do again.

Once I'm out in Hawaii, I have a decision to make.  A while back, my former therapist passed away. When I wrote to him, his (ex) wife answered my letter and said I should look her up when I get to Hawaii.  I think I will send her an email in the morning, saying that I should be out there in a few days, and mention when I will likely be available for dinner.

One thing I know, the posts I'll be making in regard to this trip should have some very interesting photos.  I expect that the recent volcano eruptions will provide for some great pictures....

I'm getting a little nervous

 

Ever since I decided to take my Hawaii cruise, I've said that I'm going to get "bombed" as soon as I am Honolulu.  (It's a bad Pearl Harbor joke.)  People who know me well know that I tend to drink with moderation, and often go for weeks without touching anything alcoholic.  Yet, on this trip, I have the beverage package - and intend to break even on what I'm paying for it.  (I'm only paying for the gratuities, so breaking even should be easy this trip.)

As my trip gets closer and closer, I'm finding so many little things to do beforehand.  Tonight, I was talking with RQS, and she said that I have a lot on my plate for the next few days.  For example, I would like to see Pat again before I leave.  Then I have to go to Mavis to have a slow leak looked at. To make things worse, I have a co-op board meeting the day before my trip.  And then, I must make sure that I have my boarding pass for the flights to Hawaii.

Even if I've done all the necessary things, I'm still worried about going through the security checkpoints at the airports.  Once through, I still have to think about having a bite to eat while traveling.  This afternoon, I received an email from the airline trying to get me to buy a snack and an alcoholic beverage before I board my flight.  Although I have no interest in drinking any booze, I will likely buy a snack or two on the flight.  This is far from the service one used to get on one airline in the golden age of air travel, as there are still people who raved about an occasional dish they were served on their international flights.

I'm not looking forward to sitting in a cramped seat for 12 hours.  But I only have to do this twice - once on the way out, and once on the way back.  Hopefully, the cruise/tour I'll be on is more than worth the headaches I'm dealing with now....

Volcanoes!

 

There are two areas of the world that I want to see that have active volcanoes: Hawaii and Iceland.  And I will be in Hawaii soon.  One of the excursions I have booked will take me to Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. However, I don't know if this excursion will take place, as the following message was posted on the park service's website:

HAWAII NATIONAL PARK, Hawaiʻi – Hawaiʻi Volcanoes National Park remains open following a new eruption on Mauna Loa volcano that began in the summit caldera late Sunday night, and migrated to the northeast rift zone Monday morning.

For everyone’s safety, the park closed Mauna Loa Road from the gate at Kīpukapuaulu Monday morning to vehicles. The summit, cabins and high-elevation areas of Mauna Loa have been closed since early October when the volcano began to show signs of unrest and increased seismicity. In addition, Mauna Loa Observatory Road, outside of the park, is also closed to the public.

The new eruption, which is the first time Mauna Loa has erupted since 1984, is expected to draw an influx of visitors to the park who hope to see a rare dual eruption from both Kīlauea and Mauna Loa volcanoes. Viewing areas along Kīlauea caldera before sunrise revealed a massive glow from Mauna Loa caldera, Mokuʻāweoweo (13,677 ft. elevation) and a smaller lava lake within Halemaʻumaʻu (4,009 ft.) at the summit of Kīlauea.

Neither eruption is threatening homes or infrastructure at this time. Kīlauea has been erupting since Sept. 29, 2021 with lava confined to the summit lava lake.

“Hawaiʻi Volcanoes National Park is keeping close watch on Mauna Loa in tandem with our colleagues at USGS and Hawaiʻi County Civil Defense,” said Hawaiʻi Volcanoes National Park Superintendent, Rhonda Loh. “The park is currently open, but visitors should be prepared and stay informed,” Loh said.

Visitors are urged to check the park website for closure updates, safety alerts, air quality and other information including links to the USGS Hawaiian Volcano Observatory webcams and eruption updates.  

The Federal Aviation Administration has enacted a Temporary Flight Restriction encompassing a five nautical mile radius around Mauna Loa summit and 5,000 above ground level. Approved emergency response flights are excepted.

If you were in my shoes, would you think that this excursion will be cancelled?  If so, what should I do, given that all the cruise line's excursions have already been booked to capacity?  One thing I know is that I will get some great photos as we sail along the coast of Kauai....

I think I've booked the last important stop on my Hawaii trip

The other day, I realized that I needed to get off my ass and find a place to kill time on my cruise's debarkation day before heading to the airport for an evening flight.  I looked at dayuse.com and could only find expensive options.  It'd cost me $200 for the best option available there.  So, I found another site, resortpass.com, and found a day room for half the price.  There is only one problem that I think I can manage - I'd have to check out of the room by 5 pm, and my flight wouldn't leave for another 5 hours.  Most hotels don't mind holding baggage for a few hours after one has checked out of a room, and I don't think I'll have trouble stashing my baggage for 2 hours while I go out for dinner.

To answer the unasked question: Why didn't I schedule an earlier flight home?  Well, most eastbound trips from Hawaii to the mainland which have Eastbound connections are scheduled late in the evening, so that those mainland connections can be made early in the morning.  This allows for people flying from Hawaii to the East coast to make it home by mid-afternoon instead of the middle of the night. But this causes a problem for most of us.  How do we kill time before our flights?  Thus, the need for day use rooms in Honolulu.

Given that I will be traveling in Marian Mode for this trip, I expect to deal with a few headaches on this trip.  For example, I may need to ask TSA for special screening, as my presentation will not match that on my legal id.  But, more importantly, I will need to deal with a 5 o'clock shadow before going to the airport for my return flight.  Thus, I will need the day use room for both a few extra hours of sleep and for a need to freshen up my face and makeup before my flights.

Luckily, I will be carrying some spare face masks I bought in the middle of the pandemic, and this will provide some cover towards the end of my long trip home.  Even then, I will be dead tired when I get home and will be glad to finally sleep in my own bed.

 

This will be my last weekend with RQS before my cruise.

 

 
Both RQS and I have been packing for trips.  As reported here, I have two bags going with me to Hawaii. RQS has two small bags going with her as she travels South to see her cousin.  I'm not going to say much about her trip here, save that her preparation is getting in the way of our time together.  😞

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It is normal for two people to spend time apart from each other.  After this weekend, we will be apart for the better part of 3 weeks - and I will miss her.  But there will likely be another period coming up where the 2 of us will be apart for just as long - assuming that I take a Panama Canal cruise as an excuse to see my 90 y/o uncle in California.

My uncle and I are not close.  Yet, he is my uncle, and he once gave me a gift more valuable than money - security in a stressful time.   Almost 27 years ago now, my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I was busy with several projects at work, and one of them was visible to the CEO of the bank I then worked for.  Bush #41 had just signed a bill that protected people who needed family leave to take care of sick relatives, but didn't provide financial help for those people doing so.  Without knowing that my uncle's checkbook was open to my needs, I might not have been able to play political hardball and threaten to leave in the middle of a politically sensitive project.  As a result of my uncle's actions, I was able to force my management to give me the resources I needed to get the project done and be able to take care of my wife's needs as well.

In a way, I want my uncle to know that I'll be there for him if needed.  He is going through a stressful time, and he has no family nearby to count on.  (Yes, he has friends that are as close as family, but that's another story.)  So I want to check in on him in 2023, as my brother did in 2022.  Hopefully, he will appreciate the visit....

It felt good getting back in a dress again

 

Normally, I will try to blend in and wear what cisgender women would wear in a similar situation.  Tonight, I decided to go to game night in one of my new dresses.  It's something I feel comfortable wearing in casual situations, as well as going out for a Thanksgiving dinner - Something I did with the Navy version of this dress.  

There is something about a dress that shouts femininity.  And I like that.  However, our society is becoming much less formal, and women's wear is gradually evolving to become more like men's wear, with minor differences to accentuate the female form.  As much as I am glad that women now have the choice whether to wear a dress or not, I am saddened by the subtle loss of femininity in what the average women wears now days.

I'm still not sure of what I'll be wearing when I go to Hawaii.  I need to be comfortable at all points along the way from Newark, NJ to Honolulu, HI, traveling from winter to summer in less than 24 hours.  Right now, I figure that I'll wear a dress with both a camisole and leggings underneath on the way to Hawaii, and strip off the extra clothing as soon as I land in Hawaii.  On the return trip, I may simply reverse the process, save that I might not bother with the camisole. Layers, Layers, and more Layers....

One thing I know about Hawaii - I expect to be in a dress all the time I'm there, save for the time I'm in a swimsuit....

I "won" the bid for an upgrade - just another expense among many.

When I booked my cruise/tour with  NCL, I wanted to spend as little money as I needed to spend for a "bucket list" trip.  In this case, I paid for a city view room to stay in when in town, and an inside cabin to stay in when on the ship.  Since there was an almost $2400 difference between the price of a balcony cabin and an inside cabin, I figured that the money I saved would more than pay for the shore excursions I planned to take.  So, when I received an offer to bid on a cabin upgrade, I figured that I'd bid as low as possible and hope that NCL would accept the bid.

Normally, getting an upgrade to a balcony cabin would be a bargain for $220 (total).  In my case, I knew enough to bid low, as the ship is sailing well below 100% capacity due to staffing issues.  Given the ship's layout, I figured that I would get a room near the pool or buffet - and I was right.  Since my upcoming Hawaii cruise is not one known for late night partying, I figured that having a "winning" bid and being assigned a cabin upgrade in a non-optimal area of the ship would be an acceptable trade off.  Only time will tell whether I was right or wrong on bidding for the upgrade. 

Right now, I am packing and unpacking things to find an optimal grouping of items in my carry-on and my larger suitcase.  So far, so good.  The one main compromise I've had to make is that I've put my swimsuit and swim forms in my large suitcase (which will be checked at the airport).  This means that if the bag gets lost in transit, I will not be able to go swimming until it is found.

The big issue I have is finding a day use hotel to rest at when the cruise ends, as I have a 12 hour wait from the time we leave the cruise ship to the time I need to be at the airport.  (Who wants to spend 12 hours at an airport doing nothing?)  So far, I've found several expensive options, and I figure that I'll call a few places directly to make sure I'm connecting to a real brick and mortar place.

Not to blame anyone, but it feels that every way I turn, I find that the logistics of this cruise keeps needing new cash infusions.  For the 3 days I am touring Honolulu, I will have to take care of my own meals.  And then, there will be the tips I pay on land and on the cruise.  Although I paid for a transfer from cruise ship to the airport, I will skip it to catch a cab to a day use hotel to sleep for a while.  Around 7 pm, I plan to leave the hotel, take a shuttle to the airport, and catch the "red eye" back home.  This hotel will likely cost me $200, plus the money for a cab from the pier to the hotel, and a cab to the airport.  

As I keep reminding myself, this is a bucket list trip - a very big item on that list.

 

Colonoscopy

 

Recently, I had to take a friend in for a colonoscopy.  It's not the most pleasant experience to have, but it is usually not the worst.  When I had mine, they found a couple of non-cancerous polyps which were removed by the surgeon.  My friend had a similar result.

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Normally, I don't get up until 9:00 am (or later).  Today, I had set my alarms to wake me up a little before 6:00 am, but I was still very tired from the lack of sleep the night before.  This was a major factor in me deciding to see my friend presenting as Mario.  I was out the door at 6:30, and arrived at her house 10 minutes early.  Although construction blocked the road I'd normally use to get from her house to the hospital, I was still able to get her to the hospital on time for her procedure.  And then, it was off to the local diner for breakfast and a mega dose of caffeine. 

Two and a half hours later, I received a call saying that my friend could be picked up at the main entrance.  I drove to the hospital, waited for 10 minutes, and my friend was free to have breakfast.  So, it was off to the diner, and I had decaf while my friend had breakfast.  Once I dropped her off at home, it was time for a nap - and I was out for the rest of the afternoon.

When I was last scheduled for a colonoscopy, the pandemic hit and I didn't have anyone to drive me to and from the hospital.  So, the appointment ended up not being scheduled.  Two and a half years later, I still haven't had the procedure done.  Sooner or later, I will need to have this procedure done.  But until then, I have other things to take care of first.

 

I had to buy some makeup today.

It's amazing how quickly I use up my containers of makeup.  I figure that I will buy two or three containers of Dermablend every year, while I buy three or four smaller containers of beard cover and of contouring makeup.  I don't bother to count how much setting powder and concealer sticks that I buy, as I easily make do with what I find in the stores.

Dermablend is not that popular a brand.  Yet, it is popular enough to have its own area in Ulta Beauty stores.  However, when I went to the new store in Hartsdale, no one knew where this makeup could be found.  Instead, I was directed to a different brand with a similar sounding name.  So I left the store, and had some falafel for dinner.

Once finished with dinner, I took a leisurely drive to Ulta's store in Dobbs Ferry, where I hoped that I'd have more success with their sales help.  When I found the makeup, I had to make a decision: Do I take a slightly different shade of makeup, or do I mail order the shade I really want.  Since the shade in stock works for me, I figured that a bird in the hand is better than one in the bush.  (Too bad that I didn't know that Dermablend's website was holding a 25% off sale.  But I digress.)  So, I bought the makeup, and took the roundabout way home.  (There was an accident blocking all Northbound lanes of the Saw Mill River Parkway, preventing me from using that route home.)  

I decided to make a quick stop at Trader Joe's to pick up some food.  As usual, I bought more than planned.  While checking out, the male cashier made some polite talk and said "Hope to see you tomorrow." Normally, I wouldn't think twice about this, save that he used the word "Tomorrow".  Could he be trying to send a subtle signal?  If so, he will be disappointed - both as Mario and as Marian, I prefer the company of women. And yet, I can take this as meaning that my feminine presentation is getting better than I might have thought.  What do you think?
 

 

Stone walls don't a prison make, nor iron bars a cage

As we age, we begin to see many of our friends enter assistive care facilities.  Sometimes, as in the case of XGFJ's mother, little assistance is needed to live a rewarding life.  In the case of my father, much more assistance was needed because my dad was no longer self ambulatory.  Like my father, some people prosper when in the right assistive care facility, as they can resume the socialization denied them by their former isolation.  But in the wrong facility, a social person can feel imprisoned.

When I visited Pat, I noticed how sterile and empty her new place seemed.  Save for the receptionist at the front desk, the place was devoid of people.  There was a small area to the right of the reception desk where kids could play, but I wondered - how many people are bringing very young kids to see their elders in nursing homes these days?  I rarely saw them when I visited my dad, and thought that this room was there more for show than anything else.

RQS and I walked to the elevator and got off on the 3rd floor. I was surprised at how quiet this place was.  Looking to my left, I saw another reception desk in front of us, this one being empty.  In another nursing home, or a hospital, it would be staffed by nurses in charge of patient care.  In this place, it looked like it was set up for a different kind of care facility, but left unused as it wasn't apparently needed to service the patients currently housed in this building. So, we walked down the aisle to Pat's room, knocked on the door, and were greeted warmly.

Pat and her daughter visited several care facilities before choosing this one.  It must have been heart wrenching for her to dispose of many of the things she accumulated over the years.  There was almost nothing from her old life present in the room.  The room was almost as sterile as the hall outside. And this said that this room was not "Home" for Pat.  It was simply a place to stay.

Unlike my dad's nursing home, Pat's place didn't seem to have the on-site services that my dad's place had.  For a place doing some of its business as a memory care center, I found it amazing how few safeguards were there to keep memory care patients from wandering off site.  People like Pat were tasked to find their own transportation to off-site doctors - and possibly get dropped off at the wrong sites with no one to help them get where they need to go.  Yet, they are prohibited from leaving the facility's grounds - even for a healthy walk.  Go figure.

The economics of nursing homes in the United States appalls me.  Like our prisons, many are places which have evolved to warehouse people who have no economic value to the larger society.  (I will not go into prison economics here, save that the "for profit" sector has very little incentive to treat inmates with the full respect that most humans deserve - something it has in common with nursing homes.)  As America ages, "for profit" nursing homes have sprung up, many with the goal of raking in as many Medicare dollars as is possible.  Service quality is not a major factor.  If it was, I'd see more evidence of "enrichment activities" than I did in Pat's facility.

Pat noted several things I won't mention here.  Let's say that one has to take what she said with a grain of salt - even if what she said rang true in my ears.  Without people to socialize with, Pat is now a lonely person with few ways of dealing with her feelings. In short, this place is a prison for her, a cage without bars.

 

We get old and don't see it happening

The other day, I reached out to my friend Pat, the former hypnotist, to see how she is doing.  And I found that she had moved out of her apartment in Lower Westchester county, and moved to an assisted care facility on the other side of the Hudson.  This news didn't surprise me too much, as Pat is 80 years old and was having trouble taking care of herself.  But what did surprise me was that she was having memory issues that made this home a better place for her to spend her final days.

I've known Pat for over 2 decades, and we have had many an interesting conversation in those years. So RQS and I decided to go across the river and meet Pat in her new digs.  Would they be nice?  Or, would they be a hell hole?  Would this be a place in which one could be happy in one's later years?  Who knows?  But this would all come out when we saw Pat.

Years ago, I dated a woman named Eileen who lived in the area where Pat's nursing home now is.  I'm now very familiar with the area, and suggested to RQS that we'd eat at a place 5 minutes away from the home.  This would allow us to get to Pat's place at 7 pm, and be able to take advantage of an excuse to leave - we were going to see a movie nearby, and needed to be there by 7:45.  I had chosen a Mexican place I had eaten at with MWL, but it had failed in the year since I went there last.  So, it was off to El Bandido for some Mexican grub.  The Bandit is an old standby, and it has been around since I dated Eileen many years ago. I knew the food would be good, and RQS agreed with me after we finished our Enchiladas.

Once done with our food, it was off to Pat's place.  The place looked both sterile and empty, and the only person other than Pat that we saw was the receptionist at the front door.  Once we knew where Pat's room was, it was off to her wing to see her.  It took a while for Pat to answer the door - there is only one person there with whom that she feels comfortable socializing.  And then, it was like "homecoming day."

All too soon, it was time to leave.  But RQS and I knew that we had a new thing to do - keep tabs on Pat for her daughter.  No one else will do it, so guess who had to step forward....

 

And now, we've booked another cruise

RQS has the cruising bug!  Ever since we went on our first cruise, she can't seem to get enough of cruising to new ports and exploring.

As of today, we are booked on an NCL cruise that will take us to Bermuda and back.  One of the problems with a typical Bermuda cruise is that there is not enough time on the island to explore and get a feel for the place.  Our cruise will give us that time, and we will still be able to skip unwanted ports such as Port Canaveral.

The two of us have similar tastes, and it's nice to have a travel companion with whom I can explore the world together.  I've noted that if I were to come into a significant sum of money, that I'd book a bucket list cruise for the two of us.  But that is a way off.  And then, how would I present on the cruise?  All of my ID says "Mario", when I want to do much of my traveling as "Marian".  So I'd be limited in where I could go, as most places are not trans-friendly.

So, I do my research in where we can go, and save my memories of a place to determine whether I can travel there as Marian in the future.  Not all of my travels will be on cruise ships.  But you can guess that a lot of them will be, as this is an inexpensive way to enjoy a vacation.

 

I'm thankful to have RQS in my life

 

My dining area hasn't looked like this in a while.  It now looks worse, but is getting better - with the help of RQS.  When we started cleaning up my apartment, things were much worse.  This table had become a dumping ground for things I hadn't gotten around to sorting out.  Now, with another hour or two of clean-up work, my table will look like it's ready for dinner.  And that's a miracle!

In the past 2 ½ years, this table has gone between clean enough for a cleaning lady to work on to a mess that would scare her away from the apartment.  And when we're done here, I start things with the cleaning lady, then start work on RQS's place.  She has even more stuff to prune than I did.  And it will be just as challenging task for her as my cleanup was for me.

As I've said in previous posts, I find it amazing how well we get along together.  I never dreamed that I would find someone comfortable with my transgender nature - and I found that person.  This is something I am very thankful for at this time of year....