I still play hopscotch across gender lines

Unlike an acquaintance mentioned in a prior post, I have no intention of backsliding on my path to femininity.  Even though the AI generated picture above is only an aspirational goal, it is a good idea of what I'd look like after Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS).  And I want to look like this (as appropriate for my age) at some time in the future.

The big question will always be: How far can I go along my path and have RQS as my companion?  I'd rather stop at a point before she starts feeling uncomfortable than to go too far and lose her.  For me, having companionship at this stage of life is more important than being fully female.  The equipment between my legs is less important than how I present myself to the world.  Additionally, the ability to present myself to the world 24x7 as a female is not as important as having a partner at this stage of life.

So, where does this leave me right now?

Well, I am comfortable crossing gender lines as needed to get things done during the day.  For example, I have to do some tile shopping for repairs being done on my bathroom wall.  This is something best done while I'm in male mode.  Yet, I feel more comfortable in female mode overall.  

Yet, this can get a bit awkward when I need to be in Male mode part of the day, then Female mode for the rest of the day.  For example, I have electricians coming to my apartment several days next week. (I can't move all of the furniture out of the way to get all the needed work done on one visit.)  I'll need to be in male mode these days, then change into female mode after they have gone for the day.

For the most part, everyone in my apartment complex knows that I live a bi-gendered life.  But, I have to be careful which mode I use when I deal with the outside world.  If a mechanic sees me as a woman, they will either treat me as someone who doesn't know much about mechanical things - or worse....  Yet, presenting as a male can be just as awkward in female dominated spaces, such as makeup counters. 

Will this crossing of gender lines ever end?

I don't have a good answer to the above question.  If I didn't have to worry about RQS's feelings, I'd probably move much faster towards living 24x7 as a female.  Yet, I'd still want a relationship with my family, and that would likely mean that I would either have to out myself to the rest of the family or find ways to hide it....

Taking care of business (part 1)

 

I had several things I had to do today: See a friend for lunch, arrange for a handyman to come and repair the tile in my bathroom, postpone dinner with Vicki, get my earlobe piercings looked at, and confirm my car's appointment for the annual state safety/emissions inspection.  And I was amazed that I got everything done.

But first....

My alarms were set to wake me up at 7:00 am, so that I could attempt to get free tickets for the 9/11 museum in Lower Manhattan.  It was worth it for me to try to wake up early to get these tickets, but I was doing it with only 3 hours of sleep.  So I'd likely be tired most of the day until I've had a chance to nap.  Still, I didn't get to the site using the correct link, so refreshing the link at 7:00 am still resulted in failure as I was never presented with the option of getting free tickets.  AARGH!  Yet, failing to get 9/11 tickets would be a blessing, as I would be able to take a much needed nap later in the day.

Now that I was awake, I started to work on a blog entry.  Working on developing a travel blog that will develop into videos is work, as I have to be thinking of scripts I can use to make 10-15 minutes of useful content on a regularly scheduled basis.  (It'll need more meat and less filler than in this daily blog.)  So I worked on something based on my most recent trip.  Even though I'm not happy with this entry, it's good exercise for me.

About 11:00 am, I started getting ready to see my friend MAR for lunch.  I hated to get showered, as I don't like risking getting the failed section of the tiled wall wet.  (It's covered with both duct tape and a tarp now, but there is still a risk until a handyman fixes it.)  After showering and getting made up for the day, I put on a dress I bought several years ago, and went out for lunch.  We chatted for a couple of hours, talking about many things.  I'm glad that she is taking my advice, and trying to develop skills that will get her out of the job she is doing and into something better. She'll never be a rocket scientist, but she's capable of doing something that will make it possible to afford to live on her own.

Next, I had to make an appointment with a handyman.  My downstairs neighbor (who I haven't seen in weeks) had given me the name of a person who worked in his apartment for a contractor that the co-op used to fix damage from a plumbing problem originating from my apartment.  So, I called him, and we made an appointment for this Saturday (although he'd want to stop by after work today - something I couldn't do while out as Marian. Instead, I have him coming by tomorrow, while I'm out as Mario.)  Hopefully, this fix will both be done the right way and won't cost me too much money.  

Now that this was taken care of, I drove to the tattoo/piercing shop to have the piercing specialist look at my ears.  I was having trouble with one ear because there was a little gunk blocking the hole.  The other ear's problem was caused by the hole starting to close - and she took care of that.  However, she couldn't widen the hole without using studs that I'd never be able to take off and put back on easily.  So I went with replacing the studs I used to wear.

And then, it was home for a nap after a quick trip to the supermarket.  I'll have a lot to take care of tomorrow, but I'll deal with it then....

Having dinner with VW

 

Although the above looks nothing like the dinner I had tonight, it tasted as good as this dinner looks.  It's been forever since VW and I have gotten together, and it was nice to see her again after almost a year.

But first...

It's been forever since I've seen VW.  When it appeared that I had double booked dining dates with VW and TCL, I asked TCL to postpone things as it's harder to meet with VW than TCL.  Unfortunately, TCL and I have yet to find a good date where I can finally get together with her (as Mario).  So, I'll likely find a free weekday to meet TCL and have a long postponed "birthday dinner".

Back to VW and dinner...

The other day, I found a long missing dress safely stored inside a chest I plan to give away.  Given how much I love this dress, I was elated when I was able to show this dress to RQS - she thought it looked great on me when I dropped her off at the train station.  And I planned to wear it when I saw VW later on.

VW and I agreed to meet halfway between our two residences.  This meant that we'd meet somewhere in the Brewster vicinity, and I figured that I'd need 45 minutes to get there.  Around 5:30 pm, I put my dress back on, and drove to the restaurant to meet VW.   Just as I got to the restaurant, I got a call from VW - her GPS wasn't working, and needed directions to the restaurant.  Given that she took NY-22 most of the way, I gave her instructions on how to find the restaurant once in Brewster.

Since VW was going to be delayed for a few minutes, I decided to fill up my gas tank and fine tune the directions I gave her.  So, after I returned to the restaurant, I called her and told her how to complete her trip.  Shortly afterward, she arrived and we proceeded to order dinner. Although I won't discuss the topics VW brought up, I talked about RQS and our recent trip to California.  Soon, dinner came and we had a leisurely meal. Unfortunately, the service was even more leisurely to a fault.  It took forever for us to get our bill and to get our change.

Since we were the last people in the restaurant, we knew it was time to go home.  As we left the restaurant, I was reminded of why VW and I never made it as a couple - we both had the wrong baggage for us to be each other's match.  At least, we could be good friends....

A short weekend with RQS as Marian

Even though RQS and I were going to spend less time together than what has become usual, this was going to turn out to be a special weekend - we would be getting pedicures together.  Finally, a whole weekend together where I'd be in Marian Mode!

- - - - - -

Unlike the past few weekends that RQS came to visit, she had things to do before getting on the Northbound train to Croton.  Arriving at dinnertime, RQS said that she wanted to eat either Mexican, Indian, or Japanese (Sushi) cuisines.  And the first place I could think of was near the Walmart in Mohegan Lake - Wild Fusion Asian Sushi Bar & Grill.  

Arriving at the restaurant around 6:00 pm, we found that the restaurant was almost empty.  Shortly after being seated, our orders were taken - and then we were forgotten about for a while. Things had changed since I was last here with FCP several years ago.  While waiting, I noticed that the seating area which once existed in front of the sushi bar was now a staging area for to-go and delivery orders. RQS noticed that the restaurant had filled up in the time between our orders were taken and the time our dishes reached the table.  Although we enjoyed the food and would normally eat there again, the slow and inadequate service turned us off from going back anytime soon.

Our next stop was the above mentioned Walmart.  I had lost (or misplaced) my set of keys to RQS's place, and needed a replacement set.  So, I figured that we could stop by the Key cutting kiosk there, and be out in 5 minutes.  Well, RQS forgot her login code for the machine, and we had to recut replacement keys from scratch.  (This time, I saved the key info under my email address, just in case I lose the keys again.) 10 minutes later, we were off to the supermarket to pick up goodies for the next night's dinner.  After our supermarket visit, RQS looked at her seat and noticed something unexpected - the missing set of keys.  At least, I now have 3 sets of keys to her place, one of them on Mario's key chain.  That should be the last time I misplace keys to her place....

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and we took our time before going out to get our nails done.  Since RQS has pottery class this coming week, she chose to only get a pedicure.  I chose to get a mani-pedi, and was now committed to going out in the world as Marian for the next week or so. For the next hour or so, we enjoyed being pampered by the ladies at the nail salon.  

Our next stop would bring us across the river, and down to Paramus, NJ.  I wanted to have RQS look at a dress I was interested in, as I wanted to be able to wear it on my upcoming cruise to the Bahamas;  RQS wanted to look at some clothes that would help her refresh her wardrobe.  So, I tried to find the dress that had been in plentiful supply at the Lane Bryant in Pelham, NY, while RQS browsed the store for things she was interested in.  Although I found the dress in an out of the way nook of the store, it was not in my size.  RQS said that she liked the dress, and I made a note to buy it online when it hit my net price point.  RQS found two tops that fit her well.  This was a very productive trip.

And then, it was time to go home for the evening.

- - - - - -

When we got up, RQS said that she was taking me out for brunch.  It was nice to be treated for a change. But neither of us had much energy, and we didn't get to the diner until 1:30 pm.  As we arrived, the heavens opened up, and we waited a little before dashing inside to eat.  Luckily, the rain had eased off by the time we left the diner, and it was back to my apartment to pick up RQS's bags for her return home.  A few minutes later, it was time to go - and this was fortuitous, as there was a (unscheduled?) train waiting to take RQS into Grand Central.  (Later, I'd find that there were floods on the line North of Croton-Harmon.)  Although RQS would get home later than expected, I'll bet that her cat wouldn't leave her alone once she opened the door to her apartment.

Cancelling one cruise and getting ready to book another.

 

The above is the cruise we were planning to take in February.  Looks like a good itinerary for a 7-day cruise, doesn't it?  But we had a very good reason for cancelling this cruise. The cost of getting to Tampa, staying a couple of days before and after (to see relatives and friends), and what we might spend in shore excursions caused us to rethink our plans, and change where and when we'll be cruising. 

Instead, we decided that the above 12-Day Norwegian Fjord cruise was a better value for us.  Yes, we may spend a little more money on this trip.  But we will see sights that will be closed off to most cruise ships in 2025.

Am I a bit apprehensive about this trip?  Yes.  It'll be the first time I've traveled outside of North America in my life (save for Hawaii, which I'll treat as North America, as well as islands in the Caribbean.).  But it is something that places me a little bit out of my comfort zone, and will help me grow as a person.

With this being said, I am a little sad that I will not be able to take this cruise in my female presentation. However, it will give RQS some uninterrupted time with Mario - something I know she needs very much.  And I'm glad to give it to her, as my need to present as Marian is not as strong as my desire for a healthy romance.

Luckily, my passport has another 4 years on it, which means that I won't be traveling outside the US during the first half of 2027.  Therefore, I have a lot of traveling to do in the next 3 ½ years, and then I'll have to take a break until my passport is renewed.  (This might be a good time to take another cruise on the Pride of America, as it never leaver Hawaii.)  

Do you have any bucket list trips that are worth taking?  Please let me know in a comment.

Finally, the first chance to go out en-femme in 2 weeks.

 

It's been a while since I've been able to go out as Marian.  The logistics of my most recent vacation in California made it impossible for me to switch back and forth between male and female gender presentations.  Now that I've been home for a couple of days, I can finally go out as Marian and interact with the world as my authentic self.

Yesterday, I was supposed to go out with my meetup group to see another session of Drag Queen Bingo. After taking care of a couple of things, I decided not to go - using GI Tract issues as my excuse.  The one problem was that this was true - I didn't want to need to rush to a toilet and find out that I had to wait for it.  As it was, I got home, and barely made it to the toilet before soiling myself.  (I guess that I picked up a mild bug towards the end of the cruise.)

Today, things were better.  I was able to meet one of my friends from the Census and have a leisurely lunch.  Again, my GI Tract acted up a little bit.  But this time, I had a minute or two to spare.  After I was done, I ran down to Micro Center to pick up some Sugru (to repair a fraying power wire on my CPAP machine) and a 30 watt USB-C power plug for use in rapid charging my cell phone.  Although one of the people from my game night meetup was having game night at his house, I had to bug out - I didn't trust my GI Tract.

It was nice to be able to finally go out as Marian.  But this weekend, it will be several days in Mario mode again....

Trying to get things done with no energy

 

Lately, I have been dealing with a lack of energy to do things. If I have something scheduled for the day, I have no problems getting moving.  But if not, then it is a different matter.  Over the past few days, I have felt out of sort, feeling like I was getting over a cold early last week, and then having a cough settle in my chest later on.  And a week later, this cough still lingers - even though I have been taking cough suppressant medicine to get to sleep and to make it through the day.

Considering that I will be taking a trip soon, I'm going to try to see my doctor for a last minute visit.  One problem, I also have a LONG co-op board meeting that I must attend because we are interviewing vendors and dealing with issues I won't describe here.  There is too much going on, and not enough of me to go with it.  Luckily, I found the time to do laundry tonight.

- - - - - -

Since this would be the last day for two weeks that I'd be able to present as Marian, I made sure to get out and about in the new dress I got from Universal Standard.

I love the color of the dress, but it's a little "off" for my figure, as I don't have a defined waist.  Yet, with the right cardigan over it, it'll work well for me.  So, I put the dress on, and went out to find something to eat.  Instead of heading North or East, I headed South - and ended up at a new Lefteris Gyro establishment in Hartsdale.  Yum!  After an enjoyable meal, I took my leftovers and went home before the expected rains were to come.

Once home, I changed back into Mario and took care of a last minute chore - Laundry.  Although my dresses are air drying, I still have a couple of baskets to sort and fold.  I think I'll try to do this during the co-op board meeting, as the co-op president has asked another board member to take notes for a change, and give me a much needed break.

RQS and I go for a pedicure - a short post

 

Unlike the first half of the weekend, the second half would have me in Marian mode.  This would allow for me to get a much needed pedicure with RQS.  And, it would allow me to enjoy the weather without having the discomfort I feel when wearing trouser like garments.

RQS and I have a habit of getting out late, and we didn't get moving until 2:00 pm.  By the time we made it to the local nail salon, it was a little bit after 4:00 pm.  Due to the holiday, they had fewer people people on staff than usual.  But we were out of there by 5:30, and took a nice drive before going for dinner at a local Greek restaurant.

I'm grateful that I am able to go out and about as Marian when with RQS.  Yes, she does need her time with Mario. And she is still getting used to me being both Marian and Mario. But for now, she is my partner, and I will try to make her as happy as possible.

Meeting up with a friend from the Census

 

When the above restaurant was split between two strip malls, as single slice pizza joint in one site, and a sit-down restaurant in the other site, I would always avoid going to the sit-down place when presenting as a female as I was a regular there in male mode.  However, when they consolidated operations in this place, they stopped serving slices and became a more classy, but casual, sit-down restaurant. The old staff went on to establish and manage other places, leaving this place open for me to be a regular while presenting as a female.

I met my friend while working the 2020 census, and we both had stories to tell each other.  No, I can't say that our stories were that exciting.  But we saw each other as peers, people with whom conversation flowed freely. And we kept in contact after our terms at the census ended. Although I can't say we're close (we don't reveal the types of intimate secrets that most women share), we have shared things that we don't want certain people to know. Both of us will soon be doing some distance travel, me to take a cruise and my friend to go to a wedding.  We'll have things to share when we get together next month. 

But why is this important?

Although it is harder for many trans people of my age to make friends because of learned prejudice, it is not impossible.  Many foreign born and younger people have fewer prejudices against us because, as I see it, they are also people trying to make their way in our American culture.  Hopefully, other trans people will successfully find their ways, not giving up on things....

I might be planning another cruise soon.

 .

For better part of a year, RQS and I have been talking about taking a Norwegian Fjord cruise next year. Soon, we will need to plan for this trip, else we won't be able to take it at all.

- - - - - -

As I might have mentioned elsewhere, 2024 will be the last year that conventionally powered cruise ships will be allowed to cruise the Norwegian Fjords.  This is a classic bucket list cruise, ranked up there with Alaskan cruises, Panama Canal cruises, Hawaii cruises, and Atlantic crossings on a classic ocean liner. I know that this is a "budget buster" item, something that RQS will have a hard time affording with all the traveling we are doing this year and will likely be doing next year. So we have to think carefully as we plan this trip out.

 
Right now, I'm looking at options from 4 cruise lines: Holland America, MSC, Norwegian, and Princess.  The big problem is choosing a cruise with the right price point and length with an acceptable itinerary. This is something we have to discuss.  There are some 7-day cruises out there that look good to me.  But there is one 14-day cruise that I'd really like to take, a Princess cruise that sails out of Southampton and goes to both Norway and Iceland. But I'm not sure that we'll be able to take this cruise, given RQS's finance and scheduling concerns.

Assuming that we take the Norwegian Fjord cruise, this will be the first time I have left North America and the first time that I will need to present my passport for travel.  There is a big part of me that is afraid to take this trip, as it takes me well out of my comfort zone.  But everyone has to have a first time, and this might be mine.

- - - - - -

Unlike the Bahamas cruise that I'll be booking soon, this cruise will be taken as Mario.  There would be way too many complications for me to take this cruise presenting as Marian to risk making a mistake. However, when I eventually take my British Isles cruise or do the Atlantic crossing on the Queen Mary 2, I hope to take it presenting as a female.   Unlike many British Isles cruises, the above cruise does not stop in France.  To me, this is a bonus - I do not need to worry whether someone I come into contact with will be able to (or bother with) speaking my language when on a shore excursion.  

As you can guess, I'm working on checking off bucket list trips while I'm still healthy enough to do so.  Hopefully, I'll be able to get through most of this list while I'm still in decent shape for my age and weight.

 

Going out to eat

 

Last week, RQS came up for a mid-week visit, as she had a weekend memorial that she had to attend. Because of this, she came up on Tuesday to spend the middle of the week with me.

- - - - - -

Like most couples, RQS and I have several go-to restaurants near each others' residences.  The reasons a restaurant becomes a "go-to" place vary.  For example, the diner in Croton is my go-to place when I'm presenting as Mario.  The food is good, servings are plentiful, the staff is friendly, and the experience is predictable.  It's not a great place to eat, but it is not a bad place to eat. It's simply a pleasant experience each time we go there.  And I've eaten there often enough as Mario, that I avoid eating there as Marian.

The go-to places I have when presenting as Mario are different than those I have when presenting as Marian.  For example, I will go to one Italian restaurant in Croton over most of the others in town, as they have only seen me in Marian mode.  This makes it much easier for me, as I don't have to worry as much as being misgendered. 

And then, there are the places I can go to in either presentation.  I do not visit these places often enough to be a fixture there, and I am likely to be seen as a very occasional visitor.  One of those places is the Eveready Diner in Brewster.  Given the distance from Croton, NY to Brewster, NY, we are not likely to visit there often enough to become a fixture there.  So, I feel safe visiting in either gender presentation.

- - - - - -

As you can guess, I am a low key foodie who can enjoy both haute cuisine and junk food.  For the most part, I find good places to eat almost anywhere.  But I have also found some bad places as well.  Those bad places are few and far between, and are often found in acts of desperation.  For example, RQS and I visited Bar Harbor, ME on a cruise after tourist season ended and couldn't find a good place to eat because my go-to places were already closed for the winter.  Unfortunately, we ended up stumbling into a place with bad service, mediocre food, and forgettable atmosphere.  That's one place we will never again visit.

Yet, we stumble into more good places than bad ones.  On the same cruise where we visited Bar Harbor, we also visited Portland, ME and found a great seafood joint off the beaten path.  The restaurant was associated with another business which processes seafood destined for other other restaurants.  Yum!  Needless to say, we will visit this place again the next time we are in Portland.

- - - - - -

In the past, I'd try to go to as many meetups as possible, so that I could eat out with other people.  Now that RQS is in my life, it is just as well that I do not go to many meetups anymore. Dining out has gotten way too expensive these days. I still recoil a little when I see post-pandemic restaurant prices. So, I've become extra careful to patronize my go-to places as often as I can, as I want them to stay in business.

Crusing without RQS? (a short post)

 

I won't go into all the details of why I want to take this cruise - especially when RQS wouldn't be with me when I sail off for a week. But RQS approves of my reasons, and I want to see about whether it makes sense to try out a new cruise line.

With the above being noted, I have my concerns about sailing on an MSC ship.  Almost all the Vlogggers I watch have made comments on the food found on MSC ships - and they say that the food is middling. Although I can accept middling food, RQS will not do so. So, it's in my interest to try out this cruise line, as we might want to consider it as an option for a Norwegian Fjord cruise.

Assuming I book this cruise, I will take it presenting as Marian.  Of course, this means that I will NOT get off the ship in Nassau. And there is nothing I want to do at Port Canaveral, so I will stay on the ship there as well.  But what about MSC's private Island, Ocean Cay?  Will I have a problem being gender non-conforming?  I do not have my former cruise partner backing me up anymore.  Nor would I want her to do so, even if we were still friends.  

Whatever I choose to do, I will make that decision soon.

Misconceptions and Anomalies

 

When I first started coming "out", I also started learning about my own misconceptions of what being transgender means.  Now that I've been out for a while, I can say that this ignorance was common to the larger cisgender society we live in.  And I've come to believe that being transgender is being on a spectrum of gender development issues that involve gender identity, gender preference, gender presentation, and gender manifestation.

To start, for most people, gender identity is a simple concept: you are either male or female.  But what happens when the mind develops in a way that this concept doesn't fit?  Like many transgender people, one can reject the genitalia that one is born with and look to have both surgeries and hormone treatments to correct this physical anomaly. However, many transgender people do not suffer severe gender dysphoria and choose paths which may only involve hormone therapy and other, less radical body modifications. To some cisgender people, this is beyond comprehension, and it is an abomination.  But why?  A baby's gender is the first thing people want to know when a child is born, as if defines much of the path that person's life will follow from birth to death. Anyone who challenges that basic path might be a threat to social unity, and that has to be stamped out before the threat becomes a reality.

Next comes gender preference, a concept with which people are only now starting become comfortable. Like gender identity, this is considered a threat to society by many cisgender people. However, many cisgender people have grown to understand this concept and accept that people with non-traditional gender preferences should be treated with respect and accepted by society.

However, gender expression (presentation) is not as understood by the general populace.  Why do some lesbians present with a more "masculine" appearance?  Why do some "straight" (in gender preference only) prefer to present as females? Many in cisgender society have problems processing who and what a person is when a person has an androgynous (or non-conforming) gender image that resists categorization.  This may trigger cisgender society's deepest fears, as people tend to fear most what resists categorization and being understood.  

Lastly, gender manifestation (or, I should say, being intersex) is something that is either hidden or "corrected" at an early age.  For example, many babies born with ambiguous genitalia have been "fixed" to look like "normal" females.  But this potentially creates a problem for these children as they grow up into adults, as their gender identity may be in conflict with their "corrected" gender manifestation. As a result, many intersex people are demanding that no "corrective" surgeries be performed until the child knows enough about its own gender identity and can provide input into the process of gender identification.

- - - - - -

With all of the above being said, I have to focus on the misconceptions people have about transgender people.  For example, not all of us want to have surgeries to convert our genitals to that of the sex of which we identify.  One person I know has had hormone therapy, but chooses to retain her masculine sex organs.  (Who wants to live a life without being able to have an orgasm again?  This person needs to preserve her ability to self-pleasure.)  Others need to have genitalia which resembles that of their gender identities.  And then, there are issues related to how many gender related physical traits that transgender people feel they need to fix before they feel they are of their identified sex.  (Hair transplants, Voice Adjustments, etc.)  As they used to say in old commercials, your mileage may vary.

Another misconception is that many cisgender people have about us transgender people is that we want different genitalia, so that we can have sex with our "former" sex.  (I knew a LCSW who believed this, and I am glad she is not in my life.)  For the most part, one's gender preference does not change after one has gender corrective surgery (GCS).

What I found surprising is how many cisgender people react when they interact with non-op transgender people (like me) who travel with legal IDs which conflict with their gender presentation. Some, like my Texas friends, are amazed that I will often travel in female mode while holding male ID. Others will (in bad taste) wonder aloud whether a transgender person is a male or female.  If I had heard that while boarding a ship on one cruise, I'd have asked the couple: "Why don't we go back to your room, and the three of us find out?  It could be some great fun."  That would have thrown them for a loop.  

Yet, when it comes to sports, more of the general population doesn't want transgender people to compete against people not belonging to their natal sex.  But what happens when a person's natal sex is ambiguous, or when hormone levels are that of the opposite sex?  There is a female runner who has been disqualified from running against other females because her naturally occurring levels of testosterone are that of a male.  How should we accommodate people like her?  There is a transgender female swimmer who is now disqualified from being in competitions against other females - even though many of her peers support her inclusion in these competitions.  I feel that if a transgender person's body has not undergone the puberty of their (at birth) assigned sex, and has only gone through the puberty of their identified sex, they should be allowed to compete against others of their identified sex as they will have no advantage from the wrong puberty. And even this is an issue that perplexes many in society.

- - - - - -

I feel that we have a long way to go before society understands and accepts transgender people.  At best, we are considered anomalies whose identities are not fully accepted because they are ambiguous.  At worse, they trigger irrational fears in others that will trigger them to cause us harm.  Hopefully, things will change for the better for us soon.

But where do I want to go that's affordable and safe for me?

 

Until early next year, it will not be prudent to schedule more vacations than already in the docket.  Yet, I would like to find a couple of overnight (or weekend) trips we can make from NYC at a minimal cost. Given that we can get to most major Eastern cities at a reasonable cost on Amtrak, the cost of travel (in both time and money) will not be an issue.  Instead, it is the choice of where to go.

I expect that hotel stays will be the biggest expense for us, followed by dining, transportation and miscellaneous expenses. We've narrowed the list of places to visit to the following 3 cities: Boston, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC.  Boston and Philadelphia are cities I have not developed a feel for yet, so I'd like to explore them when possible.

What does this say about other cities?  My impression of many other cities is that they do not have enough attractions for us to spend a weekend in the city, and that we would need a car to get around because of the paucity of good mass transit.  In addition, many cities in the Red States are hostile to all but cisgender people. Although I will be flying to Chicago in the Fall, it is one of the few cities outside the Northeast that I have found have enough things to do and is safe for me to visit while presenting as a female.

Even if I decided to travel as Mario, the issue of mass transit is important.  Most modern American cities have evolved around a Post-WW2 Car Culture.  Mass transit has been neglected, as people seem to prefer cocooned commutes to work.  Years ago, Los Angeles had one of the best public transit systems in the USA.  Now, it is trying to replace what it lost in the 1950's.  When I visit LA later on this year, I will be reluctant to take buses to reach my uncle's current residence, and will spend much more money taking an Uber for the trip.  Unfortunately, all too many American cities have become like LA, and this limits my choices for weekend trips.

Luckily, this doesn't rule out travel to Canada, even if I have to take a plane to get there.  Although Mount Royal (Montreal) is a quick ride North for me, I don't want to visit a place which penalizes people for using English in what is supposed to be a bilingual nation.  In the USA, we're seeing the use of Spanish change us into a bilingual nation.  And for the most part, we accommodate Spanish speakers much more than Quebec accommodates English speakers.  Instead, I would likely go to Toronto, a great city and one worth exploring at leisure.  Having been there before, I can say that the Theater and Restaurant scenes in Toronto make the city a great place to visit.

Yes, I have my prejudices in where I will travel.  But who doesn't?   This New Yorker will only go where I feel welcome, safe, and where I can get around with ease.  

A "Half and Half" day

 

I hate having to dress as Mario and then change into Marian (or, vice-versa).  Today was one of those days that I had to see the doctor in the morning, and then change into Marian before going to game night in Yonkers.  So, I had to partially make myself ready for the day to see my doctor. And then, I had to finish the job after I was home....

- - - - - -

My doctor has been looking for a way to get my blood pressure where he'd like it to be for several years now.  And today was a day that I knew he'd likely hector me a little about exercise and losing weight. What I didn't expect was that he ran a little bit late before seeing me, and that we'd be talking about vacations - specifically, him thinking of taking the same Hawaii cruise that I took.  The good news for the day was that the new medicine I am taking did what it was supposed to do with my blood pressure. This made him comfortable telling me to come back in a little over 2 months this time - something that I didn't expect.

Once done with the doctor, I picked up an egg sandwich at the local deli.  However, there was a minor mishap.  Just after I placed my order, a mob of teenagers came in to place their lunch orders (the high school is less than a block away) and that created confusion at the deli.  I was given the wrong order, and had to go back to the deli to get the right order.  Luckily, they didn't hand my sandwich to someone else.

I then went home and relaxed for a while before getting dressed as Marian for game night.  Luckily, I made it there early enough for me to play in the single game the group played this evening.  Although I didn't win, I wasn't in last place.  And that was a miracle for me.  When things broke up, I mentioned to the hostess that I finally have pierced ears, and will soon be able to wear the earrings that they gave me a few years ago.

- - - - - -

On the way home, I chatted with RQS and we discussed our plans for the next few weeks.  Yes, we will be quite busy going back and forth between our apartments.  But it will be fun....

When I have nothing much to do, I window shop online

 

First things first.  I am not a thin woman.  But this linen dress caught my eye in this color and in a hunter green - and I wish I could budget the money to buy it.  I know that if I go to Universal Standard, I'd buy this dress and more.

Since Universal Standard is having a sample sale at this time, I'm thinking of buying the above garment. For me, it will mostly be used as sleepwear.  I could also use it as a slip in cooler weather, as it might help me stay warmer while wearing dresses.

- - - - - -

Shopping as a female is an art.  As I've said before, shopping as a male is very easy.  I don't have to think much, once I have a formula to work with.  It is much more difficult to shop as a female, as most women, cis or trans, don't always have the imagination to select garments that would be perfect for more than one occasion.  An example of this would be assembling a set of garments to be worn during the day at work, and that could transition easily for a date night/  Not only does a woman's outerwear have to coordinate well, but her underwear has similar requirements.  The other day, a woman made a comment to me about the type of underwear she had just bought - just in case she gets "lucky."  Even at her age, she realizes that the right underwear can contribute to the image she is presenting at the right time to someone special.

When I first started wearing female clothing, I avoided underwire bras at almost all costs.  But I learned that a well fitting bra can make all the difference in a woman's appearance.  Now, I wear underwire bras more often than not, as they give better support to my prosthetic breasts than the no-wire bras, helping me to look better in my dresses.  The same goes for panties as well.  It's both a matter of comfort and coverage - especially when a pre-op/non-op trans-woman has to "tuck."  

Once I have my underwear on, then I have to think carefully about what I wear that the world will see.  And this is where window shopping comes in.  One has to take a critical eye, and look at what parts of a woman's body is highlighted by a garment, and what parts of a woman's body are minimized.  Usually, I try to wear sleeved tops without a deep "V" in front.  This way, my male shoulders aren't exaggerated, and my lack of natural cleavage is hidden.  Ideally I can find garments that give me the illusion of having a feminine waist, but this isn't easy to do. And, I try to wear low hemmed tops, so that any hint of my male equipment is hidden.  This makes it easier for me to find bottoms I wan wear and still present a reasonably feminine image to the world.

I am lucky to have the funds with which I can make purchasing mistakes.  But if I didn't, I'd be spending even more time learning about female clothing and how it can be adapted to a body which has processed way too much testosterone over the years.

 

Seeing RQS's Cousin & Wife

 

This was an interesting day for us, as it was one where I screwed up a little and things worked out better because of it....

- - - - - -

RQS and I were supposed to meet her cousin and his wife at a local eatery.  Normally, one doesn't need a reservation to eat there.  But for Sunday brunch, they advise getting one ahead of time.  Not knowing this, I didn't make the reservation and found out that we'd have to wait an hour before having a chance to eat there.  So, we checked with her cousin and agreed to eat at a local diner.

Going to DD's diner in Ossining in the past revealed a limited menu.  But in a pinch, the diner was always a reliable place for me to eat.  This time, I was impressed, as they returned to their pre-pandemic full menu.  This gave us a chance to have a filling meal, and time to have a leisurely chat.  And chat we did!  We got along as if we have been the closest of friends for years.  I was surprised to find that her cousin noticed my tiny earrings.  But then, he is a doctor, and trained to notice these things.

All too soon, they had to leave for their home (they live 5 hours away), and we had to get back to my place to take care of things.  In a conversation we had afterwards, RQS and I had a feeling that they would be accepting of my Marian side.  Maybe one day, I'll reveal it to them and find out.

Getting out and about

 

Now that the sun is going down much later in the day, it has become much easier for me to get out and about.  It is warm enough outside for me to go out in the dresses I love to wear, as well as meet friends I haven't seen in a while. Soon, I will  be saying that I have nothing to wear when I have a closet filled with clothes. 

I'm extremely lucky that RQS accepts the fact that I often dress as a female.  She has said that after years of not being able to be her cisgender feminine self, being with me has catalyzed something in her to be feminine again.  (My words, not hers.)  And this is a very good thing for both of us.

- - - - - -

Tonight, I was able to have a zoom meeting with my two friends from Texas, and it appears that I may have been misreading one of them so far.  I won't go into any details, save that I wasn't sure of what was really happening.  Now, I have a better idea, and it looks like we'll all be having a great time in the short time we have together.

While we're talking about our Chicago trip, I have to mention airline schedules.  My friends will be leaving Chicago on an early morning trip. And that means one of them will be unable to take care of some business while in town.  (I hope that's cryptic enough, save for my friends and their privacy.) If this trip goes well, it would be nice to make this type of trip a regular yearly occurrence. 

RQS is warming up to a cruise with me dressed to the nines

 

The other day, RQS was going through her closet to find clothing that might be appropriate to wear on a cruise's formal nights.  She found a glittery red jacket that she could wear with a black dress.  And then she found an outfit similar to that I am wearing in the above photo. I joked that we both should wear these outfits on an upcoming cruise (not one we have already booked), and she didn't run away from me.  Instead, she found the idea quite interesting.

To be serious, I do not wish to plan a cruise with RQS, just so that we can be together with me presenting as Marian.  But I do want to go on cruises with me as Marian, and have RQS come along with me.  There is a difference.  In the first case, the cruise is used as a venue to dress up.  In the second case, we're going on the cruise anyway, so why not dress up?  I have a couple of ideas for cruises where it makes sense for me to be presenting myself as Marian.  And one of them would be much more fun with me in Marian mode, as I look much better in formal women's wear than in formal men's wear. (And no, I do not intend to show a picture of me as Mario right now.)  But if I'm going to do that trip, I will need to lose another 50 lbs. before doing so - I want to look pretty in those pictures.

Right now, RQS and I are finalizing plans to take a trip to the Windy City in the fall.  Knowing where we stand with our finances is the key to taking this trip.  For taking our cruises, it will be an even greater expense to plan for, as each cruise will likely set us back over $2,000pp, with one of them being in the $6,000+pp range if we can afford it.  So traveling as Marian takes a back seat to getting the most value out of each trip - as I want RQS to enjoy the trip as much as I do.

I thought the day ended well until....

 

For the past few years, my brother has done the books and took care of the management duties for the house we rent out.  So I was glad when my brother texted me to let me know that the paperwork for 2022 taxes was ready, and that I could send it to my accountant.  I was in a good mood until I checked back on my computer and found a message from a friend's son.  His dad was killed in a hit-and-run incident, with a drunken driver leaving the scene of the accident.  If I had not texted my friend today, I'd have never known this had happened.

My former boss was one of three people that I wanted to stay in contact with after leaving the bank.  The first of these three passed away 365 days after we were both laid off in 2014.  Hopefully, he was able to collect his full pension in a lump sum payment, as he would have gotten a small fraction of that if the bank paid him the value of his ESOP shares.  The second person died about 4 years ago, and I was the only person from the bank who attended his wake.  And now, the last person has died due to some drunk's stupidity.  

Sometime this week, I expect to visit his family as they sit Shiva. Although I just had a mani-pedi, intending to spend the week as Marian, I will remove the polish and visit in Mario mode.  Neither he, nor his family knew about Marian, and this would not be the time or place to let them know.  Instead, it's the time to show respect for my friend and to try and comfort his family as best as possible.