The days are counting down until my next trip

 

Soon, RQS and I will be on another cruise.  It'll be a short 7-day trip to Bermuda and back.  It's my first time in Bermuda, and I'm looking forward to the experience.

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During the reopening of post-covid travel, one of my pen pals took a pair of back to back cruises from New York to Bermuda, and loved them.  Now, it's our turn to travel there. And we're still trying to figure out what we'll do when we get there.

One of the places I want to see are the Crystal Caves.  Given the length of time we'll be in Bermuda, we plan to take public transit to reach the caves, as we've been told that the bus/ferry system is very safe and convenient.  The only catch is that public transit ends around 5 pm.  So, this led us to plan on staying near the Royal Naval Dockyard on our last day there, as we won't have to worry about getting back to the ship on time. And on our second day, we might explore their capital, Hamilton.

Although we will be on a big ship (not the one pictured above), there's a part of me that hopes that I can get RQS on a smaller ship next time, so that she can experience the more personal service offered on this class of ship.  The way things are going, it might be when I decide to go to Hawaii again.  And then, it will be as Marian, and not as Mario.

Tapas

As I understand things, Spanish style Tapas are supposed to look like the dishes above.  Last night, we went to a restaurant that claimed to serve tapas, but served (what at best) could be called American style appetizers) - and we enjoyed the meal.

But first....

This was not going to be a day out as Marian, as I had to carry a couple of heavy donation bags to my car to be dropped off at Green Drop and didn't leave myself much time to do so.  Once I took care of this effort (which wasn't too much of an effort at all), we went back home to take care of laundry before going out again.

NoMa Social is a Tapas restaurant located in a hotel with the same name.  It's in the old Radisson space in New Rochelle, NY, and primarily serves the people staying at the hotel.  In a bid to gain more local business, they partnered with Groupon.com to sell 50% off coupons that could be used for meals.  Since our coupon would expire soon (given our busy November/December schedule), we decided to use it now.  (My doctor would scold me, if he knew how many rich meals I'd be eating in a two week period. But I digress....)  So, it was off to New Rochelle, where we found NoMa with the help from Google Maps.

The restaurant part of the hotel is located to the side of the hotel's entrance.  It is bright, minimalist in appearance, where the bar is the center of attention.  Most of the place is a contrast of white and black, with animated deep sea images being projected on the full width and height of the wall.  We were told to sit down where we pleased, and our waitress arrived shortly afterwards.  We ordered the special for $68, which included a pitcher of sangria, with five dishes of our choice.  We chose the following dishes: Crispy Pork Belly, Fried Chicken Dumplings, Tacos (Shrimp, Chorizo, and Beef), Calamari, and Buffalo Wings.  Although none of these dishes were out of this world tasty, they were filling and left us with a feeling that we will return again if we're in the neighborhood.

Why did I feel like talking about a restaurant today, instead of talking more about my bi-gendered life?

Well, the answer is that most of us TG people live mundane lives.  Being TG is not the focus of our lives.  But most importantly, Restaurant Six (that RQS, Vicki and I went to the other night) didn't even have the courtesy to even apologize after receiving a harsh (but polite) complaint email. (See yesterday's post for more info.)  I simply wanted talk about having pleasure eating out for a change, and had the opportunity to do so.

We had high expectations of a restaurant, and they failed us.

 

Hudson Valley Restaurant Week came, and we decided to have an elegant dinner at Restaurant Six.  Years ago, Vicki was married here (in the restaurant's prior incarnation), and it would be our first time back in its new incarnation.  Sadly, we were less than underwhelmed by the experience, and I found that I had to write a complaint letter before I could get to sleep.

But first....

As usual, RQS and I relaxed throughout the day until the bug took us, and we started to clean up my closet, making room for homeless accessories I own.  Several pairs of shoes found their way to a donation bag, and I gained a better organized closet.  And then we started to get ready for dinner.  

Around 5:15 pm, we left my apartment and drove to Vicki's house.  She was surprised that I was there on time (I am usually a few minutes late), and we were off to the restaurant.  I had allocated much more time than needed to reach the restaurant, as I planned to avoid taking the Taconic parkway (the most direct way) to the restaurant for safety purposes.  (I don't like driving on the stretch of road in Putnam county, as people drive at high speed on a road that has no shoulders, and has steep inclines on a curving roadbed.)  However, I decided to drive this road, as the sun was still out, and we arrived at the restaurant about an hour early.  So, we killed time by driving around for 30 minutes, and went back to the restaurant hoping to be seated early - which we were.

Instead of  repeating what I said in my complaint letter, I have to say that I wished we went somewhere else to eat, and Vicki could see that by how my conversation style differed from my usual style.  Eventually, we left the place, and I drove home on the side roads I planned to take on the way up to the restaurant.  We dropped Vicki off, and then returned home.  And that's when I decided to write my complaint letter.

Hopefully, they will fix things after reading this email.....

To the management of Restaurant Six:

This weekend, my group had the experience of dining at your establishment.  We had high expectations of your restaurant based on its reputation. Arriving early, we were seated quickly without having to wait. Although we were impressed with the ambiance and the quality of the food, we were very disappointed for the following reasons:

1. Service was very slow.
2. No napkins were on the table.  None of your staff noticed this even after bread and water were delivered to the table, and we had to ask for napkins .
3. The time lapse between the serving of the appetizers and the delivery of our main courses was over 40 minutes.  After we finished our appetizers, no one cleaned up the dirty dishes on our table until one of our party asked about what happened to our main courses - and only then were the dirty dishes taken away.  Shortly after the table was cleaned, the main courses magically appeared.
4. There was a noticeable lull in service compared to what was being received by other tables in the room.  
5. At one point during the meal, we had an interaction with one of the wait staff, and he commented: "This is my first and last day working at this place."
6. When my dessert was delivered to the table, it was not delivered with the spoon needed to consume it.  I had to ask for this.
7. No one asked whether we would want coffee or tea at the end of the meal.
8. The service was inconsistent at best.  At the beginning, the wait staff engaged readily in conversation, describing the dishes with enthusiasm.  Then, they disappeared and dropped the ball. After we asked about our main course, and it was delivered, no one bothered to apologize for the delay.

As much as I would love to come back because of the ambiance and the food, I am soured on the idea of returning due to the spotty service your staff provided.  My dining partners share the same opinion, and were very disappointed because there are many fine dining establishments in the Hudson Valley, and we expected to add this place to our list.

For auld acquaintance be forgot....

 

In a way, this post is a birthday card to a former friend, and commentary on peaceful communications that have taken place over the past few months.....

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I have mentioned my former cruise partner in many a post, and wish we had found a way to bridge the gulf between us. Sadly, this did not happen.  A few months ago, she wrote me an email to say that she was glad that I have a solid relationship with RQS.  In the past week or so, she wrote me in regard to weight loss.  No, I don't think it's an attempt to rekindle a friendship.  To do that, she'd have to send me an email and suggest getting together over coffee (or something similar). But I do appreciate the communication, and wanted to wish her a Happy Birthday today, as I know that she reads this blog now and then.

There are friends of mine that I haven't seen in years.  One of which was the best man at my wedding. What I found interesting was that before he encamped to Florida a decade ago, he gifted me a top of the line, fully loaded iPad which I still use today.  Yet, he makes no effort to initiate contact with me.  Until recently, I didn't even have a phone number for him.  Still, I miss him very much.

Other friends are the types who are transitional in nature.  One of these friends (JS) was a woman who was very needy and destroyed her security for the sake of her children.  She had virtually no home equity when I met her, and she didn't have a good plan for her retirement.  Before she encamped to Florida, she had taken a job as a principal of a girl's school in Coney Island while living in Ridgefield, CT.  It was an unsustainable commute for her, and one which was destroying her health and her car's life.  Even her (then) financial advisor had to "read her the riot act" to get this woman's attention, and still, she didn't listen.  She now lives in Florida, is caught up in the MAGA cult, and is oblivious to reality.  I mention her, simply because she was a catalyst for trouble, and whoever tried to help her ended up having to abandon her because of her self destructive actions.

It is much harder to develop closeness as one gets older.  And I have lost several close friends over the years, friends I once could call on (when needed) for favors.  Some of my current friends will do these favors for me (such as driving me to/from a colonoscopy, etc.), but only if it works with their schedules.  It's not the same as when I was married, and could count on my wife to be there for me.  (I still miss her after 27 years.) But I've made do, by searching for a new love and finding one in RQS.  It's just a damned shame that she can't drive.  Yet, nobody's perfect.

As I get older, the more I realize that real wealth is the quality of friendships that one has.  And I am very grateful for the ones who are in my life....

Sometimes, you find stuff you weren't looking for.

 

It's been a little under 27 years since my late wife passed, and things related to her life still pop up now and then.  Today, I stumbled across some items related to her life and our life that I didn't expect to see. First came baby pictures of my wife in a small book related to her early life.  Then, I found our wedding certificate near the book.  It doesn't mean much, save that it is a reminder that she was an important part of my life.

Soon, it will be the 27th anniversary of my wife's death.  I was very lucky to have had her in my life when I did, and I cherish the memories of that time.  Yes, she did know that I liked wearing women's clothes (I didn't know what being transgender was) and accepted this on all but our wedding night.  But I'll always wonder, that had she survived, would she have accepted me for who and what I am?

While cleaning up the apartment, I also found something I wasn't looking for - some costume jewelry that I liked to wear, that usually hung on the knobs of a dresser near my computer desk. When the electricians were here in August, I had to move the dressers, so that they would be able to get at the electrical outlets behind them.  So, I put everything into a bag, and stuffed it into the mess sitting on a chest near the foot of my bed.

At this point, cleanup was a big "might as well" task, and I started to empty out one of my dresser drawers, so that I had a place to stash some of the mess on top of my desk. And I realized that I could start another donation bag for charity.  There were 6 sweaters in that drawer, and 3 of them went into the donation bag.  Now, I had a place where I could put my leggings, so that I knew where they were.

In the end, I still had a mess, but I was making progress towards getting this place in shape....

Catching up with friends (Or, at least one of them)

The above is an old picture of me with a meetup group that no longer exists.  Although I made some friends due to being in this group, by the time Covid-19 hit, we had all gone our separate ways.  Yet, the pandemic resulted in me developing new friendships, with whom I was in contact today....

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My first task of the day was to get shaved, showered, made up, and dressed to see my friend SJM formerly of the imaging firm.  Setting a meeting time for 12:30 pm worked out well for both of us, as we both got to the restaurant on time. The two of us had a lot to talk about, and SJM noted that I had just as much chaos going on in my life as she had in hers.  I covered the headaches in regard to my GI Tract, the loss of my backpack and wallet, along with the struggles I had to deal with along the way.  Other than to say that she was very happy to talk about her husband's improving health, I won't say much about what she said to me.

After lunch, I returned hope, and opened up two boxes I received from Amazon.  One contained a replacement backpack and a selfie stick, while the other contained a Bluetooth mouse and some USB-C cables.  Setting up the mouse with the Chromebook was a breeze, and it was worth $10 to both free up the USB-A port on the Chromebook and to never need to worry about having a battery handy to use the mouse.

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Evening was coming and I had a Zoom meeting scheduled with RQS, STX, and JTX.  (This was the only reason that I didn't take off my makeup or breast forms when I got home earlier.) So, I set an Alexa alarm to alert me to be ready for the Zoom, and proceeded to take a short nap.  Two hours later, I checked my computer and my Texas friends had both bailed out for the night, as they were too tired.  So, I rescheduled things and had a face to face with RQS over Zoom.

Hopefully, we'll get to have a good Zoom in two weeks....

Often, being Transgender is very mundane.

 

There are many trans people who get lost in the pink fog, and rush into things needlessly.  Yes, they have new found freedom in being able to express their authentic selves.  But they often forget that the real world usually doesn't care whether a person is trans or not.  As a result, many things slip while a trans person explores her/his new place in the world.  Eventually, the trans person and reality have to get back in sync with each other, and the mundane things in life take over.  This is not a bad thing.  A successful transition will enable one to experience the mundane as one's authentic self.

As my loyal readers will note, many of the entries I've posted in this blog are not those where going out in the world is a novel experience, as they were in my previous blog.  Instead, my current entries are those which deal with the issues I face in life - either as a male or female.  Many of them have unusual twists, such as my travels while presenting as a female and carrying male ID.  Yet, I try to say things that might be of interest to the trans person just coming out.  It takes a lot of courage for many trans people to out themselves.  And for many, they are unable to be completely out because of their real life commitments.  For example, one trans woman I know is a doctor whose wife accepts her presenting as a female, as long as she doesn't go 24x7. (There are issues with both her career and her family that get in the way of being out to the world.)  Another trans woman I know outed herself, and lost contact with many in her family. Trans people often lose family, friends and careers in order to be their authentic selves, so I encourage trans people considering outing themselves to think things through and be careful when they do so.

At my stage of being trans, I exist in a happy medium.  Since I am not very gender dysphoric, I can live in either gender as needed.  But I must revert to being Marian for my sanity.  I am comfortable staying at this point in the transition process for romance, unlike many trans folk. And in this way, I am lucky, as I have someone who accepts me for who and what I am now.  Others are not so lucky.  Recently, I found out that one trans woman I know reverted to her male identity for romance,  and has recently returned to a female identity.  (Did romance influence either or both changes?)   

One thing I wish I could change more effectively is my voice - it is still picked up as being male on the phone.  And this is something that many M2F trans people have to deal with.  A trans acquaintance of mine had surgery to raise the pitch of her voice. But she is still perceived as a male over the phone, as her speech patterns still have a masculine imprint.  It takes a lot of work to develop female vocal mannerisms, but it doesn't get in the way for most of us in our lives.

So now, we end up dealing with the mundane.  I still have to pay my bills throughout the month.  I still have doctors' appointments for our ailments (as I will have a week from today for a GI Tract issue).  And I still need to take care of the everyday tasks of life, such as laundry.  Most of the time, a trans person's life will be mundane, as other than our gender dysphoria, we are living everyday lives.  Even when something "exciting" happens (such as having a wallet stolen in Chicago), I do what I would be doing as if I were simply a cisgender person, and am treated the same as if I were just a cisgender person.  The only difference is that I have to be on the watch out for people who hate trans people because we don't fit into their view of the world.  And that's a small price I pay for being my authentic self.....