Bills, Bills, and More Bills

 

This is a month where I'm doing serious damage to my credit cards.  I've planned for this "disaster" for months, and now the piper wants his due.

Today, I paid for the tires installed on my car this past weekend.  Shortly, I will be placing the charge for the Hawaii cruise I've been writing about for a while.  Am I nervous about spending this money?  Yes.  If I weren't nervous, I wouldn't have the money available for me to spend.  Too many people have said, "Marian, you've got the money - spend it!"  It's because I don't spend it with reckless abandon, that I still have money to spend.

I am looking forward to my Hawaii cruise.  It will be a little over 10 straight days spent in Marian mode.  Getting on a plane makes me nervous.  No, it's not because I'm afraid of flying.  Instead, it's because I fear the headaches of going through security and having something trigger a more thorough security scan.  It could be the metal in my underwire bra.  It could be that I forgot to pack something in my checked luggage that is in my carry on bag.  Who knows?  I'll have to contact Kim and get some advice.  

There are a lot of small bills that come in through the month, and I haven't seen the first of my Medicare Part-D bills yet. Nothing shows up on Mint or my Bank Statement.  So I wonder what's up.  That'll be a call for tomorrow....

Ambivalence

I've talked about my ambivalence in regard to leaving my job.  RQS had to face a similar problem before she retired, and then dealt with it more quickly than I have so far.

One of the most salient points RQS made is that I need to be stimulated at work.  This job is putting me to sleep.  The big question is what I will do when I leave the work force for good.  I want to travel, but that takes money.  Until I figure out how to make travel pay my bills, I can only travel so much.  Yet, I can see myself producing a Vlog on surface transit (land and sea), documenting trips that are well worth taking.  There is a lot of competition in this area, and I have my doubts that I'd have enough interesting things to say to publish on a regular schedule.

Ideally, I'd know enough about LGBT travel to document my travels in female presentation.  Of course, there will be a lot of places that I will not be able to travel as Marian.  So I'd have to do my research beforehand, so that others could benefit from my work.

So much to think about....

Good days end with lobster

 

 

Last night, I sent a long delayed response to someone who was expecting an almost immediate response from me. There was one big reason I didn't immediately respond - I needed to figure out what I want to say, as the elephant in this person's room was not an elephant in my room.  (Sorry to keep the details secret.  I just don't want to alienate this person in case she reads my blog.)

This person probably did not want me to feel hurt, when she revealed this something.  But I had long since let go of that part of our past.  So, I had to delay my response.  Since there was another person involved, I had to make sure that any comments about this other person were on spot and well deserved.  I don't know how many more conversations I'll have with the first person, but both of us will be talking about our present lives, and not our past lives.

- - - - - -

Now back to me....

You may have noticed me writing about a favorite food truck (Cousins Maine Lobster) that circulates all over NYC and its nearby NYS suburbs.  Today, the truck was within 5 minutes of my house, so I planned to drive there after work.  My first stop was to drop off two bags to the thrift shop.  Instead of getting an electronic receipt, as I did in the past, I received a card which I could fill in myself.  This is not as good as I'd like, as I could print my copy on standard letter paper.  However, it does allow me to enter whatever quantity of donation bags I want.  So, everything balances out in the end.  

And then it was off for some lobster.  Given that the truck was positioned on the site of a church's fair,  the parking was horrendous.  However, getting my lobster was quicker than usual, as they had lots of food ready for quick sale.  From the time I parked my car to the time I returned to it, 10 minutes had expired, and I had a 10 minute drive to get home.  You can guess what was the first thing I did after stripping off my dress and taking off my bra.  Luckily, I had nothing else to do this evening.....

Closing out a weekend

It's amazing how comfortable RQS and I have become dealing with the minor headaches of everyday life. But more on this in a minute....

On Friday, I picked RQS up at the station, and we enjoyed dinner at a local "go-to" restaurant that Vicki and I enjoy when we are in the mood for sushi.  It's nice to know that she is accepting of me as Marian, but wants to make sure that she doesn't slip up when I'm in one presentation, but needs to talk about something that happened in the other presentation.  It takes time to keep things straight, and I told her that some of my closets friends still make that mistake now and then.

After we got home, I changed into Mario mode for the rest of the weekend.  Saturday would be spent at her friend's birthday party, and Sunday would be spent at Mavis getting new tires installed on my car.  We knew it would be busy from the minute she arrived, but we had a lot of fun in between the little things that needed to be addressed.

I'm hoping that we can travel together, both with me as Mario and as Marian.  Of course, I joked that if we visited Provincetown, MA, it would be appropriate if I went as Marian, as that town is comfortable with same sex couples showing public displays of affection....   Who knows?

Elvis still is the King

Elvis Presley.  What can I say about him that hasn't been better said by others?

The other day, RQS and I went to see the new film about Elvis, where Tom Hanks plays Col.Tom Parker.  Both of us loved the movie, and were surprised when we found the audience behind us clapping at the screen.  Seems like the majority of us in the theater enjoyed the film.

Before I run on ad nauseam, I must say that I wasn't expecting Oscar quality performances from Austin Butler and Tom Hanks.  Both actors were perfectly cast for their roles. But I hope that Tom Hanks goes back to playing a "good guy" in his next film.  I'd hate to see him have to make the kind of decisions Fred MacMurray had to make after his performances in Double Indemnity and in The Caine Mutiny.  Both Hanks and MacMurray are actors who could play dark characters well, but whose audiences expect them to play good guys in their roles.  

Go into this movie with an open mind, and you will have a good time.  As in real life, Elvis and Col. Parker are very flawed people, and this movie focuses on those flaws.  The music is good, and I'm hoping to see a soundtrack come out soon....

I've decided to hold off on buying a car for now.

 

As much as I want a new car, I don't want to over pay for it.  Even though there is a shortage of cars, there is no excuse to charge $3000 over MSRP on an entry level car.  Dealers may get the sale now, but will not get the next sale after the supply chain returns to a new normal.

Over the past few weeks, I've visited dealerships and have been told that they will not make deals without charging extra for the car.  If a dealership indicates that it has wiggle room in making a deal, it's not enough room to get me to bite.  If a dealership claims to be willing to sell a car at MSRP, I've found that the dealership will throw on a BS line item to get that extra profit.  Finally, due to a lack of inventory, dealerships will sell used cars for the price of a new car.

Things will return to normal.  How soon, no one knows.  But if one can afford to wait for a new car, it pays to do so.  There are mixed opinions on whether a healthy normal will return, due to a long term shortage of computer chips.  But I feel that the industry will figure out a way to build new supply chains to maximize potential sales.  And if I'm right, things should start to ease up in the next few months.  This is worth waiting for....

Game Night - a quick post

 

By the time I got home today, I felt how this fellow looked - a bit worn out.  The last thing I wanted to do was to freshen my makeup and drive to Yonkers for game night.  But, given the reduced frequency of game nights, I felt I had to go - and out the door I went.

While at game night, one of the ladies noted that she needs to get away on a vacation.  I noted how cheap cruising is right now, and I showed her the Vacations To Go web site with some of the cruises I'm considering taking in the fall.  She will likely book one of these trips and try to strong arm her husband into a small amount of traveling. (He hates travel, and she loves it.  This would have been a deal breaker had she known this before getting married.)

I'm still dealing with sleep deprivation, so I'll write more soon....

Boy, did I need a day off to do nothing.

 

 

It was a great relief not having to go to work and spend 8 hours at a mostly mindless task.  The reason why my job exists is that machines do not yet have enough pattern recognition ability to locate specific information in an almost randomly formatted document, nor do they have the ability to figure out what data has been captured incorrectly in an automated OCR scan of the page.

For example, take the business information below:

Dewey, Cheatem and Howe, Esqs, LLP
101 Vesey Street, Suite 10L
New York, NY 10007

Often, a person's signature may obscure some of the text.  So we have to figure out what text is underneath the signature.  Sometimes, letters are mixed up with numbers and vice versa.  Suite 10L might be scanned as LOL, 101 or 1OL.  We have to fix that error as well.  And then, some of the information we need to enter into a database is not found on the main page, but on a second page.  A lot of micro decisions are made throughout the day, and I am exhausted by day's end.

When one does work like this on a daily basis for months at a time, one's mind gets a little fried.  I do not have the energy to read books anymore.  Instead, I surf the web for short articles worthy of a skim.  Lately, I'm watching YouTube videos for information related to cruising, car purchasing, and other information I find of interest. (I'm lucky to be able to filter out the people who don't know what they talk about, leaving only decent sources of information in the areas I've just mentioned.)

Soon, I plan to leave this job.  It's a little scary to shift into a new phase of life.  But it will be rewarding.

- - - - - -

On a side note, my company asked me to supply a picture for a new ID card.  This picture was emailed overnight.  I'm very glad that they didn't ask me for a copy of my driver's license!

Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning....

 

Yesterday, I went into work when I should have stayed home, only because it was a beginning of a work week after a 3 day weekend.  A last of sleep the night before made it impossible for me to function at 50% on the job, and it was a miracle that I got anything done. Right now, I'm glad that it is not bright and sunny outside, as I just called in sick to the office so that I can recharge my batteries.

I have found that the occasional day that I can get up late helps a great deal.  Our American style of work is not a healthy one.  We treat workers as if they are disposable parts of a machine, and most have no idea that they would be treated better if they lived in many other developed countries.  I consider myself lucky that I can afford to retire, and that I don't need this job for the money it provides me.  (Money does help, as I haven't needed to drain savings lately.)  

Soon, I will retire for good.  I am worn out as a worker, and I plan to leave things for the younger folk to take care of.  It is the normal course of life.  Yet, I am envious of the people who have more years ahead of them than years behind them.  There are so many things I'd do differently now in my career that I didn't do way back when.  And now, I look forward to the next stage of life....

A short post: I just bought a new Chromebook - there is much to learn for a low entry price.

 

I've been looking for a cheap Chromebook to play with.  My intentions are to use this device when I travel, so that I can see what is happening in the world - as long as I have a WiFi connection.  I was able to get this device for $100, but one gets what one pays for. (And I have no complaints about it.)

Getting used to this device will take some time.  For example, there is the issue of downloading Android apps - I can't seem to get this to work yet.  I also haven't figured out how to create shortcuts to certain features, and leave the links on the dashboard.  And, I have yet to create documents and save them locally. There is much that I have to learn, but it is not as intuitive to me as Windows is.  But I have been using Windows for years, and changes to the interface come slow enough to be easy to learn.  So if anyone has a good site I can use for an introduction to this device, I'd appreciate it if someone would post it in the comment area....

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink....

 

 

Today's entry is going to be short.  It was the first day back to work after a long weekend, and it was the first day back to work after an almost sleepless night.  AARGH!

- - - - - -

It took me a while, but I decided NOT to buy the used car.  It was a great buy, but I wasn't in love with the car.  More importantly, as much as I loved the features the car had, it had 25k more miles on its odometer than I would have liked to see on it.  So my plan for this coming weekend now is to spend time at Mavis getting new tires and a brake job on the car. 

RQS and I will be going to a party being held by one of her friends.  I can only imagine what it will be like when I introduce her to more of my friends.  I find it hard to believe that we've been seeing each other for 6 months - especially with my gender presentation.  Luckily, this will not be an issue when we see her friends, as I will dress as Mario to play it safe.

Since I'm tired, I'm going to cut this post short and go to sleep.

See you tomorrow....

The end of a weekend with RQS

As many of my readers are aware, I've had problems with girlfriends dealing with my female gender presentation.  This was a major irritant in my most recent long term relationship, as well as something that got in the way of relationships with two of the women I've dated since then.  However, things have been very different with RQS, as she feels that she is Sapiosexual.  She sees my masculine and feminine sides as two parts of the same person, and seems comfortable with both (for now).

- - - - - -

This weekend, we had an interesting talk about how she'd present me to her family.  I noted that I don't mind seeing them as Mario, as she wasn't sure that they'd either understand me or accept me as Marian.  Luckily, these people live hundreds of miles away, so this wouldn't be much of a problem for us.  I think it will be interesting if she gets comfortable spending days at a time with my Marian persona, as it would be nice to go cruising as Marian with RQS as a partner.

All too soon, I had to drop RQS off at the local train station.  As I got there, there was a 4 wheeled meter maid patrolling the town parking lot.  Who'd have thought that they'd have someone writing tickets on the holiday?  So we killed a few minutes in air conditioned comfort before dropping RQS off at the train station.  At least, she made it home before sundown.

Car Shopping - A Used Car is Suggested.

This weekend, RQS and I went car shopping.  And I'm still not sure if I want to drop the hammer on this car, a 2020 Hyundai Sonata.  The car is nicer than the Elantra I wanted to buy, but it has 2 years of mileage on it.  As I started to write this, it's a flip of the coin that I will buy this car of not.  And if I don't, I'll likely spend the money to put new tires and brakes on my old car, and keep it on the road for at least another year.

- - - - - -

Both of us felt a positive vibe when we entered the salesroom.  Our salesman was eager to see us, and noted that the car we wanted wasn't in stock.  However, this conflicts with the ad I saw online, but I digress...  He asked if I was willing to look at a gently used car, and I said yes.  Within 5 minutes, RQS and I were out on local roads taking a test drive.

Of course, the salesman knew he had a good product and a potential customer.  In some ways, the car could sell itself.  But, given that I am going to reduce my income for the short term when I leave my job, I am a little leery on taking on debt for a used car I am not fully sold on. So I think I will pass on the deal and see if other dealerships for other brands have something I'd like.

Drag Queen Bingo - Much less than I thought it would be.

 

The other day, I went with a meetup group to see "Drag Queen Bingo".  Although it was a pleasant diversion, something was lacking for me.  No, it is not because I am a biological male wearing a dress.  But it's likely to be caused by the humor not entertaining me.

As I get older, it's much harder to get me to laugh.  For the most part, it's a case of none of these jokes seeming fresh.  I get a bigger kick out of old Borscht Belt humor in "Old Jews Telling Jokes." Several years ago, a former girlfriend (not XGFJ) and I saw an Off-Broadway presentation of this humor, and had a great time.  Most of these jokes are timeless, and they still can make people laugh with their whole bodies. (And I'll bet that some people peed themselves laughing....)

Sometime soon, I plan to take RQS to see a regional presentation of these jokes, and expect these jokes will make us laugh as much as they did for our parents' generation.  Much better than seeing a Drag Queen make forgettable jokes - even if the Drag Queen is very friendly.

Headaches in buying a new car - dealership issues....

 

There are precious few people who enjoy buying a new car.  I'm not one of them.  I hate the tactics used to extract money from my picket and out it in their till.  But then, we are a capitalist society, and the automobile market is not a transparent one.  Without having access to as much information as the car dealer, the consumer is bound to make a less than optimal deal.

In my case, I did some research, and was willing to settle on one of the two cars I wanted, but not in the color I wanted.  I can learn to live with a sub optimal color, but not a sub optimal deal.  And I had to send the following message to the dealer to get its attention:


I went to your dealership last Saturday, and asked for internet sales as you directed. However, the man who came to assist us had no idea that I was coming, nor did he initially want to sell the car at the price you and I talked about before some spirited haggling. (This should not have happened - they should have been aware I would be there at mid afternoon, and ready to sell the car at the price you and I discussed. This almost made me walk away to make a deal elsewhere - at another dealership I found who could/would sell the Elantra at MSRP.)

After the haggling and discussion over dinner, I thought we had the basics of a deal laid out. However, after a short email exchange with John J on Monday, I haven't heard anything back from him, and it is information I need to proceed any further with any deal.

1. When do they expect the car to be delivered to the dealership?
2. What interest rate is to be used for your financing? Is there a 36 month option available?
3. What paperwork will I need to pick up the car? (e.g: insurance cards, certified/bank check, etc.)
4. For my trade, I have the original title and the release of lien. Is that enough for you to work with?
5. Specifically what are the doc fees and non tax fees? (I'm pretty sure of what the doc fees should be, but what are the non tax fees?)

Most important, the line item called "<dealer-name> Complete" seems to be padding to add to your firm's bottom line, as there are no details on what this is. I need more information, as I wanted a car at MSRP, and not $977 more than the price should be. (Asking for almost $1000 extra without a good and acceptable explanation of what this covers would be a deal breaker for me.)

Can you help get me the information I need?

Now, I am not in love with this car, and it's a good thing  I don't have to have this car, and can easily do without it.  Additionally, there is another dealer closer to me that says it's willing to do a deal at MSRP.  Part of me wants for my current deal to fall through.  But I am willing to go through with it if my concerns are adequately addressed.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Meetups

 

The above picture is from last year's FTF Prom Meetup.  It's a good group to hang out with, but one from which I am drifting away.  Lately, my weekends are filled with time spent with RQS.  And that's a good thing.  Unlike my previous relationship, RQS is comfortable with me as Marian, though she prefers to see Mario.  This is not a problem for me, as we are learning where each other's limits are in this and other areas of life.

Although I will still go to Yonkers game nights, my heart isn't in the games anymore.  Instead, my heart is into being with people who accept me for who and what I am.  Other meetup groups have mostly fallen by the wayside, as I don't have the interest in spending that much time in these groups, nor do I have the need to use meetups as a way of being with people.

- - - - - -

Tonight, I attended a small meetup at a local craft brewery which held a few games of bingo hosted by a drag queen.  It was interesting to hear the Queen mention an old, now closed, gay bar - "It's been a long while since I've seen you at the B Lounge."  That's one person who had me pegged.  But I had a good time, even though I still have to deal with issues related to buying a new car, getting all parts of Medicare insurance set up (A, B, D, & G), and getting my laundry done before RQS comes here for the weekend.  Will I go to tomorrow's food truck meetup?  Maybe.  But I need to have everything ready to go for laundry to make that happen....

A quick note about my office

Two women I know are likely to have delivered their babies by the end of the week.  One of them is my former student voice clinician, and the other is the office gofer.  It is the second woman I want to talk about today.

The gofer is visibly pregnant (how could I have doubted it for an instant?) and is working at the office into her last week of pregnancy.  From what she says, there is no one designated to take on any of her responsibilities when she goes on leave.  We're already seeing what happens when she is not in the office, as K-Cups, paper coffee cups, paper towels, etc are not being replenished in the break room. Given the way my office works, I doubt they will do much of anything to deal with her absence until she's been gone a few days.

Before leaving, she complained about how this firm brings on new hires.  First, a person works for an employment agency (think of "Kelly Girls" and the like) for the first 3 months, and then another 3 months for the firm itself without benefits.  (This may have changed since new management took over the firm, but I digress.)  This woman's employment start date is listed as some time early this year, and her position is protected for only 6 weeks.  If she desires to come back, she will not be too happy leaving her baby in care of someone else.  If she desires to leave, we will have a 6 week gap until we can find a new worker to replace her.

No matter what, I have a feeling that this may be a factor in when I choose to retire....

Sleep Problems

 

 

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of a sleep cycle for no good reason.  So, I feel tired when I go in to work, and my productivity is down until lunch time.  It doesn't help that I am naturally awake late in the evening, and the effects of sleep deprivation have set in.

- - - - - -

When I was dating XGFJ, I always had problems with her nestling in my arm in bed.  It is not a romantic problem - it's an issue with RQS as well, but she accepts that I will need to shift my body now and then to keep comfortable.  The difference is simple - we communicate better now.  My previous relationship failed because of poor communication, and I wish it had ended earlier, so that we could have stayed close friends. 

- - - - - -

Going away for a short trip has its own problems.  In my case, if I don't bring my CPAP machine with me, I will fall back to having my sleep apnea cause me problems. When I was with XGFJ, she noted that the machine trained my subconscious to keep my airways unobstructed.  RQS notices that I sleep better with the machine, and has no problem with my use of the machine.  

- - - - - -

Even when all things are going right, there's a part of me that's restless.  If no one is with me, this is not an issue.  But, if someone is staying over, I can't just get up and put my thoughts into this blog.  Yet, I have less and less to say on a regular basis, and I am thinking of giving this blog a break for a while.  (I'll bet that FCP will be happy with that, as it was my previous blog that caused our rift (and, according to FCP, signaled the end of our relationship to XGFJ.))

- - - - - -

Luckily, I can get my sleep on weekends.  It's not enough.  But it will have to do until I retire.

A thought on an angry ex friend

One reaps what one sows.  This is so true in many ways.  I lost a friend by revealing too much about her inner thoughts, and I will not be forgiven.  But now, I have an answer to a question that's been bothering me for a while....

FCP contacted me today, commenting on events that happened in the past.  In her anger, she supplied clarification about a conversation we had, communications between her and my ex-girlfriend, and her thoughts on my ex's feelings.  I don't believe that I said anything recently about FCP that she should have taken offense to, but one never knows what goes on in a person who feels she has been betrayed, and what she will do to feel she has gotten her payback.

Part of today's communication had pictures of FCP's family, FCP commenting that these are people I'd never see again.  Well, I know she's sending these pictures out of anger, trying to rub in what I lost.  But I discounted the possibility of seeing her son, daughter in law, and now their baby long ago, as FCP doesn't have it in herself to let her anger go and consider forgiveness.  Forgiveness benefits the forgiver much more than the person being forgiven, as it releases any control that the repressed anger has on you.  Some of what FCP said hints at a former over dependence on daily conversations with me. And yes, I had a dependence on these communications as well.  I grew from our friendship ending, and I hope she has done so as well.

Now, I did not tell the ex-girlfriend that I had my earlier conversation with FCP.  FCP had said that she's get in trouble if I said anything, so I kept my mouth shut.  But... FCP opened her mouth to the ex, as I'd bet that she needed to know if I said anything about the conversation.  It's not worth stirring things up with the ex, and FCP has been a lost cause for the past 2 1/2 years.

What I find curious is that FCP found my blog interesting and discussed it often with the ex.  I guess that FCP still found me interesting enough to follow, even though I had little to say about her anymore.   I also find it interesting that FCP has soured on communicating with the ex, as without me being a topic, the ex has nothing to talk about that FCP finds interesting.  

FCP claims that she has blocked me.  Who knows?  She is an angry woman who gets upset when she doesn't get the results she wants.  For me, she is finally out of my life, and leaving my mind quickly. I only wonder if she has/or will go back to some of the habits she used to have when I once knew her. I hope not - she has done a few things in the past 2 1/2 years which I feel she should be proud of.

 

 

PS: The ex-girlfriend sent me an interesting message shortly after I received the communication from FCP.  I will not go into the content, save to mention that FCP had no right to put words into the ex-girlfriend's mouth.

A quick thought on gender presentation

 

The more I go out as Marian, the more I want to wear clothes that identify me as female.  The above dress is something I saw on Target's site that I like.  However, I will likely not buy this dress, as my closet is already overflowing.

Unlike many women, I enjoy wearing dresses all year round.  Yes, I know that cisgender women do not like wearing dresses in the winter, so I switch to shirts/blouses/sweaters and trousers for the cold weather. As I've said before, my goal is to blend in with women as a woman as best as possible.  So far, I do so more often than not, as evidenced by a recent incident where a woman changed her top in front of me.  If she thought I was a guy in a dress, she'd have waited until the bathroom was free to do so.

Over time, I am hoping that I am able to perfect my female presentation, so that most cisgender women would never think that I was anything but a cisgender woman.  However, I want to retain my ability to present as a male when I need to - such as in affairs of romance.  Ideally, I'd have an androgynous body, and be able to switch between modes as I see fit.  Until then, I'll do what I can to perfect who I am in Marian Mode....