The one time I can talk about a co-op board meeting

 

I could talk about going to the bank.  I could talk about the junk food I ate.  Instead, I will talk about the open shareholder meeting we had tonight.  And this is one of the few times I can talk about co-op business, as what I'm able to say tonight actually happened at tonight's meeting.

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Leaving for the board meeting at the local library, I made one mistake - running into the local pizzeria for a Chicken Parm Hero. (For those not familiar with NYC area sandwich terms, a "Hero" is an elongated sandwich roll. In other regions, it is known as a "Sub", "Hoagie" or "Wedge".)  I should have ordered pizza slices, as I was rushing to put food in my stomach before attending the board meeting.

Arriving at the local library shortly after 6, we reviewed business (which I won't recount here) for the next hour, until shareholders started to come in.  Just before 7, a woman we've been having trouble with  arrived.  The woman has serious mental issues, and probably should be institutionalized.  For the next half hour, people ambled in, but we only had 36% of the shareholder share represented.  So the meeting couldn't be official, only informational.  And then, the troublesome lady started to shout and disrupt our meeting.  She made a big deal about the contrasting color the outside walls of the laundry were painted.  She was shouting, and I ended up shouting back to her to stop shouting.  At this time, someone made sure the police were on call to remove her from the meeting.  Luckily, she left early, and her neighbors told the story of how they were being victimized by this woman on a daily basis.  (She even pushed one lady several times.)  Her neighbors had proof that this lady was harassing them, but the police have not yet done anything.  Maybe someone needs to get hurt before this sick person gets the help she needs, and gets her out of our way.

Eventually, we got to discussing the financial state of the co-op, and the need to continue with our current assessment.  (I won't go into the story of our former managing agent, our insurance, our mortgage holder, and going into special service handling.  I don't think I'm free to tell the story as I see it.)  Our shareholders didn't understand how a major bank could be treating a co-op like ours so poorly.  But then, we have a hard time understanding it too.  Although we think we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for our financial problems, it's going to be a rocky road for us until the end of the year.

Hopefully, the mentally ill lady will soon be evicted, and her shares reverted back to the co-op.  Only then, will the other residents in her building (as well as nearby businesses) will be free from her tyranny.  (BTW: One of the residents victimized by this woman handed the board a complete list of all the times this woman has caused them trouble.  Too bad this resident couldn't have known about this woman before she bought her apartment.)

RQS had to go home, and I had time to myself

 

It's always a touch of sorrow when RQS and I have to part.  Yet, this parting gives us the freedom to live at our own pace without having to worry about the others' concerns.  And maybe, just maybe, this makes our relationship work as well as it does.

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RQS's schedule was busy today - 2 doctors' visits and pottery class in the evening.  I won't go into details of her life, but she was busy from the moment she got out of bed to the moment she was able to get back into her own bed.  As for me, I took a little drive, went home, then relaxed for the rest of the day.

Right now, I have a book on JavaScript being delivered by Amazon.  Once it arrives, I will start on my next project: converting a web page with a downloadable spreadsheet to be used in calculating a true per-person cost of a cruise to a JavaScript program which performs the same function without making the computational guts too easy for others to duplicate.

Did I do any reading while I relaxed and had little to do?  Nope.   Instead, I watched videos most of the time, and then did some minor reorganization in the kitchen.  Although I could have gone out again later in the day, I didn't have the energy or inclination to do so,  Nor did I have any energy to deal with a medical appointment I should have made 4 weeks ago.  AARGH!

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At least, I did one thing of note:  I cooked some pad Thai.  Was it good?  No.  Next time, I'll try something different with rice noodles.

Finishing up Shore Excursion booking for an upcoming cruise.

 

Later this year, RQS and I will be cruising the British Isles.  RQS booked most of the shore excursions for our cruise.  Today, I booked the last one - a Beatles walking tour of Liverpool.  Although much has changed in the 66+ years since they started performing in their respective bands, historical information is easily seen in the streets upon today's visitors walk  (Yes, I'm including the time they performed as rank amateurs.)

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Neither of us wanted to go out for Easter Sunday.  The weather was dreary and it was both cold and clammy.  Since I didn't sleep much the night before, I knew RQS wouldn't mind getting up late and having a restful sleep.  So I moved into the living room at 8:30 and started watching TV until RQS arose from her slumber.

This was a perfect day to stay inside and rest, and that's what we did.  Yes, we became couch potatoes for most of the day.  But what was there to do at 2 pm on a Sunday?  But this wasn't a loss.  Having a day where we could stay inside was just what we needed to recharge our batteries.  By the time we finished dinner, I was ready to book our last shore excursion, and firm up our expense balance before our next cruise.  (I owe RQS some cash.)

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As you can see, this was a Jammie day for the two of us.  Tomorrow, I'll have things on my docket which must be taken care of this week.  One of these things will be getting a check to reimburse the co-op president for some expenses she incurred.  Since I'm the only other person who has signing powers for the co-op, I have to go to the bank as Mario to get a teller's check for her.  (That's about all I'll say of the details of my co-op's business, save that we're seeing a light at the end of the tunnel for problems that started 2 years ago.)

Lunch with DS (a short post)

 

Although RQS is coming up today, I only want to discuss two things: Lunch with DS and a chat with my brother.  (I can always chat about RQS later on in another post.)

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We scheduled lunch for 12:30.  So I had to set reminders to make sure that I'd be well on my way to getting showered, made up and dressed before noon.  Unlike cisgender women, I always feel a need to apply makeup, as my face will otherwise look sort of masculine.  The less people notice these facial features, the better.  But I digress.

On the way down to White Plains, TCL called me up.  She lost one of her car keys the other day, and now the second key fob broke.  Although she has a valet key, it didn't do her much good sitting back at home.  Luckily, she has a neighbor who could be counted on to get into her house, find TCL's keys, and bring them to her to get her car home.  TCL still doesn't know what she wants from car keys and the fob, but I'd bet that she's going to cheap out, and only duet the valet key, and not pay for a replacement key fob which would allow her to open the car's trunk, as well as to open doors remotely.

I arrived at the diner around 12:30 and met DS.  Both of us enjoyed lunch, and caught up on what's happening in each other's lives.  Although I can't say she's doing well, she has been taking on gigs to pay the bills, and had a little extra for lunch today.  Hopefully, we'll be able to get together more often, and I mentioned that I'd like to have her come with me to one of the "20 at 20" off Broadway shows during their last week.  But that's only if I make the effort to go myself.   It's always nice to have female friends to do things with.... 

Relearning an old skill (a short post)

 

One of the problems I have with my other website is that I have a spreadsheet available for downloading, instead of encapsulating the computation engine for my real cruise cost calculator in Javascript and have it reside on a separate server.  My logic is too available for the average person to steal.  And I want to fix this.

What should I do?

MSJ suggests that I hire help from fiverr.com to do the work, then put it on the website.  I could do that, but I'm not so sure that I can't do it myself.  Years ago, I wrote code in Javascript which would interact with a database residing on a server.  This wasn't so hard.  So I figured that I might as well relearn this skill for use in the future.

No, I am not seriously thinking of going back into programming.  Instead, I keep indulging my wish to find productive and challenging ways to occupy my time, like the man in the picture above. I figure that I won't have anything worth playing with for at least a couple of months at best.  But when I do, I'll have a feel for another tool I can build for that website. 

I can't believe that I'm falling behind on my posts.

 

I just looked at the date this post will be available to everyone, and I realize that I've been struggling to keep things up to date lately.  No, I'm still roughly where I want to be, but not with as much lead time between the time the post is written and the time it is available to the public.

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Today, I had 2 things on the docket.  One was laundry, the never ending task of putting money into the washer and folding clean clothes.  It's not bad, but not a job I enjoy doing.  Yet, if I were to take it to the local cleaners to get done, it would cost me several times more than when I pay for it now.  Since I'm frugal, I might as well trade time for money that stays in my purse.  The other thing was much more enjoyable - dinner with a friend I haven't seen in over a year.  Although you wouldn't know it to look at her, she likely has 2-3 times as much money in the bank than I have, and enjoys having a chance to spend some of it - on dinner.  

So, I dawdled until 2 pm, and then dumped a load of clothes (plus bed sheets) into the washer.  About 90 minutes later, I was bringing the basket upstairs to fold at my leisure.  Next, it was time to get ready for dinner.  This meant showering, shaving, applying makeup, then dressing to go out.  Since it was a bit raw outside (a light drizzle made the cold outside feel worse than it was), I decided to wear a dress with tights, as I wanted to get some use out of the dress before I pack it away for the summer.  And then, it was off to Brewster for dinner.

I met my friend at an Indian restaurant, and we proceeded to catch up on things.  I mentioned all of my cruises, and she mentioned some things going on with family.  A lot was said, and nothing was said.  She asked if RQS knew about this dinner, and I said yes.  (There will always be traces of sexual tension between some people of the opposite biological sex.  But I digress.)  She said that she'd like to meet RQS, and I noted that I can do that on weekends.  So, RQS will soon meet another one of my friends soon.

All too soon, dinner ended.  And I had to drive home.  I regretted not taking a bio-break at the restaurant, as I barely made it home.  And when I did, you never saw a gal pull down her knickers as quickly as I did to take care of some important business.   (I now understand the urgency my late wife felt when she had to make her mad dashes....)

A little bit of daylight shopping and a Zoom with the Girls

 

This is another picture of the woman whose body I should have inhabited.  I love the confidence she projects in this image, something I never had growing up having to present as a male.  When I showed this picture to MSJ, her reaction was of a person who didn't like all of the headaches a woman faces in our culture.  And that is an attitude I picked up years ago from my former cruise partner, someone who I think wishes she had been born into a male body.

 

Why do I mention this?

 

Tonight would be a zoom meeting with my friends from Texas.  Although they know that I'm TG, they see me as female for most things.  And yet, in the back of their minds, who knows how they really feel?

 

- - - - - -

 

When I finally got moving today, it was too late to do much of anything.  So, I decided to make a run to Yorktown to have 2 slices of pizza, then go shopping at Uncle Guiseppe's.  This would give me a chance to go outside, and be able to stay near my house for tonight's Zoom meeting.

 

Around 7:45 pm, I opened up the zoom meeting, and by 8, all 4 of us were on line. One of our Texas friends became very open about what was going on at her job, giving us a much better idea of the role she plays in her company.  The other friend discussed her upcoming trip to Louisiana, noting that New Orleans is always a great place to visit.  And that's when I mentioned that I might be driving out to Tuscon with my brother, with the assumption that he gets his new job out there.. I noted that I'd take Amtrak to New Orleans, then stay there for a few days before returning to NYC.  That's when the gals suggested meeting in the Big Easy.  I reluctantly had to squash this, as I'd be traveling as Mario, and that I couldn't afford to travel as Marian through the "Bible Belt" due to the laws against us TG's. (Later on, RQS mentioned that it was a positive indicator that they want to see us in person again.)  

 

All too soon, the Zoom meeting ended, and I was done for the night.  Even though RQS and I chatted later on, the night was over, and I went to sleep a bit earlier than usual. 

 

If you don't think Trump is responsible for inflation....

 

If you don't believe that Trump's actions are causing inflation, look at the sale price of this dress.  Normally, it has been selling at Target for $50.99.  Today, it is listed for $76.49.  What has changed in the past week?  Not much.  But what has likely happened that Target's warehouses (or those of an intermediary who sells on Target's website) has just received a new shipment of these dresses, and has marked them to their current profitable price.

Let's assume that it is Trump's tariffs that account for the price hike.  Do we have a domestic industry large enough to maintain a price-competitive supply chain?  I doubt it.  Opening up our market to cheap Chinese goods 35 years ago destroyed much of American industry, its logistics and supply chain.  And we don't have what it takes to bring it back.  

Sadly, we never had a transition for those workers being displaced by cheap overseas labor.  Our capitalists acted as, if by magic, their consumers/workers would find other work so that they could afford to buy goods produced by cheaper labor.  For a while, this happened, as displaced labor was limited to a few rural towns.  But more and more people were affected over time, and both blue and white collar workers have been affected by these misguided policies.

No, I am not arguing against competition.  Instead, I am arguing against opening the doors to competition without a clear path for labor to have its needs taken care of.  European nations would never allow this to happen to its labor force, as they do not want social unrest and alienation.  They believe in a well educated people, with regular access to a relatively under biased news media still focusing on presenting objective truth to its consumers.

Trump has taken advantage of the 1st Amendment to the Constitution in ways our founding fathers couldn't conceive.  Political lies have been protected by the courts, and Trump has never been anywhere close to telling truth to his followers.  He lies, knowing that his cult will ingest anything he says.  In short, he is Orwell's "Big Brother" to his followers, and can do no wrong.  To the rest of us, he is an autocrat who has broken all social conventions, and has few checks and balances to stop him from destroying America.

So, why are tariffs so important?  In short, they are sales taxes on the economy.  They only serve to slow things down.Is this dress worth 50% more than it was a week ago?  No.  Could the price hike have been caused by the recent Iran war?  I doubt it.  There is no clothing industry of note in the Middle-East. But there is one in Southeast Asia and China. And their industries are being affected by Trump's tariffs and his war.

The prosperity of nations depend on constancy and predictability.  For generations, farmers knew that they'd plant crops in the spring, tend to them in the summer, and harvest them in the fall.  To increase yields, farmers have added fertilizer to their land for ages, much of it now being derived from Middle-East oil products.  Now, much of the fertilizer supplies we'd use are no longer available because of the war.  Many of the markets for American farm products no longer exist due to Trump's trade wars.  And yet, many in the rural states have yet to signal that they want this buffoon to be removed from office.  The infallibility of their cult leader overrides objective truth.  People are afraid of reality.

For those not part of Trump's cult, we see his cruelty destroying the friendships between America and its friends.  Canadians are largely avoiding the US, as well as tourists from many other nations.  Trump's Gestapo (read: ICE) rounds up people solely based on skin color and puts them into prison camps without due process.  Trump's CBP agents at our borders often harass travelers with proper documentation, and have put them into prisons as well.  Why should any nation want to be friends to America, much less help it in an illegal war?   Losing tourists from these nations is causing economic problems for many tourist areas in the US, and I don't see this happening soon.

This leaves us with a declining American workforce that has to suffer with increasing inflation.  It will take a generation or two to undo what Trump has damaged - it it can be undone at all.  If I were young, I'd have already left the US for countries which protect labor better than we do, inform and educate its people better than we do, and protect freedom better than we do.  But I am old, and stuck on America's roller-coaster.  For the rest of us, it will take come time for America to collapse.  And it is time for those with marketable skills to leave America.  Just be careful choosing where to go to.... 

 

Taxes, taxes, and more taxes.

 

Twas two weeks before tax day, and all through the house.  Two ladies were stirring, both seeing an empty purse. One purse got emptied, the other got filled. No, I'm not going to continue with working those lines.  But they illustrate the differences between RQS's position in life and my position in life.

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This was a day that I had to spend in Mario mode.  Our tax lady doesn't know that I am TG, nor do I want her to know.  It works out better for me that I am able to live in stealth mode when I need to, and in this political climate, it's a bonus.

Both of us were ready and out the door by 10:30, and were at the tax lady's office at noon.  Unfortunately, she has to redo my paperwork once again, so I couldn't pick up my tax forms.  But RQS was able to do so, and paid the bill for her taxes, as well sending money out to the tax man.  Once done, our next destination was RQS's place, where I dropped her off.

I left RQS's place at 1:45, and was home 2 hours later.  There were some idiots on the road, and I was almost nailed by one trying to squeeze between me and the car to the side of me.  Yet, this wasn't the worst of it.  Some person totaled his car in a fight against an 18-Wheeler.  The car's front end and roof was destroyed, while the truck and its trailer didn't show any damage. The traffic slowdown leading to the accident site wasted a bit of my time.  Yet, by planning to take an exit, I bypassed most of the traffic jam by passing it on the right, and by merging back into traffic just before the accident site which just happened to be 300 feet away from the exit I planned to take.

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Once I was home, I was in for the night.  Tomorrow, I'll be back in Marian mode, and have another nice day outdoors.

A birthday dinner at Chazz Palminteri's (a short post)

 

Tomorrow is RQS's birthday, and I wanted to take her out tonight.  (It's easier to get a good meal on Saturday than it is on Sunday at many places, and I wanted to make sure she enjoyed the meal.)

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Originally, I wanted to take RQS out to a place where we had to get dressed up a little.  But, with the weather as cold as it is, getting dressed up didn't make sense.  Instead, we both decided to dress for the weather, and drive down to White Plains for dinner.

Chazz Palminteri's place is in the heart of White Plains, NY, in an area where one must park at a garage, than on the street.  Although they have an arrangement with the hotel next door to use their valet parking, I did not want to remove my car's key fob from my handbag just to have my car parked.  Instead, I drove into the public garage nearby, parked the car (not needing to tip the valet anything when picking up the car) and walked to the restaurant.

How do I describe the food?  Well, we split an order of Calamari for an appetizer, and it was some of the best Calamari we've ever had.  The pieces were lightly battered, and cooked to the point of wellness just before the meat becomes rubbery.  It was a pleasure to eat the squid, and I almost wished I could have ordered a dinner portion for myself.  Instead, I ordered the Seafood Fra Diavolo pictured above and feasted on the clams, scallops, and lobster tail resting on a base of spinach fettuccine, YUM!  Everything was cooked to perfection!

Eventually, we left the restaurant and drove home.  It was a nice day, and something we'll do again when the budget permits. 

World Affairs: Can the Orange Monster find a way to end his war?

  

I'm hoping that this needless war doesn't come to using weapons like the one above.  It is effective, but a weapon of last resort.  Sadly, the Orange Monster has gotten himself into a war with no way to get out.  If he wanted to cut and run, he'd have only made the current Iranian regime more extremist, and more of a danger to the world.  So, we're likely stuck fighting an army of at least 1,000,000 men if we decide to put our boots on the ground.

There are conflicting claims on both sides regarding negotiations.  Are there are aren't there any negotiations going on?  As much as I can't trust Iran's statements, I trust anything coming out of today's White House even less.  Anything the current administration says has been proven to be a lie, including the words "And" and "The". Given that Israel and the US started this war while negotiations were going on, Iran has no reason to believe that we will negotiate in good faith.

I expect that we will get stuck in a war that will last for months at best.  If we pull out now, Iran can and will continue to cause trouble for us and our allies in the Middle East. They will have many scores to settle, and they won't stop until those scores are settled.  So what options do we really have?  As I see it, not many.  We will need to crush both military and civilian resistance in Iran for years to come.  Our boots on the ground will likely be fighting a guerilla war for many months, as it's now in Iran's interest to cause as much trouble for the US as possible for as long as possible.  There will be many bodies coming back to America in Body Bags (oops, I mean "Human Remains Pouches"), coffins draped by flags, men and women dying in a war which could have been avoided.

America is being led by a senile, self-aggrandizing simpleton with ADHD who doesn't have the capacity or interest to being a wartime president.  He acts as if all he needs to do is post something in his money-losing social media platform, and things will happen by magic. Hopefully, this will be the quagmire that he can't escape, and that his base will finally see him for what he is - a grifter with no class in an office he is not qualified to hold. 

 

I wasn't in the mood to do much this morning

 

Again, I woke up early today, and again, I was tired when I needed not to be.  But first....

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I was supposed to get together for coffee with one of my co-op board members.  However, I woke up around 6 am, after a not so restful sleep.  Staying in bed until 8:30, I didn't fall back to sleep, but awakened enough to get up and cook breakfast for a change.  (I have all the ingredients for a home-made version of s sausage-egg-cheese sandwich on English muffin.)  It sated my hunger, but I lost all track of time.

Why is losing all track of time important for me?

Well, there were 2 things I wanted to take care of before RQS arrives at 4:30.  First, I wanted to take a box of paper to the mobile shredder.  Since they shut down at noon, I knew I wasn't going to make it.  Next, was coffee with the co-op board member.  I wasn't ready when she called, but both of us had things to do.  So, it was a fortunate circumstance for both of us.

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Right now, I have been busy putting winter clothes into storage containers, as well as putting clothes back into my closets and dresser drawers.  I want to make some progress cleaning up my place before RQS arrives.  Now, I have a couple more hours to do so - and I'm grateful for this.

Game night was cancelled, and I was too tired to go into NYC to see a play.

 

What does Jumbo the Elephant have in common with an Off-Broadway show?  The answer is that both were meant to entertain people in NYC.

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When the day started, I had two things on the docket: Lunch with Maria, and Game night in Yonkers.  There was one problem that would cause me problems today - I didn't go to sleep until 4 am.  (I stayed up an extra 30 minutes to write yesterday's blog entry.)  So I knew I'd need more sleep during the day to recharge my batteries.

Waking up (but not getting out of bed) around 7 am, I unsuccessfully tried to fall back to sleep for another 1-2 hours before getting up.  Around 10:30, I got out of bed and started getting ready for the day.  By 12:30, I was in Cold Spring and was on time to meet Maria.  We talked about her family, including her new grandson, and issues she's been dealing with for a while.  Of course, I had a bit to say as well.  Sadly, she had to fetch her other grand kids at school, or we could have chatted longer.

Next, it was home to take a nap before going to game night.  Around 5:00, I received a text to let me know that game night was cancelled for the night.  Murder Mouth (their dog) didn't have a sitter for the evening, and he couldn't be trusted around people.  If I had known this earlier, I could have made a 7:00 performance of  Amazing Sex Life of Rabbits in NYC.  Sadly, this was not the case, and I ended up doing a load of laundry instead.

Although I would have enjoyed seeing the play, I didn't feel like I had the energy to go into the city and back today.  At least, there will be other plays I can see in the next 2 weeks. 

Lunch with a friend, and an aborted evening plan.

 

Today, I had only one thing on the docket - lunch with MSJ.   We always have a good time in our monthly meetings, but today would be a little different.  There was a little too much noise in the restaurant for me to hear anything.

But first....

I woke up to the morning sun when I'd have rather have stayed asleep.  After some time futzing with the computer and watching videos, it was time for me to get dressed and get ready to go down the hill to meet MSJ.  As usual, I wore my usual winter garb - a dress over leggings.  And I was at the restaurant at 1 pm.

It was unusually noisy in the restaurant, as several people were talking loudly to people sitting at a nearby table.  I had a hard time hearing my friend, and had to ask her to repeat herself a few times.  We talked about many things: politics, her family, my family, and my cruise related website.  She gave me a few ideas for improvement, several of which I will seek to implement in a future version of the site.

After lunch, I went home to nap - and overslept.  The idea of trekking into NYC for an off-Broadway play was squashed by the nap.  Then, my brother called - we were on the line for 2 hours.  So I ended up going to the diner for dinner, when all I wanted was a couple of pizza slices from the nearby (now closed for the night) pizzeria.  At least, I was able to enjoy some fish and chips.

The important things on the docket required me to be Mario for the day.

 

The other day, I had to restore my male image to my Facebook profile so that I could join a message group.  Amazingly, several of the people I know from the Widows/Widowers group noticed, and said hello.  As for me, I wonder what they will say when my profile reverts to a female Alfred E. Newman in the next day or two.

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Everything I had on my docket today effectively required my presenting as a male in public.  First, I had to get a book from the library, and then attend a co-op board meeting as Mario.  So, first, I went out to a local diner to have some Greek Salad, and  couldn't finish the dish.  Unfortunately, I couldn't go back to town the same way I went to the diner, so, I took the long way to the library.  

Picking up the book at the library got in the way for doing laundry.  I'd have been picking my clothes out of the dryer in the middle of  the co-op board meeting.  So I deferred that task until later. Around 5:30, the co-op meeting started, and the interviewees who was supposed to attend didn't bother to show up.  The next time we'll be able to meet with them will be in May.  Their loss.  And then we had to deal with a shareholder and her issues.  She has problems that can't be corrected quickly, but won't take a delay for an acceptable answer.  We're trying to delay spending money until we have a major funding issue resolved.  Until then, we have to slow walk everything.

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Eventually, the meeting ended, and I had enough time to do a load of laundry.  Even when it is done, the work will not be finished - I still have to fold it, and put it into places where it belongs.

I had to go home today

 

After a long weekend with RQS, I had to go home.  It's just as well I did so, as I needed to start getting things done at home. So, it was with regret (and a little relief) that I got on my way.  (As they say: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.)

- - - - - -

Both of us got moving late in the morning today.  But that didn't mean that either of us were ready to go out.  I knew that I had to get ready to leave around 1:30, so that I could drive home by 3.  One problem - I should have started earlier, as afternoon traffic jams would be starting early.

The reason I started to get ready later than I planned was RQS's TV.  We wanted to move a large screen TV into the living room, and move the smaller one into the sitting room.  Well, we had to move furniture, storage boxes, and other stuff out of the way to get at all the wires (power cords being the most important), and disconnect them so that we could carry the TV into the living room.  We did this before I showered, and we had working TV in the living room before I left.

One of the problems I have at RQS's place is that the lighting is terrible.  There is only one place in her apartment where I can get enough light to do my makeup, and it's her bathroom.  The lighted makeup mirror I brought to her place doesn't do enough good.  But I can make do with it if I'm careful.  If I could find a solution that works, I'd have a much easier time of applying my makeup at her place.

I left RQS around 3:15, and it took forever to make it from her neck of the woods to the other side of the East River.  But once across, I had no problem making it to Stew Leonard's to do some food shopping.  But again, I hit some traffic on the way home, as I was traveling in the middle of rush hour.

Eventually, I made it home for the night - and finally had a chance to relax.

As I write this, I can't sleep

 

First, as I write this, I can not sleep for some unknown reason.  My relationship with RQS is going well, and we are scheduled to go on another cruise in a few weeks.  So, what is going on?  I described how I'm feeling as like a cisgender male version of a female's hot and cold flashes.  She said it might be hormonal, and to bring it up with my doctor on my next visit.

With this out of the way, I'm not sure if I was individually contacted by my former cruise partner, or whether it was a broadcast to an entire meetup group.  Although I might have responded "Yes" to an invitation to join the meetup group at a local restaurant, I would be busy that same night with co-op business - and the co-op comes first these days, due to the importance of my attendance at meetings.

My brother is flying out of town for his final interview with a firm.  If he's hired, he'll be moving to another state.  And I'll miss him, in spite of him and I seeing each other less than every 3rd month or so. I don't want to get stuck managing the family homestead, and I don't want to deal with the paperwork of paying bills, etc. to keep this joint venture going.

Tomorrow, I'll look up the phone number of the place where my doctor wants me to get an ultrasound, and schedule it for next week.  I'm at the age where my body is likely to betray me, and I don't look forward to its series of betrayals.  

Yet, none of these things can fully explain why I can't sleep right now.  Maybe, after I'm done with this post, I can get back to bed, cuddle up with RQS, and finally fall asleep. 

A tip into NYC for the Billy Preston documentary

 

I wanted to see the documentary on Billy Preston's life (Billy Preston: That’s The Way God Planned It) but it wasn't showing at the local art-house.  So, I had put it on the list of films I'd look for when searching for documentaries to watch on the various streaming services.  Yesterday, RQS and I went to see this film.

But first...

This weekend, I drove down to RQS's place en-femme. She's comfortable with me this way, and I didn't feel like switching my id from wallet to wallet to travel as Mario.  

I got up moving slowly, and started my preparations to dress as Marian. By 2:00 pm, I was out the door, making my stops on the way to RQS's place.  First, it was to the bank to get some cash.  And then off to the gas station to buy some overpriced gas.  (We have the Orange Monster and Israel to thank for this.) Once my local area tasks were done, I was on my way to Queens.

There were the usual slow spots on my way to RQS's place.  So, I ended up driving through Forest Hills to bypass the traffic snarl in Kew Gardens, where the Grand Central Parkway, the Jackie Robinson (aka Interboro) Parkway, and Van Wyck Expressway all meet.  Even though NYC/NYS did a lot of work to improve traffic flow at this confluence of roads, they were constrained by the local roads also having to flow through this area - there was no way to widen/lengthen the merge points to accommodate the traffic that needs to flow through the area.  So, 90% of the time, I'm forced to drive through local streets because the Van Wyck Expressway is at a stand still for over a mile before the exit for the Jackie Robinson Parkway (JRP), and the entrance to the JRP being blocked as 5 lanes merge into 2.

What surprised me was that I made it to RQS's place in 2 hours (an acceptable time), and that we were able to relax for the evening before 6:00 pm. 

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and we had a movie to go to.  Around 3 pm, we both started getting ready to go out, and I spread my makeup all over "my" side of the dining table.  By 4 :30, we were out the door and headed to the city.  Reaching the Hudson Square area of Manhattan, we could only find one place to eat - Shake Shack.  Although the burgers were good, we could have spent half as much at Mickey D's and enjoyed it just as much.  Yet, I can't say that Shake Shack wasn't worth the money they charged for their burgers.  They were good!

We were in walking distance of the theater, and were able to find a seat with ease.  However, we had issues with sitting down, as we both wanted to take off our coats, and had a big bag of popcorn to manage.  Once seated, we found that the movie focused on Billy's growth as a musician, followed by the pain the Billy had to deal with.  His abuse (both what was done to him when young and the substances he "enjoyed" to survive) was the focus of the latter part of the film.  It wasn't until the end of his life that he could even start to share his pain.  What a sad life balanced with joyous music.  Too bad for him that he couldn't have had a "normal" life.  Too good for us that he didn't.

I suggested to RQS that we take the long way home to avoid stairs, and we did that.  But it took us twice as long to get home from Manhattan.  First, it was a local to South Ferry, where we changed to another subway line to take us to Union Square.  From there, it was a trip back to 8th avenue to preserve our ability to sit down on the outbound ride, and then a transfer of trains in Ridgewood to that we could make it to a deli for a quart of OJ.  

We were home around 10:15, and ready to sleep.  And both of us needed it....

I prefer to see reality than live in a fantasy world

 

The other day, RQS sent me some links to various "meetup" sites whose purposes are simply to enable people to make new social connections.  A couple of these sites were geared for females to make social connections.  So, I asked RQS how passable I am, and she noted that there are some telltales that I am TG.  In short, I am not 100% passing, but that's OK for most purposes - just not for all.

It's hard for people to see reality these days, much be comfortable with reality.  We live in an age where the people we once could count on to tell us things resembling truthful opinions now tell us lies we want to hear.  We have a president who is a pathological liar, and who is totally disconnected from reality.  We are in a war that no one wanted, save for two people: Bibi Netanyahu and Donald Trump.  And now, Trump is telling lies which conflict with themselves:  "We have won the war with Iran." and "We need more money to win the war with Iran."  Where is our objective reality here?   Trump is the leader of an American cult which, unfortunately, has taken control of our government.  At a macro level, much of America is stuck living in a fantasy world.  But what about us as individuals?

As an individual living in a society which has become untethered from reality, I find it harder to maintain a solid connection to reality. First, I need to find objective information about myself and the world I live in.  As a TG, I need to know many things: How well do I present? What can I do to improve my presentation? Where can I travel safely in my preferred presentation? How do I keep informed of significant events that could affect me?    Second, I need to make reasonable decisions based on the information I gather.  In the case of travel, I have to be absolutely sure of how well I pass, as I could be committing a felony in some states.  (I was in one Southern state where I had to go to the loo and relieve myself while presenting as Marian.  Technically, I committed a felony just by needing to take a bio-break.  Luckily, no one cared where I was.)  Even worse, I can't visit many countries as Marian, as my assumed gender preference would be considered illegal and punishable under their laws.  (We're seeing that in some American states today.)  I have to be sensitive to the fact that we now have a federal government hostile to TGs and the rest of the LGBT community.  So, I am glad that I sent information to a nation where a grandparent came from, so that I have an exit route available in advance.

One TG individual I know has been corrupted by the media she consumes.  Although she has lost the desire to get her passport renewed in her identified gender due to Trump's executive order, she still refers to his political enemies by the childish names he uses for those people.  Yet, she can't identify why these people are bad.  She sees the word "Socialist" and identifies all evil to this word and those who identify with it.  Yet, she can't identify what is bad about the word itself.  Even though she's unhappy with the cult leader, she still identifies with the values of the cult - even when the cult would treat her like crap.  This transgender woman is not alone in her fantasy views of identity.  Another transgender woman I met belonged to a conservative religious denomination.  When she moved to upstate NY, she went to attend another church of that sect.  The pastor said that she shouldn't attend again because she was TG.  Her identity conflicted with what others saw that her identity should be,  We all can make similar mistakes.  This is why we need to always seek objective reality, instead of seeking to feel comfortable living within our fantasies.

I ended up doing nothing until dinner

 

I didn't have much to do today, so I stayed inside until dinner time.  And then, it was time to get off my rump and do something....

- - - - - -

Although I went to sleep late last night, I finally had a full night's sleep with the exception of a few bio-breaks during the night.  (I wonder if this is a result of the new meds I'm taking.)  So, the 10 am alarm woke me up, and I had my bagel for breakfast.  (The other one will be eaten tomorrow.)  And then, I started watching YouTube videos.

Although I had plans to do laundry today, I decided NOT to do it.  Instead, I relaxed until the end of the afternoon, and then started to get dressed as Marian. This was not a day I wanted to spend much money for dinner, so I drove to a Halal food joint in Yonkers and got a combo platter.  Boy, was this platter filling!  But then, my stomach seems to be getting smaller.  So, I could have easily split the platter in half and brought the other half home as leftovers.

Next, it was off to Lidl to buy some food.  By the time I left, I had a full bag and was only out $24.  Not bad for an unplanned food run.  What is weird about the store is that if one uses the self checkout machines, one is supposed to let a gate scan your receipt before letting you go out of the store.  Luckily, someone else opened the gate, and I went through under her scan.

- - - - - -

Sometime tomorrow morning, I have to pack some clothes for my upcoming cruise and bring it to RQS's place.  (I'll have more to bring to her place in a couple of weeks.)  So, I'll have one big suitcase to bring with Mario's clothes, and a smaller suitcase to being for this weekend in Marian mode.