Getting a ceiling repaired - The saga has ended.

 

Yesterday, I woke up to "construction noise" coming from downstairs.  The hole made for the plumbing repair was being fixed - a little under 3 weeks from the water damage from my apartment.  And I'm glad this saga has ended.  Based on the message below, I'm sure that my neighbor is happy with our response.

Good Evening

Just want to let you know that the work in our bathroom was completed today. Everything worked out well. Manny did a very nice job. He sheetrocked and painted and it all looks great. He also was very neat and left no mess when he was finished.

We are very happy with the result. Thank you for your part in getting this done.

As a co-op board member, it's a nice feeling to receive a thank you message from someone whose apartment was damaged on New Year's Eve.  It's important that any co-op board takes property maintenance and repair seriously, as this is one of the first things that people notice.

Hopefully, we will soon get to address other issues on our check list, as it's important that we show a record of accomplishments that we can justify our actions to our shareholders. 

Do I really want to be a model? - A Short Post

 

The other day, I saw the above post on communications I received from Universal Standard.  Although I joked with RQS about submitting a picture of myself along with contact information, there is a part of me that would like to be fully out as a member of the TG community.

There is a transwoman who inspires me in this area: Shay Neary.  She is openly transgender, and gets a bit of publicity. Would I want to be an older version of her? What would this do to my relationship with RQS? Given the choice of having a real and healthy relationship with a cisgender woman who accepts me as I now am, I'm not sure I'd ever risk the relationship for something with so many possible negatives.

Catching up with my friend Maria - A Short Post

 

Maria and I have known each other for almost 35 years, me being there for her as a friend during times good and bad.  Compared to my life, hers hasn't been that easy.  She has had to rebuild her financial life after being laid off by a major firm (for which she had grounds to sue, details which I won't go into here), through a change of career, then through both divorce and widowhood.

Recently, we found time to get together in spite of her busy schedule. As usual, I met her in Marian mode, though she knows me from my days solely as Mario.  She is comfortable with me in both modes, and I'm glad I can be my true self with her. This time, I did most of the talking, telling her about my Hawaii trip, including all of the craziness related to air travel.  However, I did get to mention my Vlog/Blog idea, and she thought it made sense.  So I will continue to write up my notes to prepare for the Vlog/Blog and try ideas out on both Maria and RQS when I'm ready to go.

One of the things Maria and I discussed was travel, specifically her ability to travel.  Her dog just passed away, freeing her to do things away from home.  If I wasn't attached to RQS, Maria and I could go on trips together with me traveling as Marian all the time.  But I am attached to RQS, and I'm glad this is so.  Yet, if things change - Maria will be the first person I choose to be a new travel partner (and not as a romantic interest).

 

Booking a cruise

 

The above is a picture of the ship I was on when I took my Hawaii trip.  Some of the cruises I've taken over the years were booked by my former cruise partner.  Other cruises I've taken were booked using a large travel agency or directly through the cruise line.  Now, RQS and I are looking to use a local travel agent affiliated with a larger travel agency to set things up for a California Coast trip we are interested in taking.

Why use a local travel agent instead of using a random person from the cruise line or from a large travel agency?  In our case, we wanted to find out whether it was worth the effort to hand off some of the mundane arrangements to someone who gets paid by the travel suppliers.  And the jury is still out for me in this regard.

In the future, I plan to take trips which require much more planning than a simple cruise to Canada and back.  For example, I'm looking to take a Norwegian Fjord cruise.  One of the cruises I'm interested in starts in Southampton, UK  and sails to both Norway and Iceland.  Travel to countries in the EU Schengen Zone requires one kind of pass for US citizens, while the UK has its own travel requirements. If I am happy with the service an individual agent can give me, I will use that agent for more of my trips.  If not, I will need to find other ways that I can minimize the research headaches I must endure to travel where I want to travel.

Yet, not all travel questions can be answered by a travel agent.  For example, how open to gender non conforming travel is a destination?  In my case, I have skipped several islands on Caribbean cruises, so that I am not hassled by their customs personnel.  To get this information, I may need to ask friends in the LGBT community for help.  And then, I might end up contacting several tourist bureaus directly - but not using my normal snail mail or email addresses for requesting this information.

Hopefully, one day, I will be able to travel freely, to anywhere I want, as Marian.  Until then, it pays to be careful.

Zooming with a Texas Friend

 

 

It's hard to believe that I've only met Stephanie once in person.  Yet, the two of us have developed a friendship thanks to Zoom and the Pandemic.

Today, Stephanie reminded me that we were supposed to have a zoom meeting this evening.  So, I set it up, and proceeded to get showered and dressed to spend the evening as Marian.  I ended up rushing to get to the post office before it closed, as I had a box to send to Pat at her care facility in Rockland county.  In the box was a photo shopped picture of my two gender presentations together, as if two separate people had posed for a formal picture on a cruise.

Once done with the post office, I decided to take a drive to Uncle Giuseppe's in Yorktown, to see how the store's new location looks.  And they did a great job with the space.  In the past, it housed a "Food Emporium" before A&P took over Shopwell and other smaller chains, causing the space to be empty for years.  Now, the store is much better than any of the supermarkets that previously occupied the space.

After killing time, I returned home and opened the zoom meeting with Stephanie.  As usual, we talked for a long time. Although she would like for me to come down and visit, I don't think I'll be visiting Texas anytime soon.  Texas is not a place where a TG like me can feel comfortable, given all the Radical Conservatives one finds down there.  The last thing I need is someone trying to cause me problems because I violated their "bathroom laws".

Sooner or later, I will have to get around to visiting Stephanie.  Only one problem - how can I make it worthwhile for RQS to accompany me on the trip?  Also, how would we describe our relationship with each other?

I am one lucky person! A Short Post

 

The other day, RQS and I were talking in bed (as we usually do) about many things.  And I said I was very lucky to have met someone who could accept me both as Mario and as Marian.  Although she said I was stretching her boundaries and expanding her comfort zone, I know not to go too far too fast with her.  Getting used to spending days at a time with her as Marian is still a new thing, and something that can't be rushed.

Soon, we'll be booking another cruise together, this time along the California coast.  It's too bad that I can't go in Marian mode this time, as we will be seeing both my uncle and her cousin.  The last thing we want is for them to see me as Marian.  But in the future, we will be traveling with me in Marian mode for several days, and I want to make sure that the trip is as pleasurable for her as possible.

As part of our chat, I noted that she will get to see me as Mario, in "formal mode" on the ship.  Believe it or not, I will be wearing a suit and tie on both gala nights on the cruise.  AARGH!  The last time I was on this line, I was wearing a little black dress with pearls.  And this is the way I feel most comfortable dressing to the nines.  Hopefully, we will soon take another cruise where I can dress to the nines in my little black dress and pearls, and make her just as happy as I will do wearing a dark suit and tie....

The Play That Goes Wrong went so very, very right!

 

RQS and I went to The Play That Goes Wrong this past Sunday, and there was no way either of us could hold in our laughter - The play was hilarious.  I had seen this play before as part of the "20 at 20" Off-Broadway theater promotion, and knew that RQS would love it - and she did.

- - - - - -

A while back, I was hunting for an appropriate Christmas present to give RQS.  Both of our apartments are overloaded with stuff we don't need.  I knew that buying objects for her gift could be counter productive for our long term needs.  But buying experiences might be the thing that would make her happy and help continue bonding us together.  So I took advantage of a deal offered online, and bought tickets for a performance we could go to in January.

This weekend rolled around, and so did theater time. So I drove down to RQS's place to spend Saturday night, in order to have an easy trip to the theater.  One problem - the bitter chill in the air.  Yet, we caught a bus without much waiting, and made it into the city an hour before showtime.  Luckily, we were able to find a place in the theater where we could sit down and wait until showtime.

The show opened up with two "stage hands" recruiting an audience member to help them set up the stage.  I told RQS that this was part of the show, and to keep an eye on everything going on from that point.  After the audience member was sent back to his seat, the show (and its mayhem) began.  I knew that this was the perfect gift for RQS, as she was continuously laughing for most of the next two hours.

All too soon, the play had to end and we had to go home.  If this play is professionally staged near you, I strongly suggest that you see it.  It will be worth the effort.

Getting the plumbing fixed - a short post

 

Nothing related to my transgenderism to talk about today.  Instead, what I hope is a finale to a plumbing problem that caused me some grief 2 weeks ago.

The above pickure is a view of my bathtub area from the apartment below.  You will note that the shiny pipe connection is new, as the old one was near the point of failure.  This was partially the cause of the problem that happened on New Year's weekend.  There was an incorrectly seated drain control lever that was also a partial cause of the problem.  Since the important things that caused the problem are within the building's walls, I am hoping that I won't be held responsible for the problem.

The plumbers arrived at 9:00 am, and I was glad to be up and about a couple of hours earlier than usual. This was a day that I wouldn't be able to be out and about as Marian, so I made sure to be dressed as Mario when the plumbers arrived.  The problem was fixed relatively quickly, and the plumbers were gone by 11:00 am.

Although I could have gotten showered and picked up RQS as Marian, I decided to make this a "Mario Day" - if only to make RQS a little more comfortable after a long trip to get here.  But I'll discuss the weekend in another post.

I have a feeling that the tire shop was right about this one - a short post

 

For a long while, I've had to worry about a slow leak in one of my tires.  About once per month, I'd find that an "Idiot Light" would go on, telling me that one of my tires needed inflating.  Well, the first time this happened, it was the TPMS Sensor in one my wheel hubs which was replaced.  Later on, I had a true slow leak that was annoying, and probably related to wheel hub damage that would only be noticeable when the car is on the lift.  This was a problem that I lived with, instead of trying to get it fixed - even after replacing a set of tires at the end of their life.  And then, after the wheel hub was repaired, I had another slow leak on the same wheel - this time, the tire needed repair.

Just before I went on my trip to Hawaii, I checked the air pressure in the tire to be safe, and then parked for a week and a half at the hotel. During the trip, I occasionally wondered about the tire, and whether it would still be inflated when I returned to the hotel to pick up my car.  It's been a month since then, and I haven't had to inflate the tire yet,

Why am I thinking of this?

I'm living more and more of my life as Marian, and I don't want to call AAA (or another service) for help when in gender-nonconforming presentation.  There are still too many people who think that people like me are freaks.  And I don't want to lose a certain privilege that seemingly cisgender people have - an expectation of being treated with "respect" (but not necessarily with honesty).  The one time I needed to call AAA while presenting as Marian, I was able to switch into Mario mode before the tow truck came.  Since I no longer bother keeping a change of clothes in the car, I feel that I could be at greater risk if my car were to break down on the side of the road. 

Game Night - The first of the new year.

 

Normally at this time of year, we'd have already had a coating of the white stuff around here and the above scene would be replicated at a nearby park.  Sadly for our reservoirs, we haven't had any snow yet.  But we have had more than enough "warm" days for any winter season.  

With the above being said, tonight's rain made me want to stay home instead of going to Yonkers to play games.  Since I am a regular, I decided to go - and had fun with the gang.  It's always nice to be with this crowd, as I always go as Marian.  And, as usual, I never seem to win any games, but have fun doing so.

Tonight, two of my favorite attendees weren't able to attend.  Given that one's parent is not in the best of health, it was expected that they would be taking care of that parent.  I missed the female half of the couple, as we always have interesting chats after the games are over.  (Yes, she knows I'm trans, and it doesn't matter to her.)  However, a couple of others that I wanted to see were there, and it was nice to see them again.

On other matters....

Lately, I've slowly made process in cleaning up my apartment.  Today, I made the decision to take two donation bags that were ready to go to charity, add a couple of comforters to those bags, and bring them to the donation center the next time I go out.  Additionally, I'm also finding a new home for a piece of luggage that I no longer use, clearing out even more space in my place.  But most importantly, I got around to hanging a poster my brother got me for Christmas - in the one remaining space in the apartment where it wouldn't distract from other things displayed in the apartment....

Seeing a friend for dinner - a short post.

 

I haven't seen my friend Vicki #2 in a while, so it was nice to get together with her again.  Vicki's spouse is living with cancer, but has no quality of life.  So Vicki has to arrange her life to take care of her spouse until the home healthcare aide arrives for an 8 pm to 8 am shift.

- - - - - -

It's important that key details of Vicki's life be kept private.  So I'll avoid going into fine detail here.  Like any caregiver spouse who tends for a permanently disabled spouse, Vicki's life is not her own these days.  So, when I contacted her before New Year, she suggested tonight for dinner.  But she made sure that we would meet when she knew that she'd be free.  Each time we've met lately, she feels grateful that I'm making the effort to reach out.  She has too much on her plate these days.

Vicki knows that I am TG, and has met me in both gender presentations.  However, most of the time, I meet her in a feminine presentation.  And this is how I dressed when I met her tonight at The Cube Inn, a small restaurant/bar in the heart of Tarrytown, NY.  This is not one of my favorite places to eat dinner.  But it is a nice place to go for a quiet drink with a friend or two.  I was lucky that we scheduled our get together for 8:45, as I wouldn't have been able to order a burger before the kitchen closed.  Thankfully, we could drink (if we wanted) until the cows came home.

We had a leisurely chat over a couple of drinks and some food, and all too soon it was time to go.  RQS and I have an invitation to drop by when Vicki is home.  So, who knows, we will be over someday soon....

The saga of water that flowed wrong - so far.

 

On New Year's Eve, RQS overfilled my tub, and water ended up flowing onto the ceiling of the apartment below me.  Although I'm pretty sure I know both cause and way to prevent this from happening in the future, I did the safe thing and reported this to the co-op management company, and asked for someone to investigate.  With a statement from the co-op saying what damages I may need to take care of, I could then go to my insurance company and file a claim under my policy.  This should be a no-brainer, and something that should be taken care of with a minimal amount of fuss on my end.  But things aren't as simple as they seem.

Both my downstairs neighbor and I reported the problem to the managing agent over the weekend, and we expected return phone calls (or emails) that next Tuesday.  All I got was crickets.  I figured that by Thursday I'd need to write again and ask for an update - which I got.  Finally some information!  The site representative was in contact with our plumber and would look to set up a date for an inspection.  I was bothered by this.  The same plumber was here that Tuesday morning, I was here that Tuesday morning, and my neighbor was here that Tuesday morning.  There was no excuse for not asking the plumber to spend a few extra minutes to come to our two apartments and determining the root cause of the problem.

The following Tuesday, we held a co-op board meeting.  As much as I can't talk about many things that happened in the meeting, I can say that I brought up my concerns to the site representative.  And he told me that he already scheduled an inspection of the two apartments' plumbing on Friday at 8:30 am.  What if either of us was planning on being away?  The site representative should have checked with the apartment residents before committing to a date and time.

As you can guess, I am annoyed.  From the time that the problem was detected to the time the apartments were inspected would almost be two weeks.  You can easily see why I want this site representative replaced as soon as possible.

"Bored" Meeting

 

Once every month (excepting Summer), my Co-Op board meets to discuss issues before it.  Tonight, was this month's board meeting, and as usual, minutes were taken and hours were lost. Although I can't go into any detail, I can say that we were frustrated coming into the meeting, as we'd get a series of excuses from one person as to why things haven't yet been taken care of.  

It seems like we have the same basic problem every month.  Under the first management company, our goal was to find out where we were financially and move forward from there.  With the second management company, our goal was to keep up to date with things and not let someone return us to the position we were in with the first company. And now, with the third company, the problem is holding one person's feet to the fire, so that things get done when we need them done.

Sadly, problems like those we have are common with cooperatives/condominiums and their management companies.  It takes an alert board to keep a management company in line.  But how many people have what it takes to do this?  I don't.  Thankfully, the president of our co-op does, and I will help her keep this complex on track until a new generation of people are ready to take on the mantle of running this place.

- - - - - -

Right now, I attend board meetings as Mario.  But after this Spring's public meeting, I plan to attend more of them as Marian.  This will give me more time during the week to live life as my authentic self. Even if I spend much of my time with RQS as Mario, I have found that I need to get out as Marian to live a balanced life.  I can only imagine what it will be like when I attend my first public board meeting as Marian....

Game Meat Dinner - A Quick Post

Once each year, a local restaurant closes its dining room so that special patrons can enjoy a dinner made from "wild" game meats.  (I didn't ask about the origin of these meats.)  Today's dinner consisted of Venison, Rabbit and Quail.  This is something my late wife would have loved had she been alive for this dinner, as she loved deer meat.  And if it weren't for DS mentioning this dinner to me, I never would have gone....

- - - - - -

Today was a day that I couldn't rest well.  I had not been able to get much sleep the night before, as I had way too much caffeine on my way home.  So when I tried to take an afternoon nap, I just couldn't rest.  If I had not committed to this dinner the night before, I wouldn't have gone to this dinner - but I'm glad I did.

Arriving at 6 pm, I was earlier than the rest of the gang.  This was my first time with the DISH meetup group, and I didn't want to be late.  However, I should have taken my time, as I was waiting 30 minutes for others to arrive.  Once the rest of our group arrived, I was engaged in enjoyable conversation with two women - both of which I hope to get to know further as Marian.  And then DS arrived, completing our group.

As you can guess from the pictures above, we had Venison, Rabbit and Quail in several different ways.  I enjoyed the Venison Sausage and Meatballs more than the other Venison dishes.  And if offered, I'll have Rabbit anytime it's available to me.  Quail, on the other hand, is a waste of time to eat, as there is not enough meat on the bones to make the time it takes to eat it worth the effort.

Hopefully, I'll be able to do more things with this meetup group in the future.  It's a friendly group, and one which I feel that I'll be warmly accepted as Marian.

A visit to the Doctor - A Quick Post

 

Last month, my doctor gave me a physical and had some blood work done on me.  Seeing some of the results of the blood work gave me some concern - I didn't have a bad cholesterol level before, but I did now.  So it was with some trepidation that I visited my doctor today.

I arrived at 10:00, but the doctor lost track of my appointment. He was seeing another patient in waiting room #1, so I was placed in waiting room #2.  At that point, the fun began - they wondered where I was, as if I never made it to my appointment.  It wasn't until I came out to the receptionist's desk at 10:20 that they realized I was there, and that my appointment would finally start.

First up was someone new in the office.  If I recall correctly, this woman was a newly minted doctor doing an externship.  (She could be looking at the practice, trying to figure out whether it would be a good one to buy out, or buy into.  But that's another story.)  She did the first run on my vitals before my internist came in to double check his assistant's work.  Instead of reviewing the results of my lab work as planned, I came out with the expectation that a new medication can help with some of the medical issues I have.  If this drug is affordable and covered by my plan - Great.  If not, I'll ask him for alternatives to this drug.

Within an hour after arriving, I was out the door.  And just as well.  I simply wanted to get into Marian mode for the rest of the day....

 

PS: If the doctor is looking at selling his practice and this woman buys it, I will talk about my TG nature with her....

Traveling to/from NYC

 

East Side Access / Grand Central Madison.  It's been a dream for many people for years.  However, it was not available when I needed it, nor was it in public use by year end 2022 as promised by the MTA.  If East Side Access was available when I needed it, I might have used mass transit to reach the airport instead of staying at a hotel near the airport before my flight to Hawaii.

Unlike some lucky cities, two major railroads controlled access to Manhattan island by rail: The New York Central Railroad and the Pennsylvania Railroad.  Although both of these railroads are long gone, the competing infrastructure they built still remains for commuter rail and for intercity rail.  This legacy has created a system where I am unable to use Amtrak for trips to/from my home station, unless I pay for an expensive trip into Pennsylvania Station, NY (NYP) or use the NYC Subway to reach Pennsylvania Station from Grand Central Terminal (GCT).  (Amtrak's fares actively discourage people from using Empire Service to reach NYC from the North, as it doesn't want to provide commuter service along this route.) Historical airport placement doesn't help either, as none of the 3 major NYC airports were designed for mass transit to deliver people people between Manhattan and the airports. As a result, I couldn't justify traveling into NYP, then using either New Jersey Transit (NJT) or Long Island Railroad (LIRR) to reach Newark (EWR) or Kennedy (JFK) airports.  Even reaching La Guardia (LGA) airport is a pain, as one can only reach LGA (via mass transit) via the NYC Subway, then connecting to a bur to the airport.  

At both JFK and EWR, special transit has been built to transport people between railroad stations and the airports.  But this can result in awkward land based trips to reach the airport.  For example, had East Side Access (ESA) been available to me, I'd still need to take Metro North (MNRR) into NYC, then transfer to a LIRR train to Jamaica, and finally a special "AirTrain" to JFK.  EWR and LGA would still be unavailable to me.

Years ago, there were buses that (for a small fee) would transport people between the NYP and GCT railroad hubs and the 3 NYC area airports.  Sadly, the last time I looked, these buses are no more.  If I want to go to an airport, I either have to find cheap parking nearby, or use an expensive cab to reach the airport. I am worse off now than I was 30 years ago!

However, this problem isn't limited to air travel.  With the exception of the Manhattan cruise terminal, cruise ships dock in either Brooklyn, NY or Bayonne, NJ.  Neither is good for many people as one can only reach these terminals from Manhattan via an expensive cab or Uber ride.  If one lives in the outer boroughs, the expense is even worse.  Only if I'm traveling from RQS's place will I consider going to Red Hook, Brooklyn to go on a cruise.  It would cost me way too much to reach Brooklyn from my home - I might as well fly somewhere where cheaper cruises are being offered.  As for Bayonne, I doubt that I will ever cruise out of that port, as I can not justify the excessive cost of leaving my car in a unattended (or under attended) parking lot.

As you can guess, New York City is not a place that makes it easy for frugal travel.  But I still find ways to do so, and will continue to write about my exploits as Marian and as Mario as they occur.

I'll have what she's having.

 

This weekend, RQS and I went to see an exhibit at the New York Historical Society: "I'll have what she's having" : The Jewish Deli.  The exhibit tries to capture the history of the Jewish Deli in New York, and how it has contributed to our American culture.  If you're in the area before April, '23, I suggest that you try to visit and tell me what you think.  Would you have what she's having? 😀

- - - - - -

I had a lunch appointment with a former coworker from the imaging firm I worked at last year.  This meant that I wasn't going to be able to make it to RQS's place until after sundown.  At lunch, this friend told me that she was laid off from the imaging place, but that it was just as well.  It gave her greater flexibility to take care of family needs (such as driving her younger son home from school) as well as being able to work on one of her side hustles.   I caught her up on what was happening in my life, and we agreed to try and get together more often.

Once done with my friend, I went home to take care of a couple of things and change into Mario mode for the rest of the weekend.  By the time I was done at home, it was almost 5 pm, and it took me about 90 minutes to get to RQS's neighborhood.  I never mind that, but it was the search for a parking spot that got to me.  It must have taken over 20 minutes for me to find a spot.  And even then, I had to check that I was at least 15 feet from the fire hydrant.  The last thing I wanted was a ticket for parking too close, so I measured the distance to ensure that the car was parked in compliance with the law - unlike the car parked in front of the hydrant.  (The only reason I took the above picture was to be able to demonstrate in court with empirical evidence that I was legally parked.  And I consider myself lucky that I didn't need to do so.)  This was the space my car was in until I left Sunday evening.

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and the two of us didn't get moving until 2 pm.  It took us a little over an hour to get to the New York Historical Society building, but it was worth the effort.  The exhibition we wanted to see was both entertaining and educational.  The one flaw was that too many people were there when we visited - we couldn't take in any of the exhibits in the way they deserved without blocking others from doing so.  (So, if you visit, try to do so on a weekday.)  After we were done there, we went to the second floor to view some other exhibits before getting on our way.

After leaving the museum, we stopped off at a dumpling shop on Columbus avenue - Dumplings.  We were underwhelmed by the place in both variety and quality of selections.  It's one of those rare places where I'd pass it by if I were again in the neighborhood - the food was way too spicy (heat), and the beverages not worth the effort to drink (save maybe, a beer).  When we made it back to RQS's neighborhood, we stopped by a local bodega to get something sweet to balance the bad taste in our mouths, and found something that was light, sweet and cold....

- - - - - -

Sunday was a day that neither of us wanted to do much, and we did it well.  The only thing we needed to do was take the measurement for a new bed slat I need to get for her, and that went well.  However, when we looked for her drill, we found that her late husband's tool box had an undesirable insect infestation. (You can easily guess which type of insect I'm talking about.)  We suspect that someone "Bug Bombed" their apartment, and they found a new home in her apartment.  Thank god for Raid insect spray and some bug killing gel that she will be applying during the week.  In regard to the tool box, everything is going to be cleaned out, disinfected, and sprayed.  She will need those tools in the future, and neither of us want to deal with an insect infestation again.

All too soon, it was time to go....

Metropolitan Museum of Art w. Sophie

 

This is far from the most flattering picture of Sophie (of the blog "A Woman Named Sophie").  But I feel that it shows her as the thinking person that she is.  Both of us have advanced degrees, and both of us have a curiosity about life that is best illustrated by this picture of her examining an Egyptian relic at NYC's Metropolitan Museum of Art.

- - - - - -

A couple of weeks ago, Sophie mentioned that she'd be coming into NYC for a couple of days, and that she'd be available to get together today.  I knew that this would be a rare treat, and that I'd be putting off long delayed tasks originally planned for today (e.g. post-cruise laundry) to see her.  As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I was totally exhausted when I came home from Hawaii, and all that I needed was rest.  But, Sophie was only available today.  So I chose to meet her at Grand Central, then take the bus to the Met.

Sophie had driven here from her home in Pennsylvania, and became painfully aware of the headaches of both driving and parking in NYC.  She needed a little time to get settled down before we got together. So we decided to meet at 2 pm at Grand Central, then proceed to the Met from there.  After taking a while to find out where to buy tickets from a human (Residents of NY, NJ, and CT can pay what they wish, all others pay full price for admission), we went to the ticket booth and ended up paying a New Yorker's rate for both tickets.  

Although my main interest was in the Egyptian artifacts, Sophie's spread through several areas - and was reasonably knowledgeable in these areas.  (Shame on me for only becoming interested in art later in life.)  

In the end, it was the Egyptian artifacts that held our interest.  After visiting the Temple of Dendur, it was time to leave, and we decemped for Greenwich Village.  We ended up eating at a BBQ joint off of 7th avenue, and both of us noted how salty the food was.  But is sure was tasty! All too soon, it was time to go.  Sophie went back to her hotel, and I went to my apartment.  Hopefully, it won't be too long before we meet again.  

When I got home, it was time to go to the supermarket to pick up some food for the week.  While shopping, a woman asked me if it was hot in the store.  I mentioned that I was feeling comfortable, and she ended up talking about her menopausal hot flashes, as if I were a 65 y/o woman who already went through the change.  Little did she know how much of a change I've gone through so far!  Although it was a short conversation, it was a confirmation of my femininity.  (Even RQS got a kick out of this when I mentioned it in our evening chat.)

Sometimes, I wonder what some people are up to.

 

Sometimes, I wonder what some people from my past are up to these days.  With some people, like FCP, I will likely never know, and it doesn't bother me much.  With others, like FH and MWL, I don't mind knowing, but I don't try to find out much.  And with others, I try to keep in some contact, and learn about their lives through the filters of friendship.

Occasionally, I think of FCP, and quickly put her out of my mind.  She left enough breadcrumbs around for me to know what she and her family was doing without me doing any research.  The last time we were in contact, she was upset at me, because I sent a "Congratulations!" card to her son and daughter in law to celebrate the birth of their son. And then, she wanted to rub in the pain of the loss of a friendship by showing me more pictures of this son as if I'm estranged family.  Without knowing even the name of this son, how could I miss someone who wasn't even a part of my family?  But I think she has deeper scars than I do, and that dwelling on this part of my past doesn't help at all.

A few weeks ago, I was finally able to get in contact with Pat (my former hypnotist).  I would have thought that she (or her daughter) would have contacted me to let me know that she was moving to a care facility.  Once I found this out, I made it a point to visit her there, and to get her out of the facility for a bite to eat now and then.  This past visit, she invited her new boyfriend out to eat with RQS and I, and "expected" that we would take them out to a restaurant of their choice instead of mine.  Although I would later find out that their place wasn't that expensive, it still would have cost me 3 times what it cost to go to the pizzeria we went to.  RQS and I agreed that Pat doesn't realize that the little impositions she makes without thought are the same things which can alienate her from friends and family.

MWL and I have maintained very loose contact since I started dating RQS.  She will occasionally initiate contact to catch up on things and to let me know about the developments in her life (such as turning her storage room into a finished living room).  Given that we went nowhere in our relationship, and that we had little chemistry between us, I will not try hard to maintain contact.

Every so often, FH pops up to say hi.  She's seeing someone now, but I'm not sure of how well it's going, considering that she is in contact with me.  The last time we communicated, she sent me a picture of a status symbol handbag that a "special person" gave her.  When I mentioned this to RQS, we chuckled.  We both knew that if I made the mistake of bonding with this woman, that the relationship would have been a slow motion train wreck.

Yes, I still communicate with XGFJ now and then.  And her life has continued with the same routine that it followed when I was in it.  This relationship would have been another train wreck had it not ended, as she is incapable of communicating her needs, nor is she able to make the compromises needed to make a relationship work.  (I refer to incidents we had where it was a non negotiable requirement that we be with her family on the holidays.  I wonder if this is still true with the fellow that she mentioned seeing a while back.)  I wish her the best.  Yet, there will always be a part of me that wishes that I didn't waste 5 years of my life dating her.

On better and worse notes, I still am in contact with Vicki #2 ("Short Vicki").  It's good that we are in contact with each other.  But she has only had sad news to report lately, as one of her family is very ill and needs constant care.  If I were to say "hopefully, it'll be over soon", that could be taken as wishing some relief for her, or hoping something sad will happen.  So I say very little, and let her do most of the talking.  Hopefully, we will be able to get together for dinner soon, and catch up on things.

I haven't had much to say about BXM these days.  She's doing well, and has settled down into domestic life with her boyfriend.  It'll be nice to see her again, but she's not the type I easily warm up to.  It takes me a while to get into sync with her when we chat, and it's because we come from different worlds.

It'd be easy to go on and on about people who pop in and out of one's life.  Once one has a steady relationship, it subtracts one or two people from the wider circle of friends I might be visiting if I didn't have a girlfriend.  Although it's a normal and good thing, I still wish there were enough hours in the day to see these people, and money in the wallet to afford to have dinners with them.

Sometimes, being transgender can be quite boring.

One thing I tell most newly "out" transgender people (or, those who are thinking of coming "out") is that living as one's true gender does not erase any problem one is having.  If one is having family problems, living authentically may only make things worse.  (In the case of one TG woman I know, living an authentic life forced her into poverty, and put walls up between her and her family.)  But what should a TG person do?  Should one live a lie, and preserve a family and a career?  Or, should one make the decision to be authentic, and risk losing many of the things we value most?

As readers of this (and my previous) blog know, I lost a love (in part) because of my transgender nature.  I also found out what a former friend really thought of me, with her words of anger.  At least, I know that my immediate family and close friends would have stood by me had the ex carried through on her threats. But should anyone have to risk things like this?

Many of us worry about our jobs, as a large number of TG people live in states where we are not protected (or actually harmed) by law.  One inactive blogger I know lives in one of these states.  Although her family knows that she travels en-femme, she would have little protection in her state if her management took a dislike to her for this reason.  Because of this, she is careful when she comes out of the closet.

But what happens when one has paid the price to live an authentic life?

To answer the above question, I feel that the answer is best answered by the phrase: "It Depends."  In my case, I still have my foot in both the masculine and feminine worlds.  It's a trade off I'm willing to make to have a romantic life with a good woman.  I live on a pension, soon to be supplemented by income from social security and a 401k.  Yet, if things were different when I was much younger, I'd have rather lived as Marian for most of my adult life.

Now that I'm able to go out and about, my life has grown rather mundane.  I don't have that much to talk about at times - just like a "normal" cisgender person.  I still remember my former cruise partner getting mad because I mentioned too much about her life in my former blog.  Sadly, parts of her life were like a soap opera, and it was hard to keep on the correct side of the blogging line.  So, I'm much more careful in writing this blog, knowing that I might bore people from time to time with the mundane details of my life.

So what will I be writing about in the future?

Although I will continue to write about my mundane life, I will also be writing about my travels.  Some of these travels will be as Marian.  And other travels will be as Mario.  Hopefully, I will be able to continue my travels to more and more places and provide my readers with interesting stories based on my adventures along the way.