Thinking about my weekend....

I don't miss scenes like that above.  Part of me feels sorry for the person in the picture, and part of me feels revulsion at the same time.  And this is what I've encountered lately when I've taken the subway - at least one derelict has made each of my excursions underground less pleasant since I've met RQS.  So, I don't mind driving her home at the end of each weekend, as I want for her day to start off in a pleasant way.

But enough of the subway for now....

RQS came up this past weekend and we went car shopping.  Specifically, we drove to Goshen to talk with a salesman at a dealership which had a couple of cars I was interested in.  This drive had its share of problems, as we encountered a traffic jam at a traffic circle in Bear Mountain state park.  So we decided to bail, and take the long scenic way to Route 17 instead of risking a problem on the other side of the mountain.  This was a fortuitous decision, as we got to see a side of the park I've never seen before.  When we reached the road that I expected to use to reach Route 17, it was closed.  So, we continued on the road towards Sloatsburg and reached Route 17 just short of the Red Apple Rest. 

Before I go on, I want to mention something about the Red Apple Rest.  In its heyday, it was an important "pit stop" along the "old" route to the Catskills.  However, with more people taking the Thruway, this establishment was left for locals to patronize.  Sadly, there was not enough business for this place to survive, and the ruins of this place stand along the road where a once thriving business once stood.

Once we passed the Red Apple Rest, it was off to the dealership.  And then, the "fun" began.  I was interested in both the Hyundai Kona and the Elantra, and was willing to take either model at the price the internet sales person said they'd accept.  However, the Kona I wanted was gone, and all that was coming in was a more expensive trim package that I didn't want to pay for.  So I mentioned the Elantra. The sales person mentioned that it was a different type of car, and I understood that. He presented me with a couple of offers, and the last one was acceptable.  But I needed a little time to think on it, as the car's color was not what I wanted.  I said that I'd get back to him by Monday, and I hope that we can work things out - as the cash price is not an issue anymore.

- - - - - -

On the way home, we decided to finish off some leftovers from the day before.  As we passed through Ossining, I spotted the Lobster Truck on its way back home.  Luckily, Shoprite is having a lobster sale next week, and we'll be feasting on crustaceans when she's here next.

Happy Independence Day!

 

The above is a shot from an Independence Day celebration at West Point, NY.  The shot does not do the display justice.  But then, I'm not in the mood to spend my time for an entry today, when I can be enjoying the rest of my weekend.

so....

Happy July 4th!

A quick post: Weekend plans - cars and lobsters

 

Originally, RQS was planning on spending Friday night with one of her friends, and then spend the rest of the weekend with me.  Well, her friend had to cancel, and I had an extra night with her.  And again, I'll be picking her up in Marian Mode....

- - - - - -

Friday night's plans would be simple.  Pick her up at the train station, and go out for Greek food.  (Pizza is contraindicated for her due to potassium levels.)  However, Saturday would be a day to look forward to, as the lobster truck would be in Peekskill.  Guess where one of our stops will be....

Once done with the lobster, it'll be off to the car dealership.  If I get a good offer, I'll put a deposit down on a car, and see what I need to do to get the old car off my hands.  Part of me is tempted to keep the old car for driving to RQS's neighborhood and staying the night - no one will bother stealing a 9 y/o car, nor will there be much value in doing so.  But I can always take the train to see her, as I wouldn't be dealing with the headaches of finding parking in her area.

Assuming things go well, Sunday might be another lobster feast day.  It's on sale at the local supermarket from Sunday thru Saturday, so we might just pig out a second time with some home cooked lobsters.  Sadly, she'll have to go home too soon.  But that's just a minor headache we deal with in our relationship.

I don't have much to say today....

 

Over the past few days, I haven't had the chance to do much of anything or talk to anyone.  About the only things I have the energy or time to do during the week is to go shopping for necessities, and maybe do some laundry.  If it weren't for my belief that I should write something every day, even if it is a short paragraph, I'd switch to weekly entries.  But I'm afraid that I sill wouldn't have much to say.

- - - - - -

Right now, it looks like only one car dealership that is interested in cutting a deal I would find acceptable. If this doesn't work out, I'll put money into keeping my 9 y/o car on the road for another year, and take my chances buying a car next year.

My brother calls me up because he is bored with home life.  I won't go into his issues, save that he finds his time at the office a validation of the person he has become.  He has sacrificed a lot to get where he is, and he soon will grab his gold ring if all goes as expected.  Hopefully, all will go well for him.

Next year, I'm planning on taking a Panama Canal cruise.  I have only two requirements: (1) that I can visit my uncle in California at cruise end, and (2) that this cruise goes through the old locks.  Given the heat and humidity, this will be a cruise taken as Mario.  Yes, it's a compromise, but one I'm willing to take if I can see my uncle at the end.

Little things can mean a lot....

 

I have found these cords to be quite helpful, as I like to wear my id badge from work on a lanyard.  When I need to open up my locker, the cord extends, so that I can open the locker, and retracts when I take the key out.  Unfortunately, the retracting on my old lanyard broke and I couldn't find the other replacements I bought last year.  So, over to Staples I went to pick up some supplies.

Before reaching Staples, I stopped by Lowe's to pick up some black duct tape to fix an issue with my cell phone case.  (I won't even try to explain it, but the plastic shield that allows a license to be visible was coming out of its place, and I wanted to secure it for good.  Next was my stop at Staples, where I bought a couple of badge reels.

It's amazing how little things like this can make life more livable....

- - - - - -

Thinking of little things, RQS will be coming up for the weekend.  Why do I phrase it that way?  Well, she's shorter than most of the women I've dated, and she makes me feel good when she's around.

One of the things that gets both of us salivating is when the "Lobster Truck" is in a place where we can get a Connecticut Roll or two.  Yum!   To us, it's like letting a kid loose in a candy store.  But this time, we're adults and a penny candy won't do it for us any more.

On the phone tonight, she asked whether the dresses I ordered from Target have arrived.  I told her that they are expected here in a couple of days.  Hopefully, this summer, she'll spend a day with me (in Marian Mode) while I'm enjoying the comfort of one of these dresses.

- - - - - -

I find it interesting how mundane my life has become as of late.  Many of the things I write about have little to do with being transgender.  Instead, they have to do with the little things in life - and they often end up meaning much more than we think at the time.  And I'm enjoying the little things right now - they mean a lot to me.

 

I keep getting closer to buying a car....

 

One of the problems I have living between the two genders is that I have to change gender presentations before doing something which requires me to present in the other gender.  In this case, it's showing myself in person as a male after spending a day at work as a female.

Why is this important?

I have to take time to strip off all traces of a female presentation, clothing, makeup, etc., switch money and ID into my other wallet, and getting dressed as a male, and this costs me at least 30-45 minutes of time which I could use getting to a dealership to do a test drive.  So I've had to hold off my test drives for times which I'll be presenting as a male - such as when RQS is with me over the weekend.  This has slowed down my search for a new car.

Recently, I decided to go online to get car quotes from dealerships.  Of course, they want you to deal with humans and give up control of the negotiation process.  Well, I figured that I'd state what was not acceptable in an offer to me, and see what they'd say.  This technique has allowed me to get quotes of $1500-$3000 less than what I was getting in person.  Yes, this still can unravel when I get to a dealership, but it has much more promise than going between dealerships in person.

Of course, I have a very good reason for buying a new car.  The last thing I need to do is have a car break down on me while I'm in female mode, as I carry my legal identification (identifying me as a male) with me. This has happened once, and I don't want it to happen again....

One woman says I passed the test of femininity.

 

Somehow, I feel proud about what happened today.  I passed a test of femininity while presenting as a female. But first....

- - - - -

The other day, I was told that I've been given the authority to sign checks for my co-op.  However, it is a responsibility I didn't ask for, and almost blew off.  (I couldn't find the original email telling me who to ask for, and I had a case of the "fuck its" until I checked information in my online calendar.  At that point, I knew I wouldn't make it to have lunch with Vicki, and rescheduled our get together for a mid afternoon get together at Starbucks.  This was just as well, as the bank officer wasn't able to speak with me until 1:30, and I'd feel guilty telling Vicki that I screwed up after she left home.

At 1:30, I finally met with the bank officer, and we took care of the co-op account paperwork.  However, I had an issue of my own - I wanted to get the limit on one of my cards increased so that I could pay for my Hawaii cruise with a single charge on a single card.  Instead of shifting available credit balances from one card to another, he suggested that I open up a new account which more than doubled the credit available to me and gave me a $250 bonus for charging $500 to the new card within 3 months.  Of course, I expected to charge $9,000 on the card, so I would likely net almost $400 for opening up the account.  There is one potential issue - this may get in the way of me getting a good rate when I buy a car.  But more on that issue later.

Once done with the bank, I drove home and changed into Marian mode, wearing my new wig.  Vicki said that this wig looks better than my old wig as it better covers my chin bones.  She also apologized for going off on me at our last get together.  And I made a comment about FCP and XGFJ.  She agrees with me on how I interpret things, and said that I did the right thing by saying nothing.

After I left Vicki in Yorktown, it was off to the store to pick up a dessert for my meetup. With dessert in hand, I drove to Milford via the back roads - the turnpike was backed up (as usual). Like last time I was there, showers were in the forecast, and it drizzled a little throughout the party.  So, I sat down inside and read some email.  I found out that an auto dealer was willing to accept MSRP on a sedan, and $1500 over MSRP on the SUV.  So I now have a serious decision to make about buying a car.  While reading my emails, a woman came into the room and asked me if she minded if she changed her top into something warmer.  I shut the front door, and made sure no one came in while she was changing.  About the only thing I could see was her bra.  But she would not have let me see that if she thought I was a male.  RQS said that I passed the female test - women are now accepting me as a woman, albeit a tall, fat, and homely one. And that's fine with me.  I'd have gotten no excitement had she been braless and I had seen her breasts.  When presenting as Marian, I am reacting more and more like a cisgender women than I'd have thought years ago.

What would be going through your mind had you been in my position?

Choosing Cruises - figuring out how to compare apples and oranges

 

RQS and I have been thinking of taking one of two New England/Eastern Canada. The first is a 7 day cruise where I've been to all of the ports before, either on NCL or Princess.

The only port I'd want to visit again on a cruise would be Halifax, as I'd like to show RQS around Peggy's Cove.  (See Lighthouse picture at the top of this post.)  It's a beautiful place, and worth going there for the photo opportunities alone.  However there is a 10 day cruise which has me salivating.

However, the above cruise makes a little more sense to me, as it adds 2 ports that I have yet to visit, Charlottetown and Sydney.  Strangely enough there is only a $20/pp difference in the price of a balcony cabin for the 7 and 10 day cruises.  

- - - - - -

Ideally, I'd have convinced RQS to have taken the above cruise.  You'll note that there is no map associated with it.  But I think it's because this cruise is a "one-off" that includes 3 ports in Greenland, and 2 ports in the Maritime provinces which I've yet to visit.

Hopefully, this cruise will be offered again in the future.

- - - - - -

Once a cruise has been selected, we now have the question to go with the "Free at Sea" package, or just go for the cheapest rates.  The difference between a "Sail Away" cabin rate ($849 before taxes and port fees) and a "Free at Sea" cabin rate ($1018 before taxes and port fees) is $169/pp.  When one factor in the following, the "Free at Sea" rate seems to make more sense.

• The Travel Agency is kicking in a $125 onboard credit for the cabin. ($62.50/pp)
• NCL provides 2 specialty dinners for 2.  (I consider this a $100/pp value)
• NCL provides 300 minutes of free Wifi.  (I think this can be upgraded to unlimited for $150,  based on the deal I'm being offered on my Hawaii cruise.)
• NCL provides a $50/cabin shore excursion credit for each excursion booked through the cruise line.  (NCL's excursions are overpriced, so this is not a great value.)
• NCL provides an unlimited open bar package.  (Based on what I'm paying for this package on my Hawaii cruise, I think this adds an extra $250 in taxes for each person in the cabin.)  Since RQS and I do not drink that much, opting for unlimited liquor may not make sense.  We'd each need to consume 3 alcoholic drinks each day to break even on this option.  Could we get an unlimited soft drink package in its stead?

To me, it seems like the "Free at Sea" deal is a breakeven proposition.  Couple the onboard credit with the specialty dinners, and we'd get the "free" Wifi for $6.50/pp.

What would you do if you were in our shoes?

Seeing people from before the pandemic

 

As most of my regular readers know, I was a volunteer at The Loft for several years while I was in between jobs.  Today was the first chance I've had to visit since the beginning of the pandemic - and much has changed....

When I last was at The Loft, I was doing miscellaneous office work on a weekly basis.  Although much of the volunteer work is still needed, the overall vibe of the building has changed.  First, The Loft and the Church above it no longer operate a thrift store.  That died in the early days of the pandemic, never to return again.  Then, the organization which takes up the other half of the lower floor has expanded its footprint.  The Loft no longer feels at home in this building, as the church above has rented out another part of the building to a "fundamentalist" church.  After 3 years of this, The Loft is about to announce a development that I should not put into electronic ink until it is announced formally.  However, I can say that it is good news for people who have a hard time reaching the building....

It was nice to see a couple of the people I once worked with.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see them more often when I eventually leave my job....

Getting older is a pain

 

If life were only this simple.  An older couple looking forward to a simpler life of ease.  Sadly, this is not the case for most of us, as we (collectively) have poorly prepared ourselves for the problems of getting old.

Today, I received another bill from a lab company which I thought was taken care of by my doctor's office.  Twice, I've contacted my doctor's office to get a billing error fixed, and this has not taken place.  The lady behind the desk says everything is fixed, only for me to find out that it is not fixed.  Since I don't want the bill to go into collections, I will need to take some time off from work to make phone calls to see what is going on and get things fixed.  AARGH!  We need single payer health care, and we won't get it in my lifetime.

On other matters, I have a car that is over 180k miles old.  I should be thinking of buying a new car.  But in this market, I have to ask the question - does it make sense to replace the car now, or should I deal with it when the car finally breaks down for good?  This is a hard question, as I don't plan on turning on social security benefits for 18 months, and I hate the idea of draining more money from savings than I absolutely need to do.

These problems, and others like it are to be expected as we get older.  Trans people have a few more of them, as many have to deal with legal issues and medical issues specific to the trans community.  (Luckily, I have not reached the point where I have to deal with these issues.  They would only be in front of me if I went through with a legal and/or medical transition.)  Hopefully, I will not need to worry about too many of them for a long while....

Sometimes, the less said, the better.

Recently, I had a conversation with someone whom I rarely exchange messages.  I didn't say anything much about this conversation, as I didn't want to bother a third party.  Well, I got the other side of things today by simply saying nothing.

- - - - - -

If I could have learned one thing when younger, it would be better communication skills.  Who knows how far I could have gone, either as Marian or as Mario.  Yet, I feel that much of my recent growth has been because my Marian personality has strengthened Mario as well.

Right now, I feel that I have 20-30 years of life left in me, and I want to make the most out of the active years I have left to me.  To do that, I still need to improve my communication skills, so that what comes out of my mouth will make me more attractive instead of scaring people away.

I will not talk much about today's messages, save that they were very informative.  And I would have not received them if I had opened up my mouth.  Go figure....

Oh... Of course, dear! I'll lend you MY gun.

 

I always found this bit of dark humor funny.  What type of protection does this woman really need?

As I write this entry, congress has agreed on a framework for new firearms regulations.  It's not perfect, but it is movement which we've needed for a long while.  The American public is tired of a political system that is too calcified to get needed things done.  But that's not the focus of this entry.  It's a quick note to give you an idea of one of the issues that concern me.

- - - - - -

Today was my first day back at work after a weekend that seemed pleasantly longer than usual.  It was also the first day that I was able to put on a dress for a while.  And this felt natural to me, as if I was born to wear them.  

Last week, I received the first of my dresses from the Avenue.  I had ordered a Steel blue/gray dress and couldn't track it.  So, I mistakenly thought that I didn't order the dress and ordered two more.  Thday, the other two dresses came in, and I now have to think about how to return one, exchanging it for one in a different color.  There are two more dresses I want to buy, this time from Target.  Both are inexpensive, one of them being on clearance.  So I might just buy these two, and retire others I have in my wardrobe.  This way, I can have some "newish" dresses I can wear when I go to Hawaii later in the year.

While we're talking about Hawaii, the cruise line sent me an email directing me to send them my full LEGAL name.  Ever since 9/11, airport security has gotten tighter and tighter, and I've had to plan things for a mode of transport I haven't used in a decade and will need to use for my trip to Hawaii.  It's hard to believe that this trip will be coming up sooner than I feel it's coming, and that I soon will need to pay for this trip.

When I do take the Hawaii trip, I'll be sure to take a lot of pictures and post them here when I get home.  Hopefully, I'll feel comfortable taking this trip solely in Marian Mode.  (I'll have to ask Kim for advice on this....)

Closing out a weekend - a tiny post

 

RQS and I woke up early, so that I could drive her to the gym for her weekly meeting with her personal trainer.  Both of us were tired and didn't want the weekend to end, but....

- - - - - -

The last time I drove RQS home, it was hot and humid, and the car was in danger of over heating.  Today, it was cool and the drive was uneventful.  As much as I'd have liked to go car shopping on the way home, I didn't have the energy to do so.  So, I drove straight home to rest.

Now that I was home, I had a choice: change into Marian mode and go out food shopping, or stay as Mario and do the same.  Given that I had at least one load of laundry to do and prep for the next day at work, you can guess what I did.....

The start of a long weekend doing nothing much.

 

If you're expecting a lot of "Sturm und Drang" from me and RQS this weekend, you'd be mistaken.  We still keep getting along better than either of us would have expected.

- - - - - -

We were very tired when we got to bed Friday night and we got up late the next morning.  This wasn't a problem, as neither of us had much of anything to do, save a little bit of shopping.  RQS and I wanted to stop by Bed Bath and Beyond, Christmas Tree Shops, and Trader Joe's.  So, it was off to lower county.  Both of us did some serious damage to our credit cards before returning home.

RQS and I had an interesting conversation regarding transgenderism, intersex, and gender preference.  I find it very interesting that she is open to new ideas in this area, unlike many women I've dated in the past.  And so far, she has not run away.  Although I don't think she'll do that many things with me in Marian mode, I don't think she'll run away from me either.

When we got back home, RQS suggested that she stay another night, and have me drive her home in the morning  - and I said, "Yes!" without need for thought....

Another quick post - The public hearings have begun

The above illustrates what I think of Trump and his disaster of a presidency.  Although some good things came of it, the damage he did to public comity was akin to pouring gasoline onto a flame. Today was the first of the televised hearings of the January 6th committee. This started the process of demonstrating to the public that Trump was responsible for the Capitol Hill riots.

At this point, I have to note that I was not watching the public testimony on June 9th.  Instead, I read the online commentary, as I was at game night enjoying myself.  Given what happened that day, I can't see myself watching scenes from the riot without getting sick.  If one drinks the MAGA Kool-Aid, then what one sees will be what the former president wanted one to see - loyal Americans fighting to take back their government.  If doesn't drink the Kool-Aid, then one sees an insurrection in progress on January 6th.  Either way, this is not an event that can be allowed to happen again.

Hopefully, I'll be able to watch future presentations where the violence is downplayed.  It is important that we watch things like this, as our republic will die if our public ceases to be aware of what is going on in society from the viewpoint of an objective observer.

Cruising to new ports

 

One cruise destination I have done more than once is New England and the Canadian Maritime provinces.  Given that this route usually runs from New York to Halifax, NS, there is not much new to see on this route.  Yes, some cruises stop at one or more of these ports: Newport, RI; Boston, MA; Portland, ME; and Bar Harbor, ME.  But these are all places I have visited before as Marian and as Mario.  The basic New England/Canada 7 day cruise has become boring to me.  

When I saw a 16 day cruise with these ports, my eyes perked up (as did the rest of me):

• Halifax, NS (Canada)
• Sydney, NS (Canada)
• Nuuk, (Greenland)
• Nanortalik, (Greenland)
• Qaqortoq, (Greenland)
• St. John's, NL (Canada)

Not only were there 5 new ports for me, but the single port I wanted to visit again was on the list as well.  Although this cruise would not add any points to my NCL status (this cruise is on Princess), it would be unique.  The only way I'd have a chance of getting to the last 5 ports would be on a pair of (25 and 36 day) cruises being sailed by Holland America next year. 

Given that there is no single supplement at the time I write, I could take this cruise for under $2000.  If I were to take this cruise, should I go as Mario or Marian?  What do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Quick Post - Scheduling dinner at a halfway point

 

Years ago, I dated RO, but dropped her for the same reason I dropped MWL - their hips were out of proportion to the rest of their bodies.  It would be hard for me to get turned on by a woman with those hips, and I didn't want to make the same mistake I made with Ex-GF-M.  However, we have remained good friends and have tried to get together now and then.  (FYI: RO is someone who knows me as Marian, has seen me as Mario, but relates to me as a female.)

Covid-19 put an end to getting together.  No one was going anywhere, and both she and her hubby did their lock down in the Poconos home.  Now that things have opened up again, we have decided to get together again, this time at a restaurant halfway between the two of us.  Since I'll be leaving straight from work, I'll have to fight rush hour traffic to see her.

It'll be nice to get together again.  And I'll be sure to wear a nice dress the day we meet again....  

Some credit cards are not worth keeping

 

The other day, I decided to buy a new dress from the Avenue's site.  Given that an all cotton dress is a rarity on this company's site these days, I decided to jump on one in a color I liked.  I placed the order, and nothing happened.  When I say nothing, I mean nothing.  The original default credit card option I used was no longer on the site from what I could tell (I was tired and could have missed things), and the order was never placed, with no error or warning being given to me.

Some of you might be thinking that I logged on to a scam site. But this was the site I've saved in my bookmarks, and have used many times in the past.  So, what happened?  After looking around, I didn't see their card listed in approved payment methods.  Although the current site's server sends out web pages which reference their store credit card, it wasn't available for me to use.

What do I think happened?

Given the declining profit of  of store cards, I feel that the in-house card was quietly phased out.  I could very easily be wrong about this.  But when I redid the order and decided to buy two dresses of the same style, I noticed that the store card option was no longer listed in the payment options.  Could this be related to Visa/Master Card/Discover/American Express all offering cash back cards?  It could be, as store cards do not offer the same value in rewards as major credit cards do, and they can only be used in one company's operations.

I wonder when my other store cards will bite the dust....

 

 

PS: The order was placed, and I did receive the dress.   I must have been extremely tired when I placed that order.

Thai Food - Yum!

 

 

One thing I love about being in New York City is that there are some wonderful restaurants in the outer boroughs.  Chachawan, in Ridgewood Queens, is one of those restaurants.  After having some good, but bland, Korean food the week before, it was a pleasure to go to this local joint for a Saturday evening dinner.

- - - - - -

When I'm with RQS, we try to find local restaurants in her neighborhood which have promise.  This restaurant is quickly becoming one of one of our favorites. She had a curry while I had the Three Flavors Duck.  Compared with the duck we had last weekend, this was wonderful.  I'd make the effort to go to this restaurant even if RQS weren't in the picture - it is that good.

A nice thing about New York City is that each neighborhood has at least one "go to" restaurant.  Ridgewood has several - including one of my favorites, Zum Stammtisch.  This restaurant has been in the neighborhood for 50 years, and I have been going there for 40 of those years.  When RQS and I finally get there, we will be taking a bus to reach the restaurant - it doesn't make sense to give up a good parking spot once you have found one.

Obviously, with easy access to Manhattan, it will be a while before we have completed our Ridgewood food safari. This is good, as there are no nearby Dim Sum joints like the Nom Wah Tea Parlor. But then, New York City is known for being a dining oasis....

Dinner with a friend

 

Last night, I had dinner with a friend from the meetup group whose meetings I irregularly attend.  She's a nice woman, about 30 years old, and not sure of what direction to take in life.  Sadly, she has a similar lack of charisma to me, and I think it is her mode of speech that makes me think she's lonely.

So what can make a good person repel people without bad habits or bad intent? This has been a question that I've asked of myself over the years, and I don't have a good answer.  But I know that I feel much more confident when presenting as Marian.  This might be because I have less social history as Marian, and less history of being rejected by people.  Our experiences add up over the years and influence how we express ourselves.  We learn to be timid or assertive from the body languages and spoken languages of our parents, coupled with the experiences we endure as we grow up. It's hard to undo these "lessons", as they force us to repeat these unproductive expressions of body language and of spoken language.

Luckily, being trans and expressing ourselves in our identified gender starts to liberate us.  We learn how to communicate in new ways and learning a new gender body language makes it easier for us to feel more confident and relaxed.  No, transition does not solve our problems.  But it gives us a tool to help us on our way to dealing with those problems effectively.  If it weren't for the fact that I want romance in my life more than transition, I'd be rushing down my path of transition because of the freedom I'm experiencing as Marian....