Seeing RQS's Cousin & Wife

 

This was an interesting day for us, as it was one where I screwed up a little and things worked out better because of it....

- - - - - -

RQS and I were supposed to meet her cousin and his wife at a local eatery.  Normally, one doesn't need a reservation to eat there.  But for Sunday brunch, they advise getting one ahead of time.  Not knowing this, I didn't make the reservation and found out that we'd have to wait an hour before having a chance to eat there.  So, we checked with her cousin and agreed to eat at a local diner.

Going to DD's diner in Ossining in the past revealed a limited menu.  But in a pinch, the diner was always a reliable place for me to eat.  This time, I was impressed, as they returned to their pre-pandemic full menu.  This gave us a chance to have a filling meal, and time to have a leisurely chat.  And chat we did!  We got along as if we have been the closest of friends for years.  I was surprised to find that her cousin noticed my tiny earrings.  But then, he is a doctor, and trained to notice these things.

All too soon, they had to leave for their home (they live 5 hours away), and we had to get back to my place to take care of things.  In a conversation we had afterwards, RQS and I had a feeling that they would be accepting of my Marian side.  Maybe one day, I'll reveal it to them and find out.

Seeing Pat with RQS

 

The weekend came and so did RQS.  We decided to have a quiet weekend together on Friday and Saturday, both days in Marian mode before seeing her cousin and his wife as Mario.  And it was more interesting to me than I would have expected...

- - - - - -

On Friday, I thought I'd reach out to Pat and see if she'd like a couple of visitors this weekend. So we went to Pat's place to visit.  On the way there, we picked up an inexpensive folding chair as a gift, as Pat didn't have enough seating in her place. Once there, Pat and I got into an animated conversation, both of us looking at the world in very different ways.  Let's say that I come to her position from a position of historical advantage, and she came to her position from historical disadvantage - and were still able to be friends after a heated discussion.  If I had her experiences, I might have felt as she does.  But I had my experiences, and see the world from a more optimistic, but pragmatic viewpoint.  (No, I don't want to say much about the conversation, save that I have never been a nurturing person and she has been all of her adult life.)

When we left RQS's place, I found out that my cell phone had dropped out of my handbag and had to return to Pat's place.  Arriving at her place, I met her at the elevator and saw all the people being herded in for dinner.  This cemented what we feel about the "assisted living residence".  It is sucking excess people out of nursing homes, and placing them into a sterile environment where their souls are sucked dry.  Other than the receptionist at the front desk, we could see no one else working at the building.  Meal time is not something that people look forward to there, as the food is bland, institutional, and not nourishing - it meets the barest requirements for food to be fed to the home's residents.  There are no social activities in the place for people to attend, and the residence is totally isolated from the world at large.  Pat feels like a prisoner in the place, and doesn't see any hope for freedom.

Sadly, we're seeing the tip of the iceberg when it comes to warehousing the impoverished aged.  I hope that I won't be spending my final days in a place as sterile and depressing as her place is.

Meow! a short post

 

As I get older, I find that the common cat seems to be getting a larger presence in my life. Yet, I have no felines as pets.  Go figure it out.

When I met my late wife, she came into my life with two cats. Soon afterward, she brought two more cats into the apartment, making a total mess of the place.  (I have floorboards that have to be refinished because of those cats.  But I digress.) When the last of these cats died (my favorite), I never intended to have cats in my life again.

Over the years, I have developed a friendship with TCL, and have been with her for vet appointments for the cats she had before the pandemic.  Now, I'm seeing RQS, a woman who has two cats of her own. One of these cats is an attention hog, and misses his human(s) when away.  (He is making this known by "going to the bathroom" in the bathroom after RQS has prepared a clean litter box.)  The other cat is much more standoffish, and generally has not yet warmed up to me.  (However, this second cat has warmed up to RQS's cat sitter - he feeds her fresh food and is not seen as an interloper.)  Yet, I have developed an affection for these cats, and would have a hard time seeing RQS happy without her cats.

What does this mean?  I guess I'll need to keep my allergy pills handy more often than not.  Or, does it mean that in my old age that I'll become a crazy cat lady?

It feels like summer already, and that won't officially be here for two months.

 

It's April, and I've already have had to turn on my air conditioner twice. As I write this, it hit 90° today, and it will be the same tomorrow. Although this is only anecdotal evidence of global warning, I can't help but believe that global warming is real and taking place right now.

But why do I mention this?

I live in an apartment that gets very warm.  During the winter, I've often have had to open windows to make this place comfortable.  During the summer, the air conditioner is on 24x7.  And it's been this way since I bought this place.  As the nation shifts to greater use of electricity for cooking, heating, and transportation, I see major problems with the transformation to a future with reduced dependency on fossil fuels.

The first problem I see is the generation of enough electricity to meet increased demand.  We have seen the water level behind many dams used for energy generation at risk of being too low to generate clean electricity.  We have seen the decommissioning of nuclear plants that generate clean energy.  (I'm not going to get into the important negatives of this energy source here.)  We have seen communities resisting the development and use of wind power. And we have yet to see wide scale deployment of solar power grids. Where are we going to get the additional energy we need when we have barriers to the generation of clean energy?

Next, we have to deal with our electric grid.  Out west, California's electric company has to deal with obsolete transmission systems that puts the state at risk of major forest fires every year.  (Power lines, transformers, etc. are all above ground where they are at most risk of causing problems.  Yet, it is uneconomical to bury the system underground as it is done in the big city.)  Can any of the smaller grids handle the extra demand for electricity?  I'm very doubtful that we can upgrade these systems within 12 years as many in the "blue states" believe can be done.

Then, we have the problem of upgrading wiring in both commercial and residential properties.  For example, how many homes' fossil fuel heating and cooking systems can be converted to electric powered systems at a reasonable cost?  Who will pay for the transition?  And we haven't even started to talk about transportation related issues. There may be only 30 charging stations within a 15 minute drive of where I live.  But I figure that we have over 500 gas pumps (or more) within the same area.  I can not justify installing 120 individually metered charging stations in my apartment complex to allow overnight charging.  Can I justify buying an electric car if I can't charge it at home?  Not with today's technology.  I can fill up a car with gas in 5 minutes and get a 300 mile driving range.  But, with today's electric cars, I might get 150 miles with a 30 minute charge.  Our politicians are placing a big bet on having all the technologies and systems in place within 12 years to justify a mandated end to the use of fossil fuels.

Years ago, T. Boone Pickens proposed a transition strategy to move the United States from a fossil fuel economy to a green energy economy.  It was not pie in the sty dreaming.  It was a pragmatic strategy developed by an oil man to address the problems related with global warming.  We have not implemented a pragmatic plan.  Instead, we are letting our ideals get in the way of seeing reality.  

I know one thing.  Due to global warming and government policy, I expect that I will see even higher energy bills to keep this apartment livable in both summer and winter.  This may be the one thing that gets me to leave the Hudson Valley for more hospitable climes....

Seeing a friend again - a short post.

I made one friend from the firm I last worked for, and went to lunch with her today.  She knows I am trans, and treats me like a lady - including the discussion of topics of physical matters not usually discussed with males.  So it was a pleasure to get together at the Mexican restaurant down the hill from me. As much as I would like to chat about some of the issues we discussed, I won't, save for one thing - she's been dealing with a lot of headaches lately, and she is exhausted.  (She's lucky that she's at least 10 years younger than I am!)

Rosarito is becoming a go-to place for me when I'm in Marian mode, as the restaurant is quiet during the day.  It is a nice place to get a good Mexican meal at a reasonable price, and one that I'll only go to at off hours.  My friend, I'll call her OSJ, had trouble finding the place because her car's GPS system had her make a left turn at my exit when she should have made a right turn.  Once she used her phone's GPS system, she found the place without trouble. It was like seeing a long lost friend again, and we brought each other up to date on each other's lives.  After lunch, she made sure to let me know that I can call her before our next lunch.  I will take her up on that.

Around 2:30 pm, it was time for us to leave the restaurant, and I decided to drive to Poughkeepsie to see what they had in the local Lane Bryant.  They had a few nice dresses, but nothing worth what they asked for those dresses.  So, I passed on them, and drove home.  On the way back, I stopped by Walmart to buy some slip shorts, and then it was home for the night.
 

All I could muster the energy for today is doing the laundry

 

I didn't have the energy to get up and get dressed today.  The weather was perfect to go outdoors, and I stayed in.  It was a perfect day to wear a dress, and I didn't take the time to do so.  

- - - - - -

As I write this entry, we finally broke 80° outside, and my apartment was starting to get too warm to be in without air conditioning. So, I turned it on for only the second time this season, and gave it some exercise. Realizing that I intended to be busy all day tomorrow, it made sense for me to do a couple of loads of laundry, making it possible for me to wear some of my summer dresses this weekend.

While doing my laundry, I decided to take care of a few things, such as double checking travel arrangements for our upcoming trips, and to buy several things from Amazon.  One of those things was a 60+ y/o book called "The Revolt of Mamie Stover", a fictional work about a Honolulu prostitute who becomes a wartime profiteer. (This is a very simple description of the story.)  Given that another work by this author, "The Americanization of Emily" is wonderfully cynical, I have wanted to read this book for a while, but couldn't find a good print copy.

Once I found what I needed to buy, it was time to see what the Theater Development Fund had to offer on discount.  And I found one play worth seeing - God of Carnage.  Although I had seen this play twice in its initial Broadway run, I figured that it would be a good play to see with RQS.  So, I told her about it, and she was interested in seeing the play when she gets back from her upcoming trip.

Although I didn't do much today, I feel good about not doing much.  Time moves at multiple rates when one is retired.

Getting out and about

 

Now that the sun is going down much later in the day, it has become much easier for me to get out and about.  It is warm enough outside for me to go out in the dresses I love to wear, as well as meet friends I haven't seen in a while. Soon, I will  be saying that I have nothing to wear when I have a closet filled with clothes. 

I'm extremely lucky that RQS accepts the fact that I often dress as a female.  She has said that after years of not being able to be her cisgender feminine self, being with me has catalyzed something in her to be feminine again.  (My words, not hers.)  And this is a very good thing for both of us.

- - - - - -

Tonight, I was able to have a zoom meeting with my two friends from Texas, and it appears that I may have been misreading one of them so far.  I won't go into any details, save that I wasn't sure of what was really happening.  Now, I have a better idea, and it looks like we'll all be having a great time in the short time we have together.

While we're talking about our Chicago trip, I have to mention airline schedules.  My friends will be leaving Chicago on an early morning trip. And that means one of them will be unable to take care of some business while in town.  (I hope that's cryptic enough, save for my friends and their privacy.) If this trip goes well, it would be nice to make this type of trip a regular yearly occurrence. 

Ear Piercing - a short post

 

I finally did it!  This T-Girl finally has pierced ears!

This afternoon, RQS and I went to the local tattoo/piercing shop to get our ears pierced.  I had let her make the appointment for the two of us, as I was a little apprehensive about taking this next step towards my feminine self.  So, we got up early today and made it out the door by noon, arriving at Big Joe's Tattoo & Piercing at 12:30 pm.

The shop was cleaner than RQS expected, and the place felt "just right" for what we were doing.  The piercer first checked to see if RQS's holes were there, and they were.  So, she sold RQS a set of studs that would keep her earlobe holes open until they have stretched enough for RQS to use her own pierced earrings. Then it was my turn.  After sterilizing my loves, she marked out spots on each lobe and then took out a piercing tool. As quickly as the tool was taken out of its wrapper, the piercing was done and I had tiny studs in my ears. 

I'll be doing aftercare for 2-3 months, and then I'll be able to wear my own earrings.  Yay!  I'll be able to wear my own pierced earrings when RQS and I meet Stephanie in Chicago.

Seeing the movie, "Paint"

 

Paint.  It's a wonderful little comedy starring Owen Wilson.  Other than a deliberate passing similarity in appearance to the late PBS host, Bob Ross, Wilson plays a unique and sympathetic character.  And it is a film well worth seeing before it makes it to cable TV.

But first....

Last night, RQS and I went to see this movie.  I wasn't sure of what to expect, save that Wilson went out to mimic the soft spoken feel of Bob Ross's programs.  Could this film be a parody of Bob Ross?  Maybe.  I was prepared for anything from a cynical, biting comedy to a love story told with humor. If this story tells of the growth of an apparent one-dimensional character to a person of depth.  Yes, it is, in part, a love story.  But not in the way one might think.

Sadly, if I say too much about this film, I will spoil it for those who haven't seen it.  But I will say that the protagonist's van is called "Vantastic", the same tagline that one of my favorite cruise bloggers uses. I can say, there is one joke that requires that the viewer wait to the end of the film to enjoy and it involves a modern artist known the world over.

Sometimes, it's better to stay home - a short post

 

Since RQS was getting together for dinner with an old friend tonight, I had a choice to make.  Do I go into NYC and attend one of the last 20 at 20 off-Broadway specials ?  Or, do I stay home, go shopping, and have a quiet night by myself?  Well, I'm glad I chose the latter....

I didn't get moving until 5 pm.  And I ended up making the choice to go for dinner at a local diner, then going to Wegmans to go grocery shopping. This was a stroke of fortune, as I had major GI tract issues after I finished loading my car and needed access to a rest room.  I could also say that I was glad to be in Marian mode, as it gave me more options after cleaning myself up.  

More often than not, wearing women's clothing can be much more inconvenient than wearing men's clothing.  Yet, I prefer doing this, as I feel that I can be my authentic self this way.  (Now, if only I had more physical attributes of a cisgender female.  I'd love to have a nice pair of breasts to put into my bras. Yet, that's a future stop on my path towards femininity.)  In the future, I will be making hard decisions, with input from my partner - how far do I really want to go, and will it be worth doing with the sacrifices being made?  Hopefully, the trade-offs will be small in relation to the gains I make.

Game Night - Not much to say tonight

 

It's the first Thursday of the month, and it was time to play games again.  For me, it's not whether I win or lose the game, or even play the game itself, it's being with people who accept me as Marian.

- - - - - -

Today was a day that I spent doing nothing, save cook some ribs. Knowing that the ribs had to be cooked today, I made sure to start cooking them right after I made breakfast for myself.  It was nice to have some home cooking for a change, even if I cooked my meal itself. Later on, the ribs were done.  And they weren't as good as the ribs I cooked last week. Next time, I'll place them on a rack, so that the fat doesn't keep my glaze from sticking to the ribs.

Around 5:30, I decided to get ready for game night. I decided to get into the dress I got in the Mystery Box, as it was warm enough to wear a short sleeved dress. And then, I went to game night - late.  Unlike most game nights, I didn't have the chance to get into a game.  Instead, I was gabbing with people who just finished their game.  

As I said, not much to say tonight....

I've been hemming and hawing about getting my ears pierced - until now.

 

I've had a set of pierced earrings for ages, but have never used them because my ears weren't pierced.  I've hemmed and hawed about getting this done, and I'm about to finally bite the bullet and get this done. 

Some of my worries about this were related to how noticeable the tiny studs would be while the ear healed.  I didn't want either my doctor or my brother to notice the piercings at this time.  Once the piercing has healed, I could cover the hole with a dab of makeup and clean it up when I got home. Now, I'm more secure in myself, and I want to proceed on my next step to femininity.

Although RQS had her ears pierced once, the holes have closed and it is time to do it again.  Given that I've read that piercing shops do a better job than mall operators with piercing guns, I'm  planning on making an appointment with RQS to get our ears pierced at the same time.  Once done, we will be following a regimen of tasks to keep the piercings clean while they heal.

Am I nervous?  Yes.  But it could be much worse....

RQS is warming up to a cruise with me dressed to the nines

 

The other day, RQS was going through her closet to find clothing that might be appropriate to wear on a cruise's formal nights.  She found a glittery red jacket that she could wear with a black dress.  And then she found an outfit similar to that I am wearing in the above photo. I joked that we both should wear these outfits on an upcoming cruise (not one we have already booked), and she didn't run away from me.  Instead, she found the idea quite interesting.

To be serious, I do not wish to plan a cruise with RQS, just so that we can be together with me presenting as Marian.  But I do want to go on cruises with me as Marian, and have RQS come along with me.  There is a difference.  In the first case, the cruise is used as a venue to dress up.  In the second case, we're going on the cruise anyway, so why not dress up?  I have a couple of ideas for cruises where it makes sense for me to be presenting myself as Marian.  And one of them would be much more fun with me in Marian mode, as I look much better in formal women's wear than in formal men's wear. (And no, I do not intend to show a picture of me as Mario right now.)  But if I'm going to do that trip, I will need to lose another 50 lbs. before doing so - I want to look pretty in those pictures.

Right now, RQS and I are finalizing plans to take a trip to the Windy City in the fall.  Knowing where we stand with our finances is the key to taking this trip.  For taking our cruises, it will be an even greater expense to plan for, as each cruise will likely set us back over $2,000pp, with one of them being in the $6,000+pp range if we can afford it.  So traveling as Marian takes a back seat to getting the most value out of each trip - as I want RQS to enjoy the trip as much as I do.

I may never stay at the Tropicana in Atlantic City again.

 

When XGFJ and I were dating, we went to Atlantic City several times and stayed at the Tropicana. In the past, I'd think this place gave good value for prices charged - even with the nonsense "resort fee" tacked on to the bill.  Today, I have the exact opposite opinion, in part, because the hotel part of the complex is not user friendly.

- - - - - -

On Sunday, RQS and I decided to spend an overnight in Atlantic City, so that we could visit sites important to her and her late husband.  As usual, I did the driving, and it took us roughly 4 hours to make it from Northern Westchester to Atlantic City. And that's where our problems began....

Arriving in AC, we didn't know where the self-park lot was for the hotel (they have two).  Signage pointed to one, while we should have been directed to the other lot.  (That was forgivable, but is another issue.)  So we parked in the self-park lot that I was familiar with, and proceeded to the check-in area for the hotel. That's where our first frustration occurred.  Instead of having a human at a check-in desk, they only had machines.  It took a while for us to figure things out, but we got our room keys with some printed documentation.

At this point, we knew we had to go to the Chelsea Tower, but there was no signage from where we were to find our way there.  We asked one person, and he only pointed us in a direction, as he was not fluent in the English language.  So I ended up asking people at the next store how to get there, and they gave me the information needed.  AARGH! Upper management has made the hotel a human unfriendly experience, and it started to leave a disgusting taste in our mouths.  We did find our room, and then RQS went to the beach for the sunset.

Not everything was bad with the Tropicana, it was just second rate at best.  For example, the grill surrounding the HVAC equipment was not secured correctly.  But the AC unit did cool off the room to a desired temperature.  We had an ice bucket for the room, but the ice machine was on the floor below us.  We had a refrigerator in the room, but it was not working.  Although the bed was comfortable, the mattress and bed spring slid around on the bed platform when I was getting dressed.  No good thing was good in its own right, save maybe the restaurant we ate at.  The Chinese restaurant in the Quarter was very good, and we'd both go there again.

The next morning, we had our next set of problems at the hotel.  We had no information on how and where to check out.  We saw no check-in/check-out kiosks.  We saw no hotel lobby.  We saw no information posted anywhere on how to check out.  So RQS called the hotel staff for information, and they said to go to the main lobby.  But where was that?  No humans were in any of the expected places, nor was there adequate signage to direct us to that lobby.  The person at the other end of the line spoke in heavily accented English, and had a hard time understanding RQS's simple request.  By this time we were totally frustrated, and we went to the same check-in/check-out kiosks to check out - and couldn't complete the check-out process.  At this point, we were totally frustrated, and decided to leave and let things sort themselves out.  In the elevator, we met another couple who had the same problem we did. So we knew this was not a problem limited to us.

Later on, when we were in Ocean Grove, RQS checked her email - and they were billing her for 2 days' lodging.  RQS was upset enough that we agreed to try to get this fixed at my place, when we've had a chance to rest. And we took care of RQS's business in Ocean Grove before meandering back home. Yet, this was not the end of the story.  RQS called the hotel, and they referred her to the billing department, knowing it was closed for the day.  AARGH!  If RQS were prone to hair pulling, she'd have less hair than I do as a male. So, she let it all out in an inquiry form on the Tropicana's site, and I hope she'll get this fixed.  Otherwise, she'll deal with her bank regarding the incorrect charge.

 

PS: The hotel contacted RQS a day later and fixed the problem.  Although the problem was resolved, it still left a bad taste in our mouths due to the aggravation we dealt with that day.

I miss my former boss - a short post

 

Here is the face of a good man who meant a lot to people outside his family.  His life was cut short by a drunken hit-and-run driver,  But you may wonder, why am I making note of him here?

Well, this good man was a voice of calm in a sea of confusion.  When I first met him, the bank I worked for went through a nasty hostile takeover battle, and he was one of the people who had to earn the trust of the new people he supervised.  Over the years he worked for the bank, he did just that and was respected by all that knew him.

What most people didn't see is that he was quietly able to preserve (for a while) the careers of several people who worked for him when the next corporate merger occurred.  He made sure that the people taking over our area knew the value of a handful of key employees (myself included) that were needed to keep the technology infrastructure running.  He could have survived as well, but he didn't want to relocate himself again, this time to a city he hated.

Since that time, we stayed in contact over the years, and we met for lunch on the day that I was laid off from the bank.  (That was a weird coincidence!) We'd get together at the Cheesecake Factory in West Nyack, a place which was equidistant from our houses. And when Covid hit, we'd meet via Zoom.  Who knew that when I tried to set up the next Zoom meeting, I'd find out of his passing?

I was lucky to meet this man's family sitting Shiva.  I only wish I could have met them while he was alive. I told the family about things I knew about him, and they shard things they knew about me and the office. And all too soon, we had to part ways.

As much as I am not much of a believer in the afterlife, I do believe that if there is one, he will be a good place.  At least, I hope so....

They're coming to take us away, oh no!

 

While semi-conscious this morning, I stumbled into a news article that disturbed me.  It concerned a Texas library removing LGBT books from the shelves, and a Federal judge ordering their replacement.  As much as I want to be surprised to see these things happen, I am not.  The radical right has decided to stop going after the whole of the LGBT community and start to pick on a segment of the community that has a hard time being in stealth mode - us transgenders.

One of the first things that authoritarian wannabe groups try to do is to censor historical information. By purging information from the historical record that conflicts with the group's agenda, they can isolate those who do not share the goals of the group.  In America, we do not see many book burnings. Yet, we do see attempts to keep politically incorrect books out of libraries. 

But how does this happen?

The American Library Association (ALA) says that the following criteria are used:

• Present and potential relevance to community needs.
• Suitability of physical form for library use.
• Suitability of subject and style for intended audience.

But who chooses relevance to community needs and suitability of subject?  If one lives in a metropolitan environment, one is likely to find a diverse set of reading materials,  In my library, I might be able to find books chronicling the history of the LGBT community, with Mein Kampf in another aisle. Yet, this diversity may not be found in a small community library in Kansas for many reasons, one of which might be censorship.

I find it hard to excuse censorship for any reason.  Yet, I can see why it may be needed in limited circumstances, such as when a country is at war.  But how does one root out falsehoods and destroy them?  We suffered for 4 years with president Trump, with human garbage such as Kelly Anne Conway spouting out bullshit like "alternative facts".  No, things are either objective facts, or they are falsehoods.  There is no in-between on this matter.  Authoritarians use lies to control people.  They use fear to control people.  And they use hate to control people.

Years ago, Martin Niemöller, a Lutheran pastor who was a political prisoner for 8 years said:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

America is in danger of making the same mistakes that were made in Germany 90 years ago.  I hope we can check these authoritarian wannabes before it's too late.

 

Traditional Tax Day

 

Lately, I've been writing posts that are published 2 weeks later. These posts reflect the "present tense" at the time I write them, and not when they are available to my readers. I figure that when I get to travel, I won't be doing any writing during each trip, and will be playing catch-up when I get back.  This post is an exception to my usual way of doing things, as it is meant to be read on "Tax Day", and be current for that date.

One of the problems with our tax system is that it's hard to determine how much tax to withhold when one has multiple income sources.  Last year, I had income from a job, income from a pension, income from rental property, and income from other investments.  When I was working, I tried to over-withhold money from my paychecks to compensate for under-withholding from my other income sources.  What is most frustrating is that I need to spend several hundred dollars each year just to fill out forms the government needs to validate that I have paid enough in taxes each year.  This doesn't make much sense.  We need a tax system that is efficient, fair, and generates a maximum of revenue for government to use.

I'm not going to get into a long-winded discussion of the tax system, its flaws, and the trade-offs needed to create a better system.  No system could please everyone, and we have too much invested in our terrible system to take the social risk of making changes. 

So, why am I talking about taxes here?  This blog is a journal about my life as a transgender person living in the New York area.  The answer is simple.  Many things that transgender people deal with are just as mundane as the things that cisgender people deal with.  We just have a few more complications in our lives that get in the way of living those lives.

The other day, I recommended that RQS see a transgender accountant that I know.  She has just received her tax paperwork to sign, and is happy with the work that was done for her.  Yes, RQS still misgenders this accountant when talking with me, as all she has heard is the accountant's male voice - and that keeps triggering the use of the incorrect pronoun. I'm not going to hold it against RQS, as I've done the same thing when talking with another transgender acquaintance of mine.  And even my best friends have done it with me.  It is the price we pay, a tax on our souls you may call it, to be able to be out there as our authentic selves.  We may be free, but we must pay the price for that freedom in many ways.

I don't quibble about the overall amount of taxes I pay, as I've seen how much good government can do with that money. And I don't quibble when my friends and acquaintances misgender me by accident, as they will always be getting used to getting pronouns straight for people they first knew as part of the opposite gender....

I saw a busker I haven't seen in years

 

The Saw Lady.  Since I've stopped working in Lower Manhattan, I haven't seen her perform.  Given that she responded to me in my old blog, I figured that looking for her in one of the subway stations I'd be going through today made sense - and I spotted her at Union Square.  We chatted for a minute before I had to leave.

But first....

When I woke up today, I wasn't sure of what I was going to do.  Should I go to the Universal Standard sample sale, or should I go to my former boss's burial.  Well, luck made the decision for me.  I looked at my calendar and noticed that I had forgotten about lunch with a former coworker from the census.  So, I shaved, showered, and applied my makeup - and got dressed as a female.  This would be the last time I could go out as a female, so I made the most of it.

First, I met my friend at the restaurant down the hill, and has a nice Mexican lunch.  Our time together was too short, and yet just right.  After an hour or so, I had to run to the local train station to go into NYC. And then, I had an uneventful ride into Grand Central before getting onto the subway going downtown.

At Union Square, I changed trains, and walked from the IRT to the BMT side of the station.  And there, I saw the Saw Lady.  It was nice seeing her again, but I don't think she remembered writing to me on my old blog.  I didn't say much about that, but I did get memories of my commute to the Trade Center area. Since I had to make it to Universal Standard, I bid her a quick farewell - and off I went to the Sample Sale.

While at the sample sale, I found the above Merino Wool sweater in a pale sky blue shade, and picked it up for only $35.  The sweater feels so light, it's almost like wearing nothing at all - and yet, it's doing it's job. But the most interesting aspects about this trip were two things: a chat I had with a lady regarding women treating the sales floor like a private changing room, and the smart idea one woman had to wear a unitard, so that she could change in and out of everything and still keep her modesty.  The lady I chatted with said that she was uncomfortable in some environments like this, as she once was at a sale where one woman stripped down to her panties (no bra) and changed into some garments.  She didn't mind seeing other women in bra and panties getting into clothes.  But the experience of seeing a woman wearing only a thong made her uncomfortable. Regarding the second lady, she mentioned that this would be as close to being naked as possible, and yet be clothed.  So she could try on everything and not bother people with an excess state of undress.  I might do this for the next sample sale.

I ended up returning home just before rush hour.  Normally, before Covid, I wouldn't have gotten a seat.  Today, I had no problems doing so.  I'm glad that I don't do this anymore on a regular basis. 

I was hemming and hawing about which day to take care of things

 

By the time you read this, I will have already made my decision on alternatives to choose from, and taken care of my responsibilities.

Let me explain....

My ex-boss was killed due to a drunk driver doing a hit-and-run over the weekend, leaving him with injuries that caused his death the day afterwards.  I just received information on when he is being buried, as well as the 3 days the family is sitting Shiva. (Traditionally, Jews sit Shiva for 7 days, but many non-traditional people reduce the duration of this practice.)  And here is where my conflict arises.

I just received an email regarding a second sample sale that Universal Standard is having this weekend. If I were to go to the sample sale on Thursday, I'd have to visit the family on Sunday.  If I were to go to the burial, I wouldn't be able to go to the sample sale, as plans for Friday, Saturday and Sunday preclude a sample sale visit.  The way I am leaning right now, I'll go to the sample sale tomorrow and hope that I can find either of the cashmere or merino wool sweaters I want (at a great discount), and get back home before rush hour.  If I can do this, I'll have the option of visiting the family before the end of the day on Thursday.  If I can't get back before rush hour, I'd still be able to visit on Sunday - on our way to the Jersey shore.  

You might be asking about my plans for Friday and Saturday.  Well, this is RQS's birthday weekend, and I want to make sure that our original and paid for plans aren't interrupted by unplanned for events. RQS knows about my minor dilemma, and will support me no matter what I do.

I am more excited about a trip we're taking in the fall, than one in the summer.

The "Electric Kidney Bean", it's a beautiful piece of art in Chicago's Millennium Park.  And I'll be seeing it in person again this fall. I am looking forward to this trip much more than I am looking forward to my upcoming California cruise.  

And, why so?

Unlike my upcoming visit to California, my visit to Chicago will be done as my authentic self.  I'll be traveling as Marian for the trip, RQS will be accompanying me, and we'll be seeing my two friends from Texas.  After as many visits to California as I have done, a short stop in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and San Diego isn't all that exciting.  However, I've only been able to stay in Chicago twice for more than a day or so.  There is a lot that is still new to me there, and I want to see it all.

- - - - - -

RQS is looking forward to visiting Chicago, as she's catching up on the life she envisioned herself living when she was younger.  (No, I will not go into her unfulfilled early adult wishes here.  But I will say, that like my life, her life turned out much differently than she planned.)  It'll be nice showing her around the Windy City, as well as feasting on local specialties such as Deep Dish Pizza.  We'll have fun going to the Art Institute together, as well as being with friends with whom I grew close via Zoom chats.

The big question is: What does everyone else want to do?

I am a museum rat.  If the museum is large enough, or unique enough, you will find me wanting to go there.  In Philadelphia, I'd want to go to the Mutter Museum.  In New York, I'd look up the Museum of Finance.  In DC, I'd look to visit the International Spy Museum.  But what will we want to see in Chicago?  To answer that question, I'd build a list of places and things I want to see:

1. The Willis (formerly Sears) tower glass platforms.
   Assuming that I am wearing a dress that day, it will be the most unusual "up skirt" view possible, as I'll be standing on a clear platforming overlooking the sidewalk plaza below.
   
2. The International Museum of Surgical Science.
   This is Chicago's answer to Philadelphia's Mutter Museum.  I'm a person who likes odd things, and this would be an appropriately odd place to visit.
3. Wooden Block Alley.
   This is one of the last places in Chicago paved with wooden blocks.  Just like New York's cobblestone streets, Chicago's wood paved streets are almost all gone.  And it would be nice to see this historical relic.
4. Remnants of the World's Colombian Exhibition of 1893.
   The Japanese Garden is one of the few things that are left from this exhibition that took place 130 years ago.  Given that I love the Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park, this place is on my list of gardens to visit.
5. The Money Museum. (Not open to public since March 15, 2020)
   Chicago's Federal Reserve Bank has a museum of money that people can visit.  Ask yourself, when was the last time one could stand in the shadow of $1,000,000, and you'll know why this place is worth the visit.
6. The Billy Goat Tavern.
   The owner of the original Billy Goat Tavern cursed the Cubs to never win another world series.  And this was an effective curse, as it took the Cubs over 100 years to break the curse several years ago.  More recently, it was the inspiration for the Olympia Cafe skit on Saturday Night Live.  What better place to get a Cheeseburger with Chips and Pepsi than the place that started it all?
7. The Chicago Crime Tour.
   What visit to Chicago could be complete without visiting places that (Big) Al Capone made famous?
8. Chicago Pedway Tour.
   Chicago has a great underground system of walking paths which connect many of its downtown office buildings  Not all of the underground sections are connected to each other.  But enough of them are to make a tour worth taking.
9. Frank Lloyd Wright home and studio tour.
   I've taken this tour before.  But it is classic architecture that is timeless.  There are other Wright buildings in Oak Park that are worth seeing, and I hope to see more than this one while in Chicago.

I could go on and on, but I decided to leave off places significantly south of the loop for simplicity and safety.  This is not a city that I am not yet familiar with, and I heed the warning of Jim Croce when he sings that the South Side of Chicago is the Baddest Part of Town.  Why venture too far to the south, unless the White Sox are playing that day?

As you can see, this is a sample list that's going to be edited with the help of the women who will be with me.  It'll be new for all of us, and that's why I'm excited about this trip most of all!