Seeing people from before the pandemic

 

As most of my regular readers know, I was a volunteer at The Loft for several years while I was in between jobs.  Today was the first chance I've had to visit since the beginning of the pandemic - and much has changed....

When I last was at The Loft, I was doing miscellaneous office work on a weekly basis.  Although much of the volunteer work is still needed, the overall vibe of the building has changed.  First, The Loft and the Church above it no longer operate a thrift store.  That died in the early days of the pandemic, never to return again.  Then, the organization which takes up the other half of the lower floor has expanded its footprint.  The Loft no longer feels at home in this building, as the church above has rented out another part of the building to a "fundamentalist" church.  After 3 years of this, The Loft is about to announce a development that I should not put into electronic ink until it is announced formally.  However, I can say that it is good news for people who have a hard time reaching the building....

It was nice to see a couple of the people I once worked with.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see them more often when I eventually leave my job....

Getting older is a pain

 

If life were only this simple.  An older couple looking forward to a simpler life of ease.  Sadly, this is not the case for most of us, as we (collectively) have poorly prepared ourselves for the problems of getting old.

Today, I received another bill from a lab company which I thought was taken care of by my doctor's office.  Twice, I've contacted my doctor's office to get a billing error fixed, and this has not taken place.  The lady behind the desk says everything is fixed, only for me to find out that it is not fixed.  Since I don't want the bill to go into collections, I will need to take some time off from work to make phone calls to see what is going on and get things fixed.  AARGH!  We need single payer health care, and we won't get it in my lifetime.

On other matters, I have a car that is over 180k miles old.  I should be thinking of buying a new car.  But in this market, I have to ask the question - does it make sense to replace the car now, or should I deal with it when the car finally breaks down for good?  This is a hard question, as I don't plan on turning on social security benefits for 18 months, and I hate the idea of draining more money from savings than I absolutely need to do.

These problems, and others like it are to be expected as we get older.  Trans people have a few more of them, as many have to deal with legal issues and medical issues specific to the trans community.  (Luckily, I have not reached the point where I have to deal with these issues.  They would only be in front of me if I went through with a legal and/or medical transition.)  Hopefully, I will not need to worry about too many of them for a long while....

Sometimes, the less said, the better.

Recently, I had a conversation with someone whom I rarely exchange messages.  I didn't say anything much about this conversation, as I didn't want to bother a third party.  Well, I got the other side of things today by simply saying nothing.

- - - - - -

If I could have learned one thing when younger, it would be better communication skills.  Who knows how far I could have gone, either as Marian or as Mario.  Yet, I feel that much of my recent growth has been because my Marian personality has strengthened Mario as well.

Right now, I feel that I have 20-30 years of life left in me, and I want to make the most out of the active years I have left to me.  To do that, I still need to improve my communication skills, so that what comes out of my mouth will make me more attractive instead of scaring people away.

I will not talk much about today's messages, save that they were very informative.  And I would have not received them if I had opened up my mouth.  Go figure....

Oh... Of course, dear! I'll lend you MY gun.

 

I always found this bit of dark humor funny.  What type of protection does this woman really need?

As I write this entry, congress has agreed on a framework for new firearms regulations.  It's not perfect, but it is movement which we've needed for a long while.  The American public is tired of a political system that is too calcified to get needed things done.  But that's not the focus of this entry.  It's a quick note to give you an idea of one of the issues that concern me.

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Today was my first day back at work after a weekend that seemed pleasantly longer than usual.  It was also the first day that I was able to put on a dress for a while.  And this felt natural to me, as if I was born to wear them.  

Last week, I received the first of my dresses from the Avenue.  I had ordered a Steel blue/gray dress and couldn't track it.  So, I mistakenly thought that I didn't order the dress and ordered two more.  Thday, the other two dresses came in, and I now have to think about how to return one, exchanging it for one in a different color.  There are two more dresses I want to buy, this time from Target.  Both are inexpensive, one of them being on clearance.  So I might just buy these two, and retire others I have in my wardrobe.  This way, I can have some "newish" dresses I can wear when I go to Hawaii later in the year.

While we're talking about Hawaii, the cruise line sent me an email directing me to send them my full LEGAL name.  Ever since 9/11, airport security has gotten tighter and tighter, and I've had to plan things for a mode of transport I haven't used in a decade and will need to use for my trip to Hawaii.  It's hard to believe that this trip will be coming up sooner than I feel it's coming, and that I soon will need to pay for this trip.

When I do take the Hawaii trip, I'll be sure to take a lot of pictures and post them here when I get home.  Hopefully, I'll feel comfortable taking this trip solely in Marian Mode.  (I'll have to ask Kim for advice on this....)

Closing out a weekend - a tiny post

 

RQS and I woke up early, so that I could drive her to the gym for her weekly meeting with her personal trainer.  Both of us were tired and didn't want the weekend to end, but....

- - - - - -

The last time I drove RQS home, it was hot and humid, and the car was in danger of over heating.  Today, it was cool and the drive was uneventful.  As much as I'd have liked to go car shopping on the way home, I didn't have the energy to do so.  So, I drove straight home to rest.

Now that I was home, I had a choice: change into Marian mode and go out food shopping, or stay as Mario and do the same.  Given that I had at least one load of laundry to do and prep for the next day at work, you can guess what I did.....

The start of a long weekend doing nothing much.

 

If you're expecting a lot of "Sturm und Drang" from me and RQS this weekend, you'd be mistaken.  We still keep getting along better than either of us would have expected.

- - - - - -

We were very tired when we got to bed Friday night and we got up late the next morning.  This wasn't a problem, as neither of us had much of anything to do, save a little bit of shopping.  RQS and I wanted to stop by Bed Bath and Beyond, Christmas Tree Shops, and Trader Joe's.  So, it was off to lower county.  Both of us did some serious damage to our credit cards before returning home.

RQS and I had an interesting conversation regarding transgenderism, intersex, and gender preference.  I find it very interesting that she is open to new ideas in this area, unlike many women I've dated in the past.  And so far, she has not run away.  Although I don't think she'll do that many things with me in Marian mode, I don't think she'll run away from me either.

When we got back home, RQS suggested that she stay another night, and have me drive her home in the morning  - and I said, "Yes!" without need for thought....

Another quick post - The public hearings have begun

The above illustrates what I think of Trump and his disaster of a presidency.  Although some good things came of it, the damage he did to public comity was akin to pouring gasoline onto a flame. Today was the first of the televised hearings of the January 6th committee. This started the process of demonstrating to the public that Trump was responsible for the Capitol Hill riots.

At this point, I have to note that I was not watching the public testimony on June 9th.  Instead, I read the online commentary, as I was at game night enjoying myself.  Given what happened that day, I can't see myself watching scenes from the riot without getting sick.  If one drinks the MAGA Kool-Aid, then what one sees will be what the former president wanted one to see - loyal Americans fighting to take back their government.  If doesn't drink the Kool-Aid, then one sees an insurrection in progress on January 6th.  Either way, this is not an event that can be allowed to happen again.

Hopefully, I'll be able to watch future presentations where the violence is downplayed.  It is important that we watch things like this, as our republic will die if our public ceases to be aware of what is going on in society from the viewpoint of an objective observer.

Cruising to new ports

 

One cruise destination I have done more than once is New England and the Canadian Maritime provinces.  Given that this route usually runs from New York to Halifax, NS, there is not much new to see on this route.  Yes, some cruises stop at one or more of these ports: Newport, RI; Boston, MA; Portland, ME; and Bar Harbor, ME.  But these are all places I have visited before as Marian and as Mario.  The basic New England/Canada 7 day cruise has become boring to me.  

When I saw a 16 day cruise with these ports, my eyes perked up (as did the rest of me):

• Halifax, NS (Canada)
• Sydney, NS (Canada)
• Nuuk, (Greenland)
• Nanortalik, (Greenland)
• Qaqortoq, (Greenland)
• St. John's, NL (Canada)

Not only were there 5 new ports for me, but the single port I wanted to visit again was on the list as well.  Although this cruise would not add any points to my NCL status (this cruise is on Princess), it would be unique.  The only way I'd have a chance of getting to the last 5 ports would be on a pair of (25 and 36 day) cruises being sailed by Holland America next year. 

Given that there is no single supplement at the time I write, I could take this cruise for under $2000.  If I were to take this cruise, should I go as Mario or Marian?  What do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Quick Post - Scheduling dinner at a halfway point

 

Years ago, I dated RO, but dropped her for the same reason I dropped MWL - their hips were out of proportion to the rest of their bodies.  It would be hard for me to get turned on by a woman with those hips, and I didn't want to make the same mistake I made with Ex-GF-M.  However, we have remained good friends and have tried to get together now and then.  (FYI: RO is someone who knows me as Marian, has seen me as Mario, but relates to me as a female.)

Covid-19 put an end to getting together.  No one was going anywhere, and both she and her hubby did their lock down in the Poconos home.  Now that things have opened up again, we have decided to get together again, this time at a restaurant halfway between the two of us.  Since I'll be leaving straight from work, I'll have to fight rush hour traffic to see her.

It'll be nice to get together again.  And I'll be sure to wear a nice dress the day we meet again....  

Some credit cards are not worth keeping

 

The other day, I decided to buy a new dress from the Avenue's site.  Given that an all cotton dress is a rarity on this company's site these days, I decided to jump on one in a color I liked.  I placed the order, and nothing happened.  When I say nothing, I mean nothing.  The original default credit card option I used was no longer on the site from what I could tell (I was tired and could have missed things), and the order was never placed, with no error or warning being given to me.

Some of you might be thinking that I logged on to a scam site. But this was the site I've saved in my bookmarks, and have used many times in the past.  So, what happened?  After looking around, I didn't see their card listed in approved payment methods.  Although the current site's server sends out web pages which reference their store credit card, it wasn't available for me to use.

What do I think happened?

Given the declining profit of  of store cards, I feel that the in-house card was quietly phased out.  I could very easily be wrong about this.  But when I redid the order and decided to buy two dresses of the same style, I noticed that the store card option was no longer listed in the payment options.  Could this be related to Visa/Master Card/Discover/American Express all offering cash back cards?  It could be, as store cards do not offer the same value in rewards as major credit cards do, and they can only be used in one company's operations.

I wonder when my other store cards will bite the dust....

 

 

PS: The order was placed, and I did receive the dress.   I must have been extremely tired when I placed that order.

Thai Food - Yum!

 

 

One thing I love about being in New York City is that there are some wonderful restaurants in the outer boroughs.  Chachawan, in Ridgewood Queens, is one of those restaurants.  After having some good, but bland, Korean food the week before, it was a pleasure to go to this local joint for a Saturday evening dinner.

- - - - - -

When I'm with RQS, we try to find local restaurants in her neighborhood which have promise.  This restaurant is quickly becoming one of one of our favorites. She had a curry while I had the Three Flavors Duck.  Compared with the duck we had last weekend, this was wonderful.  I'd make the effort to go to this restaurant even if RQS weren't in the picture - it is that good.

A nice thing about New York City is that each neighborhood has at least one "go to" restaurant.  Ridgewood has several - including one of my favorites, Zum Stammtisch.  This restaurant has been in the neighborhood for 50 years, and I have been going there for 40 of those years.  When RQS and I finally get there, we will be taking a bus to reach the restaurant - it doesn't make sense to give up a good parking spot once you have found one.

Obviously, with easy access to Manhattan, it will be a while before we have completed our Ridgewood food safari. This is good, as there are no nearby Dim Sum joints like the Nom Wah Tea Parlor. But then, New York City is known for being a dining oasis....

Dinner with a friend

 

Last night, I had dinner with a friend from the meetup group whose meetings I irregularly attend.  She's a nice woman, about 30 years old, and not sure of what direction to take in life.  Sadly, she has a similar lack of charisma to me, and I think it is her mode of speech that makes me think she's lonely.

So what can make a good person repel people without bad habits or bad intent? This has been a question that I've asked of myself over the years, and I don't have a good answer.  But I know that I feel much more confident when presenting as Marian.  This might be because I have less social history as Marian, and less history of being rejected by people.  Our experiences add up over the years and influence how we express ourselves.  We learn to be timid or assertive from the body languages and spoken languages of our parents, coupled with the experiences we endure as we grow up. It's hard to undo these "lessons", as they force us to repeat these unproductive expressions of body language and of spoken language.

Luckily, being trans and expressing ourselves in our identified gender starts to liberate us.  We learn how to communicate in new ways and learning a new gender body language makes it easier for us to feel more confident and relaxed.  No, transition does not solve our problems.  But it gives us a tool to help us on our way to dealing with those problems effectively.  If it weren't for the fact that I want romance in my life more than transition, I'd be rushing down my path of transition because of the freedom I'm experiencing as Marian....

Starting to catch up with people

 

Harpo Marx has nothing to do with this post, save this is my favorite picture of him, and that he is my favorite among all the Marx Brothers as people. (Groucho is my favorite on screen.)  

- - - - - -

Today was my last day of work before the weekend.  And my schedule included dealing with a phone call from the Medicare Insurance Agent (for my Part D coverage) and having dinner with a friend from my meetup groups.  What I didn't plan for was a 90 minute phone call with my ex girlfriend Patty, as her hubby was busy with a gig.  So, bu the time I reached RQS, it was getting close to midnight.  

But first....

I haven't been sleeping that well, and I could have used another 2 hours of sleep before going to work.  But I was awake and alert all day.  I guess it relates to me having more liquid when I get up and some calories (in the form of carbs) to burn before leaving home.

After 8 hours at my workstation, it was time for me to leave and get ready for dinner.  Dinner was scheduled for 6:30 at a nearby restaurant.  Since I had the insurance agent scheduled, I pushed the time forward to 7 pm.  And this was a good thing, as the insurance agent didn't bother calling me.  Luckily, the restaurant is 5 minutes away from me and I got there at 7 o'clock sharp. My friend and I had a nice meal together.  She is young enough to be my daughter and she sees me as if I were a cisgender woman.  And that is how I relate to her.   

Once I got home, Patty and I had a nice long chat and caught up on things. I won't go into any of the details here, save that we talked about family members with similar issues, medicare issues, and residence issues.  We could have talked more, but her hubby got home and she wanted to spend time with him.  So I suggested a dinner foursome with RQS, and let her spend the end of the evening with her hubby.

Next was RQS.  We caught up on what was going on for the day, and then it was time to go to bed.  At this point, I picked up some clothing I'd need for the next day, and packed for an overnight with her. However, I made sure that I transferred everything from Marian's wallet to Mario's wallet.  The last thing I want is to have no ID in my wallet when I need it - as happened with XGFJ several years ago....

A conversation with FCP

Earlier this year, I found out that FCP had a grandchild and that her son had graduated med school.  So I sent her congratulations, even though we were still on the outs with each other.  Two weeks after the last message, she sent a message to tell me that she was offended that I sent a card to her son and daughter in law to offer my congratulations.  (She tried calling me, but I wouldn't have picked up if I knew it were her - I don't react well to someone screaming.)  I wasn't going to say this to her, but I knew that her son holds no grudge against me, and probably was glad to receive my card.

After several failed phone calls, FCP sent a text message and we had a series of message exchanges.  I found out that my ex girlfriend was much more unhappy in our relationship than she let on to me (the ex told me that she hinted a lot and expected me to pick up on her obtuse hints), and complained to FCP.  (I'd give a cookie to know who contacted who first, but that's another story.)  Given the way things were phrased in the exchange, I think that FCP wanted to make sure that my relationship with the ex was going to die, so that she could get even with me.

Now, I'm not going to go into details here, but I think I was set up by FCP without even sensing it.  It's just as well that things are over with both people, as there's nothing that would have come from the relationship with the ex, as we never talked about having a future together after 5 years of a relationship.  Being transgender was only one of the things that the ex couldn't deal with, and I'll leave it at that.  All I can say is that I wasted 5 years with the ex when I could have been searching for someone who could accept me fully as I am - in both gender presentations.  This is not a knock on my ex as much as it is a knock on two people who couldn't shit or get off the pot for as long as we did.

Do I know what the objective truth is regarding what happened all these months ago?  No.  But I'm closer to being able to say that the ex was unhappy, was unable to advocate for her needs with me, and was destined to leave a lot later than she should have.  Regarding FCP, I should have never had made public things which I did.  And both of us have grown because we no longer lean on each other for support....

 

 

PS: I had another message from FCP, and she was upset upon reading this.  She didn't like my accusing her of being in the middle of things and causing trouble, so she is blocking communications from me.  Sadly, she can't accept that others can come up with different conclusions based on the information available to them.  And, when neither person trusts each other anymore, it is very easy to assume the worst from the other.

 

Computer Interface Problems

 

No matter how programmers try their best, they will always screw up a little.  In my case, the programmer who designed the aa.com website made the page where security questions are saved not work with my internet security program (Kaspersky) on Firefox, Chrome, and MS Edge.  It could be a problem with another of the programs I'm using on my computer, but I was able to enter this data by using the Opera browser.

Sadly, there is no way to test software to run on every device.  But I feel that many programmers could do a better job - both when designing web sites (and their underlying software) and in internet security packages.  Sometimes, I'd like to have an easy way to disable all browser extensions for use on a particular web page AND disable most of the security checks as well.  Obviously, this is not an approach for the feint hearted, as one can do this for a web site run by a scammer.

It's very unfortunate that we need complex interfaces to perform simple computer functions on the web. Gone are the days where we could submit information without a Captcha and without multi factor verification.  And this is for the better, as more of our lives are managed via the computer than they were even 5 years ago.  We need to be secure, and this complexity is there for our benefit.

- - - - - -

Regarding the aa.com site....

I tried using my system with all of the major browsers.  However, I also use a version of Opera which has no browser extensions.  I'll bet that if my security package didn't tie itself in so tightly with the other browsers, that I'd have been infected with malware by now....

Everything's getting old these days.

 

This morning, I took off a half day from work for a doctor's visit.  After checking me up a bit, he noted that I needed to have some tests done, and I had to take care of going to another place in town to have them done.  AARGH!  I hate doing this.  But I will do so.  But this is not the only thing that's growing old - my car is getting on in miles, and it's time to get a replacement. I'm not happy about what needs to be done, as it will cost me time and money.  Time is now the most precious commodity in life, as we will never have enough of it.

It's amazing that the more I have to do, the less time I have to do it. This is the life of a busy person, even when s/he is not doing that much anymore.  Yet, I keep getting surprised by things.  This morning, I received some snail mail from Social Security about monies I had in a pension plan with the bank I once worked for.  The information I received was from 7 years ago - regarding a 401k I have with the bank.  It's nice to know that our government is trying to make sure that our citizens know about the retirement funds they have already earned with other employers.

The two remaining tasks I have to take care of before going to work is finding out when I can go in for the tests the doctor prescribed AND when I can bring the car to the mechanic.  I guess that getting old will involve many more appointments for things that are starting to break down....

The end of a long weekend

 

This was my best weekend yet with RQS.  Not only did she get to meet me in Marian Mode, but we went shopping for dresses together.  Hopefully, she won't get spooked when she has time to think about things by herself.

Today was a lazy day, where we stayed in our jammies until after breakfast, and then took a drive to see if the tire shop was open on a Holiday (I wanted to chat with the person in charge to see if this shop does certain work I need done.)  Of course, as I expected, the shop was closed for the holiday.  But we enjoyed getting out in the sun before tomorrow's oppressive heat comes.

If you were to think about today's image, that's the feeling we've both been craving for years.  (However, you'll never find me with a beard anymore.) Right now, I think we've found it in each other.  And I missed her when I dropped her off at the train station, barely in time to catch the train home.  Hopefully, she misses being with me as much as much as I miss being with her....

Dress Shopping

 

Today was the moment of truth.  Could RQS and I spend the whole day together with me in Marian Mode?  That was the question of the day.

We both started getting dressed around noon.  At various stages during the dressing process, I popped out to say hello.  She wasn't shocked.  However, I made sure NOT to go out to see her with my makeup on, but not my wig.  And I think that was the right decision.

Off we went to Karina Dresses in Kingston. It was a nice day for a drive, and I took it slow, so that RQS could enjoy the scenery. By the time we made it there, it was shortly after 3 pm. And that's when we both started trying on dresses.  Although I couldn't find anything that fit me perfectly (their sizes are slightly small), RQS found 2 dresses she loved.  So it was she who made the best out of the trip.  

Our next stop was in Peekskill.  We wanted to find out if ShopRite was still selling lobsters at $12/lb. If they were, we'd skip the lobster truck and cook some crustaceans on our own.  We ended up buying 3 tasty critters for me to cook.  For my own edification, I decided to find the lobster truck that was servicing the area.  And it was in the back of beyond in a place I'd never find without google maps.  

When we got home, we got comfortable while the water was getting to a boil.  Once the water was hot enough, in went the 3 lobsters.  A few minutes later, we pigged out on fresh lobster.  Instead of spending $50 on 2 lobster rolls, each containing 4-6 oz. of lobster meat, we had 3 x 1.5 lb lobsters to chow down on.  YUM!

All in all, it was a very nice day, and hopes for future nice days like this - with me in Marian mode.

Some more car shopping

 

So far, I have test driven 3 cars.  If the dealerships weren't so understandably greedy these days, I might have dropped the hammer and bought one of these cars.  No, I am not knocking the dealerships.  They are doing exactly what they should be doing when a product is in short supply - raising prices to reach a stable point on a supply/demand curve.

RQS and I stayed in most of the day, as the weather was dreary.  It was raining hard throughout the morning and early afternoon, and it was not good for taking test drives.  By 3:00 pm, the weather started getting better, and we went to Central Avenue to start our car shopping expedition.  The first of the cars I drove was a Hyundai.  As much as I liked the Kona, I felt that there was something missing.  (It is still on my list of possible purchases.)  Next was the Elantra (shown above).  I liked the car, but had my usual problem of bumping my head upon entry.  This dealer was willing to haggle a bit, but didn't seem too greedy.

The next dealer was a Honda dealer, where we tried out their HR-V.  This car said "Buy Me at the right price!"  But the salesman said that the dealership was asking $3k above MSRP.  There is no way I will pay that much as the manufacturers are ramping up production and that supply chains will soon get back to normal.  The salesman had his obligatory meeting with the salesman, and said that they had some wiggle room.  (I figure that if I offer $1k over MSRP, I could get the car for $1.5 if I hold firm.)

As you can guess, I hate paying MSRP for anything.  So I'm not in too much of a hurry for now.  But I want to get a new car purchase done by the time I leave my job.  Keep your fingers crossed....

The beginning of an interesting weekend

 

It was a very interesting weekend indeed!  At least, it was for me.  

I had told RQS that I'd pick her up at the train station in Marian mode.  Would she be shocked?  Or, would it be a non issue.  In a way, this was make or break time for us, as she needed to find out how she'd feel about seeing me in Marian mode.  So, it was with a little trepidation that I got ready for work on Friday. I wanted to look my best for when I met RQS in Marian mode for the first time.

The end of the work day approached, and I got ready to take a long weekend off.  At exactly 4:30 pm, I shut down my work station, grabbed my handbag, and out the door I went.  After taking care of a couple of things, such as filling up the gas tank, it was time to meet RQS.  She didn't recognize me at first, but she recognized the car.  And, she saw it was the same person inside - but she had to get used to me wearing a wig and speaking in a more feminine voice.

Once we got back to my place, I switched back into Mario mode for the rest of the evening.  We had passed our first test with me presenting as Marian, and I didn't want to overwhelm her.  There would be more to come over the weekend.