A visit to the Paley Center for Media

 

The Paley Center for Media. It's the perfect museum for a couch potato to visit when s/he has nothing to do. And this is the place that RQS and I visited this weekend.

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To start at the beginning....

Like many couples, RQS and I ask each other on a weekly basis:

"What do we want to do this weekend?"

We'll usually find a new museum to go to, or restaurant to try out.  But it always seems to be a variant on the usual theme.  We are simply looking for ways to avoid boredom, and want to do something that nurtures us in doing so.  

Saturday morning came, and we slowly got ready to trek into Manhattan.  The subway route that we would normally have taken was out.  So we ended up taking an alternate way into Manhattan, and get to Rockefeller Center by 1:30 pm.  From there, it was a short walk to the Paley Center.

 

Arriving at the Paley Center, we were surprised at how empty the museum was.  We started our visit downstairs, and viewed some programs related to Women's History Month.  We were the only two people in the theater.  Next, we went upstairs to see an exhibit on Black Achievements in Music on TV.  Both physical and video artifacts were on display, two of which were Louis Armstrong's Trumpet and Chuck Berry's guitar.  It was a small, but well curated exhibit.  But it paled in comparison to what is on display in Washington, DC.  (I've gotten spoiled by exhibitions at the Smithsonian museums.) 

And then, we went upstairs again to see some videos related to animation.  This wasn't that interesting, so we left the theater and looked at Al Hirschfeld's work and the art of Television on display. This was most interesting, and worth the trip upstairs.  Yet, we couldn't find all the Ninas in the pictures.  Next, it was up to the fourth floor to watch videos from their collection.  This time, I couldn't find the video of Groucho Marx appearing on the Jack Benny show riffing on the theme of Groucho's show, "You Bet Your Life."  But I did find something well worth watching for a Yankee Baseball fan - Game 5 of the 1956 World Series.  

On our way out of the Paley Center, RQS stopped to see whether she could join as a member.  By doing so, our admission fee was refunded and we helped the center in its mission.  Next time, I'll look for a similar deal with another museum we'd visit more than once, and do the same thing.

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By this time, our stomachs were growling, and we decided to go to the Nom Wah Tea Parlor's Nolita outpost.  Unlike their Chinatown site, this establishment was easy to get in to without a wait, but had a more limited selection of Dim Sum.  I was surprised that one could order everything via a touch screen, but had trouble with the credit card reader.  Although the food was as good as their original site, I still prefer going to their smaller venue in Chinatown with Ping's Seafood as a fallback.

Finally, it was time to go back to RQS's place for the evening.  It was nice to know that our weekend subway connections got us back to her place almost as quick as if we were traveling on a weekday. And it was something for us to remember the next time her subway line does a weekend termination at its first Manhattan stop.

Getting dressed can be such a pain

 

When I get dressed as Mario, my decisions are extremely simple.  I choose a short or long sleeved shirt from my closet, and a dark pair of trousers.  Weather conditions rarely matter, but I will add a sweater in a solid dark color when it is cold outside.  Rarely do I need to wear a suit, but when I do, it's always a classic dark blue or grey suit, a white or blue shirt, and a tie around my neck.  Simple as pie!  But when I get dressed as Marian, things are very different.

Getting dressed as Marian requires me to make many more decisions.  For example, my choice of bottoms (trousers or skirt like garment) is dependent on the weather outside  If the weather is warm or hot, I'll always be wearing a nice top with a skirt, or a nice dress.  If the weather is cool, I might wear the dress with a pair of tights.  But if the weather is cold, I'll wear a tunic like dress with a pair of warm leggings.  Before I put anything on, I must choose my intimates.  I need to make sure that the bra I'll wear won't be exposed by the top I'll be wearing.  Once everything is on, I finally choose my shoes (or boots).  Again, the weather can be a factor in this choice.  And finally, I choose my jewelry.  What kind of necklace will I wear?  So many decisions to make.  (And I haven't even talked about makeup!)  No wonder why so many women complain of having a full closet, but nothing to wear.

Now, I hate wearing trouser like garments as they force me to be extra careful when tucking.  I like having as flat a front as possible, so that my legacy genitalia do not create a visible bulge.  Dresses and skirts give me much more room for error.  But most cisgender women tend to wear trouser like garments such as jeans these days.  So I've had to treat some dresses as tunic tops (for coverage) and wear leggings (with compression undergarments which give me a flat front) to look more like a cisgender female.

When I went to Hawaii this December, I wore dresses every day.  It felt nice to have a breeze on my legs while on vacation. The one time I went into the hot tub, I wore a swim dress with pockets for my prosthetic breasts. I've never been happy when wearing that swimsuit, as the skirt always floats up with the jets from the hot tub. I wish I had real breasts to fill out the swimsuit cups.  Like many women, I am not happy with how I look in a swimsuit.  But I know that it's because it's a form fitting garment which tends to show off what I haven't got.

On the whole, I know that being transgender means that I have to accept the imperfections in my female appearance.  And I know that getting dressed will always be a pain, as I will always need to adjust my wardrobe to fit a body for which women's clothing isn't designed.

Introducing the "Left Handed Whopper"

 

This is a real ad placed by Burger King to announce a Whopper specially made for left handed people.

Burger King advertised a new creation: the Left-Handed Whopper, a nod to the million-plus diners frequenting the fast-food chain on a regular basis, according to TIME. Burger King explained how the sandwich was identical to the original Whopper except for ingredient placement. Finally, the company was acknowledging the neglected left-handed Americans who sadly struggled with the Whopper-eating experience. No more.

The statement created quite a stir, and some consumers might have taken the news as straightforward. After all, many culinary utensils cater to lefties, including knives, scissors, can openers, and oven mitts, notes The Left Handed Store. On Left-Handers Day in 2019, Longhorn Steakhouse even posted a Facebook video revealing new steak knives in which the serrated edges are flipped to prevent left-handed diners from having to cut with their right hands.

With an estimated 10% of America's population identifying as left-handed, per Healthline, it's smart business to accommodate them when feasible. Burger King customers could now order the Left-Handed Whopper, a left-centric Whopper incarnation in which condiments had been rotated 180 degrees. This evened the playing field for lefty customers previously forced into right-handed eating methods. However, "Ambidextrous consumers will not be affected by changes."

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Happy April Fools Day!

I'm officially an old geezer - a short post

 

Sooner or later, I'll have to deal with getting old.  No, I'm not trying to avoid being seen as a 65 y/o woman.  Instead, I'll have to deal with long term care plans.  Given my age and health, long term care insurance will be very expensive.  But I will need to have some money held in reserve, so that I can be cared for in my final years.

With that being said, how does this T-Girl want to live?  Do I want to take the next step and get facial electrolysis, removing traces of beard as needed?  (I think so.)  But what about the steps after that?  Can I afford electrolysis on other areas of my body? (I'm not sure.) And further along this path (after losing a lot of weight), what about facial feminization surgery (FFS) on the lower part of my face?  I want my face to look as feminine as possible when out as Marian, but be masculine enough when out as Mario.  An androgynous face would be perfect for me - but I have to get to work on losing weight to do this.

I will always have most of the body shape of a male, even if I go on hormones.  But I have to consider RQS's wishes if I want romance - and I sure do.  Unlike most older women, I'm not in the mood to spend the rest of my life alone.  And I'm not about to risk what I have with RQS to have a future without someone to love....

Slowly eliminating clutter from an apartment

 

Over the past year, RQS and I have been clearing out a lot of clutter from my apartment.  It has been like playing a hybrid game of Jenga and Tetris, as I've had to find room for things I want to keep while both adding and purging things from the apartment.

One of the things many M2F transgender people do is to learn what clothes work (or don't work) on their bodies.  They also learn what clothes they should wear for all occasions, and make a lot of mistakes along the way.  But the thing we don't learn easily is how to purge clothes we no longer wear or no longer look good in from our closets, so that we look good and appear appropriate for all occasions in the clothes we have left in our closets.  Lately, I have purged half of my feminine wardrobe with the help of RQS, and donated what I had to charity.  Now, I have room to back fill a small number of missing items into my wardrobe.  And I present a much better appearance to the world, now that I have a better focus on what I can wear.

But this is not the only clutter that I've been sorting through.  The other day, I started sorting through all my kitchen utensils, and found a few that I will either give away or toss in the trash.  This is typical of what I've been doing lately.  I find a place where I've stored way too many things, and sort through them when I find the time and the energy to take care of a certain amount of work in one area of my apartment.  The other day, it was an area of the kitchen.  Before that, it was cleaning out corners of my bedroom. And even before that, was an area near my dining room table.  I've gotten used to taking two steps forward, just to take one step back in this long term project of removing clutter from my abode.

I am hoping that I will rid the apartment of enough of my clutter before some required electrical work must take place.  When it does, I'll have to move furniture (or have it moved for me) so that an electrician can do work in my place.  So I'm working on the clutter now, so that I won't be overwhelmed by it later on....

Seeing friends in person and via zoom.

 

The above picture has nothing much to do with today's theme.  But it has all to do with people supporting each other.  And that is what I'll discuss today.

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I had only two things on my docket (save for postponable things such as laundry).  First was having an early dinner with my friend, AR.  And then, a Zoom meeting with my friends Stephanie and Jen from Texas. But this is not how my day started.

Sometime in the morning, my aunt called me from California.  Since I know that she's suffering from dementia, I also know that the conversation would be short.  In our short chat, I found out that she still remembers who I am, but is not able to make much of a conversation.  All she could do was to say that she's coming to New York soon - something I know isn't true.  The call ended, and I realized that she has the cell phone that my uncle used to call me in Hawaii.  Instead of trying to reach my uncle, I decided to text my brother and see if he has an alternate number for my uncle on which I could reach him.  Unfortunately, my brother didn't call back, due to him being up to his eyeballs in projects.

Next, I decided to clear out many of the kitchen tools I don't use, and empty a gadget drawer.  Although I didn't clean out that much, I made more of a dent in the mess than I would have expected.  By the time I was done, I was ready to get showered and dressed - as Marian.  Since the weather outside was cold, I decided to wear a nice dress and leggings outfit which would be prefect for the day.  

I was out the door by 5 pm, and met AR at the Italian restaurant in town.  Yum!  We had a nice leisurely meal, and I had enough leftovers for a second meal.  (Too bad that I left it in my car - it'll probably be unsafe to eat when I get back to the car.)  AR knows me only as Marian, so I code switched all of my experiences to that of a female, talking about RQS as if she were a he.

Next, it was back home to chat with my friends Stephanie and Jen.  This was our first chat since I was "Out" to them as transgender, and the chat flowed as it usually does.  They are both interested in meeting me and RQS in Chicago, and we have a weekend date to plan for - as soon as RQS's taxes are done.  All too quickly, the chat had to end - we were all tired and talked out.

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Hopefully, my Chicago trip will come off as discussed.  It'll be nice to see these friends in person for a change....

Looking for things to do on the weekend.

 

Garfield.  It's one of my favorite comic strips.  Cat lovers will see many of the typical traits in this cat that they see in their own cats and others' cats.  One of my favorite strips featuring Garfield has no image of the cat in the strip, but his presence is known by a steak being held by his "owner", Jon.  In the 3 frame set, the steak is offered to Garfield, and by the time Jon finishes talking, the steak is gone.  Many of the jokes in this comic are food related, like the strip above.  Yet, Garfield's love of lasagna is only a small part of this well drawn character.  Over the years, we've got to know this cat as well as real cats we've had in our houses.

Unfortunately, one can spend only so much time reading the comics.  First, there are fewer papers carrying comic strips. And then, we have more opportunities to entertain ourselves on weekends.  This is where RQS and I often have problems trying to figure out ways to spend some of our time together.

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RQS subscribes to a service which tells her about free things to do in New York City.  However, most of these things take place on weekdays, are taking place in awkward places to get to from her house, and are not interesting enough for us to spend our time there.  So, we often go into NYC without much of a plan, looking to go for a meal at Katz's delicatessen, the Nom Wah Tea Parlor, or some other of our "go-to" places in Manhattan.  Our problem is that too many people now have the same idea.  The last time we went to Katz's, there was a line that stretched to the end of the block.  The last time we went to the Nom Wah Tea Parlor, the wait was 45 minutes long.  It's getting harder and harder to go to our "go-to" places these days.

You might ask, what do you want to do other than eat?  Well, both of us enjoy theater.  But the off and off-off Broadway scene isn't the same as it used to be before the pandemic. Yet, things are changing for the better, now that the 20 at 20 special is being held this Spring.  Although I am going to be busy much of the 20 days this special is offered, I hope to take advantage of it on one of my free days.  And, if there's something that RQS wants to see, we'll try to see it as well. This time around, I'm going to suggest Drunk Shakespeare, a performance of a Shakespeare play where one of the actors is totally "three sheets to the wind".  In other words, s/he is shitfaced drunk.  It's supposed to be funny, so I'll see what she thinks - if we're in NYC that weekend.

So much time and yet, not enough - a short post.

 

This week, I would normally have enough time to get out and about as Marian.  Even though I'm retired, there are many places I'd like to go, but not enough available time to go to them.  For example, I would have liked to go to the 9/11 museum today (it's free late Monday afternoons these days), but the weather will get in my way.  Other times, conflicting schedules waste a bit of my time.  I'd like to see some of my friends, but I'm rarely free on weekends anymore.

Given that we were expecting bad weather later tonight, I decided to drive RQS back home and then park my car in a visitor's space in the co-op's parking lot.  This way, I wouldn't need to move my car to make room for the plow to pile up snow behind my parking spot.  However, I might be "stealing" a parking spot from someone who may need a spot tonight.  So I will move my car from the spot when the snow ends, and not before.

Will I have enough time to do the ever increasing amount of laundry that I have accumulated?  Yes, but....  The question should be:  Will I use my time most productively?  And for that question, I must answer by saying I'm not sure.

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As I write this, I hear snow plows outside clearing snow from our parking lot. There is not much snow on the ground, but enough to cause trouble.  If I go outside to clear off my car, I will likely do it as Mario, as I don't want to ruin anything in my feminine wardrobe.  It is one of the decisions I have to make as a transgender person.

Being a transgender person who lives in both masculine and feminine worlds, I am always making decisions about how I will present myself to the world. It's not always easy for me, as I may have to switch presentations during the day and arrange my life to do so.  This is often the case when I schedule a doctor's visit as Mario, but then have another appointment that requires my presence as Marian.  Yet, I've managed to keep my life as Mario separate from my life as Marian.  Unfortunately, there is never enough time left for me as Marian.

RQS is aware and understands my need to be my authentic self.  I am very grateful to have her in my life.  Both of us know heartbreak, and are doing our best to build up a solid relationship that will last.  Yet, there are things that scare me at times. But I am not going to let those fears get the better of me.  When one commits to a relationship, one is there in good times and bad.  The potential for bad times will always scare me a little, as no one wants to deal with hard times early in a relationship. Hopefully, luck and good fortune will always be on our side.

 

The search for the missing set of keys

 

Unlike most men, most women carry their essentials (e.g. Wallet, Keys, Tissues, etc.) in a handbag.  When going out as a female, I do what other women do - use a handbag.  I have humorously described a handbag as being like a black hole: It has infinite capacity, and useful things can only be extracted from its "event horizon." Once deep enough into the bag, it's hard to find anything anymore.  This weekend, I learned how deep a handbag could get.

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On Friday, RQS and I decided to spend the afternoon driving out to Paramus, NJ again, so that she could pick up a miniature roasting pan like the one I have, that she could use in her toaster oven. Since this was a day I would be presenting as a female because of a planned stop at Lane Bryant, I got shaved, showered and dressed.  Then out the door we went.  It was a smooth drive until we crossed the river into Rockland county, where we hit the expected traffic jam just West of the bridge. But soon afterwards, it was smooth sailing to Home Goods, and then to Ikea.  After buying the pan, it was off to Lane Bryant where I looked at a few blazers that were slightly too small for me, while RQS looked at a couple of dresses.

Soon, it was a short drive home, where the next day's "fun" was to begin.  On the way home, we stopped off at Trader Joe's to pick up some food and loaded 3 bags into the car.  When we got home, I opened the door, put the keys into my bag, then loaded the refrigerator with what I brought inside.

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Saturday came, and we didn't start getting ready to go outside until early afternoon.  After getting ready to go out to RQS's friend's exhibit at a Yonkers art gallery, I noticed something was missing - my keys!  There was no way I could go anywhere without them.  It was a mad search for keys, and all I could find were Mario's set of keys on my desk.  So I knew to be extra careful with this set while out for the day.

We arrived at the art gallery and chatted with RQS's friend.  I was introduced as Marian, and RQS caught up on old times.  Then it was time to go home.  Once home, we tore apart the place and found nothing.  The keys found a good place to hide from us, and they weren't coming out without a fight. After a 2-3 hour search, we gave up, and I resigned myself to paying a locksmith to cut a new set of keys, and to programming the car key - at a cost of $250 or so.  Ouch!

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The clocks changed, but I couldn't get to sleep until 4 am or so.  Sunday morning arrived, and I only had 4 hours of sleep - for 2 days in a row.  But this time, I had an idea.  My bag has front and back zippers.  The front zipper opens a small section of the bag where a woman can put her lipstick, etc. to be accessed easily.  The back zipper opens a section of the bag (along with a bottom zipper) which can be used to attach the bag to a luggage handle for travel.  I've misplaced my keys in that pseudo-compartment before.  So I'd check this area again when I got up.  Lo and behold, the keys were there.  What a relief.  What a way to start the day!

An unplanned early visit with RQS

 

I chose the above image for no particular reason.  It just fit my mood for the start of the day.  Yet, it fits how I felt on waking up - tired, semi-conscious, dry-eyed, and stumbling to the loo.  It was time to go back to sleep, but I didn't....

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Due to reasons I won't post here, RQS came up from the city a day early. This meant that we could have dinner together and go to game night together.  (RQS usually has a compressed day on Thursdays, as she takes care of things that nourish her soul, as well as things to prepare for her visit the day after.)  So, it was nice to be able to have her up here and share an experience that XGFJ wouldn't share with me because I'd be in Marian mode.

Upon arrival, RQS and I went to the local Mexican restaurant down the hill from us.  Unlike the last time we were there, the place was relatively empty and we had a nice meal with decent service.  Because the place was empty, there was little reflected noise from the hard walls, and we were easily able to hear each other speak, unlike the last time we were there.  (This has been my big complaint about the place, not the restaurant, since it was rebuilt years ago.  The walls reflect and amplify sound, making it hard to hear conversations when the place is crowded.)  As much as I enjoyed the fish tacos I ordered, I wouldn't order them again unless I wanted to make a mess of myself - they were overloaded with filling!

Our next stop was game night, where I got into a game which required a little bit of experience before playing well.  Mistakes I made early on caused me to lose the game.  But I'd play it again later on.  At least, we were able to get RQS into a simpler game afterwards - Qwirkle.  It's a simple game where one tries to match colors or patterns (in rows) for points. (Don't ask me to explain the simple rules of the game at this time of day.)  

All too soon, game night was over, and we had to go home. 

All I did today was bake brownies and launder some clothes - a short post

 

This is the way I felt today.  I was not in the mood to get up and get dressed, much less leave the house. Yet, I ended up doing a couple of loads of laundry and bake a tray of brownies for tomorrow's game night.

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The good and bad thing about doing laundry in my building is that I must go up and down 2 flights of stairs a minimum of 3 times on laundry days.  This means I get a little bit of exercise (very little) each time I take care of this chore.  Yet, it seems to get harder and harder over the years, as I still want to carry two full baskets up and down the stairs, and feel less comfortable (safe?) doing this.  This is one chore I usually do in Mario mode, as I do it on days I don't feel like putting on my make up and going out in the world as Marian.

Once I was done with laundry, I started on the task of baking brownies.  A while back, I found a recipe for 2-ingredient Nutella brownies.  Tonight, I took out my mixing bowl, my hand blender, a baking pan I could put in my toaster oven, Nutella and 8 eggs.  75 minutes later, I had some tasty goodies I'll be bringing to game night/

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One possible bit of good news for me - due to a change of plans, RQS may be joining me for game night tomorrow.  I'd have rather had her enjoy herself throwing some clay and honing her pottery skills. But this change of plans was not one either of us would have chosen.  We've been given some lemons, and we're trying to make some lemonade.

Even though winter is almost over, it still seems very cold.

 

This is a view of Provincetown, MA that I've never seen in person - snow along Commercial Street.  Part of me would love to be there in the winter, when Summer's denizens have long been gone.  Yet, I'm glad I'm not there, as none of the things I love about the town are available without its Summer visitors.

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I've been in P'town during the other 3 seasons of the year, and love the vibe there.  This is when the artist community is in residence, and when one can enjoy the town to its fullest.  Years ago, I went there with my late wife, and stayed at a hotel at the far end of the main drag.  After she died, I stayed in the heart of town with Patty, my ex-girlfriend. And I've been there with other people close to my heart.

The only time I've been there towards the end of the season is when I once attended Fantasia Fair.  Even though I was there for only 3 days, I made some acquaintances I'm still in contact with to this day.

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Over the past few days, it was cold enough for some patches of snow to survive on the ground.  But it felt colder than that because of the wind chill.  If it were warmer, I'd have tried on some new tights from Sheertex to see how they feel.  Unfortunately, I will have to wait for a while - just like the people of P'town will need to wait for the tourists to come back.

Once the weather gets a little warmer, I will be back in dresses and enjoying the world outside.  I look forward to taking a day or two outside of peak season and take RQS there for a short stay.  Maybe she'll understand why I love this area - especially outside of peak season.

Now that I'm part of a couple....

 

RQS and I.  It seems like we're always together these days.  Not bad for a transgender woman who knows her limits.  And I hope that it keeps going as well as it has been so far.  But this post is not directly about RQS.

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Before I met RQS, I was thinking about getting more involved with the church I have sporadically attended. It would have been nice socializing with the other ladies of the church, and gradually perfecting my feminine persona.  But I would have felt a void, as an area for socialization was taken away from me due to the craziness between myself, XGFJ, and FCP.  This is not the place to rehash the past, so I'll skip all of the details.  Now that RQS is in my life, I no longer have the time or inclination to hang out with the FTF meetup group in Connecticut.

Life for me is very different than I envisioned a year ago.  For example, I haven't shared a dinner table on a cruise since meeting RQS.  And sometimes I miss the random element that chooses my dinner companions.  It was nice to meet people and find out new things from people not in my circle of acquaintances.  Even when I met a GOP couple from Louisiana (dining at a shared table) on a trip with FCP, I enjoyed the conversation as a single - until FCP got there and turned a learning experience into a debate.  People change their positions slowly, and a smart person avoids controversy when there is no gain to be had. 

Yes, there are times that I couch my words so that phrases I'd use in the past do not upset RQS.  This is a reasonable thing to do, as we come from very different social groups.  Yet, we are very much alike, and have developed a sense of trust that doesn't usually come as quickly as it has.

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Today, I drove RQS back home, so that she could go to the gym and do her exercises.  Why did I do that when there was a train that could be taken?  Well, RQS bought a large volume (space, not count) of paper goods and needed to get them to her house. So, we put them in the trunk of my car, and proceeded to her house.  In all the confusion when in her neighborhood when we arrived, we were rushing to get her luggage out of my car before the bus came by.  Of course, we forgot the paper goods in my trunk!

Luckily, we can smile at things like this.  To have a person in my life who makes me feel good, that accepts me for who and what I am, and communicates in sync enough with me that we have yet to have a major disagreement is some sort of miracle for which I am thankful.

I just booked another cruise!

 

I saw this itinerary the other day, and said that I have to book it.  The best man at my wedding lives near one of these ports, and I would like to see him one last time.

But first....

Yesterday, RQS and I paid for our next cruise and decided to take this cruise early next year.  Both of us get to see people important to us, and both of us will be spending money that could have gone to a cruise in Marian mode.  This is not as much of an issue as it seems, as RQS is warming up to the idea of spending life with me, more and more in Marian mode.

I wish I could take the above trip in Marian mode.  Without knowing how any of the foreign ports deal with transgender people, I do not want to risk getting off the ship with government issued id that differs from my current gender presentation.  Hopefully, I will be able to rectify this at some future date. Sometime soon, I plan to research how many foreign ports look at transgender people, especially those who are either in the middle of physical transition, or those whose gender presentation disagrees with that on their government issued id.  In my case, I tend to play it safe with my travels, only getting off of a ship when I know my rights are protected by the locality.  When I have any doubts, I stay onboard and stay safe in my bubble until the next port.

Is it right that we should fear to live full lives?  No!  Sadly, we are not able to force others to treat us fairly.  But our money can do so.  Greed is an important motivator for many people.  If they can see profit in treating people with respect, they will do so.  For us to be free, it will be our money that has to do the talking.  In the future, I hope that it will be our money, and the size of our community that will make the difference for us when we travel to places on the route above.

We are under attack!

 

Now that the GOP has lost its war against Homosexuals and "Gay Marriage", they have turned their sights directly onto us, the Transgender Community.  If one looks carefully at the bills that have been passed which ban gender related treatment, we see an underlying hatred for things "Conservatives" don't understand, are fearful of, and want to rid the world of because of that fear.

I see homosexuality and being transgender as part of a greater intersex spectrum, something that happens when one part of a fetus's development (brain and body) does not happen according to typical gender lines. This is different from many people see intersex, as I include the wiring of the brain as part of the definition of intersex.

When people are not able to classify something into something they can understand and manage, their fears go out of control.  Rationality is lost, as primeval instincts kick in.  When people live under constant threat due to their inability to escape poverty, they turn to bombastic populist leaders. When people remember "the good old days" without seeing how bad they were for others, they want simple answers to complicated problems.  We now see all of these issues and more in the people who support the radicals in today's GOP.

We are under attack.  There are a large number of places in this country where I am afraid to travel as Marian because of being transgender.  My rights to be treated with dignity and respect are being taken away by the likes of the governors of Florida and Texas, all for political gain.  The people of their states (and other "Red States" as well) need scapegoats to punish for their misfortune.  Even though I blend in well with cisgender women, I would not feel safe in entering a public washroom in these states.  If I were to enter a place of public accommodation, I could be discriminated against without reason.  And, if I were to deal with law enforcement authorities, I could be treated in a way that puts my life at risk.  Is this right?

There is a culture war going on right now, and large swaths of the population who have retreated into political tribalism. There are large areas of this nation which are one party states.  In the past, even the dominant party in these states could reasonably be expected to be voted out if it didn't do a good enough job for their states.  This is not the case anymore.  People such as Florida's governor are trying to ban the opposition political party for actions many of its leaders took over 160 years ago. This is not democracy in action.  This is an authoritarian government in waiting that is trying to do this.

I'm not sure of what we can do next.  Strangely enough, I would take (the lunatic) Marjorie Taylor Greene's suggestion that we have a Red and Blue State divorce, and run with it a little. I'd suggest something a little bit more dangerous to the Red States: a requirement that the US Federal Government spend no more than 5% more or less in every state than it collects in tax revenue.  Since the Blue States contribute more to the government in tax revenues than they receive, this would be a net benefit to these states.  We could also set a federal minimum level for social spending in every state as a requirement for new federal projects to be placed in the Red States.  This would slow down the "Brain Drain" from Blue to Red states, caused by the poor education standards (as a whole) in those states. 

In my opinion, what we're seeing are the things that happen when there is a great difference in living standards between the rich and poor in a society.  Like the people of Brazil, America's people fell out of love with democracy and elected a bombastic and ineffective leader as it moved to the right, and then moved to the left as a backlash against the right.  Until we can force government to do its job, people at the margins of society are at great risk, as we are the pawns in a larger game of power.  

So what can we do to change things?  As a species, we do not like rapid or radical change. Progress can only come slowly.  In the case of politics, our leaders are in a continual battle to be reelected, so that they can gain power.  Not solving  problems is their best way to have things to rally against, and get votes.  As the parties become more extreme, the more likely one will pick a minority group (Jews, Muslims, Homosexuals, Transgenders, Political Opponents, etc.) as demons to obliterate.  But the question remains: How do we enact simple, long term changes to fix this?  To me, the answer is amazingly simple - term limits for all politicians.  Years ago, a friend told me that death gives meaning to life.  Without death, we'd have no reason to finish anything.  The same goes for elected leadership.  If a leader knows that s/he has only a limited amount of time to achieve anything, they will focus on getting important things done.  By that subtle change alone, there will be no need for scapegoats, as politicians would only be judged by what they supported, and not what they opposed.

Yes, I am proposing a subtle change to nudge the system in a way that benefits us.  This prevents the opposition from labeling this in a derogatory fashion.  And, if we were to "grandfather" all currently serving officeholders from these same term limits, we might get the support needed to make an important change in the system whose effect could be seen in a single generation.

What do you think? 

Co-Op Issues - a short post.

 

I am known to my co-op board of directors as both Mario and Marian.  This is not and will not be an issue for me with the co-op.  But there is something that annoys me quite a bit, and it's related to a personnel issue that we've been dealing with for a while.  Although I can't talk about this issue, I can say that it has caused me to write "nastygrams" which would have made my late wife proud.

My late wife was good at writing complaint letters to businesses.  I can still remember a letter she wrote to our (then) favorite Chinese Restaurant complaining of horrible service given by a waiter who ignored us for the entire meal.  Needless to say, the owner gave us a free meal and made sure that we didn't see that waiter again.

Lately, I have been developing a similar skill when doing my duties for the co-op.  We have a vendor whose performance is sub par, and I have been in contact with the owner to get things resolved to our satisfaction. (This is about all I can say about the issue, as it doesn't mention the vendor or the nature of the issue.)  This has been a good experience for me, as I have learned something about myself at the same time as I've learned things about others.

Hopefully, these issues will be resolved soon.  If not, I will continue with my letter writing and documenting the lack of progress on these issues as needed.

Cruise shopping

This is an example of a cruise I want to take in the next 3 years.  It would give me an opportunity to both see my uncle, as well as being able to see a friend in Florida.  Its drawback is that I would need to travel as Mario for this trip, instead of traveling as Marian.  Unfortunately, the world is not yet safe enough for a transgender person who has not legally transitioned. Even with this headaches, I still like to travel - even if I have to travel as Mario.  

Right now, I am scheduled to take a California coastal cruise this summer, as well as a Bermuda cruise later this fall.  Next year, I am planning to take two cruises: a western Caribbean cruise out of Tampa, and a combined Norwegian Fjord/Iceland cruise out of Southampton.  If possible, I may figure out a way to take another cruise in the fall of next year.

Ideally, I will find a cruise which I can take in Marian mode.  It would be easy for RQS and I to do another Canada run.  But it would likely be a bit of a bore for me, as I've done this route at least 5 times. However, I could get into doing the California coast a few times, as the cruise I'm taking this summer goes to cities I'd like to know more.  And on this cruise, I could go as Marian (on future runs), as I would not be obligated to meet with my uncle in LA.

Doctors - a short post

 

Today was a boring day with only one theme that carried through the day - Doctors.  First, I had to check whether I needed to renew my CPAP prescription before buying a new CPAP machine. Next, I received a call from my internist's office asking me whether I would be able to change my appointment. And then, the daughter of the couple hosting game night was dressed in a plague doctor's uniform.  It seems like doctors in one form or another set the tone for the day.

- - - - - -

Being serious, I hardly thought of medical issues today.  Instead, I rested all day until it was time to prepare for game night.  Since I didn't get out of the house until 5 pm, it made sense for me to go to the local Shoprite to pick up something sweet to bring to game night and something substantial to eat tomorrow night.

I  ended up getting dressed twice tonight, as I wanted to wear something that didn't pinch me on my waist line.  The first pair of leggings I wore were too tight, so I switched into something more comfortable that I could wear while sitting down for a few hours.

When I made it to game night, I saw the host's daughter wearing the above plague doctor costume.  I had to take a picture and send it to a couple of my friends. After that, I chatted with the host for an hour and a half, as there were not enough people attending to start a second game.  It was the longest chat I've had with him for a while, and it was a serious chat about work, family, and other assorted things. Eventually, the first game broke up, and I was able to join in a second game  - which I won.  It was a nice way to end the day.

Trivia Night - A short post

 

With the weather being what it has been of late, I wasn't in the mood to get up, go outside and do things. So, I took my time doing nothing all day until I was ready to get showered and dressed to go to trivia night with a meetup group.

Getting ready to go out normally wouldn't be a problem for me in either gender presentation.  Not knowing today's outside conditions made me think of how I wanted to dress, and whether it would be the way a cisgender female would dress.  And that's where my trouble began.  I wasn't going to wear a dress as a dress.  At most, I'd wear one as a tunic, and wear a pair of leggings underneath.  But I thought of an alternate outfit - a nice top and slacks combination.  So I pulled a nice top out of the closet and reached for what I thought was a pair of trousers.  AARGH!  These were leggings!  I couldn't wear them with the top I planned to wear.  As a result, I went back to my closet for the first tunic dress I could find.  At least, I looked put together, if a little bit drab.

Now that I was ready to go, it was off to Yorktown for trivia.  We had a small group, and we performed respectfully well after 5 rounds.  But we still lost.  And then it was time to go home for the night.  As much as I'd like to get together with the meetup group more often, I enjoy getting together with RQS more often. 

The first snow day in New York

 

We knew that it was going to snow today.  The question was: How Much?  And we found out by noon.  I went out to my car to find 5 inches of the white stuff coating my car, and knew that I had to get it out of the way for the snow plow to do its thing.  In short, the weather dictated my gender presentation for the day, and I don't expect that I'll be going out as Marian until Thursday.

- - - - - -

Once I brushed off my car and went to the deli for lunch, I returned home to find a parking spot that had been plowed out - but with two cars next to me that prevented a side of my spot from being cleared.  This will not be much of a problem for me over the next few days, but could become a problem if we have another snowstorm towards the end of the week.

 

When I got to my apartment, I found the "mystery dress" I ordered from Universal Standard.  The color shipped is a "Rose Clay", something a little too soft for my taste.  (I wish I could have gotten this dress in the color the woman is wearing in the above photo.) Yet, I think I'll get some value out of it this summer, as the fabric feels like one is wearing nothing at all.

Later on, RQS sent me a text.  She will be having her taxes done by Fran.  She (RQS) was getting her pronouns mixed up, as she was responding to Fran's masculine voice.  It'll be interesting to see how Fran measures up to RQS's standards.  Hopefully, I'll have referred her to a good accountant.

For the most part, it was a day to stay inside and do nothing - and that I did....