It always seems as if I'm getting interrupted during my favorite TV show.

I can't help but wish I could trigger the tune "Park Avenue Beat" to play on the speaker when this entry gets opened.  It would only be fitting given the picture above.

- - - - - -

Today, I was fully awake when my favorite morning TV show came on.  And about 40 minutes into the show, I received a call that I didn't answer.  Seems like my cleaning lady wants to come 2 weeks early, as her next visit would coincide with Thanksgiving.  AARGH!  I have yet to pick up the cleaning supplies she requested on her last visit.  Luckily, I have a change of bed linens ready for her to put on the bed.

Around noon, I ended up going to the dentist, and I got some bad news.  A tooth that my former dentist was monitoring was about to fail, so my wallet will be $2500 lighter sometime next month.  OUCH!   At least I can plan for this expense, as well as another tooth that is likely to fail next year. Once done with the dentist, I went to a local pizzeria to get some lunch before going home to change into a female presentation for tonight's dinner. 

After I had changed, I performed a couple of errands before driving up to Fishkill for dinner. And at 5:45, I was on my way.  GFJ had called me while I was getting ready to leave, so I called her back.  She was on her way to her dining meetup - at the Culinary Institute of America, while I was on my way to the Dutchess Biercafe.  What was most unusual about our chat had nothing to do with its content.  Instead, we were able to keep talking, even though I drove through an area that I usually lose phone service along Route 9.  (T-Mobile has many more dead spots than Verizon, and I am still thinking of changing carriers almost a year after I started on their network.)  Both of us reached our destinations at the same time, so we agreed to call each other back after dinner.

Our meetup group had the whole of one room to ourselves.  It was very noisy, but it was fun.  WDJ sat at the table behind me, and we didn't get the chance to talk much.  Luckily, there were other ladies at my table with whom I enjoyed some nice chats.  Although the Biercafe had a restaurant week menu, I chose to order a dinner sized appetizer off the main menu - "The Best of the Wurst".  (I love German style sausages!)  And this was more than enough food for me.

On the way home, I stopped at Walmart to pick up cleaning supplies for my cleaning lady to use.  Since she will be coming tomorrow afternoon, I figured that I needed to pick up these supplies tonight.  Once out of Walmart, it was time for another phone call to GFJ.  She had still not prepared for her trip.  Hopefully, she'll do a load of wash, then dry it tonight, as she'll be very busy in the morning before she gets on the road....

Lunch with my Ex-Boss

Today I had two things on my docket, and both of them had to be done in my male presentation.  First was lunch with my Ex-Boss, and then my monthly Co-Op Board meeting. And I was wishing that I could have put on a dress and gone to a museum....

- - - - - -

Normally, I don't fully wake up until sometime between 8:30 and 10:00.  Today, my journey to full consciousness started a little before 10:00, and I wasn't really moving until 10:30.  This gave me about 2 hours to get dressed (as Mario), pick up my iPad (with its new battery), then drive to Rockland County to meet my ex-boss.  And I barely accomplished all this in time.

Lunch with my ex-boss is always interesting, as we talk about the past, present and future.  The past is usually business talk, and today was no different than usual.  But today, I had job interviews to tell him about (without mention of going as Marian).  And this was pleasant news to relate. Then we got into our usual political conversation - and we both have the same fears about the present and future.  Neither of us like our president, and we both have concerns about what would happen if he stays in office, or is replaced by the vice president.  We can't wait until 11/03/20, when we can exercise our right to vote....

Since we were expecting winter weather, we ended lunch a little earlier than usual.  Luckily, none of the bad weather arrived before I started my drive home.  And I was inside my apartment before 4:00.  This gave me enough time to take care of some things and get ready for the co-op board meeting.

As usual, I won't go into details about the board meeting.  But, compared with this time last year, everything was better than we expected.  Everything was in order, and we were very happy with the way things had developed over the past year.  Yes, there are some headaches that we (and other co-op boards) need to address because of New York State law changes that took place this summer.  But we can now give them the proper thought required, an effort that would have been impossible at this time last year.

And sometimes, I even get phone calls.

Last night, I was talking to Maria for the better part of an hour.  She needed someone she could talk with, and I was the designated recipient of the phone call.  So, I listened to her vent about her husband's illness, her daughter's chemical imbalance and irresponsibility, and the breakdown of her computer.  Today, we had plans to talk with each other when she got off of work.

- - - - - -

This morning, I had totally forgotten about Maria's call as I went about my day.  Not having that much to do, I had the TV on in the background when she called. It seems as Maria was helped by last night's chat, as she was telling me about the sequence of events for her day - work, dropping the computer off at a fix-it shop, and then taking her husband for continuing medical care.

Maria is the type of person for whom doing the right thing isn't enough to keep bad things from happening.  When her first marriage ended, she was left with only the roof over her head.  For 6 months or so, she was sleeping on a bed she borrowed fro me.  Her ex-husband had taken almost all the furniture in the house as he left.  Her second (and current) husband had his own issues that I won't go into right now. It is the aftermath of these issues that is adding to Maria's problems.  Couple this with a daughter who is irresponsible, a grandson that Maria is raising, and a granddaughter on the way, and Maria is highly stressed.

Sadly, I don't see a happy end in sight for Maria.  Her husband is not the type of person who could advocate for himself that well, and seems to have given up on life.  I hope I'm wrong, but I'll be there for my friend of several decades when the worst inevitably happens.

Sometimes, I even go to church.

It's hard to believe, but this was the second week in a row that I've attended a church service.  No, I don't expect to become a weekly participant in services.  Instead, I intend to use this opportunity to become part of a larger community as Marian.

Some would say that getting out and about as Marian took a lot courage to overcome my fears of being seen as a "Man in a Dress".  To me, it's more of my need to present as my authentic self overcoming the resistance that prevented me from being authentic.  Yet, I sometimes feel as if I'm an impostor.  But with more and more time spent out in the world as Marian, with more and more time perfecting my feminine presentation, the more natural and comfortable I am when presenting as Marian.

- - - - - -

After church, I might have gone to a local diner for breakfast.  Since I've been running lower than usual on folding money, I decided to go home to have something to eat.  For the first time in a while, I cooked something on my stove top -  a couple of eggs with some corned beef hash.  This time, I made sure that the hash lost enough moisture that it had a little bit of a char - yum!  And then I took it easy for a while.

Later on, as I was preparing an update to this website to add a page where people could download some voice samples I've recorded over the years, I got messaged by one Trans woman I wouldn't mind meeting again.  We chatted for well over an hour, and this took away time that I had planned spending on searches for voice recordings.  However, before I was to leave for my 5:00 Meetup, I was able to get showered, dressed,and out the door as Marian to be early for a Fun Time Friends meetup in Ridgefield, CT.

We had a room to ourselves at the restaurant we were meeting at, and  yet, not enough seats at the table.  Luckily, enough people were no-shoes, and we had enough stools for us to sit on and enjoy a non-pretentious BBQ dinner.  Yum!   The conversations were good, and I'd gladly go back to the restaurant again - but this time, at a normal table.

- - - - - -

Just before dinner ended, I got a call from Maria.  She was totally discombobulated - her daughter is having trouble with her life, her husband is finally home from the hospital, and her computer's hard drive had crashed, leaving her without important photos and documents she had neglected to backup over the past couple of years.  So I walked her through things, telling her what to do, and giving her a game plan of how to deal with the loss of her computer.

When I was done with Maria's call, I was too tired to bother to shop for supplies that my cleaning lady needed. So I called GFJ to chat on the way home.  We agreed to meet at 6:15 at a Hudson Valley Restaurant Week establishment for dinner.  It'll be nice to have a nice meal with her before she goes away to Florida for a vacation. 

Recently, I heard something through the grapevine.

It's not easy being transgender.  Do we out ourselves to make general conversation?  Do we hide things about our lives? Or, do we talk about our lives, flipping genders as needed to eliminate some cognitive dissonance with people we may meet?

Recently, I heard about one person who attended a recent meetup of one of my groups that had negative words to say about me.  (I won't say anything about this person or how I heard this information for privacy purposes.)  But it got to me a little.  It's not because I was pegged as being transgender that bothered me.  Instead, it was this person's attitude towards me and others.  This person is a social bully who dominates every conversation he gets into (from what I've seen from a meetup I attended), not paying any attention to cues given by the people he is with.

When something bothers you, do you ask why it bothers you?  Well, I've learned that we tend to see in others those things that we dislike about ourselves.  In my case, it was a reminder that I was not born as a cisgender female, that I am not thin, and that I still have far to go regarding my social skills.

In life, we can either use these emotional hits as tools to grow, or we can allow them to diminish us.  I choose to grow, and not be harmed by one person's unthinking actions and words.  And I hope that my readers can do the same as well.

Something to watch out for.

Every so often, JS has asked if I could accompany her to a reading from a psychic in Massachusetts.  I've occasionally have been able to do so.  But each time I've made myself available, she has either called in sick or has asked me to drive her to the appointment.  JS doesn't want to put more mileage on her car, even though she is driving 150 miles each day to go to work and back.  As you can guess, there's a lot to watch out for here, and that I'd be a fool to get caught up in her problems.

- - - - - -

This morning, I woke up shortly after 6:30 am, and started checking my messages.  I noticed that JS was asking me to do the driving for her visit to her psychic.  It wouldn't be a good idea for me to trade the dependency of my former cruise partner for a new, more dysfunctional friend.  I have gotten to the point where I want friends who can stand on their own, even if it means that I have fewer friends to be with.

Being fully awake at 6:30 means that I will likely lose steam later in the day.  Additionally, it allows me to be fully awake when watching the morning's political news.  And I took this opportunity to do so.  Like the political pundits, I found that Mike Bloomberg's probable entry into the 2020 Democratic nomination contest to be an important development.  More importantly, I think that he might just be the one candidate who can pummel Trump in all the ways that are important.  No one can say that Bloomberg is dishonest.  No one can say that Bloomberg mismanaged his political office.  And no one can say that a Bloomberg administration will be filled with scandal.  He might be the one person who can both fix the damage Trump has done to the government and set up a system of numbers based governing that could be useful to future administrations.

- - - - - -

My niece and I were supposed to get together tonight for a museum night.  Sadly, this didn't come off, as she had to work late at work and wouldn't make it to the museum on time.  In many ways, this was OK with me, as I really didn't want to go outside in the cold.  It's already November, and the cold has seeped into my apartment, and I was thinking of wearing trousers for my weekly stint at the LGBT Center.

When I was young, I never noticed the cold (or, so I remember it.)  I could go outside for hours, do things like deliver newspapers, and still enjoy the weather outside.  Now, that I've reached my 60's, I've gotten used to the idea of taking winter vacations where it's warm.  And this means winter cruises to the Caribbean, through the Panama Canal, and to Hawaii.

Last night, I chatted with HWV about my cruises, and she mentioned something that saddened me.  The homeless population in San Francisco has grown to a point where she considers it dangerous.  She noted that in the past few years, that they are accosting people in front of the Four Season's hotel - people no longer feel safe there.  Whether this is true or not, I can find out.  I dated a woman in Nyack who now lives in the San Francisco Bay area.  The next time I have a chance, I will chat with her and find out whether what HWV said is true or not.  This information may be what decides whether I take a Hawaii cruise out of San Francisco or out of Los Angeles.

- - - - - -

I ended up going to the LGBT Center a little later than usual to do my volunteer stint, and only spent an hour there.  Today's tasks were to update their calendars, send out meetup information, and update their blog to reflect the need to get volunteers for their upcoming Trans Forum.  Once I was done there, I figured that I'd check in with Pat - and she said to drop over with some Chinese, as she'd supply the wine.

At Pat's, we got into our usual discussion - she's an idealist who believes that all we need to fix the world is to have everyone change their attitudes, and if by magic, all would be right with the world.  I'm a realist - I'll always ask "what's in it for me?" even if I plan to make a sacrifice for others.  To me, incremental progress is better than no progress at all.  And Pat's inability to focus on one problem at a time is what's caused her to become a victim of life.  Yes, we have a system which could be much better.  Racism does permeate our society, benefiting some people in power at the expense of others.  Capitalism has its flaws, but it doesn't explain all of mankind's ills.  If anything, basic human nature is the problem, and not much is going to change it.  Instead, all we can do is harness that nature, and develop social and economic systems which account for human failings.

Today, I got smart - I set a time limit to hang out with Pat.  It's hard to have an intelligent discussion with someone who has swallowed the Kool-Aid of either Left or Right.  And I was starting to tire myself out after 90 minutes.  So I was very glad when 9 pm came around, giving me a chance to leave.

- - - - - -

On the way home, I stopped by Stew Leonard's.  It's nice to be there after the crowds are gone.  However, they are returning certain foodstuffs to refrigerators, shutting down the fish monger and butcher sections (prepacked meats and fish still remained available), and cleaning up the place during the last business hour of the day.  So it didn't pay to dawdle. I  just grabbed my stuff and went home.

Another out to dinner, this time with HWV and another board member.

Today started out with three things on my docket, but I could only deal with two of them.  I wasn't up to having lunch with Vicki #2, as my GI Tract was giving me problems.  But I was up to going to my weekly speech therapy session, then to dinner with HWV and another board member (let's call her HWJ for now).  There was only so much I was willing to take on today, and I figured that I could postpone lunch with Vicki until next week.

- - - - - -

I wasn't feeling that great when I got up this morning - I was sneezing a lot, as my nose was running the 4 minute mile.  No, I did not have a cold.  Instead, I have suffered with my usual autumn allergy season problems.  Once things settled down, I texted Vicki to tell her that I wasn't going to make it today, asking to postpone until the following week.  This allowed me another, much needed, hour in bed,  And then it was time to get ready.  I was lucky to be home, as my GI Tract started to rebel on me. Then it was time to get showered, shaved, etc. before driving to Mercy College.

Arriving at Mercy a few minutes early, I paid my bill.  And I wish I had had more time, as my GI Tract was again telling me that it was in a rebellious state.  So I went into my session, and within 5 minutes it was off to the restroom.  AARGH!  Luckily, I wasn't long there, and I was able to complete a compressed session.

On the way home, I chatted with GFJ.  As much as I'm interested in going to a comedy club meetup (and having dinner with her beforehand), there's a part of me that would rather spend the day as Marian.  (Just don't say that to her right now.)  Soon, she'll be going to Florida with her friend, and I hope she has a great time there.

As for me, I figured that I had about an hour to get ready for dinner with HWV and HWJ.  Tonight's restaurant week dinner was scheduled for the Red Hat Bistro in Irvington.  Vicki and I chatted about this place, and she warned me about how high prices are carefully bypassed when wait staff mentions specials on the menu. 

Around 6:15, HWV and HWJ arrived and we drove to dinner in the rain.  Arriving around 7:00, we got out of the car and found that the winds were gusting at 30+ mph, and it wasn't worth bothering to use our umbrellas.   Once inside the restaurant, we sat down and enjoyed a nice dinner from the restaurant week menu.  I was asked about my transgender nature, and I told both ladies that I wish I had been born with the correct plumbing, and that if it weren't for romance and family considerations, that I'd already be living as Marian 24x7.  (We went into this in much more detail than what I'm doing here.)  But I noted that until I am 24x7, I won't be attending co-op board meetings as Marian.  Why confuse people?

A little after 9:15, we left the restaurant and drove home on local roads.  I was not in a rush, and I didn't trust the conditions on the highways.  Getting home, we agreed that we must do this again soon - and I hope that it is much sooner than later.