Christmas Eve started with an unwanted conversation.

I knew today was going to be a little strange from the moment I checked my first emails.  There was a message from a friend telling me that our links on social media were being severed.  Without any explanation, it felt like a slap in the face.  Did I do something wrong?

- - - - - -

We've all had to learn our way around social media.  Although I won't go into any of the "Who, What, Which, Where, When, of How" of it, I can say that the email conversation that followed from the earlier message made me feel a little better - the issues were on the friend's side and not mine. But what if a person just dropped a bombshell like this on you and gave you no clue in follow up conversation.  How would you feel?

Our children are confronted with this and other social media issues every day.  Social media is used and abused.  It is both a news source about our friends and about the world as a whole.  And there is a lot of misinformation being spread which is meant to hurt people.  Due to the nature of tools like Facebook, slander can be spread instantaneously without the person being slandered having a clue to what is happening. There is even less time than before for a person to mount a defense.  Not having children, I can only imagine what they are dealing with these days.

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By 9:00 am, I had fully awakened due to the above mentioned conversation, and I had the pleasure of watching an episode of Perry Mason that I've been waiting a while to see.

Years ago, Raymond Burr was out from work on Perry Mason, and had several guest stars (as guest lawyers) taking on cases with the typical Perry Mason style.  Today's rerun, "The Case of Constant Doyle" guest starred Bette Davis, and she filled in the role perfectly.  If this wasn't Burr's series, I'd have thought it was Davis's series.  She was that good in her role. And it made me wish that the network could have done a spinoff series starring Bette Davis.  Sadly, few movie stars at the time considered TV acting as a craft as respectable as acting on stage or in the movies.  So we only have that one instance of Bette Davis in her prime doing what she does best on TV - being a strong, confident woman who could not be pushed around by anyone.

- - - - - -

Now back to the Christmas season....

One of the blogs I read discussed the masculine difference in Christmas Shopping:

1. Men get less satisfaction out of gift buying
2. Men don’t want to buy the gifts that women want to receive 
3. The thought of buying and receiving presents makes us anxious 
4. Gift buying isn’t men’s way of expressing love 
5. Men love the challenge of a one-day hunt (my favorite)

In regard to gift buying, I am much more like the typical male than the typical female.  I get little satisfaction about gift buying. Yet, I want to buy the type of gift that a person wants to receive. The thought of buying gifts makes me anxious, as I don't to get it wrong.  And it certainly isn't my way of expressing love.  Unlike the typical man, I don't relish the challenge of a one day hunt - I prefer to have my shopping done days or weeks in advance.

Shopping for GFJ this season posed me some interesting issues.  How do I send the right signals with my gifts?  I have to get her size right if I'm buying clothing, yet I can't buy anything that would not be her style.  Luckily, I knew GFJ's size range, so I was able to buy her a sweater that would fit (and if not, was from a store "semi convenient" to her).  The other gifts were easier for me, as I had ideas of what she could use and something that others had advised me to give her.

But if you think GFJ was an issue, what about my brother and his wife?   I was constrained by the requirement not to spend too much on him (we only exchange inexpensive gifts) and something that could be used by both my brother and his wife (I didn't want to give anything that would be too personal, as they are currently having problems with their marriage.) So I ended up giving them a popcorn maker.

- - - - - -

Lately, when I get a text from JS, one of the first things she wants to know is have I been able to fix things with GFJ.  (She doesn't know that GFJ is a female.  But that's another story that I've mentioned in my prior blog.)  And I've had to deflect these questions.  My big question is: Why is my romantic relationship so important?  But then, JS would like for me to help her write a personal ad for her.  There are several reasons that she could be looking for a man.  First is romance.  Second is a financial security blanket.  If she's open about herself and her issues, I have no problem helping her.  But if she's looking for a sugar daddy to take care of her (due to her own weak financial resources), then I have some reservations.

This got me thinking of my former travel partner.  She had cravings for companionship which bordered on addiction.  She'd put up with a man who'd mistreat her, instead of waiting (possibly in vain) for someone who'd treat her with love in the way she deserves.

- - - - - -


Since I'm writing this on Christmas Eve, I don't want to end this post on a down note.  Instead, I'd rather wish my readers a happy and prosperous time in the new year.




Happy New Year!!!!!



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A pre-holiday night out with the Fun Time Friends

As I write this, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I couldn't help but think that I should rework the opening to Clement Clark Moore's famous poem as follows:

'Twas the second night before Christmas,
And through the Ale House,
Many creatures were stirring,
Including a spouse (or two).

I'll bet that the poet would be aghast if he could see what I've done to the poem.  But it fits the main theme of the day - a pre-holiday visit to the Orange Ale House to share a few drinks with the FTF meetup group, and enjoy some free bar food.

- - - - - -

The day opened with me noticing something about a meetup I signed up for.  I had planned to get together with a new group (for me) and found out that GFJ had just signed up for the same wait list. Since GFJ and I had an agreement that I would not show up as Marian at a meetup she would be attending, I promptly took my name off the wait list.  Later on, I sent a message to GFJ about this, and didn't have the chance to talk about this because her kids were in for the holiday.  (The last thing she needs is for them to find about me being both Mario and Marian.)  So we will probably need to develop new guidelines for meetups that we are both interested in. 

Around 2:00, I started to get ready to go to the Fun Time Friends meetup in Orange, CT.  I had figured that I'd get there a little early, and then boogie over to Catherine's for some last minute pre-holiday browsing.  That was not to happen as planned.  I left Croton at 3:00, and it took the better part of 2 hours to make it to the meetup on time.  While driving, I chatted with GFJ.  But one of her sons was nearby, so I couldn't chat about the topic I wanted to talk about.  So we chatted about some meaningless pleasantries and I wished her the best for her next couple of days in Connecticut with her family.

When I arrived at the meetup, I was the first person there.  Luckily, I met another meetup member and we shared the far end of the table in the picture above.  It was too noisy to have a meaningful conversation. But we tried to do so as the regular meetup gang ambled in. Eventually, I got the chance to chat with the Meetup organizer for a minute or two.  Yet, the noise level in the place got to me.  So I decided to leave around 6:30 and go home.

The drive home was uneventful.  However, the two beers and the bar food started to induce a little drowsiness in me.  The last thing I wanted to do was have an accident.  So I stopped for a while to spike my energy level in order to make it home safely.  And once I made it home, I crashed on my bed for a few hours before starting this entry.

I went shopping the other day.

No matter what happens between GFJ and I, I figured that I'd play it safe and buy her a Christmas present.  Shopping to buy her a gift is the one type of lie I will tell her.  But if things go totally sour, I can always exchange the sweater for one in my size.  (That is one advantage of being transgender - I am familiar with the offerings in stores that cater to women, and know when something good is on sale at a reasonable price.)

A common complaint among many plus size cisgender women is they have nowhere to shop for clothes in person.  Dress Barn is closing (at the time I'm writing this) by the end of the year. The Avenue stores have all closed down, though there is still an on-line presence for that store.  That leaves a diminished version of Catherines selling clothing staples, and Lane Bryant selling more trendy clothing targeted to the younger plus sized woman.  While at the store, one of the salesladies mentioned some of the complaints (not at Catherine's) that former Avenue shoppers have, now that that chain has closed up shop.  These women feel that they have nowhere to shop anymore.

In that conversation with the saleslady, she mentioned that she liked the coat I was wearing, and that she wished that her store carried such merchandise. Although the store was filled with coats, none of them had the look of the classic wool coat.  She complained that district management had no idea of what customers wanted in the stores, and that no one listens to what is going on where it counts - in the stores.  I'm afraid that if this company keeps ignoring its front line, that it will end up just like the Avenue.  And that'll be a damned shame.

As it stands, I have a large enough supply of women's clothes to last me for a while (in my present size).  Hopefully, the owners of Catherine's and Lane Bryant will figure out how to make more money from their stores and keep more of them open....

Posted on a nearby Door

Sometime within the past couple of years, one of my neighbors vacated her apartment (supposedly) to live with her boyfriend.  Neighbor A had a contract to sell the apartment to Neighbor B, but things fell through, most likely due to Neighbor A's upcoming bankruptcy filing. Since bankruptcy is a matter of public record, I feel safe mentioning this issue, as long as I don't identify the former neighbors involved.

Around the time of the aborted sale, Neighbor B moved into Neighbor A's old apartment, and no one gave it any thought.  Several months later, we found out that the sale fell through, and told Neighbor B to move out - which they did.  (It's amazing that a family who could afford to buy an apartment here could fit all their belongings into a single pick up truck and move out in one day!)  The apartment sat empty for a while, and we recently found out that it was being put up for auction. (Again, another public record allows me to mention this event.)

The other day, I saw the above notice posted on Neighbor A's former door.  It appears that the mortgage company may have purchased the apartment at auction, and is preparing to sell it.  (Or, it may have already have been sold, and this notice is used to tell possible residents that they may have to leave soon.)  One way or another, it looks like we'll have new neighbors soon.  Let's hope that the new neighbors are better than the old ones....

Sometimes, I'm stuck in the "wrong" presentation

Last night, my brother returned from England, and didn't text me to let me know he got in. He and his two adult children were doing a little sightseeing while visiting my niece's future in-laws.  I'm jealous of them.  But I'll eventually have the chance to visit my niece and her future husband in their new home.  So I have something to look forward to.  Until then, I'm just an afterthought for my brother and his family.  But more on that later....


Today is my dad's birthday.  That means I will need to be in my male presentation when I go to Long Island.  Because of this scheduling requirement, I was sure to schedule my annual physical for the same day, so that I wouldn't need to change from Marian to Mario. And this meant that I had to be ready to start my day early, then not know exactly when I'd be expected to be at my brother's place.

- - - - - -

The first thing I had to do was to go to the doctor.  And I arrived at his office at the same time as the doctor.  Since this was my yearly physical, he had a few more questions to ask of me, and suggested that I get my eyes checked and to schedule a colonoscopy.  Even though it is less than an hour after I left the office as I write this, I already forgot what I should be asking for with my eyes.  (I can ask the doc about that again when I see him in a month.)  But I'll have to see if the doc who performed my last colonoscopy is covered under my insurance and whether his assistant staff is also covered.  Otherwise, I will need to ask my internist for other recommendations of people who may be on my insurance plan.

When I got out of the doc's office, I got a call back after picking up breakfast - they forgot to ask for a urine sample.  So back to the office I went for 5 minutes, and then onto the house to rest.  Looking at the phone, my brother finally acknowledged my messages, telling me that he is back from England.  Unfortunately, he hadn't yet figured out what he plans to with my dad for his birthday.  So it meant that I would have to be ready for anything.  And I found out that my brother was going in to work today, then do something tomorrow.  As for me, I decided to drive to Long Island to see my dad in the daytime.

- - - - - -

It took me over 2 hours to reach my dad.  Traffic was much worse than usual, and I hit all the traffic jams that I could have expected and more.  But I made it there a little bit before my brother, and by 6 pm, we were on our way to the Japanese buffet to enjoy dinner.  Luckily, my sister in law did not join us, as she had a "meeting" to go to tonight. So the 4 of us felt free to each have a beer and to relax over a leisurely dinner.

Towards the end of the evening, my brother started showing photos of the family trip to England, and I started getting bored.  Yet, I didn't want the evening to end.  There are not that many family gatherings left in my dad's life, and I want to be there for as many as possible.

- - - - - -

Around 8:30-9:00 or so, we brought my dad back to the nursing home, and I started my drive back to my apartment. Shortly before I got home, GFJ returned my call and we chatted for a few minutes.  It appears that she will also be busy during the holiday season, so this will be the second straight holiday with us not being together.  Although I will make New Year's Eve open for her if she wants to be together, I have plans in mind if she were to make it a third holiday of being apart.  At that point, unless I am misinterpreting things, she will have sent a signal without saying anything definite....   Such is life.

Lunch and Gaming

Although I snapped this photo last week, it could have easily been taken tonight.  Other than the cold, the weather would have been perfect to visit the city.  As for me, I spent most of the day in the Northern Suburbs, then drove to Yonkers to play games this evening.

- - - - - -

It's been a while since I've seen SWD, and we agreed to meet at the Thai restaurant in Beacon.  Sometimes when we meet, lunch is short.  But today, we spent 3 hours gabbing at the restaurant.  We talked about many things: her husband (nothing negative), her family (typical issues, but mostly pride in her sons), a touch of politics (we are on the opposite sides of the political debate, but can talk civilly about things), and issues with my family (I still wonder what it will be like when we celebrate my dad's birthday).  It's amazing how much one can find to talk about when one is ready, willing and able to listen to someone.

Around 3 pm, I took off for the LGBT Center to do a volunteer stint.  By the time I got near the Croton reservoir, I veered off the Taconic for a bio break before continuing my southbound journey. By the time I made it to the center, it was 5 pm - not much time to do anything useful.  Yet there was enough for me to get 90 minutes of useful time in.  But my real reason for going there today was simple - I didn't want to commit to being there on Monday, and I wanted to stop by and wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  I also wanted to say hello, in case I don't get the chance to say "goodbye" for a while when working for the census bureau.

A little before 7, I started my drive over to game night, and arrived in time for the first of several games.  The 2 children enjoyed the presents I gave them. And I was surprised to receive a couple of my own.  Even though I may have had the option to meet GFJ tonight (mentioned by her early in the week), I felt that I had an obligation to these kids.  Auntie Marian went out of her way to buy them gifts, and it was important that they get these gifts before Christmas.  (Unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to chat with GFJ today, as she called while I was in the middle of my volunteer work.  I wanted to call her back before her meetup, but it met 30 minutes earlier than I expected.)

- - - - - -

Tomorrow, I'll be going to my doctor for my annual physical.  And then, I'll be driving to Long Island to see my family.  Hopefully, there will be no negative developments in either area....

Today was to be my last day doing a volunteer stint

Over the past year or two, I've been an irregular volunteer for both of the places for which I help out.  My weekend schedule had gotten in the way of me attending many Arts Westchester events. And my declining interest got in the way of helping out at the LGBT Center.  I needed something to motivate me to get up and out on a daily basis, and that involved both a sense of purpose and a desire to earn money. 

Since it looks like I'll soon be working at the Census bureau, I doubt that I will have any free time to do any volunteering for a while.  And this is just as well - I needed a break from my old routine, as I was getting more and more inclined to stay indoors all day.  This is not a healthy thing to do, as evidenced by my dad's former home life before moving into the nursing home.

- - - - - -

By the time I got moving, it was late in the afternoon, and I didn't have the time to do a volunteer stint AND make it to the Fun Time Friends meetup in Wilton, CT.  So I sent an email to the LGBT Center's volunteer coordinator to tell him that I'd either be in tomorrow or on Monday.

When I finally made it out of the house, it was a bit late for me to make it on time.  There was no way that I was going to take Route 95 from here, as rush hour traffic would slow things to a crawl.  Instead, I took the roads to the venue and made it to dinner only a few minutes late. 

Arriving at the venue, I sat down next to the organizer and we had a great time.  There was one woman there who could have been my sister, and she recognized me as well.  This is a very friendly bunch of people - possibly more so than the folks in Beacon.  (Just don't tell the Beacon folks that....)  While chatting with the organizer, I found that she had an interest in visiting Chinatown in the Spring.  So I suggested we do so when it's convenient for her - and we may do that when the weather gets warmer.  I could use as many friends as possible who know me as Marian, and not as Mario.  It would be nice to add a "sane" friend to my address book.

- - - - - -

Earlier in the day, GFJ called me on her way home from Baltimore.  While on the call, she had to hang up, telling me to call back when I was on the road to the meetup.  I did just that, and didn't get an answer.  Could the problem have been to a nationwide problem with Verizon Wireless?  Who knows?  When I tried to reach her on the way home from my meetup, there was also no answer for me.  Since Facebook Messenger shows her as inactive, all I can think is that she has a problem with her phone connecting to the outside world.  Hopefully, she made it to her meetup OK....