I received an unexpected package today

 

The other day, I received notice from USPS Informed Delivery that I should expect a package that originated from New Rochelle, NY.  Who could be sending a package?  What was in the package?  Why was this package being sent?  So many questions, and absolutely no clues.

When the package arrived, I saw my name listed as Marian, and not as Mario.  So, it had to be from someone who knows me as Marian.  But the package was in one of these USPS Priority Mail envelopes, so I had little information available to me.  So, I opened the envelope and found some paperwork for my 2023 taxes.  Now I had my answer - Fran (the TG accountant who bailed on preparing my taxes due to health issues) was cleaning out her files, and sent me what I once gave her instead of shredding the paperwork. What could this mean?  Was Fran giving up on having me as a client, given last year's issues?  Who knows?  But I had no plans to work with Fran this year, as I didn't like how she handled RQS's taxes last year.   

RQS has already had her taxes done by the same lady who prepared my taxes last year.  As soon as my brother has prepared the financials for our property, I'll be making an appointment with this woman and driving to Queens to get my taxes done.  Unfortunately, this will likely force me to spend 2 days as Mario, as I don't want to introduce Marian so someone who has to deal with me as Mario.  This is the most frustrating part of being both Marian and Mario on a part time basis.

Dresses - I love to wear them, but I have way too many of them.

 

Ever since I was little, I was envious of the women in the movies, as they could wear long, flowing dresses and no one would think strangely of them.  My TV was capable of showing Black & White images, while most of the movies on TV then were Monochrome films.  The aspect ratio of both the TV and the images on film were 4x5, and that was good enough for me.

As I grew older, I never grew out of the wish to wear dresses as part of my everyday life, and take on a woman's role.  No, I did not fancy myself being with a man.  The subconscious image I had of myself was a large, but attractive woman - sort of the woman my wife was when I married her.  Although my wife knew of my interest in wearing women's clothes, the only time she said NO to it was on our wedding night.  Too bad she couldn't have seen me now.  But then, would I have crossed one bridge too far?

Over the past 10+ years, I have built up a large feminine wardrobe, most of the garments being dresses. Several times, I've gotten to the point where I have to prune the contents of my closet to make way for new garments.  And another round of pruning will be coming up soon.  My only question will be: which garments will I be pruning?

If you were to look at my closet, I probably have more dresses than I could wear in a month.  Couple this with the contents of my storage containers, and I could fill up another donation bag with clothes that will go to charity.  Although I do not like wearing trouser like garments, I still have those I wore to the imaging firm I worked at between 2022 and 2023.  Will I get rid of them (and the tops I wore with them)?  Probably not.  I still want to blend in with as many cisgender females as possible.  But I will cull the cheap stuff from my closet while I replace it with better quality clothing.

Unlike most transgender people, I have had the luxury of buying new garments and upgrading them over time.  I have also had enough room (and privacy) to store my female clothes without having to hide them away from a wife, family, or friends. And most of all, I have a girlfriend (I should say, partner) who has no problems with me presenting as Marian.

Now if only I could get her comfortable with me having breasts of my own....

It's been a long weekend, and I'm almost glad it's over

 

I'll bet that RQS was feeling like this on her way home today.  On Friday, she had lost her cell phone, and we drove to Queens on Saturday to retrieve it.  Most of the remaining weekend was spent resting, recharging ourselves for the week ahead.

But why do I mention this?

My brother had a busier weekend than I did.  My nephew lives on the west coast, and my brother went out there for a competition my nephew participated in.  As expected, my nephew did well, and is preparing for the next step in his competitive career.  This meant that my brother didn't have the time to take care of paperwork I needed, nor did he have the time to recharge his batteries after an over-full week at work.  There was no way I was going to pester my brother for paperwork with the stuff he has going on in his life.  Instead, I made sure to talk about my nephew for 20 minutes before asking any questions such as: Did my brother have the chance to find my grandmother's death certificate? Of course, he also had an answer for my unasked question.  And we then proceeded to talk about priorities for the rental property we jointly own.

- - - - - -

When RQS finally made it home, she found something in her mailbox - jury duty pay.  Someone had pilfered the original check sent to her, so she had to file a claim for the money owed to her.  Now, she can afford to treat me to a fine dinner at l'Arca del Oro. (That's Mickey D's, for those who don't get the reference.)  She's in a better place than she was a week ago.  And now, I gave her a much more pleasant task than the doctors did last week - choosing a restaurant to go to for Hudson Valley Restaurant Week (HVRW).

Running to Queens for a phone

 

RQS has been discombobulated this past week, all because of a medical issue.  And that has resulted in a sort of mental fog which has caused both forgetfulness and clumsiness which have been frustrating at least.  Yesterday was the culmination of a week where the brain fog cost us both time and money.... 

- - - - - -

Our plans for the day were to wake up at 6 am, so that we could get to RQS's neighborhood by 10 am.  This is where we were to pick up her phone at the store of a fellow who found it.  So, when the alarm woke me at 6, I fiddled around a little, and then prepared to go out for the day as Marian.  RQS followed suit, and by 8:15, we were out the door and headed for Queens.  Both of us were relatively silent, as we weren't fully awake yet.

Arriving in Queens, we had a minor disagreement (do not stress that word, it was a light difference of opinion) as to where we had to go.  Thankfully, we had Google Maps to guide us - the store we had to go to was on the other side of the subway station.  If we didn't follow directions, we'd have wasted a few minutes getting back to where we needed to go.  So I parked the car in front of the store, and RQS came back with her phone and all of her cards.

We had time to kill before lunch with friends.  So it was off to the bookstore to have some coffee and to buy a book or two.  On the way, we had to stop at an ATM and get some money.  Luckily, both the bank we needed and the bookstore were in the same neighborhood, and we didn't have to drive too far before being able to settle down with a cup of Joe.

Next, it was off to White Plains. We were lucky to get there when we did, as they were starting to reroute traffic for a St. Patty's Day celebration.  (Why they didn't wait until the next weekend befuddles me, as it would have been March 15th, and not March 8th.)  This eliminated the cheap 2-hour metered parking that we wanted, and forced us to use the "expensive" parking lot under the building the restaurant was housed in.  Once parked, we met our friends and had a great lunch.  I won't say too much about this couple, save that they are as ethnically mixed as RQS and I, and that we have similar feelings about the world.   

Finally, we were on our way home around 3:30.  After a quick drugstore visit, we were home for the night.  And even here, the fog still affected RQS, as she lost some stuff she'll need to replace tomorrow. Let's hope that the fog has completely lifted when she wakes up in the morning.

This is how my car puts on mileage

 

Lately, RQS has been dealing with a few health issues.  Several days ago, a specialist told her that she had to go to the emergency room as one of her tests came in at ridiculously high levels. She was discharged the same evening, with new scripts for new medicines.  Given this visit to the emergency room, she has not been her normal self - the feelings of helplessness and feeling ignored by the medical professionals came back and hit her hard.  

While in the ER, the doctors rescheduled an appointment to get her to another specialist 3 months earlier than originally scheduled.  During this visit, the doctor gave her advice on what she should be eating (for example, kill the carbs) and how much exercise she should be getting.  As an aside, the 2nd specialist suggested that she should find a replacement for specialist #1, as s/he didn't pay attention to her when she wanted to discuss how treatments for her first issue would interfere/intersect with treatments for the second issue.

As you can guess, RQS was not "all there" for the second half of the week.  So, when she came up to see me, she had a "comedy" of misfortunes occur.  First, her scarf got tangled in the wheel of her suitcase.  Thankfully, her Uber driver got it untangled and tossed everything in the trunk of the car.  As she was dropped off at the subway station, her cell phone fell out of her pocket.  Luckily, she had her ID, some money, and everything needed to come to Croton with her.  But she was totally out of sync with her normal self.  While RQS was on her way up, my ex-GF Patty told me that her sister's wake would be tonight.  If I were to have gone, I'd be dressing as Mario and driving to Fishkill to pay my respects.  This would have been an awkward introduction of Patty and RQS.  Luckily, I wasn't expected to pay my respects, as they were keeping everything small.  So, I dressed as Marian, and picked RQS up at the station.

There was no way I would take RQS straight to my place, as she was ravenously hungry.  So, it was off to the diner in Peekskill for dinner.  While there, she contacted Uber and sent in a request for help. Uber didn't respond quickly, so I thought of something after dinner - calling her phone to see if anyone had found it.  Someone did!  So we are meeting him at 10 am to pick the phone up and say thanks.  But this means that we have to get up at the crack of dawn to get showered and dressed, so that we could be in RQS's neighborhood around 9:30 am, and then mosey back to Westchester to see friends (with me in Marian mode) at 1 pm.

It took until 11 pm for RQS to fully relax (or, as much as she could under the circumstances).  Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, and I'm not looking forward to the drive....

Although I took it easy today, I had things to do.

 

A while back, I met this woman and scheduled a lunch together.  I had a weird feeling about her, as she was asking me a lot of questions that one usually doesn't ask in the early stages of a friendship.  Although we said we'd meet again, this never happened.  And I think that this was good luck for me, as something didn't feel right about her, making me glad that I had already frozen my credit report a few months beforehand.

Why do I mention this today?

I've been getting weird feelings about what is happening in this country.  Last night, I watched a clip from a senate hearing, where a Democratic senator asked one of the Orange Snowflake's loyalists: Given the President's actions in regard to Ukraine (as well as other actions), do you think the man holding that office is a Russian Asset?  Of course, the loyalist ducked answering the question.  In a way, we have our answer, and us transgender folk should be planning our lives accordingly, given Russia's feelings about the LGBTIQ community  My big question is - why aren't more people talking about this?

But onto other things....

This was a day where I didn't get out of bed until 11 am, and even then, didn't get moving until 1 pm.  So, I started to clean out some more stuff from behind the loveseat, and filled up a donation bag which can go to Green Drop on Saturday.  It's amazing how many garments I had stored that I no longer wear. So, out the door it goes.

And then, it was time to get showered and dressed to go to a meetup. I arrived at 6:30, and only 4 people had arrived.  By 6:45, we had a total of 10 people, including DS from the Yonkers gaming meetup.  When DS arrived, she mentioned that she couldn't deal with political talk, and for the most part, we didn't do so.  But then, someone made a mistake, and DS left quicker than a speeding bullet.  I mentioned to the ladies who were left that DS is very unhappy with her present job, and probably has to hear a lot of BS coming from her idiot boss about the orange snowflake.  We got quiet for a minute, as everyone realized what happened, and then we got to venting about the latest atrocity the snowflake has thought up.

Right now, I'm not so sure of what I should say to DS, as I want to apologize for not reading her correctly, and not steering others away from this topic.  It's a sick thing, what the snowflake is doing to this country, and I fear that things will get much worse before things get better....

I apologize for ranting too much

 

Lately, it seems to me, that I've been complaining about things going on in the world too much.  Yes, Our rights as transgender people are under attack, and our president is "owned" by Russia, and is doing Russia's bidding.  Yet, I am grateful to live in a state where I can come and go as my authentic self, without worry that I will be hassled by any law enforcement authority.

Yet, I've noticed something.  For reasons other than fear, I haven't been getting outside of my place enough and living an authentic life.  Could it be the weather?  (As I write this, it is raining outside.)  Could it be commitments I have that requires me to present as Mario?   (I had to go out as Mario in order to buy a new Mattress and Bed Frame last night.) Could it be anything else? (I did spend part of the day sorting out some of the containers behind my loveseat.) There have been so many things that I needed to do, that I have felt a little overwhelmed and have retreated into my comfort space.

One has to keep one's focus on what's important, so that can take care of the most important things first.  I may not have been doing that.  Yesterday, I worked around the house, possibly to avoid spending the money I knew I'd have to spend on new bedding.  It could be much worse.  My brother is putting in 50-60 hours each week in a job for which should only need 40. He also has to deal with fire department financials, managing the project of bringing the family homestead into a shape where we can raise the rent on the place, and to prepare financials for the house, so that I can get my taxes done.  And, to top it all off, he is flying out west to see my nephew for the weekend.

As you can see, there are other people who are under more stress than I am.  But I expect that we all will start to suffer if the orange snowflake does half the damage to America that he could be doing.  If you find yourself starting to be overwhelmed by fear and worry about the future, just remember these words that are applicable in almost every situation:

 

"This too, shall pass." 

 

The trick will be to keep one's perspective while it passes....