Seeing the movie, "Paint"

 

Paint.  It's a wonderful little comedy starring Owen Wilson.  Other than a deliberate passing similarity in appearance to the late PBS host, Bob Ross, Wilson plays a unique and sympathetic character.  And it is a film well worth seeing before it makes it to cable TV.

But first....

Last night, RQS and I went to see this movie.  I wasn't sure of what to expect, save that Wilson went out to mimic the soft spoken feel of Bob Ross's programs.  Could this film be a parody of Bob Ross?  Maybe.  I was prepared for anything from a cynical, biting comedy to a love story told with humor. If this story tells of the growth of an apparent one-dimensional character to a person of depth.  Yes, it is, in part, a love story.  But not in the way one might think.

Sadly, if I say too much about this film, I will spoil it for those who haven't seen it.  But I will say that the protagonist's van is called "Vantastic", the same tagline that one of my favorite cruise bloggers uses. I can say, there is one joke that requires that the viewer wait to the end of the film to enjoy and it involves a modern artist known the world over.

Sometimes, it's better to stay home - a short post

 

Since RQS was getting together for dinner with an old friend tonight, I had a choice to make.  Do I go into NYC and attend one of the last 20 at 20 off-Broadway specials ?  Or, do I stay home, go shopping, and have a quiet night by myself?  Well, I'm glad I chose the latter....

I didn't get moving until 5 pm.  And I ended up making the choice to go for dinner at a local diner, then going to Wegmans to go grocery shopping. This was a stroke of fortune, as I had major GI tract issues after I finished loading my car and needed access to a rest room.  I could also say that I was glad to be in Marian mode, as it gave me more options after cleaning myself up.  

More often than not, wearing women's clothing can be much more inconvenient than wearing men's clothing.  Yet, I prefer doing this, as I feel that I can be my authentic self this way.  (Now, if only I had more physical attributes of a cisgender female.  I'd love to have a nice pair of breasts to put into my bras. Yet, that's a future stop on my path towards femininity.)  In the future, I will be making hard decisions, with input from my partner - how far do I really want to go, and will it be worth doing with the sacrifices being made?  Hopefully, the trade-offs will be small in relation to the gains I make.

Game Night - Not much to say tonight

 

It's the first Thursday of the month, and it was time to play games again.  For me, it's not whether I win or lose the game, or even play the game itself, it's being with people who accept me as Marian.

- - - - - -

Today was a day that I spent doing nothing, save cook some ribs. Knowing that the ribs had to be cooked today, I made sure to start cooking them right after I made breakfast for myself.  It was nice to have some home cooking for a change, even if I cooked my meal itself. Later on, the ribs were done.  And they weren't as good as the ribs I cooked last week. Next time, I'll place them on a rack, so that the fat doesn't keep my glaze from sticking to the ribs.

Around 5:30, I decided to get ready for game night. I decided to get into the dress I got in the Mystery Box, as it was warm enough to wear a short sleeved dress. And then, I went to game night - late.  Unlike most game nights, I didn't have the chance to get into a game.  Instead, I was gabbing with people who just finished their game.  

As I said, not much to say tonight....

I've been hemming and hawing about getting my ears pierced - until now.

 

I've had a set of pierced earrings for ages, but have never used them because my ears weren't pierced.  I've hemmed and hawed about getting this done, and I'm about to finally bite the bullet and get this done. 

Some of my worries about this were related to how noticeable the tiny studs would be while the ear healed.  I didn't want either my doctor or my brother to notice the piercings at this time.  Once the piercing has healed, I could cover the hole with a dab of makeup and clean it up when I got home. Now, I'm more secure in myself, and I want to proceed on my next step to femininity.

Although RQS had her ears pierced once, the holes have closed and it is time to do it again.  Given that I've read that piercing shops do a better job than mall operators with piercing guns, I'm  planning on making an appointment with RQS to get our ears pierced at the same time.  Once done, we will be following a regimen of tasks to keep the piercings clean while they heal.

Am I nervous?  Yes.  But it could be much worse....

RQS is warming up to a cruise with me dressed to the nines

 

The other day, RQS was going through her closet to find clothing that might be appropriate to wear on a cruise's formal nights.  She found a glittery red jacket that she could wear with a black dress.  And then she found an outfit similar to that I am wearing in the above photo. I joked that we both should wear these outfits on an upcoming cruise (not one we have already booked), and she didn't run away from me.  Instead, she found the idea quite interesting.

To be serious, I do not wish to plan a cruise with RQS, just so that we can be together with me presenting as Marian.  But I do want to go on cruises with me as Marian, and have RQS come along with me.  There is a difference.  In the first case, the cruise is used as a venue to dress up.  In the second case, we're going on the cruise anyway, so why not dress up?  I have a couple of ideas for cruises where it makes sense for me to be presenting myself as Marian.  And one of them would be much more fun with me in Marian mode, as I look much better in formal women's wear than in formal men's wear. (And no, I do not intend to show a picture of me as Mario right now.)  But if I'm going to do that trip, I will need to lose another 50 lbs. before doing so - I want to look pretty in those pictures.

Right now, RQS and I are finalizing plans to take a trip to the Windy City in the fall.  Knowing where we stand with our finances is the key to taking this trip.  For taking our cruises, it will be an even greater expense to plan for, as each cruise will likely set us back over $2,000pp, with one of them being in the $6,000+pp range if we can afford it.  So traveling as Marian takes a back seat to getting the most value out of each trip - as I want RQS to enjoy the trip as much as I do.

I may never stay at the Tropicana in Atlantic City again.

 

When XGFJ and I were dating, we went to Atlantic City several times and stayed at the Tropicana. In the past, I'd think this place gave good value for prices charged - even with the nonsense "resort fee" tacked on to the bill.  Today, I have the exact opposite opinion, in part, because the hotel part of the complex is not user friendly.

- - - - - -

On Sunday, RQS and I decided to spend an overnight in Atlantic City, so that we could visit sites important to her and her late husband.  As usual, I did the driving, and it took us roughly 4 hours to make it from Northern Westchester to Atlantic City. And that's where our problems began....

Arriving in AC, we didn't know where the self-park lot was for the hotel (they have two).  Signage pointed to one, while we should have been directed to the other lot.  (That was forgivable, but is another issue.)  So we parked in the self-park lot that I was familiar with, and proceeded to the check-in area for the hotel. That's where our first frustration occurred.  Instead of having a human at a check-in desk, they only had machines.  It took a while for us to figure things out, but we got our room keys with some printed documentation.

At this point, we knew we had to go to the Chelsea Tower, but there was no signage from where we were to find our way there.  We asked one person, and he only pointed us in a direction, as he was not fluent in the English language.  So I ended up asking people at the next store how to get there, and they gave me the information needed.  AARGH! Upper management has made the hotel a human unfriendly experience, and it started to leave a disgusting taste in our mouths.  We did find our room, and then RQS went to the beach for the sunset.

Not everything was bad with the Tropicana, it was just second rate at best.  For example, the grill surrounding the HVAC equipment was not secured correctly.  But the AC unit did cool off the room to a desired temperature.  We had an ice bucket for the room, but the ice machine was on the floor below us.  We had a refrigerator in the room, but it was not working.  Although the bed was comfortable, the mattress and bed spring slid around on the bed platform when I was getting dressed.  No good thing was good in its own right, save maybe the restaurant we ate at.  The Chinese restaurant in the Quarter was very good, and we'd both go there again.

The next morning, we had our next set of problems at the hotel.  We had no information on how and where to check out.  We saw no check-in/check-out kiosks.  We saw no hotel lobby.  We saw no information posted anywhere on how to check out.  So RQS called the hotel staff for information, and they said to go to the main lobby.  But where was that?  No humans were in any of the expected places, nor was there adequate signage to direct us to that lobby.  The person at the other end of the line spoke in heavily accented English, and had a hard time understanding RQS's simple request.  By this time we were totally frustrated, and we went to the same check-in/check-out kiosks to check out - and couldn't complete the check-out process.  At this point, we were totally frustrated, and decided to leave and let things sort themselves out.  In the elevator, we met another couple who had the same problem we did. So we knew this was not a problem limited to us.

Later on, when we were in Ocean Grove, RQS checked her email - and they were billing her for 2 days' lodging.  RQS was upset enough that we agreed to try to get this fixed at my place, when we've had a chance to rest. And we took care of RQS's business in Ocean Grove before meandering back home. Yet, this was not the end of the story.  RQS called the hotel, and they referred her to the billing department, knowing it was closed for the day.  AARGH!  If RQS were prone to hair pulling, she'd have less hair than I do as a male. So, she let it all out in an inquiry form on the Tropicana's site, and I hope she'll get this fixed.  Otherwise, she'll deal with her bank regarding the incorrect charge.

 

PS: The hotel contacted RQS a day later and fixed the problem.  Although the problem was resolved, it still left a bad taste in our mouths due to the aggravation we dealt with that day.

I miss my former boss - a short post

 

Here is the face of a good man who meant a lot to people outside his family.  His life was cut short by a drunken hit-and-run driver,  But you may wonder, why am I making note of him here?

Well, this good man was a voice of calm in a sea of confusion.  When I first met him, the bank I worked for went through a nasty hostile takeover battle, and he was one of the people who had to earn the trust of the new people he supervised.  Over the years he worked for the bank, he did just that and was respected by all that knew him.

What most people didn't see is that he was quietly able to preserve (for a while) the careers of several people who worked for him when the next corporate merger occurred.  He made sure that the people taking over our area knew the value of a handful of key employees (myself included) that were needed to keep the technology infrastructure running.  He could have survived as well, but he didn't want to relocate himself again, this time to a city he hated.

Since that time, we stayed in contact over the years, and we met for lunch on the day that I was laid off from the bank.  (That was a weird coincidence!) We'd get together at the Cheesecake Factory in West Nyack, a place which was equidistant from our houses. And when Covid hit, we'd meet via Zoom.  Who knew that when I tried to set up the next Zoom meeting, I'd find out of his passing?

I was lucky to meet this man's family sitting Shiva.  I only wish I could have met them while he was alive. I told the family about things I knew about him, and they shard things they knew about me and the office. And all too soon, we had to part ways.

As much as I am not much of a believer in the afterlife, I do believe that if there is one, he will be a good place.  At least, I hope so....

They're coming to take us away, oh no!

 

While semi-conscious this morning, I stumbled into a news article that disturbed me.  It concerned a Texas library removing LGBT books from the shelves, and a Federal judge ordering their replacement.  As much as I want to be surprised to see these things happen, I am not.  The radical right has decided to stop going after the whole of the LGBT community and start to pick on a segment of the community that has a hard time being in stealth mode - us transgenders.

One of the first things that authoritarian wannabe groups try to do is to censor historical information. By purging information from the historical record that conflicts with the group's agenda, they can isolate those who do not share the goals of the group.  In America, we do not see many book burnings. Yet, we do see attempts to keep politically incorrect books out of libraries. 

But how does this happen?

The American Library Association (ALA) says that the following criteria are used:

• Present and potential relevance to community needs.
• Suitability of physical form for library use.
• Suitability of subject and style for intended audience.

But who chooses relevance to community needs and suitability of subject?  If one lives in a metropolitan environment, one is likely to find a diverse set of reading materials,  In my library, I might be able to find books chronicling the history of the LGBT community, with Mein Kampf in another aisle. Yet, this diversity may not be found in a small community library in Kansas for many reasons, one of which might be censorship.

I find it hard to excuse censorship for any reason.  Yet, I can see why it may be needed in limited circumstances, such as when a country is at war.  But how does one root out falsehoods and destroy them?  We suffered for 4 years with president Trump, with human garbage such as Kelly Anne Conway spouting out bullshit like "alternative facts".  No, things are either objective facts, or they are falsehoods.  There is no in-between on this matter.  Authoritarians use lies to control people.  They use fear to control people.  And they use hate to control people.

Years ago, Martin Niemöller, a Lutheran pastor who was a political prisoner for 8 years said:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

America is in danger of making the same mistakes that were made in Germany 90 years ago.  I hope we can check these authoritarian wannabes before it's too late.

 

Traditional Tax Day

 

Lately, I've been writing posts that are published 2 weeks later. These posts reflect the "present tense" at the time I write them, and not when they are available to my readers. I figure that when I get to travel, I won't be doing any writing during each trip, and will be playing catch-up when I get back.  This post is an exception to my usual way of doing things, as it is meant to be read on "Tax Day", and be current for that date.

One of the problems with our tax system is that it's hard to determine how much tax to withhold when one has multiple income sources.  Last year, I had income from a job, income from a pension, income from rental property, and income from other investments.  When I was working, I tried to over-withhold money from my paychecks to compensate for under-withholding from my other income sources.  What is most frustrating is that I need to spend several hundred dollars each year just to fill out forms the government needs to validate that I have paid enough in taxes each year.  This doesn't make much sense.  We need a tax system that is efficient, fair, and generates a maximum of revenue for government to use.

I'm not going to get into a long-winded discussion of the tax system, its flaws, and the trade-offs needed to create a better system.  No system could please everyone, and we have too much invested in our terrible system to take the social risk of making changes. 

So, why am I talking about taxes here?  This blog is a journal about my life as a transgender person living in the New York area.  The answer is simple.  Many things that transgender people deal with are just as mundane as the things that cisgender people deal with.  We just have a few more complications in our lives that get in the way of living those lives.

The other day, I recommended that RQS see a transgender accountant that I know.  She has just received her tax paperwork to sign, and is happy with the work that was done for her.  Yes, RQS still misgenders this accountant when talking with me, as all she has heard is the accountant's male voice - and that keeps triggering the use of the incorrect pronoun. I'm not going to hold it against RQS, as I've done the same thing when talking with another transgender acquaintance of mine.  And even my best friends have done it with me.  It is the price we pay, a tax on our souls you may call it, to be able to be out there as our authentic selves.  We may be free, but we must pay the price for that freedom in many ways.

I don't quibble about the overall amount of taxes I pay, as I've seen how much good government can do with that money. And I don't quibble when my friends and acquaintances misgender me by accident, as they will always be getting used to getting pronouns straight for people they first knew as part of the opposite gender....

I saw a busker I haven't seen in years

 

The Saw Lady.  Since I've stopped working in Lower Manhattan, I haven't seen her perform.  Given that she responded to me in my old blog, I figured that looking for her in one of the subway stations I'd be going through today made sense - and I spotted her at Union Square.  We chatted for a minute before I had to leave.

But first....

When I woke up today, I wasn't sure of what I was going to do.  Should I go to the Universal Standard sample sale, or should I go to my former boss's burial.  Well, luck made the decision for me.  I looked at my calendar and noticed that I had forgotten about lunch with a former coworker from the census.  So, I shaved, showered, and applied my makeup - and got dressed as a female.  This would be the last time I could go out as a female, so I made the most of it.

First, I met my friend at the restaurant down the hill, and has a nice Mexican lunch.  Our time together was too short, and yet just right.  After an hour or so, I had to run to the local train station to go into NYC. And then, I had an uneventful ride into Grand Central before getting onto the subway going downtown.

At Union Square, I changed trains, and walked from the IRT to the BMT side of the station.  And there, I saw the Saw Lady.  It was nice seeing her again, but I don't think she remembered writing to me on my old blog.  I didn't say much about that, but I did get memories of my commute to the Trade Center area. Since I had to make it to Universal Standard, I bid her a quick farewell - and off I went to the Sample Sale.

While at the sample sale, I found the above Merino Wool sweater in a pale sky blue shade, and picked it up for only $35.  The sweater feels so light, it's almost like wearing nothing at all - and yet, it's doing it's job. But the most interesting aspects about this trip were two things: a chat I had with a lady regarding women treating the sales floor like a private changing room, and the smart idea one woman had to wear a unitard, so that she could change in and out of everything and still keep her modesty.  The lady I chatted with said that she was uncomfortable in some environments like this, as she once was at a sale where one woman stripped down to her panties (no bra) and changed into some garments.  She didn't mind seeing other women in bra and panties getting into clothes.  But the experience of seeing a woman wearing only a thong made her uncomfortable. Regarding the second lady, she mentioned that this would be as close to being naked as possible, and yet be clothed.  So she could try on everything and not bother people with an excess state of undress.  I might do this for the next sample sale.

I ended up returning home just before rush hour.  Normally, before Covid, I wouldn't have gotten a seat.  Today, I had no problems doing so.  I'm glad that I don't do this anymore on a regular basis. 

I was hemming and hawing about which day to take care of things

 

By the time you read this, I will have already made my decision on alternatives to choose from, and taken care of my responsibilities.

Let me explain....

My ex-boss was killed due to a drunk driver doing a hit-and-run over the weekend, leaving him with injuries that caused his death the day afterwards.  I just received information on when he is being buried, as well as the 3 days the family is sitting Shiva. (Traditionally, Jews sit Shiva for 7 days, but many non-traditional people reduce the duration of this practice.)  And here is where my conflict arises.

I just received an email regarding a second sample sale that Universal Standard is having this weekend. If I were to go to the sample sale on Thursday, I'd have to visit the family on Sunday.  If I were to go to the burial, I wouldn't be able to go to the sample sale, as plans for Friday, Saturday and Sunday preclude a sample sale visit.  The way I am leaning right now, I'll go to the sample sale tomorrow and hope that I can find either of the cashmere or merino wool sweaters I want (at a great discount), and get back home before rush hour.  If I can do this, I'll have the option of visiting the family before the end of the day on Thursday.  If I can't get back before rush hour, I'd still be able to visit on Sunday - on our way to the Jersey shore.  

You might be asking about my plans for Friday and Saturday.  Well, this is RQS's birthday weekend, and I want to make sure that our original and paid for plans aren't interrupted by unplanned for events. RQS knows about my minor dilemma, and will support me no matter what I do.

I am more excited about a trip we're taking in the fall, than one in the summer.

The "Electric Kidney Bean", it's a beautiful piece of art in Chicago's Millennium Park.  And I'll be seeing it in person again this fall. I am looking forward to this trip much more than I am looking forward to my upcoming California cruise.  

And, why so?

Unlike my upcoming visit to California, my visit to Chicago will be done as my authentic self.  I'll be traveling as Marian for the trip, RQS will be accompanying me, and we'll be seeing my two friends from Texas.  After as many visits to California as I have done, a short stop in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and San Diego isn't all that exciting.  However, I've only been able to stay in Chicago twice for more than a day or so.  There is a lot that is still new to me there, and I want to see it all.

- - - - - -

RQS is looking forward to visiting Chicago, as she's catching up on the life she envisioned herself living when she was younger.  (No, I will not go into her unfulfilled early adult wishes here.  But I will say, that like my life, her life turned out much differently than she planned.)  It'll be nice showing her around the Windy City, as well as feasting on local specialties such as Deep Dish Pizza.  We'll have fun going to the Art Institute together, as well as being with friends with whom I grew close via Zoom chats.

The big question is: What does everyone else want to do?

I am a museum rat.  If the museum is large enough, or unique enough, you will find me wanting to go there.  In Philadelphia, I'd want to go to the Mutter Museum.  In New York, I'd look up the Museum of Finance.  In DC, I'd look to visit the International Spy Museum.  But what will we want to see in Chicago?  To answer that question, I'd build a list of places and things I want to see:

1. The Willis (formerly Sears) tower glass platforms.
   Assuming that I am wearing a dress that day, it will be the most unusual "up skirt" view possible, as I'll be standing on a clear platforming overlooking the sidewalk plaza below.
   
2. The International Museum of Surgical Science.
   This is Chicago's answer to Philadelphia's Mutter Museum.  I'm a person who likes odd things, and this would be an appropriately odd place to visit.
3. Wooden Block Alley.
   This is one of the last places in Chicago paved with wooden blocks.  Just like New York's cobblestone streets, Chicago's wood paved streets are almost all gone.  And it would be nice to see this historical relic.
4. Remnants of the World's Colombian Exhibition of 1893.
   The Japanese Garden is one of the few things that are left from this exhibition that took place 130 years ago.  Given that I love the Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park, this place is on my list of gardens to visit.
5. The Money Museum. (Not open to public since March 15, 2020)
   Chicago's Federal Reserve Bank has a museum of money that people can visit.  Ask yourself, when was the last time one could stand in the shadow of $1,000,000, and you'll know why this place is worth the visit.
6. The Billy Goat Tavern.
   The owner of the original Billy Goat Tavern cursed the Cubs to never win another world series.  And this was an effective curse, as it took the Cubs over 100 years to break the curse several years ago.  More recently, it was the inspiration for the Olympia Cafe skit on Saturday Night Live.  What better place to get a Cheeseburger with Chips and Pepsi than the place that started it all?
7. The Chicago Crime Tour.
   What visit to Chicago could be complete without visiting places that (Big) Al Capone made famous?
8. Chicago Pedway Tour.
   Chicago has a great underground system of walking paths which connect many of its downtown office buildings  Not all of the underground sections are connected to each other.  But enough of them are to make a tour worth taking.
9. Frank Lloyd Wright home and studio tour.
   I've taken this tour before.  But it is classic architecture that is timeless.  There are other Wright buildings in Oak Park that are worth seeing, and I hope to see more than this one while in Chicago.

I could go on and on, but I decided to leave off places significantly south of the loop for simplicity and safety.  This is not a city that I am not yet familiar with, and I heed the warning of Jim Croce when he sings that the South Side of Chicago is the Baddest Part of Town.  Why venture too far to the south, unless the White Sox are playing that day?

As you can see, this is a sample list that's going to be edited with the help of the women who will be with me.  It'll be new for all of us, and that's why I'm excited about this trip most of all!

There are differing degrees of being busy....

 

Later this week, I will be heading down to Queens to meet with RQS and take her to the theater.  We will be seeing Sarah Millican perform at the Beacon Theater in NYC.  From there, we will be going back to her place to pick up some luggage, and then go to my house for a couple of evenings before spending a night in New Jersey.  I'll be all over the place when I'd rather be spending time near home.

- - - - - -

In December 2021, I met a woman who cruises at least 3-4 times each year. Last year, she made it both to Africa and Antarctica.  This year, it's a couple of Alaska cruises, with an east coast run later in the year.  Next year, it's off to Australia and then a partial crossing of the Pacific.  I am very envious!  But then, I am trying to figure out ways that I can afford to sail more often than I do.

I've been writing notes about the things I've learned about cruising and plan to start writing a blog about my travels.  It is something that will keep my mind active, as well as give me a reason to keep up my travels.  Although I have sailed 10-11 times, I feel that I have exhausted many of the typical North American cruise experiences on the major cruise lines.  Caribbean islands all seem to have forts, shopping districts, and beaches.  The New England/Canada route tends to become repetitive after a couple of sailings.  And the Alaska route could have a "been there, done that" feel after a cruise there.  Hawaii stands out only because of the travel needed to reach these islands in the middle of the pacific.  And yet, it's not a cruise that may hold one's interest after a second trip. So, it'll be a good thing to expand my horizons and travel further afield.

- - - - - -

Being busy may mean different things to different people.  To me, being busy is more the idea of keeping one's mind occupied than one's body occupied.  I keep myself busy by planning trips and writing about my experiences - especially those regarding life as a transgender person.  As long as I have things to look forward to, I hope to keep myself busy by preparing for those things to happen. It should be a good time....

I thought the day ended well until....

 

For the past few years, my brother has done the books and took care of the management duties for the house we rent out.  So I was glad when my brother texted me to let me know that the paperwork for 2022 taxes was ready, and that I could send it to my accountant.  I was in a good mood until I checked back on my computer and found a message from a friend's son.  His dad was killed in a hit-and-run incident, with a drunken driver leaving the scene of the accident.  If I had not texted my friend today, I'd have never known this had happened.

My former boss was one of three people that I wanted to stay in contact with after leaving the bank.  The first of these three passed away 365 days after we were both laid off in 2014.  Hopefully, he was able to collect his full pension in a lump sum payment, as he would have gotten a small fraction of that if the bank paid him the value of his ESOP shares.  The second person died about 4 years ago, and I was the only person from the bank who attended his wake.  And now, the last person has died due to some drunk's stupidity.  

Sometime this week, I expect to visit his family as they sit Shiva. Although I just had a mani-pedi, intending to spend the week as Marian, I will remove the polish and visit in Mario mode.  Neither he, nor his family knew about Marian, and this would not be the time or place to let them know.  Instead, it's the time to show respect for my friend and to try and comfort his family as best as possible.

Do I need a support group? Can I help others in one?

 

I am a bit of an oxymoron.  The more female I become, the healthier my male personality becomes.  When I started going out in the world as Marian, I made a lot of beginner mistakes common to transgender people learning the ways of their identified gender. Over the years, I've learned how to dress the way cisgender women do, I've learned some of the communications skills that cisgender women use, and I've learned how to blend in as an oversized woman.

The question comes to mind now and then:

Could I have avoided making many of the mistakes I made, had I been part of a support group?

There is no way to answer this question, as I chose to learn by making a lot of mistakes.  A failed romance got in the way, as the fallout of that relationship made it impractical to develop simple friendships in the northern part of the region in which I live.  But I have learned, and wonder whether I have knowledge worth passing on to others.

A while back, I saw an acquaintance who once authored a blog documenting her TG journey.  When I had last met her before, she (when presenting as a male) had a subtle feminine softness to her masculine presentation.  In my most recent visit, she was presenting in an androgynous way - but not in a way that she'd easily blend with a group of typical cisgender males.  This is something I want to avoid at all costs in my masculine and feminine presentations. Since it is not my place to comment on my acquaintance's presentation, I did not do so.  And in doing so here, it is only to give her a lot of credit for not worrying about how others think of the way she dresses.  More people should have the courage to do what she is doing.  

So this makes me think of another question:

Can I help other "closeted" and "out" transgender people with my experiences?

If in the context of being a regular member of a support group, I don't think so.  But if it is in the context of an occasional contact with members of a support, or with the general public, I think I can do so.  I certainly have enough experiences that I can relate that will help others, as well as help many in the general public see us as "normal" people with one non-traditional trait.  

Hopefully, I will find more ways to give back to our community....

Booking a trip with RQS as Marian

 

Last night, RQS and I decided to drop the hammer and book our first trip together with me presenting as Marian for the entire trip.  This will be another test of our relationship, as she has never spent more than 2 or 3 days together with me when presenting as a female.  And, if all goes right, we will meet up with two friends of mine from Texas for a Girls' Weekend.

I'll admit that I am a little bit hesitant about booking this trip, as it will be the 4th trip we've booked for this year, and I'm a little concerned about spending beyond our means to explore the world.  I'm also a little bit nervous about meeting my friends from Texas, even though they know that I am transgender.  But then, I've always been a little bit of a worry-wort when it comes to spending money at times.

This will be a trip that I can do with just a carry-on bag and a personal item.  I figure that we'll stay in Chicago for a slightly extended long weekend, while the girls will leave the day before us.  This way, we will have some time for ourselves to relax before flying home.  If I've planned things correctly, we'll have been able to spend a long weekend together in a big city for under $1,000/pp.   The big question is: If I've priced out a 3 night stay with air from Dallas, will either (or both) of the 2 ladies be able to afford the trip?  If not, then RQS and I will have a great weekend away from home.  Either way, we should have a great time away from home!

ps: The trip is now booked, and one of my two Texas friends has already booked her trip.  I can't wait for this trip to begin!

pps: It's been over a week and a half now, and the second Texas friend has not yet booked her trip.  I wonder when or if she will do so.  Hopefully soon.

Date nights for Marian - a short post

 

It's a strange feeling for me to have a relationship with a woman who accepts me for who and what I am. Do we attach labels to our relationship?  No.  But it is very interesting to see us addressed as two women, and not see RQS flinch when this is done.  I am very lucky to have this woman in my life - and I know it.

Like most couples, date nights for us are both nothing special to the world, and everything special for us. These are our nights to connect with each other, whether I am presenting as Marian or as Mario. To me, it is even more special to me when RQS says that we should go out as two women.  When we do so, we do not show as much PDA as we usually might. But then, we are usually in Westchester at these times.

It is not an uncommon things to see same sex couples out in the world these days. When RQS and I were on our last cruise together, the couple in the next cabin were likely a same sex couple.  This is a good thing for us and our future plans.  Yet, I must always remember that RQS wants a relationship with Mario as well.  So, I try to make sure that Mario is always there for her when expected and wanted.

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I wonder what it will be like for us when we go on a cruise with me presenting as Marian for the entire cruise.  Will RQS be comfortable spending an entire week (or more) with me in Marian mode?  What about PDAs?  Will a cruise be a 7 night date for us?  Only time will tell.

Lots of stuff is on order - some needed, some just wanted, and some that may not make perfect sense.

This is a lousy picture of me. I finally got the chance to go out tonight as Marian, and decided to try on this Universal Standard "Mystery Box" dress after I got home, while I was still made up to go out.  I'm not so happy with this color, and I am not that happy with the way it drapes on me.  But maybe, it's because I'm tired and looking to get ready for bed.

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Right now, I have a similar dress on order, as well as a body short.  I think that the above dress will look OK in a darker, stronger color, and may be good for wearing in the summer.  As for the body short, it doesn't make sense unless I find a local yoga class for beginners that I can go to which accepts gender non-conforming people in the class.  (And I have been looking!)  In addition to this, I have a couple of bracelets from Lane Bryant on order that I know I'll be wearing often.

It is not only clothing and jewelry that I have on order.  I also have my daily medications coming from the mail order pharmacy.  However, my doctor just changed my prescriptions, and some of what I'll be receiving will simply get stored away until a possible future need.  It's hard to believe how expensive some medicines can be.  On my last visit, my doctor suggested that I try a heavily advertised drug to see how it works.  Since I couldn't get refreshed information on which drugs to stop taking when taking the new drug, I skipped it and stayed on the old regimen.  This is just as well.  My doctor found out that the new drug costs $500/month and is not covered by my insurance.  I'm glad that I didn't place an order for this drug!

My doctor runs a small private practice.  He has avoided joining the big chains, and has figured out how to stay relevant in an age of large medical chains.  He also hates "Big Pharma", but  was unable to engage him in a long enough conversation to find out what his issues with the medical establishment are.  Given that he is a conservative person a few years older than I am, I have no intention of presenting myself to him as Marian.  I'll start presenting myself as female to my next doctor when that day comes.

I figure that I still need to find a small gift for RQS within the next week.  What I get may not make much sense.  But I must make sure that she feels good when she gets it. 

As I write this, a sad day.

 

As much as some people are happy to see this day, smart people also have a bit of sadness too.  Our former president has been indicted on 34 counts in New York State.  We have never seen anything like this before, and it will be a precedent no matter what results from the trial.

People who know me know that I despise our former president for how he divided this country and for how he normalized extremist nuts.  Even worse, he created a situation where professional politicians are afraid of his supporters - something reminiscent of 1930's Germany.  And yet, our republic has survived - so far.

Trump's lawyers have characterized this indictment as a political action, claiming that the ex-president's opponents are using the courts to harm him.  I find this amazing, as Trump is known for using the courts to get his way with others.  He claims that he is a political victim.  But he brought it on himself.  He pissed off too many people, and is now finding that Karma is a bitch.

I, for one, am upset that the trial will not take place until 2024, and that he will not be under any gag order to keep from aggravating the public in a way that would allow for a fair trial by a jury of his peers. I am also upset that there is no way to accelerate this case, so that it will not affect next year's election season.  I will be upset if this case creates a possible constitutional crisis, if Trump is elected but the trial is still taking place.  As they say, "Justice Delayed is Justice Denied" and Trump continues his tactic of trying to run out the clock.

It's a sad time for America, as we can no longer automatically hold our presidents in high esteem anymore.  This indictment shows us that our leaders are only human and must be held accountable for their actions when called for.  In short, it's time for America to grow up and realize that we are no longer the special "Beacon on the Hill" that we once thought this nation to be.

Thinking of taking a short trip to Atlantic City for its cheap midweek rates

 

RQS and I have discussed taking care of a personal errand somewhere on the New Jersey coast.  But most of the good places to stay are way overpriced for this time of year.  So I had a thought: Why not stay in Atlantic City overnight and save a few dollars?  There are some good places to eat near the casinos, and we could be wide awake when we took care of our errand.

Assuming we take this trip, we'll be taking advantage of a midweek special, where the hotel part of the complex is giving away the rooms to make a few extra dollars.  There is no way that I'd pay to stay in Atlantic City on the weekend, as a room I could get for roughly $50+tax could cost me over $300+tax. Ouch! The big question which I might have asked would be whether I would travel as Marian or as Mario. But I think it would be best for me to travel as Mario, so that I can avoid possible complications with hotel/casino security.  Could I change while in the room?  Yes.  But why bother?

I have gone to Atlantic City several times in the past.  Once with a former GF from Staten Island, and two/three times with XGFJ.  Most of the time, gambling bores me.  So, on the last trip with XGFJ, I was in the room reading a book when she came to the room escorted by security.  She had won $7,500+ at a slot machine, and didn't want to get mugged on the way to the room.  As for me, I was happy for her. But I simply didn't want to allow myself to get used to sitting in front of a one armed bandit and letting it suck money from my wallet because I got into a zone.

So what do I expect from this trip?

RQS and I will get to Atlantic City in the evening, have dinner, and go to bed.  The next morning after breakfast, we'll drive to Ocean Grove and take care of an errand before returning home.  I expect that we will have a nice time, and that RQS will finally take care of something she was unable to take care of before.  Yet, there is not much that will get me to go to Atlantic City again, as there is little to do except to gamble in this seaside resort town.