Things are starting to open up again - somewhere.

 

Last night, I found that my friends in Texas were about to have their first in-person meeting in a while.  Sadly, this means that our Zoom Meetups will likely be ending soon.  That saddens me, as I see this happening in New York as well, and I've been blackballed from a group that I would have liked to attend in either of my modes.  Such is life.

Eventually, other venues will open up as well.  I can't dwell on the past, as it is long gone.  There are things that I'd do differently if I had the chance to do a "redo" on 2020.   But that's not realistic.  When I asked a question of the ex, "what would she do differently?", she avoided answering the question.  I can only infer only one thing from her actions of last year: she didn't want to deal with me in either presentation at a meetup group), and didn't care about how she accomplished this.  She could have gotten what she really wanted with less pain had she been willing to communicatet and negotiate, but that' didn't happen.  Her "nastygram" on the morning of my birthday showed her real self -  someone who doesn't worry about the degree of pain she inflicts on others when she's pursuing a goal of her own.  (I know she will think differently from me on this.  Last year's dispute was proof that she wanted me as far away from her group(s) as possible and didn't care how she'd keep me away.)

But enough about the ex.  I've given her way too much headspace lately. There are other, more important things I'm concerned with right now - such as getting vaccinated against Covid-19.  Now that things have opened up even more, I figure that I'll try to score an earlier appointment than what I have now.  I want to be "fully protected" before summer comes.  Of course, I have taxes to file, and it looks like last year's withholding game plan worked - over withhold by 10%, and that should cover progressive taxes on income from sources other than the census.  So I'll do the same for this years income from the new job, and withhold taxes with the assumption that I'll be there until year end.

I still have a big vacation to plan.  However, to take it means that I will likely have to leave my job, or accept unpaid time off.  (I'd accept the latter option if I could get it.)  You'll note that I've made the assumption that I'll remain on this job until then.   But any job I can joke about in the way I do is likely to be too mind numbing to stay there too long.  I need something that occupies my mind, and only so much vacation planning can be done in my head at work.

At least one good thing has happened so far due to the loosening of pandemic restrictions. I have been able to schedule a get together with the new friend I made at the Zoom Meetup the other day.  She only knows me as Marian, and that's how I intend to keep it for now.

 

It's hard to believe how much things have changed.

There's a certain timeless twisted quality in the movie UHF that defies description.  It's a great spoof of the nature of (then) UHF TV, where most stations made their money by showing reruns.  Today, all broadcast TV is digital, and there is no physical difference between what were UHF stations, and the original VHF stations - they all share the same area of spectrum reserved for broadcast TV signals.  Yet, when one gets past the technology used to deliver media to people, the gags still work. In the image above, the man at the right is asking for "change"  One man gives him a penny (later found to be a valuable 1909-S VDB penny), while Weird Al's character gives him $1.00 in change, and receives a $1.00 bill in exchange for it.  "Change?" My favorite gag from the film involves a shipment of Badgers for "Raul's Wild Kingdom."  When Raul sees the Badgers, he says: "Badgers?  Badgers?  We don't need no stinking Badgers!"  Raul's show stinks, but it's popular - just like many UHF shows of the past.

Why do I mention "Change?"  Well, I never thought I'd be working in female mode.  Now, I'm employed for the second time as Marian.  If I had been able to get another technology job, I'd have worked as Mario.  But, since these jobs are not open to me right now, why not work as a female and enjoy how many people react to me? If the ex had stayed in my life, I never would have taken this step - romance was always more important to me.  She never understood that, and never will. But that's water under the bridge now.

Because of my new job, I have started wearing clothing more typical of the average American female.  Instead of wearing dresses all the time, I'm wearing tunics with leggings, or long sweaters over trouser like garments.  I seem to be blending in better than I did in the past.  I truly have a foot in each of the male and female worlds.  And this is a good thing....

 

Monday, Monday....

It was Monday, and it's back to work.  I'm getting good at sleeping until almost 6 am, but there are times where I still wake up too early.  However, I've noticed that more traffic is on Route 9a these days, and this will likely be a factor in when I eventually decide to leave this job.

- - - - - -

As usual, I showered, shaved, put on my makeup and left for work at 7:15.  Now, that's not early enough to guarantee that I can stop at the local deli, order a sausage & egg sandwich, and get to work on time.  So I've shifted my deli to one 15 minutes closer to work, and past the Southbound Route 9a traffic jam on the road between Croton and Briarclff Manor.  Luckily, they make a good sandwich, and I get in and out quick enough to make it to work and have a cup of coffee before clocking in.

In an email conversation with the ex, she brought up the fact that living as Marian was my goal.  What she didn't recognize is that I would have sacrificed future progress on this goal to have romance.  Alas, this was not to be - with her.  Strangely enough, I received a call from my accountant this evening to tell me NOT to file my 2020 tax return until I receive my $1400 stimulus check, as I earned too much in tax year 2020 to qualify for a payment.  I mentioned some of the events from the past, and my accountant was incensed. One can make threats of someone, but not ones that can negatively affect a family.  But enough of that.  That problem is in the past  I'm looking towards the future and forgiven the people in my past.

I find it amazing how much time one can waste watching TV.  If I had a brain (and I'm not sure if I do), I'd toss the vidiot boxes out and go back to reading books and listening to radio.  There was a list of 15 things to do in my bag, and I only took care of two of them.  It could be worse....

All I really wanted to do is stay in bed all day

 

As nice as the weather may have been this morning, I wanted to stay in bed and binge watch TV all day.  And that is what I did until almost 5 pm.  (I didn't react well to "Springing Forward" and rather "Fall Back" to a standard time again.)

In the recent past, I used to binge watch "Lucifer" when I had hours to kill and nothing much else to do.  Now, I've been watching "Gotham", and wonder what the show runners would do next.  However, I think I'm getting to the end of what I want to see, as I'm noticing a repetition of theme that indicates that a show should be closed down.

I am a fan of Melissa Hunter's Youtube series, Adult Wednesday Addams.  It's a shame that the Charles and Tee Addams Foundation stopped this woman from making a very enjoyable series with the Wednesday Addams character.  It had better writing than most TV shows, including some that my uncle (who I will not name here) had worked on.  Recently, it was announced that Tim Burton is working on a series to be shown on Netflix which features Wednesday Addams, but I don't think it will be half as creative as the Youtube series was.  In any case, I will watch the show at least once to see if I like it. 

Sadly, one of the shows I loved from 20+ years ago is not available online (as of now).  Midnight Caller's first two seasons were good TV, and I wish I could find the whole series on Netflix or some other streaming service.  Hopefully, that will change soon.  At least, I can find most of the episodes somewhere if I really want to watch them.

Enough of TV for now.  I have to finish my laundry and then get ready for sleep....

 

Commenting on a conversation with Vicki

 

As many of my readers know, I have a job that can be done by a trained monkey for peanuts.  Since they already pay peanuts to us humans anyway, it isn't worth the personnel costs to switch over to a non-human labor force.  Nor do they want to deal with PETA for the mistreatment of animals....

- - - - - -

A job like I have doesn't call for much mental horsepower.  This means I have way too much time to think, and the wrong things have been occupying my headspace.  So I have to work on changing things as much as possible. And that may mean that I will have to look for a new job sooner than I'd like to do so.

This was not the most comfortable conversation I've had with Vicki, as she had more anger than I have had regarding events of the past year.  In certain ways, it feels like I'm being gaslighted because some of my observations and comments in conversations with another person are not triggering a response acknowledging some responsibility for mutual problems. Vicki notices that, and will not let go of her anger towards this person.  At least, I know that I can always count on Vicki to tell me the truth as she sees it - and we've never been in the sort of ambiguous situation where logic would imply one thing, but facts presented would imply something else. 

Eventually, she will move from her current home, and I will miss her dearly.  This date will come way too soon....

It's a little depressing to think that one can't go home again.

 

It's strange.  Now that things are opening up again, I'm not really sure that I want to bother with most meetups anymore.  I think that last year's scuffle with the ex made me feel this way.

- - - - - -

The thing that 2020 taught me was that most people aren't worth knowing.  WDJ only cared about me when there was a little bit of gossip that I could share with her.  Once I had problems with the ex, she took the side of the ex - and that ended what friendship we had.  Luckily, I was never that close to WDJ, nor did I consider her someone worth staying in contact with during the worst of the pandemic.

Unfortunately, my feelings about the pandemic, the ex and our overlapping circle of acquaintances discourages me from wanting to resume connections with these people. I simply don't feel I'd enjoy getting together with them anymore - I'm looking to build better friendships than I've been able to build with the folks from these groups.  Sometimes, I ask - is it me?  But I think it's something different - if one is a square peg, the round hole won't accept you.

- - - - - -

It's a little depressing to think that one can't go home again, but that's the way I feel.  I lost way too much just before and during the pandemic to want to revisit people and places that once brought me happiness.  Instead, I want to find people, places, and things which have much more meaning to me.  For example, it'd be nice if I could build a new friendship with the ex.  No, I don't want romance - that involves communication, negotiation, and compromise: three things we couldn't do with each other that well.  Sadly for her, her inability to be assertive in seeing that her needs were met made it impossible for me to address her needs.  I can still remember her asking: "Did you want for me to be bitchy?"  What she didn't recognize was that there is a different between being abusive/aggressive and being assertive.  I wanted her to tell me what she felt, what she needed, and suggest ways we could address those needs.  I would have been there for her if she communicated her needs to me in ways that I could understand. But that's water under the bridge.  I still like her, so I figure it worth the effort to see if we can be good friends instead of just chat buddies.

I won't rehash what the ex did to me right now, as I figure that I might have hurt her just as much in different ways.   I hurt my former cruise partner (FCP) even worse without intending to do so. But when someone demands something of me without leaving me some wiggle room for my needs, I fight back.  There are things I miss about her, and things I don't miss.  Given how badly she probably feels about me now, I know I will never hear from her again.  But then, she can be a vindictive person, so it's best to avoid someone who can be so destructive when set off.

In many ways, FCP and the ex are opposite sides of the same coin.  I feel that neither knows how to communicate, negotiate, and compromise that well.  Neither has had a "successful" marriage. And neither wants what we had in the past.  Due to the pandemic, I don't miss that past that much, as I wasted much of my time in superficial relationships with people.

- - - - - -

The pandemic caused me to think a lot about the things I want from the rest of my life.  And I want the emotional closeness that true friends can share.  In regard to romance, it'd be nice to have someone who cares for me willing to share my space once in a while.  But unless I can find someone who can deal with the two sides of my nature, I doubt I'll be successful in this area. 

With the above being said, I was talking with Vicki tonight and she had her thoughts on the Ex and with FCP.  She may be right.  There are many good things that can be said about the Ex, but she was unable to deal with my TG nature.  Vicki never let go of her anger towards the ex for treating me the way she did.  Regarding FCP, she sees nothing good in this person, and admonished me to NEVER reconcile with her - even for a distant friendship.  Since there's less than a snowball's chance in hell for the friendship to resume with FCP, I have no worries in this regard. 

PS: I had another message exchange with the Ex tonight.  I won't go into details, but from how I read things, she is afraid that seeing me will trigger her feelings for me again.  She doesn't have to worry about that....

 

I never seem to be able to check everything off my lists....

 

Here I am again with the old standby image of me thinking.  Today's post isn't going to be that long.  Instead, it's mostly of things I need and things I need to get done.

- - - - - -

When I got into work, I started making a list of people I needed to contact and things I needed to get done.  Of course, it expanded a little to include things I needed to buy.  I did this in between the work I was doing, as it was a way to stay awake when things were going slowly.

First was a list of 10 people to contact.  Some were reachable with quick emails, and others would need a quick phone call.  One of these calls would be to determine weekend plans, and the other would be where we'd have dinner tomorrow night. Next was picking up a book from the local library.  I have to do this after work, and I can only get there on time two nights each week.  (Today was one of these late days.) Then, I had to order my makeup from a theatrical supply house, as my beard cover is running out. And then I had to deal with paperwork needed to claim my share of my late dad's IRA.  After all of this, I had my Thursday night zoom meeting with my friends from Texas.

No matter what I did, I can never get everything on my list done.  But that's OK with me.  It's a target.

- - - - - -

So I close out today's post with a simple question:

 

 

 Given the above fire hydrant, would it be legal to park in front of it? 
I can't help but think: "Yes!"  My friend Vicki says: "NO."

 

But what about the same hydrant without its control valve being anywhere near the pipe?

Hump Day - If people didn't, we wouldn't.

This is not my current ID card.  There's a part of me that still wishes I had the nursing home receptionist gig.  It didn't pay as well as I'm being paid now, but I had more of a chance to socialize with people.  And that's one of the reasons this trans woman wants to be in the workforce.

- - - - - - 

Recently, Rhonda posted an entry on her blog about her life as a transgender person.  Like Rhonda, I feel that my body defines me less as a woman than the social life I want to lead.  (Read her post - I think you'll enjoy it..) When people don't know that I am transgender, they usually take me for a cisgender woman.  And that's the way I like it when presenting as a female.

When I got home from work today, I tried to reach a couple of friends who were not able to talk when I called.  So I tried reaching out to my new friend in NYC from the other night, and we had a great chat.  Hopefully, we'll be able to meet soon, now that the pandemic is starting to wane and it is slowly becoming safe to meet people in person at restaurants again.  Given that my new friend is 77 years old and has had both of her vaccinations, it's no risk to her if we meet.  So I may just schedule something for sometime soon....

Sadly, our chat had to end when my Wednesday night zoom games meetup started - and that lasted a little longer than usual.  It was a small group tonight, and we had fun.  Hopefully, we'll have more people next week....

I woke up early with a strange thought about the recent past

 

I woke up earlier than I wanted, and was thinking of my recent past.  When I was married, I worried about a big argument that would cause the relationship to break up.  We never had that argument, and I don't think we had a solid marriage because the marriage never could be stress tested.

Why is my marriage of over 20 years ago important?  Well, the flaw in that relationship provides information about the flaws that cause my most recent relationship to fail.  Yes, being transgender was part of it. But never once did my ex decide to challenge me.  She tried to accommodate me instead of advocating for her needs.  We never argued until the relationship was over.  In one part of the argument, she asked: "Did you want me to be bitchy?"  Recently, as a result of a social skills seminar I attended, I realized that I wanted her to be more assertive in expressing her needs and wants.  She could have had the limits on my outings as Marian if she had asked, but never once did she think she could ask this of me.  She gave up on the relationship before even "fighting" for her needs in the relationship.  Hopefully, she'll be more assertive in her next relationship.

There is a difference in what is needed between a friendship and a romantic relationship.  In a friendship, one doesn't have to get as close as one does in a romantic relationship.  This means one can go for years without an argument and still have a strong friendship.  But in a romantic relationship, one has to be open enough to risk being hurt by one's love. Sometimes, that hurt will happen and both parties will need time to recover from the pain.  And then, after the ensuing arguments (if lucky and skilled) be able to come back to each other, knowing that the other person can be trusted to be there for support when needed.

Given the difference between the two types of relationships, my ex was far from ready for a romantic relationship when she knew me - she wasn't a good advocate for her position in the relationship when under stress.  She was ready for a friendship.  And that's what I'd want if we could rebuild some bridges. Hopefully, she will understand this and trust that I wouldn't betray the friendship.

- - - - - -

Now that I've started to digest some of what's in my subconsciousness, let me shift to affairs of the day....

My day at work passed quickly with only one incident - I forgot my lunch at home.  This meant that I had to spend an extra $20 to take care of delivery to the office.  Before I started my drive, I contacted the folks at the firm holding my dad's IRA to find out what the delay is with my paperwork.  Seems as if their office is closed due to Covid-19, and they are operating at half staff in remote mode.  AARGH!  I could use that extra money now.

As soon as I got home, I had to rush to have a bite to eat before the main part of our co-op board meeting started.  It is one of those nights where a lot of things were said, and little was done.  Too bad that I can't just bail and catch up on my social affairs.  So I was stuck in the meeting until the end - almost 5 hours later.  And that gave me just enough time to wind down before trying to get some shut eye....

 

 

 

 

 

I skipped out on one meetup to go to another, and found a friend.

 

First, I have to start out by mentioning that I was thinking of my ex girlfriend today.  My thought process brought me to think that everything about her and her dealings with me reflected an inner ambivalence that only she can resolve for herself.  My issue is that I should pay more attention to "The Dude", and less to people who have no clue about what has gone on in my life over the past couple of years.

- - - - - -

After work, I was supposed to drive out to Norwalk to meet with the Fun Time Friends.  Given that I'm a little bit low on cash, I figured that I'd bail out on this dinner.  Instead, I went home to join in a Zoom meetup geared to help a new firm sell its self improvement courses.

Before the zoom meetup started, I called YGM to say hello.  We hadn't chatted in a long while, and she's happy ensconced in Florida. However, I think she believes the governor's BS that people are flocking to that state because it never fully shut down for the pandemic.  There is an advantage in being young and healthy enough to consider catching the virus an acceptable medical risk.  As for me, I take the risk, but can't wait until I can get vaccinated.

There were about 50 of us in the meetup, and the skills covered in the session were valuable - especially if exercised early and often.  Most importantly, I may have found a new friend from Manhattan.  Like me, she was laid off after a long career - and we exchanged phone numbers.  Hopefully, the two of us ladies can get together soon and get to know each other better.

- - - - - -

I could talk about missing a phone call with TCL.  But the two of us will catch up on things tomorrow.  I could talk about tomorrow's co-op board meeting.  But I can't talk about any of the substance, so this would be boring.  And I could talk about Vicki and her being too busy to chat.  But we can catch up on things tomorrow.  About the only thing I will mention that my friend Vanessa's skin cancer was successfully removed, and that the plastic surgeon will be monitoring her care until the grafts on her foot have healed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate it when a good product leaves the shelves

 

This is the brand of makeup cleaning wipes I will soon be using.  It's not because I want to use their product.  Instead, it's because Walmart is no longer carrying their store brand equivalent to this product.

Unlike many people, I tend to buy my beauty supplies in batches large enough to last at least a couple of months or more.  In the case of my beard cover and contouring makeup, I tend to buy a year's supply from a theatrical supply house.  Given the pandemic, I should place a new order soon, now that I have a job.  They probably need the business.  But I digress.

One of the problems many TG's have with makeup is its removal.  Many of us still have to deal with beard stubble at the end of the day, and I am no exception.  Using baby wipes is a great option for cisgender women, as they have no stubble to deal with.  But that's not a great option for us, as these wipes tend to break down when they encounter the least amount of stubble.  However, the stronger material used in exfoliating wipes seems to do the trick for me, and I find that the extra cost involved in buying these wipes is made up for by using less wipes to get my face clean.

Recently, I decided to look up Walmart's store brand to see if these wipes were still available. And only one store had them in stock - behind a display counter that is normally locked. Since they were not on a convenient shelf display, people overlooked 6 packages of these (probably) discontinued wipes.  Guess who snapped them up on her way to see a friend?

I figure that each package has 60 wipes.  6 packages contain 360 wipes.  Used wisely, this is almost a full year's supply.  If Walmart resumes selling these wipes, I will buy them when they are on the shelves.  If not, I'll buy the Simple brand found at the top of the page - and pay twice as much as I've been paying for Walmart's wipes.  Or, I might just buy a few more cloth face cloths and use them with a good facial cleanser as I once did when first presenting as a female.

 

 

 

 

 

Struts!

 

I'm glad that I can still go to the auto shop in male mode.  Women still get talked down to when dealing with automobile issues, and I can't blame some men for doing so.  Women have been discouraged from taking an interest in mechanical things, and many get confused when the simplest of mechanical issues are explained to them.  As for me, I admit that I take care of male privilege when I can. But as long as I live on both sides of the gender line, I'll take advantage of this privilege as long as I can do so.

- - - - - -

Waking up at 6 am doesn't come easy to me most days. Yet, I've been waking up early for work when I'd rather be awakened by my alarm.  Today, when the alarm was set for 8 am, I was awake 2 hours earlier.  Yet, I still didn't get to Mavis until a smidgen after 11 for an oil change and tire rotation.  

Having asked the mechanic to look at my brakes while rotating the tires, I expected to get hit by a "big" bill.  I didn't expect that I would need to plan for two big bills.  Although my rotors are still good, they will likely need to be replaced when I next replace the brake pads.  The more important problem was the front struts. The struts were original equipment, and were starting to fail.  So I OK'd their replacement.  About 2 hours and $850 later, I was out the door and ready to go home for an hour's rest before driving to see FH.

- - - - - -

While at Mavis, I got to thinking: How much further along this road do I want to travel?  I've lost a girlfriend because of being TG, and she (directly or indirectly) got me blackballed from at least one social group in the region.  Could things get worse for me if I go any further?  Who knows?  All I know is that I lost someone I cared about because of her excessive  fears.  What could someone else's irrational or excessive fear do to me in the future?  I'm not sure if I want to find out.

Too tired to post much of anything

 

Getting up today at the sound of the alarm, I knew this was going to be a long day - and it was. Not only did I barely make it to work today, but being tired caught up with me.  If it weren't for a friendly face or two, I might have had more problems....

- - - - - -

Waking up, I normally read my emails, putz around a little bit, then get ready to go to work.  Well, all seemed to be going OK until I started out the door. Then I noticed that I was wearing my reading glasses, and not my "cosmetic" glasses.  (The latter are non correcting, and only serve to make my face look different enough for people not in the know not to connect Marian with Mario.)  So I went back upstairs and switched glasses.

Finally heading out the door for good, I managed to make it to the deli in time to pick up an egg sandwich on the way in to work. And I was still eating it when I encountered a traffic jam on Route 9a.  From what I heard, one lane of the stretch from Briarcliff Manor to Pleasantville was blocked due to an accident, causing a several mile traffic jam.  So I took side roads to the Taconic, and then missed my exit.  After doubling back to my exit, I barely made it into work on time - without having my needed cup of coffee to keep me awake.

Later in the morning, I found out that I screwed up a box of work yesterday, as I was typing too quickly for the system to keep up.  In short, I made too many proofing errors because I was trying to save some time. Luckily, the person who trained me offered some help, and I was able to repair things before it got to the customer.

Once I finally had my cups of coffee, I was alert for most of the day.  And I was sure NOT to take the shortcuts that almost got me in trouble.  But I knew that I would have to go to sleep early, as I was not in shape to go another day without enough rest. So, when I finally made it home, I was greeted by a pleasant surprise - a package containing two tops I need for my everyday work.

- - - - - -

I only wonder what tomorrow will bring....

 

 

One day seems to blend into the next

 

Lately, it seems like only two things are going on in my life: (1) Work, and (2) Seeing People in Zoom Meetups.  Today was another one of those days.

- - - - - -

As usual, I went to sleep late, and woke up too early.  I needed my coffee to function at work, so I was sure to have 2 cups before I sat down at my desk.  When my boss came in, I told him that I don't know if the time clock recorded my exit yesterday.  (I probably forgot to swipe it, but that's another story.)  He said he'd take care of it, and I didn't think twice about it.  

Last week, the clock didn't record any of my hours.  So they had to enter them in by hand on Monday.  When I mentioned that I had a problem, they immediately thought something else was wrong, as other people had previous problems with their temporary cards. The local HR rep came for my card while I was eating lunch, and I was formally off the clock while the rep did her thing.  A couple of hours later, she noted that she forgot to add a "0" (zero) somewhere, and tested the card again.  Now it worked!  Hopefully, I won't have problems with the card in the future.

- - - - - -

Eventually, it was time to go home.  I needed to get more of my favorite makeup remover wipes, and went to Walmart to see if they were back in stock.  Well, it looks like the store may be discontinuing their line - and now, I have to look for exfoliating wipes strong enough to hold up against my remaining beard stubble.

Once home, I had dinner, then joined my twice weekly Zoom meetup with my Texas friends.  I could only imagine what one of these friends would say if she knew I was transgender....

The mess that is Covid-19 Vaccination.

 

This is a picture taken from inside the Covid vaccination site in Yonkers.  Although it just opened up for any qualified New York State resident to make a vaccination appointment, there are no slots open anymore. Now that we have the vaccines to stop the virus, we do not have a unified system in any state which allows qualified people to do efficient "one stop shopping" for a vaccination site.  This is inexcusable.  Each of the 50 states (plus DC and other US territories) could have hired Google, Microsoft or Amazon to design a site which would make the headache of getting a vaccination appointment as easy as the vaccination itself.

Most people had no problem with "essential workers" getting "first dibs" on vaccinations.  Doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals on the front line deserve to be first on line for the shots.  Hardly anyone had problems with infirm residents of nursing homes getting a high priority for their vaccinations.  But once it came to the general public, both seniors (65+) and people with comorbidities (Diabetes, Hypertension, COPD, etc.) things started getting screwed up.

In New York, we have a state run web site for mass vaccination centers run by the state. New York City has its own site.  And drug stores (and drug store chains) have their own appointment scheduling systems.  In some cases, people are calling health care facilities directly to find out if they are giving shots to specific classes of people.  Total confusion reigns here.  I know one person from a Northern NYC exurb who drove to the South Bronx for her shot - after being given a phone number to call.  It's partially what technology one has access to and who you know that determines when (or if) you will get vaccinated before Summer begins.  And we have it good in New York.  Many other states have it worse!

It could be much worse than to be in New York.  Florida's governor has used his powers to distribute the vaccine to take care of white suburban voters who are likely to vote for Republicans in the next election.  Texas is "reopening" way too early, and will likely trigger a new "super spreader" event once the last of the Covid restrictions are lifted. The "Red States" acted as if the virus wouldn't harm them, and they have some of the highest viral transmission rates in the nation, if not the world. It would make much more sense to vaccinate as large as possible a group of people before starting a slow reopening.  But then, these states largely voted for Trump - and they, like lemmings, will march off a cliff if led there by a foolish leader.

Right now, I have a vaccination appointment scheduled for next month.  If I can, I will try to get an earlier appointment, so I can can socialize in safety by the beginning of Summer.  Hopefully, all of my readers will be able to do the same.

Visiting the dentist - not much to say for today.

 

I don't have much to report today, save that I went to the dentist.  Normally, this would be a non event, but it is the second time I went there as Marian, and I was made to feel totally comfortable by the receptionist (who I've gone with to have a Mani-Pedi several weeks ago).  Yes, I feared making the dental hygienist feel uncomfortable by going in presenting as a female, but she didn't give much of a hoot. (Or, at least, it didn't show on her face.)    

I'm glad that I went there as Marian - I was able to avoid having to change into Mario mode for the dentist, and then change back into Marian for my Tuesday night meetup.  (I wonder if my timing will be OK for tomorrow's zoom meeting with my ex-boss as Mario, followed by an online game night as Marian.)

I only wish I could get enough sleep.

 

Yes, I could go to bed earlier, but I'm a woman with bad habits.  If I had someone to share my bed, things might be different.  But this is not going to be the case for a while yet.

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Last night, I had a hard time falling to sleep.  So, I decided to fire up Netflix and look for the "Headspace Guide to Meditation".  Somehow, if I can get into a meditative state late at night (or when overtired), I will fall asleep.  And this is exactly what happened towards the end of the first episode.

When I awoke early in the morning, several episodes of the series had played while I was asleep, and I switched the TV to MSNBC to get my fix of Morning Joe while I was getting ready for work.  Leaving the house a few minutes earlier than usual, I was able to avoid much of the rush hour crunch that affects Route 9A south of Croton.  This allowed me to reach the office with 20 minutes to spare.  (I needed those minutes to have a second cup of coffee.)

All though the day, Hypnos (the Greek god of sleep) was testing me. Yet, I was able to function tolerably well until the end of the work day.  After stopping at home, I decided to make a quick run to Walmart to get some exfoliating makeup remover wipes.  Walmart's store brand is relatively inexpensive, and their exfoliating wipes don't disintegrate when contacting the stubble on my face.  Unfortunately, they didn't have the exfoliating wipes in stock, so I'll have to look for them on my next Walmart run.  

Maybe tonight, I'll fall out before Perry Mason comes on....

Sunday tends to be my day to take care of weekend chores.

This is what my laundry basket feels to me at the end of the week.  With the exception of one day (or two) which I must go out in the world as Mario, virtually all the clothes in my laundry basket are for Marian. This is a good thing, as I am able to live most of my week as a woman, and enjoy my time both as Marian and as Mario.

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Today, I had 2 things on the docket.  First, I had to buy pre-made meals for lunch at the office. Then, I had to do some laundry so that I'd have something clean to wear during the week.  However, I neglected to do some items, and this will force me to do another load later in the week.  But I digress....

This was not the day to go out and do anything.  It was rainy when I went out to Wegmans, and I ended up spending more money than I planned.  To make things worse, I wanted to get some extra cash from the ATM, and Chase's machines were down at my branch.  (I have no idea whether the whole network was down or not, but this is an inconvenience that justifies my maintenance of more than one checking account for cash withdrawals.

When I finally got around to doing laundry, I forgot a few tops that needed washing.  This is the type of problem a transgal has if she builds up a wardrobe geared to be an office worker, and suddenly finds work in a factory like setting.  Although I have a couple of tops on order, I have to keep all of then clean for work.  So I use all 5 tops I have, and wash them on weekends.  Unfortunately, I forgot to wash some of these tops, so it neccisitated use of a second wash cycle to get these tops ready for the coming week.  It is similar to what I needed to do when presenting as a male.  However, I couldd get away with doing things as a male that I can't do as a female.  So, I'm extra cautious when keeping up my appearances as a female.

Hopefully, by next week I'll have settled into a simple weekend routine.

I decided to go to Long Island today.

 

As I've mentioned before, I grew up on long island.  If one were to find the Easternmost point in Queens County and walk South about 1/4 mile, you'd be in front of the house in which I grew up.   While in the neighborhood, I decided to see what it was like at the local shopping mall, Roosevelt Field.

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It's hard to believe that this mall is the 9th largest shopping mall in the country.  Yet, I think the mall could be in trouble due to the amount of vacant stores.  The pandemic and Amazon have taken their toll, yet the mall still survives.  It's not just a place to go shopping as much as it's a place to spend time participating in American consumer culture.  If we're not spending money in stores, we're visiting them to see what we can buy.

I found it hard to believe how many people were at the mall today.  If I didn't go near the food court, I wouldn't have noticed any evidence that there is a pandemic going on save for the lines to get in a couple of stores. Since this visit was in male mode, I was not going to explore the women's departments looking for bargains.  Instead, I explored some of the clearance merchandise, and avoided spending money at the mall.  

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Years ago, my late wife and I used to visit malls to kill time.  Now that I've gotten older, I find the lure of new things less compelling.  If I buy things now, they are either consumables, things replacing those that no longer fit, or are things replacing those that have worn out. Internet shopping is the future for me, as much as I'd rather shop in person.  Product displays no longer tempt me.  I know what I want, can find it with little help, and do not need the headaches of driving to malls to shop well.  Change has benefited me in more ways than I'd have expected....

The end of the week is here!

 

Above is another work of art from the same hotel/casino.  As much as I am not a gambler, I had a good time when I went there with a then special someone.  I know that she'd be surprised to see me getting up at 6 am every day, as that was the time one had to get up to use the spa's pool before it opened for business.

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Why do I mention a work of art?  Well, I'm thinking of going into NYC this weekend and visiting a museum before the tourists come back to town.  Yes, there is always the risk of catching the virus.  But without a special someone who cares what happens to me, the reward of enjoying myself while I can outweighs the risk of catching the virus.  It is depression or fatalism?  I don't know, but I think it's a form of acceptance of the things I can't fully control.  

Vicki once mentioned that at some time, we have to start living life again.  Recently, the two of us went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant which was busier than the restaurant that FH and I ate at the night before.  FH has little to worry about, as she has had her two vaccination shots, while I should be the one to fear contact with people.  Yet, I'm the one who feels confident going out to eat.  Go figure.

This afternoon, I saw the signs of the end of the pandemic.  Some of the meetup groups that I attend have started to post events for the spring.  It'll be nice to see people again.  But I know that because of last year and my dispute with the ex, that I'm no longer sure of being accepted anywhere due to the dispute.  Yet, I'll deal with those issues if they come up.  At least I can say that I made it through the worst of times alive.  That's more than a lot of people could say if they were able to communicate with us from the beyond....

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