Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts

Saturday, May 14, 2022

Back to work

 

Now that I've been to DC and back, it was time for me to go back to work.  AARGH! 

- - - - - -

Most of my readers know that I have one of the most boring jobs around.  Today, I started the day by almost forgetting my wallet at home.  When I reached the deli where I usually get my morning egg sandwich, I didn't find my wallet in my pocketbook.  It got to the point in my search that I was going to return home to search my bedroom, and I texted my boss.  One problem - my wallet fell out of my pocketbook and was sitting on the seat where I found it.  So I had to text an OOPS to him before going inside for my sandwich.

Getting into work was little better.  The configuration for one of the programs I depend on to do my job got screwed up in the week I was gone.  It took the better part of the day to get that issue fixed.  Luckily, I was able to begin work on other tasks while the computer technician did his job, and I started to wake up before lunch.

Yet, by the time I got home, I was tired.  I stopped by Walmart to pick up some bathroom furnishings needed before RQS comes here for the first time.  Hopefully, she won't be turned off by the place when she's here....

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

I feel like I've been running on empty for a while.

 

If I can say anything about my life lately, it's that I always to feel sleep deprived during the week.  For the past two days, I've taken a nap shortly after I got home and have awakened too late to get much of anything done.  Luckily, I had enough broken sleep to have enough energy to get through the day without feeling that I need a nap while at work.

- - - - - -

Strangely enough, I will miss having a place to go to when I eventually leave my job.  The people are a nice bunch, even though they don't have much time to be social. The place is LGBT friendly, and I have never noticed anyone saying negative about me or others in the LGBT community that is related to our gender issues.   Yet, I will enjoy having time back in my life to do things.  And, even more importantly, I will be able to enjoy reading books again.

I've noticed changes affecting my health that I want to discuss with my doctor next week.  These changes are likely related to two things: my age, and the toll that an 8 hour/day grunt job does to my body.  Last year at this time, I'd have no problem going on a hike with DS.  Today, I think I'd feel winded early on.  This bothers me a bit.  I'd like to break the habit of drinking 4+ cups of coffee (or its equivalent) on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, I can't do this while I need caffeine's stimulant effect to make it through the work day.

Sooner or later, something's got to give.  And I'm hoping that I will feel comfortable bailing out of my job before that time comes....

Monday, May 2, 2022

Dresses, dresses, and more dresses.

 

The one generalization a person can make about transgender people is that we like to wear clothing strongly identified with the gender of which we identify.  As a trans-woman, I love wearing dresses.  And that's OK.  But it means that to blend in I have to tone things down by wearing a dress as an oversized tunic.  So that's what I do more often than not these days.

When I bought the above dress, I didn't have the idea that it would be out of stock as quickly as it was.  I bought it just before the color above was gone.  Today, wearing this dress to work with a pair of black leggings, I felt that I looked pretty and appropriately informal for a place like my office.  (I'd hate to be wearing a T-Shirt and Jeans to the office every day as some women do at my office.)

 

This dress is slightly more problematic.  Once I put it on for a test drive, it screamed to be worn as a dress.  So, on the next warm day that I have free, I plan to do so.  It is very comfortable, and well worth the bargain price I paid for it.  (Remember, both dresses came from Target, and the net including shipping and tax was under $42.00.)  Even if this dress and the dress above it last for only one season, I'll get good value from them.

- - - - - -


Recently, the above dress arrived in the Mystery Box shipment from Universal Standard.  This is the type of dress I'd never buy on my own as it's best worn by a woman with a defined figure, and not by a trans-woman. It took me a while to figure out how to put this dress on, as the outer belts which tie together by the woman's left elbow didn't have a hidden hole for one tie to go through - like the one below.


This dress was also in the shipment, and I posted a mediocre picture of me wearing it in an earlier post.  At least, this dress was easy to figure out once I saw the hole for the belt that came in from the left side of the dress.

- - - - - - 

Even though I feel that the dresses from Universal Standard are of better quality than the dresses from Target, I will get more use from the two simple garments at the top of the entry.  Will I be tempted to buy more dresses in the future?  Yes.  But most of my purchases will be for practical purposes, and not to gamble on getting something nice as I did buying "Mystery Boxes".





Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Another quick post about some conversations

 

Tonight was a night of chatting.  If it wasn't KM from work, or Stephanie from Texas, it would be RQS keeping me chatting until after midnight.  So I won't have too much to say right now.

- - - - - -

The day at work dragged on, as I had a hard time staying awake.  At least, I was able to get a full day's worth of work done - even with the trouble I was having staying alert.  Since I planned to talk with KM after work, as well as Stephanie via Zoom, then chat with RQS, I knew I'd have no time to do any of the other important things I wanted to do tonight.

KM told me about the goings on at the office from her perspective.  She's looking at the company from a youngster's point of view, someone who comes from a bluish collar background.  She sees opportunity in its chaos.  As for me, at an age where I should be considering retirement, I see something else - a company struggling to define its core business for future growth.  Sadly, I had to cut her off, as I had to connect with Stephanie.

Stephanie and I had a more meaningful chat.  She wishes that she could have met me much sooner in life, as we would have developed a closer friendship.  Little does she know that she would have seen me in a very different light had she done so, as I had yet to come out as Marian at the time.  Yet, I can see myself being like an older sister to her.

Once done with Stephanie, it was time to chat with RQS.  As usual, we had a long chat where I did most of the talking.  That seems to be OK with her, as she seems to enjoy hearing what I am saying.  We'll see if this continues over time....

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

A quick post about being bored with a board

 

I knew when the day began that it was going to be a very long one.  And it was....

For no reason at all, I woke up a couple of times during the night and fell back to sleep. So, when the alarm woke me at 6 am, I worried that I would need more sleep to get through the day.  But I was amazed that I didn't pass out.

By the time 4:30 pm came, I was ready to fall to sleep.  I was a little depressed because the headhunter that contacted me wanted someone with more recent experience.  He has a problem - no one with mainframe experience is being developed in American schools.  Today's young programming types are studying the client-server technologies, as this will be their best shots of doing interesting work.  So, only old people like me, many of which are already retired, have the skills required by this headhunter's client - the bank I once worked for.  This means, that if I want a job, I'll have to contact people I know who still work at the bank.

Once in my car and on the way home, I called up the local taco joint to order tonight's dinner and tomorrow's lunch.  And when I got home, I stripped out of Marian's outfit and put on Mario's outfit, as I had a board meeting to attend.  Although I won't go into any details about what we discussed, the work of our former and current managing agents came up in our discussion.  And I can say that we had important comments about areas of improvement which could be made by our current managing agent.

Eventually, that meeting ended, and I called RQS.  I found it hard to believe that we were on the phone for over 3 hours.  Could you imagine how late we'd be talking if we were in the same place AND if I didn't have to go to work?

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Waking up late....

 

It's been years since I've taken the Staten Island Ferry and catch this view.  But I was reminded of it today, as I was able to wake up late for a change, and go to a doctor's appointment instead of going to work first thing in the morning.

- - - - - -

Now that I'm about to go on Medicare, this will be one of the last appointments covered by my Obamacare policy.  And I'm not so sure of how I feel about that.  Medicare is not as efficient as care given to the under 65 set.  For example, where I would get yearly physicals from my doctor, he is only allowed to give me "wellness checks"  In short, he has to schedule each needed test on different days, as he is only allowed to test for one ailment at a time.  Although I will have some redundant coverage from work, it isn't that great - my doctor is not on my company's plan.  (That's why I kept my Obamacare policy.)

Once I am done with the doctor, I will be going to work.  That means I will be changing from Mario Mode to Marian Mode in mid morning.  Of course, I will be staying in this mode all day....

Now, if only I had a GP that I could feel comfortable going to as Marian....

Monday, April 11, 2022

Computer Problems

 

The computer shown above is similar to that I used in college and on my first full time computer position.  And if it weren't for bad marketing, the manufacturer might have stood a better chance of surviving the consolidation of the early mainframe industry.  

Today's post is a short one. It's about problems which will always plague  the computer industry - no matter hard one tries, computer bugs will get into the field and cause havoc.  In my case, I was one of 5 people for whom a network change paralyzed our computers - and kept from doing any meaningful work for a couple of hours.

Normally, I get to work somewhere between 8:00 and 8:15.  (I'll make up any lost time at the end of the day.)  It takes me about a minute or two to log on to the computer, activate a service, log into a batch of work, and start working that batch.  Today, I couldn't do so.  My computer couldn't connect to the network.  

Although it took about 2 hours to fix the problem, I started thinking - do we really want things like self driving cars?  Given that everything originates from the mind of a human at one point of creation or another, and that humans are flawed, can we trust any machine designed by a human to act perfectly?  No!  There are cases where Tesla automobiles using the autopilot mode have crashed into stationary objects.  This is why Tesla instructs the driver to remain alert behind the wheel when this mode is used - they know enough not to give unlimited trust to their own computer systems in their cars.  (And I'm one of the people who would trust Tesla's systems, as they are the best in the field.)

Later on, I thought about the story behind the book/movie "2010".  When the HAL-9000 computer (from "2001") was given the order to keep its mission a secret from the people on board, the computer thought the best way of keeping the secret would be to kill the crew. Again, human failings caused a computer malfunction.  Although this is fictional, it should serve as a warning to people who put blind faith in computer systems - they will fail when least expected and cause the most damage.

Monday, April 4, 2022

Sometimes, I let things slide


The title of today's entry may be a little misleading.  I'm not talking about not getting angry at something.  Instead, I'm talking about someone posting something political (and offensive) at work on office equipment and not planning on doing anything about it.

As I've noted before, my office is a model of diversity.  Somehow, we have people of all political persuasions working together.  Yet, one incident could set off a series of falling dominoes - and I do not plan on pushing that first domino.  For me, it is a female Trump supporter who has posted a "Brandon" sticker (a Trumpster's way of saying "Fuck You Biden") that bothers me.  No, it's not the idea that this seemingly sane person is a Trump supporter that bothers me.  Instead, it's the fact that she has affixed a political bumper sticker to her office equipment.

People will have very different views on life and yet work well together.  For the purpose of maintaining peace, I plan to let this defacing of office equipment slide - especially when I do not have to see it on a regular basis.  I just wonder what will happen to many of these Trump supporters if he is indicted, tried, and convicted.  How will these people keep their cool in the office when people like me start cheering?  Someone will push the first domino, and I don't want to be there when it happens....

Saturday, April 2, 2022

It's 13 o'clock!

 

One TG person I know describes her height as 5' 13 1/2".  It's a fun way of saying that she's 6'1 1/2".  Of course, 1 foot has only 12 inches, but most people will understand the joke and make the translation without much thought.  Today, I was in a situation where one person said that it was 1:12 pm, and I responded that it was 12:72 pm - and this caused another person to defend his reality that it could only be 1:12 pm.

- - - - - -

I have mentioned that we have a motley crew of diverse employees where I work.  As much as I'll joke that they could train monkeys to do our jobs, but PETA would sue them for animal abuse, I respect the firm for giving all the people working here an opportunity to earn a needed salary.  It is a good place for people who are not able to climb the corporate ladder (for whatever reason), but it is not a place for an ambitious young person to spend more than a year or two earning money to pay for college expenses. Some of the people we have hired are on the autism spectrum, and it was one of these employees who protested that it was 1:12 pm when we were joking that it was 12:72 pm.  The other person in on this joke was having fun with me, as he was comfortable with my response to him giving the time.  After 30 seconds or so, I found myself explaining to the fellow with autism that the two of us were joking with each other, knowing that we were breaking the rule that an hour only has 60 minutes.

Strangely enough, I wonder what goes on in this man's mind.  Does he need the certainty of having only ONE way of describing the world to function effectively in it?  What does this mean at a larger social level?  Could conservatism and adherence to religious dogma be related to this trait that has manifested in this person in this way?  Could the need for religion be a result of our species need to have a single explanation for everything that happens in the universe?

I remember a conversation with TCL where she was asking a lot of questions as to why something was going on.  It was frustrating, as the answer to many questions like this may only be: "it just is, because random chance may have made it this way."  And in the case of myself, I think growth came because I didn't have to accept either a fixed dogma or an unanswered question for what it provides me.


Monday, March 21, 2022

On the fence

 

I've discussed my situation at work more than often enough.  As much as I can use the money (my 401k dropped by 10% in the latest downturn), I could also use the time that being unemployed would return to my life.  And this is what I'm on the fence about.

- - - - - -

When I started off to work, everything was going smoothly - as if everyone was taking off from work, leaving the roads free for me.  I was wide awake, and alert - and was this way throughout the day.  I'll bet that my boss was surprised that I made the quota of work she set for me the day before.

I don't care that much that I would be let go by the job.  But I do care that I am not leaving on my own terms. I like being able to go to work as Marian, but I don't enjoy what I have to deal with to do so (and I'm referring to the work at the office, and not about the process of getting made up.)  

When I talk to people, most say that I should leave this job before it eats me up.  But I'm on the fence.  And I have been since I took this job over a year ago.

I'm looking at another position that I will likely be interviewed for.  But if I get this job, it might get in the way of me taking my Hawaii cruise later this year.  Do I want to let this happen?  Again, I'm on the fence about this.

So much fence sitting, and so little happening.  It could be worse....


 

Sunday, March 20, 2022

I might be leaving the job soon - a short post

 

 

Believe it or not, I might be exiting my job soon....

As much as I enjoy going to work as Marian, it can not make up for the fact that I have one of the most boring jobs in the world.  I do what I can do to stay awake, but I have not been able to keep up the pace of work needed to make my boss happy.  So the first signs of being set up to be forced out are there - an open quota for the most tedious work I have ever done.

Will I be sad if I have to go?  A little.  I like being able to leave by my own choice.  But I won't miss having to get up by 6 am to get to work by 8.  I will miss the extra money the job brings in.  And in this age of $5+ gasoline, every extra dollar counts.

Monday, March 7, 2022

Cause and effect

 

The other day, I received a communication from someone who said that I betrayed her.  That word may be a little harsh, but I never meant to hurt this woman.  She then mentioned my ex-girlfriend as a comparison, and I responded - my ex betrayed me.  In short, I was saying that almost all people should get a second chance when no evil intent was intended.  Sadly, this person will likely hold her grudge forever. 

But this got me thinking a little....

One of the things this person has in common with my ex is a connection to me.  Could she have influenced the ex to do certain things?  Possibly.  In anger, people will do the strangest things and regret them later. But I was thinking in a very different direction.  What if the ex was trying to send me a signal, and it misfired in a way she couldn't expect?  When a person says they want to break up, one shouldn't expect a newly minted ex not to think about dating - even if it's the day after the breakup.

This triggered a thought about another woman I know who was separated from her husband for years. When he died, like me, she wanted to get back into the saddle as quickly as possible.  For both of us, this approach didn't lead us in the direction we expected to go.  In my case as of late, if I didn't go out in the world as Marian, I'd have had my choice of 2 different girlfriends.

As you can guess, I've been doing a lot of thinking while working.  My MP3 player can distract me only so much.  I get a lot of ideas for this blog while screen scraping or key entering data at the office.  Yet, only some of them have any value to me these days.  I don't want to include events from others' lives as I did in the past.  Yet, I must say that the chaos I saw first hand made for interesting reading for some people - especially one person who both spoke and wrote loudly.  

Lately, I don't go into as many meetups as I used to in the past.  I'm a little bit more picky now.  One group is hit and miss due to the small group size.  The other is hit and miss due to the distance to get there and to get home.  Do I miss them?  Sometimes.  But, I no longer need that many meetups to be with people. Strangely, that's a gift that my ex, this former acquaintance, and the pandemic have given to me. 


Friday, March 4, 2022

This is the one time my doctor might recommend for me to have a donut.


DAMN!!!!

I woke up thinking I'd still have air in my tire, and found that I need to find my "Donut" and hope for the best.  There went plans to go to work today - after I got all made up and dressed as Marian.  Now it was time to switch back to Mario mode....

- - - - - -

After waiting a while (I needed to breathe a little), I called AAA around 10.  They said the truck would arrive before 11:55.  It arrived around 11 am, just as I was starting to drink my 2nd cup of coffee.  Leaving that cup sitting by my computer, I rushed downstairs to meet the tow truck operator.  His compressor wouldn't work off of my car's socket, so we tried his truck's socket - with success.  But we didn't fill up the bad tire.  We filled up the donut (being safe) and mounted it on the car.  The old tire and rim had 2 potential problems- there was a small nail in the tire, and there was a deformation on the inner rim of the wheel hub. The old tire and wheel hub was put in the trunk, and the car was ready to be driven.

After tipping the man, it was off to Mavis. The fellow at the desk was polite, and he was able to take the tire out of my trunk and tell me that it should be ready in 2 hours.  Either the nail or the deformed hub was likely causing the leak, and he said that if I needed a new tire (highly unlikely) I would get a call.  It was off to the bookstore to kill some time, when I got my call - the tire only needed to be patched (I hope he's right in the long term), and that the repair would only cost me $25.00.  (I was prepared to pay much more!)  But this also confirmed my suspicions - the shop wanted to close early last Thursday, and they didn't want to keep it open for just me.  (If a repair took only an hour and it proved to be minor, why couldn't they have done this before they closed on Thursday night? Closing up shop early was the only answer that came to my mind.)

Something I realized today - I felt more awake not having to go to work, than if I had gone in as planned.  I mentioned this to the woman sitting next to me when I described my job, and her reaction indicated that I should leave the job for my health.  She may be right.  


Thursday, March 3, 2022

Odds and Ends for the month so far

 

Jack Benny.  There is an old joke about him getting mugged.  The mugger says: "Your money or your life," waits a long time for a response from Jack.  The mugger says "Well?" and Jack says: "I'm thinking!  I'm thinking!"  Well, I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and want to get some off my chest.

- - - - - -

I find it amazing that shortly after I sensed that I had processed much of the grief over losing a relationship with XGFJ, that I started to sense grief welling up from the loss of FCP as a friend.  Yet, this grief was easier to manage, as I didn't have to process other grief at the same time.  There is only so much deep loss a person is equipped to deal with, and I had too much hit me in too short a time.

Things are going well with RQS.  She's far from the type of person I'd seek out.  She's not tall, she doesn't have blond hair, and she lives in an area where car ownership can be a big liability.  So seeing her becomes a scheduling issue - for my car.  Things weren't as bad for me when I dated Ex-GF-M, as her area was less densely populated.

Due to scheduling issues, I've again had to cancel going to some meetups.  Work, Co-Op board issues, and dating have gotten in the way of going to meetups - and I don't mind this too much.

I'm still ambivalent about quitting my job.  I like having new money come into my bank account, as I don't want to drain my savings accounts if I don't have to do so.  Yet, because of issues with my car, I have decided that I must soon start looking for a new car.  I hate doing this now.  But with a car that has 180k miles on the odometer, it's time to do so.  (My issues with the slow leak are the tip of the iceberg in this area.)

Assuming that I quit my job soon, I'm looking at taking a short Bermuda cruise.  Until I make a decision on employment, I won't schedule this cruise.

- - - - - -

As Jack would say: "I'm Thinking...."

Friday, February 25, 2022

A slow leak that has yet to be fixed

 

This morning, I found that the air pressure in my tire was dangerously low.  It may not have been this bad, but I knew I had to inflate the tire before driving to work.  So, off to the local gas station I went....  Arriving at the gas station, someone else was using the air pump, and he handed me the hose with about 30 seconds to spare on the vend.  The tire needed more air, so I dropped another 4 quarters into the machine, and filled my tire with 3 minutes of air.  Yet, this still may not have been enough.  You can bet that this car will be paying a visit to Mavis in the near future....

Now that I was late, it was a leisurely drive to the office.  I arrived 20 minutes late, but no one made mention of it.  If anyone complained, I'd say that I planned to make the time up at day end - which I did.  And it was another 8 hours of mind numbing work.  As usual, the first half of the day went slowly, but things went faster in the afternoon.  If I could only have the second half of the day, I'd be comfortable staying at this job for another 2 years.  But, with the agonizing mornings, I want to be out of there soon.  AARGH!

- - - - - -

And that leads me to thoughts on dating....

The other day, I told RQS about Marian and it is still something she has yet to experience before she can make any forward moves.  But things look good right now.  CWS may fall by the wayside, as she hasn't been available as much as I would like, given the time I have known her. Yet, I'm not closing any doors until I know how RQS reacts to Marian when she meets her in person.  (In this case, it pays for me to use the 3rd person for clarity.)  For me, it's a race to find the first decent catch that accepts me as Marian and Mario.  The one thing I will say - I will not "roach" either of these women.

Right now, I made a decision to suspend my OK Cupid account, as it would be way too tempting to swipe right and keep making superficial contacts with new women..  The way things go, I can get a refreshed list of women at any time if I need to go back into the dating pool.  No matter what happens with RQS and CWS, I think I'm going to take a break from meeting new women for dating.

 

 

PS: The tire is leaking air at a faster rate than in the past, probably due to the recent cold spell.  So it'll be off to Mavis on Thursday to see what they can do for me.

PPS: Mavis screwed up the appointment.  I'll have to put up with the leak for another week, or take off a day from work.

Sunday, February 20, 2022

I shouldn't have bothered with the meetup tonight.

 

Lately, I've been feeling very tired, and I haven't had much energy to do much of anything when I get home.  But tonight was the first chance I've had in a while to go to one of my remaining meetup groups to "Celebrate" National Pizza Day.  So I said "to heck with it", and took the 1 hour drive to hang out with the group as Marian.  I wasn't prepared for a place so noisy that I could barely could make myself heard over the din.  Yet, I had a nice time.  But it wasn't worth the drive when I needed to catch up on my sleep. 

On the way home, I realized that I was feeling bloated, and have had way too many carbohydrates in my diet lately.  So I'll have to change this, so that I can fit into my dresses as spring approaches.  But if I were to get another job, it would likely be as Mario - and those dresses would still stay in the closet.  The big question is: Do I really want to keep working?  This job has triggered bad eating habits, and I have gained 10 lbs. over the past year.  Would I eat better if I were working at a job I enjoy more?  Would I eat better if I finally retired for good?  Who knows?  But I know one thing: I shouldn't have gone to the meetup tonight or pigged out on pizza....


Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Covid and how it impacted society

 

The other night, I met a friend who told me about how things are going at her job.  Although everything is OK on the surface, there is more going on than anyone would want to admit.  And this got me thinking....

- - - - - -

As of the time I'm writing this entry, we're about 2 years into the pandemic. Although the worst of the pandemic related disruptions are behind us, the ripple effects continue to this day. At the beginning, the government was sponsoring PPP loans to keep people "employed" when there was no economic need for  businesses to employ them. If a business took out this type of loan, it had to meet some strict requirements and then apply for PPP forgiveness of the loan later on.  One problem - no one knew how long the pandemic would last, and many small businesses couldn't afford the risk that they would be able to employ these employees at the end of the loan's term. (This is how I remember things, small business owners may be able to better clarify things here.)  America's "unlivable wage" structure combined with Federal Unemployment Insurance subsidies made it a better deal for many small business employees to leave the workforce and take the time off to develop skills for better paying jobs. In the case of one business I'm acquainted with, the business owner had to lay off it's one employee. The owner of the business was doing double duty for 18 months while the "ex" employee was taking advantage of government largesse - and I can't blame the employee for doing so.  Yet, more people needed this money than not, as they had no jobs to go to (think of restaurant staff) and no way to get new ones.  It made sense for these people to develop skills for new jobs with better wages and more stability.

Over time, things evolved into a "new normal".  Most of us got used to wearing masks in public spaces. Most of us got used to social distancing.  And most of us got used to the safety protocols needed to help slow down the spread of the pandemic.  Many businesses started opening up again, albeit in new ways. Restaurants developed new take-out models, and employed some of their former wait staff as kitchen employees for the duration.  Others created outdoor dining spaces. And still others were allowed to operate indoor facilities with reduced capacity. Yet, many cherished places continued to close, as they could not get enough business to pay their bills.

Eventually, the needed vaccines were developed, and things changed for the better.  Once enough people became vaccinated, we continued our evolution to a "new normal". Many businesses that had shut down due to the pandemic reopened.  In my case, I took my first cruise in 2 years at Christmastime. Yet, I noticed that things were different.  Fewer people were on my cruise than I expected. And this is typical - many people are still afraid of catching the virus, even though they have been vaccinated.  (I can't blame them, as I lost my dad to the virus in the early days of the pandemic.) Yet, with the symptoms of the virus in the vaccinated being much less severe than in the unvaccinated, I see the risks and severity of getting sick as that of catching a non-Covid flu.  Many of us are tired of having to think of the virus, and are finding ways to live our lives again.

And this sets the stage for the continuing ripples of the pandemic.  The friend who discussed her job with me noted that her boss was not in the best financial state.  Year to year holiday sales were still down, as many of his customers were not gathering in large numbers anymore. He was surviving, but slowly hemorrhaging money - especially, as he bought out his former partner just before the pandemic struck. The owner enjoys running his business, but his Covid-19 depressed financials may force him to close the business and put my friend out of work.  Many small businesses are hurting, as they can not generate the revenue to pay workers, or to pay workers enough to stay on their jobs.  Increased demand for workers have caused people to jump to better paying and more secure jobs.  They have learned their lessons from the early days of the pandemic, and do not want to be at risk again from a next pandemic.

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As for me, I've noticed that when I pass through Grand Central Terminal, that many dining venues have closed. Not only do people want to avoid eating at the terminal due to the virus, but people have no places to sit down and enjoy their food. Until recently, the magazine/newspaper stand at Grand Central wasn't open when I was there.  Not enough people were taking the train into NYC to justify keeping the place open.  But now, things are opening up again, and I am looking forward to an excuse to eat at the Oyster Grill again.

Yet, things have changed quite a bit.  Not only do I have to show that I have been vaxxed and boosted before entering a NYC restaurant, museum, or theater, but I have to pull out government id to prove that the vaccination record is mine. It's a small price to pay for "normalcy" in the new normal.  

There is a point where enough people have been vaccinated in society to allow for a herd immunity. Those of us who have been vaccinated paid the small price to allow this to happen.  But most of the unvaccinated people are freeloaders.  Their selfish interests have made it harder to attain this herd immunityAnd with their insistence that they remain unmasked in places where immuno-compromised people may be only helps to make things worse for all of us.  The new normal has shown us that there are a large number of people who don't give a damn about others - and who will hurt society rather than make small sacrifices to improve it.

I could go on and on.  This post was intended to be a short one discussing my friend's job and how Covid-19 affected it.  But things often change when I start writing an entry....

 

 

Friday, February 11, 2022

I keep getting closer and closer to leaving my job

 

This morning, I had an appointment to see my doctor - as Mario.  So I got up later than usual, and took my shower.  Normally, this wouldn't be worth mentioning, but we had a water main break yesterday and I wasn't sure if we'd have enough water for a shower this morning. Luckily, the town's water department worked all through the evening to reroute water supply, so that apartments in my complex had water. (For this, I give them thanks, as it was close to zero degrees last night.

The visit with the doctor went well, as he noted that my A1C level was good.  But he tweaked my meds, and changed when I should take one of them.  Afterwards, I went home to change into Marian mode and went to work.  Unfortunately, I forgot my MP3 player - and I had to tough it out through 4 hours of work without something to distract me.  Luckily, there was a meeting that burnt off 30 minutes of my time, so the day went more quickly than expected.  Even so, I felt as if my days of working full time are numbered, as I realized that I have lost my enthusiasm for doing this job.

A recent email exchange with my friend, WDS, helped me clarify what I want to do with the rest of my life. Last year, he had a medical issue which affected his ability to function and enjoy life.  Although many functions have recovered to some degree, his life is not the same as it was before.  This got me to thinking: Why shouldn't I enjoy how I spend my time for the rest of my life? (as long as I am able to do so, that is.)  I can do many things using a minimal amount of my savings, and turn on a couple of income streams when I need them. (I may be forced to turn them on earlier than I want to do so, but it's not because I need to do so.)

Since I want to take my Hawaii trip as Marian, I figure that I needed to get my Trusted Traveler Number as Mario.  This way, I can reach a security checkpoint, explain things in a minimally uncomfortable position, and "fly pretty" (as Kim would put it).  Yet, I will make a trip or two as Mario, so that I can determine whether it is worth it to see these places as Marian on another trip.

So it all goes back to the question: What do I want to do with the rest of my life, and how do I do those things?  Hopefully, I'll have a lot of pleasant experiences coming up....




Wednesday, February 9, 2022

Ennui - It's part of what I've been dealing with for the past 2 years.


En·nui
noun: ennui

a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

"he succumbed to ennui and despair"

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I'm not sure of whether I was experiencing ennui before I broke up with my last serious girlfriend. But I certainly felt it after we broke up.  As BB King titled one of his songs, "The Thrill is Gone."  Or, it has been for a while for me.  It was important for me to find something to excite me, and I was lucky not to fall into the rabbit hole of abuse of mind altering substances.  I had to identify and confront my feelings during the past two years.

The act of going to work in Marian mode was a thrill at first. But now, it's simply a matter of personal comfort and preference.  The problem is that I want romance, and for that, I have to live in both modes. It doesn't bother me to go out as Mario.  It's simply that I prefer going out as Marian.  But this is not the cause of my ennui.

When I was young, a lot of things excited me.  Now, I take many things in stride, knowing that any excitement I get is only momentary.  My last cruise invigorated me, but it was a great let down when I had to come home and go to work the next day.  Now that I have a bucket list cruise on my docket, I an looking forward to the change of pace it will deliver.  I will be in a much better mood when I travel, as I will be a little bit out of my comfort zone - and being energized because of that.

Each time I go to work, I end up being depressed for the first part of the day.  The repetitive nature of my work puts me to sleep, and I want to be doing something different if I have to wake up so early.  Yet, by the time afternoon comes, I am more energized, and I can sail through the rest of the day without many problems.  Is the job worth the money I get for doing it?  I'm not sure.  Sooner or later, I will quit this job, and I know I will feel relief.  Yet, it may put me into the funk I felt in 2000 when the Covid shutdown took place.

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2002 leaves me looking forward to change.  I just hope that I feel more energized soon....


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, February 6, 2022

The weekend comes awfully quickly....

 


As I write this, they are predicting either 1"-3" of snow to 9"12" of snow.  No, I shouldn't have written this forecast as 1"-12" of snow, as they do not know which way the storm will track.  If it tracks away from the coast, we'll get 1"-3" of the white stuff on the ground.  If it tracks toward the coastline, we'll get the 9"-12" that will cause a lot of problems on Eastern Long Island.

In some ways, this storm will be a blessing to me.  Although I will not be able to see CWS or RQS, I will not be able to see FH as well, freeing me up to get back to work on cleaning up my apartment.  It will also give me the opportunity to sleep later than usual, and finally make a decision on whether I should stay at my present job, or move on with my life.

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A while back, I mentioned my friend WDS.  Well, he's recovering from an ailment he had last year, and is slowly regaining facilities that he had before his ailment struck him.  Today, I wrote him, and he was up to me visiting him - but I would need to stay elsewhere.  Neither of the two extra rooms in the house he rents is furnished.  And that's OK with me, as I'd have my feminine wardrobe with me so I could see YGM.

WDS asked me about what has been going on in my life, and the impression I get from him is that leaving my job would be no great risk for me.  He may be right.  So I plan to write to an out of state headhunter over the weekend, and see if they have remote work available.  If so, I could go back into my old line of work, and never need to leave the house to get a job done.  Wish me luck....

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